Hateful, Non?

Turns out Al Franken is a bourgeois prude. Not a prude in the traditionally and commonly used sense of the word prude which references sex, but in an intellectual sense. Prudery isn’t about sex at its core but a shrieking disdain for the atypical or disjointed or unkempt or…terrifying.

“Terrifying!?” he asks in a stuffy huff. He’s trying to indicate that he’s most concerned about the inappropriate use of the word terrifying.

“Unkempt?!?” he asked before.

The liberal They LOVE to use nitpicking and disdain in regard to American English to psychologically control people not in their group.

“If Lacey is a Scottish aristocrat in the eyes of God, this may be extraordinarily aggravating to her.” says a psychologist in the Illuminati.

“Why?!” asks Casi.

“It’s irritating to her because she feels violently controlled by slobs.” says Lem.

“That’s interesting.” says Mr. Blue in an ignorant, hateful panty-twist. He’s attempting to be condescending.

“Why don’t you like our English?” asks Al Franken.

“Are you being serious?” asks Lacey.

A native French woman controls her laughter.

“Lacey had planned to write a blog post about the French woman in regard to class.” says Lem. “Let’s delve into that very quickly.”

Silence.

“Lacey was her friend, seemingly, until she had a very confusing conversation with Lacey. She had just lost her job and as a 40 to 50 something year old woman with two kids she was scared about her future. …Lacey had heard her parents were still alive. Back in France. …And after she asked Lacey for leads to find a new job Lacey, feeling panicked for her, asked if she would ever consider moving back to France.” says Lem. “She balked at this. She seemed…livid.”

“And I have no idea why.” says Lacey.

“We’re wondering if they were poor.” says Al Franken.

“No! I mean…maybe? But…I doubt it!” says Lacey.

Silence in the Illuminati.

Deep…idiotic silence.

“Why can’t one of you provide insight? I know you can hear us.” says Louis.

Silence.

“Because I grew-up poor.” says Casi.

“What in the world…does that have to do with this conversation?!” says Lacey.

She laughs at Lacey and then stops.

“Why can’t you wear Chanel No. 5 vintage in replacement for Chanel No. 22?” asks Casi.

“That’s too dumb a question to respond to. You asked so many revoltingly stupid questions.” Lacey smiles. “And I always tried to be kind and give you the benefit-of-the-doubt. But you just took my kindness the wrong way, every time! So this time I’m going to remain silent. I wish you well.”

“Why is it revolting?” asks a perfume hater from Alabama.

“If it wasn’t a revolting question I wouldn’t call it a revolting question. …But I called it a revolting question. And when something is revolting…it’s abhorrent to even think about at all, potentially. I do not have the patience to dissect that conversation with anyone right now.” says Lacey. It was a challenge to get those words out.

“Why use the word literal?” asks Al Franken.

“Why use the word why?” asks Lacey. “People overuse the word the?”

“Because the isn’t easily replaced.” says Al Franken.

“Neither is literally in many cases.” says Lacey. “I think liberals hate the words: actually, truly, literally, exactly and verbatim because they’re psychotic, narcissistic liars in many cases.” says Lacey. “And in Millennial female discourse they mock the use of those words to destroy female character and the validity of their claims and overall perspective in general.”

“Yeah, I would agree with that.” says Casi.

“You sound just slightly different.” says Al Franken.

“Not that different. But I’m slowing down my thoughts to try to make more sense to my readers. I’m usually extremely impatient.” says Lacey.

“What-ever!” says a hateful man.

“No, no!” says Lacey. “I’m for real, yo!” She thinks. “This be legit, fo sure!” She thinks.

“Eww!” says a black woman.

“You’re saying ‘Eww’ because it’s offensive to you that I would assume you’d find it offensive.” says Lacey. “That’s…possibly obnoxious.”

“What’s wrong with American English?” asks Al Franken.

“Why can’t you see how annoying you are?!?” asks Lem. “You don’t even answer her questions out of morbid fear of your overbearing, demanding wife…and then you expect her to answer that.” He thinks. “It’s a good question though!”

“What is a good replacement for Chanel No. 22?!” asks a perfume hater.

“Nothing!” says Lacey sadly and quasi-perfunctorily.

“Why say ‘nothing?!’” says Casi.

“Actually, why not?” says Lacey. “Why bother?”

“Why bother being more exact?” asks Mary Tyler Moore.

“Yes, that’s correct.” says Lacey, warmly.

The Real Slim Shady by Eminem plays.

“I love Eminem. So does Lacey.” says Michael Rockefeller.

“He’s homosexual!” says Al Franken.

The song plays.

“It’s gross that you like to have your head scratched!” says Al Franken trying to be mean.

“Was that a response to me telling you how much pain I’ve been psychologically? Is that is that your response? To just bully me?” asks Lacey.

“You’re bullying me!!!” yells Al Franken.

“No I’m wiping your ass with your own fucking shit you little liar.” says Lacey.

Al Franken walks off in a huff with his wife who plays herself off as extremely-beautiful-and-dumb…as per usual. Well…extremely-beautiful-and-dumb-and-sad-and-romantically-tragic.

“Actually, I find you obnoxious!” says Jackie O. about Franni. She turns to Lacey, “She really is extremely annoying.” says Jackie Kennedy about Franni Franken.

“That’s not real!” yells Ethel at Lacey’s blog. “Jackie would never say that!!!” She wheels herself off in a flurry and scowl. “I knew her!!!”

The song restarts.

Illuminati tries to disassemble the spiritual victory for Christ in the song, out of sheer intimidation, and their Satanism and pathetic defeat.

“Oh you’re intimidated!!?!?” an idiotic narcissist in the Illuminati tries to convince her that she’s the intimidated one.

“No! We’ve been through this for years. …She’s just fighting.” says Michael. “She’s not intimidated.”

“Quick question. That sex magic from kids? What’s it do, Lacey?” asks Ken Burns.

“I can tell you!! You won’t like it!” says Lacey.

Ken Burns laughs.

“It’s…a lie.” says Lacey.

And at that a demon that the Illuminati uses to try to talk to Lem unveils himself to Lacey as a demon and not Lem. The entity that Lacey has been possibly told by God is actually Lem remains.

“What kind of lie?” asks a Rockefeller.

“It’s not real sex.” says Lacey. “It’s real molestation. Kids never truly enjoy being molested. Ever.”

“It’s worse.” says a bimbo, bless her heart.

“Worse than what?!” asks Lem.

“Worse than you!” says the bimbo.

“I have to stretch my brain to figure out what you’re talking about. That’s very annoying. That being said…I think you mean…that I’m bad in bed. …I’m not!! …But it’s rude, gross, and incredibly bitchy and arrogant that you’d assume that you have any chance with me. I find you to be a mildly attractive at best, toad-woman. You’re a bitchy, disgusting, sack of blood and bones with a stinky vagina compared to Lacey and actually most women in my generation. …I bet you’re hairless, with thin hips…even if they’re HUGE.”

“He’s not being allowed to kill you. But he’s like to. You’re trying to rape him.” says Jackie Kennedy about Lem. “Men try to reject women like you but you don’t cognitively understand or…are you rarely rejected today?”

“Sorry! Don’t kill yourself! Just…back-off.” says Lem, trying to be kind.

“No! I’m just trying to come onto you. Al Franken told me to.” says a black adult sex slave.

“Okay. But Lem doesn’t want sex with anyone but Lacey.” says Elliott Roosevelt.

“I’m not fucking him right now?” ask three women in the Illuminati.

Al Franken unveils himself as a genuine insecure prick. He laughs.

“You’re dwarf size.” says Lacey. “I get your insecurity. Or is that not why?”

“No!! You’re no where near me.” says Lem. “And I fully anticipated this. You now have murder in your heart for Lacey. Because you’re psychotically fixated on Lacey.”

Walk In The Park by Beach House plays.

“Are those prostitutes okay?!” asks Lacey. “Or I’m sorry, adult sex slaves.”

“I’m sorry, but she’s serious. Are they okay?” asks Michael.

“No!! Our lives are Hell!! We are older child hostages. Or…we’re troubled people. Or etc..” they say. “We rarely consider suicide. But…I get why you like it.”

“Where do you think you’d go?” asks Lacey.

She cries. “Hopefully Heaven.” she says. “I need to pray more.”

“Or just ask for forgiveness for whatever it is you’re doing or have done that’s evil.” says Lacey.

“But it’s admirable you try to live.” says Lem.

“No…I get it. You don’t want us in that way. Maybe as non-sexual, non-romantic friends in Heaven.” says one of them.

“A brother-in-Christ.” says Lem.

“I’m in Texas.” she says.

“I’ll pray for you!!” says Lacey sincerely.

Lacey and Lem imagine Al Franken flying to Texas in 2008.

He’s a newly elected US Senator.

…

“That woman should be allowed to say where she is or the Illuminati has just turned entirely into a psychopathic bitch organization and that’s it, you have no power, you have no influence, you have nothing more than psychopathic bitch powers if you won’t let her just say where she lives in peace.” says Louis. “You’ll be stripped of power.”

“I’m working on it right now.” says Satan. “I’m tired of babysitting the current adult Illuminati. …I can’t tell you to worship Christ. But Scott Fitzgerald wishes I could.”

“You can’t tell us not to worship you for legal reasons?!?” asks Jonah Hill.

“In a sense…possibly?” says Ernest Hemingway. “He’s Satan. He can’t let himself say it.”

“But he’d like to?!” asks Jonah Hill laughing.

“I think so. But they can’t respond necessarily.” says Lacey.

“Because he sort of knows he’s a lying freak!?” says Jonah Hill.

“He might.” says Lacey. “On a certain level?”

“You seem slightly unsure of that!!” yells Ethel accusingly.

“I’m being sadistically spiritually attacked right now, Ethel. It’s distracting. And I want to get it right in how I’m explaining it to you.” says Lacey.

“You’re a sex hostage too!” yells Ethel.

“No! That’s your dream. To hold an American old money lady hostage and shit in her face.” says Bobby Kennedy Sr.. “What if I’m sleeping with Mary now?”

“Mary who?!!” asks Jonah Hill.

“Mary Kennedy.” he says. “She looks like Jackie but she’s hotter.”

“She’s my daughter!” says Ethel.

“She’s not my daughter. …She’s not your daughter either.” he says. “Stop being so evil. You aren’t the Queen of Heaven, Ethel.”

“You’re saying Mary the Mother of God is evil?” asks Franni Franken.

“No!” says Bobby. “And actually, molesting kids is your radium painted teeth.” He thinks. “Or radium elixir. …You’re rotting out the bones you had, if you ever had any.”

…

Al Franken is a newly elected US Senator from Minnesota. It’s 2008.

He is informed that he should travel to Texas. Once there the leader of a brothel…explains that he is expected to have sex…with a woman.

“She’s a sexual entity used in sex magic in the Illuminati.” they explain to Al Franken.

To The Moon by JNR CHOI plays.

And so…Senator Al…has to have sex. He begrudgingly does.

Begrudgingly.

“If I am a reincarnated British aristocrat, she worried I would have to do the same thing at some point and I refused. Is that why the English killed me? No, I really would’ve died in a trench in World War I, as you heard the other night. Did you remember that or not? We don’t know.” says Lem Billings.

About The Weather by Tom Rosenthal plays.

Apparently Al Franken both admired Lacey and hated her by suggesting About The Weather by Tom Rosenthal.

“Why About The Weather by Tom Rosenthal plays? What’s that?!?” scoffs Al Franken.

Lacey sighs in exasperation. “Did you hear the song or just count it?”

He thinks.

“You counted it. You silly Jew?” says Lacey, teasingly.

“That is a complex joke.” says Jonah Hill.

Lacey laughs.

“I get the sense that the Barbie song by Billie Eilish was slightly supposed to reach out to me. Whoever did that estimation of me must’ve thought I was sexy. I find it repulsive to think that would have any connection to me at all in anyone’s mind but I take the compliment. Actually it’s not a compliment. I I take the tiny shred of someone seeing reality as a hopeful sign.” says Lacey.

“I take it you would never marry a black man in Haiti because you’d be terrified that he’d accidentally sell you into a hostage situation where the retaliating gang would try to get at you…and the truth is you’re right. Never put yourself in that situation! And that’s why Al Franken hates you because you’re not just some white woman from Minnesota, who has a savior complex or some uneducated buffoon like Kate, who thinks that spreading her legs magically make someone fall in love with her forever and ever like Franni does too, but only when she wants them to.” says David Rockefeller.

“That’s why you guys hurt these innocent people isn’t it? It’s because you really are genuinely uneducated buffoons…and you can’t figure out how…and it scares you and you should be scared. You’re trailer trash to some degree. I’m not and they’re not in the same way either. Go figure that one out, it’s fascinating…or I will.” says Lacey.

“Do you know if she’s right? I don’t think there is a Latino woman alive who would just volunteer to go to Haiti that I know of to just help. Not that not that that’s a good thing entirely…because they clearly do need help but they would never do that to themselves or their children because they do know as Lacey does that it’s not safe. That country is in horrible shape. I mean it’s terrible. It’s an embarrassment to even be saying this right now because in a sense they’re a very historic, heroic country by virtue of being founded by slaves, but it has become a human cesspool, and it makes Black people look like subhuman pieces of garbage.” says Rachel Maddow.

“And people who are proud of that country probably need to be more careful because it’s not impressive the way that they want it to be.” says David Ricardo. “It’s no shame being poor unless you’re evil poor. Haiti has become an evil poor nation, let’s not lie.”

“Haiti will never save the US. That’s possibly impossible. Don’t let that castrate you.” spits Lacey.

“The Jews are good at getting money. And as a bank we respect that.” says a St. Paul credit union.

“The blacks are good at other things.” says Lacey. “If you’re making that insinuation.”

“I was!” says a dead banking president.

“Would you like me to tell you what they excel at?” asks Lacey.

He nods.

“Understanding things on a deep level.” says Lacey.

He looks intrigued.

“They’re brilliantly aware.” says Lacey. “Things Fall Apart by Chinua Achebe is one of the most profound and important books in human history.”

“You were very blessed to read it.” says the banking president.

“I was! If I’m reincarnated it was a life preserver psychologically.” says Lacey.

“How?!” asks an Englishman.

“Because it’s all that needs to be said. ‘Things fall part.’” says Lacey.

Time Traveller by M. I. A. plays.

“Lacey’s not a pedophile. You just want her to be that because you grew-up poor.” says David Anthony Kennedy, son of Bobby Kennedy, to Mr. Blue.

“There are some hideous old money perverts but they’re not all like that.” says Lacey.

Ethel rolls her eyes at Bobby for his ludicrous comment about Mary earlier. Then she freaks out…somewhat. Truly…it’s unclear how much she’s contemplated eternity.