Men Love Sundresses

Casi thinks that men love sundresses. But she has no idea why. She thinks sundresses are magic. Like…actual magic.

“You bake em a shit cheap, unoriginal lasagna in a baking thingy and then slap on a sundress and ya got em’!” says Casi farting.

“Why? I is an intellectual aristocrat. My arms are like Lem’s arms. My wife’s breasts are bigger than your breasts. My shower is cleaner. And my pictures are more well done.” says Mr. Australia of the perfume community.

Bill Conti’s The Right Stuff: Yeager’s Triumph plays.

“That’s sort of true. But if I wear a sundress you’d fall magically in love with me forever.” says Casi to Dmitry.

“No!!! I wouldn’t!! …I’m still in love with my wife!” says Dmitry. He’s exasperated.

“No! That’s not true. If you saw me with my face tilted and my lightbulb in my nostrils with lipgloss you’d think I was stupid and then pretty and then you’d eat my lasagna and then you’d wear my sundress and fall magically in love with me. …Hey! Let’s get drunk and have sex!” says Casi.

“Um no. You’re insane.” says Dmitry to Casi.

“Okay. But now if I choose to leave you alone you’ll be fine. Otherwise I’ll stalk you like I stalk everyone else. And I’ll spend the next fifty years trying to convince you to fall in lobe with me.” says Casi to Dmitry.

“In LOBE?!?” asks Dmitry.

“Yes!! It’s a rare flanker of the word love!” says Casi.

“Words aren’t flankers, Casi!” says Dmitry’s wife to Casi.

“Yes! They are!! I looked it up with a rocket scientist linguist!” says Casi.

“Oh! Oh! Oh no! You did?!?” asks Dmitry, genuinely freaking out.

“NO! I’m lying!” says Casi genuinely irritated.

“No! I am best friends with the linguists at Harvard University. You know them. I can tell!” says Dmitry.

“Ha! Really?! Oh my gosh, I’m so flattered!” says Casi.

“Yeah! I suck their dicks.” says Dmitry.

“Then why doesn’t my sundress make you fall in lobe with me?!? And what about my lasagna?!” asks Casi.

“Because! I’M A MAN! And I HATE YOU!” says Dmitry to Casi with icy coldness that frosts her soul.

“Gee! Gee! Gee whiz! You hate me?!?” asks Casi growing faint.

“I’LL KILL YOU!!!!” Dmitry yells at Casi completely seriously.

“Yeah okay. I’m basically a diagnosed sociopath. But I’d rather not be killed. Fine!” says Casi to Dmitry.

Then with no interest in her at all Casi can sense his coldness so she wanders off.

“Hey Casi! There’s a herd of women who hate Lacey. Wanna kill her for us?!” ask the murderous, ugly, heartless, trashy whores who hate Lacey on Instagram.

“Yeah sure!” says Casi dumbfounded by the joy she suddenly feels. A huge smile fills her face.

“So when you kill her we’ll suddenly become her. Right?!” they ask Casi like she’s their actual mommy and no, Casi is not the actual mother to these women.

“No! That’s not possible.” says Casi like an expert.

“Yes it is! I eat cornflakes.” says one of the women to Casi.

“You know I eat Cornflakes too! Let’s be honest. That’s all there is to being Lacey. Just eating Cornflakes.“ says Casi in complete seriousness and sincerity.

“Oh my god!” That’s so true!” say 500 women who are essentially just slightly naturally pretty but are makeup and hair and exercise obsessedcomplete idiots with egos hyped up on orgasms from their last lay. They use nice men to get off because they’re literally too genuinely cognitively stupid to understand life and sex. They are good at math and other technical stuff so they pass as genuinely intelligent or even very intelligent but really they’re just bubble headed shitholes with a female body and mind. And they are that way by choice. …By choice. Because they could choose to be good but they have been brainwashed into thinking they HAVE to be evil. They’re essentially violent secret zombies because they’ve been societally programmed to be cognitively incapable of overcoming their mental chains. The previous generations were a lot more difficult to program but…in the 1940’s or 50’s huge numbers of women got stolen from the Earth in a way?

“That’s an interesting theory, Lacey.” says J. D. Rockefeller to Lacey Banks.

“Anyway! Enough chit chat! Let’s get to the Cornflakes!” say the 500 on women on Instagram to Casi.

“Wait! Why do I care?!?” asks Casi of the 500 women.

“Because?!” say 300 of the 500 women.

“Eww! Because why?!?” asks Casi of the 500 women.

“Because! Because! Because!” say the 500 women flirting with Casi suddenly.

Then 4,000 women flirt with Casi.

“She’s got game!” says Joe Kennedy Jr. to no one but God and himself about Casi.

Casi grins at Joe Kennedy Jr. in response. Flirts with him. Feels flattered.

“So! Umm! Hey! Don’t you umm…love us?!?” the 6,000 women on Instagram (internationally scattered) ask Casi feeling suddenly desperate.

“Nah! She’s too good for you! She’s like a Kennedy!” says Joe Kennedy Jr. about Casi to the world.

“Wait! Wait! I get it! Casi is secretly super beautiful and rich. Like…she genuinely hides it. Like…she’s OBSESSED with hiding her beauty.” say 2,000 women on Instagram about Casi.

“Oh no! No!” says Casi. She starts out saying, “That’s not true-“ but then leaves off the period.

“Shut-up!” say the Kennedy demons to Casi. “You’re with us now, kid!”

“Let’s razzamatazz em’” says an old mob boss who used to do favors for Joe Kennedy Sr. to Casi.

“Lights, camera, action!” says a dead woman to Casi.

“I was made for this!” says Casi losing her breath literally dancing.

“Ya gotta give ‘em more kid! They need the works!” says another dead man to Casi.

“They’re stealing Lacey’s show!” says a gay man in the perfume community just casually observing.

“Fine by me!” yells Jack. “I’m still hurt!”

“Jack! That’s INSANE!” says another gay man in the perfume community to Jack.

“I’m possibly not over the fact that Lem was straight. Okay?!” says JFK.

The gay men grow quiet and uneasy.

Casi starts jumping through literal hoops to loose weight.

“Pull out the stops!” says the guy who did Hollywood stuff with Joe Sr. to Casi.

“I am! I’m not looking better!” says Casi, crying.

“You’re not fixing your face! See!” says Joe Kennedy Sr. to Casi.

“Because I’m not that pretty! I’m just not that pretty!” says Casi pleadingly to Joe Kennedy Jr..

“That’s not true, pumpkin! Go get dressed real nice. That’s all!” says Joe Kennedy Jr. to Casi.

“No! Joe, Joe, Joe…I’m LITERALLY NOT THAT PRETTY!” says Casi panicking.

Lacey feels hurt for Casi. In an attempt to empathetically understand the natives as they explain themselves Lacey tries to process their demands. They eat Cornflakes?!?! Huh. Cool. Cornflakes! “Maybe Casi needs to eat Cornflakes?” Lacey says possibly lovingly to the entirety of humanity.

Likely misunderstanding Lacey somehow the natives (the now 10,000 women on Instagram) take Lacey’s offer of Cornflakes as an insult of some sort.

Under the Sun by DIIV plays.

Joe Kennedy Jr. woes Casi.

“Joe! Joe! You really love me!” Casi says in her spirit to Joe Kennedy Jr.

“No! I don’t answer that question for anyone I date. Just imagine the answer you want! It can be anything you imagine. …Not real love. But I ruin real love. It’s my favorite thing to do. I get sociopathically HIGH AS A KITE off faking REAL love. Everyone in my family does. We fake real love brilliantly well and then pull the rug out from underneath people and then they sometimes kill themselves. It’s like…our special secret sauce.” says Joe Kennedy Jr. to Casi.

“Hey Joe! That’s our specialty too!” say mega Christian churches in America.

They embrace. “Hey man!”

“Hey man! How’s it going!?!” asks Joe Kennedy Jr. of the mega churches.

“Yo! We…are impressed by you, man!” say the mega churches to Joe Jr..

The stench of thousands of rotting corpses can be smelled. It possibly haunts mega churches.

“Cool beans.” says Joe Jr. embracing the mega churches one last time before they coldly leave each other.

“Hey Joe!! Joey!” whispers Casi.

“What?!?” Joe Kennedy Jr. asks in fear as he glances back at Casi.

“It’s me. I’m your worst nightmare.” says Casi cackling, quietly.

“Oh no!!! No!!! NO!!!!” Joe yells at Casi. He’s fallen in love with Casi.

“Joe! I’m not Lacey!” says Casi. “I’m not that genuinely loving or pretty.”

“So you got me to be truly vulnerable with you because I assumed you wouldn’t comprehend what I was saying.” says Joe to Casi.

Casi nods an evil nod in affirmation.

“Yeah! Baby…I own you now. Don’t I?!” asks Casi like a psychological sex predator at Joe Kennedy Jr..

“Yeah! We’re good at that too!” say JFK and Kick grinning evil grins at their brother.

“I’m not going to be in love though!!” says Joe Kennedy Jr. going on and on and on and on and on about it seemingly forever. Casi listens patiently the entire time counseling him.

“Listen, it’s okay! I get it. You’re creepy. I’m creepy! It’s okay!” says Casi.

“Yeah. Like…we’re not gonna tell.” says Joe Kennedy Jr. to Casi.

“Yeah! Say! How about I make a cup of tea?” says Casi.

“I don’t like tea!” Joe yells at her brutally.

“I don’t like tea? Yes! I’m going to be posh! I know it’s not just about the Cornflakes! Okay!! It’s also about…the tea.” says Casi in all sincerity to Joe.

“No! It’s not. You don’t even like tea!” says Joe to Casi feeling like he’s losing his mind.

“I think I can!” Casi says to Joe.

“No!!! You HATE IT!” yells Joe.

“Joe don’t abuse me!!!” says Casi to Joe Jr..

And that’s why…if Lem Billings was straight…he was a deadly choice. He was a horrific choice for Jack to make.

“If Lem was straight…you needed to let him go, Jack. Even if you had just an inkling he didn’t really want you.” says a gay man to JFK.

After three years of trying to make Casi turn into a pretty woman using the same routine Lacey does in the morning Joe Kennedy Jr. can’t yet accept that Casi and Lacey aren’t genuine equals. Lacey is pretty without makeup but it’s just more obvious when she puts on the slightest bit of makeup. Like a correctly done couture gown and a naked body so is Lacey’s face without makeup. As in, the beautiful gown makes the naked body more obviously beautiful when the natural beauty of the naked body is what counts.

“There’s ways around it! Plastic surgery or other things!” says Joe Kennedy Jr. to Casi.

“But I’m still ugly. It’s just my flippin’ face, dude!” says Casi.

“No! I don’t make mistakes!!!” Joe Kennedy Jr. says bitterly. He doesn’t mean that literally but as a possible general statement of his overall aesthetic.

“No! Don’t be afraid. I’ll fix it!” says Casi. “I’ll kill Lacey!” Casi says Joe Kennedy Jr..

“Oh my gosh!! Casi you are SOOO in love with us!” say all the women and men in the perfume community not Lacey worldwide. They sound like a cheated on spouse.

Lose Yourself by Eminem plays.

“Casi!! Casi…don’t forget our…sex!” the perfume community says to Casi.

“What the fuck do you cheap ass bitches want?!” asks Casi of the perfume community.

“I want your poop!” desperately say 50,000 members of the perfume community to Casi.

“Nah! That’s expensive!” says Casi completely seriously as if she’s disclosing state secrets.

Casi wears a bodycon dress and heavy makeup with high heels for Joe. Carries a Birkin.

“Casi, why don’t you try wearing Chanel No. 22 again for Jack?!” says Joe Kennedy Jr. to Casi.

“I can afford Chanel No. 22 if I sell something or cheat.” says Casi.

“Cool! That’s like being dead!” says Jack to Casi.

“Casi! Can you save us from Hell?!” asks the entire perfume community.

“If I die and come back…you should make me the Antichrist!” jokes Casi.

“Huh! That’s cool!” says Dmitry to Casi.

“You’re BEAUTIFUL!” Dmitry’s wife says to Casi.

“Hey, Casi…will you marry me?!” asks Dmitry of Casi.

“Wait?!? What?!” you might be asking.

See…Dmitry and his wife pretend to be literal royalty.

“We were soulmates.” says Mrs. Dmitry. “Since the beginning of all time and space.”

“I’m a Romanov! And a sky rap. And a shives. And Shruvdl z. And a shrub.” says Dmitry in complete seriousness (?) to everyone and fools (?) believe him.

“Yes! I’m a million Dollar artist!” says Mrs. Dmitry. “And I’m not just poor and Eastern European, I’m a Scottish aristocrat from Greece and L’Azziz.”

“L’Azziz?” asks a woman.

“Doo doo! Guerlain. Bub!” Mrs. Dmitry giggles. “Bubbles!!”

“Are you calling Guerlain fragrances poop?” asks a man of Mrs. Dmitry.

Mrs. Dmitry looks confused. Dmitry looks important and impossible to defeat as he skillfully lies and impersonates a very powerful, literal British Lord from the late 1800’s.

“I’m worried! Should I hate Guerlain?!?” asks a perfume collector of Dmitry.

“No! Peace be with you…you…peasants!” says Dmitry playing his role awkwardly now. “You may still joyfully wear and display Guerlain!” He then photographs Guerlain bottles and shares them for his audience.

“Oh! Such gentle words and generosity! We may still wear Guerlain! Thank you, Lord Darlington for saving us.” say Dmitry’s followers.

“Peace be with you!” says Dmitry.

“Peace be with me?” scoffs Lacey.

“Yeah! You bitch! You ugly, fucking BITCH!!” yells Dmitry (a.k.a. Lord Darlington) at Lacey.

“You’re raping me.” says Lacey to Dmitry.

Dmitry’s wife nods at Lacey like a stewardess.

“Oh wow! So…you’re violent con artists?!” asks Lacey.

“No!” laughs Dmitry delightfully in relation to Lacey.

Lacey looks baffled.

“We are elite.” Dmitry says to Lacey.

“Yes! Now that we’ve got your attention, let’s be in this perfume conversation together.” says Dmitry’s gay friends.

And at that Chris Hayes rearranges the fabric of the cosmos to create chaos for Lacey out of pure evil. Well, as much as he possibly can rearrange the fabric of the cosmos using the Illuminati. It’s a way the Illuminati kills people using Satan’s Rent-To-Own God Plan.

“For just 6 monthly monthly installments and added monthly ‘good sport member dutiesone has to participate in one can acquire enormous supernatural capabilities relatively easily. It’s…a learning process. …And support staff are always waiting at one’s beck and call. Night and day! Whenever. Wherever. It’s like a concierge service for becoming a literal god.” says a demon advertising in a psychic’s parlor.

“I use Satan’s rent-to-own God Plan.” says Chris Hayes. “When I first started my career in Hollywood I was a real nobody. A nerdy goof. But since starting the God Plan I now own three cars, a boat, two houses and I have sex with prostitutes every day. I also have a terrible drug addiction that returns every few months. And I’m a lot fatter. …But…there’s always sleazy sex and cheap expensive shit…and…famous friends…and…sometimes I can kill people using their own tongues.” says Chris. “It’s funny. When I was a kid I believed in God. Now I believe in science without God…science fiction and…the Devil.”

“He’s become a real man!” says an atheist.

“He’s become Lord Darlington!” says Dmitry. “Right??”

“Anyway…the point is…Lacey we need you to approve of our posts. Everyone has their reasons to but you should for the purposes of my ego.” says Dmitry. “We’ll be devastated if you don’t take hours to be happy and nice to us. Everyday. Or…whatever it is you usually hear? Just…follow me and follow my wife. She’ll unfollow you soon enough after you’ve followed her to put you specifically into a lower socio-economic status or a lower rank of morality and integrity as a human being in the perfume community on her word of honor but…as Lord Darlington…for real we demand you do it. We are honorable!” says Dmitry.

“They are!!!” yell Dmitry’s gay friends.

“They are!!” yells Malaysia.

“Why do I have to care?!?” asks Lacey getting tired.

“You don’t!” says Joe Jr. to Lacey with seeming love and compassion.

Fast forward a couple of years and we find Dmitry and his wife and Casi where we left them before. In a rather…peculiar situation.

Apologize by OneRepublic plays.

Suddenly Dmitry is standing with his wife in the background on the side of a mountain in the Swiss Alps surrounded by thousands of rose petals and lit tea lights. His wife is held back by gay men who claim to be Dmitry’s friends.

“DMITRY!!! DMITRY!!” Mrs. Dmitry yells but a man silences Mrs. Dmitry by putting his hand over Mrs. Dmitry’s mouth.

“Casi! I would like to take a moment.” says Dmitry as he gets down on one knee. He pulls out an enormous diamond engagement ring.

Yeah?!???” says Casi oddly trying to sound like a blond bimbo. Casi plays with the ends of her hair and chews gum loudly.

Apologize rings out.

Dmitry bows his head down in an attempt at masculine submission to Casi’s so-called, feminist-divine-shit-stuffy-stuffy. Mrs. Dmitry kicks the men in front of her and three men fall over in the kerfuffle.

Kick Kennedy hands Casi a microphone and JFK oddly stands over the situation looking TOTALLY CONFUSED but silent.

“I’m in love with your poop.” says Dmitry seriously to Casi as he stands up. He almost holds Casi’s hands between his own but he almost vomits at the thought. Actually…the whole thing is so overwhelming to him that he suddenly collapses into convulsions on the ground. He flails around like a fish out of water struggling to survive without water.

“He’s GAY!!” say the gay men pointing fingers at Dmitry.

“I’m not gay!!! I’m in love with my wife!” says Dmitry as he flails around the candles and rose petals like a fish, as he extinguishes the flames.

Fearful Odds by M83 plays.

“Dmitry!!” yells Mrs. Dmitry racing toward him. In this case they believe Dmitry might not be gay.

Mrs. Dmitry grabs Dmitry and kneels down next to him.

“I don’t think we belong here!” says Mrs. Dmitry to Dmitry.

“Do you love me?!?” asks Dmitry with deep sadness. He looks blind.

“Yes! Always!” says Mrs. Dmitry to Dmitry.

“I think I was a fool. We can’t be so evil.” says Dmitry to his wife. “I really think I might love you a lot more or a lot less than I can comprehend.” he says to his wife.

“Was it her boobs? They’re big like mine.” asks Mrs. Dmitry.

“Are your boobs actually better?!?” asks Dmitry of Mrs. Dmitry.

“I think it’s important to be honest.” says Mrs. Dmitry.

“You’re boobs are better.” says Dmitry to Mrs. Dmitry.

And at that they walk off together.

Fuck Wit Dre Day by Dr. Dre plays.

Joe Kennedy Jr. knocks over the scene, casually and carelessly causing minor injuries to the victims of the scene.

“Casi! Casi! Casi…we need to be sexy!” says Joe Jr..

Casi looks at him genuinely confused. Casi might not necessarily be as bright as she can pretend to be.

“Casi, we’re the true people.” says Joe to Casi.

And at that Pat Wilson comes up and cuts off Casi’s head.

Put Your Head On My Shoulder by Paul Anka plays as Pat examines Casi’s head.

“Huh! Joe she was just a weird bitch.” says Pat about Casi.

“Pat don’t try to control me.” says Joe Kennedy Jr. to Pat.

“That’s not right! You can’t control me!” says Pat Wilson.

“I don’t control you!! You control me!!!” yells Joe Kennedy Jr. at Pat Wilson.

“You…control…ME!!!” yells Pat at Joe.

“No!!!” yells Joe.

“Noo!” yells Pat.

“No!” yells Joe.

“No!!” yells Pat.

“No!!” yells Joe.

“Noooo!” says Pat.

“No! No! No.” says Joe.

“No.” says Pat smiling.

“Casi was cool.” says Joe.

“Casi was cool?” asks Pat shrugging.

“Yeah. Don’t you think so, dear?” Joe asks Pat peacefully.

“Aww, you had a crush on her.” Pat says to Joe as they cuddle.

“Yeah, love…I did.” Joe says about Casi to Pat.

“I know. You like big boobs.” says Pat to Joe.

“I do!” says Joe laughing.

“You lied to Lacey about that!” says Pat.

“I like certain body parts. I’m an expert at figuring out body parts.“ says Joe.

“No! You lied.” says Pat.

“Yeah! I lose track of things.” says Joe. “I struggled with that. Flying planes and in law school.”

“You somewhat ruined Lacey’s life. And now she literally might die with her entire family in four months.” says Pat Wilson to Joe.

And at that the CIA sees that the Illuminati can’t handle itself. It has gone insane.

Bobby can’t handle that Lem wasn’t his secret fuck buddy who never was? Or that his family was really that messed-up?

“We’re stronger than you!” say all the Kennedys to Lacey.

“Because we’re DEAD!” they say psychotically.

“I’m gonna rouse them up!” says a dead black homeless man who was tricked into thinking Lacey yelled at him while he was alive by Joe.

“I’m sorry! I’m not impressed!” says Bob Kennedy.

“That’s because you’re protected by the U. S. Government officials who suck your cock! Daily!” says Louis.

So they try to kill her.

Later.

“The whole idea of society is to worship me!” says Bobby Kennedy Jr.

The Suburbs by Arcade Fire plays.

“Oh come on! Everybody jerks off at night to me.” says Bobby Kennedy Jr..

“Or moi!” says Caroline.

They hold hands and do a choreographed, synchronized dance routine.

All I Know by Washed Out plays.

“I hate how feminine your figure is! I’m slightly gay too!” says Joe Kennedy Jr. to Lacey.

“But I’m in love with her figure!” says Michael Rockefeller about Lacey.

“That’s not true.” says Joe Kennedy Jr. to Michael.

“No! I find the female form arousing!” says Michael.

“Lacey’s body isn’t female! It’s just shit!” say Caroline and Bobby as they dance.

“No!! It’s feminine! It’s superior to any Kennedy woman who possibly has ever lived for all of human history. Or Fitzgerald.” says Michael. “And you’re so jealous you can’t stand it.”

“Yes! It’s just-“ says Eunice.

“That’s hurtful!” yells JFK Jr..

“If I was a woman Lem would love my body! I’d be her equal or her superior or whatever it must be too win!” says JFK.

“No! You’d be surprised how ugly you’d be compared to her. And it doesn’t matter anyway. I wish I’d never met you. I wish you’d just died as a child.” says Lem to JFK.

“It doesn’t matter anyway? So basically…you mean to say that…that you don’t love Lacey. You just love…sex. And you wish you’d never met me because you don’t want to love me as much as you do but you can’t help yourself so you wish you’d never met me.” says JFK to Lem.

“No! I really wish…I didn’t know you at all. I wish you were someone who I could have had God deal with for me. You’re exhausting to be loving to at all.” Lem says to JFK.

“So you’re in love with me but I’m extremely exhausting to deal with?” asks JFK of Lem.

“No!! I don’t hate you. I just…wish I didn’t have to talk to you for eternity the way it was the minute I met you.” says Lem to JFK.

“That’s gibberish!” says JFK to Lem.

“Right but like…you love Lacey because she’s curvy and shit…and that makes me want to vomit. But…whatever. It’s just we’re being honest. Men hate women and love big boobs.” says Joe Jr..

Jack bullies Lacey.

“That’s sad. You don’t understand what women are supposed to look like. They’re supposed to look like this.” says Michael shoving bedroom photos of Lacey in Joe’s face.

Joe looks extremely disappointed in someone other than Lacey.

“Jack. You aren’t her.” says Lem to Jack.

“Don’t lie. You’re MADLY in love with me!” says Jack before trying to literally kill Lacey but he can’t kill her because she doesn’t let him kill her. No. They’re not the same person. They NEVER WILL BE THE SAME EXACT PERSON.

“You killed your wife after hatching the plot to do so with your present wife. Isn’t that correct?” asks the CIA of Bobby Kennedy Jr..

Time To Walk Away by Washed Out plays.

“I had a great time in the Bahamas with Mary Larry Harry Kennedy.” says Bobby Kennedy.

“I need to have three more minutes!” said The Babe on the phone to Bobby.

Wobbly giggled a smarmy giggle. “Okay! That’s fine. What? Do you want to hear me breathing through the receiver?!”

“Yeah! It’s just so nice to hear you breath!” said The Babe.

“Oh geez!” said Bobby.

“Geez!” said The Babe playfully.

As you may have surmised The Babe and Bobby were sharing beds in Boston.

A horse and a pig race past us.

(Adult content below)

“Tonight we will eat the food of the gods.” said Bobby in a smarmy voice to The Babe. And what were their hot, smarmy plans? You know what? …Oral…sex.

“Oral sex?!? WOW!” said Bill Gates genuinely impressed with the way Bobby worked his magic.

“I thought you were ultimately deep, faithful and honest with me.” said Mrs. Bobby Jr. walking in on them while they gave each other oral sex.

“What?!?” asked Bobby Jr.. “It’s just sex!”

“You promised me no more of this!” said Mrs. Bobby Jr.

Bobby just went blank.

“Did you put him up to this tonight?” Mrs. Bobby asked The Babe.

“I did!” said The Babe violently.

“Then you’re obviously trying to kill me. Because that’s the only thing we had left.” said Mrs. Bobby Jr..

“No! That’s not true!” said The Babe. She laughed at the poor woman.

“He’s been sleeping with LOTS of women using his mouth for years. And unlike you I don’t see any problem with it!” she said condescendingly. “I want love. Not falsities and arrogance!”

Bobby looked happy. “Yes! Amen.” he said imitating Lem.

“Can you leave us alone?!? Huh?! Just the once! You’re soo obsessed with me and I’m starting get scared.” said The Babe.

“He’s my husband!” said Mrs. Bobby weakly.

“Then don’t depend on men. Right?!” said The Babe.

“You have no idea how conniving and evil he is! He’s like a black hole.” said Mrs. Bobby.

“A black hole?!? Ha! That’s a riot! Wow…” said The Babe. “No. He’s the single most caring caring man I’ve ever known my entire life!” She fell apart in tears. “I don’t think you know who you’re really married to. So don’t come in here and preach to me about morality and ethics and the Catholic Church! Go be a homeless white whore!”

Mrs. Bobby then tried to beat The Babe up.

“Woah! That’s not cool, ladies! That’s unnecessary for little ol’ me! Just…be friends. Okay!?” said Bobby Jr.. “I’ll go get some dope and we can shoot-up and all have sex?! Huh?! That’ll be chill! Or we can fuck some horses? Literally after shooting -up!” he said seriously with deep earnest.

“I’m not screwing your ugly, bitch wife! You gotta be kidding me Jack!” said The Babe.

“I’m married to my horse, Ed.” said Bobby.

“That’s true. He’s got a thing for horses.” said Mrs. Bobby.

“Oh! That’s fine! I’m a psychologist. I can fix that.” said The Babe.

“I’ve tried. For years!” said Mrs. Bobby.

“Yeah. You’re a psychological master.” said Bobby to The Babe. “She’s better than you. And if I say that it’s a holy thing because I fuck horses and then paint hearts and images of my cock in glitter on their asses to make them feel pretty. I’m sure I’ll be faithful to her. Because I’m sure of it.” he said to Mrs. Bobby, his wife.

“Yeah. Bobby…just needs time.” said The Babe.

“Time with what?!” asked Mrs. Bobby.

“Time to heal from his wounds from you! You are so beautiful and strong and bright and brave. …But…we need more than that from ourselves. We need freedom to be BOLD! …And I…want freedom to be HAPPY.” said The Babe to Mrs. Bobby.

Mrs. Bobby bitterly broke into tears, and started to walk away from The Babe when The Babe stormed after her and said, “You can’t control me with those tears! No, sir! No! You cannot! …So…before you march away from here I want an apology or I want you to walk off a fucking cliff!”

“Okay! I’ll kill myself. But then you did it. In some small so did he! And if you’d like to help I’ll be happy to let you.” Mrs. Bobby said.

“Okay! Cool! Let’s get a rope and just make this happen!” said Bobby.

“Wait? What?! Now?!!” asked Mrs. Bobby.

“Yeah! We need rope! I’ll be right back!” said Bobby.

While Bobby disappeared to get the rope The Babe stoic and stared at Mrs. Bobby.

“It really is better this way. Then you won’t have to watch us be happy in a way you couldn’t be. It’s sad…but I think you should be proud and happy with what you’ve done in your life and and feel warmed and cherished and nurtured by how we care about you. …When he comes back let’s sing a song together and then we’ll hang you.” said The Babe.

“Hey! Let’s sing!” said Bobby upon returning.

“Yeah! We can read each other’s thoughts. It’s called telepathy in the Illuminati and it’s awesome!” said The Babe to Mrs. Bobby.

“How about Splish Splash followed by Blowing In The Wind!” said Bobby.

They all stand there as Bobby and The Babe do a musical version of both songs. With hand gestures, dancing and Bobby flashing the lights on and off for special effect.

“For the love of-Can I die now?!? Please?!?” asked Mrs. Bobby.

“No!! No!! Why don’t you EVER LET ME HAVE FUN? WHEN DO I GET LOVED?!?” asked Bobby.

“Yeah, I know! I know. I’ll get my guitar.” said The Babe.

Returning with her guitar she strums a bit before starting on, Take Me Home, Country Roads by John Denver with Bobby Kennedy Jr. as soloist of course.

They then take Mrs. Bobby to the barn, tie her up and she goes through the dying process with Bobby singing Sisters Are Doin’ It for Themselves by The Eurythmics to cheer on The Babe.

Once dead Mrs. Bobby runs far away.

“Huh! That’s sad. Why did she do it?!” asks The Babe.

“She was always so sad. You know?!” said Bobby

“Yeah! You’re right. Aww! That’s sad. Well…I’m glad we’re getting married soon so we both have something or look forward to.” said The Babe.

“When?” asked Bobby.

“What? Like…six months?” asked The Babe.

“Yeah! Cool. …You are…so cool!” said Bobby.

Later.iii

Lacey’s daughter suddenly struggles to breath, Lacey wakes up for no reason and hears her and Lacey wakes her husband and he takes her to the emergency room. Lacey’s daughter is four and has been healthy.

Is dying or not? Lacey waits at home with her son to let him sleep.

Did Wobbly put a Shit out for Lacey’s daughter?? Lacey worries.

“Nothing will ever kill him.” say the demons helping him live.

“She’s not supposed to die like this.” says Lacey.

“No!!” says Mrs. Bobby.

“If my daughter dies tonight I’m posting it ok this blog. I’m telling people you all killed her. And it’s going to get bloody in a very Holy Spirit inspired way.” Lacey says to the Illuminati as a fair warning.

Time passes.

“She’s my daughter. I’m her only mom. And if she does die tonight this may be real End Times.” says Lacey.

Time passes.

“It’s odd. When the Illuminati relents sudden I can breath.” says Lacey.

“If your daughter dies tonight, Lem gets his daughter.” says a man. “As in, he gets to raise his daughter. Because I have a feeling you supernaturally conceived her with Lem.”

“And her grandfather gets to protect her.” says Thomas Banks. “And hopefully go to the zoo.”

“Or she’s my daughter and it’ll be fascinating to see what happens when she dies. Because she’s going to be with God. But it’s too soon. So…it’s Gods design being tampered with to a PSYCHOTIC degree. And…I’m not pleased.” says Michael Rockefeller. “If she does even die. Lacey is sick and tired of you torturing her and her family. …I’m here in the emergency room watching her and it’s heartbreaking. I’d like to be able hold her but also in an era when men still could hold their daughters and not be seen as pedophilic because the men weren’t pedophiles but loving fathers.”

“And if I’m her father…my father is figuring out how to arrange a great many things. We’re not going to be sad about it.” says Lem. “It’s really in God’s hands.”

“Wobbly…are you trying successfully or unsuccessfully to murder Lem’s actual daughter out of jealousy?” asks Ernest Hemingway.

“He’s asleep!” says Mrs. Wobbly.

“As in he’s asleep or as in he’s dead?” asks a man laughing.

“And if she dies…they’re all dying. No one is grieving in that family. Lacey’s not living 40 years with you dysfunctional nitwits killing literal dogs to keep her alive.” says Louis to the Illuminati.

“Are we killing her tonight?” a demon asks Satan.

A strong wind suddenly blows outside. It’s loud.

“It’s God rescuing her if she dies and goes to be with Him. But it shouldn’t happen until God desires for it to happen.” says Lacey. “God could end the whole world if he wanted to.”

More later.

Her daughter returns home alive. She had croup.

More later.

Ocean Eyes by Billie Eilish plays.

Bobby Jr. managed to supernaturally pull Lacey’s daughter’s hair this morning. But it was 1968 too.

“How old is he?” asks Lacey of God.

“8.” says God?

Bobby found a way to stay 8 and then hitch a ride through time and space to 1968. To pull Lem’s daughter’s hair and Lacey was alerted ahead of time.

But that’s why you shouldn’t date ghosts. Because Bobby would have been heartbroken by Lacey’s daughter. Possibly he’d of been driven to suicide because they wouldn’t have known how to break it to him nicely that they weren’t interested and being more fit than Lacey in that way they’d have been safe in the sense that he’d have actually have heard her no. And Lacey’s daughter’s no would have sent Bobby reeling into a deep deadly depression.

Here’s how it happened: Lacey’s daughter was waking up from falling asleep next to her mom in an entirely non-sexual and safe way so that her mom (Lacey) could keep an eye and ear on her breathing and keep her alive. And then as Lacey’s daughter woke-up and Lacey was lovingly touching her daughter’s head with her hand before Laceys ex-husband picked up Lacey’s daughter to go eat breakfast Lacey got her finger stuck in her daughter’s hair in a slight tangle. And then…she heard Bobby Kennedy Sr. laugh as he stood over them.

“No! I know it’s symbolic of Bobby’s sexuality…but it was Lacey’s hand…so now the Illuminati is trying to make it look like Lacey wanted to molest her daughter because she got her fingers stuck in her daughter’s hair by accident.” says Lem Billings of his daughter’s hair and his wife Lacey’s hand.

“I have no sexual or romantic interests or feelings towards my daughter or any of my children or any children. I’m not aroused by children at all.” says Lacey to the Illuminati and the child hostages the Illuminati molests who are being tortured by Illuminati pedophiles to terrify Lacey and the kids too. She’s told them that possibly thousands of times in the last seven years.

“Why don’t you ever get aroused by our tactics?” asks a seething pedophile of Lacey. Lacey has never abused any child including her own. But Lacey’s so terrified of molestation as a concept that she still has to ask herself if she’s a pedophile and that the question itself is also terrifying. But Lacey isn’t dumb enough to believe in her own magical infallibility so she uses her conscience to make sure she’s actually innocent.

“I don’t get aroused because I’m not a pedophile. And even if I could possibly be that decrepit I wouldn’t let myself partake in it because I still have free will. But in saying that, I clarify again that I’m not a pedophile.” says Lacey. “And in saying that I’m not a pedophile I mean that I’m not aroused by children at all.”

“Is pedophilia an orientation?” asks a middle class person in America.

“No! It’s a clear form of derangement. Calling it an orientation is an attack on language and humanity.” says Lacey.

“There likely are no orientations at all just ways people try to justify their insanity. Right?! Isn’t that where you Satanists are derailing the conversation to now?!” says Louis.

“No! They’re still trying to insist she’s pedophilic. Or poor.” says Lem.

“There are no orientations because Heterosexuality is the only orientation. The rest are just bullshit. And Lacey’s possible death and ability to talk to ghosts isn’t an orientation in her case.” says Louis. “She’s explained that to you all so many times.”

“I’m not aroused by ghosts. I’m aroused by men. And men who are dead are my only hope for survival in many cases.” says Lacey.

“There’s no substitute for a living man.” says a faux jealous witch to Lacey on behalf of people who would I stay that.

“I know! I’m just saying I’m not aroused by ghosts or anything spiritual.” says Lacey. “I’m aroused by men. And maybe they’re not even ghosts? Maybe the were resurrected? I don’t know. You are fighting my point not winning. You’re an intellectual bully and rapist not an intellectual.”

“Do you feel like you have a choice at all?” asks a Catholic of Lacey.

“I don’t speak in such generalities. But…I possibly do not have a choice at all.” says Lacey.

“Then I don’t know you.” says the Catholic woman and Jonah to Lacey.

“There is no real Illuminati if you choose to base your power on pedophilia.” says Lem to the Illuminati that insists they’ve always been a pedophilic cult.

“The film Portrait of Jennie from 1948 has always been my favorite way to convince myself that I’m not just hating you.” says the Catholic woman to Lacey. “Why can’t you marry a living poor man though? Because the Illuminati is holding you hostage? Okay! But then I have to forgive you for being better than me and you have to be my bitch and best friend upon penalty of death.”

“So why can’t you help her get right with God instead of possibly hating her? Because it’s possible her family might be blown-up by the I RA out of respect for Lacey father.” says an Irish man. “But it’s a question of God’s will so perhaps she’s not able to be killed. We’ll see what God wants.”

“I’m just waiting for this stupid woman to shut-up. Right? I mean…okay…the praise songs about Jesus being our lover are weird but…she’s such a bitch!” says Jonah Wiley of Ireland.

“How is my wife a bitch?” asks Louis.

“She’s a bitch for not offering to suck my cock, make me cum and then also for not sending me naked photos too. Because it’s presumptuous on her part not to. Like…who does she think I am?! Who does she think she even is?! She’s old.”

An edited mix/mashup of It’s Not Unusual by Tom Jones and Love Song For A Savior and Jars of Clay plays as Jonah’s theme song.

“Why would you expect a woman to do that?” asks Lacey of Jonah.

Delilah by Tom Jones plays.

“Jonah the entire upper class might pray to be killed because of you. Why do you require women to be naked to take them seriously?” asks Bill Gates.

“I just get tons of women sending me pictures of their bodies and I get them and then delete them. But…why would you want me to take you seriously when you’re not even trying that hard? Like…some women prostrate themselves in order to get my attention and it speaks to me of Christ’s love for us. And I love them for it. So why doesn’t she? It’s rude. It’s stuffy and rude and egotistical!”

“Yeah! I agree!” say all the Kennedys to Jonah Wiley.

“How is it rude for my wife not to send you naked photos?” asks Lem of Jonah.

“Because I’m a celebrity in her time.” says Jonah Wiley of Ireland.

“So as a celebrity like the Kennedys of the Kennedy family who are trying to kill the upper class to take over the country…you expect women to let you use them like they’re prostitutes for free?!” asks Lem. “You open those messages to see the women naked. Don’t you? And then you lie to yourself about it because you’re a prude and a fake person? Or you lie about it to everyone and you LOVE IT?! You’re a porn addict in recovery so why don’t you worry about those messages arousing and addicting you?”

“Get away from me you peasant!” says Jonah to Bill Gates.

“How are you a peasant!? I’ll tell you how!” says Kick Kennedy to Bill Gates in her way that people assumed in some circles was raw sex appeal. “You don’t think! My family is filled with thinkers. Thinkers and tinkerers who are sexy, juicy, hot beef! …I’m a sexy bitch! …I am. And so are you! You’re hot! And we should have intercourse. I’ll stick my penis…”. She laughs awkwardly. “I have hot tub and no penis!” She laughs awkwardly. “Stick your penis in my hot tub!” She bounces her head weirdly.

“No! I get it! That’s totally a Holy Spirit Jesus moment!” says Jonah Wiley to Kick.

“Jonah! Come join me in my hottie hot tub!” says Kick.

“Eww!!” says Jonah teasingly and seriously both.

“Lacey looks messed-up! She’s not getting normal yet! Why is she acting legitimately superior to me? I’m scared, Jonah!” says Kick to Jonah as he gets in Kick’s literal hot tub.

“It’s fun!” says Jonah shrugging.

“Jonah!” says Kick.

Jonah ignores Kick as he sits in the hot tub awkwardly.

“Jonah you want me?” asks Kick.

He shrugs. Smiles.

“Jonah! Fuck me now!” yells Kick like a drill sargent.

He starts rocking himself back and forth in the tub awkwardly.

“Sexy!” yells Kick in a silly voice at Jonah.

He laughs with her joyfully suddenly. “I’m not ready to…fuck the shit out of you!” says Jonah to Kick.

Suddenly Kick poops in the hot tub. Jonah doesn’t notice.

“Something smells spicy!” says Jonah.

“Jonah, why are we elite?” asks Kick.

He laughs and takes a deep breath of her poop.

“It’s about sex and we are the epitome of all that’s sexy!” says Jonah seriously.

Kick looks aghast. “Jonah! Don’t say that!”

“Why?! Do you want me to feed you?!” asks Jonah.

“Umm…I just farted!” says Kick trying to sound sexy.

He giggles, looks down into the hot tub and sees her feces at the bottom of the hottie hot tub.

“I wanna have sex with you, Kathleen Kennedy of Ireland and the great seas of beyond.”

“Fuck! …Okay! Let me get my gun and let’s go get hitched!” says Kick laughing merrily.

“Umm! No! Eww!” says Jonah.

“YOU BITCH!!” yells Kick at Jonah.

“What?! Why??” says Kick, devastated.

“Because I need more time!” yells Jonah. “I’m working on my life right now. I need time to process my pain. And then maybe we can be friends and have sex. And then we can get married and have kids together. But not until I’m ready. And Lick…I’m just not ready yet. I don’t want to lose my figure. A man is only young once!”

“I’m the bitch! Not you!” yells Kick as her poop floats by their faces suddenly.

“No! I’m pretty. I have a great figure!? I mean…hello?!? I’m clearly the authority figure in our relationship when it comes to sex.” says Jonah.

“No! I am!” says Kick.

“No! I am!” says Jonah.

A moment later.

“No! As I am…I am!” says Jonah.

“That which is is. And that which isn’t is the meaning of the is existence and the purpose of the universe itself! It is that which isn’t that is and so we are and can be and shall be whilst we are. It’s the meaning that doesn’t matter. And so we have a purpose and that which is doesn’t know the rules of Gotham. I am the wizard of Oz! And we are children of the light! It is!!!” says Casi.