Rocky Territory

Part III. by Crumb plays.

Hat did Jack do? He enabled child molesters to harm hundreds of thousands of healthy, happy children. His family were the scum of the Earth in that way. …He enabled child molesters to ruin themselves and drift further from Christ.

“He enabled queer women to crush on Lacey and only hit their heads against a brick wall realizing that Lacey is truly straight.” says a gay man. “And she’s not even mean.”

“Jack ruined romantic love.” says Harold.

“Far more than me.” says Zelda.

Jack grins, still high as a kite on Lem’s love. Even all these years later.

“Yeah. I stole Lacey’s entire meaning to exist.” says JFK. “Outside of what God can do.”

“It’s a joke to Bobby?!” asks Lord Mountbatten.

“Did the IRA calculate for Chris Wannabe or Jack in all their profound sense of moral superiority?!” asks Louis Hill Jr..

“No they didn’t!” say Irish women in the IRA.

“That was hideous.” says Lacey to those Irish women.

“Jack destroyed all of Irish history.” say all men in the IRA.

“At least the parts that the Irish care about.” St. Valentine.

“See this is why we gave up on the Irish. Or is it?” says Great Britain.

“Lem, a lot of people think you were a very pathetic man.” says hundreds (just hundreds) of Millennials. “Like…pathetic!”

“Lem…you just were.” says a Millennial man. “Come on dude! Why?!?” He looks at Lem empathetically. “You seem like one of the dumbest or most internally ugly humans to ever live.”

“If I was gay? Or bisexual?” asks Lem.

“Yup!” says the Millennial man.

“Why?!” ask queer women shaking their asses to Satan’s beats. “I love Lem being liberated!”

“From what?!” asks a Greek man of the queer women.

“From a woman like Lacey.” say the queer women.

“So are you guys lesbians or hideous as shit women?” asks a black man.

“They’re hideous on some level. Right??” asks JFK grinning.

“What did Jack steal from the whole of humanity?” asks Lacey.

“Romantic love.” says Lem.

“So you still sucking his cock?!” asks Michael of Lem.

“No! It’s just that…he did.” says Lem. “And no one else was saying it.” Lem thinks. “But what is romantic love? More specifically, what does a man provide a woman?”

“Exactly!” yells Waugh in agreement with Lem as a genuine friend of Lacey’s.

“A man offers what, Lem?!” asks Lem’s father.

“What I gave to Jack instead of Lacey. All his human glory.” says Lem. “His everything. His soul. His protection. His strength. His love. …More so…he takes them. And all I ever did was take Jack. I carried Jack using Lacey. Wasting away her very breath and beauty and life and my family unless she intervenes every day of my life according to me. According to my words.”

“Yes! He tried to steal my soul.” says Lacey matter-of-factly about JFK.

“Steal?!” asks God.

“He’s incapable of loving Lem. He’s literally incapable of it.” says Lacey. “That’s partially why what Lem did was so hideous.”

“Were you a pedophile?” asks Elliott of Lem.

“No!” says Lem.

“Then why?” asks Lacey.

“I thought I was gay.” says Lem. “Because I was molested. Or I was just a fool. But possibly mostly because I was molested.”

“And then JFK tag teamed up with the child molester to ruin romantic love?” asks God.

“Yes!” says JFK.

“Jack are you pretty much pure evil?” a gay man asks JFK.

“Huh?! What the fuck are you talking about?!” asks JFK. He quickly grins.

“Jack…what is romantic love to you?” asks a woman.

Jack shrugs. “It’s whatever Lem says.”

“Why don’t you know?” asks a gay man of JFK.

“It’s whatever Lem says!” say JFK.

“But what does Lem say?!” asks a sexually confused Greatest Generation man in Jack’s administration.

Jack tries to remember. “I don’t know. Lem’s not here.” says JFK.

“Come up with something!” says a Millennial woman to JFK.

“On your own!” yells God.

“It’s hogwash!” says JFK seriously.

“How?” asks Casi.

“Because I don’t wanna suck cock!” says JFK.

“Why?!” asks Casi.

“Huh?!?” asks JFK. Suddenly Jack looks freaked out.

“Jack, why can’t you suck cock?!” asks a man.

“Because it’s…”. He laughs and grins.

“Jack do you have a learning disability?!” ask a Gen. X woman. “Like…did you for real have a learning disability?”

“Lacey has wondered if I’m genuinely retarded.” says JFK. “But I was raised to seem like a genius. And I was still capable of profound evil.” He smiles. “Lacey is helping me right now.”

“Yeah! You might be close to literally retarded Jack.” says Harold. “Huh?”

Lacey shrugs. “God will have to fix it.”

“So the US made a literally retarded man from an extremely wealthy family that was also profoundly evil…U.S. President?! …During the Cold War?!?” laughs Putin.

“Yes! And then they made it…as the icing on the cake…their shining moment of egalitarian glory. In a real way.” says Lacey. “It was…Camelot!”

“Isn’t Camelot British?!” asks Evelyn Waugh.

“Yes!” says Lacey. “As was the whole Kennedy look. Other then the polo shirts.”

“Are they also weirdly Viking?” asks Waugh. “Lacey I think Joe Sr. imitated the Norwegians to seem less Irish to his neighbors. With all that sailing.”

“Sailing the way the Kennedys do is actually kind of Norwegian? Not…Irish?” asks Lacey. “Like…not that the Irish don’t sail. But it’s the way the Kennedy family does it. Their skiing too.”

“No!!! Skiing is definitely a Scandinavian thing.” says all of Norway.

“Oops there goes Michael Lemoyne into a tree.” says Louis Hill Jr.. “And he’s dead!”

“I got hurt skiing!” says Joe Jr.. “Lacey’s family skiis brilliantly. She’s not athletic and she doesn’t know how to ski badly.”

“Joe what was indigenous to your family and not cultural appropriation for the purposes of social climbing in the U.S.?” asks a black man in Africa.

“Our name!” Joe Kennedy Sr. yells.

So Young by Portugal. The Man. for those lacking empathy.

“What else?” asks Lem. “I didn’t have hundreds of real lovers. I didn’t shack up with Jack to get it on casually because I had too much hot, hot sex with dozens of brilliant lovers who I discarded casually.”

“Umm…nothing.” says Joe Sr..

“That’s a lie!” says Lacey. “The Irish eat fish. Seafood. And the Kennedy mansion on Cape Cod is kind of Irish too. Where the house is located next to the ocean and the way it was designed is Irish. …But their culturally appropriated way of fishing is Nordic again. The Norwegians are far more athletic than the Irish.” She thinks. “And I bet Lem thought he was discovering hot Irish ass when it was just Norwegian sport fishing when they went fishing.”

“Or old money fishing!” says Louis. “But the way they did was…possibly distinctly Scandinavian. Because it’s always been easier for a Scandinavian to fit in legitimately in the American old money upper class than an Irish person. They’re Hitler’s master race. Stop lying! …Not just Swedes but Norwegians.”

“Actually, I think the whole ocean sport fishing thing the Kennedy family specifically imitated was distinctly Norwegian!” says a Swede as a joke and the Norwegians don’t find it funny.

“Yeah! Because I was trying to be old money!” says Joe Kennedy Jr. in imitation.

“What if you are just retarded Norwegians with an Irish name? What does Mark Nesheim think of you all?” asks a woman in the Illuminati.

“They’re exactly that. Gross…RETARDED Norwegians with ugly bodies. ALL of them.” says Mark Nesheim. He cracks-up laughing. “The men look like munchkins and the women all look like insects.”

“What if they’re just culturally appropriating the Norwegians? And they’re Irish?” asks Lacey kindly.

“We are Norwegian or I’ll destroy the Norwegians.” said Eunice smiling with her alien tic tac teeth, overly bony oversized nose, frighteningly sharp cheekbones, bizarrely perky hair, manly forehead, manly chin, awkwardly curvy hips, scrawny body overall, and VAIN soul. “I’m the prettiest woman to ever live! I can seduce Satan with my hot ass and curvy hips and make him cum. And he’ll destroy the Norwegians. And God will still love me MORE than Lacey.” she said seriously most of her life before she even knew what she was saying.

“No! They’re ALL like that.” says Evelyn Waugh. “But what’s the point of seducing Satan, Eunice?”

“He’s powerful!” says Eunice like an actual idiot.

Marion Barfs by Clint Mansell plays.

“I never die drugs!” says Eunice incredulously.

“Yeah right! I bet you’re the one who hooked Bobby and Lem on it?!” says Lacey to Eunice. “Did you dope them up on heroin to molest and rape them or what? …Did you also eat unborn babies and then use your frozen poop to try to get off? You’re a worm from Mars? I’m sorry you were born other than for your kids if so? …Do you still want to exist or is it too difficult to accept Christ?”

“No! We had Lem!!” Eunice in a smarmy voice possibly rejects Christ in Purgatory.

“No! That was a lie!!” yells Lem.

“No! We had you!” says Eunice to Lem et. all trying to sound sad for Lacey.

“No! It was a lie!” says Lem to Eunice.

“It was! We were in love!” says Eunice to Lem seriously.

Jack sighs.

Then all the Kennedys individually roll their eyes.

“He’s mine. But okay!” says Jack cracking-up.

Eunice smiles apologetically toward JFK and then hides it.

Joe Kennedy Jr. tries to stay exceptionally still and quiet so as not to arouse suspicion.

Rosemary wonders why she had to be cursed with (in reality mildly good looks) good looks.

Bobby Jr. worries he needs to explain why he’s always so sexy apparently?

And they’re all completely serious and unspeakably lacking in awareness and humility.

“Humility?! That’s when you win a prize! I don’t care what anyone has ever meant in their hearts. Or what the definition is. It’s whatever I say it is.” says Dr. Moritz. “The moment someone interacts with me or lets me read their works I can DEFILE them. That’s the thematic brilliance of poop Hell and gumshoe hop. Bang! Bang! Bang! I farted. In the million DOLLAR SLAR chicken sex.” He thinks. “See!! Zap! Zap!! Zig.”

“I didn’t want to fuck any of you!” says Lem to the entire Kennedy family.

“At Oxford I learned that I can destroy the fabric of the universe if I lie. Because they don’t believe in reality anymore.” say Dr. Moritz.

“Some of them do!” says Louis Hill Jr..

“But they don’t always think homosexuality exists!” says Eunice.

“True. They think it’s an evil mental illness or an actual mental illness!” says Lacey.

“I do not cook my own meth! Liar!” says Bobby Kennedy Jr.. “Actually I prefer to slow down my thinking because I’m kind of an idiot and speeding up my thoughts makes me feel dumber and manic.”

Eunice laughs at Bobby Jr.. She thinks he’s adorable with all his drug addictions and such.

“Why?!” asks Joe Sr. of Eunice.

“Because it’s cute. And I get to win!” Eunice says heartlessly.

“What’s wrong?” asks JFK, confused but still smiling.

“Joe…maybe it was a bad call to impersonate actual Norwegian Americans like the Nesheims.” says a Sioux woman.

“That’s not true! You darkie!” yells Bobby Kennedy Jr. at the entirety of all indigenous peoples everywhere. He dances sexy at 5 feet 9 inches to demonstrate the power of his penis in his hideous Boomer-man pants. “My sexy family is bringing the beats, yo!”

“I think Lem is a handsome man.” says a gay man.

The Kennedy family grows nervous and agitated as individuals.

“But you don’t want him? Right?!” asks Kick confidently.

“What if I actually did?!” asks the gay man.

“You’re our best friends, you’d never take him from us. Right?!” ask the Kennedys each in their own way.

“What if one of us really did?!” asks another gay man.

“Then we’d unite!!” says Joe Kennedy Sr..

“You’d unite?!” say Bobby Kennedy Jr. to his own family. He scoffs.

“Yeah! It’s a lie!” they all say in unison.

Then they dismantle into chaos in unison.

Then they reassemble in unison.

Then they dismantle in unison.

Reassemble at random…in unison.

Disassemble in unison that’s too perfect…in unison.


Fail at but attempt a double reassemble.

“What about Lem?” asks Lacey.

And at that they scatter like various types of cars on an icy road. All driving off in various directions. Some get stuck. And then Jack crashes through and knocks several cars over. Eunice’s head is popped off her body as she flies out of her window and hits the ground.

As they are dead they all reassemble. Eunice looks fine again.

The Kennedys not Jack look slightly hurt on an emotional level. They stand in confusion, holding back their individual emotions to try to “be strong” like Vikings. Jack re-emerges in imitation of Kathryn Merteuil to be old money New Amsterdam in reality or in effect.

6 Underground by Sneaker Pimps plays as Jack walks back to the scene of car accidents (where the people have been reassembled) wearing his clothes like he’s a model. He looks high as a kite on Lem’s love, as per usual.

“Hey…” says Jack smiling in genuine happiness.

His siblings stand and stare at him. He’s too high to notice

“I think it’s a win!” says JFK smiling wide and proud to his family as if it’s familial win.

“What did we win?!” asks Eunice.

Love Song For A Savior plays.

“The U. S. Presidency in 1960.” says JFK.

“Hey! That’s great Jack!” says Peter Lawford. He pats Jack on the back.

“Yeah! We DID IT!!!” says Jack clapping his hands in the air.

Kick jumps up and down giddily and weirdly as a ghost.

Eunice looks like she thinks the U. S. Presidency is pretty. “Drapes!” Eunice mumbles under her breath.

“Don’t talk about how I’m starving Lem’s kids to death by convincing them that food is gross and causing deadly allergies. When Lem Billings sucks my homosexual hard cock tonight I want it to feel great when I orgasm.” says JFK to Louis Hill Jr. literally or in essence. JFK laughs like he and Louis are on the same side. Two birds of a feather.

Love Song For A Savior by Jars of Clay plays.

It’s a summer night at the White House in 1960. The weather has been perfect. Louis sits in a rocking chair outside on the porch. Jack Kennedy stands staring up into the stars, leaning against a pillar. Jack smokes.

Louis watches coldly now.

Drive by Warpaint plays.

“You know…I never knew I was a faggot, but I guess I am.” says JFK turning to look at Louis. “I owe all my success to Lem Billings. He’s my everything.” Jack scoffs. “No, I’d never be where I am if he hadn’t always fixed everything like my dad does.”

Jack sits down next to Louis calmly and casually.

“You’re a faggot too! Aren’t you!?” JFK says to Louis as if it’s an obvious fact he’s only just now starting to understand fully.

JFK who is incredibly aroused by Louis Hill Jr. looks up into Louis’s eyes.

“Why don’t you understand how beautiful you are?!” JFK asks Louis. Then the U. S. President moves his hand over to Louis and caresses Louis’s face and the tendrils of Louis’s hair. He avoids knocking Louis’s glasses off his face.

“I grew-up in Minnesota too!” says JFK trying to act like a woman all of a sudden.

“Where?!” asks Louis, intrigued.

“Where was F. Scott Fitzgerald from?” asks JFK.

Louis laughs.

“I’m Norwegian, you know. A little. Or no…Danish!” says JFK. “If I was a woman I’d be named Ingrid.”

“Oh! Like Inga?!” asks Louis like a trained counselor.

Jack laughs. Looks down. Then looks back over at Louis with fondness.

“You…are…magnetic!” Jack says to Louis. “My god, I wanna fuck you!”

“Go on!!” says Louis.

“It’s not like normal sex.” says JFK as if he’s trying to explain astronomy to an idiot.

“What’s it like, handsome?” asks Louis playing along.

“It’s like sex…but…you don’t have to care. The love just magically comes out of nowhere. …Like with Jackie I have to give a fuck about her feelings and buy her pretty stuff. You know how women are. …But with gay sex…it’s so happy. You can always take and never give back. Lem is inexhaustible and…all I have to do is breath.” Jack scoffs at heterosexual sex. “I just want and want and he gives and gives.” says Jack trying to sound intellectual and southern.

“Lem is a poor man, Jack?” asks Louis.

Jack Kennedy looks confused.

“Like…poor in material possessions?!” asks Louis.

Jack looks upset. “No!! How dare you!” yells Jack.

Louis doesn’t react but just sits and watches.

“He’s a nigger lover!” laughs Jack. “His family was rich as hell…but they had shit for brains!” he says pointing to his head. He looks guilty.

“You let Lem believe you love him. Don’t you?” asks Louis. “Why?”

“He’s not pretty enough.” scoffs JFK happily. Then Jack Kennedy reaches over and patronizingly and teasingly grabs Louis’s penis.

Unaroused Louis looks into Jack’s eyes and pretends to be aroused. “Go on, Jack!” says Louis in a feminine voice.

“I have it hot!” says Jack shaking his butt in his seat.

“You’ve been thinking about me all night?!” asks Louis. “Where did you come from, lover?!”

Jack laughs joyfully. “I have two kilos of cocaine upstairs I was going to snort to fuck Lem later. But I’d rather use them with you.”

Then Jack reaches over and kisses Louis on the lips, grabbing Louis’s head in his hands. Louis doesn’t react.

Jack tries to kiss Louis again. Louis laughs at him. Then Jack stands up and punches Louis in the face when Louis doesn’t kiss back.

“I don’t understand why men never kiss me back!” says JFK weeping bitterly suddenly.

“Who have you known, Jack?” asks Louis.

“Several men.” Jack stops crying then. He laughs maniacally.

“You just fell in love with me. Didn’t you? You get kisses back. All the time. …But not from Lem…yeah?” asks Louis.

“I did not just fall in love with you!! You son…of a bitch!” says Jack Kennedy.

“You did!” says Louis Hill Jr..

“No!! Dammit!” yells Jack backing away.

“Jack we know you’re selling orphans to violent criminals who molest them.” says a well dressed man emerging from behind Jack.

Jack stays quiet.

“And you’re starving Lem’s kids?” asks a third man in a nice suit emerging out of nowhere.

“Yes!! I’m sure he has kids somewhere! …He lies!” yells Jack. “You’re all LIARS!!” yells JFK.

“Why do you rape that man?” asks a fourth man seemingly emerging out of nowhere.

“I’m going to find some hungry faggots for you tonight, peaches!” said a man who will remain nameless to JFK.

And at that JFK got gang raped by several men not yet listed or not Louis and seemingly at least two of those men. And Jack stopped caring about Lem almost at all because Lem didn’t act that way. Lem acted…uninterested.

And three exasperating years later…JFK was shot.

More later.

“Wait! Wait! Why was my uncle shot?!” asks David A. Kennedy of Lacey.

“I’ll explain in a moment!” says Lacey.

A few minutes later.

“Because….” says Lacey.

“Let’s discuss dinner.” says Louis.

“Apparently that’s necessary for your question to be answered.” says Lacey.

“So! Here’s the thing…you asked if Lem understood. Let’s see if he did.” says Louis.

Lem thinks. “Why are we going out to dinner?” he asks Lacey in a hostile tone.

It’s a phone conversation in 1964.

Unspeakably genuinely devastated but still loving Lacey responds, “Lem you asked me to dinner.”

“Yeah! I did.” he admits stupidly.

“Why are you attacking me?” she asks him kindly.

“I want sex.” says Lem quietly.

“With who?” asks Lacey sincerely.

He struggles. “I want sex with you!” he says as if they have some unspoken intimacy between them.

“I don’t know you. What an odd thing to suggest so rudely.” says Lacey.

“Yeah!” Lem says apologetically.

“Are you quite alright?!” asks Lacey with sincere concern.

“Ha!” Lem says awkwardly.

Lacey waits for his thoughts.

A few seconds later. “Are you still there?!” Lem asks her.

“What are you trying to do?” asks Lacey.

“You are hungry?” asks Lem.

“Yes! What are you trying to do? Poison me?” asks Lacey sincerely.

Lem laughs.

“Look, I know the kind of pieces of shit you’re friends with you terrorist. I won’t go down without a fight if you try to kill me with my bloody soup you fag zombie monster!” says Lacey fighting back tears.

“I’m not a zombie.” says Lem.

“Then why are you attacking me?” asks Lacey.

“I’m in love with you.” says Lem to Lacey.

“Oh dear, really?!” says Lacey with concern.

“Why did I call you?” asks Lem, annoyed.

“You just said it was because you’re in love with me.” suggests Lacey.

Almost rendered speechless Lem finally says, “I’m in love.”

“With who?” asks Lacey.

“With you!” he says.

“Oh, I see. Well, then why did you ask for sex?” asks Lacey.

“I think you have me confused with someone else.” he says.

“Who?” asks Lacey.

“Oh! Oh! I see…” he says nastily.

“Why are you attacking me?!” Lacey asks, devastated again.

“I’m attacking you?” Lem asks.

“Lem! You’re treating me like a cheap prostitute!“ says Lacey.

“Oh, really?!?” asks Lem angry.

“Why are you attacking me?!” asks Lacey.

“I’m horny!” Lem says, losing himself.

“And I’m your rag doll!?!” asks Lacey.

“No! I’m just…in love with you!” says Lem.

“Why are you being so mean?!” asks Lacey, hurt.

“Can I come over?” asks Lem.

“To rape me, make love to me, paint pictures, sing songs, do origami…roast a chicken…paint our nails…bake cookies…or have dinner?” asks Lacey.

“Oh!” he says indignantly.

“Well?” she asks.

“Let’s paint!” he says mockingly.

“Are you planning to kill me or paint?” asks Lacey.

“Paint!” he says indignantly.

“Are you sure?!” she asks sincerely.

“Yes!” he says weirdly.

“Do you promise!?” asks Lacey.

“Yeah!” he says.

“Alright! Do you want me to make dinner?” asks Lacey.

“Yes!” he yells.

“What would you like?” asks Lacey.

He thinks. Smiles. “Roast duck!”

“Oh, I see. With potatoes or a green vegetable?” asks Lacey.

“Green vegetable.” says Lem.

“Alright! Well…it’s still warm outside so I’ll be making a lighter vegetable. If you’d like more sustenance perhaps I should also make potatoes?!” She thinks. “Yes! I’ll make potatoes and a jelly of course will have to be added, and for dessert I’ll make a…” Lacey feels horrible. “How about I buy dessert and we pretend I made it. I’m sorry! I don’t leave sweets around my house.”

“That’s fine!” he says patronizingly.

“Lem…are you okay?” Lacey asks.

“No!!” he says with fear.

“Say…how about you just come over and I’ll make sandwiches? And we can paint if you want.” says Lacey.

“Yeah.” says Lem happily.

“Lem…I’m not trying to hurt you. But I don’t think I can put out if that’s what you’re looking for. I’m not…a loose woman.” She thinks. “I’ve made love. And been hurt. But I’m an old maid, Lem. And it’s maybe a little taste of Hell.”

“I’m not an old maid!” says Lem.

“Lem, you’re not a woman!” says Lacey.

After a few moments of silence, “I think we need to leave.”

Lacey thinks. “Why?!”

“When I get there be packed and ready to go!” he says.

“No! No!! Wait!!!” she yells, in a hushed tone. “Don’t! These phones are tapped. Whatever you want to do is fine, possibly. But don’t terrorize me.”

“Okay.” he says.

“So…where shall I meet you?” asks Lacey.

“I’ll be there in an hour.” he says.

“No! Be here in twenty minutes!” Lacey demands.

“I’ll be there in thirty minutes.” he says.

“No! Twenty minutes or I’ll come to you.” says Lacey.

“I’ll be there in twenty minutes.” he says.

“No! I’ll come to you!” says Lacey. “Stand in your kitchen with a knife until I get there. Bye.”

And so Lem gets out his gun. Stands in his kitchen.

Lacey arrives on time and knocks.

He opens the door.

“Hi! Where are we going?” she asks.

He grabs her.

“Lem where are we going?” she asks panicking.

“France.” he says. “Or wherever your father would suggest.”

Coco Before Chanel, Film Score by Alexandre Desplat plays.

“Do you see why we killed him?” asks Louis.

“No!” says David.

“Why?” asks Lacey. “Don’t the Kennedys have a conscience?”

David scoffs.

“You really don’t get it?!” asks Lacey. “Michael!!” Lacey screams.

“I think the-I don’t…understand…why…you…don’t…get…my pain!” says David.

“Because you wondered why your uncle was shot. That’s what we’re talking about!” says Lacey.

“Fine!” he says.

“Listen…do you understand?” asks Louis.

“Yes!” he says sadly.

“Why?” asks Lacey.

“Because he was a slut!” David jokes.

Lacey laughs. “Too many lovers to keep track of.” she jokes back. “Yeah! He…was a jerk.”

David looks sad.

“At least…that’s the impression I have.” says Lacey.

“Yeah. He just upset a lot of people. It seems.” says David.

“Not like Jesus though. More like…Jaws.” says Lacey.

David looks at her like she’s made a stupid joke.

“Sorry! But Jaws was…a violent slut.” says Lacey.

“In a way!” says David.

“Yeah! He didn’t need to eat all those people.” says Lacey. “He was gluttonous.”

“But Jack was worse than gluttonous!” says David.

“He was! He was…a worse sort of evil.” says Lacey.

A moment passes.

“I’m sorry! I’m sure that’s awful.” says Lacey.


Jack walked into the Oval Office of the White House and sat down on the elegant silk upholstered sofa. He stared at the ground. Everyone was asleep or away.

The room felt big, imposing and uninviting. These men in the pictures weren’t from Boston or Cape Cod. They were…frightening, actually. They were odd looking to him even.

When was that? Early September of 1963?

“I wonder if I might die?” Jack Kennedy said to himself in his own head.

Road To Perdition, Film Score by Thomas Newman plays.

What did he think? I wasn’t him.

The room felt all wrong. The lighting was off. Lem and Jackie weren’t safe. …The room felt weird. Was that it? The room felt…creepy.

And so he worried. But…he was there. Wasn’t he. Yes. So….time for the show!

…Later…he would reassure himself before being shot. He would tell himself the same possible lies before being shot.

To Lem the room felt ominous but familiar and normal. To Jackie it was a historic enterprise. To Lacey the room feels…like it’s about to explode.

II. – – by Philip Glass plays.

“It’s creepy! So creepy.” says Lacey. She races around the room looking for the bomb. “Where is it?!?” she asks Jack.

“Go away you freak!” he says to her in his head.

“You’re rejecting Christ!” she says in a panic.

She literally tries to leave the room but can’t.

“They’re going to kill Lem!” she thinks to herself.

“Who are you?” she asks a dark haired man.

“Lee Harvey Oswald.” he says.

“Why are you going to kill me?!” she asks him.

He looks confused. “What?!??” he asks her laughing.

“You’re going to kill me!” she says.

“You’re INSANE!!” he says to her.

“But you’re killing me!” she says to him.

He thinks. “No…I’m killing Jack.”

“Who’s Jack?!” she pleads.

Who the fuck are you?!?” Lee Harvey Oswald and Lacey.

“You’re a bit cruel! I have no idea! I’m Lacey. But if I was reincarnated as part of Christianity I have no idea.” says Lacey.

“I’m sorry. You’re right.” says Lee Harvey Oswald.

“Who’s he?” Lacey asks Lee.

“That’s the President of the United States of America. John Fitzgerald Kennedy.” says Lee. “He’s going to get shot.”

“Oh! By you!” says Lacey.

“Yeah!” he says crying.

“We hired him.” says a man.

Einaudi: Life plays.

“Why am I here, may I ask? I appreciate the opportunity to see history so vividly but why am I here?!” says Lacey.

“That’s John F. Kennedy!” he says.

Lacey looks at him and squints. “Oh! Why? Why does he hate me?” asks Lacey.

“You think he hates you?!?” asks Lee Harvey Oswald in a panic.

“Yes!” says Lacey.

“I’m sorry! Why?” asks Lee.

“It’s just he seems so cold and hateful.” says Lacey.

She gets in his face and looks at it.

“He’s stealing Lem’s mind.” says Lacey.

Lee Harvey Oswald freaks out.

“Jack! Jack!” Lacey says to him snapping her fingers in his face.

He blinks. Smiles.

“Jack! You’re not Lem!” says Lacey.

“Is he my son?!” she asks cradling JFK’s head next to her womb.

“No!” says Lee Harvey Oswald.

“He’s not heavy he’s my brother!” says a male ghost running by the scene. A scene of orphans joke as they laugh.

“Huh! So he’s not my son!” says Lacey. “Then who is he?!?!?”

“He’s Jack!” says Lee Harvey Oswald.

“Who’s Jack?!?” asks Lacey.

“He’s Jack Kennedy. The President.” says Lee.

“I don’t like Presidents! Disgusting!” says Lacey.

“That’s not nice!” says Lee.

“Ha! You’re a hypocrite! You’re murdering him. You cheat! You liar. …Say…you’re handsome. Not my sort of man. But you do have a nice dark quality. Sort of like…a Spaniard. I’m sure you have a lovely wife. …My husband is gone. I’m all alone. No one loves me. But God still does. Who even is my husband. Do I have one? Is he cheating? I’m sure I’m hideous. Aren’t I?!? Poor man. Having to love me.” she says sincerely.

“No! That’s not true, sweetie!” says Lee Harvey Oswald to Lacey.

“Then I’m him?!?” asks Lacey. “Because he’s trying to give me oral sex.”

“He’s raping you?!?” asks Lee Harvey Oswald.

“Yes!!” says Lacey.

“Hold on! I’ll go shoot him!” says Lee Harvey Oswald running off toward his mission.

Lacey bounces on Jack’s head with her feet like he’s a pogo stick. Actually she starts beating in his skull.

Jack smiles and then it’s showtime. It’s time for Jack to be shot.

Lacey sits in Jack’s body? Or does she? Either way she gets a front row seat to his death.

They pass under a bridge. Then Jack gets shot, falls over. Lacey is unimpressed.

Jack is escorted away by angels.

High Enough by K.Flay plays.

What freaks Lacey out is how the Americans don’t get scared. Why? Why are they acting like actors?

One woman in particular looks like she’s waiting for a cue from someone. She is? She’s just standing there?

“So you hired actors to make the murder scene look real but also to control the scene?” asks Lacey.

“Yes!” yells Louis. “They would have!” he says.

“Well…this is in the past.” says Lacey.

“No more.” says Lem to Lacey.