What Was The Joke

“The joke was that it was stupid for me to imagine Mr. Blue could fancy me genuinely at all. Wasn’t it?” asks Lacey.

“Yes! See…you can be ugly or have shit teeth. Or be a heartless, idiotic, gold digging slut and be adored by men. But…you have to marry young enough in your adult life and hook the men.” says Al Franken. “My wife Franni is troubling but she’s perfect. I imagine some women can be like that though.”

“No!! The joke was that you were an idiot to think the mistresses of Mr. Blue were actually his mistresses.” says Erin.

“And the misters.” says a man Mr. Blue dated.

“But you told me that before I was going to sext using his code. And I’d seen you all do that with him many times. …If it was just a joke…you wouldn’t have gotten so upset. It made no sense to me.” says Lacey. “I partially did it just because you insulted my intelligence and character just to be rebellious.”

Silence.

“So…what do you think it was?” asks an actress from And Just Like That.

“Just some sex ritual used to perform magic in the Illuminati.” says Lacey. “Except I think you all meant it with each other as well.”

“You know she’s not prettier than you, right?!” says a living man to Erin.

“Except that’s absurd. She is.” says a movie star.

“Fine! But she’s still something inferior.” he says.

“No. She’s not. Not to you necessarily either.” he says.

They act awkward. They’re hoping you think Lacey is schizophrenic.

“It wasn’t my fault!!” says Mr. Blue.

“But you initiated all sexual interactions.” says Lacey.

“How seriously were you taking them?” asks a man from New York.

“Extremely seriously, and not seriously at all.” says Lacey.

“We thought you were going to be heartbroken.” says Erin.

“And that you were an idiot.” says another woman.

“And that you were a violent creep bunny boiler.” says another woman.

“Those were all insane, insecure accusations…not at all based in reality.” says Lacey. “But you took them as near fact.”

“Why didn’t you take it seriously?” asks Al Franken.

“Because men ‘today’ are worthless pieces of shit. Or have been in my generation. In regard to how they treat women. There are rare exceptions but most men alive over age 28 and under age 90 are vile. Sorry.

Secondly, I was suspicious.” says Lacey.

“We don’t know what to do.” says Al Franken.

“Why don’t you all just kill yourselves?” asks Lacey thoughtfully.

“That’s an asinine response to what she just said!” yells a Scot.

“You all woke her up this morning to remind her of the line from the latest And Just Like That where Seema talks about her great loves being at zero. Lacey is zero too. And she can’t ‘live with that.’” says Michael Rockefeller.

“Oh please! They’re trying to help, Michael. Only a batshit woman who eats plastic marbles could want romantic love in life as much as I do. A decent, normal woman would get over it!!” says Lacey sarcastically.

“What is romantic love?” stupidly asks a metrosexual asshole male.

“Hopefully you’ll figure it out someday.” says Lacey kindly but condescendingly.

“That’s really all you were looking for. But you observed a great deal anyway.” says Christopher Plummer. “Love, I mean. You were just looking for love.”

“Of course. That should have been glaringly obvious over five years ago!” says Lacey exasperated.

“Okay. Umm…we’re at a loss!” says the They defiantly of truth.

“Really?! You caused this all with your willful, ignorant hate.” says Thomas Banks.

“Why do you never believe her???” asks an actress.

“Because she just coughed.” says Mr. Blue. “I just her cough and that was my sign from Satan that she’s lying.”

Cosmic Love by Florence & The Machine plays.

“Why can’t any of you believe life is that bad for some people?” asks Louis. “You’re all insane.”

“Because she’s so pretty.” says an actress. “She’s ugly intimidating, to talk to.”

“Yeah. Maybe you should jump off a cliff?!” asks Lacey mockingly but lovingly.

“You all seem…perversely stupid.” says Lem.

“She’s not flawed.” says Margy. “She had two clubbed feet and an abnormally straight spine.” She thinks. “She’s also unusually intelligent.” She thinks more. “Her feet are fine.”

The actress who Lacey sarcastically told to jump off a cliff acts like she’s going to jump off a cliff. “I was mocking you. I was being sarcastic.” says Lacey. “Well close to sarcasm. I thought you’d get the point.”

Men In Black by Johnny Cash plays to mock Lacey.

“Yeah. You jumped to conclusions. You don’t understand how she was mocking you.” says the CIA.

“That’s nonsense! She’s just an idiot!” insists Mr. Blue.

“You have no idea what you’re talking about!” says the CIA.

“No!! You really don’t!!” double insists the CIA.

Sinead O’Connor gets Lacey’s joke. “She’s calling that actress a fake.”

“That’s heartless!” spits the wrinkled, bitchy, pretentious actress.

“That last episode was weird.” says Sinead. “You made far too many dysfunctional jokes at her expense. It got pathetic. They weren’t even reasonable.”

“You seem to feel sorry for yourself. To a gross degree.” says Lacey to the actress. “And I was telling you jump off a cliff flippantly to call your narcissistic bluff. The idea is not to kill yourself if you’re not seriously that depressed.”

“Not seriously gay?” asks a cool-kid.

“Oh? Because she just insultingly came on to me?” asks Lacey, exasperated but trying. “That felt fake too.”

“It was fake.” says the metrosexual asshole cool-kid with feminine features and a scrawny, disappointing body. He wears tight pants and tap dances like Britney’s cock toy from 2001?

“Justin Timberlake was not my dildo!” says Britney Spears.

“Please! Most men alive are just mindless dildos by choice.” says Lacey. “It’s like nails on a chalkboard to hear their idiotic wailing.”

Michael Rockefeller laughs at Mr. Blue.

“So we’re not hurting you anymore?” asks Justin Timberlake.

“No. Only because you’re supposed to be men and you aren’t at all?” says Lacey.

“She’s just being abrasively honest.” says Michael.

bitches broken hearts by Billie Eilish plays because dildos (my choice) be delusional.

“Sweetie…it’s impossible to love you.” says Lacey to Al Franken and Mr. Blue. “I’m not queer. You’re just…worse than boring. You’re useless. …Not to God. But to me as a woman.”

“Only an evil whore would talk so honestly and openly about sex!” says the They in the Illuminati. They’re all peasants in the Illuminati.

Louis laughs. “You all are just essentially dildos.” says Louis.

“I’m ready to blow-up my family. I’m getting exasperated beyond belief.” says Lem.

“Why do you all obsess over simplicity?” asks Tom Brokaw’s father. “She says something meaningful and then you pervert it or willfully ignore her meaning.”

“Because I’m a fairy princess!” says Mr. Blue sincerely in his spirit.

“And I’m a hero!” says the actresses from And Just Like That.

“We make magic!!” says the director of And Just Like That.

“And he doesn’t mean sex magic? Correct?” asks Lacey.

“Correct.” says Tom Brokaw’s father.

“You’re so obnoxious! And hateful!” Lacey says to the actress who plays Seema. “You keep talking to me like you’re my mother.”

“I care about your pain.” says the actress.

“Yeah right! You feel forced to. You don’t care in any meaningful way at all, probably.” says Lacey. “It’s vile. It’s incredibly disrespectful!”

“So you need our help, but don’t want our abuse.” says Sarah from the shoe-store-in-Manhattan show.

“We’re just like people in the 1950’s. You just don’t understand!” says another actress from the show.

“No! You’re not.” says Lem.

“Yeah. Whatever!” says the actress who plays Miranda.

“He was there!” yells Lacey.

“I was too!” says a Boomer.

“AS A CHILD!!” yells Lem.

“We’re dumbing ourselves down to relate to you!” Mr. Blue says to Lacey.

“Could you try being just a little smarter?” asks Michael.

“Don’t mock me! I’m sure you’re being mean now. And all we’ve done is be nice.” says Mr. Blue sincerely.

“Trying to kill her isn’t nice.” says the FBI.

“We haven’t done that?” says Mr. Blue.

“Yes! You have!” says the CIA.

“Well we couldn’t break her.” says Mr. Blue.

“Her father is Tom! He’s like a cheap ass Tony Soprano!” says a fat man in management at MSNBC.

MSNBC tap dances on stage. The entire American media does. Wearing glitter, spandex and cheap cotton shirts. It looks like Family Guy. Constantly. The opening to Family Guy.

A&W by Lana Del Rey plays as their theme song. For no logical reason.

“That song doesn’t make sense as your theme song.” says Lem.

“Does being so mean to her killers help her psychologically to be happier?” asks Al Franken sincerely and idiotically.

“In regard to sex?” asks Lem.

“Yeah!” says Al Franken.

“No!! We’ve just moved on in the conversation.” says Lem.

“Why are you all pretending to care?!” asks the CIA to MSNBC and their friends.

“Because we do in a way!” says Mr. Blue in a sing song way on their behalf.

“That’s absurd.” says the CIA.

“Why even watch And Just Like That?!” asks Franni.

“Because it’s still entertaining!” yells Lem. “You’ve limited her life to an astronomical degree. It’s sick!”

“We just don’t care!” says Sarah.

“Why?!” asks Michael.

“Because we get high!” she says.

“Off pedophilic monsters?” asks God?

“Pizza parties!” says Jennifer Aniston eating glue.

“Why?” asks the CIA. “What the fuck are you feeling?”

“It’s like nothing.” says Sarah.

“No. It’s not. Explain!” says the CIA.

“More like CUS it or CIS!” says Mr. Blue in defiance of the supposedly evil CIA.

“CUS?” asks the CIA.

“Yeah! Like cussing.” says Mr. Blue jumping around.

“Do I swear?” the CIA operative asks.

“Ahhh…umm…yeah?” says Mr. Blue.

“No. I don’t. What the fuck are you talking about?” asks the CIA.

“It’s a joke!!” says Mr. Blue.

“What is the joke?” asks the CIA.

Mr. Blue gets pissed off.

“Am I too smart for you to handle?” asks the CIA.

“No! I’m a genius.” says Mr. Blue. “My IQ is 180.”

“Then what’s the joke?” asks the CIA.

“That your funny!” says Mr. Blue.

“No. What’s the joke?” asks the CIA.

“That you swear.” says Mr. Blue.

“But I don’t swear that much!” says the CIA operative. “That’s a bad joke.”

Mr. Blue struggles not to explode from narcissistic rage.

“Where’s the Baroness?” asks the CIA.

“Isn’t she sucking your cock?” asks Mr. Blue.

“No. She should suck mine though.” says Lem. “You all have been keeping her from me for over a week now. Going on and on. Why??”

“I bet her father heard that!” says a colleague of Mr. Blue’s.

“No. I didn’t.” says Tom Banks.

“Eww!” says Mr. Blue.

“No! He just said he didn’t hear!” says Casi.

“What?!” asks Mr. Blue.

“Do you ever hear anything?” asks Casi.

“Yeah!! Duh!” says Mr. Blue.

“What?!” asks Casi.

“What?!” asks Mr. Blue.

“What?” asks Casi.

“Oh wow. We’re hilarious!” says Mr. Blue.

“Are you two brilliant in a way or secretly idiotic?” asks Lacey.

“What did you think of my work?” asks Mr. Blue.

“Don’t answer that!” says the CIA.

“Okay!” says Lem. “She should be able to.”

“Oh come on, let her answer!” says Robert DeNiro.

Mr. Blue gets uncomfortable.

“We suspect you’re misunderstanding her kindness the sane way you’re molesting kids. Either intentionally or unintentionally. It barely matters.” says the CIA.

“Oh! Wow! She’s an energy source for your cult.” says the CIA.

“Like in The Shining.” says Stanley Kubrick.

“If that’s real…how does it actually benefit them?” asks Lacey. “That seems like a lie.”

“Because they attach themselves to you.” says a demon.

Tainted Love by Milky Chance plays.

“They’re feasting off my soul?” asks Lacey.

“Yes!” says the demon.

“But those kids have souls. So do I.” says Lacey.

“Yeah. Whatever. They don’t understand.” says the demon.

“What do they think a soul is?” asks Lacey.

The demon runs off. They don’t want to explain more.

“That’s in your soul!” says the Illuminati. They throw a deep depression on her. It’s a literally mind-numbing depression.

“That’s not her soul.” says the CIA.

“It’s not mine!” says Mr. Blue.

“No, it might be.” says the CIA. “Is that her actual soul or what you imagined?”

“What we imagined.” says an actor.

“Love isn’t a game at all to her.” says the actress who plays Seema.

“How is love a game at all?” asks Lem seriously.

“Oh come on! You know!” says a gay man to Lem. “Everyone is Irish on St. Patrick’s Day and all men are one kiss away from being gay.”

“I supposedly professed love to Jack Kennedy. and had a room in the Kennedy White House. And I’m not gay.” says Lem. “At all.”

“What scares me…is that you all are essentially acting like mindless zombies.” says the CIA to the They in the Illuminati.

“Umm…yeah. You’re feasting off her soul. But what’s in her soul for real?” asks Lem.

“I just came on to you.” says the gay man to Lem.

“Yeah! It was fun. I threw a demon of sickness on you instead, you piece of worthless shit.” says Lem laughing violently at him. “It’s just all just a joke right? Hotshot. Right? I’m not being honest! I don’t want to strangle all gay men to death slowly! Or throw their disgusting bodies into frozen rivers. Or give them monkey pox in Bobby’s honor because he was like a monkey and I wanted to kill him. Oh no! I was gay! …That last sentence was sarcastic.” says Lem. “I might HATE all of you on a certain level. Because you destroyed my mind and my life, if I was straight. And you STILL are trying to feast like vultures off my beaten soul as a teenager.”

A wave of ENORMOUS denial in the gay community rises up and the They in the Illuminati cheer.

What’s in Lacey’s soul?

“Do they castrate your words in this country?” asks the CIA of Lem.

“Yes. When she speaks into her phone, it’s far easier for me to be myself when she writes my words get destroyed by the demons that attacked me when I was alive.” says Lem.

“No it’s like they’re literally castrating your words even though I can hear what you mean. It sounds like you’re being suffocated.” says the CIA.

“Yes, and you’re starting to do it to me right now. I think you’re really after Lacey and her vagina and you have to castrate me first to get to her and then when you get there you don’t even want her anymore. And then you end up just taking out your rage on her. It’s very complex spiritually, but I actually think what I just said might be possible in a way.” says Lem.

“No I can’t stand it she’s too hateful let’s kill her!” says the Latino community.

“We weren’t even talking to any of you. She wasn’t even thinking about any of you!” says the CIA.

“I read her as hating Nancy and other Latino women. She wasn’t thinking about us at all!?” asks a Latino psychic.

“No, and you’re assuming I am Latino. My sympathies are not with you. She wasn’t thinking about any of you and you’re just jealous of her.” says CIA.

“You were thinking about her!” yells the FBI.

“Fine I am jealous. When do I get to be her? I’m tired of waiting.” says a Latino woman.

“Why do you think you’re allowed or required or totally right to assume that you get to be her?” asks the CIA.

“Because in America, we all have a chance to be a princess.” says the Latino community.

“Within 100 years within 30 years how long?” asks Michael.

“Yeah. It’s not easy.” says the Latino woman.

“It’s the climate!” says Lacey.

“Yeah, ok. South America is never as cold in the same way as Alaska or even Minnesota, maybe.” says a South American.

“Mr. Blue is like a teen heartthrob and Lacey is like a teenager.” says Erin to please Mr. Blue but in defiance of reality.

“So let’s see what’s actually in Lacey’s soul!” says Lem. “And no. Lacey is 40. She was 33 or so when you found her.”

“1. Murder (not necessarily her as the culprit ever)

2. Destruction of evil

3. The glory of Great Britain

4. Beauty

Wait. Let’s start over. I’m going to just list the bad things you’ve created or manifested in the Illuminati by feasting off her soul like vampires or spiritual leeches.

1. The Covid pandemic

2. World War III

3. The potential annihilation of the US as a country for the glory of Great Britain

4. Failed US Presidencies. President Joe…who’s an Irish Catholic.”

Elliott Roosevelt laughs.

“5. An implosion near the Titanic. She’s not necessarily a fan of exploration of the deep ocean.

6. The Banking Industry in peril.

7. A return of Sex And The City

8. A good film version of The Great Gatsby

9. A passionate love for vintage and Art Deco

10. The real estate market collapse.” says Lem. “And that’s just a start. Some of that was retroactively applied.”

The CIA looks to Louis for help. They are startled to discover it’s effective.

“Louis how is this not evil?” asks a Catholic.

“How did her life get totally upended?” asks Louis. “We’ll talk in Heaven. In the meantime pray to Jesus for salvation and deliverance.”

More later.

“After watching Lacey be suffocated endlessly and fighting for her life arguing endlessly with them the CIA has realize that the Illuminati wants to kill Lacey and use her body as a sacrifice to Satan and that they have no intention of keeping her alive or trying to help her. Their only obsession is to kill her and use her as a sacrifice to their imaginary deity they call Satan. They molest the kids for Satan. They kill them and torture them for Satan. These people are the most bigoted, homophobic, ignorant, slutty, shitty humans to ever exist.” says the CIA. “She has repeatedly warned them, that if they kill her, which they may not even be able to do that it will be the end of the world. They’ve been trying to suffocate her, literally as they are as she writes this, for over almost a year. Actually it started after Queen Elizabeth II died.

They have fake rules. Like if she coughs it means that they are god. And if she farts it means that she’s the Devil and maybe they should worship her. These people are fucking idiots. They’re worse than the most backward fundamentalist Christians I’ve ever seen. They want her to die and end the world to have an argument, and they don’t seem to realize that if that happens they’ll end up in Hell or low levels of Purgatory, possibly for eternity or thousands of years.”

“I think that they’re probably bourgeois or like hicks is that correct?” asks Nancy.

“Yes, that’s 90% of the illuminati today. They are backward hicks who have a lot of money.” says CIA. “They are in capable of understanding that Lem wasn’t gay most likely. To them if you’re a poet or if you’re an artist or if you like interior decorating, it is unequivocal scientific proof that you’re gay. That’s really how stupid and backward they are.

We suspect that part of how they’re suffocating her is by literally getting high off of inhalants when they’re high on inhalants a lot of their delusional thinking either goes away or makes sense. Either way they feel better about everything when they’re high but then by living in that delusional bubble they’re also stealing her breath.”

“So Queen II was protecting her from all of that, and that doesn’t seem weird to them?” asks a Satanist not in the Illuminati.

“No it doesn’t seem weird to them. They make excuses for it. Bobby has theories that Lacey and Queen II were lesbians, other people think Lacey is just an ass-ducking-piece-of-shit and that the Queen was too. Some people think that they’re just old fucking retards and literally that’s the depth of their arguments, but they think it’s absolute unequivocal truth.” says the CIA.

Golden Light by STRFKR plays.

In accordance with their aesthetic, Mr. Blue rides around in a Pontiac Grand Am from 1992. They all do.

To them that car is the height of ALL sophistication for eternity. Anything more expensive is like farting but anything less expensive is like shitting a hard piece of shit. A 1992 Pontiac Grand Am is there sweet spot.

What perfume do they wear? House of Sillage. It looks cool and it smells good and it’s very expensive.

What do they want their faces to look like? Like men. Skinny, emaciated, possibly drug addicted Irishmen in the late 1950’s. Think a man dying of heroin in Dublin in 1955. On a sidewalk.

What do they eat? Basic bitch shit. Of course sometimes they buy pretentious stuff to seem cool but for the most part it’s just basic bitch shit. These people have very little sense of actual taste.

What do they wear? Charlie Brown’s castoffs. Every single one of them.

There are no women there are no men. No, they’re only shapes. Some people identify as a square, some people identify as a triangle and some people identify as a shapeless fart to be different.

Thanks to worshiping Satan they have become subhuman pieces of freak-shit who will eventually die and wish they never been born, potentially.

“No that can’t be true. Satan’s cool guys that can’t be true.” says a New Age guru. “I mean we can worship him because he doesn’t really exist. He’s more of an extension of our darker selves.”

“See I like that! That’s nice. Amen. Now I’m going to go smoke some pot.” says Rick Steves.

“Rick Steves why are you trying to kill Lacey?” asks a PBS viewer.

“Because it’s the Illuminati. I had to join it and I did and like Joyce Myers it made me feel like I’m special.” says Rick Steves.

“So like Joyce Myers, you grew-up poor to middle class, and you were gobsmacked to discover there is an Illuminati and you were impressed and they made you feel incredibly special probably decades ago, and now you’re in too deep?” asks the perfume hater.

“OK so Rihanna literally stole Lem’s voice to write the song Stay?!?” asks the CIA.

Suddenly Rhianna turns into an ape-like creature. She swings around the room, foaming at the mouth, nodding yes as her eyes roll back into her head.

“OK but like I was Rihanna, I was singing Rihanna’s song with her and umm…they stole Lem’s voice, because Lem let them.” says JFK.

“So you think that you’re Rhihanna?” asks Jana.

“Shut-up. We are so much alike. I mean it’s obvious, but we can talk about that later. It’s-It fascinates me too.” says JFK.

“Do you mean Jana or like you’re like Rihanna? Just to clarify. Because they’re going to use what you just said in their psychotic minds. So do you think that you were talking about Jana?” asks the CIA.

“I was talking about me being a mere spitting image of Rihanna when it comes to my vocal abilities and artistic genius, and certain features of my personality. I think in a way we’re both very misunderstood because we both have an edge that can either be taken like a sex god or a leader.” says JFK, sincerely.

“OK Jack, so you sing like Rihanna for real?” asks Jana.

“Don’t talk to me! I don’t like you! I think you’re evil! I think your children who are in Heaven don’t deserve to be there. I do.” says JFK.

“Can you take them out of Heaven or not?” asks the CIA.

“Ah…no, no I can’t. And maybe I would’ve liked to have died as a child and then Lem saved me and it is only due to my unfailing love for him that I have any grace or mercy for him and his bizarrely absent body…because I haven’t seen him since I died and it’s been a while and I’m just like super confused.” says JFK crying.

“I thought Lem’s was there!” says Jana and Hans Nesheim.

“Why didn’t you just give her a heart attack while she was hiking? Why, all this miserable suffering? It’s absurd! You people are not only evil, your psychotically sadistic and fixated.” says Osama Bin Laden to the truly evil among the Illuminati. “Your profound idiocy is more sadistic than you imagine.”

“I want to talk more to Jack about why he thinks he’s right. I know you know you love Kem but maybe Lemmers just was not gay. Like what if he just wasn’t gay and he got confused?” asks Jana in the future.

“Then fat women with ugly faces are just that. They’re only fat women with ugly faces. They have no special magic power coming out of their eyelashes and fingertips like I’ve told them they did in comparison to Lacey their whole lives. And you’re not a princess from old money. And you’re not as smart and beautiful as Lacey is either and see when she tells you that…then you come back to me…and I get to tell you about Lem’s.

I don’t know why Lem isn’t here. He was here for awhile I thought, but turns out that was just a demon fooling me into thinking he was Lem and now he’s gone. And I just want to get off because Lem helps me get off. See…it’s our special time and our special time revolves entirely around me and my penis and my needs…but that’s only because of how much Lem loves me. I am everything to him. I am like a God…and he worships me…and it’s amazing…and then I don’t have to pretend.

That I’m not gay.

See dad wants me to be gay now…and I don’t know what that even is. All I know is that I love lamp and he loves me…and we’re special and Jesus his eyes…according to the Pisco Palean church….so when I die I’m gonna go be a Miska Palean church member…and I’m going to love One. Lem, I mean. Forever and ever and ever and make him gayz.

Except if I ruined him from being handsomes. Teehee. …And then I won’t. No…then I’ll just be like me…but I’ll love him from the back row at the Episcopalian church and everyone will know that we’re in love secretly…because God thinks I’m more special than Lacey because I am Irish.” says JFK.

“Why are you talking like a child Jack?” asks Louis, thoroughly repulsed.

“Does that turn you on? I mean I know it does. I am so fucking sexy is on-believable.” jokes JFK in a polo and shorts as per usual

“You know just because your internal dialogue sounds like a 12 year old child. Who’s vain and stupid… Doesn’t mean that you’re actually a child jack.” says Sinead O’Connor.

“No he’s really just that evil and stupid Sinead. There isn’t a 12-year-old who sounds like that.” says Louis.

“Oh yeah Roseanne O’Connor?! Why…you’re nothing more than a fat ugly bitch. Cuz see I got you! Zing!” says JFK.

…

“No, I did not notice that Jack was trying to imitate Lacey except as a man. I didn’t notice that! She reminded me of Jack subconsciously until I started to realize that that was a tricky he played on me but no at the time I had no idea that he was impersonating her and that by saying that-I mean that I did, I didn’t fall in love with him. …I really didn’t. No…that’s been totally mischaracterized. I did notice her later.

I was never in love with him.

I may have loved him, but it was really in more of a long-suffering type of way. I was never in love with him! He wasn’t my everything, no that’s bullshit. And I never even noticed that he was impersonating my soulmate, I was that obtuse. I was that straight. I didn’t get it OK sorry.” says Lem.

“Say…I’ve heard some of that because we’re in the same realm and umm…I just can’t believe that because I did such a good impersonation of her as a guy and it was like what would Lacey think as a guy so. And then I’ll do this and that. I am a guy! I’m cool! And I maybe didn’t even know who I was impersonating but like I think I did a really good job impersonating her. I mean she wanted to be US President! I nailed that one. She’s kind of like the sensitive wallflower who just needs help? She just needs a little saving? I fainted. I mean I think I did a really good job” says JFK.

“But Jackson didn’t even notice?” asks Rush Limbaugh.

“You mean Lememmetis?” He giggles faintly. “I’m cute!! …I didn’t even notice! Oh no no I don’t know.

…I guess Lem didn’t notice I am sad so believe that I think I’m-I think I am-umm…I didn’t notice! Umm…and I don’t know that we really had sex at his farmhouse? Maybe once if ever maybe, but I liked that story where we were having it all the time, and the CIA couldn’t find us and neither could the Secret Service. I think that was an excellent story that I wrote and that’s very endearing that he wants to try to help me with my love life. Lemmers! But…but no I I am I-I just don’t get it you know! I mean…it’s like we had this great marriage that lasted for 50 years.”

Jack suddenly believes this wholeheartedly. He smiles fondly.

“I built him a house in Texas and then he ran off with the maid.” Jack weeps bitterly. “I just keep waiting for him to come back.” says JFK. “He was the governor of California. For years! …And we had four kids. I used a surrogate! And…then this damn Hispanic woman sucked his dick in our guest bathroom.”

“Is that in an alternate universe or is it in this one?” asks Jana.

“In this one! Our lives were on a TV show! Come on! Lemmers!! Lem! He slept with a maid. He slept with my maid. I caught him fucking her in my Louis Vuitton collection.” says JFK. “It was on television last week!”

…

“Jack tell us more about this fantastically, interesting life that you lead with Lem!” says Betty White.

“OK that’s weird that you haven’t seen. The TV shows! Dude there’s been multiple TV shows.” says JFK.

“I know because the Illuminati genuinely believes that Lacey is a peasant..and so they have the right to kill her. But sadistically because she’s like a mean peasant!! …So we were talking about that.” says Betty White.

“No, I mean I was very involved in charity organizations. There was the Central Park, Conservancy, and several others. Umm…I I never asked Lem to touch me. We had sex once in Paris for five seconds. I said Lem, ‘Lover…just hold my hand!’ and he held my hand and it was divine.” says JFK.

“Oh Jack, that is so fascinating. Where did you live again?” asks Betty White.

“I lived in Texas for 25 years, we lived in a house. It was like a ranch and my family can trace its roots back to George Washington.” says JFK.

“Go on!” says Betty White.

“Well first my son played for the North Stars. He he played for the Texas Rangers. But that was Anthony and then there was David who is a rockstar in Germany.” says JFK. “I was a famous artist and I use bright colors. There are 52 Kennedys, three of which are featured at the Met.”

“Oh my, Jack!” says Betty White.

“I have a dog named Patches. And he’s in the White House biting everybody…and I love lefsa and lutefisk and golden retrievers.” says JFK. “My favorite perfume is Paloma. No that’s not right it’s Peyote. Peyote 1924.”

“I liked Pavlova 1922.” says Betty White.

Loving You by Cannons plays.

Jack dances…high off his ass…and Chris and Wobbly conjure Lem. Or at least…they try to. Sorry. They try to.

But in reality, they seem to be conjuring buildings in New York City. At times Jack may have had a slight phallic fascination with various skyscrapers in New York City.

Lem isn’t talking to Jack. He’s actually fascinated by records in the Cincinnati Library.

But poor Jack thinks that the Twin Towers are Lem. He dances. Twerking.

Suddenly Jack Kennedy farts. Like King Kong he farts as he twerks with the Twin Towers on his birthday, in his mind, the morning of September 11th, 2001.

“Well oops I did it again I toyed with your heart that was just a fart, but you know if it penetrates you you might like it. It might make you blow your mind.” says JFK. “Oops I don’t think that works. …You seem weird. How about we try again, this time let’s use my penis into your belly button.” says JFK as King Kong.

“You guys conjured 9/11 this morning by trying to suffocate Lacey and tormenting my son yesterday. It had nothing to do with me. Those were your choices.” says Lem.

“Anyway, I am having fun on my honeymoon…I am in the Bahamas. I’m trying to figure out a way to cool off. If you could just keep blowing on me I would feel real good.“ says JFK.

…

“Why do you have to kill Lacey?” asks Louis.

“It’s a secret but we demand it.” says the evil in the Illuminati.

“That’s absurd. And somewhat implausible. You have to have a reason.” says Scott.

“OK well, I mean will think of one.” says SNL.

“You should already have one!” yells Scott Fitzgerald.

“I think a lot of us want to. Just because.” says Mr. Blue. “Satan told us to.”

“Satan told you to?!?” asks JFK. “No! That was me!!”

“No. It was Satan.” says ABC.

“No!!! It was ME!!!” yells JFK.

“Jack we’ll just suffocate her now!” says a starlet.

“No!!! IT WAS ME!!!” yells JFK.

“No!! It was Satan!!” says a billionaire

“If you kill her now…it’s bad.” says JFK. “You guys were supposed to kill her ten years ago.”

“That was impossible!” says Mark Nesheim.

“No!!!” whines JFK.

“If Jack tries to take her kids they’re mine.” says God. “Or anyone else.

“This is bad!!” says JFK.

A moment later.

“Why?!?” asks Christopher Walken.

More later.

That’s just I mean it’s just absurd fiction, right?” asks a celebrity from Schitts Creek.

“No! You’re trying to kill her in sadistic ways. And it’s ripping apart the universe.” says someone.

“Why does she matter?” asks the Illuminati.

“Ask God.” says Scott.

“Okay. Jack…what’s scarring ya?” asks Roseanne Barr.

“Oh nevermind! Geez! …It’s just…” says Jack. He pauses. “I can’t find Karrie.”

“Where?!” asks Roseanne.

“In the tree!” says Jack.

“What tree?!” asks Tom Arnold.

“The tree in my backyard. I always imagined Lem was hiding his lover in my life. If he really wasn’t, you know, that kind of boy.” says JFK. “I tried to tell you guys earlier that I was starting to suspect that Lem was straight.”

“Jack I think you might’ve caused 9/11.” says an actor.

“What is that again?” asks JFK.

“Twin Towers!” yells Sarah Jessica P

“Twin Towers?” asks JFK.

“Yeah! Look it up, Jack!” yells Chris Noth.

Later.

Jack stares in silence at the Illuminati. They shift around awkwardly in silence.

Silence.

“Well! I was high!” chirps Jack.

“I think, Wobbly, and Mr. Blue were trying to prove to you that Lem was gay or actually trying to prove to Lacey. Sorry. That Lem was gay.” says a psychic.

“I got Lacey and Jackie‘s deaths mixed up.” says JFK.

“We can! That’s fine! We can just give Lacey cancer in her 60’s Jack like no big deal.” says the Illuminati.

“Except Lacey‘s body is different than Jackie’s and she has Covid and she fell down the stairs. I don’t think Jackie or Inga were supposed to die of cancer. I think Inga was supposed to fall down the stairs…and I’m not convinced that Grace was supposed to drive off the cliff. I think maybe-No see I don’t even remember anymore. I had it all memorized and now I don’t even know.” says JFK. “I think Grace Kelly was supposed to die of bone cancer.”

“Jack how did you get in charge of all of that?” asks Roseanne.

“Well it’s easy to explain Lacey. I took Lem’s virginity, and at least I might have umm. Let’s just say that I did and I wasn’t supposed to because if-I mean, if you look at this way, homosexuality is just wrong…but if you look at it another way he just wasn’t for me. Oh my. God will have to sort that out with you but the point is I wasn’t probably supposed to be with him guys. I’m sorry to disappoint you.

So then I got us mixed-up and Jackie with Lacey so then that means that they were supposed to be together-So when I died, Jackie was supposed to die shortly after that. But you guys started attacking Lacey when she was about 33.

Yeah she that was around the age when I died. She was supposed to be dying in like her late 30’s, but she wanted to die after I died. She loved our kids but a part of her really just wanted to die, and it was misery for her to be alive for 15 years after my death. Every day was a struggle for her and the little that I really was in love with her and I did care about her because I did love her some…I really did…I was somewhat in love with her…I really just wanted her to die with me.

No, there were certain parts of Jackie that I was madly in love with.” says JFK.

“Are you gonna say what you just said?” asks the Illuminati.

“Someone has been cutting-off Lacey‘s ability to speak into her phone and this is one moment when those people might’ve wanted to hear what he had to say. I’ll be able to read it and they’re not gonna be able to know…and actually Jack is gone, racing off.” says King George.

“What are we supposed to do with her now?” asks a demon.

More later.

“OK so here’s the thing, Lacey may still have died in her 60’s or 70’s of cancer if you’d left her alone…because she would’ve just kept collecting perfume and she may have ended-up getting ovarian cancer or brain cancer and it would’ve spread very quickly. When Nancy first met Lacey she got cancer and it’s so weird because she feels like it ruined her life. Their finances were ruined. Her body was ruined. Her life has been awful ever since but the sad truth is if she didn’t have cancer when she first started following Lacey it’s possible by following Lacey, instead of ignoring her, she got cancer.” says Michael Rockefeller.

Ashes To Ashes by Warpaint plays.

“The good news for Nancy is that she seemingly got over cancer and that’s good. But if Nancy was trying to steal stuff from Lacey, I worry that that was the first thing that she accidentally stole from Lacey, was some sort of cancer date that she had with death.” says an actress from Schitts Creek.

“OK so Nancy survived. But would Lacey have survived?” asks Nancy’s Great Aunt.

“No she wouldn’t have. Lacey has a far more fragile, delicate frame, both internally and externally, than Nancy.” says Lem.

“If Lacey had cancer would her son have died?” asks a Rockefeller.

“Oh yes, he would’ve died. They both would’ve died.” says a Catholic.

The Swimmer by Max Richter plays.

“So you swam…how lovely! …Jack father of Caroline…did you kill your brother and your nephew…and are we suffocating Lacey right now because of you?” asks Wobbly in a sexy voice.

“What was that Bobby?” asks JFK.

“I was ah…I was asking you if you had killed my dad, oh my my father. Or did you kill me? Ha! I’m still alive. I wasis wondering…if you killed somebody.” says Wobbly again in a sexy voice.

“I would like to be able to tell you, but you’ve blocked off Lem so many times that I can’t explain very easily to you anymore. I’m sorry.” says JFK.

Later.

“You might need to move.” says Zelda.

“When?” asks Lacey.

“We’ll see!” says Scott.

More later.

“Lacey is not a backdrop person, it’s not a concept that’s possible. That being said the idea that there are some people who are not entirely living in their body, who are allies, but not meant to be interacted with is intriguing there are no backdrop people that really is not possible.

Humans are either humans or they’re not human, and Lacey is under the impression that people don’t really have a separate spirit and soul they have an essence, they have what the Indians would call and atman and that in a sense your spirit and soul are interconnected and that’s actually possibly just Christianity. And separating the spirit in the soul may actually not really be a Christian concept according to Lacey. The soul is probably really just our conscious mind, whereas our spirit is our subconscious? No that’s all the same being potentially it’s just all interconnected thoroughly after death but while you’re alive, it’s separate.

Regardless, Christianity is correct.

Is Lacey a backdrop person? No. That being said it’s worthwhile to discuss.

If I am a ghost, she became a backdrop person in a sense when she was about 27 years old 27, 28 years old. The night she got off a city bus and Saint Paul, Minnesota, and ran into F. Scott Fitzgerald’s ghost, and then looked up after hearing him laugh at her and saw that he was just a statue was the night she became a backdrop person. There are no backdrop people, but she had become so pushed out of the world of the living through perverse amounts of hatred and incredible violence against her that when she was 28, she was spiritually suffocated, in a sense, into death.

The father that raised her, spoke it over her. ‘You’re a facilitator!’ he used to say repeatedly whenever she’d ask ‘Dad what should I do with my life when I grow-up?’ You’re facilitator!’ he kept saying.

He didn’t break her spirit, he killed her spirit because she’s not breakable. So essentially, she just said, ‘Forget it!’ and died when she was in high school, and he mocked her for wanting to go to Vassar. Except she was still alive and she still is and that is not a concept the Illuminati actually understands. They think they do but they actually don’t. There are no backdrop people. That’s a narcissistic conceit.

She’s alive, but if there’s purgatory we’ll say, she’s somewhat in purgatory right now, and I don’t know how else to explain it. She got pushed out. She got pushed out. Pushed out. She got pushed out.” yells Lem.

“The truth is I had a hand in it. I may not have only messed up their death plan. I may have given Lacey the love that Jackie was supposed to be given when I told Lacey that she was like Jackie when she was a teenager.

So Lacey thought that she should wear boatneck T-shirts and capris and have bobbed dark hair. …Lacey has been dressing herself with the image in her mind that she’s like Jackie her entire life and it’s ruined her life because she thinks that that’s her frame and that’s not at all what she looks like. She’s Lem’s soulmate, and I should not have tried to do anything with her sexually or tell her that she looks like Jackie in a loving way at all.

The truth is she looks more like Marilyn Monroe. Or something else. I’m sorry if that’s hard for some people to hear, that she looks like Marilyn Monroe not Jackie. And she’s proof that that episode of Mad Men where they wanted to separate women into one camp or another was absolute sophomoric bullshit.” says JFK.

“Anyway, the point that I’m trying to make is that you don’t mess with people like her because God is keeping her alive for a reason because she’s very close to death all the time and was even when you first started talking to her.” says Lem

Lux Aeterna by Clint Mansell plays.

Edith Wharton bites down hard and draws blood not as a vampire but as a warrior for Christ.

“Are we trying to drown you like Michael? Please just a yes or no from him on that one please.” begs Wobbly who possibly sold his soul to Satan in 1966.

“It’s possible that Wobbly selling his soul to Satan combined with Lem’s lust and his longing for Lacey sexually is part of how she got drawn into death…because she’s a romantic at heart who is looking for true love, and he was longing for her. I was not satisfying any of his needs sexually or otherwise and so he was ready to have sex with her while he was alive and she was looking for her soulmate now…and so she got drawn into death…because the devil is dysfunctional and so he ended-up slightly killing her using Lem’s lust…but it really was not actually a positive thing to interact with her…so.” says JFK to the Illuminati.

“Jack, it is shocking to hear you say that you were not able to meet Lem’s needs. Because that is not something I expected to hear you say. I don’t know where you are or how God sees it but if that’s true, especially if he was straight, that’s that’s good that you see that that that didn’t work out if that’s real for you that you actually see that if that’s true.” says a psychic.

“The first time she took a picture of my statue my eyes were blue. She’s since lost the photograph but my irises literally turned blue in the photograph, and if you can kind of imagine it I’m actually looking right at her in this photograph. It’s far more creepy than you realize.” says F. Scott Fitzgerald.

“Jackie was lovely! But her body is different from Lacey’s body.” says Lem

“And Lacey looks more like Marilyn. We can’t upload a picture of Lacey on a swimsuit because that’s how it is at this point on her blog – no new pictures. But there is a marked difference between how Jackie‘s body and Marilyn’s and Lacey‘s bodies are shaped. So like Marilyn’s far more than Jackie is. Lacey is not as large chested is Marilyn, but they’re similar and it’s really unfortunate that I have to even say that publicly, but it has to be said.” says Lem

“So I told Lacey to dress like my wife when she is shaped like Marilyn and I didn’t know what I was doing because Lacey-as much as Marilyn was small too Lacey is smaller. When Lacey was in Ireland and she was at her lowest weight they told her that they’ve never had someone measure a ring size as small as hers, who was an adult at least not for a long time. So Marilyn was small-and it was unfortunate. Was it cruel on my part? Yes, I was trying to be cruel. And was a cruel to Lacey and Jackie both? Umm…yes in a way it was. I possibly have problems if there’s Purgatory. So…“ says JFK.

“This is still hiding her shape, but you can mildly see her shape here and the…and also Wobbly just found out that I am not the person he thinks I am? I hope. It seems there could easily be an Englishman, who looks like me who recently died, who is impersonating me to trick him into thinking I was gay…but he doesn’t want to admit that.” says Lem.

“Is Lacey struggling to breathe right now?” asks an actor.

“Yes, she is and I am very frustrated. Do you wanna explain why?!?” asks Lem.

“Because we just conjured up demons and started chanting somewhere in the Illuminati tell you that you needed sex like we literally were chanting to you, ‘You need sex, you need sex!’ and apparently if you struggle with lust, you heard that and you’ve now decided to try to suffocate her. An umm…I think it’s likely in the past when we’ve been doing that we have thought that we were trying to get you to fuck Jack…because we’re extremely self-righteous and we thought that you know that would work to sort of nudge you to screw Jack again and get back on course with the old team, but it turns out if you’re actually straight and possibly were straight or bisexual even and are bisexual now but really just prefer Lacey. We were really just tempting you to kill her. I’m sure we were trying to suffocate her ourselves in the process, so yeah I can only imagine it’s been extremely difficult to breathe at times. That’s amazing that she’s still alive possibly.” says Aiden.

“This is what Jack told her to wear essentially.” says Lem.

“That is not my son‘s handiwork. I cannot imagine he’d tell a woman to wear that.” says JP Kennedy.

“Jackie has a very elegant body shape and clothes look amazing on her. I like to have sex though Jack, like marital lovemaking and umm maybe you did as well but that’s where we’re different. I liked women, if I’m straight and was straight. I wanted a woman who is shaped like a woman. What do you want me to say? I’m sorry.” says Lem.

“Come on! Let’s pick apart Jackie’s body!” says Tom Ford.

“Fine!” says Lem.

“Alright! So we’ve waited now for a few minutes, I’ll start off. I don’t like her hips because they look like a man’s hips.” says Michael.

“I take it that you don’t like a nonbinary look?” says Oleg Cassini.

“No, don’t I mean they’re elegant. She’s an elegant shape like Lacey said. Yes that it’s very elegant but it it’s too masculine for my tastes.“ says Michael.

Later.

“Lem I know you were interrupted. What don’t you like about Jackie‘s body?” asks a gay man.

“It’s hard to talk about without struggling with lust for Lacey.” He shuts her door. “Her waist. Lacey’s waist-anyway Jackie’s waist is too wide. It’s-she has a wide waist. Her hips are not my thing, so to speak, but they’re not as unattractive as her waist. You know at times I would admire her and I I actually did have a slight crush on her very slight, but I did have a slight crush, but you know a lot of that was because of her eyes and to some degree her hair. And the coloring. I mean they were beautiful.

But she was very masculine looking. She had a flat stomach which was appealing in a way, but at the same time a little bit of a curve in the stomach like Lacey has…it’s kind of somehow-it’s sort of sexy. The reason why is because before Lacey had a very flat stomach. It was, I would say more curved than Jackie‘s and a lot of women today…but it was flat and curved at the same time. Now after having two children, there’s more of a curve and it’s not like she’s pregnant, but it changed after pregnancy. And I when I look at her stomach, I think, ‘I put a child there!’ and then I think of how I did it and that’s a nice thought. And then I think about how her body has adjusted and that that’s what I did to it. And it has nothing to do with the child at all. It’s just the thought of shaping her body with my desires for her and her body just changing at my touch that arouses me.

Jackie’s stomach never changed at least not that I’m aware of. It didn’t change.

It’s become a little more plump and so I would say maternal but to me it doesn’t look maternal because I am the one that changed it if that makes any sense? You know? And it’s just that I like curves OK? I like a rounder bottom and I like a rounder top, I like ah rounder faces, I like rounder lines on a woman and I don’t like men despite what Jack wants me to like and you too…because I can sense everyone listening is hoping that I am bisexual and it’s repulsive. I get it. I brought it on myself to some degree. But it just amazes me that you people being psychics are so stubborn.” says Lem.

“I don’t think Lacey has a tiny waist does she?” asks a Arab man.

“Are you asking for her measurements? I’m not gonna tell you her measurements that’s disgusting. I’ll put it this way though. She has a much smaller waist than you think and her clothes have never done her any favors in that way.” says Lem.

“OK into her her waist literally darts in like an hourglass but it’s in a way that’s not like sharp-to be honest I’m lying. I have looked at her pictures on Instagram. I mean yeah you’re right it looks like it is the curvier waist than most peoples. But is that really your thing though Lem?” asks Wobbly.

“Yes, that’s my thing. I mean I can talk about her body but it’s all creepy to do that with you, but no that is…that is my thing.” says Lem.

Moments later.

“Just to clarify, I am not aroused by the thought of a child in my my wife’s womb. I am aroused by the thought of putting the child there. And I should clarify that too now. I am aroused by the thought of putting it there through intercourse. I should probably clarify that. I am aroused by the thought of having sex with her and getting her pregnant because I wanna have sex with her because I’m aroused by her. Does that make sense? I I find her sexually arousing. And I want to fuck her except that’s not what I would call it because it’s such a crass way to put it but the idea is that I want to have sex with my wife…hopefully that makes sense. Good night.” says Lem.