“Interview With Ken” by Ken

Runaway by AURORA plays.

“Hello!” says JFK. He twitches. He’s getting off meth.

“Hello!” says Ken Schiebel.

“So! You’re Jewish.” says JFK. He breathes heavy.

“You could say that.” says Ken Schiebel.

JFK stares at him. Blinks.

The song plays.

“So…I’m John Fitzgerald Kennedy. You may have heard of me.” says JFK. He laughs.

“Yeah. You were a US President.” says Mr. Schiebel.

JFK nods. Laughs. “Yes. Gotcha.”

Ken nods politely.

“You went to Harvard?” asks JFK.

“Yup.” says Ken.

“So did I!” says JFK. He rubs his forehead. “Excuse me. I need my medication.”

“You know…you looked great in your photos!” says Ken.

JFK rolls his eyes. “Do I? Do I Ken?!”

Ken cries.

“You did!!” says Ken.

JFK cries.

“Why are we crying?” says Ken.

“You remind me of my father.” says JFK. “He was a financial genius too.”

“Are you coming on to me?” asks Ken.

“I might be? That’s weird isn’t it?” asks JFK.

“Yeah.” says Ken. “Hey! Why are we doing this interview?”

JFK thinks. Stares down at the ground stupidly.

“I guess it’s…about…criminal activity.” says JFK.

“Your daughter married a Jew!” says Ken.

“Eww! Dad?” says Jack.

“No! That’s a good thing!” says Ken.

“He’s dark.” says JFK.

“But look. We both have blue eyes.” says Ken.

“My son kind of looks like…us?” says JFK. “Wow! We look alike kinda.”

“Yeah! Have you asked God about this?” asks Ken.

“I should.” says JFK laughing. He cries.

“So what criminal activity do you think I’m up to?” asks Ken.

“You’re honest?” asks JFK.

“Yes! I’m not a cheat in that way.” says Ken.

“You cheat at tennis?” asks JFK.

“No!” says Ken.

“What do you cheat at?!” asks JFK.

“I’ve cheated airlines.” says Ken. He cries.

“AIRLINES?!” asks JFK.

“Yeah. I discounted my own ticket.” says Ken.

“That’s clever.” says JFK.

“It’s wrong, Jack.” says Ken.

“Do we always have to be honest?” asks JFK.

“You should have gone to Temple.” says Ken.

“Yeah. Jesus is the Son of God.” says JFK. “But…it would have been nice to be a man.”

“You don’t think you were a man?” asks Ken.

“I was a buffoon.” says JFK.

“Could you have been my son?” asks Ken.

JFK thinks. “I can’t tell you.”

And at that JFK runs off.

“Ask God in Heaven.” suggests Joe to Ken.