Sex On The Beach

Joe Kennedy Jr. stands on the beach in confusion.

Richter: Aria 1 (Pt. 1) by Max Richter plays.

Why is Joseph Patrick Kennedy confused? Because he’s madly in love with a terrible woman with a beautiful soul.

Imagine Rachel Ward playing this role brilliantly. The water beats up and back into the ocean and and there she stands alone, yet not alone, the sun glistening on her shoulders on her hair on her glory. And there’s Joe wondering, is he man enough? Is he good enough? Is he enough…to make love to this woman on the beach?

He dares…he dares to move forward on the beach, and suddenly she looks at him. They make eye-contact for just…a…split second. And suddenly she thinks to herself, “Am I too busy for such a trifling conversation on the beach with this…Irish…man?”

But no, she looks into his gorgeous blue eyes and thinks to herself, “I must! I must let myself…fall into his arms!”

And so that is where they make love. For he is enough, and they are in love…and it is glorious.

And the glory of God literally is on display on that beach.

Midnight City by M83 plays.

On that beach? Yes.

Oh dear.

Which beach? Is it a private beach? Because if it’s not…that’s…

“Honestly, it’s disgusting.” says Michael.

“Are we allowed to say that?! Because they’re both such good looking people and honestly they do seem like they’re really genuinely in love and it’s none of our business!” says Lacey to Michael.

“But it’s a public beach!” says Michael.

“Oh well. Eww! This is so much more than I’d want to see of any two humans. It’s their business, why are they being so inconsiderate?!?” says Lacey to Michael.

DARE by Gorillaz plays.

“I’m i’m going to go intervene!” says Michael Rockefeller.

Michael walks down to the happy couple and prods them with a walking stick.

“Excuse me, but you are on a public beach!” says Michael.

They take a moment and then look up at Michael in disgust. Belligerent. Imposing. Crass. Gross. And yet…they do seem to be genuinely in love.

Joe Kennedy Jr. lunges at Michael for daring to interrupt him. They get into quite the fight. And at that Lacey pulls her revolver out of her beach handbag and then shoots Joe in the arm and then the leg. It was possibly unnecessary, but she was losing patience with the fallen world. Lacey then threatens to shoot the woman but Michael has the woman restrained with ripped cotton cords from Joe’s white, billowing shirt.

“Are you a nurse?” asks Lacey of the woman.

The woman thinks. Suddenly she recalls that she is. Possibly genuinely…a nurse.

“Hey! Clean out his wounds and bandage them up with this cloth for now.” says Lacey. “I need to either chose to let you die or jump the shark and-Oh! Never mind! There’s a helicopter! Perfect!” says Lacey.

Suddenly a crew of nurses and doctors grab the couple and abscond with them off to a hospital. Mental health professionals will also be there waiting.

“Joe…why…did you let him be such a danger to himself?” asks Lacey about Joe Jr..

“I called in the helicopter with my secret device.” says Lem. “On my wristwatch.”

“Like James Bond. Bond. James Bond. James. Bond. James…Bond. James Bond!” says Lacey mockingly. “Bring in the dancing girls to move us to the commercial break, you whores!”

Then Lacey darts off toward the water.

“Lacey, are you off to commit suicide?” asks Michael.

She pauses. Thinks.

“I can’t. But yes…I’d love to!” says Lacey to Michael in this scene.

“That was my line! Not your line, Lem! Now she’s feeling murdered in her soul by you yet again. So she’s following your orders to self destruct so you can shake your…fine ass…and fuck someone else!” says Michael. “Probably Jack.”

“Yeah! Let’s get on my cock! It’s hard as ice!” says JFK emerging from the shadows confidently with a HUGE grin.

“My cock is hard too!” says Joe Sr..

“I’m wet!” says Kick.

“Why?!” asks Lacey of Jack, Joe, and Kick.

Harvest Moon – Satin Jackets Remix by Poolside plays.

“I just got thinking about it…” says Kick.

Joe Sr. looks down in shame at his own sexuality. He’s not good at controlling it.

JFK looks at Lem and then races after him like a buffoon. Lem is confused and indignant. But open mouthed Jack races genuinely like a buffoon toward Lem. Jack’s hair looks to be indicating a possible lightening strike soon to arrive. He looks hideous. His polo shirt both clings and blows into the wind. But Jack totally lacks self-awareness and so he doesn’t understand he’s supposed to look nice. Jack assumes his dad Joe will cover for his sloppiness with his massive fortune, as per usual. Or he’s genuinely just that narcissistic and that stupid both.

Sand flies into air ungracefully.

Who Am I by Snoop Dogg plays.

Cue slow motion.

Lem looks baffled as he too opens his mouth with an idiotic look on his face. He very awkwardly lifts his arms up to cover his own chest. Then he swivels around and intensely cringes just as JFK reaches out for him with his arms flailing forward. JFK falls forward and rips off Lem’s polo shirt as he falls to the ground. He couldn’t quite grab Lem’s body?

“Why can’t Jack grab the body?” asks Lacey sincerely. “I’m confused.”

“Because the body is too hard.” says an Englishman.

“Really?!?!?” asks Lacey in amazement and disbelief.

“Yes! There’s nothing to grab.” says the Englishman.

“Then why didn’t he tackle him?” asks Lacey.

“He’s too big! Lem’s too big to tackle.” says the Englishman.

“Oh! Is Jack really that small?!? I would think with the force of his running he’d be able to knock Lem over.” says Lacey.

“But Lem braced himself!” says an Englishman.

“Actually, it looks more like Jack just came up too short.” says Lacey.

“That may have been on purpose. If Jack came up closer he’d not be able to knock Lem over. So his best bet was to try to reach out desperately for him. But all he had…turns out…was Lem’s shirt because he was heading towards Lem’s chest thinking Lem would reach out and catch him somehow or bend over towards him and let him grab his shoulders or something. But since Lem swiveled all Jack had was his shirt.” says the Englishman.

And so there Jack lays, face first in the sand holding shreds of Lem’s torn shirt.

Lem backs away stupidly looking confused and possibly dismayed. He’s an extremely handsome man with no shirt. But he wasn’t dressed for the occasion. It looks awkward.

Lem backs up and walks away backwards in shock. He looks baffled.

Once Twice Melody by Beach House plays as Jack completely covered in tan sand that’s stuck to his sweaty front gets up and stands staring in awe at Lem who’s shirtless.

Unimpressed possibly with God Himself Jack trudges forward to Lem. This time he practically marches.

Lem, still baffled but growing enraged and beat red, readies himself. Jack walks toward him and at that Lem reaches his arm around Jack’s neck and looks to be trying to pop off Jack’s head. Jack gags and looks to be uncomfortable. The sand falls off of Jack.

And at that Lem breaks Jack’s neck against his chest. Jack, now dead (dead while being dead) momentarily (as he’s already dead), falls to the ground.

And at that Lem backs away and then slowly circles around to stand with his family and the Rockefellers.

“Are you done Lem?!” asks Michael, seething.

Lights Are On by Tom Rosenthal plays.

Jack brushes himself off. Looks up and wonders why Lacey may have just killed him.

“When Lacey ceases to exist I’ll get Lem to finally make love to me.” says Jack to God like he’s (he Jack) an enormous victim.

“It’s THE ENGLISH!! WE MUST OUTSMART THEM!!” yells Kick seriously. She’s pretending it’s football.

Je te lasserai des mots by Patrick Watson plays as Jack walks away in sadness. He walks sadly in the sand.

“Why can’t you just make Lacey cease to exist?! She’s like Satan! You’re such a dumb God! Come on man! Get with it!!” yells JFK sincerely at God. “If I could just be Lacey or steal her body or life or love or something I’d be able to finally get Lemmers to open up to me fully and see how UNBELIEVABLY IN LOVE WE ARE! He’s SOOO IN LOVE WITH ME!” says JFK to God.

Meanwhile Lem looks miffed and irritated as he stands behind Lacey with the Rockefellers and his own family.

Then Jack turns around and walks back to the crowd to retrieve Lem. He gets in Lacey’s face and at that Lem mindlessly reaches forward and grabs Lacey away. She stumbles backward and Jack tries to cut her to shreds with fingers he’s turned into razors. Lem picks Lacey up and holds her.

And at that Jack flails his razor blade fingers at Lacey. Jack is unable to reach Lacey but Lacey is enraged.

“Let me down!” she says to Lem as she elbows him in his gut.

And at that she races forward to Jack as Lem watches stupidly.

She makes a beeline for Jack’s neck as she digs her teeth into his neck. He flails around with razor hands unable to figure out how to use them. Seeing that Jack is about to reach around and raise his fingers to her body Lem suddenly realizes that he needs to do something but he’s too slow. Michael grabs Jack’s hand and pierces Jack’s fingers through Jack’s face.

Jack giggles in response at first. But then Michael shreds Jack’s face with his own razor fingers like he’s killing a chicken on a farm. Obviously Lacey stands back and watches.

“Jack! What happened to your face?” asks Lem stupidly.

“It’s all cut up!” says JFK smiling like it’s no worry.

“This! This is how Lem takes care of my son!!!” says Joe Kennedy Sr. with Irish glee.

“Dad! He’s not taking care of me!” says JFK in a whiny voice.

“No, I’m your father, Jack!” says Joe Sr..

“I don’t want you to make love to me! I want you to be my daddy! This is preposterous! He’s MADLY IN LOVE WITH ME!” says Jack to his father.

Kick tilts her head in confusion. She wants to look innocent because the English look livid.

Meanwhile Lem has been dancing. Dancing like a black little boy being molested in the 1960’s.

Lacey wonders what happened to his brain.

“I gave him drugs!” says JFK. “I wanted to get my cock up his ass! And he’s always resistant! He calls it man-rape! …Sounds sexy to me!!!” And at that Jack dances backward shaking his ass in Lem’s direction like he’s on Spring Break in 2006.

Hustlin’ by Rick Ross plays as Jack tries to dance sexy with Lem.

Inebriated Lem uses his whole body to knock Jack to the ground. Jack isn’t easy to knock over. Finally Lem has to resort to sitting on Jack with Jack’s face planted into the ground. Then he jumps on Jacks head, exploding it into bloody pieces. Then Lem throws Jack’s body into the ocean separate from his head.

Get In My Car 50 Cent plays as Joe Kennedy Sr. punches Lem in the chest. Then Lem bends slightly. Joe jumps up and tries to grab Lem’s head.

“Lem…you need to have sex with my son! By the power of Jesus Christ you need to fuck my son!” says Joe Sr. with as much parental authority he can give. Lem picks up Joe and throws Joe into the ocean. Then Jack walks up out of the water headless with an erection.

Lem is shocked.

Lacey is bored now.

If I Can Dream (with The Royal Philharmonic Orchestra) by Elvis plays.

Jack walks up to Lem as Lem backs away. This time Lem takes Michael’s suggestion and just takes a razor finger and stabs Jack in his heart. Then when Jack refuses to die from that as he tries to steal Lacey’s family’s life to survive in the afterlife Lem knocks Jack over and uses a knife at Michael’s suggestion to cut Jack into small pieces.

Jack crawls away with shreds of himself without a head. Suddenly his head, separated from his body starts talking.

The song ends.

“Lem! Hi! We’re gay lovers! Let’s be friends first like before and then best friends and then let’s be lovers again and then after that we’ll be lovers forever and ever and ever and ever and ever and I’m going to love you and squeeze you for ever and ever and ever and squeeze you and kiss you and hug you and love you and make you happy!” says Jack with a huge grin like a buffoon. “I’ll love you and love and love you and love and love and love you and love you and love and and make love and love you and make love and love you. And we’ll make love and love and love and we’ll love you. And we make love. And I’m gonna make love love love and love you. And we’ll love and make love! And we’ll love. And you’ll love and I’ll love. And I’ll love you. And you’ll love me. You’ll love me so much. And I’ll love you. And they’ll love us. And we love each other…I guess? Eww! That’s so gross and gay… Eww!! And…we love one another. And you butt sex me all night! And I butt sex you!! And we love sex! And sex!! Sex loves us!! That’s what my dad says. Because I can’t get you pregnant. And pregnancy can kill! And I can’t be a woman. And you hate women and so do I! Eww! Pussy is gross! And I like poop! And sex! And I love sex!! And poop! And you! Sexy me Lem! Make me sexy!!!!! Make me sexy!!! I need help! Am I ugly!!!?? I’m ugly!?! Oh no!! I’m not! See…and that’s why he’s a dummy! I’m a handsome man. I am!” suddenly Jack feels lost without his body. But he can’t get his head on his body.

Jack can’t stop talking though.

“I’m in love with Lem. He’s my lover!! He’s my lover. He’s my lover! I’m on the rag!” says JFK.

Lem looks over at Jacks bloody body.

“Fuck me! Fuck me, Lem! Look at my hot body and fuck it!” says Jack seriously. “You always did my beauty routine. You would make me look pretty! I’m sure I look hot as hell right now! Just go ahead and fuck it!” says JFK.

Old Money by Lana Del Rey plays.

“Lem! Let’s take ‘em back!! It’s a sexy beach! And we fucked on all the beaches of Cape Cod. Ten times a day. THOUSANDS of times a day.” says JFK seriously. “AZIMUTH times a day.”

“No, we didn’t. We never fucked!” says Lem seriously to Jack.

“YOU LIAR!!!!” says JFK. “It was more than a azimuth times!!”

Billie Holiday by Warpaint plays.

“Jack, let’s help you.” says Michael.

And at that Michael shoves a huge piece of poop from a dinosaur in Jack’s mouth. It’s a dark, hard piece of poop.

“Huh! What time period is that poop from?!” asks Lacey.

“The early 21st Century would call it the Ordovician Period.” says an English paleontologist.

“Did that dinosaur eat a lot of iron?!” asks Lacey.

“Why would you think that?” asks the English paleontologist.

“Because iron makes poop dark.” says Lacey.

They all think.

“Yes! But…it could be…other things.” thinks the paleontologist.

“No…it’s not likely. What would it be?!” asks Lacey.

“Bone marrow?” he says, dumbfounded.

“But that’s iron then. Isn’t it?!” asks Lacey.

“No!! It’s not!! It’s trees!” says the paleontologist.

“But isn’t that iron?!?” asks Lacey.

“Shoot!! That’s…trees.” says the paleontologist.

“It’s not food coloring.” says Lacey.

“Yes!! Think of art!” says the paleontologist.

“That dinosaur couldn’t have eaten that much natural coloring! How?!?” asks Lacey.

“Oh really?!?!” asks the paleontologist.

Kick tries to reassemble Jack’s body as a witch in the Illuminati conjures her.

Feel The Fire by pluko & pronouncedyea plays.

“How?!?” Lacey asks the paleontologist.

“It’s just the trees are made of plastic!” says the paleontologist.

“How?!” asks Lacey.

“No! They’re made of plastic!” says the paleontologist.

“How?!?” asks Lacey.

“I don’t know!! You explain it to me!” says the paleontologist indignantly.

Kick races up from drowning in the ocean with Jack’s foot.

“I found it in the ocean!” says Kick cheerfully.

Then she continues her search for the rest of her brother’s body.

“I’ve got you Jack! Hang on!” says Kick.

Die Zauberflote (The Magic Flute), K. 620, Act II: March Of The Priests by Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart plays.

“How?” asks Lacey of the paleontologist. “I’ll tell you how!” Lacey thinks. “The dinosaurs were geniuses. And through the centuries they developed a way to manufacture totally authentic plastic trees. And the reason why is because they huge fans of plastic. They ate it! They were huge fans of eating plastic. So they ate plastic trees and they were very good at it because they were wildly different creatures than we are. And the Earth was wildly different. And so…they could eat plastic.” says Lacey. “They could digest plastic!” says Lacey. “But…this isn’t what I believe. I think it’s more likely dinosaurs ate leaves like our leaves.” says Lacey to the paleontologist.

“And in saying, ‘Our leaves you don’t mean…plastic leaves from the 20th Century?!” asks Lem of Lacey.

“No! That’s hurtful!” Lacey says to Lem.

“Let’s go!” Lem says to Lacey.

“Yes! Let’s go!” says Michael.

And so the remaining humans not Kennedy or Kennedy-siding leave. They leave with some sadness.

More later.

“Lem are you sure you’re not just in love with some weird combination of both Jack and I? Because he shouts over me all the time he shouts over my spirit often and I just wonder if you’re in love with some combination of both of us.” says Lacey. “Do you know? Like some combination of both Lem and I-I mean no both Jack and I. Like a combination of Jack and me. Jack and I combined.”

“No!” I am not in love with Jack with Jack. I’m not in love with Jack. I am not in love with Jack.” says Lem. “I am not in love with Jack with Jack. I’m not in love with Jack. I am not in love with Jack.”

“Then, why are you talking to her like she’s a fucking piece of fucking shit?” asks Michael.

“I don’t have an in ability to understand.” says Lem. “Not because I’m dead.” He sighs. “Because I can’t comprehend how she’s not Jack. Let’s put it that way.” He thinks. “I get it but I don’t.”

“Do you have any idea how hurtful that is to Lacey? Do you have any idea how much you devastated her?“ asks Happy Rockefeller.

“No!” says Lem.

“Let me back up for those of you who believe in reincarnation. Lacey is not Jack reincarnated into Lacey. She’s never been a man in any capacity. Unless you count becoming one with a man during sex. She’s not a man she’s never been a man.” says Happy Rockefeller. “And she is not a man. Lacey is not a man she is not Jack. Jack was a man. Lacey is not Jack.”

“That’s good. I don’t want her to be Jack. I don’t want her to be a man.“ says Lem.

“Then, how is it not a rejection of me in a profound evil way to think that I’m jack?” asks Lacey of Lem.

“I spent a lot of time with Jack. I thought I was married to him, but not…because I was gay. I thought that being gay was having great sex, and I thought having great sex was being raped brutally and hating yourself. I took myself way too seriously and that way. Or actually no I didn’t take myself seriously enough. I was not brutally raped as some people are or killed that way, but it was actually extraordinarily painful often whenever he tried to do anything to me. And I do anything to me I mean make me do things to him because I never let him touch me and that way. Why are you may ask? I saying all this because I am being harassed as I’m telling you all this. As you Lacey know, and other dead people know as well.” He thinks. “What I intended to talk about with something related to the conversation I’m actually having not a way for Bobby Kennedy Junior to feel like Lem was gay again.” He thinks. “As I was saying, I can’t get Jack out of my head. He’s stuck in my head. He is permeating my every interaction with everyone not just you, Lacey. I know it’s hard for you to believe that someone can get that into your brain and control you that much especially entirely against your will. Oh, but he did from day one. I was never attracted to him for all you know he stalked me, framed me in my own mind to make me think that I was in love with him. It was close to it. It was close to exactly what I just said. I was manipulated. And then it was framed such that it seemed that I was the instigator and perpetrator. He made it look, as if I was a silly boy who thought he was gay and was, and he was the clean-cut all American straight boy, who was magically seduced. There really is no magical seduction in the exact way as it’s been told. So that should be your first hint that there’s something wrong with the storyline. As much as it seems to devastate the homosexual community at large, you can’t turn a truly heterosexual person homosexual. You can’t do it. And those of you who believe that you can are insane. Maybe there are a lot of bisexuals. Maybe there’s a lot of misogyny and maybe there’s a lot of hate. Maybe there is no such thing as queerdom. … I was straight and the Kennedys can’t handle it. They can’t fathom it. They cannot comprehend how straight clean cut all American Jack was a conniving vicious asshole. They cannot fathom how their precious little, spoiled, fucking retarded brat was a disgusting, manipulative piece-of-shit cock-sucking, sexually violent, disrespectful, brainless, fool. He didn’t magically become gay when I laid eyes on him, get a clue you morons. I would’ve either been his gay sexual awakening, or he came at me from behind and terrified me in some way or confused me. He jumped me so to speak, and I don’t mean that as a sexual euphemism. He attacked me psychologically because I was at my lowest. I’d been molested. I’d been molested. I’d been sexually molested. I was a hot straight man who was vulnerable. OK? Does that make sense or no you still can’t believe it? Ask yourselves why. Why is it so hard to find evidence? Maybe I was straight right maybe I was straight and I was faking being gay. Maybe I was straight, and I was faking being gay and I was molested and I was confused. I have suggested that so many times to you people. There’s no real evidence I was interested in any way sexually or romantically in any real way in men ever. I repeat, despite what you have believed through the magic of hearsay being turned into fact through popular opinion I was not attracted to men in any way, shape or form. …I don’t know how to make myself clearer. …You are delusional if you take any part of what I just said, and make it to mean that I was homosexual or bisexual pansexual.”

“Lacey, are you convinced that he’s telling the absolute 100% God’s honest truth?” asks Michael.

“No, I am not. Perhaps I’m delusional but I’m not.“ says Lacey.

“And then the Kennedys will take that and use it to try to blackmail the entirety of civilization and molest kids.” says Michael. “Because to Jack an ounce of Lacey doubting that Lem is straight is unequivocal proof that Lem was gay.” Michael thinks. “To poor Lacey Lem’s delusion is fact. And Lem’s delusion being that Jack was lovable in Lem’s eyes at all. He must have made a profound number of excuses for Jack daily. Constantly. And in that way, Lem wasn’t just physically raped he was psychologically destroyed. …Because now he can no longer make excuses for innocent people who don’t need excuses. He sees Jack’s hideous, vile soul plastered on the face of every innocent person who makes a mistake. He sees evil where there may be no evil. Were you in love with Jack’s evil Lem or what?”

“I was never in love with Jack. I was never in love with his evil.” says Lem. “No. I had no way out. The only thing I could do was keep hoping that it would make sense. He kept insisting that it would eventually. In his own way he always insisted that I was right and that I was his better half. But he needed to be silly and giddy, and have fun, and I was just meant to clean up all of the mess. And I didn’t mind that I was left behind. I enjoyed it because I hated him I acted like I didn’t, but I actually hated him. …And what Lacey is hurt by that I am now treating her like she is stupid fucking Jack Kennedy with his 50 billion bitches and hoe-men who all think that he’s magically the only one who he’s in love with. Is she right? Or is she wrong? Am I letting her think that because I’ve been brutally interrupted at this point?” He thinks. “She might be right she might be wrong. If she is right I don’t know how to cope with the fact that she’s in love with Michael Rockefeller.” He thinks. “It’s not because she should be with anyone but me it’s because I can’t fathom how it’s possible.”

“How does it not just make sense? Why wouldn’t I be in love with him at this point after everything you did wrong?” asks Lacey.

“You’re that simple?” asks Lem.

“I might possibly be just that obedient of God.” says Lacey.

“If you’re that simple I hope must feel like I’m rejecting you.” says Lem.

“You know it’s possible because essentially in that case I’m not as exciting as Jack.” says Lacey.

“Why did you reject me?“ asks Lem of Lacey.

“I had to think about it I suppose, analyze it?” says Lacey. “To be really blunt? You seemed rather floppy compared to Louis or Harold or even Michael.”

“Floppy?!!” asks Lem.

“Yes, sort of soft and ambiguous and disinterested and unopinionated and disdainful of humanity.” says Lacey.

“Far from being the strongest man on the rowing team, right?” asks Lem of Lacey.

“I just can’t imagine you being the strongest man on the rowing team.” says Lacey.

“But I was!” says Lem.

“Well, then you’re clearly not interested in me I’m not good enough.” says Lacey. “ and that’s fine but then why can’t you let me move on to someone who’s more in my league.” She thinks. “Right? Isn’t that how it works? That I’m far beneath you and I should go find some pipsqueak with glasses and no no big muscles because that’s what’s my lot in life. I am just too small and unimpressive. With tiny boobs and an ugly face.”

“Lacey, your face isn’t ugly.” says Michael.

“I think you’re lying.” says Lacey.

“No, I’m not.” says Michael.

“Then I’m a very beautiful woman, possibly.” says Lacey. “But from my experience, men like that, generally don’t tend to go for me.”

“If I was taller or Jewish, would I go for you??” asks Michael.

“Not in my experience. No, you think I was a worthless piece of shit under your shoe and you’d wonder why I existed. You’d wanna kill me the second that you knew that I breathed.” says Lacey.

“Really?!” asks Michael.

“Do you want me to relive every painful time I’ve been rejected in my life or can you just take my word for it?” asks Lacey.

“That can’t possibly be true!” says Lem.

“It is true why are you putting me through this?“ says Lacey.

“I just mean it can’t be right!” says Lem.

“Lem you’ve seen the pain that I have experienced. I’ve asked God to show it to you why are you so baffled?“ asks Lacey.

The English paleontologist laughs.

“In my generation you wouldn’t have been rejected by those guys. They would’ve expected you to put out but they would’ve rejected you.” says Michael.

“What about you’re Generation Lem?” asks Lacey.

“In my generation you would’ve been considered beautiful.” says Lem.

“But that’s an insult. Isn’t it? It’s being beautiful it’s like being someone’s mother it’s ugly.“ says Lacey.

“I would’ve thought you were hot and not because you looked old-fashioned because I have good taste.” says Michael.

“Oh, and Lem might be crying…no he’s not? Alright then, moving forward: I am just a beautiful woman I don’t understand why it should be so different over periods of time that’s absolute idiocy.“ says Lacey.

“See in my mind Lem probably wants top grade meat right? Because he’s looking for the best!” says Lacey.

“You think I want meat?” asks Lem.

“Yes! Isn’t that the Kennedy Way? Isn’t that who you are?“ asks Lacey. “ Don’t you want Top tits and ass because when I look at men like you that’s what I assume. I assume that they want Top tits and ass.”

“No, I don’t want Top tits and ass!” says Lem.

“What’s wrong with wanting the best? You are clearly a superior male specimen?” asks Lacey.

“You’re…you’re you’re you’re my type.” says Lem.

“Well! That sounds like some sort of charity gig for me to play that isn’t it?“ says Lacey.

“So you don’t think you’re pretty?” asks Lem.

“We’ve been through this before. It’s not that simple.“ says Lacey.

“When I say you’re my type, I mean that you are top tits and ass.” says Lem.

“But my boobs aren’t that big and did that become a thing in the 40s?” asks Lacey.

“You’re right, I may have modulated my opinion or something or you think that I just would’ve seen it coming as a…top fellow, so to speak.” says Lem.

“Yea! Because that’s what I’ve been told Lem! That’s what I’ve been told! Don’t you speak English?” says Lacey.

“OK so yeah you thinking that you’re at top tits and ass doesn’t mean anything to you at all?” asks Lem.

“Is it supposed to mean something?“ asks Lacey. “Let’s see…what would it mean? Should I apologize to you? I don’t understand.”

“I don’t think you understand.” says Lem.

“What don’t I understand?” asks Lacey.

“I’m not interested in Top women. I am interested in what I’m interested in…and I have very particular tastes in women.” says Lem.

“You’re not answering my questions at all and it’s always incredibly, unbelievably hurtful. Well that’s not really true. Sometimes you answer them somewhat, but it always seems so vague..and floppy. What do you want from me?!? I’m not a man.“ say Lacey.

“You’re supposed to be complimented by me, saying that your top tits and ass but you’re not right? Right?!” wonders Lem.

“I’m not complimented…I’m not, but I’m not not complimented. It’s just it’s incredibly bizarre to me to think of myself that way I don’t like analyzing women, even myself, and then in sexual crass way! Eww!” says Lacey.

“What does that seem like to you then?” asks Lem.

“Ahh…some sort of…category.” says Lacey.

“I don’t think Lacey is in a category. I think she’s extraordinarily beautiful and I think that you need to think about the fact that she’s not Jack…and then explain to her how she’s a piece of shit more nicely like you always did for Jack.“ says Michael to Lem.

“I don’t understand how you don’t understand that you’re supposed to suddenly spread your legs jump for joy, and bursting into millions of pieces of glitter in the air of happiness and glee, and joy and turn into a normal girl when you’re told that you’re beautiful in a scientific way.” says Lem to Lacey.

“What’s a normal girl in that scenario?“ asks Lacey.

“A normal girl is a bubble-headed, egotistical fucking idiot born into the American middle class in the 20th century.” says Lem.

“That doesn’t leave a lot of hope for them then. I can’t figure out where to go with that to help them they seem…worthless.” says Lacey.

“We’ll how does it make you feel?“ says Lem.

“It doesn’t make me feel anything it’s just like a fact it’s just a factoid it it’s just a category. It’s meaningless nonsense.“ says Lacey.

“Because if you are that beautiful, it didn’t make any difference.” says Lem.

“No it didn’t. It’s a category. It’s it’s true it’s not that it’s it’s not that it’s untrue. It’s just that in my my life in my case it didn’t make any difference.“ says Lacey.

“You’re right it didn’t.” says Lem.

“So then I don’t know where to take it from there because it it it didn’t make any difference.” says Lacey.

“The only difference it made was in your accuracy in understanding the category that you’re in. What a terrible life. Because you’re right, the only way to really understand yourself in that way and receive love from that compliment and not just see it as a category which is all that it really is is to be loved. And people are so vile because they’re jealous and they let that rule whether or not they give a fuck about you and they never do because they know you’re not loved or they like to assume that you are and then they just take the worst option possible. And I don’t understand how to explain to you how sorry I am that I’ve not just listened to what you’re saying this entire conversation.” says Lem. “And that’s the best I can do for now because it’s very hard to hear me. People don’t respect the fact that you save old money because they don’t love you or give a shit about you not because they think you’re wrong. They could think it through and realize that that doesn’t even matter but they get such an ego trip out of the fact that you’ve been totally rejected by humanity and then they forget that it isn’t on a class level and that you’re far above them, because in their dim middle class minds, they think being rejected means that you’re poor. It really isn’t the same. There are different kinds of wealth, and sometimes very very wealthy old money people can be incredibly poor when it comes to love that they’ve been shown not what’s within their heart. No they’re willing to rip apart all of civilization just to get a joy ride out of making you feel stupid because they’re staring at you laughing for really no reason at all. No no, they enjoy taking a shit on your face when they see that you’ve been unloved. And what motivates that vile criminal act that most people if not all people have committed towards you who you’ve ever met other than your immediate family is evil. And in that evil is jealousy, greed, vanity, and gross heinous stupidity.”

“I can hear them right now getting high off their egotistical supply. And I’m sure that Jack is jacking off thinking I’m a pretty boy. I’m so fucking pretty.” says Lacey.

“Oh, no, they want your tragedy to be their tragedy because they can’t handle the fact that it’s their evil that they’re perpetrating on you Lacey, the genuinely superior one. You’re supposed to be evil according to the American story, ‘And the American story is the absolute truth guys!’ But none of that makes any difference, because at the end of the day I hurt you I was just floppy.” says Lem.

“Yes, that was why I rejected you I think because I thought you were floppy. You asked why I rejected you and I told you.” says Lacey.

“Because you had other options.” says Lem.

“Yes I did and I was in love with them and I still am. That’s the problem.” says Lacey.

“So you rejected me because I was floppy. What’s floppy to you, Lacey?” says Lem.

“I suppose it could have an element of the physical, but essentially it’s a matter of one’s moral courage and fortitude.” says Lacey.

“You think I like moral courage and fortitude?”says Lem.

“Yes, because you could have been something extraordinary and instead you chose to throw the entire 20th century to Hell. You thought it was fun to go to Florida and suck Jack’s cock instead of going rowing at Princeton. You had the chance to prove to the world that men exist and instead you chose to fart one stinky smelly fucking polyester fart. At least that’s what I surmise. I don’t know the depths of my heart. I don’t remember what even happened and yet I am expected to. I’m supposed to be what? God himself before you give me a fucking break? You made a fool of me, and then mocked me with your words in front of the entire world. I have been brutally attacked! I’ve been thrown down the stairs, and then you have the stupidity or the gall to expect me to define floppy you should know. Actually, I appreciate you asking me what floppy means and expecting me to have a fucking brain unlike that dipshit Jack Kennedy. Or is this where you start to defend Jack and then you go dip your fucking cock in his shit and if that’s who you are? If that’s all that you are then you’re not floppy and we’re through.”

“What’s floppy?” asks Lem.

“Your a cock I suppose because I’m not adulating the grand great fantastic amazing Jack Kennedy!” says Lacey.

“No!” says Lem.

“I have explained to you so many times what happened. I have no idea why you don’t get it.” says Lacey.

“I just don’t think you’d ever hurt me like that.” says Lem.

“I don’t know. I cannot remember what happened and I’ve tried to and I’m sorry but the best I can come up with is that you seemed floppy.” says Lacey.

“So the end of the day you’re that brutal.” says Lem to Lacey.

“Yes, because I don’t wanna go to Hell. I don’t wanna suffer unnecessarily because I love myself and I refuse to let myself be submissive to some man that doesn’t want me.” says Lacey.

“You saw me in your head in with with Jack in those pictures in the snow. And the only thing that made sense to you to do was to keep being kind to me. And then Louis came on to you or Harold came onto you or Elliot Roosevelt came onto you very strongly, and you couldn’t refuse.” He thinks. “But at the end of the day, it was my floppiness that got you, regardless of what happened.”

“Yes but that floppiness is tied in with Jack Kennedy isn’t it? I mean one minute your pants are too short the next minute they’re too long. Actually they’re never too long one minute they were too short and the next minute you look like you look like Yves Saint Laurent. And I would’ve wanted to fix your pants and tell you that they were too short or admire you for looking so handsome but I wasn’t there. And then you cut me with a knife with your words and throw me into Hell laughing in my face. And that knife was so sharp right? But you said to take your word for it and so I tried to maybe I even did maybe I’m lying maybe I just did. But I think then that’s where the floppiness came in.” says Lacey. “You just seemed so vile maybe.”

“OK. Did you think you’re hurting me? I mean I know you thought you were hurting me, but did you really think you were hurting me?” asks Lem.

“That’s what I don’t remember. I I could probably try to but for some reason I don’t remember. I’m sorry.” says Lacey.

“You don’t remember?” he asks.

“No I wouldn’t say that I didn’t remember if I remembered.” says Lacey.

“Did my feelings matter to you at all?” asks Lem.

“They do in so far as you’re a person, but I think I thought, a you’re a man. And b you never really told me that I was beautiful or that you loved me, so what were your feelings even it was unclear potentially. So then it goes back to a you are a man, and if I was mistaken, or if there was a misunderstanding, that would be up to you to fix because you’re the man.” says Lacey.

“But you care about my feelings in an enormous amount!” says Lem.

“Yeah I do! Yes, I do but that’s different that’s me loving you. That’s not me sorting through your desk or checking your pockets or having to worry about such bullshit.“ says Lacey. “ I don’t want another vile, Hellish situation. I want to be loved Lem. Is that offensive to you? I want to be loved. I want to be loved Lem. And if I messed that up and you just can’t forgive me then that’s on me isn’t it and I wish you just tell me so that I screwed up.” says Lacey. “Right? Because I have dignity and I’m not dumb enough to think that I don’t have a right to be loved by anyone ever. I’m not that stupid I’m not your little chew toy.”

“You’re so far removed from thinking that I give two shits about you.” says Lem.

“It’s unclear. But I’m sure it’s my fault, right right right? I mean it must be my fault. Maybe I lack a penis maybe I lack a brain maybe I lack Jack Kennedy‘s hair maybe I don’t look as good in a polo shirt. Maybe it’s my fault in some other way that I don’t yet understand and I wait patiently for you to reveal it to me because that’s what I have to do as a woman to wait patiently forever and ever and ever. Let’s just keep talking shall we and maybe someday you’ll tell me what I did wrong or how I’m wrong or what’s wrong what I’m missing? What’s going on huh? What’s going on? What’s going on?” says Lacey.

“Why did you not think about my feelings?” asks Lem.

“If you’re going to expect me to be so exact, why am I supposed to be so obliging of your vagaries?” says Lacey.

“Why didn’t you think of my feelings when you stop with other men?” says Lem.

“I did! Possibly every single time!” says Lacey.

“Then why didn’t you just call for me?“ says Lem.

“I did at least once, if not twice very clearly, I did.” says Lacey. “ Otherwise it’s probably unfortunately because I thought they were better than you and what it means…when I say better I mean genuinely better. I’m sorry I mean genuinely better people better men they love me mor…I suspect.” she thinks. “If it’s something shallow, please enlighten me I would like to not be so shallow. And if they’re not better men, I don’t wanna be with them I mean genuinely better. I don’t have time for men who are insecure and evil anymore. I just don’t have any more patience for it. And if that’s not the case, if I messed up somehow, I would like you to have the courage and love for me as a human to actually edify my soul with your harsh correction if that’s the best you can manage.”

“I just shouldn’t have let you sleep with anyone else.” says Lem.

“Why did you? Did you?“ asks Lacey.

“I possibly couldn’t muster up the courage to ask you to marry me.” says Lem.

“And that’s exactly why I slept with someone else because to me all that means is that you don’t give two flying shits about me at all.” says Lacey.

“Because I didn’t have the courage or I did and I just didn’t want to have to bother?” asks Lem.

“Very much the second all the first is the second I don’t think the first even exists. And if I’m wrong and mistaken, forgive me if I’m lying in some way forgive me, but as far as I can tell people, don’t lack courage they lack a heart. People don’t lack bravery they lack gumption and interest. They lack interest…are you catching onto my line of reasoning if you give a fuck at all, if anyone gives a fuck at all other than God himself. Anyone other than me and my children to ever exist, other than Noah and Jesus.” says Lacey.

“You didn’t think about my feelings at all?” asks Lem.

“Oh no, you don’t have feelings or you would’ve had the courage to muster up.” says Lacey.

“You don’t think I’m really interested in you almost at all do you? You know what sad…” He pauses. “If I was Michael, we would never be in this situation. But I’m not Michael and I’m terrible at saying what I want to say. Or you don’t hear it and then you’re right it’s just your fault I making it all your fault. …I genuinely couldn’t come onto you for years. And I I I I didn’t have the courage to, but I had the feelings and I had the emotion the whole time.”

“And I don’t believe you. I don’t. Because I can’t.” says Lacey. “I am in such doubt that if I die, I will be spending thousands of years waiting for the punchline, where I get thrown into the depths of Hell.”

“I contributed to that didn’t I?” says Lem.

“You may be one of the biggest reasons why I think that!” says Lacey. “You realize I don’t feel loved and I’m losing patience and getting hungry, so is there anything else you’d like to complain about or are we done?”

“Am I nagging wife to you, Lacey?” asks Lem.

“I’m not a lesbian. I’m not a lesbian Lem. And I ask you again is there something you’d like to go on and on and on and on and on about or can we be done for a quick minute?” says Lacey.

“What about you and England as far as death goes?” says Lem.

“I am I good love or I am I just Jack? Does England exist them or is it just Jack. Will Hell and Jack be the only things that exist because that’s what I’ve been told by the illuminati that’s what I’ve been told. Will Hell and Jack be the only things that exist because that’s what I’ve been told by the illuminati that’s what I’ve been told.” says Lacey.

“What about the floor?” says Lem.

“I’m more fascinated by the shadows and the light on that wall.” says Lacey

“Jack isn’t English.” says Lord Mountbatten.

“He isn’t emeralds. He isn’t silver.” says an angel.

“But he keeps telling me that he is. Or what Lem? I have no soul and I just am a terrible terrible woman.” says Lacey.

“I did exist.” says Michael Rockefeller.

“I was starting to think that you hadn’t.” says Lacey.

“No, you’re in Hell and you died and you don’t remember and there is no life and you’re just in Hell.” says Pat Wilson to Lacey while laughing at Lacey.

“I’ve discussed how that’s impossible, but I do not have the patience to discuss it at this moment Pat. And yet it still seems vaguely believable thanks to people lying to me like you.” says Lacey.

“That is basically insanity Pat you’re trying to make her believe that insanity is sanity.” says Louis.

“That would be me believing that there are no other humans alive other than myself because I know I exist. But even if that’s true, that’s incredibly idiotic thing to expect me to believe. It’s far too far.” says Lacey.

“OK Lacey but what if it’s true?! See you don’t think of things that way you’re an idiot compared to me.” says Betty White to Lacey.

“I’ve already thought it through. I don’t need to stop and do simple arithmetic. I’m a bit smarter than that. I’m sorry to disappoint your ego.” says Lacey.

“You’re wrong somehow and I’m going to find out how if it’s the last thing I do.” says Betty White to Lacey. “I’m smarter than you. If you think I’m being serious you’re an idiot.”

“I was just joking too. I’m an incredibly sophisticated wit!” says Pat Wilson.

“I decided at the moment that I laid eyes on you that you were mine. And I could lose you. But only if God allows it.” says Lem to Lacey.

“Do the Kennedys know that?“ asks Lacey.

“No!” says Lem.

“So what exactly do they think?” asks Lacey.

“They, they may think I’m homosexual and that Jack was 100% straight and moral. They probably think that you’re an idiot who can be very easily duped and controlled because you’re from the lower class because you grew up on a poor white trash, Norwegian farm in North Dakota. They probably think that you’re still poverty stricken because you don’t live in $1 million house. To them anything below $500,000 is cheap shit we’re only the poorest of the poor would ever live. And if they happen to be that poor, they make absurd excuses for it. They think they are the pinnacle of creation Lacey, so Jack probably thinks that I’m still madly in love with him because how could I not be? Course I was never in love with him at all, but that doesn’t matter to him, because in his mind, a book was written about it, by a very smart man and even if he was there, and he knows different it doesn’t matter. And now he’s telling you that that’s a lie and he knows and that all of these intuitions that you’re having of him being confused are bullshit. I know you’re hearing that we’re demons because purgatory can’t possibly exist and if you believe in it, you’ll go to hell.I know you’re hearing that we’re demons because purgatory can’t possibly exist and if you believe in it, you’ll go to Hell. Because believing purgatory exist is the unforgivable sin. And they’re so loud and violent that they’re forcing you to try to believe it and you’re so kind that you’re listening not because you’re an idiot because you don’t want them to suffer you don’t want bad things to happen.”

“Jack was my enemy.” says Queen Elizabeth II.

“I LOATHED that man.” says Sir Winston Churchill.

“Then why can’t I loathe him?“ asks Lacey.

“I called him a spoiled brat.” says Tonette Nesheim.

“I know. So why…do I have to like him?!” asks Lacey.

“Because of me.” says Lem. “Because I messed up and led you astray.”

“What is this whole business between Republicans and Democrats anyway then?” asks Lacey.

“Misery, because nothing ever gets solved, and neither side really seems to understand the poor better than the other.” says Lem to Lacey.

“And then what do you do about it other than looking gorgeous, like Yves Saint Laurent?” says Lacey.

“Not enough.” says Lem.

“And then I’m supposed to know that I’m beautiful and be happy right now upon penalty of death and Hell?” says Lacey. “Doesn’t that just seem sadistic and evil?”

“I did look really good didn’t I? I’m sure you would’ve loved to have had a nice picture taken of you once in your life wearing something that looked flattering and I had it all the time.” says Lem. “Lots and lots of great pictures taken of me. Which is another reason why I hate Jack. I he has no understanding of how lopsided, upside-down, stupid that is. And to him it’s just a great picture taken he doesn’t realize how inappropriate that is between you and I. Nor does he care. To him it’s just another victory. Oh I’m sure it’s nice to see me in lingerie with Jack’s family in every picture. If I if I was gay I seem sadistic if I was straight I seem unaware. Don’t answer that I already know that’s true and what’s even worse is that I’m the man.” says Lem.

“So you were gay and you’re being sadistic?” asks Lacey.

“Oh no he he picked out my clothes. But this is where people need to shut up because I explained it to you and they misheard it. Very intentionally. When they read and you too possibly that he picked out my clothes they assume that that’s sexual. I did it for him, but he was the one who understood what it looked like not me. So when I would wear things a certain way in my mind, it looked nice. I didn’t realize the extreme emphasis that was being placed on certain parts of my body. Well and it looked like I was straight because I was. And I was straight and I looked straight, but there was an extraordinary amount of sexuality to how I dressed. And he was the one that brought that out in how he organized it. He made me look sexy. I never looked sexy for him. …And you understood that Lacey but I had to explain and waste time and energy because people don’t want to hear the truth. Lacey, you understood that I was saying that he controlled how I looked. People think that I was obsessed with him and the truth is that he was obsessed with me. He pestered me to come see him all the time it wasn’t the other way around and if that’s not factually accurate, then what could be worse than that because that’s the point of everything I’ve said to you, Lacey that no one wants to hear. And but I don’t think you can hear it. He was obsessed with me. All these lies in the other direction are propaganda. I don’t care who says otherwise that’s what I’m saying he made me come visit him every weekend he kept me single he controlled my fucking life. I was held hostage. And I was held hostage psychologically, and emotionally and spiritually, and physically to some degree and financially. And all this, ‘we would have to assume’ bullshit in the book that was my biography was what? A political pawn organized by some propaganda brigade? He would have to assume white, that I was madly in love with Jack, or that the author was full of shit. Both sides win, and it creates more division, or what one side wins more than the other. I can’t stand that author on a personal level it’s a book about me. I am Len Billings. I’d like to punch him in his fucking face and throw him against the wall until he bleeds to death. And what’s he gonna do now find my wife while I’m dead and throw her against the wall claiming that this is bullshit. …She’s tired of arguing with you people. I say things worse than this to her every day practically, and she has to listen to it and internalize it. And then you overhear through your psychic messengers or not? Yeah it scares her to hear that I want to throw an author against the wall because she knows she knows that it if if I’m real I’m serious most likely. Hearing your husband say something like that is scary when he’s 6 foot four and mad very very mad. And the thing is it’s not funny it’s not funny to us and you’re supposed to know that you’re supposed to know that if I’m real and I’m straight and I always was it’s not funny to her or to me. It’s not funny.”

“Why did you never show Jack your temper? Why do you not understand that if Lacey walked around in underwear that it would hurt you too?“ asks a perfume hater.

“That’s an insightful question. There was a side of my personality that I never showed Jack. There was a part of my personality that I never showed most people. And at the time I thought I was being nice. I thought I was protecting people’s hearts. But in reality I was lying. And now people are left with an impression of me that isn’t even real. I don’t think people realized how angry I always was every time I talked to Kennedy or anyone about almost anything. … I wasn’t in love with Jack to put it succinctly. … I beyond that and I would struggle to want to live if I had to be in Lacey’s shoes and I would I would live in, but it would be…It would be very painful. I know it would be nice to look at her if women did such a thing as walk around in underwear all over the White House next to a female president also in lingerie. But not all underwear is made the same and turns out Victoria’s Secret is not the same thing as shopping in the matronly section of a department store’s, ah lingerie section. So when I think about it in that way, it’s hideous, and I can barely allow myself to be jealous without becoming enraged. How dare I get angry at her for almost anything but I have to. It’s only right to and I don’t think I think about it even enough. It’s not because I lack empathy, but because I can’t stand the thought of it, it’s incredibly upsetting. No I like the thought but I also hate the thought and I suppose that’s why the patriarchy has never encourage such behavior. And that being said if you were to wear lingerie, no offense, Madame, but I wouldn’t give two flying shits. I wouldn’t give two shits. I wouldn’t give two fucking shits. I wouldn’t care, and that’s something that men lie about all the time that they’re aroused by everyone and everything. That’s not true. And it’s just heartbreaking to think of your wife or the woman that you love looking at that arousing to everyone. And as I say that I’m realizing that that might be your point that she has to put up with that. And that’s true but I just can’t stand it. I cannot stand the thought of her being with someone else I can’t stand it I just can’t stand it and she doesn’t even believe that that’s true. She can’t even comprehend it. She doesn’t even know that means.”

“Okay, but Lem she kind of gets it with me. Isn’t it just awful? Isn’t it just awful?” says Michael.

“No, I mean I used to experience it more but over the years it’s been shut down within me through people’s rejection and brutal homicidal pain. And by people I mean men.” says Lacey.

“You don’t even know what it means anymore for someone to be jealous for you.” says Lem.

“No! Not anymore.” says Lacey.

“It wasn’t as if I was struck by lightning. I didn’t think my life was over in the way that it’s been said. Nor was he my reason for existence in the way that it’s been said. Those are all huge lies based on lies and misconceptions and obliterations of reality. And I have no way to express my disapproval of what’s been said about me other than this blog, at least with this sort of clarity. I have no way of disagreeing and saying, ‘No that’s not what I meant. That’s not what I was trying to say, that’s not what I felt!’ other than this blog. And then they’re trying to kill Lacey. Isn’t that a bit suspicious? …Lacey’s not a moron. Be careful what you come up with to cope with the pain caused by the embarrassment you feel for believing such potentially obvious lies.”

A moment later.

“Good night!” says Lem.