Jesus

As Lacey sits and listens to the sounds of Hell she contemplates Joe Jr.. It’s possible his vain, cheating heart caused the End Times.

…

Later.

Michael and Lacey are forced to explain sexuality to a child sex slave. Possibly their daughter. Possibly lots of people’s children.

…

Later.

“Kim Kim, OK-Kim Kardashian is a useless bitch who makes her butt large to try to arouse men but in reality, she’s just sexually useless, possibly for eternity.” says a child sex slave.

…

Later.

“All the Kennedy’s did was try to steal my wife.” says Lem. “That’s all the whole thing with my sexuality is and was about.”

…

Later.

“You should have just died of a heart attack when the Cubs won.” says Lacey. “We’d possibly all have been better off. Other than for your son.”

…

“Oh well, right? You think it’s just an oh well. We’re getting pummeled by the Italians. Did you help us? Or-“ starts Honey Fitz to Mr. Blue.

Lacey cuts him off.

“Are you being a joke? Are you making a joke?” Lacey asks him.

Honey Fitz cries, laughs and shakes his head no.

“I don’t hate you all. I just…” she can’t think how to convey the right message.

…

Later.

“I never thought you loved me for sure.” Lacey says to Joe. “Not entirely.”

…

Later.

“Is God expecting Michael Rockefeller to make it up to my mommy?!” asks a child sex slave.

“She means is God expecting Michael Rockefeller to make up for God’s evil.” Lacey says to God in prayer. “But she shouldn’t be the one to pray that.”

…

Later.

Lacey glares in a rage beyond description at God. Then she hears a demon imitating God crying in response to her suffering. Lacey wants to go rip God’s face off for being so Satanic if it’s Him and not a demon.

“Because she doesn’t need tears. She needs results.” says Michael mockingly.

“Mockingly of who?” Lacey asks.

“Of evil.” he says.

…

Later.

“You’re crazy as fuck! You’re not that attractive!” The Loudest Perfume Hater says to Lacey with bizarre authority.

“That’s utter bullshit and insanity on your part.” says Lacey to the Loudest Perfume Hater. “Why do you always do this routine with me? It’s…hilariously idiotically wrong…but the it’s also just…weird.”

“She cracks me up sometimes!” she says trying to fool herself into thinking she has a clue what she’s talking about.

…

“No!!” yells Lacey at all child sex slaves. As in, God doesn’t expect Michael to compensate for evil.

“We aren’t Eve.” Lacey says to girls.

“We aren’t Adam.” says Michael.

…

Don’t Hold Back by Bob Moses plays and the Queen wonders why Zelenskyy isn’t supposed to be the head of the child sex ring in those conspiracy theories. A sex ring run by the American Democratic Party?

“I’m hurt!” says Zelenskyy.

“Are you safe?” Lacey asks him.

He refuses to answer because he’s cold as ice in his emotions.

“Are you?” she asks.

“Yes!” he spits realizing she’s possibly the only reason he hasn’t been strangled to death.

“They’re possibly using him. It’s too chaotic to just shoot him if he’s guilty.” says Lacey.

“Am I President anymore?” jokes Joe.

Lacey and him laugh.

“Oh you think that’s funny?” he says.

“It kind of got away from you.” says Lacey to Joe.

…

“This is ridiculous!!” yells Lem.

“Is God tempting me to beat Him to a bloody pulp?” Lacey asks Jesus.

“Your anger isn’t real!” says an Illuminati member who can’t stand Lacey’s rights as a human being.

“We need the money!!!!” the DNC yells at Lacey.

“Are the Kardashians sex workers hidden in plain sight? Like…Kris made money off her daughter’s sexuality all the time.” asks Ivana. “And then they did the whole trans thing. …And why? It’s weird.”

“Would Putin be morally justified in killing almost all of America?” asks Lacey of Honey Fitz.

He struggles to breath in shock.

“Yes!!!!” yell the child sex slaves at God.

“They won’t be able to manifest God!!! He’s not a real God. It’s Buddha!” says a Chinese atheist. He can’t stand how predictable and idiotic he sounds but there it is. He’s a psychopath and therefore he’s superior to dead.

“I’m not impressed.” says Lacey. “The thing is…we’ve had a horrible pandemic.” She thinks. “Attacking me has literally started a pandemic that’s killed millions of people.” She thinks. “It was a once in a human civilization type thing.” She thinks. “And now there’s a war in Ukraine.” She thinks. “And…two failed US Presidencies.” She thinks.

“No! I don’t think Michael can do it!” he says jokingly about a tidal wave.

“Where?” asks Lacey.

“Here.” he says.

“In China?” asks Lacey. She thinks. “Are you talking about like a Deep Impact type of situation?”

“Yes!” he says.

“I can kill you, whoever you are. Why don’t you ask why I don’t?” asks Michael.

“Hey guys, let’s chill out.” says Louis Hill Jr..

The CIA tries to intervene to end things.

“Are you trying to ride my brother’s coattails into Hell?” asks Jerome Hill of the CIA.

“Zelenskyy isn’t a freak.” says the CIA.

“What’s a freak?” Lacey asks the CIA.

They all roll their eyes at her.

Attempting to mock her they cleave for power like rats on a sinking ship.

“What’s the sinking ship?” asks a CIA operative.

“That depends. Who do you really answer to and what hand do they have in the child sex rings?” asks Lacey.

“You!” says a Democrat voting CIA operative.

“Hey, Lou. How’s the chill vibe going? Are we still on?” asks Lacey.

Then, “You don’t answer to me. I’m a Russian, English Aristocrat reincarnated, Rockefeller, alien girlfriend.” says Lacey. “J. Edgar Hoover probably tried to seduce my father. And Lem Billings possibly slept with me from the grave. …I’m not them. What do they deserve? What do they do? How guilty are they?”

“Do you really have an alien boyfriend?” asks the CIA.

“That part was a joke, mostly. But the other night there was an entity that was in my living room that felt like an alien. And he seemed attracted to me and I turned him down. He might have been a demon. But I don’t know.”

“How awkward!” says a hater without clarifying.

“Awkward how?” asks Lacey.

And at that she hears the sound of silence. So she turns on BaDinga.

“I’m just crazy?” she asks God. “I’m tired of this. And I’m tired of their bullshit.”

“This is a warning.” says Michael to the world. “You’re not going to win. Thus stupid. You’re challenging God with your narcissism.”

“Can we just surrender to Putin?” asks a Jenner.

“Why don’t you go public and ask that?” asks Lacey.

“You’re repressing Lem.” says the CIA to Chris. “His spirit doesn’t matter in the Illuminati?”

“You’re repressing all the dead men who love her and those kids like crazy.” says Michael to Chris.

“You people really ruined the world. Outside of her efforts to save those kids this is all soo evil.” says a Fox man. “I’m hopeful Lacey finds love, but…they’re in Purgatory.”

“So! I’m praying for God to end the world.” says Lacey.

“So…I guess if the world has fallen into historic turmoil since attacking you…you might not be Carrie? Just kidding. You’re just a poltergeist!!! And we’ll-“ starts Pete.

The Asmats comfort Lacey.

“The thing is…I’m not gay.” says Lem to Pete. “I really do love Lacey. I love her not men.”

“And then God screams!! No!!” yells Wobbly to try to get Lacey to stop having consensual sex with Lem. They’ve been celibate for a while though. They’re all waiting to hear from God. She worries it’s shifted to Micheal Rockefeller.

“Oh great! Here comes the monogamy fight with Boomers.” says Lem.

“No. Monogamy isn’t the problem. It’s the opposite.” says Lacey.

Silence.

“Listen, this country deserves to be slaughtered if our Democracy currently rests on child sex slaves.” says Lacey. “Also depending on how many children are in captivity it’s better we just all die or what? …Putin can sift through the rubble of three countries to find them?” She thinks.

“I’d think it’s far more efficient in some ways to just end the whole world.” says Amon Goeth. “But…if we decide not to blow-up the world then…there’s alternatives.”

“And we’re working on them sweethearts!” says Betty White. She means they’re working on the alternatives.

“Lacey are they in Purgatory or Heaven?” asks the Pope.

“It’s probably some combination thereof?” responds Lacey.