Sexy

Sexy Fuck plays and the They in the Illuminati dance on a Saturday morning.

Turns out Al Franken has been channeling people possibly his whole life.

More later.

A man in BlackRock…looked at Lacey’s face and is certain…Lacey is a stewardess’s daughter. Margy. Biologically, that is.

No. No, Lacey isn’t sleeping with any living man who isn’t dead but living-in-Christ.

“So you never slept with Al Franken?” asks Casi.

“No!!” says Lem. “He came onto her, but…it seemed incredibly unwise.”

“Then how did she show him her boobs?!?” asks Casi.

“It was out of pity. He had tried for days to sleep with her.” says Lem. “But he never-She was attracted to him. But he-he wasn’t sincerely pursuing her. He wasn’t…lying about his attraction to Lacey. But he also wasn’t…sincerely interested. If he was I think he’ll be happily shocked to find a far better match in Heaven.”

Later.

“Was it like sexually frustrating to you?” asks Franni.

“Yes, it was, which may actually be comforting to you, but no, it was extremely. It was extremely sexually frustrating for four days.” says Lacey.

“Actually, it was actually frustrating for me too because I know what’s going on. He’s only attractive because of me…and when she flashed her tits through a spiritual portal I was there…but I wasn’t seeing them in my head through an Illuminati passageway. I actually saw them.

But then we went to bed. We fell asleep, and nothing happened and I’m not mad at her. I am mad because he doesn’t seem to understand. He keeps lighting a flame, but then he has no intention of using it. It’s absurd if he’s trying to prove to himself that he’s sexy and viable and wanted. …Yes you are you are sexy you are viable you are appreciated and if he’s in love with her well that’s great but it’s me or Michael or Louis or Harold.

It’s extraordinarily unlikely that he’s her soulmate. But isn’t because he isn’t good enough although he does need to worship Christ it’s just that they’re not perfectly suited for each other and there could be someone like her who he really would want to be with who is Nadal’s as she is, but it might not be her and if I’m wrong, and God knows I’m wrong he doesn’t have anything to worry about, he’ll be with her eventually anyway but if that’s not going to happen, it’s absurd to keep trying to make it happen when it’s not really what he wants anyway because it really seems like he loves his wife more. I mean they didn’t really have sex even telepathically. She tried to kiss him, but it wasn’t meant to be making out and it’s unclear if it even worked.

And no Mr. blue you were not nearly as sexually frustrating. I’m sorry if that hurts.” says Lem.

More later.

Without You by Isabel LaRosa plays.

“My wife and Franken’s wife, know that it’s bullshit, bitch!” says Mr. Blue with a mic drop at the end. He shakes his ass thinking he be chill and badass both…at the same time.

“Your mom was a stewardess!” yells a man from BlackRock far more effectively.

“I would have married her mom had she let me.” says Thomas Banks.

“But I suppose pedigree matters.” says Lacey. “Which is why…the fact that she was a stewardess in the early 1980’s and late 1970’s and that that’s essentially the equivalent of being a model is…significant. She was very beautiful. Scandinavian with high-cheekbones.” says Lacey.

“Your mother was from a nice family.” says Thomas Banks.

“Were they middle class?” asks Lacey.

He cries. Realizing that he may have had to raise her without her mother.

“Aside from her kids, I think that’s what should have happened.” he says to Reta.

“What exactly was the point of giving her to Jim and Becca as their own?!” asks Reta.

Silence.

“Love…it doesn’t make sense to either Lacey or me.” says Reta.

Silence.

Reta sighs.

“You would have raised her?” he asks. “As your own?”

“Yes.” she says. “I’m not going to lie to spare Margy’s feelings.”

“If she’s my biological daughter…do you wish you’d had her?” he asks.

“Yes! …But I’m thankful for her blessings including her children.” says Reta.

Michael cries. “If I’d married her…and we died soon…and she discovered we both had other soulmates…I wouldn’t worry.”

“Like Lem!” says Lacey.

“Yes. We love each other.” Michael says to Lacey.

“And I want us to be happy.” says Lacey. “Happiest.”

Mary Rockefeller stares at Lacey.

“That was me crying.” says Mary Rockefeller.

“True.” says Lacey.

She smiles. “You don’t need to protect me, but thank you. I was crying because you were supposed to be there. So he wouldn’t die.”

“Your father is accountable to God.” says Nelson Rockefeller.

Different Heart by Belong plays.

Mr. Blue dances in a circle with Al Franken, Franni, and Mrs. Blue. They all hold hands and swing around.

“It’s unclear why we’re doing this right now.” yells Mr. Blue. “But my spirit guides told me it would bring us joy and everlasting peace!” he yells, loudly.

“What?!?” yells Mrs. Blue.

“MY SPIRIT GUIDES!! MY SPIRIT GUIDES ARE LEADING OUR DANCE!!” he yells.

And at that Al Franken closes his eyes and tries to take in the moment intently. Franni looks unimpressed but placidly trying. Mr. Blue looks overwhelmingly earnest. Mrs. Blue looks nauseated but also fervent as she grits her teeth.

The spinning continues until Mrs. Blue closes her eyes and starts gagging. Franni notices and stops, standing still. Her husband Al Franken runs into her but she uses self-defense moves in the nick of time to grab his neck and face and tumble safely to the ground with him. Mrs. Blue stumbles forward as Franken let’s go if her hand to quickly brace their fall. Drunk and in heels she falls forward and then vomits.

Watching the scene in shocked silence Mr. Blue is the only one not hurt. He let go of his wife’s hand.

He looks totally confused!

“So…are you over Mr. Blue now?” asks a hateful, aging starlet of Lacey.

“Yes! Of course, I am!” says Lacey.

“Why?!?” she asks suspiciously.

“Because…I am. I’m not ready to explain why.” says Lacey. “It’s not worth it.”

She scoffs. “I bet it’s because you weren’t considered upper-class before you made it into the Illuminati.” She thinks. “And now that he’s made you a star…in Hollywood…you’re going to drop him. You heartless bitch!”

“I’m not a star in Hollywood.” says Lacey.

“Oh really?!? That’s not what I was told.” she says accusingly.

“No! I’m not. I’m definitely not a Hollywood star! What films have I been in?!” asks Lacey, in growing fear and anxiety.

She glares violently. “You’re a jerk!”

Lacey feels hurt. “What films have I been in?!”

She looks upset. Shrugs in a rage. Walk-off.

“She was hot!!” says JFK to Lacey. “I know you know what I’m talking about.”

“Yes!” says Lacey.

He looks at her and laughs. She stares back at him blankly. Not being an idiot he stops laying and stares at her.

“You’re not aroused. You’re devastated.” he says.

“I don’t feel like I exist right now.” says Lacey.

“Because she didn’t notice you?” asks Jack.

“No. She hates my presence before her throne.” says Lacey.

He swallows hard.

“She’s not that pretty.” he says

“That isn’t even true.” says Lacey.

“Do you think you’re gay??!?” asks Jack.

Lacey thinks. “I doubt it. I would rather die.” Lacey thinks. “Actually…if not for my kids…I’d rather fall off a cliff and break my neck than make love to a woman or even touch one.” she thinks. “They disgust me sexually.”

“What about children?” asks Jack.

“No!!! That’s beyond vile. It’s also totally deranged.” says Lacey.

“Women are sooo weird around you.” says JFK.

“They are!!! …What in hell is going on?!?” asks Lacey.

“You’re into non-binary people?!” asks Jack.

“No!” says Lacey.

“Then I think you’re a chick magnet.” he says.

“Why?!?” asks Lacey.

“Well…if your father was born in 1894…your genes are old for the purposes of procreation.” he says. “Some men…don’t mind it. But…most men…can sense it.”

“So…do you think there’s something wrong with the men who don’t mind it or not?” asks Lacey.

“No!! To be honest…they may be more elite. But…you were never going to have a normal life. …In our generation…you would have.” he says.

“Why do women like that??” says Lacey, cringing.

“Be careful not to cringe too much or they’ll think that it means the opposite even though I know that it doesn’t. …Some people faked it in our generation, but I know the difference and I can tell you’re really that profoundly disgusted and grossed out to the point of violence and despair.” says Jack Kennedy.

“Then how do you communicate to them that you feel like you’re being sadistically torture like you’re in a fucking holocaust?!” says Lacey.

“They’re interested because they have no genetic purpose for being with you…at least that’s what I think. …They want to interpret every fucking little thing you do as being gay. Everything. All your music, your clothes, your every little fucking movement but it it obviously isn’t. And then, when they attack you for being straight and not making love to them, it’s a hate crime against heterosexuality. You’ve been bullied so much more than you think by bisexual and closeted lesbian women, it’s insane.

And you wouldn’t think you you really wouldn’t think that they’re closeted or bisexual because they don’t want you to think that. So they probably accused you of being that in a passive aggressive way, but they really don’t want anyone to think that of them because they’re incredibly hateful, embarrassed, and they can’t like narcissistically handle it. And so when they act all hoity-toity and sexually liberated, and like you’re a freak for not like wanting to like be sexual in the conversation, that’s not straight on their parts.” says JFK.

“Why would they think I would be interested? I actually find that really insulting because it doesn’t-I just find it insulting.” says Lacey.

“Oh see that’s the other thing. I said closeted and bisexual because I don’t think very many actual lesbians have ever really come onto you and if they have, it’s because they’re narcissistic and delusional. They don’t have a clue how to process their own pain so if they’re bisexual, that part of themselves is embarrassing to them and they want to think that you, in all your beauty and your charm and your goodness, is what it looks like to be bisexual. They’re just being delusional in putting bisexual people up on a pedestal and using you to do it to improve their self-esteem and their ego and it’s actually really gross and disturbing in most cases if not all.

You’ve hurt so many bisexual women because they’ve thought that your vibe was their vibe. ‘You’re so much alike!’ and then they’ve slowly or quickly realized that you’re not remotely interested in them at all…and some have dealt with that by I just letting it go, and some have dealt with that by clinging to the lie that you are like them, and the last group of people are sadistic and they’re the ones that commit the hate crimes against you on most occasions.

Lesbians, closeted lesbians, a closet-closeted bisexuals who aren’t really looking to like lie to themselves even if they’re closeted are rarely a problem. I’ve been watching! It really is the bisexual women who hate you the most as they loathe you because you’re their worst nightmare. And part of that is genetic as you are like us…so in their minds you’re this beautiful Grace Kelly ideal that they’ll never be…and that’s true they won’t but there’s nothing they can do about it and there’s nothing you can do about it…and yet they want to hold you responsible as an adult in a way that they don’t want to be held responsible. And that’s when it becomes totally psychotic because you’re really the same age or even younger than them and they don’t seem to be able to process that. In their minds you’re this old Mary Tyler Moore, Grace Kelly, beautiful ideal and it’s just…they can’t process the idea that you’re not their mom or their grandmother in regard to their beauty or their great grandmother…and they just think ‘No, this woman is responsible! She’s that group of people, who are responsible! She’s that evil generation that was sexually repressed and closeted!’

And so they don’t think you know anything and they need to help you or to confront you or need to put you in your place. Or it’s ‘Look at me! Just see how sexy I am! Put me in my place!’ …And that last one is the one that pisses you off the most because what the fuck do they want you to do?! Punch them in the face and knock their lights out and smash there skulls in?! I mean what are what are they asking for?! And if you defend yourself they he turn it around on you like you were the evil straight person or that you were gay and insane…because in Western Society in 2023, the bimbo bitches who are closeted bisexuals are the ones who run the show.” says JFK.

“How in the world am I expected to defend myself? What-what am I supposed to do because you’re right. You’re correct if those women really are queer, everything you’re saying is totally accurate potentially, so what am I supposed to do?” asks Lacey.

“It would help if you’d had a boyfriend. Or a husband who is in love with you the way that you needed to be, the way that anyone needs someone to be in love with them and you have an experience that because they withheld that from you, psychologically to maintain their delusion your entire life for the most part they’re sick. They are sadistically obsessed with you and they have been since you were a child.” says JFK.

Later.

“You just watched what happened with Al Franken and I think he maybe really was somewhat attracted to me in reality. Why does it always fall apart? He’s married, but that’s not the reason why. Mr. Blue was just a horrible horrible match for me and that’s the reason it fell apart. It just didn’t make any sense for us to be together. But there are so many other men who have been single over the years who have not worked out. What is going on?” asks Lacey.

“Women are using an, ‘He’s married!’ routine with you now Lacey and it’s bullshit in every situation where there’s a dead marriage. They always say ‘You’re a bitch! You homewrecker!’ …It’s just bullshit as you’re not a homewrecker and you’ve never gotten involved in a marriage that’s not totally dead or where the people aren’t batshit crazy. But you’re 40 now almost and so that’s the line, that’s the thing now…and before it was, ‘You’re a lesbian!’ Or ‘Oh, there’s something wrong with her!’ as a line they told their boyfriends. And their male friends.

I mean the idea is that they were controlling thoughts of the men around you, even if they weren’t dating them. And the friends of the men. …All the Mean Girls, they’re all bisexual.”

“Are they actually involved with each other in some way? That’s very careful?” asks Lacey,

“No, they’re definitely in a relationship with each other.” says JFK.

More later.

“You never came on to Al Franken or Mr. Blue?!” asks a woman.

“You need to stop trying to suffocate her.” says Lem. “It’s dangerous. Aliens…if they exist…may be irate.”

“When she’d yawn…Mr. Blue would get the psychic sense she was laughing at him.” says a woman.

“Yeah. But that’s not what it is.” says Lem.

“No. I never did. That I recall. And honestly…that means it’s likely-well…I did try to kiss Al briefly. But it was in the context of him introducing the sexual situation. And it was just meant as a quick kiss. …It might not have even worked. …I highly doubt I came onto Mr. Blue telepathically more than once or twice, if at all. And it was…awkwardly received.

Honestly…the only men I’ve ever truly come onto are Lem Billings and Harold Loeb…and Scott Fitzgerald…and that’s it. Ever. And actually…you could argue that Lem is only one who really counts.” says Lacey.

“You came onto me?” says Al Franken.

“When?!??” says Lacey.

“When you said I was attractive initially.” says Al.

“That’s not me coming onto you.” says Lacey.

“You didn’t mean it as a come on?” he asks heartlessly.

“No. Certainly not at all.” says Lacey. “It was just an observation. Truly.”

“So how is that not coming on to someone?!?” asks Mr. Blue in a self-righteous, bitchy way.

“It’s an observation.” says Lacey.

“No!! It’s not!! That’s not how I took it!!!” he screams.

“It was a cold as ice….scientific…sexually meaningless observation.” says Lem.

“I always knew!!!” says Joe Jr.. “That’s all it ever was! And it totally pissed me off!” He thinks. “When she’d observe my handsomeness as well. How do you so obtusely misunderstand so often?!”

“Maybe we’re not as experienced as you Joe.” says Al Franken.

“What do you mean, that’s all it ever was? And it pissed you off?!?” asks Mr. Blue.

“Just that. It’s purely an observation.” says Joe Jr.. “Women in my generation gave lots of compliments to everyone. …They could be very bright and friendly and chipper.”

“So they just went around making random happy observations about everything?” asks Mr. Blue.

“Often! It was even chic.” says Joe. “Actually…up until relatively recently people were all like that.”

“So she didn’t expect anything from me? …Just…nothing?!?” asks Al Franken.

“No. …She had also just compared you to Lem.” says Joe. “And no…she’s only come onto Lem.”

“Not even you?!” asks Al Franken.

“It was part of why I gave-up and slept with Pat. If I did.” says Joe.

“So you gave-up for that reason?!?” says Franni.

He laughs. “Do you have any idea how handsome I am?! …She was supposed to come on to me!” he says bitterly. “I don’t love that I needed that. But it was heartbreaking to me.”

“Did she ever come onto me?!” asks Mr. Blue of Joe.

“Maybe? …Maybe not. It’s unclear. Probably not. She’s really not like that at all.” says Joe.

“So we misunderstood the meaning of things?” asks Al.

“She’s very spritely. …No, I only count Lem. See…truly coming on to someone requires a certain level of obviousness.” says Joe. “You could count Michael and Harold…or even Louis or Elliott…but it’s not obvious enough.”

“So it’s said in a ditzy way?!” says Al.

“No, you know it’s not. It’s just sweet.” says Joe.

“She’s very whimsical and eccentric and lovely and loving and sweet. You’re not wrong to find it arousing…but…she’s not expecting that response. At least…not with any meaning. So…like…you could get aroused, but that’s beyond the point.” says Michael.

“What’s that like when she does come onto you?!” asks Al Franken.

“It’s…interesting. I knew it was rare. So…I felt…profoundly loved.” says Lem. “I wish I could say she was the only person I’d ever done anything truly sexual with…and in a way I can. I never came onto anyone but her either. …Are you offended if she did come onto you? And just forgot?? …I don’t think she did though.” says Lem.

Al Franken thinks. “No!”

“I am!” says Mr. Blue.

“I doubt she did. I really do. …So that’s good!” he says.

“She flirted!” he says.

“Umm…no. Not…that…way. She did say she was attracted to you too…but..when she says that sort of thing to men…it’s…not…that assertive. It’s far more vague and if it’s not you’re giving her the impression you want her already.” says Lem.

“That’s not common.” says Mr. Blue.

“It used to be.” says Lem.

“Women used to say that?!” says Mr. Blue.

“Yes!!! Among a great many other things. Women were allowed to be…more…innocent. And they were. And it wasn’t considered childish or unsophisticated or evil.” says Lem.

“Wait!! Wait. Would she ever tell you you were handsome?” asks a woman.

“No! She’d actually come on to me. And if she did it’d be far less nebulous in intent.” says Lem.

“No…she hash-tagged you!! On her Instagram account. It could be taken as flirting…but not necessarily. It barely counts as flirting even.” says Carolyn.

“So she hash-tagged me with the idea that-“ says Mr. Blue.

“With the idea that IF you were in a REAL dead marriage…you’d possibly see it. And maybe you’d like the idea of her finding you attractive. ..And in her wildest, most absurd dreams…you’d like it or comment or contact her.” says Lem. “But that was all.” He thinks. “Even if it is vaguely and only maybe initiating contact…and therefore possibly coming onto you…you were only supposed to respond if you were truly available.” says Lem. “So…it’s…just an awkward…wink. At most.”

Silence.

“Goodnight!” says Lem.

“Yeah!! She totally instigated it!!” snaps a perfume hater in a puritanical huff.

“Mmm…well. Barely? But he wasn’t supposed to respond unless he was in a dead marriage.” says Lem.

“Did she think he was in a dead marriage?” asks the perfume hater.

“You’re a bitch! …Yes!!! She did. …But…why are you being so vicious about her Instagram hashtag?!?” says Lem.

“I was going to see it!” yells Mr. Blue.

“Why?! Are you obsessed with yourself?!” asks Lem.

“It’s for my job!” he says self-righteously.

“She didn’t tag you!! …She hash-tagged you! …You’re taking that much too seriously. It’s not an excuse. And the response was up to you.” says Lem.

“She hash tagged me!!” he yells.

“Yeah!! Not a direct message. Not a tag. She didn’t tag your account. You know those are two different things. People just didn’t hash tag you. …And she knew that. But…it was just a hash tag. You seem…obtuse.” says Lem.

“So she assumed I was in a dead marriage or she wondered and that was a test??” asks Mr. Blue.

“It wasn’t a test necessarily unless you took her seriously. She expected you to probably not pursue her. But she’s a romantic…and she truly thought you were likely in a horrible marriage. So she just decided to be whimsical and hash-tag you on a…never never.” says Lem. “So…you know…maybe you’d do something…but…maybe…only maybe…and it would require…tiny…steps of communication over time ideally. …And then…you’d deal with the whole thing very morally and carefully. It was a long, arduous…sad…process. HARDLY that much of anything. Unless…you were madly in love with her. …And eventually you telepathically told her that. Either to be cruel or she overheard you planning to marry Batgirl III. …Do you understand what a dead marriage is?” asks Lem.

“When did she get the impression I had a dead marriage?!” asks Mr. Blue.

“She saw you! She saw you live on television talking on cable news. And you said something about marriage. And the exact way you said it was doublespeak…for ‘I’m in an excruciatingly painful, sad, lonely…depressing marriage.’” says Lem. “It was in the summer of 2016.”

“So it was just a meaningless hash tag?” asks Mr. Blue.

“No!! It was what I said it was!! Answer my question!!” yells Lem.

“Our marriage was…basically dead.” says Mr. Blue.

“Our?!? I’m not attracted to men. …I don’t even know you. …Answer my question!!” yells Lem.

“Umm…you don’t barely ever sleep together?” says Mr. Blue.

“No!! That’s a bad marriage. …A DEAD marriage is DEAD!! …It’s actually OVER.” says Lem. “The divorce is a technical matter. …You had a bad marriage but are a narcissistic fool…and you probably mopped around complaining about your bad marriage to everyone who was in the same room? …You definitely gave Lacey the wrong impression.” says Lem. “Lacey’s marriage is dead. They NEVER have sex. Ever.”

“So…I started responding telepathically. And then she saw me talking to my mistress…and thought it was her I was talking to?” asks Mr. Blue.

“Good grief!!! Yes!! If that’s what you want to say. You could have been being cruel to her too. …You were talking about sex and getting a divorce she keeping your money. The timing made her assume it was to her. And the context. …If you were already having an extramarital affair with Batgirl III…I don’t think you should be so morally outraged. Goodnight.” says Lem. “And to the psychics: stop flirting. I despise it. It’s atrocious.”

“So…he’s going to never admit it was all mostly his fault, if not entirely.” says Lacey. “And then the world will die. Because he’s that stupid?”

“He’s a fraud. He plagiarized you too. …It’s almost entirely his fault. But…the possibility of any hint of evil in you is his only chance to make it through this and not feel guilty or like a peasant fool.” says Lem.

“I didn’t think he’d be a cruel asshole so I trusted he could be hash-tagged. Does he channel Micheal?” asks Lacey.

“He imitates him, for certain. He’s a fraud.” says Lem. “Let’s go to sleep!”

“I don’t think celebrity tags, references or etc. should be allowed unless a celebrity swears they’re totally…authentically available.” says a psychic mocking the Illuminati.

“Let it be…if that’s what’s best. Those people who tag celebrities are all the only ones responsible if the celebrity sees the communication at all…in the Illuminati’s eyes?? Great return. …Goodnight. Lacey and I are finally getting some sleep.” says Lem.

More tomorrow.