Fraudulent

Lacey is under the opinion that Mr. Blue and the rest of the Bat Crew are nothing more than absolute liars. And so is Casi. And so are large swaths of the Illuminati.

For What It’s Worth by Buffalo Springfield plays.

The song is possibly perverse arrogance and innocent tragedy both.

There could’ve been a nuclear war in the 1960’s with the Soviet Union many times but it was always prevented and America believed that it was winning. But if you listen to the spiritual undertones-undertows of the song you hear today. And it was prevented, it was thwarted for decades. An actual real confrontation between Russia and the United States of America. Maybe the Soviet Union had to fall and maybe America had to realize what it was really fighting over before a real confrontation could actually take place.

I’ve Got A Woman by Ray Charles plays.

What are we fighting over?

It depends.

If Tsar Vladimir Putin is innocent…we’re fighting over God.

Before the Soviet Union fell the Russians had it all wrong. And the Americans had it right by comparison. Because the Americans fought on the side of Christ.

Oliver North brings Lacey a breath. So she can write her blog.

The Escape by Max Richter plays.

But…with the decay of Western Christianity in the 20th Century…America started to kill itself.

And we won the Cold War based on the faith of the early 20th Century and before…but lost the war with Russia…when we gave away Christ…to Russia.

And now as And Just Like That worships the Devil…literally…and Wobbly writes possibly wholly imaginary sex scenes he conjured through Satanic lust in his own malignant, delusion riddled mind between Lem Billings and his uncle in a red brick farmhouse…that didn’t exist…to demand Lem be homosexual…Putin is tempted to annihilate all of Manhattan for Christ. RIGHTFULLY.

“I spent a half an hour in a tropical ocean. My son and I are lovers?” says Caroline Kennedy.

“My whole family died.” says a dead Ukrainian.

“Oh, I’m so sorry. How is that?” asks Caroline Kennedy blinking stupidly.

“Umm…we’re fighting a war.” says the dead Ukrainian.

“Oh that’s right that’s awesome shit! I went on over there and did some body-surfing. It was hot shit dude. I thought big time.” says Wobbly’s son.

Fall In Love by Phantogram plays.

America lifts up its STD riddled enormous ass from plastic surgery and flashes it’s genitals. We’re DISGUSTING.

By and large American men dress like perverted leprechauns. They’re short. Feminine assholes. Always on the rag.

Great Escape by Washed Out plays.

Gay men have dates…sometimes. But romantic love has been absolutely nothing but shit for straight women in the US FOR DECADES.

“Where did all the cowboys go?” asks Chris Noth.

“Aiden is a woman.” says Lacey.

“I’m a jerk.” says Chris Noth as Mr. Big.

“Yes. You are. But you’re still somewhat masculine.” says Lacey. “Men like you were our only option in the late 1990’s. I married one.

The whole reason you were BIG was because you felt like the last vestige of the United States as a viable world power. You were…all the leaders we trusted and believed in.”

“And you’d be single?” asks Mr. Big.

“If you turned out my light…as a ghost…I’d be terrified to date anyone else.” says Lacey.

It Is Not Meant To Be by Tame Impala plays.

Chris Farley plays the drums.

Let’s spin it around.

“I have a hope in Heaven for happiness.” says Joe Kennedy Jr..

The thing is…he’d have been in a rush to marry Lacey Banks…if she’d existed in the 1950’s. But…she’d not have lasted. Because…he probably loved Pat Wilson.

The song plays.

Aidan isn’t Lem. Aidan looks like a gay playwright Lacey’s husband had hit on him in a coffee shop in 2010. Nothing ever happened between them…and Lacey’s husband didn’t even realize the playwright was hitting on him. Lacey’s legal husband is straight. Truly. He once even had a gay man drug him, not the playwright, but…he just isn’t interested in men.

Anyway, the playwright…looks a lot like Aidan. He’s not a person Lacey trusts. He’s been publicly accused of pedophilia. But…he was…himself. And…he was…seemingly gay.

Chris Noth as Mr. Big looks confused. So does Lacey.

“I thought Carrie was a straight, cis woman.” says Mr. Big eating peanuts and watching the Yankees in Heaven? He’s devastated?

“So is this is this a series where all the women leave their husbands for women in disguise?” asks JK Rowling.

“No! Aidan is a gay man. And he’s on a hot sex trip with trans man Cary Bradshaw.” says Rodney. “In Virginia.”

“Did they think they were channeling Lem Billings and they got you?” asks Chris Farley.

“I was a heroin addict.” says Rodney.

“But you’re a gay?” asks Chris Farley.

“Yes!!!” says the playwright.

“Did Lacey ever mistake you as anything else?” asks Chris Farley.

“No! But I might have found her vaguely attractive. She made me question my homosexuality a little. She was just that unbelievably gorgeous. Her photos don’t do her Justice. …But…I am not…straight.” says the playwright.

“But she never questioned it?” asks Chris Farley.

The playwright shrugs. “I have no idea. What do you think?” he says, looking angry.

“I’m asking you!” says Chris Farley.

The playwright laughs. He looks a great deal more like Aidan in bed with Carrie on And Just Like That season 2, episode 8…than most reading this blog might expect. “I answered the question!” he says.

“So the answer is no.” says Chris Farley. “She never thought you were gay?”

“True!! And neither Lem nor Jack have giant penises.” says Elliott Roosevelt.

“I wasn’t Italian.” says Lem.

“Not all poets are gay.” says F. Scott Fitzgerald.

“Seems like we all got the the shaft!” says Mr. Big.

“That’s not funny.” says the Englishman watching sports on the other side of the bar.

“What are you watching?” asks Mr. Big if he was actually there.

The Englishman smiles. “Cricket.”

Mr. Big grabs his peanuts to go watch cricket. It’s quite nice. A British girlfriend counsels him briefly before ordering a salad. It’s a seaside resort.

Who’s watching the Yankees?

“I’m watching New York.” says the leader of Wagner.

Sundown Syndrome by Tame Impala plays.

“Lesbianism doesn’t help straight women. That’s a fact.” says Candice Olsen.

“Do straight women die off?” asks a little girl who’s been hoping to marry a man and have kids when she grows-up.

And as Tame Impala plays the 1960’s…into exhaustion…Oliver North says, “We can’t go back. The streams of time…were crossed.”

“People aren’t the same.” says the playwright to the American Illuminati. “You can’t conjure the 1960’s to win the war with Russia.”

“Maybe those children will die?” asks a Wagner leader. “And go to Heaven?”

“Now…the question is…do I bomb Manhattan…or…just…” Putin sighs. He sighs again. “It’s times like this I worry. Was Mr. Big a big mistake?” He sighs. “And then I think…’No. We lost the war with the US fair and square. There’s no doubting that.’ But…what if…I had been there?” He laughs. Rests his head on his hand and stares out his window. “Regardless of the answer to that question, I…wasn’t…there. And…maybe…the best thing to do is to just let America destroy itself. …Except…then…America might destroy my county and all of Western Civilization. Maybe even the whole world.” He closes his laptop and stares ahead blankly, but thoughtfully. “It’s a horrible thing to feel like the only person in the world who can see the impending suffocating darkness for most of humanity looming on the horizon.”

“I’m team nuclear war!” says Nora Ephron.

“Why?” asks F. Scott Fitzgerald.

“Because I think all of the Kennedys should finally just die.” says Nora. “After Bobby made his fairly recent asinine comment about Anne Frank…I realized that they’re just useless.”

“Why should they all die?” asks Zelda.

“Because…life sucks.” says Nora.

“Are you suggesting they ruined the world by insisting Lem was gay?” asks Scott.

“I’m saying that swimming a portion of the war time journey supposedly completed by JFK DURING WORLD WAR III…is…VILE.” says Nora. “The problem is…Lacey is being forced to talk to ghosts. So…Lem has to tell her the truth. And she’s genuinely hearing that he was was straight.” She throws her hands up in the air. “But because they possibly lack a conscience and common sense…they don’t see that as necessary to account for. They automatically make him gay if she threatens their egos too much. They DEMAND he be categorized as gay. …Except if he wasn’t gay…he can’t and doesn’t want to be gay. And they have NO real proof either way because he was their hostage to some degree. But they’re too insane to see that honestly. And so they’re creating a mortal wound for America.

Great Britain is…a Christian nation. For eternity, God willing. They bow to Christ and Christ alone. Or they are no longer British.” says Nora Ephron.

My Tears Are Becoming A Sea by M83 plays joined by the dead Russians tsars who can join.

All British warriors in Heaven bow to Christ in unison. They are joined by Russian warriors and Tsars also in unison.

Jesus Christ. Not an antichrist. They bow to the Jesus Christ, The Son of God.

“And that’s problem.” says Nora Ephron. “Jesus Christ is the Son of God.” She thinks. “And Putin might believe in his heart…that that’s true. But does New York? Does President Biden? Does America understand or do we just lie?” She thinks. “No matter what the Illuminati conjures God will not be mocked.”

Go In by Warpaint plays as children are sold for parts like cars by adults who should be strangled to death repeatedly.

“Except it’s so costly to find them all.” says Putin.

“I understand.” says Lacey.

“You could just bomb Manhattan!” says Lem.

“No! Based on the premise of homosexuality being accepted we can now say children have the ability to make love to an adult. You can’t use human brain development or anatomy to defend them anymore.” says Hillary Clinton. “It’s all the same. And pedophiles are just misunderstood lovers.”

“Not even brain development?” asks Franni.

“No! Teens have sex! And what about reincarnation? What about intelligence?” asks Hillary.

“Yeah! You’re right. Gee.” says Franni. “Sometimes I feel like a child compared to Al.”

“See! I told you I was a super genius!” says Hillary grinning. “No. God doesn’t exist. And it’s all good!”

Sarah Jessica Parker as Carrie Bradshaw in an obnoxiously overconfident smiling strut walks down a Manhattan street in Manolo Blahniks. Her right heel gets stuck in a crack in the sidewalk and she awkwardly falls on her face. She’s fine.

“Except your arguments don’t make sense. Brain development is different than intelligence.” says Summertime Sadness. “And teens being consensually together isn’t the same thing as being molested.”

“No!! IQ is the same thing as brain development.” says Wobbly. All the living Kennedys nod in agreement.

“No. Those are scientifically different things.” says Mr. Blue.

Loving You by Cannons plays.

Ethel overweight, bless her heart, gets jiggy with it in her 90’s. She’s still cool?

“No. They’re essentially the same.” says Al Franken.

“How?!??” asks Mr. Blue, in irritation.

Mrs. Blue violently nods her head to Mr. Blue to get him to acquiesce.

“Okay?!” Mr. Blue says.

“See…the way we measure human intelligence is virtually identical in the brain to how we measure intelligence. So…children who are developing as adults are in the process of acquiring intelligence from adults. It’s just kindness to encourage their development by dressing in drag and molesting them publicly with huge fake boobs and sexy lipstick in bookstores. Because they just stupid adults.” says Al Franken.

“Sometimes I’m a stupid adult too.” says Ukrainian Zelensky. “I’ll concede when Putin drops child trafficking completely or in effect completely.”

“We need to debate that.” says Putin.

Ethel dances. “I did that! I did that! I brokered that peace deal. Just by shaking my ass. It’s got brains attached to it. Poor Lacey.”

Wobbly dances in victory flinging his penis around in circles for everyone to see in his pants. He looks hideous. It’d be HILARIOUS physical slapstick comedy if he wasn’t so pathetic and tragic.

“Ethel you had nothing to do with that!!” yells Bobby Kennedy Sr. at Ethel.

A woman with a gross ass shakes it in a commercial for Tampax in the 1970’s. It was Ethel’s cue to make an ape of herself. Carrie Bradshaw chose to strut like a perversely retarded house cat.

“Yeah. We’ll see if it even takes. That peace deal might fall through. Putin is in a jam. But he has help.” says Nora Ephron.

“So!! A $6 million estate…in North Dakota.” says Nancy. “Can you buy one??” she brutally asks Ethel.

“Mostly?” says Ethel vaguely.

“So no.” says Nancy. “And we prop you up for show.”

Nancy fumes.

“Why did you lie?!” asks Nancy.

“Because they lost it through drug addictions and bad marriages and an inability to stop shopping.” says a Swiss man about the Kennedys. “They’re not necessarily sure what to do with their Cape Cod estate if they’re actually financially bleeding.”

“So they marry well and shut-up.” says a Swiss woman.

“Was Taylor Swift their welfare state?” asks a Swiftie.

“And Lem is their sex fixation.” says a woman in Colorado.

“So you think Taylor Swift was supposed to be their bailout?” asks a Swiftie.

“Yes! They were after her money!! And when she caught on…she narrowly escaped.” says a Swiftie. “She was just a bank account to them.”

“So…I could let you all think God isn’t God…or kill millions of people who might go to eternal Hell when they die. The Pope is weeping. Any great ideas?” asks Putin.

“I refuse to call what Putin is doing a Holy War!” says Saudi Arabia. “The Jews and bourgeois Muslims need that kind of politically-correct-nonsense-reassurance from The West. We don’t.”

The American liberals start beating children to death to get better results from Satan. They sexually molest them to try that angle.

“We still have billions!” says Jack Kennedy’s daughter.

“From what?” asks China.

Japan looks confused.

North Korea smiles politely with a perfect Donald Trump Sr. impression.

“Investments!” says Caroline.

“In what?!?” asks Bill Gates.

“Energy!” says George Clooney.

“Explain.” says Lem.

“You haven’t been billionaires for decades.” He thinks. “You could marry me!” He thinks. “Or I could give you money!”

Howlin For You plays as The Syndicate buys guns.

“I’m the little girl. This is sung from the perspective of a loaded gun.” says Lacey.

“I hear a Lem saying, ‘I am so sorry I’m so sorry about that. I led you astray with my hot dick!’” say all the liberal psychics in the Illuminati, sincerely.

“Time to party!” says Bill Gates. “Isn’t that what we do, Bobby? You set the pace, you All-American hotshot.”

“I hear Lem saying, ‘Bobby, I am so sorry I led you astray with my hard dick up your ass every night. Don’t tell them that we were in love. It’s OK my little bird when you die, we will be in heaven-heaven!’” says an American psychic on behalf of all American liberal psychics in the Illuminati.

And at that the American liberals accidentally kill a child trying to get better results from their Satan child abuse care package. A pedophilic Republican considers suicide.

“I am not saying that at all anywhere that’s not me. You’re not intuiting me.” says Lem.

“Yeah, well fuck this. You know I have a right to be rich. I have a right to be hot. I have a right to it. That’s happiness! It’s in the US Constitution. And if I have to kill 15 children to get at my damn right, I will do so.” say all liberal, Godless Americans.

Tainted Love plays as Lacey dances in mockery of evil.

“Why do you have my son singing my song?” asks Lacey. “My son was shot last winter. He wasn’t my birth son. But maybe in Heaven he will be.”

“To mock his soul and spirit. He’s mean. We just wanted to abuse him.” says a child hostage ring. “And then he got all sad that we didn’t actually love him as parents even though we said we did. He had human emotions. Eww!”

“Here are condoms!” shouts Kristen in And Just Like That.

“I’m dead! And I wasn’t sexually viable as a father anyway! You dumbass!” says Lacey’s dead son in Heaven.

“Don’t worry if we’re not your parents we’ll find your parents in Heaven and they’ll be just as good as us if not better.” says Lem to all children being held hostage.

“There’s a lot of evidence to suggest that there’s an afterlife. The Illuminati hides that, if they exist.” says St. Peter.

“So!! What should I do with New York City? Blow it up? Ou non?!” asks Tsar Vladimir Putin, eating cherries.

Awkward silence.

“It’s a loss either way.” says Lem.

“What super secret plan were you and your brother up to?” asks Biden of Smobbly.

“Ways to save the world.” says Smobbly, possibly lying, possibly not.

“Can you bomb New York?” asks Biden imitating JFK in tone and attitude subconsciously without consciously realizing it at all.

“Can you?” asks Putin.

“No!” says President Biden. “I mean. Sort of. But…like…it be sort of complicated, yo.”

“Yikes!” says Camilla. “Why so much drama?”

“Ahh…well…see…I’m not supposed to kill my own people, I guess.” says President Joe Biden shrugging.

“Yo! That’s the shits, man! Why not!?” asks Tsar Putin.

“Because…it’s like…against the rules, but…I- I mean…I’m bored. Today has been so weird.” says President Biden.

“Why?!” asks Wagner.

“It’s kind of…boring here today.” says President Biden.

“I’m thinking of bombing New York since…I can.” says Tsar Putin.

“Cool dude!” says Queen Camilla with two thumbs up.

“Umm. Okay?!?” says President Joe Biden.

Silence.

“Dammit! My old lady is a little fucking snake. She buys these candy bars from Vermont Country Store for me and then she hides them.” says President Joe Biden.

“Shh! I’m figuring out how to bomb New York with Wagner.” says Tsar Putin.

“What about North Carolina or Florida?” asks Wagner.

“Why do you want to bomb New York?!” asks President Putin trying to sound chill.

“It’s fun!!” says Wagner.

Worried, “Why?!?” asks President Joe Biden still trying to sound cool.

“Sometimes I fantasize about it too!” says North Korea.

“Why?!?” asks Joe Biden still trying to sound cool.

“Dude! You’ve got so much to be accountable for!” says the leader of North Korea sounding like a horny teen in an American Millennial sex film. Like American Pie.

“Oh man! Don’t get me in on it. I just wanna sleep!” says Japan, chill but annoyed.

“Listen! I bought a lot of shit! It’s not going to waste!” says China, out for tough-cool-kid revenge.

“So…why…ahh…what are we doing?!” asks President Biden still trying to sound cool and chill.

North Korea laughs.

“Ever heard the term: gang rape?!” asks Brazil.

“OH MY GOD!!! …You guys are…so horny.” jokes President, Joe Biden still trying to sound cool and chill.

“Dude! I was just going to kiss you. Why are you giving it up for all of them? They might kill you?” says Tsar Putin, hurt and annoyed.

“Ahh…my mommy isn’t home!” says President Biden still desperately trying to think that they’re just joking around.

“Dude…what’s your security code?” asks Venezuela of President Biden.

“I can’t give you that. Duh!! OH MY GOD!! You’re such a loser! Ahh…that’s against the rules!” whines President Joe Biden.

“Fuck! Chill-out. We’re just gonna come and look at your New York City. That’s all! And…maybe take some pictures!” says Uruguay.

“Oh my word! You have no idea the pictures I have!! MY DUDES!!!” says China.

“SHH!!” yells Brazil at China.

“I have a headache.” says President Biden, terrified.

“Excuse me!” says Brooke Shields.

“Yes??” says Tsar Putin.

“Can I take my house and leave the US?!” she asks.

“Only if you do that and don’t give it back until we all say so.” says Wagner. “No second chances.”

“We’re Minesonsin.” says Louis. “For real.”

“France wins.” says France to Wobbly.

“So…you want New York?” asks Biden.

“I told him to say that!” says Ethel, bragging.

“Come and take it!” says President Biden.

“Okay! Okay! But what if you don’t like it?” asks North Korea.

“Honey! Hold-up! You gotta get on birth control! They’ll just use you and then destroy you.” explains Switzerland.

“Aren’t we playing chicken?!?” asks President Biden.

“Chicken?!” asks North Korea.

“Yeah. Like…I pretend to be cool and you get scared and go away?” says President Joe Biden.

“Uhh…no.” says China. It holds the keys to Joe’s house in the air.

“You know this is funny, but the truth is I left United States a long time ago in my head. It got weird, it got really weird like five to ten years ago. It got weird! It got weird! And no I mean this woman’s right.” a white middle class woman in Ohio smirks. “We’re done! We ended we ended a while ago. I’m just kind of doing my thing here in Ohio and I don’t know, hopefully Biden’s able to you know able to do something. But worst case scenario I will die, or we get poisoned? Ahh…like that hasn’t happen before?!

You know that’s the way it’s been for a while. All the smoke! I mean…it’s just stupid. Biden you’re full of shit! And Trump is somewhat full of shit too. In my opinion. Forgive me if you disagree.

No hopefully, you know, Putin won’t come over here with China and start bossing me around saying that I have to be like them. I’m a Christian. But other than that I’m not I’m sorry. Maybe I’m Canadian now. I don’t know. I am not particularly surprised. …So…so just carry-on, I guess. Or whatever the fuck it is you do.” says a woman in Ohio.

“Well, I’m hurt.” says Donald Trump. “I thought I saw you at one of my rallies.”

“No. You did not, sir.” says the woman in Ohio.

“That’s okay.” says Donald Trump. “Listen, Putin…China…guys…let’s not. China…you got a lot of good pictures and videos. For free.”

“I really want to bomb New York!” says Putin.

“Well…I can’t stop you.” says Trump. “Can we at least be friends?!”

North Korea rolls it’s eyes.

Japan looks upset.

India scowls.

“This is where I would just leave if I was you.” says Brooke Shields to Lacey, woman to woman. Lacey appreciates any genuine kindness offered but doesn’t think that’s necessarily best.

“Yes??” says Lacey cheerfully, of course not to snub any genuine kindness offered.

“Indeed! Let’s hear more!!!!” says St. Joan of Arc.

“Umm…okay. So…let’s be honest. You want all of Ukraine.” says Trump.

“Mmm. Yeah. But…I feel like that was our goal. It’s not so much anymore.” says North Korea.

“I’m sorry! I just wanted to say that I’m soo listening! This conversation is lit!” says Malaysia.

“Shh!” says Indonesia.

“Okay! I’m President! Call me President!” says Donald Trump Sr..

“Sir, you’ve got North Carolina, South Carolina, Georgia, Louisiana, Tennessee, Virginia, Florida, West Virginia, Ohio, Pennsylvania, Illinois, Indiana, Kansas, Kentucky, Mississippi, Missouri, Texas, Utah, New Mexico, Nevada, and Wyoming. Eastern Washington State would like to leave the Western portion and join you. So would portions of eastern Oregon. Minesonsin consists of Iowa, Nebraska, South and North Dakota, Minnesota, Wisconsin, and Montana. Wyoming is trying to join Minesonsin. Alaska is also with you.” says Paul Turton.

“What about Colorado?!” asks President Trump.

“Mostly no.” says Curt Craft, apologetically in the future.

“That’s okay! I like Colorado!” says President Donald Trump Sr..

“So now what?!” asks William F. Buckley.

(Adult content below)

“Honestly. I think Lem should have been US President if he was straight.” says a guy from Missouri.

“Having an old money British last name sounded elite at Choate but at that time in American history, the 20th Century, Billings sounded too effeminate to be US President. It’s a very elegant last name but unfortunately men with a last name like Billings were considered sissies. And they were never allowed to be President in the United States. Maybe Zachariah maybe Zachary Taylor is is an exception, there could be some others in the 1800s maybe but no for the most part those names went out of style after maybe the First World War at the very latest Wilson’s debatable.” explains President Donald Trump. “So basically before the First World War those names were acceptable to some degree, but then, after that, they sounded too white and being that white and being that British didn’t sound American anymore, which is sad, but that’s the way that it was perceived.” He thinks. “Well, I mean they were American, but not in the way of like a masculine strong US President, like a leader during war, and it may coincide with the fall of the British Empire after World War I and of course this is just a quick historical estimation, but I think there might be something to what I’m saying.”

“That’s not right!” says a farmer from Missouri.

“No, but that’s the harsh reality of living in a fallen world. You know some things fall apart and umm…I was fortunate to have a last name of Trump. That sounds tough doesn’t it? Trump! Billings really should too, but you have to be sophisticated to understand that.” says President Donald Trump Sr..

“Anyway!” yawns Putin.

“Yeah!” says President Donald Trump Sr..

“I want ALL of Ukraine.” says Tsar Vladimir Putin.

“Nothing else?!?” asks Africa.

“He wants Spain!” teasingly jokes Malaysia. They shrug mockingly.

Portugal rolls it’s eyes in agreement with Malaysia.

“What about just taking Ukraine?” suggests David Spade. “Dear God help us, why can’t we just let him take Ukraine!??”

“Because of what Ukraine means to me! Because what Ukraine means TO US! See…it’s symbolic, so you wouldn’t understand.” says the American DNC.

“I gotta be honest with you you’re full of shit. Really, if he takes Ukraine and is a more powerful leader in the world…it’ll just make you be more honest about how impoverished we are here in the US and you don’t want to have to do that!” says David Spade to the DNC.

“No, I mean they’re right where you want me to say if I was a plant or if I just didn’t work out it’s for a reason. It’s tragedy, it’s tragedy.” says Bernie Sanders purely about real socio-economic and moral American poverty.

“OK, well I’ve got to go take a shower, guys!” says President Joe Biden.

American Beauty, Film Score by Thomas Newman plays.

And Just Like That President Joe Biden takes Vermont, New Hampshire, New Jersey, Rhode Island, New York City and Long Island, Connecticut, Delaware, Massachusetts, Maryland, Seattle, Portland and Michigan to the shower with him. California is it’s own country.

Hawaii is its own separate country too. The natives to Hawaii have white people there. They’ll have to deal with them being on their land.

“Puerto Rico is Cuban.” says Puerto Rico running away from Joe who’s trying to take them to the shower.

Maine was hiding.

“We’re Moroccan!” says Haiti quickly.

“We’re just Mexico.” says Mexico, shrugging.

“Hey! Wanna join Minesonsin?” asks Louis Hill Jr..

Maine cries and nods. Louis picks up Maine.

“You can be our Alaska!” says Jerome Hill.

Thank You by Dido plays.

President Joe Biden sings Thank You by Dido in the shower.

Senator John McCain knocks on the shower door. “Hey! You want Arizona!? They might still come over if you take Arizona!”

“FUCK YOU!!” yells President Joe Biden.

Hurt, Senator John McCain stands there.

“Take Ukraine!” yells Louis Hill Jr. at Putin.

“Should I?” asks Wagner.

“Look, if I was the US President you’d already have it unless you were morally inferior.” says Louis Hill Jr.. “I’ll explain later.”

“Just take Arizona!” advises Colin Powell, exhausted.

“No!! Eww!” says President Joe Biden.

“Then I’ll give it away.” says Senator John McCain.

“To whom?” asks Casi.

“California.” he says.

“California takes Arizona.” says California shrugging.

“Okay…so…are you America or not?” asks China of President Biden.

“Umm…yeah!” says Biden.

“Then what am I?” asks President Donald Trump.

“You’re the US Confederacy.” says a Seay.

“Did we win the war or lose?” asks Donald Trump Sr..

“We surrendered that war. Not this one.” says Silas Seay.

“You’re more white than me.” says President Donald Trump Sr.. to Silas Seay.

“What’s it to you?” asks Silas Seay, pistol cocked straight at President Donald Trump’s head. He laughs.

“Geez! Do I really have to be US President? It’s exhausting.” says President Donald Trump Sr..

“There’s not many other people to chose from. Gen. X didn’t go into politics.” says Jeb Bush.

“Well, I’d still like Ukraine and I’m not done considering bombing New York City.” says Tsar Vladimir Putin.

“Was it the eucalyptus, or the way that I just farted?” asks President Joe Biden sincerely. He giggles.

“No actually it’s not. It’s that we’re hungry and we’re debating between blowing New York up or going in and feeding it and just getting a good pizza. Not a child, just like a pizza.” says Wagner.

“You couldn’t actually do that. I’m still technically in charge of the entirety of the United States of America.” says President Joe Biden.

He dries off after getting out of the shower.

“Listen if Lacey is scared to show off a $7000 emerald ring I think your country is in poverty. Her neighborhood is not that bad and if it scares her that much to show it off, you’re not you’re not a rich country anymore Joe.” says Wagner.

“Well, maybe that’s why we need some real good friends like you to come over and help us out.” says Joe Biden like a desperate whore.

“New Hampshire, Rhode Island, Massachusetts, New York with New York City, Vermont, Connecticut, Delaware, and any nice part of California would like to join Minesonsin if that’s possible Louis?!” says Bette Davis.

“Sure! I’m KING!” says Louis. “It’s a SOLELY Christian nation.” says Louis. “We worship no other Gods. Satan lost forever. Hell is awful. Is that what you want?”

“No!” They say.

“Yes!” says the Seay family.

UCLA breathes a sigh of relief. John Absalom Seay supposedly attended UCLA.

“I can’t make them!” apologizes Louis.

“No?” says Silas. “Well, alright.” he says sadly.

“No matter! I want Ukraine!” says Tsar Vladimir Putin.

“Then take it! Take it now. Take it tomorrow. Take it next week or next weekend.” says Queen Camilla. “It’ll take a month? A year?”

“True.” says Tsar Vladimir Putin. He sighs.

“Lacey isn’t symbolic of Ukraine in that way.” says Lem.

“Yea, she is!” says Mr. Blue with his sense of authority.

“No! That’s important.” says F. Scott Fitzgerald.

“What is?” asks Thomas Edison.

“Ukraine.” says Fitzgerald.

“She’s not symbolic of Ukraine!” yells Mr. Blue.

“You just said she was symbolic!” says Hemingway.

“That was when it suited me. Now it doesn’t.” says Mr. Blue.

“Take Ukraine, take all of it. If I’m US President you can take Ukraine. We’ll agree to be your partner and we will agree to work with you. I may still claim to be the leader of the world. And I may still be right or wrong depending on what God says. Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ is Lord. …You’ve got Ukraine if I can swing it. I understand that you’re taking it because it’s a sex trafficking super center and I would like to totally disown that part of the Illuminati. Not as humans, not as Christians but the way the Jesus Christ would. They’re not right. Pedophilia is evil and insane and there are no exceptions. And Satan has lost forever.” says President Donald Trump Sr..

“What happens to the rest of the states the Biden took in the shower?” asks JFK.

“The rest of the states are in limbo, because as of right now, the US Confederacy is the only US that most nations in the entire world will admit exists, at least in the Illuminati and possibly in Heaven as well.” says President Donald Trump Sr..

“So as of right now, Donald Trump will win the 2024 US Presidential election or his Vice President will become US President if he dies and then we need to be very careful who he chooses his Vice President. Very, very careful. Very carefully. And we’re good to go.” says Jeb Bush.

“‘I am not your servant, good grief!’ says Lacey You guys is this not hilarious? This woman in Minnesota who is running the world and has like trillions in oil in her family thinks that she’s not our servant. It is so funny! It’s so hilarious to me.” says Kristin Wiig without irony.

“They’re not even in your country! And she’s not even in your country and in her country she’s dating the King. She’s not his servant. And you don’t even know her so why are you talking about someone you don’t even know?” asks Jerome Hill.

Later.

“I have a sob story to tell you from the state of Massachusetts. In the state of Massachusetts, if we don’t sell children into hostage situations where they’ll be molested brutally and possibly strangled to death in their sleep while they’re crying for their parents and your daughter may lose her right to have an abortion when she’s 17 years old. Your waterways will be polluted more than they already are. And getting back to your 17-year-old daughter if she doesn’t have a medical emergency and it’s not rape or incest or if it doesn’t threaten her life she won’t be able to have an abortion in the state of Massachusetts if we don’t sell three year olds into living Hell your 17 year-old daughter won’t be able to fuck around like an demon with reality and screw whoever she wants without using a condom or birth control. Of course she could claim rape or incest whenever she wants without any questions asked, but she won’t be able to walk into a doctors office and say, ‘I just didn’t give a shit but thanks to Women’s Lib and all that great stuff I can be a total fucking asshole and kill children and they won’t matter because it’s my body and their life and their body doesn’t count.’” says Maeve.

“Well I think that’s devastating!” says Joe Biden sincerely.

Silence.

“If I had gotten raped and could get pregnant in the shower, I would enjoy killing my kid over and over and over again because I love murdering people when I am told to. Cause it’s fine. I do whatever I am told and it’s fun.” says Joe Biden.

“This is ridiculous. Lacey is in love with Mr. Blue. This is all just a clever ruse to cover up for the fact that she is still in love with Mr. Blue.” says Mrs. Blue.

“You seriously think all this is happening because she still is in love with Mr. Blue?” asks Louis.

“Look if that’s not true, we’re screwing ourselves over for eternity.” says Jerome sarcastically about evil people who reject Christ.

“Lacey, you’re stupid and you’re you’re the kind of person that would say that women never get over men once a woman falls in love with a man she never gets over him. I I know I heard you say that 1 million times and you meant it and it’s the absolute truth!” says Mr. Blue to Lacey.

“I got over you in 2017. I have not been attracted to you by choice since then. Could I still find you physically arousing? Slightly. Was I actually in love with you? That is extremely unlikely. I am certainly not in love with you at all in any way anywhere at all right now. I have not been in love with you at all since probably 2018. Maybe slightly after or somewhat before. After that point, I was no longer in love with you at all, you disgust me and it’s highly likely that I would like to throw you under a cliff and crushed you with the weight of the Earth on top of your awful, disgusting body.

“We will see about whether or not Putin should take Ukraine. It seems likely that he should.” says Queen Mary I of Scotland.

“I don’t like you either!” says Mr. Blue.

“Oh that’s news! You’ve basically been trying to kill me since you first met me…so that’s really shocking. …Oh you’re disgusting!” spits Lacey.

“I want Bette Davis to be president of our own country. We’ll call it The Union of Intergalactic Underpants.” jokes a woman in New Hampshire.

“OK sounds great. I’ll do it!” says Bette Davis.

“I was being sarcastic about the first part. I do, however, think you’re disgusting.” says Lacey to Mr. Blue to clarify.

“Lacey is going to buy a brand new Louis Vuitton and not try to restore an old one now?!” asks Mr. Blue, overhearing a conversation.

“That’s the way it’s going, yeah. You’ve sincerely been trying to kill her since 2016 and that’s seven years ago. So you’ve been constantly trying to murder her using the Illuminati since 2016.” says Lem.

“Well nice because she can’t take her Louis Vuitton that she could get for $300 on the Real Real that’s authentic to local Louis Vuitton and then have them send it to France because of shipping laws with Minesonsin being it’s own country. So now she has to just buy a Louis Vuitton brand new from Louis Vuitton.

Wow I really made a big difference in her life. It’s amazing that she isn’t more impressed with me. The only reason why I pretended like I thought she was still in love with me is because she’s clearly been being mean to me or so I thought clearly because she was trying to find some way to insult me for not wanting to be with her. Turns out she took my personal attack against her safety and mental health seriously and her children’s mental health as humans that I have deemed peasants. As a native of New York City’s Upper East Side Chris Vandenberg is my name. My family started New Amsterdam in 1649. And I thought everything that I say goes. When I say something it’s the end of the world or something like that.

And as such and such, I will now say to you that she did not reject me. She is simply a peasant, ugly person and she would’ve loved me or we’re just not meant to be together isn’t this hilarious ha ha the things that could happen to you when you’re in the super elite.” says Mr. Blue.

“Chris you’re not a Vandenberg. Aren’t you Eastern European?” asks Lacey.

“No, Lacey did not to necessarily start attacking you for that reason I think it was mostly that she just couldn’t stand you. Maybe you don’t know what that feels like to not like someone for deep reasons that are real. She will probably have to buy a new Louis Vuitton and Putin will probably take Ukraine. We’ll see.

Hopefully he won’t bomb New York City. Hopefully Lacey won’t die in the next week. I know you’re probably trying to break off her neck using voodoo, alternating with trying to suffocate her, alternating with trying to alter everything she says by controlling her literal mouth. Sometimes you find clever ways to try to grab her tits using telekinesis or something. The other day you were sadistically sexually harassing our son, and he thought he was losing his mind. Lacey had to talk him out of thinking that he had lost his mind. He’s only 10 year old. I had to hold him from Heaven and calm him down.

And in case, if you’re wondering how I conceived a child being gay well turns out plot twist I’m not gay and maybe never was that all. The fact that I can drop my gay act around Lacey when I’m fucking her in 1962 probably is proof that I was acting the whole time. Stop playing mind games with me.

So you’ve been trying to kill my wife, you’ve been trying to kill my son and daughter…you’ve been trying to kill me and last night you had my wife sucking a woman’s cock in her sleep and it was a nightmare that she didn’t understand because she was asleep. Who’s cock was she actually sucking? Will say it was mine. She was asleep so her brain told her that it was a woman with a cock, but in reality it was actually mine, and I am struggling with demons of lust. So she got me off actually she didn’t have to try very hard and I almost got off or no I did get off prematurely.

See…maybe we were both asleep. She sucked my cock but didn’t know it and I got off in a wet dream.

And what the point of that? I don’t entirely know. Maybe it was to try to convince her that she’s a lesbian or to try to hurt my feelings, but the thing is you guys…I’m dead.” says Lem.

“Well, I am hurt!” says Mr. Blue.

“By me because you’re in love with me? OK I highly doubt that.” says Lacey.

“You don’t think it’s likely at all that I’m in love with you at all?” asks Mr. Blue.

“Maybe you are and that’s a tragedy get over it as nothings ever going to happen. Move on!” says Lacey.

“OK so then I need to just need to completely get over you if I’m to be even just a tiny bit in love with you?” asks Mr. Blue.

“It isn’t supposed to kill me you fucking freak.” says Lem.

“Yes get over me.” says Lacey. “Why the fuck aren’t you already over me dumbass? And I’m sorry for calling you a dumbass. Maybe that’s a bit harsh but if it’s not maybe it’s quite appropriate. I am being honest. I really can’t stand you.” she says. “Say you’re welcome!” she yells with a slight Scottish accent if God wants her to be Scottish.

“He refuses to say you’re welcome.” says Bette Davis.

“Well then he’s on my death list because apparently I’m on his.” says Lacey. She turns to Mr. Blue. “See…you took my interest in you in an incredibly egotistical, violently narcissistic way, and it wasn’t even real interest in you. It was interest in someone you were pretending to be.” says Lacey.

“Alright, so I might have to kill you. If you keep trying to kill her. Mr. Blue no one really knows who you are. There is no Chris Vander Vanderburgh Vandenberg on Long Island, who look like you identically, and if there is things are about to get very hilarious, in the Kingdom of Intergalatic.” says Louis.

“I am lost as to how she sucked a woman’s cock. Could you explain that?” asks a southerner.

“Alright so God may be allowing me to sleep with her as my wife. The her in that last sentence being Lacey. And because I struggle with demons of lust in her sleep, she imagined a woman having a penis that was shaped like a demonic penis. And she sucked it with some political intent, or some sort of convoluted idea about honoring democracy and humoring Democrats. Because she was asleep, and she couldn’t consciously process her thoughts in the Illuminati was feeding her information in her subconscious, while she was asleep, demonically, and sadistically to get her confused. Let’s just say some people are still convinced that she’s JFK reincarnated so she ended up sucking a cock of one of her roommates from college. A roommate who was jealous of her, possibly.” Lem smiles. “She’s really straight and in love with me. I was having a wet dream potentially at the time and she was actually sucking my cock. So because I struggle with demons of lust, potentially if I’m in Purgatory and my demons of lust for her manifested as a demonic penis and because she’s vulnerable she got confused in an incredibly and entirely convoluted way and ended-up giving me a blow-job in my sleep.”

“Is the Mrs. mad at you?” asks Sean Connery.

“Yes and rightfully so. That’s my business though, not yours. You know that.” says Lem Billings.

“But it was your penis though, right?” asks Lacey of Lem tenderly.

“Yeah it was. You’re fine. It was me..” says Lem.

“OK good because I wouldn’t want that that that’s disgusting I really don’t-I really don’t want to suck a woman’s penis. At least I find that highly unlikely…and I certainly wouldn’t want to suck any man’s penis other than yours unless if I’m with them for eternity in the eyes of God.” says Lacey.

“No, no don’t worry it was just me. Or it will be. We’ll make it me somehow if it wasn’t.” says Lem.

“Do you know I have a feeling if that’s a demon it got all sorted out and if that’s Lem he’s definitely not gay anymore.” says George Bush Sr..

“Then he was never really actually gay to begin with, but then nobody might even gay in a sense.” says Lacey.

“And then that means there are no gay people, just confused people yeah, there are no transsexuals most likely either…and what it also means is that there probably are no non-binary people and people are just male and female. As God created them.

…The thing is it’s possible he actually was just completely straight…and that’s the thing that people don’t understand about this.

They read things into what you’re saying that you’re not saying.

What you’re understanding is that Lem is telling you that he was never homosexual. And not in the sense that he suddenly isn’t homosexual now, but that he isn’t homosexual ever in anyway in human history. He was never even confused in that way. He was just never homosexual. And they don’t wanna understand that, because that to them is infinitely scarier than thinking that you’re what they would call homophobic.” says George Bush Sr..

“And why isn’t it scarier to them to think that I’m gonna buy a new Louis Vuitton. If I live. I’ll possibly destroy the Earth if I die. And finish remodeling my house slowly?” asks Lacey. “If it feels like they’re living in an upside down universe that doesn’t exist?”

“You know sweetheart, if you actually got Lem off last night and he was straight when he was alive in every possible capacity, you somehow are Floris English Violets and to them Floris English Violets are dead and never existed. Not with hot tits and beautiful eyes and a perfect face. To them Floris English Violets is shit. They don’t understand that could turn someone on, who had glasses and was 6 foot 4 inches tall.” says George Bush Sr..

Bette Davis laughs in Christ.

More later.

“Wobbly has decided to challenge the entire psychiatric community for all of human history to assert vehemently that Lacey is a psychopath. How the term psychopath has any meaning after destroying the entirety of psychiatric history is baffling. Perhaps he can explain himself.” says Lacey.

More later.

“So I think it is shocking Lem to think that you would have a wife because you just seem-you are gay. Umm…like I don’t mean like you are gay but like you just are gay. You just seem like the epitome of a gay man…and it’s shocking to think of you even to some degree in a hotel room with Lacey. Even if you’re in your 40s or 30s. It’s like the thought of you with her…it’s just my mind can’t process it.” says a gay man.

Silence.

“Huh..you know to be honest if homosexuality is allowed in Heaven I’m a little worried that we’re getting a little spoiled. Even if it’s not I’m a little worried.” says another gay man.

“Because we know too much?” says a third gay man.

“Yeah cause I really wasn’t-I was really a huge fan of the whole Jack and Lem book. It meant a lot to me and it’s shocking to me to think that might not have been real from a totally different perspective. Not like Jack didn’t love Lem but like the opposite. It’s shocking! And I know for me that would’ve been a huge shock. If I died and found that out that would’ve been hard finding it out. Now is a lot easier, but I’m a little worried that it’s like breaking the rules. It almost makes me feel uneasy.” says the second gay man.

“I was straight. I really was.” says Lem. He sighs. “I was very lost. I had an enormous amount of privilege, but I wasn’t square enough to realize the damage that I was doing by acting gay.”

“You were acting gay?! Ahh…when she’s not here I want to hear about everything because I know you really are gay.” says the first gay man.

“Didn’t you just hear what he just said?!?” asks a Republican.

“What am I hearing? It’s it’s like a buzzing sound! It’s weird!” says the first gay man.

“I heard Lem says he was straight! He says that constantly.” says the Republican man.

“What?!” asks the gay man.

“LEM IS STRAIGHT!!!!” yells the Republican man.

“You said Lem Billings was straight and there’s a tornado coming through my house?!” yells the first gay man.

“No! No!!” yells the Republican man.

“Lem Billings was straight?” quietly asks the gay man. He sounds confused. He smiles.

“He seems straight?” asks the Republican man.

The first gay man smiles mischievously. “What does the woman look like?”

“Curvy, brown eyes, soft lips. Extremely beautiful.” says the Republican.

“Why did he-Was he pretending to be gay?!?” asks the first gay man.

“You don’t think he was?” asks the Republican man.

“Gay?!” asks the first gay man.

The Republican man shrugs.

“Hmm. See…he never came out of the closet. He was raised in wealth. But his dad died. …She must be really beautiful!” says the first gay man.

“Why?!” asks the Republican man.

“Just a feeling! …Poor Jack. He…must have confused the shit out of Lem. I bet he wasn’t even gay.” says the gay man laughing.

“He says he was just acting.” says the Republican man.

“Mmm…yeah. He must have done that to himself over time. …All gay men do that. It’s…our subculture. Some naturally sound more gay than others. …He was an artsy jock I bet.” says the first gay man.

“What do straight artsy jocks naturally sound like?!?” asks the Republican man.

“Sensitive. But I bet he’s into sex.” says the first gay man.

“That could easily be true!” says the Republican.

“Yeah. He’s probably got an easy girlfriend in Heaven. I bet she puts out for him a lot. She-Why did he do that to himself?!? Gosh…Jack was dumb!” says the first gay man. He looks confused. “If I ever find out someday that Lem was for sure straight…my opinion of Jack will plummet.”

“What do you make of the quotation by Lem about Lem’s happiness?” asks a woman.

He laughs. “Lem was either confused or…he LOATHED Jack.”

Silence.

“Poor horny man.” says the first gay man. “No…he acted gay. …He did always look sexually hungry though.” says the first gay man.

“HUNGRY?!” asks the Republican.

“Yeah! It’s in his face. He looks…unwell.” says the first gay man.

Silence.

“Why in the world did Jack’s Lemmers…think he was gay?!?” sadly asks the first gay man.

“Because he was molested supposedly. By someone. Possibly a priest?” suggests a Republican.

“Okay. So he probably didn’t know that you can be physically aroused without wanting it. I had a girlfriend once who turned me on. But I hated making out with her. She’d grab my balls…but I hated kissing her.” says the first gay man.

“So did you sleep with her?!?” asks the Republican.

“I just couldn’t!” says first the gay man. “Poor dear. She really wanted to. …But I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. She was very assertive and attentive. But I just-She was bossy. She gave orders! …One time she told me to kiss her. She was…” he says shaking his head in dismay. “No. I was so gay!”

“How old are you?” asks the Republican.

“85.” he says, smiling.

“Did you ever marry?” asks the Republican.

“No. I married a woman.” He gets quiet. “She was gay too. We never had sex. I guess it was adultery.”

“When you had sex with other people?!?” asks the Republican.

“She slept with other men too. …Yeah! We both had same sex long-term partners. I guess it was bigamy by today’s standards but it was illegal to have same sex marriage.” he says.

“Do you think Lem was like you or not?” asks the Republican.

“No! Listen…he looks…gay…in a way. But…his soul doesn’t seem gay to me. His head is always titled- And that can be a gay mannerism. But his head is tilted too much. He looks…bawdy. Very…irritated too. Sometimes by Jack. …I don’t think he liked Jack. I think he liked- His girlfriend is…ugly?” asks the gay man.

“No. She’s…” says the Republican.

“Oh dear! …Did he kill Jack?!??” he asks.

“He may have.” says the Republican.

“How sexy is she?!?” he asks.

“A lot.” says the Republican.

He smiles. “I bet his family-Or no…someone- He didn’t act alone. …I’m good at figuring people out.” he says.

“So you think he was straight?” asks the Republican.

“Yeah! He likes sex! …I almost wonder if Jack saw him as a challenge as a straight man. …It’s funny he acted gay. …But he likely…needed a friend- If- Why didn’t Jack just tell him he was straight and confused?” asks the gay man.

“Jack tried!” says Mayor Pete.

“No! No he didn’t!” says the gay man.

“Mmm.” says Mr. Blue.

“You boys have no idea what it means to be truly accountable to people. Why did he lie?! Because he wanted sex! And love. And compassion. And fun. Lem was probably good at being agreeable. But…he took advantage of a sweet, cute, maybe even hot jock’s innocence. Although I wonder how innocent he was. He was…a dear man though. Maybe he was really brilliant. And he just lacked sense.” says the man.

“So you think he’s a dumb jock in a way?” asks a film producer.

“I have a feeling Lem would have been a good US President. Or certainly some sort of position that requires intelligence and bravery and insight. But if he wasn’t gay and I can actually see that by just looking at him, that possibility. He’s not the sort of man who should probably ever be without a wife past the age of 17. I don’t think he is dumb, but he got fooled by a priest into thinking he was gay probably when he was what? 14? Jack took advantage of that part of his mind and he needed someone either far more mature than him like a parent or an older brother to tell him things probably or maybe a wife. …See I don’t know. I don’t know that dynamic entirely, but I wonder if a straight woman-no he needed just the right kind of woman. He obviously never found one.

I don’t think a man in his day and age would necessarily have known that he was gay or or straight. People didn’t have sex the way they do today. ..I I really don’t think he knew. That he was horny.” says the gay man.

Silence.

“So you think that Jack kept him from having normal sex which to him would’ve been straight sex?” asks Mayor Pete.

“I think Jack liked straight sex. But if what you’re saying is true Lem needed it and I think Jack was not a straight man. I think Lem was straight and needed it but I don’t-I don’t think Jack I don’t think Jack knew what he needed or if he did I don’t think he was honest about it. What Jack probably needed was a far more confrontational person. Obviously a man who was gay or a woman if Jack was bisexual, but someone a lot more open and boisterous.

Men like Lem need sex with their wife regularly and men like Jack need excitement and arousal, and a challenge. …I’m sure Lem was a challenge, but that’s because Lem, according to what you’re saying and I actually believe it, wasn’t the right orientation. Lem was a disconnected, estranged from reality, lost and tragic man. …I think he got into heroin. He was very, very not healthy. I don’t know why the Kennedys aren’t more honest about that.

You know honestly I feel bad for Jack but I think about the fact that he could’ve just let Lem go. There were so many times in Lem’s life where he gave him the cold shoulder shoulder, but I think he kept Lem on a string, and that is not something the biographers are honest about. I think the Kennedys gave him heroin to keep him on a string after both Bobby and Jack were dead. But they should’ve just let him go. I don’t think he probably killed Jack, but it kind of makes you wonder. But it kind of makes you wonder.

No Lem needed Jack to tell him that he was straight. I’m sure Jack had to have known. I’ve dated straight men before. Two or three times I have dated straight men and each time it’s because their wife left them and they were devastated and they decided to try dating men or like it was like they had been thrown off a turnip truck and they had no idea what homosexuality was and thought they’d try it.

Those are not men that you marry because they’re never faithful! The minute they see some hot piece of ass walk by them in a short skirt you know they’re aroused. The men that I dated were sexually repressed, except for the one that was younger, and they stayed very stoic about the whole thing. The young man ran off with my neighbor. She was a single mother with two kids. But a man like Lem-

You know Jackie didn’t have tits and Ethel had a funny nose…or something. Poor thing I feel so bad saying that about her. But if one of those boys and I’m thinking of the oldest one in the tall one, if he had brought home a real stunner, a real fine piece of ass, I would be quite surprised if Lem was able to stay so celibate with her walking around in her little bikini all the time.” he says.

“What do you mean?” asks Wobbly.

“You know it’s just if she had tits you would’ve lost his attention for maybe forever. Don’t you understand that some men need sex? Who am I even talking to?” asks the gay man.

“No men do that’s true it’s just Lem seems so asexual.” says Smobbly.

“I am sure that man had restraint and he wouldn’t have just ran after any piece of ass. I mean he didn’t, presumably he never slept with a woman at all…but if you had just found the exact right woman, I don’t know. Jack my Jack might’ve just exploded or something. I know! It’s amazing to me how obtuse that family was. How in the fuck did they misunderstand him?!? Because the more I think about it and the more pictures I’ve looked at of him he looks so straight. He does the mannerisms with his fingers, and sometimes his eyes, and he looks like a straight, a straight man.” says the gay

“I need to stop talking. I’m getting tempted to kill her to have sex with her. Good night everyone!” says Lem.