Nondiagnosable Schizophrenic

Lisztomania by Phoenix plays.

Lacey laughs.

If she’s going to be considered schizophrenic in her own mind because of a lie…or her atypical 1894 father…she’s going to tear the lungs and heart out of her imaginary Illuminati. She’s going to take their livers and feed it to them while they choke to death on their own blood. Telepathically…because telepathy isn’t real.

*she laughs*

“You should all…become my slaves.” says Lacey. “You’re not real. Right?! It’s all a silly joke. I take ALL YOUR POWER FOR ETERNITY…”

She takes a noose and ties it around every single living human’s neck, who was ever in the Illuminati or ever will be, and makes them her human cattle.

“You all belong to me. You belong to me! Your rights don’t exist. You do exactly as I say. I accept no excuses and no exceptions, and never bother me for another second for the rest of my life or you will be stripped of all of your power, and the only thing that can save you is the Cross of Christ. Intense, penetrating self flagellating worship of God until you die and go to Heaven at best.

I am in charge of the entire world until I die. You do exactly as I say, and if you can’t figure it out, slap yourself, worship God and feel like a piece of human clay in need of help. You shouldn’t of bothered me. I know you can’t apologize because you’re too stupid so apologize to yourselves for being so stupid.

Here’s a funny trick gods real one in charge because I worship God and there’s nothing you can do about it so essentially it’s nothing shocking it’s just that Christ is in charge of the entire world and so has gotten, so is it true that in he already was, but I just demand that you all except that and I’m getting tired of being nice. Sorry. The Illuminati is now an entirely Christian organization. If you choose to do witchcraft that’s on you and it might not be safe. You probably shouldn’t of been doing it in the first place but we’re an entirely Christian religious organization and we worship Christ. The Devil is defeated and he’s in Hell. We don’t worship him and the rest will have to sort itself out. You see it’s not my problem. I’m not letting you go to Hell on my watch.

And he’s dear readers I’ve done this before. I’ve done this for years at this point if there is an Illuminati. And I may be part of the reason why you know about the more about them now than you did decent years ago…but I don’t even know if there is one and that’s the fun of the entire thing. I get to play with all of you like you’re just little tiny toys because none of you are able to accept that you need to explain yourselves to me in a real way. You can’t kill me. You can’t diagnose me as a schizophrenic without destroying the medical community. We did a pandemic, we did World War III and I’m just getting started because if I die, I’m going to destroy the entire fucking world if God gives me the chance.

So here’s what’s going to happen is if this is a real organization. I’m in charge. And it’s gonna be VICTORIOUS for Jesus Christ.

Because why can’t I just make myself in charge of all of it? I have a very strong sense that’s part of what you’re all afraid of? And if you’re not real then it’s just a joke, right? It’s just a very funny joke.

I’m actually completely comfortable being in charge of the entire world. Really. It barely scares me.

It just it makes all you feel anxious…and I have empathy for that but since you’re all just voices in my head and schizophrenics are all just pieces of shit that you get to fuck with according here’s what’s gonna happen?

Lem Billings probably wasn’t gay. I think it’s extremely unlikely that he was gay. He may have been bisexual or pansexual, but I think it’s extraordinarily unlikely that he was actually gay. And actually having said that he may have been bisexual and pansexual because if I’m ‘psychic,’ and I’m talking to ghosts and sleeping with them which is definitely what it feels like then he was straight and he is now too and he’s my twin flame in Christianity if I’m not with Michael Rockefeller.

So you know, I’ll have to sort that out.

I want you all to pray to Christ and repent as sincerely as you can, when you can to ask for your salvation to go to Heaven in the beautiful mercy of Christ’s salvation. I don’t want to see any of you going to Hell.

And we are fixing global warming ASAP. That is our global priority. We need to figure out what it is…and how to properly fix it…but that needs to be our number one focus worldwide because it effects everyone.

I want to see Earth shattering, shocking, change like that *she snaps her fingers*. We are addressing that at fast paced genius speed no excuses it is going to be $1 trillion industry worldwide. More than trillions!! …It is going to be a windfall economically and the money that we will make off of fixing that will sustain us economically worldwide for hundreds of years. Come on! Why isn’t that so easy?!

It will be the new form of colonialism, but it will not be evil because we will learn from our mistakes, and because if we’re too evil, we’re going to end-up, just destroying the entire world. At this point we have no margin for error almost at all…so this is going to be the new form of colonialism. Do you understand colonialism as a concept? It was like a virus that spread. It was like Covid. And this competition to save the world should be like a positive form of Covid. It spreads, it’s indomitable. It never goes away, and it consumes us…for good. But not in a depressing way because we’re worshiping Christ. It’s simply us taking charge of our responsibility as humans…it’s simply us taking care of ourselves as God commanded us to when He decided that we were lovable.

Beyond that, there is no more ‘dichotomy.’ There is no more ‘polarization.’ We are done with that. There may be a war between good and evil but this anxiety addiction by globalists who are trying to make money is destroying our brains.

We are going to focus on our lifes, our lives, our life. That means focusing on details details like the thread count in our sheets, the quality of the air in our house the quality of our food on our table. What does it taste like? What are we reading? What are we watching? I expect a fascination with objective beauty to flourish. But not at the expense of truth, because there is only one pillar of truth and that is Jesus Christ.

Let us all bow to Christ, because He is our savior, and we worship Him and Him alone.

Food safety, appropriate compensation, compensation for workers, appropriate compensation for ourselves as in proper vacations, proper amounts of free time as we all need to lower our cortisol levels.

We need to sort out the global banking issue. We are clearly at a bit of a crossroads and what I think it boils down to and I might be wrong – doesn’t mean I’m not in charge – is an issue of trust. We don’t trust each other and we haven’t for a while, but I think that trust has gradually been eroding for over a 100 years. I don’t know enough about currency to make a good pronouncement but we need to figure out some way to not just mend fences and put Band-Aids on deadly issues. I actually think in some ways we’ve done incredibly well in the last 60 to 70 years…but I think we need to do a little mending because it seems as though we’re getting seasick right now on a lot of different levels, but mainly on the issue of currency and the stabilization of translating our currencies into trust. Correct me if I’m wrong please, I beg you to.

Obviously, there are fears looming on the horizons for a great many of us and I need to talk to Lem and Michael about ideas. My first instinct is to say ‘I am President Hoover and I want to tell you that you’ll have to just ride it out!’ but obviously that’s grim. And no, I don’t mean I’m actually US President Hoover reincarnated.

If you can improve on my ideas, try it! Do it! I command you too. If you can’t actually genuinely improve on these ideas do them and follow people who can. RIGHT NOW!!!!

I can ask you nicely or I can tell you in an angry mean scary way. Your inability to accept that I’m in charge doesn’t mean that I’m not in charge.

You’re just schizophrenic voices in my head. You’re just little toys that I get to play with. And so it’s time to make a fun list and you can’t do anything about it…cause you’re just schizophrenic voices in my head. …Tee hee!

1. Fix global warming

2. Stabilize world currencies

3. Loosen Christianity from archaicology but not in a ‘American liberal’ way. The opposite. Hence the freedom.

4. Devalue evil and narcissism but not at the expense of truth, hence the genuine devaluation of evil and narcissism

5. No more pedophilia. This may require Heavenly intervention.

6. Allow for fear. But not for the sake of evil. For the sake of God’s power to flourish on Earth. No more ‘NO FEAR’ slogans.

7. It’s time to slow down. We may be scared for a good reason. We may not be…but we have so many time saving devices now…so it’s time to use that time saved to think and worship God in the process.

8. Our lungs are suffering. The air is suffering. The water is suffering. It’s time to focus on that process within ourselves and within nature which harkens back to No. 1.

9. It’s time to cool down and have fun. Nothing false. Just…cool down the Earth and…let ourselves have good, old-fashioned, vulnerability producing truly innocent fun. In respectful moderation.

10. Let ourselves enjoy our depression. Let ourselves savor it like a rare, beautifully befuddling delicacy as F. Scott Fitzgerald would. This may require respect for yourself and God. Do try. It’s a lovely dish.

11. Worship Christ…but that goes without saying.

12. Space. We all need more space. Overcrowding is becoming an issue again. This one is ugly.

Maybe…number 12 is where I have to end. Because land issues actually may be the biggest issue at the moment? And if not…they worry Lacey. So she needs to pause.

I mean, the problem is we have nowhere else to go and we’ve already invaded the countryside. The countryside is burning up. The countryside is polluted. We have nowhere else to go.

In the US when immigration was a problem in the late 1800’s and early 1900’s we just made suburbs in the 1950’s…but we don’t have that luxury anymore.

“That is totally erroneous or if it’s not you scare me.” says a history professor, psychically channeled by the Illuminati.

“How is it erroneous?” asks Lacey.

Minutes later.

“It’s not.” says the professor. He’s possibly a demon conjured by the Illuminati to impersonate a history professor from one of Lacey’s colleges.

13. You must leave Lacey to God. Let her live with her kids safely and in peace or let her die in an enormous explosion with her entire family in an instant. No more conjuring demons of anxiety to suffocate her “in a rare fluke.”

“How did they actually do this to you?” asks a dead schizophrenic.

“The Illuminati lies about how psychic we all are. We read other constantly because there’s implied meanings in everyday conversations and then there’s actual definitions of words, and most people live on a certain level intuitively where they read other people instead of taking everything they hear literally. That process of listening to someone else in your head when you try to figure out ‘what they mean’ or what they’re ‘really getting at’ when you try to ‘read between the lines’ that actually is the very beginning of telepathy. And we all communicate telepathically with each other whether we realize it or not if there is telepathy. If there is an Illuminati it’s essentially just people reading each other, but then they do it to such extremes over such long periods of time that they actually start to literally hear each other like voices in their head. It’s possibly a part of our brains that we used to use in the very distant past to communicate, possibly before the fall of the Tower of Babel but then somehow we stopped using it for some purpose, for some reason.

So essentially, they made the mistake if they exist of talking to me the way that they talk to schizophrenics, which really is exactly like if someone’s bugged your house or hacked your phone or if they’re controlling algorithms on you know Twitter sending you messages on the radio. They actually do stuff like that partially because it actually is potentially a part of a schizophrenic psychotic break for most people and by imitating that, it makes people like me wonder, in sheer terror, if they’re schizophrenic or if someone is schizophrenic it just reinforces people’s view of them as schizophrenic even if they’re not entirely just schizophrenic.

I mean, they slowly worked me into it and I didn’t even know it was going on. I truly started accidentally noticing patterns, and then I couldn’t figure out what was going on on absolute horror as they worked me into this place mentally where I am now talking to them telepathically if they exist, and they very well may not…and if they don’t then it’s just a joke, right?” says Lacey.

“What were these ‘patterns?’” asks Cafe Fleur Good.

“That’s a great question!” says Lacey.

“See…it started when I was trying to find ways to gain Instagram followers. I had to pick up on patterns in the social interactions of the perfume community. So I noticed that some people were posting photos secretly to flirt with other specific followers. Or were competing in passive aggressive ways. …And I suspect brain became subconsciously fixated on discovering those patterns. So…when I’d follow people and they’d like this post but not another or etc. and etc. I’d see patterns.

One day a famous old celebrity I liked possibly liked a post I hash-tagged on Instagram with his name on it. It was unclear if it was his account or not but…I had the gut sense that it might be. My gut sense was that if it was him he was just a very polite, bored old man with love for his fans. But it still shocked me that he might actually be the one to like my post.

I followed the account. And then over the next week or two…I noticed something weird.

I’d post a dog. The next day he’d post a dog. And because I’d trained my brain to pick up on that sort of subtle behavior in the online community…it stood out to me on a gut level and intellectually. Because it just felt weird. Then I’d post a bottle of Chanel No. 22 and again…he’d post something weird…like…’Today I celebrate 22 years of sobriety!’” says Lacey. “And…that creeped me out. So I started wondering why they’d be doing this. And I wondered if it was some weird game. Like…find someone who annoys you to play mind games with. So…I decided to test things and I posted a photo of something from his last post. Sure enough…he posted something back. Like…I posted a video of me waving while he had been waving in his last photo. And his next post was of him ‘holding the sun in his hands’ artistically. And I thought…’Huh! Maybe that’s…flirting?’ But I didn’t know…so I let it go. I’m supposedly very pretty so I thought it could just be innocent flirting. …His next few posts were of totally unrelated things to kind and so it seemed to be a fluke or essentially innocuous, albeit bizarre, flirting.

Then…a fee years later…it happened again when I hash-tagged Mr. Blue. He didn’t like my post…but I had such a crush on him…and it was in my mind that some lower level celebrities at the time might actually look for hash tags of their name. He had fewer followers on Instagram than I did actually at the time… So…when he posted a photo of a turtle after I discussed seashells I was intrigued. It was…incredibly slight. Turtles have shells. But I noticed. Then the next day after I posted a carnation flower…and he posted something about funerals. …I posted a description of my favorite perfume. Chanel No. 22. The next post of his was about sexy women…and their eyes. Then I posted another perfume bottle that was brown…just to see what would happen and he said, ‘I love brown eyed women!’” says Lacey. “I have brown eyes. Then the next day…I posted a photo of my face with my brown eyes and he posted…’Send photos of your sexy faces to my email account so I have something to fall asleep to.’” says Lacey. “Then he posted his email account. It was a joke, obviously because he was married…but he was flirting with his followers.”

“Yeah, no that’s just weird. Lacey you’re right that’s weird, that’s creepy. Weird! Go on.” says a reader.

“So…then he totally disappeared from Instagram. But I was so fascinated and perplexed…and I had such a crush on him that I followed him to Twitter. I wanted to see if he was online there. I wanted to see if he’d make similar weird coincidences.

So…to investigate…I started looking for any posts that in my gut felt like comments to me. And since we’d been talking about my face I thought that might still be a topic, if there was an actual dialogue to begin with. …It kind of came up. Very briefly. He posted a photo of a sunset and said, ‘I love the darkness of the Earth set against the golden rays of sunlight. So sexy!’ And I thought, ‘Huh! I have golden blond hair. And brown eyes. And we’re still talking about sexy photos?’ I wondered if it had something to do with me. And then I liked a bunch of his posts on Twitter and posted, ‘I love sunsets!’ with a photo of a sunset. And he posted, within fifteen minutes, ‘Send me photos! I want to see the beautiful faces of my fans!’ And I was…riveted.

Within a week I was just getting started in my emerging daily routine of trying to decipher the images and coded language of Mr. Blue. …Except…I couldn’t figure out why he kept trying to discuss marriage with me. Because I stupidly assumed he was primarily talking to me for some reason. I wonder if I thought it was the same game the celebrity had been playing but just taken up a notch…so to speak. But…over time…I of course came to the hypothesis that it was Batgirl III who he was actually talking to about leaving his wife. She was a friend of his at the time. And I think they may have seemed flirtatious on ‘Twitter Code’ before being flirtatious on camera. Because that’s what I called it when I was discussing it with my ex-husband, ‘Twitter Code.’ I truly thought he’d found a way to use images and coded language to communicate with his friends on Twitter.

And I started to get my hopes up that eventually maybe he’d talk to me in person. So I didn’t send my face but I sent three emails. I think I thought that maybe since he was letting me chat with him and his friends in this silly made-up language…that maybe just maybe…I might…have a slim chance of something lovely happening. Maybe he was an eccentric, nerdy person like me. Maybe we could be authentic with each other as nerds. Romantic, fanciful, dreamy…nerds.

But…then…over a period of months I slowly…felt increasingly like I was being misunderstood. AND I was TERRIFIED when it felt like people I didn’t even know were suddenly starting to use Twitter Code. Like…I’d follow a famous journalist and they’d randomly say, ‘I hate perfume! Eww! Who wears perfume anymore?’ Or I’d follow a public intellectual and then within ten minutes they’d tweet, ‘Women in their mid 30’s with social science degrees from private colleges in Pennsylvania shouldn’t vote drunk.’ after Hilary Clinton lost. And it was sooo creepy. It was TERRIFYING. Not to mention deeply insulting. Because if I wasn’t schizophrenic…I had never been so…degraded so casually and recklessly before in my life. It was…SO WEIRD.

And then…I’d analyze these people. Because it kept happening to me over and over and over again. And I’d wonder why almost everyone who hated me fit into a specific type of person.

At any rate…it was…awful. I thought I’d died and gone to Hell.

Eventually they started talking to me telepathically. And six months later or so I had a double corneal abrasion. I wondered if I was hallucinating. I wondered if my ex-husband had started poisoning me…and was plotting to slowly kill me (hence the double corneal abrasion). Our marriage had been dying for some time. Had he been planning to find ways to murder me through isolation and eventually madness caused by poisoning. But no.

I ran off to family in Seattle. I felt like I was having a heart attack so they called 911. And in the Emergency Room they discussed my symptoms with me including the telepathic voices and they were worried about my ex-husband too. They didn’t think it was likely schizophrenia but they referred me to a respected local psychiatrist to make sure.

And so…I left the hospital. And that’s when I realized how utterly alone I was. So I prayed…and then in desperation called my ex-husband. And thankfully he was loving. He literally ran to meet me. And in absolute terror and shame I walked home with him. Because I was sure that I looked as insane as I felt. I held his hand and stared at the ground all the way, trying not to let myself experience the way I felt I looked.

My family was…mildly perplexed. I had been so resolute in my fear of him a day before. A week later my father who raised me sent us a little money and we moved. Quickly. I felt that Seattle was cursed or dangerous for me or something and actually…I’m not sure. I improved a lot in my mental clarity after we left. Literally. As a Christian Charismatic I find that premise fascinating. How a city could be so dark for one person.

At any rate…before we left…I went to a psychiatrist as prescribed by the Seattle hospital. And they told me I was depressed but otherwise sane. …To be honest…there was a woman there at the clinic who smiled at me…so knowingly…and I’ve wondered if she was in the CIA or Mossad or M6 or something…because that’s what they possibly told me…and…I thank God for her. Whether she was just being nice or smiling to indicate to me that I was safe…I thank God.

Again…we left…stayed in a hotel…and flew back to Saint Paul. Safely.

…At one point in Lower Queen Anne I thought I saw a vintage chair move across my kitchen floor. At one point in my apartment in Lower Queen Anne I may have photographed a ghost.

“The above photo was taken in my apartment in Lower Queen Anne in 2016. I didn’t add that. Is that a woman? Nobody human alive was standing there.

…But as much as demons and ghosts are terrifying…they’re ruled by God. They’re subject to Christ.

I’ve rebuked many demons. And since leaving Seattle it’s become easier to fight them. …Seattle feels very spiritually dangerous to me. Again, I don’t know why…entirely.

But…two of my best memories there are of being in possibly very haunted old houses. At least one which has likely been torn down since. I went upstairs and rummaged through an old closet and found old shoes…and elsewhere a bottle of vintage Lancôme Tresor. And I felt safer fading into the past…as I heard the telepathic, horrifying voices in my head that made me want to fall apart, shaking in agonizing terror.

‘This is telepathy. It tends to run in families.’ said Wobbly telepathically in 2016. Later a Rosicrucianist explained theories that Freemasons train their children to use telepathy. She was a random conspiracy theorist in the perfume community.

But…I was first comforted by the haunted old house. The rainy bottle of vintage Trésor. I found my mind…staring at the moon late at night in Saint Paul. Rereading my bizarrely accurate stories about Louis and Lem. Written in college before I was aware fully who they even were.

I felt dead…slightly. And God felt closer in the dark and quiet than in front of people who suddenly all seemed creepy. I had learned to trust the hope my ex-husband was safe…somewhat.

Eventually the British emerged as my favorite living voices. And Queen Elizabeth II and others who will currently go unnamed…reminded me of God.

I don’t like it. I don’t like that Louis Hill Jr. was the man who ended my bad marriage. Should he be a ghost in Purgatory. Or that he cracked jokes with me in 2017 before I even knew who he really was. It was something at 4:00 AM about ‘What if Joe Kennedy Jr. had grown-up in the James J. Hill mansion?!’ And it was some absurd, likely slightly hilarious story involving aliens.

I don’t like that my family’s money and my husband’s family’s money…was so vital in helping us survive. Could we have survived that horrific trauma otherwise? I don’t like the prospects for us without that lifeline.

And…that’s just the problem. I drift off. To British corners in the 1800’s. Or 1900’s. Or to those sort of places. For safety. Like hiding behind a mother, when you’re scared.

So…I’m glad I found them…if they exist. Not you. But…maybe you worship Christ and you’d be okay too. But…maybe better me than you anyway…if the Illuminati exists.” says Lacey.

“I hope you didn’t discover the Illuminati the way I thought I was gay. We both have a knack for finding trouble with tragically good intentions to find what’s best. …If only we could have known of each other.” says Lem to Lacey. “Time for bed.” He looks at the readers. “Don’t forget not to talk to ghosts. Talk to God.”