“Our bodies need water to stay hydrated and the body needs water stay hydrated. Lack of hydration causes premature death of hydraulic levels. And in that lack of hydraulic fluid…the body becomes more susceptible to infections in the urinary tract.” says a doctor. Then she looks at Lacey and smiles sexually, assuming Lacey is MADLY in love with her.
“So dehydration leaves you more susceptible to urinary tract infections!” says Lacey cheerfully, ignoring her sexual pompous shit.
“No!” bites the doctor. “No! The lack of hydraulic fluid…becomes a problem. See”. She pulls out a paper and draws the urinary tract. “Here’s your urinary tract. See…when the urethra starts building up more susceptibility to infections in the urinary tract is more susceptible to infections. And this happens when we are dehydrated.” she says, threatening Lacey’s life if she doesn’t bow down.
VHS DREAMS by Deerhunter plays.
“Alright!” says Lacey. She postures herself to kill this woman…but in a secret way…this dumbass bitch narcissist who’s possibly just a worthless piece of shit doesn’t have the intellectual capacity to understand. And Lacey is lucky that she doesn’t get it. Or the doctor might just kill her. Take a handgun out of her bag and shoot her. Or let her die.
“She’s not gonna luck your pussy.” Lem says.
“Why is Miranda dating women? Women suck nowadays.” says Lacey. “The Illuminati ruined them.”
“They did. Because if they let women be women then Mr. Blue would be killed.” says Lem. “He would have to admit he’s just wrong. And his conscience won’t let him truly do that.”
“So they’re destroying the female brain to believe Lacey is evil?” asks a reader.
“Yeah!! No shit!” says Mr. Blue’s fat cat boss.
The They in the Illuminati shakes their asses to Deerhunter. It looks hilarious. They all have objectively ugly asses in grey pants.
“Hold-up!!” yells Mr. Blue.
El Garbanzo by Herb Alpert & The Tijuana Brass plays.
He dances…holding his hands at his sides…he does a modified Chicken Dance to the song.
“Sorry! That last song was getting too sexual for me!” says Mr. Blue.
“Oh that’s okay! I’ll suck your cock later!” says Mrs. Blue.
“Okay!! Good.” he says as he bends over and let’s out a giant smelly, loud fart.
“That’s a fart.” says the doctor cheerfully.
“Yup!” says Mr. Blue.
“It’s a FART!!” yells the doctor.
“No. It’s not!! You’re a fucking bitch!” says Mr. Blue.
The doctor cries. She collapses into a pile of tears.
“I wasted my whole damn life! And I’m exhausted! And my face looks like shit!” says the doctor.
“Ewww!” says Mr. Blue letting out another giant fart.
The entire They in the Illuminati smells it.
“Oh!! That’s gorgeous!” says Bill Clinton.
“Don’t spend too long! It’ll take him a while to make another one, and I want my turn!” says a woman in Connecticut.
Psychotically deciding smelling the fart is the best sex he’s ever had…he smiles supremely.
“We share! We share!” says Al Franken cheerfully. He claims his hands in fake glee.
Whipped Cream by Herb Alpert & The Tijuana Brass plays.
Mr. Blue lets out another fart. He laughs and looks bashful.
They all stand there examining it.
“This one is…more acidic!” says the doctor joining them.
“Oh wow!” says Mrs. Blue. “Are you an expert at everything?”
“Yup!” says the doctor grinning proudly through her ugly teeth.
“Wow!!” says Al Franken. “You must be like…a rocket scientist!”
“Yup!” says the doctor.
Zero by Electric Guest plays.
“So is it a fart or a gas?” asks Mr. Blue trying to appeal to her ENORMOUS, perverse ego.
“It’s a farty fart!” says the doctor laughing like an immature buffoon. She bends over and giggles like a ‘self-confident’ cool-kid.
“Wow!! Gee…tell us more!“ says Al Franken.
“I mean…it’s a fart.” says the doctor delivering the punchline. She shrugs in faux humility.
The They all look nonplussed.
“My gosh.” says Franny.
“Yeah, I know. It’s like poop. But there’s a difference.” says the doctor.
“It’s a subtle difference.” says Lacey semi-facetiously trying to desperately find a way to relate to these “people.”
Me and the Devil by Soap&Skin plays.
“You’re the most hideous human to evil live. You’re a dog faced idiot! From the gutter!!” yells the doctor who grew-up poor. She points at Lacey.
“So are most Millennial doctors just gutter shit?” asks Lacey.
“Yes! Nurses too.” says a man in the Illuminati.
“Makes sense. You drank Mountain Dew, acted condescending in college classes to everyone and systematically sucked out your peer’s souls with hopes of becoming a ‘rich doctor’ someday.” says Lem. “Al Franken, you and your wife are like that too, aren’t you?”
“So are Mr. Blue and his half-assed-rich-kid wife.” says Lacey.
“Why?! Why did you use that angle and DESTROY the medical profession??!” asks Lacey’s former orthodontist.
“They might not have realized they’d be in that situation.” says Lacey.
The doctor thinks. “They didn’t realize I was poor growing-up.” she says.
“Exactly. You don’t look that way now.” says Lacey.
The doctor cries.
“Why didn’t you just become a doctor? You’d be an amazing doctor.” she says to Lacey.
“I was already too exhausted.” says Lacey.
“You really are a genius.” she says to Lacey.
“I might be. …You know…I actually do feel sorry for all of you.” says Lacey.
“It wasn’t so bad before the pandemic for those of us who had the energy.” she says.
“No! I loved being an orthodontist!” says Lacey’s former orthodontist.
“Thank you for chatting like normal humans.” says Lacey.
“We were so much more normal before you accidentally found the Illuminati.” she says. “Too bad you couldn’t use that intelligence to discover things in medicine.”
“I’d have had to be alive. But honestly…she’s too feminine. And I’d be paranoid she’d die.” says Lem.
“I’d be paranoid too!” says Lacey.
“You would be?!” scoffs the doctor.
“Yes!” says Lacey thinking they’re on the same page.
Fleetwood Mac Dreams plays.
The doctor shakes her ass for Lem thinking he’s getting an enormous hard-on. The Italian poet from the last episode of And Just Like That dances with a huge erection. He prances around her like a literal fairy.
“Yes! I’d be paranoid she’d die.” says Lem. “My father died. He was a doctor.”
The doctor strips naked. The man with the enormous penis and her dance. Of course totally ignoring each other sexually.
Lacey and Lem walk away. Watching in fear of God and in self-defense.
“They’re trying to molest our kids.” says Lem to Lacey.
“How is God allowing this? They’re destroying the fabric of the universe.” says Lacey.
“They don’t understand that.” says Louis.
“Is the Illuminati too collectively stupid to function?” asks Lacey.
“Lacey! When you find your soulmate…you’ll just know!” says Lem, mocking their famous catchphrase from the post Kennedy Administration.
“They don’t understand that they’re just finding one good person.” says Lacey. “They’re missing the existence of the inherent chaos.”
“It’s AMERICA!!” yells Louis. He dives into the fray of the dancing crew.
“My dick is soft. And I’m getting tired.” says the Italian.
“How did it get hard in the first place?” asks Louis.
“Lem is straight. So…I just thought about other men.” he says.
“She’s still dancing.” Louis says to the naked man. They watch the naked doctor dance.
“Does she realize Lem is totally genuinely repulsed and ignoring her?” asks Louis.
“No! I doubt it. Look at her go!” says the naked man with the enormous penis.
“When does she stop?” asks Louis.
“Can she?!” asks the gay man who is Italian.
“Yes!!!” yells Louis, exasperated.
“But if she stops then she has to deal with reality.” says the naked Italian man.
“Why is that a problem?!” asks Louis.
Soft by Vacations plays.
The naked gay man looks sad. He scowls at Louis.
“What?!” asks Louis.
The Italian man continues to scowl. In silence.
Louis looks confused. “What?! She can stop.” says Louis.
The Italian man looks repulsed. Walks off like Louis is…pure evil.
Louis yells at the dancing doctor as he doesn’t want to touch her.
“HEY! YOU CAN STOP!!” yells Louis.
Nights Interlude by Nightmares On Wax plays.
The woman doctor pops a psychedelic mushroom.
“Oh great! She’s doing drugs now.” says Louis.
The gay man steps out and dances naked, trying to make it look sexy. After three seconds he gives up.
He walks over to Louis.
“Hey!” he says to Louis.
Louis has men restrain him in a chair.
“Why are you helping her destroy the Earth?” asks Louis.
He spits at Louis.
Louis has the man in the chair who’s restrained carried away.
“HEY!!! YOU!!! STOP!!” yells Louis at the dancing female doctor.
A herd of Irish dancers Irish dancing join her, encircling her. They’re pushy, and there are dozens of them.
“Hold-up!!” yells Mr. Blue. “Why was that nice gay man snubbed by you?!? You worthless bitch!” says Mr. Blue to Louis.
The Irish dancers are distracting the deranged Millennial woman, thus helping her calm down enough to stop dancing. She looks to be slowly down.
“I’ll fuck her if it helps!” says Wobbly half joking.
She staggers around. Then she stands still. She breathes heavy, exhausted. She looks seconds away from being escorted off stage. Thank goodness.
She even smiles kindly at an Irish dancer who laughs with her about her psychotic dancing episode.
But something is…wrong.
All Of Me by Sidney Bechet plays.
Mr. Blue walks up and with a handgun systematically shoots all of the Irish dancers. They lay on the ground bleeding to death.
He sneezes. Pulls out a cotton handkerchief from the front pocket of his pants and blows his nose. Seeing dead bodies laying at his feet seems totally fine to him. He looks totally unaffected.
Running Up That Hill by Kate Bush plays.
Mr. Blue yells, “Hey! Spotlight over here!”
An Italian mob boss walks over to Mr. Blue.
“Hey! Are you working for Vincenzo Corto?” asks the mob boss lighting a cigarette.
“No! Not-Who are you?!” asks Mr. Blue.
The mob boss stares at him.
“Frankie.” says the mob boss.
“Okay?!?” says Mr. Blue condescendingly.
“So! Who are you then?!” Frankie lights another cigarette after throwing the first on the ground.
“Mr. Blue.” says Mr. Blue quietly.
“You work for the establishment?” asks Frankie.
“Yeah. Who are you?!” asks Mr. Blue.
“Frank McCourt.” says Frankie sarcastically.
The doctor shoots meth and grabs a plastic, toy guitar.
“Yeah! I’ve got 40 naked Irish dancers down.” says Frankie into his cell phone.
Mambo by Tropkillaz plays.
The doctor dances with her cheap plastic guitar. Like a psychotic idiot.
She runs around not realizing she’s forgotten to pretend to play on her plastic guitar.
“You dropped the melody!!” yells Louis.
She stops and stares at Louis. Higher than a kite on drugs she decides he’s…so correct.
“Let’s talk about your art!” yells Louis.
She stupidly walks over to Louis. Squinting.
She stares at Louis.
“You wanna rock!” says Louis.
She goes into cardiac arrest and she dies. She falls to the ground, plastic guitar in hand.
Her essence is taken to the “other side.”
Paper Planes by M.I.A. plays.
Mr. Blue smiles.
Galvanize by The Chemical Brothers plays.
Mr. Blue and Al Franken walk on stage. They hold hands up in the air in victory. Two spotlights frame their bodies.
Ignoring the lyrics…they stand in front of a camera and wait for their “cool-kid” lines.
It’s the lyrics intended for the Irish dancers after the doctor was supposed to be escorted safely off-stage.
It’s the lyrics to Wild Child by Enya. Not hearing that their song doesn’t match Galvanize at the chorus they dance to Wild Child.
Ironically…it’s…slightly delightful.
“Aww! So pretty!” says a liberal American watching on television at home.
“I’m so excited by this new vibe.” says an American psychic also watching at home.
“We’re all awakening!” says yet another psychic.
“Lacey’s Tom’s daughter! She’s not a Scorpio anymore. She’s a Libra!” says an Illuminati psychic reading the audience watching Mr. Blue and Al Franken on stage.
“Have you finished reading everyone?” asks the psychic’s mentor.
“Yes, of course.” says the first psychic.
…
Mr. Blue holds a microphone and sings Lost At Sea by Rob Grant & Lana Del Rey to mock Lacey. Batgirl III laughs off-stage while grinning not because of the beauty of the song but because she…believes…he loves her now. She cries tears of joy.
Al Franken joins Mr. Blue on-stage with a microphone to sing in mockery of Lacey as well. They sing…very endearingly. And it’s a touching song.
Happiness is a butterfly by Lana Del Rey plays and they sing to that as well.
Billions of people watch them.
They’re moved.
It’s an objectively beautiful vibe.
Mrs. Blue and Batgirl III dance and sing mockingly off-stage in unison. They laugh.
The plebs running the American Illuminati see laughing and decide they better join in. Being mildly stupid and able to very effectively assimilate they sound convincingly amused. They have no idea what they are actually laughing at.
Say So by Doja Cat plays next. And thinking it’s their cue to look sexy the entire They moves on-stage to dance sexy. Suddenly the camera pans too far down and the entire world sees all the 40 dead Irish dancers at their feet. A dead woman’s breast is very much the focal point on screen during the lines about “ass and titties” and it’s…hilarious
The They don’t see the bodies but dance around them adroitly. Batgirl III dances awkwardly, shaking her ass badly. But it looks cool to peasants because it comes too late in the performance.
They clap their hands for themselves and join in like a classic end to SNL. Al Franken’s wife joins him on-stage. She lied and stayed off-stage to look innocent. But it rips apart the universe because it is a mistake and there’s no room for mistakes as the Illuminati worships Satan openly and Christ in secret.
A giant earthquake splits the earth open. Destroying Seattle.
Drive by Warpaint plays.
Seattle is…beautifully demolished by a cerulean tsunami wave that swallows the city. The downtown area crumbles like granola and floats out to sea from below, only to be eventually covered by a wave and totally submerged into the vast, dense, God created…vast…Pacific Ocean.
Millions of people die who haven’t been crushed.
“If there’s reincarnation in the Bible, a lot of the children that are being held hostage right now came back to Earth against their better understanding and judgment or were created to prevent people from dying in Seattle? Keep that in mind in this story, because God is God. And the Bible is his book so don’t defile it.” says a man.
“This my understanding. I’m not God.” says Lacey.
Lake Washington joins the sea. When the water settles it looks like the ocean took a huge bite out of the Earth in Washington State.
Batgirl III falls down the stairs in New York City, or she shoots up heroin in a sore near her knee too often and it leaves her leg throbbing in pain.
She cries. Over and over. And God hears her but so does the Illuminati and…so they quickly turn back time.
It’s cool looking. The whole of Seattle reassembles. The water goes back. Before anyone can understand what happened. In the literal blink of an eye.
And Hell comes on Earth…for many people.
Batgirl III dances smiling…”If I was to be in a movie who do you think I would be, Al?!” asks Batgirl III sexually.
He giggles. Open-mouthed. “I would say The Baroness!” says then Senator Al Franken.
“No, Lacey looks like the Baroness. A lot like the Baroness. They’re not identical, but they look physically alike. Lacey looks like that actress… That’s my wife!! That’s Lacey‘s role not hers.” yells Lem’s ghost.
“So it’s all going to be fine because the Baroness doesn’t win. She’s not a dog or a peasant but she doesn’t win. She doesn’t get the heart of Baron von Trapp. Maria does.” said Lacey almost verbatim in 2016 telepathically.
Words Are Dead by Agnes Obel plays.
“Um, you know you’re such a stupid bitch!” says Batgirl III to Lacey.
“She can’t hear you!” says Mr. Blue, annoyed.
“Because she doesn’t know that we’re talking to her telepathically?” asks Batgirl III.
“Yeah, I mean, can you imagine what she would turn into if she had to listen to some of the conversations that we do? She’d fall apart because she’s some stupid little fucking bitch from Minnesota. Her brain would probably just like explode, the second that someone spoke to her.” says Mr. Blue.
“And she knew it? You mean like she knew that it was telepathy?” asks Batgirl III.
“Yeah, yeah!” says Mr. Blue.
“Why don’t we just talk to her telepathically then?!” asks a Jonah Hill type in the mainstream media.
“Dude…it’ll probably kill her but I mean if it doesn’t make a noise, just kill her with that.” says another Jonah Hill type in the mainstream liberal media.
“Wait…what are we talking about?” asks Mr. Blue.
“No…I’m just saying we should kill her with telepathy.” says the first Jonah Hill type.
Waking Up by M83 plays.
“OK no I mean any woman in Minnesota who’s family owns oil and who’s got a gong in their family and they’re Norwegian must be total trailer trash…so we should probably just kill her while she’s in Seattle.” says the second Jonah Hill type.
“Too bad there isn’t like an earthquake or some thing that would be awesome!” says the first Jonah Hill type.
“OK, but earthquakes are too expensive!” says Batgirl III.
Turns out Batgirl III uses heroin to get the same amount of peace Lacey gets by just breathing…because Lacey has such a superior brain that she’s able to process incredibly complex contradictory information and make sense of it in a way that Batgirl III only can with the help of opiates with her inherently peasant brain that America has almost always refused to be truly honest about. Lacey is such a genius that all she has to do is listen to Mozart be enough anesthetized and she could almost be given open-heart surgery and she would be fine possibly…not necessarily, but she has an amazing amount of control over most parts of her body with just Mozart when it comes to pain management.
“You’re a sick bitch!! Mozart?! That’s not possible! I am a heroin addict or my son died of it…and I’m fucking poor…and YET…I’m not lower than you. You’re a sick bitch you narcissistic…little bitch.” says a middle class woman with Hell pretending to back her every nuance to attack Lacey.
“So that’s totally made up right? I mean you can guarantee 100% that’s made-up?! Yeah, yeah, yeah?!?” asks a leader of the DNC in the Midwestern-Caucus-Shit in 2016.
“Don’t bother asking her she’s deaf. She doesn’t know telepathy, she’s just a fake weirdo. I mean who even uses oil anymore that’s so uncool.” says Batgirl III in 2016.
“I mean I think I’m more like the Baroness.” says Lacey apologetically.
“Yeah, you are, but they don’t hear that.” says Lem. Lacey barely hears him.
When I Was Older by Billie Eilish plays.
The sea watches.
“It ain’t happy.” says a dead black prostitute from Seattle from 2016. She’s since left. She doesn’t know if she could be there or not and not make a mistake.
“We are overdue.” says a seismic expert.
“What if there was a huge, giant earthquake just off the coast of Seattle. Is it possible that within the next 10 years there could be another earthquake that would wipe out large portions of the West Coast and if so, how would that be possible?” asks Louis.
You Can Do It by Ice Cube plays.
The whole West Coast of the US falls into the sea. Suddenly the Southwest is the…West. California disappears. So does most of Mexico.
Florida is higher.
“Or no? Going back to Batgirl III…because bitch stole my ride.” says Louis.
“How?” asks the ocean.
“You wanna eat California?” asks Louis.
“Yeah, I kind of do. I mean there’s aliens here so like the only person that we really have to obey is God. I don’t know. I’m kind of sick of this shit so…it would be a very different world. I don’t know why my kind of like a better…I’m getting hot. It’s kind of bothering me.“ says the ocean.
“OK so where is the perverted sex?!?” says a fat ass adult in the Illuminati.
“No there was no sex in that statement. We just would like to destroy the world, but God’s not letting us.“ says the ocean.
“What the heck are you talking about? I am the Baroness von Trapp, you can tell me anything.” says Batgirl III.
“I’m not even going to dignify that idiocy with a response other than what I just have said.” says the ocean.
“OK so what I’m gonna take from this moment is that Lacey is jealous that Al Franken is PROFOUNDLY in love with his wife…and that umm…his wife’s better than her and that Batgirl III is better than her too, but not as good as Al Franken‘s wife.
It…it’s it’s kind of like a Franken’s wife wins first place and then Batgirl III comes in second but they’re better than most people. Except for you, you seem nice…you seem nice…but most people would say they’re better than that. I was there for you…you seem nice, but just…most people would say that…
So…so I mean…it’s something to consider. Umm…even though you’re not-I’m talking about you. No…it’s just something to keep in mind. Keep in mind that I am better than everyone…but don’t worry it’s not you. It’s just something for you to keep in mind.” says Franni.
“No…I know! I’m better than you…and I’m better than almost anyone to ever exist but because I’m better than most people to ever live…I can recognize that you’re better than other people. Other people other than me so you know, I get it. We’re both better than pretty much everyone and it makes complete sense to me.” say all narcissistic Minnesotans.
“Are they trying to impersonate the Wellstones?!” asks a gay Jew in 2008.
“No…because the Wellstones would’ve hated Lacey for being a father-fucker and a worth-shitsnot. …I love her and maybe it’s because I’m petite. Maybe it’s because my husband looked at her tits in his mind at 4 o’clock in the morning…miles away from her but whatever it is, I care like God…and I know that she is not a poop-fuck or a sneaky-snack or a shit-shit. Those are all scientific terms, ask NASA.” says Al Franken’s wife.
“Those are all scientific terms!!?” asks a Christian conservative in Minnesota.
“Did Lacey sleep with your husband and it made you really sad?!?!?” asks a Boomer in Los Angeles.
“No…I mean no I mean. Yes…but no. Yes…will go with yes.” says Mrs. Blue.
“But it was in his spirit…they’ve never even seen each other in person!” says a Republican.
“Yeah… I mean…something to her. It means something to her that it doesn’t mean to us and so then we have to go with that and you know it’s like you have to humor weird stupid bitches like her.” says Franni.
“Ok…I don’t think you know what you’re talking about so I’m just gonna assume that all liberals are idiots. Henceforth as far as I can tell. …I wanna be careful…because she actually sounds more liberal than you do. But…I don’t think the Wellstones would’ve hated her sweetie. I think you’re an idiot and a nutjob, but we’ll just have one and just kind of sit back and listen OK?” says the GOP.
“How many is the overturn affirmative action and Roe versus Wade and turn Jim Crow laws into a 21st-century thing? Like take Black people out of it…and then just sort of make it like fresh and updated. I mean how many times have they remade Little Women and Pride & Prejudice I feel like Jim Crow needs an update.” says a Republican from South Carolina.
“I’m not her father. Neither is Harold. You’re just making an ass of you and your husband.” says Louis.
“No! That’s not true.” says Al Franken.
“What’s not true?” says Louis.
“She’s a father-fucker.” says Al Franken.
“Oh dear. No. You’re not correct.” says Louis.
“So…why are you here?” he asks Louis.
“Huh?!?” asks Louis.
“You’re my hot boyfriend from Paris.” says Al Franken.
“Okay!” says Lem. “You dated Louis?!”
“Yeah! In the 1940’s.” says Al Franken.
“Yeah?! Really?!? I sucked your cock!!!” says Mr. Blue cheerfully. “I’m totally channeling Louis right now.”
“Oh yeah?!? You were in love with me?!” says Al Franken in mild disdain.
“No!! I was alive. I’m the Louis. Not him. …I’m not gay at all.” says Louis.
“Wait! It’s oil.” says a Native American woman.
“Yeah! Oil.” says a narcissist in North Dakota. “My family has thousands in oil too!”
“But you’re not her!” says the Native American woman.
“Huh?” says the narcissist.
“So the idea is that your family has as much as hers or you just don’t think about it.” says the Native American.
“Well in a sense I am connected to her family socially so in a sense I’m like damn, but I also have my own personal oil.” she says.
“Yeah but her family has trillions in oil if not more on their private property and an Electoral College Vote vote in Washington state what do you have? That’s equal to that?” asks the CIA.
“Yes!!” says that North Dakota narcissist.
“How?” asks the Native American.
“I’m smarter than her!” she says.
“How?!” she asks.
“She never finished college?” she says.
“Doesn’t mean anything.” says the Native American.
“Fine! She’s prettier too.” says the narcissist.
“So when do you win?” asks the Native American woman.
“Now!!!” says the narcissist.
“So you have no way to sin…but you want one?” says the Native American. “And you win too?”
“Okay. So. I lose.” says the narcissist.
“But you secretly don’t…or you’ve been lied to?” asks the Native American woman.
“Yeah. Sure.” says the North Dakota narcissist.
Lacey gets bored.
“So you don’t want her love?” asks the Native American woman of Lacey.
“My family really is one of the aristocratic families in North Dakota so I have I have her loyalty and affection through my family. I don’t have her love as a person, but she was always going to have respect for me due to my family and who they actually are, in that state.” says Lacey.
“OK so your family is an aristocratic, landed, aristocratic family with a Norwegian title, and an Electoral College Vote and lots of other laurels, including trillions in oil in North Dakota. And you could’ve probably been very popular in Tri Delta and graduated with honors and spent a year in London and got in history degree of art history and married Davi. And how wealthy would you guys be at this point?” asks Mr. Blue.
“Yes. The reason David broke up with me is because he wanted sex and I was halfway across the country. But in this case, he’s nothing like David Kennedy, or any other David really other than maybe David Rockefeller…but he…yeah I think he just wanted sex. And I wasn’t there and then he made excuses and pretended like it meant something other than that, but that’s really all it was. He was, he was probably in love with me, but just not enough to like get over the fact that I wasn’t there physically.
Umm… somewhere between $1.3 million and $4,000,000.00 net.” says Lacey.
“So about the same as what you’ll probably end up being worth being married to Mark so there’s really no difference?” says Mr. Blue.
“Oh yeah, yeah that’s true. You know I never met anybody who I could’ve made that much more with. Actually that’s not true that’s not true. David had a cousin who is a writer for Comedy Central and I have a feeling that if I married him and I did find him attractive, that we would probably be worth more. Umm…maybe $20 million by this point.“ says Lacey.
“If I was alive, she be worth about $1 billion. What is the point of this conversation?” asks Lem.
“Well I’m sure they ruined the 1940’s music for you though right?” asks the North Dakota narcissist.
“No, no. Because it’s our music so they can’t do that. These people are kids. There’s no one old enough to run it. Because they’re all dead.” says Lem.
Love & Hate by Michael Kiwanuka plays.
“I can feel the evil spirit in this room of Satan it’s sick. Can anyone else feel it tonight?“ asks Mr. Blue.
“I have…an orgasm.” says a man bending over.
“Thank you, Satan!” says Mr. Blue behind an electric piano.
“So I just wanted to share a testimony from this week. We had a dog come to our house and we sold it to the sex hostages so that the dog could be raped by the kids and then everyone could be murdered and thrown off a cliff, and that was…umm…that was a real moment of victory for our family. We’ve been going through a really hard time for the last seven years with that ugly bitch in Minnesota who is in love with so many men going around trying to break-up their marriages. I’m really scared that my marriage is going to be next, because apparently Al looks like Lem Billings just short and he kind of looks like Michael too but short…and I’m just worried that sometime in the next couple of years he might telepathically think of her boobs.” says Franni.
“You’re only worth a couple of trillion and her family actually isn’t. How much are they actually worth?” asks a Saranjs
“They’re collectively worth either $8 billion or $80 million depending on what we do with oil in the next 30 years.” says Lem as a ghost
“Isn’t it funny how like Michael Rockefeller and Lacey are like in love and like destined to spend eternity together if it doesn’t work out with Lem…or possibly Louis…like isn’t that kind of strange…like that the oil companies probably could make a lot more? I’m actually curious how much they’d make if we had the oil worth $8 billion.” says Rod.
“$92 billion.” says Michael.
“Oh my gosh she’s so freaked out you guys I can sense it!” says Mr. Blue.
“By what?!” asks Shell.
“Me. And…her sin. She’s a pedophilic monster. And a fat bitch. And…” he checks his books. “Umm…she’s into men?” says Mr. Blue.
“Could you please be quiet back there, Mrs. Franken isn’t done giving her testimony?” says the anti-pastor.
“TON YORRS!” says a CIA rep. “ON!! …YRROS!”
“Not forgiven!” says a man smiling.
“As I was saying, our life is complete, but we need to start killing fish in our swimming pool. We’ll blow-up the swimming pool! Guys!! I really doubt that a woman as uneducated and shitty as Lacey would understand. Right? So I think we should get electric eels. We put her in the pool with the eels. …And just let them have her. Just let them kill her in a swimming pool. The eels because that’s definitely…umm…that’s ‘not a good idea.’” says Mrs. Franken.
Suddenly Lacey almost levitates in Minnesota.
People read this and laugh.
“I hear people laughing at Franni. I can’t handle that.” says Al Franken.
“I hear people calling me ugly with big ears and tiny eyes and man hands. I can’t handle it.” says Mrs. Blue.
“So you do you think we should start World War III in Franni’s honor?!” asks a Satanist for MSNBC.
“Yeah no! Totally!! Like…we can win. It’s just like it was in World War II except it’s you know…like easier.” says a US General.
“Well I mean, how do you plan on doing it…like do you think we should just go over there and just see if Putin is cool with it or not? Umm…like does he win or what?” asks a General.
“I’m pretty sure China is going to be totally like dismissive of any like desire Putin has to win. So I don’t know. …I think we’ll probably have to stand-up for Putin to China and make sure that like umm…he doesn’t get bullied because I’m a little worried that they’re just gonna be like, ‘Eww! It’s Russia…like they’re not even cool.’ Like they lost the Cold War. Like recently…and obviously it’s like…they are so defeated…that I’m just not sure if China…being as wealthy as it is…is going to want to have anything to do with Russia. But I have a feeling if we like put in a good word, China will probably go for it because I mean hello it’s us.” says Senator Al Franken.
“Well…you know I’m not convinced of that. I am a little worried that Russia could actually kick our ass.” says Ruth Bader.
“That’s sad.” says Al Franken.
“Yeah.” says Franni.
“I don’t like it!” pouts a liberal journalist.
“Neither do I?” says another liberal journalist.
Howlin’ for You by The Black Keys plays.
And at that Hillary Clinton gets on a pants suit that fits too tightly in the butt and thighs, and creates an awkward bellbottom shape near her too flat kitten heels that hold her swollen feet.
She walks on-stage.
Donald Trump jumps up and down extremely excited to win.
“Hey!” says MSNBC.
“You are a stinking piece of shit and you’re ruining the world.” says Trump to Hillary.
“Boom bitch! Like them socks!” says Hillary in response. She giggles.
“You’re a Bush and they’re evil.” says Trump to Jeb.
“I can barely breat-“ says Jeb.
“Gump!” says Hillary.
“I won.” says Trump.
“No!! You did not!” says MSNBC.
“I did.” says Trump.
“You did not!” yells CNN.
“No. Everyone else has walked away.” says Trump.
“Ahh…no!!” says PBS.
“Nope!! I won.” says Trump.
“No! You lost!!” says NBC.
“No. …I seriously won, guys.” says Donald Trump.
The media looks confused.
“Well…it’s been fun!” Trump says to Russia in 2020.
“Too bad your daughter tried to kill Lacey several times, and that your daughter was a heroin addict and there were other huge dysfunctionality‘s in your family. You really were one of the only people we could work with.” Russia says to Trump.
“So is there going to be a nuclear war?” asks Trump.
“I don’t know we’ll see. I mean I I I hope not, but we’ll see, I don’t know.” says Putin.
Putin shrugs.
“I will see you in Hell! You obviously seduced Senator Franken and Mr. Blue with pictures of your breasts to their brain. I bet you probably did that after four days of them stalking you endlessly asking for sex constantly…because you were waiting for the millionth time for them to ask you for sex…to finally show them your tits, and the fact that that’s all you did out of pity…makes you the most evil woman to ever live. So I will see you in Hell! You are the reason everything is falling apart.” says a peasant to Lacey. He isn’t being sarcastic.
Desert Rose by Sting plays.
“That’s not what happened. We’ll have to address that later though OK?” says Louis.
“Hey want to watch me dance?” says a Vice President.
“Sure, honey.” says President Biden.
“That’s not his wife.” says Putin.
“Shh!! Be quiet! Maybe that’s actually his wife. Gosh…you never know, you never know! They’re the in house-they’re there together a lot maybe they’re actually having an affair!” says Trump to Putin in desperation.
“But that’s not his wife! Don…that’s a breach in protocol!” says China.
Trump rolls his eyes.
“Fine but do we have to really…do we do we have to really do this?” says China.
“I know you’re gonna probably start World War III or who knows what with water and wind. I’m not like those people.” says Trump.
“Shh!! We liked your friendship.” says Putin.
“Geez guys. Fine.” says Trump.
It’s 2022.
Queen Elizabeth II is more beautiful than a desert rose to Prince Philip. …Truly.
Prince Philip sees her sweet beauty. And in dignity Queen Elizabeth II dies…as a true Queen.
England holds Lacey like a lost child.
She fights to breathe.
“And so we are now in the Age of Wonder and Mystery.” Franni Franken.
“How so my dearest beautiful love? I shall fuck you tonight after fucking two women who are your lesser by far.” says Al Franken.
“I read Lacey‘s blog to get sex tips on how to arouse you and that seems like something she would say.” says Franni seriously.
Hanging By A Moment by Lifehouse plays.
“I think we should do World War III.” says Putin.
“I mean we could!” says Mr. Blue thinking he’s talking to the US.
“I mean we could!” says a US General thinking Mr. Blue is chilling with President Biden.
“I mean we could!!” says a Hollywood actress.
“So! You concede victory?” asks Putin.
And then thinking he’s talking to Lem Billings, who he then assumes is somehow gay and in love with him and very handsome… “I don’t know if I’m ready for that kind of commitment but if we can you know…just see how it goes. I’m just. I just kind of feel like maybe you’re not really my style. So I’m probably gonna have to snub you, but I bet you’re really good in bed and you’re taller than me…and I kind of like that role…so I’m just thinking that maybe maybe yes? Maybe within a year to a few years if you can convince me that you are my Prince Charming. Maybe then you can totally have me…and probably everything about me because I totally see us together. Like…in a way it makes complete sense.” says Mr. Blue.
“Where are the children being trafficked, Ukraine or Russia? Or rather what’s worse Ukraine or Russia, in that regard?” asks Lacey.
“Probably in Russia would have to be far worse obviously.” says Mr. Blue.
“That’s who wins.” says Lacey to Putin.
“Who’s worshiping God?” he says. “Not abusing kids.”
“Yes! Not molesting them.” says Lacey.
“There’s kids involved somewhere. That sounds like fun. Count me in.” says a U.S. General to Putin thinking he’s talking to Biden.
“Do you concede all of your power to the cross of Christ, the entire power of the entire country of the US for which you stand?” asks Putin in 2023.
“Yeah, where is the action?” says the US General.
“So the only way Ukraine can truly win is if it actually is better in regard to child hostage taking.” says Lacey.
“Right! So Ukraine can only win if they’re truly not en league with the Democrats to hurt kids or if Russia is not actually far worse?” asks Putin.
“Correct.” says Lem.
Clocks by Coldplay echoes into the Heavens.
“So you concede the victory to Russia if we’re in the right?” asks Putin of Biden.
“Let’s see. What are we talking about right now… Don’t tell me! Umm…yeah if you can sleep with Lacey or something and she consents then yeah I guess you win.” says Biden.
“Do you understand what I’m talking about?” asks Putin.
“Shush. Don’t ask him again. I tell you…that is the best deal you’re going to get so just take it and run away.” says Trump trying both angles.
“I don’t give a shit what you’re talking about! Just fuck that! …I’m exhausted, so yeah fuck go fuck just go fuck! Win, concede victory to yourself. I mean you’ve won already 1 million times probably in your head so I have no idea but I don’t wanna know! Just…you win! I don’t care if we’re talking about you, win you win.” said Biden in July of 2023.
“Hey Lem, let’s just dumb take things slow tonight.” says Mr. Blue.
“But Lem isn’t listening. It’s-it was Putin you were taking to not Lem.” says a Russian woman.
“So you’re trying to tell me that Putin is having a threesome with Jack and Lem.” says Mr. Blue.
“No. He’s not gay. Neither is Lem, probably.” says the Russian woman who has been suspected of being authentic in her psychic abilities for years.
“You’re Lacey.” says Mr. Blue. “Nice try.”
“No! I’m not.” says the psychic and psychologist in Russia.
“No! I’m Jackie Kennedy.” says the psychic.
“No! You’re too clear in my head. You’re not dead.” says Mr. Blue.
“I’m not Lacey.” she says.
“No?” asks the leader of a large white group that controls stuff in America.
“No, I’m not Lacey. I’m a Russian spy.” she says.
Vivaldi plays.
“No, you’re not a Russian spy. Why…if you were Russian spy, you know what I wouldn’t tell you?! Lots of dirty little state secrets that you won’t even understand anyway.” he says telepathically.
He then tells her all the secrets. She asks questions.
“Except we are our own country here in the Upper Midwest. There’s a border. You could draw the line right by Kansas City, so Kansas City on up to the Canadian border all the way east to the edge of Wisconsin right to the state line all the way west to Montana. And what’s included? Why, everything else. But we’ll discuss more but we are are…we are our own country.” says Louis. “I’m King Louis.”
“Ahh! Yes. I understand.” says Putin.
“I hope so.” says King Louis.
“Don’t worry!” says Putin. “I am your ally.”
“In Christ.” says Louis.
Putin nods.
“We’ll be fine!” says the American south to Louis.
“You mustn’t cause them harm. They’re good!” says Putin to Biden.
“Which county?” asks Franni Franken.
“Minesonsin.” says Louis. “St. Paul is the capital. It’s a Christian nation.”
“DFM!” a gang member yells.
Silence.
Silence.
Silence.
“So…we have a country that isn’t publicly acknowledged as a country within our country and there’s nothing we can legally do about it but spiritually we can you can spiritually attack you.“ says Joe Biden.
“We’re protected by the cross. Everywhere. We have 30 nuclear bombs located in strategic locations around the US. 100 in various locations around the world.” says King Louis.
“We’ll send our demons!” says Biden.
“They’ve been doing well as far as demons go in Hell.” says King Louis.
“So! Putin says he’s won.” says a U.S. General. “And he claims Minesonsin is his ally in the war against Green-Hart Nazis.”
“We are Green-Hart Nazis?” asks Mrs. Blue.
“Yes.” says Lem.
“I’m a Green-Hart Nazi?” says Franni Franken.
“Of course. You would’ve betrayed your husband in the Holocaust, right? Oh, here’s your chance to prove me right and enjoy yourself once and for alright? I know Erin conjured you even though you’re both allies to defend her honor and I also know that your husband is your plaything. You are a trophy, wife, and he just lies about it to feel good about himself because he’s extraordinarily insecure and he has a very fragile ego, and a very low self-esteem. Lacey accidentally found the Illuminati and that’s really all that happened on her end other than the fact that she thought he was in a dead marriage, and she had some feelings for him. …The truth is what you don’t want to have is a real conversation with her…so I’m going to have one because right now what’s being said on this blog is dangerous…except it’s not because if you kill her, it may be the end of the world. Literally. I am a real ghost. Be careful.” says Lem.
“So…this is this is all my fault not Lacey‘s when I got sent over to Papua New Guinea and I drowned an excruciating death or I was killed by the Asmats in a painful, terrifying way. I thought about the US and I thought, ‘If this country isn’t worth it, this is the stupidest way to die imaginable.’ I’m going to let your imagination fill in the rest.” says Micheal to Mr. Blue.
“So that conversation!” says Lem.
“Yes!” says Lacey.
“Why Mr. Blue?” he says.
“I thought he was a different person than who he is.” says Lacey.
“Who did you think he was?” asks Lem.
“I thought he was a very levelheaded, very calm, mild mannered, intelligent…sensitive…but sharp…cerebral but jocular…confident…outgoing…tender-hearted but extraordinarily tough…stoic…thoughtful man.” says Lacey.
“You really thought he was Michael. But he also looked like F. Scott Fitzgerald.” says Lem. “How tall?”
“5 ft. 11 or so.” says Lacey. “Tall but not too tall.”
“Like Michael.” says Lem.
“Yes!” says Lacey.
“Yeah.” says Al Franken.
Later.
“So you didn’t really love him as much as you thought?” asks Lem.
“No, I was in love with someone who doesn’t exist because there is no one that I’m aware of anywhere who actually looks like Mr. Blue, but has the personality of well basically, the soul and spirit of Michael with Mr. Blue’s looks. Actually I prefer Michael’s looks, but I didn’t know Michael existed at the time. I knew you existed. I thought you were gay but if I’d known you were straight and Michael existed – I didn’t know what Louis either – anyway, if I’d known all of you including Harold were available to me at some point, I would’ve still been in love with F. Scott Fitzgerald, but I probably would’ve had a different perspective on everything.” says Lacey.
“So you really weren’t in love with him as he actually is at all.” says Lem.
“I really doubt that I was in love with him almost at all which I’m sure makes it harder for his wife in a way because then it’s like he just hit on me…but in a way it’s better too because then it’s like there’s no way I’m ever going to take him from her so she doesn’t need to worry about that and honestly I don’t think he was really that in love with me at all so it’s not much of a threat.” says Lacey.
“So you never were in love him, you really were never in love with him?” asks Lem.
“No I was never in love with him possibly at all. I mean I try not to speak in absolutes too much if ever, there are very few absolutes. God is absolutely correct, pedophilia is absolutely wrong…but no I cannot absolutely guarantee that I wasn’t in love with him at all, but I think it’s very possible.” says Lacey.
“So you don’t think you were in love with him. At all with Al Franken?” says Lem.
“No. Not at all.” says Lacey.
Keen to Cross the Pond 