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Jack accidentally emptied his sin on the heads of child hostages this morning. He decided to let them be emotionally abused. Because he can’t handle ‘what’s happened’ with Lacey and Lem.

Kiss Me by Sixpence None The Richer plays as JFK’s heart for Lem…if Lem was straight and Jack was not.

“Kiss me!” the lead singer sings.

Lacey has a tolerance for this song. Sort of like when they’ve tested her for diabetes during pregnancy.

If Lacey is illegitimate her literal grandmother wore Après L’Ondee. Or would have. Maybe she wore Jicky. Her grandmother.

“I don’t think you’re ugly.” Lem says to Lacey.

“Then what is it?” asks Lacey.

“I think I thought you were flirting.” says Lem.

“How?!?” asks Lacey.

“You’re making sighing noises in your spirit.” says Lem.

“That’s about the weather, practically.” says Lacey.

“Is it sexual at all?” asks Lem.

“I’m a sexual being.” says Lacey, inching towards being exasperated.

“So it’s impossible to parse out the sexuality.” says Lem.

“When do you answer my questions in such excruciating detail you cruel man!?!” asks Lacey.

“Never.” he says.

“So what gives you the right to be so brutal?! It’s embarrassing?” says Lacey.

“Okay. Is it sexual?” asks Lem.

“How?!?” asks Lacey after thinking.

Sneaker Pimps 6 Underground plays.

“The sighing sounds sexy.” says Lem.

“I can’t help myself. It’s my soul.” says Lacey.

Lem laughs. “What’s worth sighing over?”

“Their masculinity!” says Lacey.

“Why is that a joke?” says Lem.

“Because they’re humans.” says Lacey.

“And so are you!” says Lem.

“Yes!! And it’s depressing.” says Lacey.

“True. So we are mere humble humans.” he says.

“Yes! It’s grand because God loves us.” says Lacey.

Where I End and You Begin by Radiohead is sung by Lacey’s family.

“So we’re art?” asks the authentic cowboy who Lacey was sighing over.

“Yes!! You’re GLORIOUS!” says Lacey.

“As creatures.” says the cowboy.

“I wouldn’t call you creatures.” says Lacey. “That sounds evil.”

“Do you think your wife is ugly?! We came on to her!” says the cowboy.

“Yeee HAW!!” yells Lacey in her spirit.

“They’re cowboys, Lacey.” says Gunhild Nesheim.

“Yeah! That’s so cool!” says Lacey.

“Girl. They’re into you.” says a black man to Lacey.

“What on Earth makes you think so?” asks Lacey.

Silence.

“I mean they’re just standing there.” says Lacey, genuinely confused.

“I don’t know. But it’s something.” says a black woman.

“Can I safely look?” asks Lacey.

Her paternal grandfather turns her head.

“Oh! They’re just standing there.” says Lacey.

“I’m staring right at you!!” yells the cowboy.

“No! You’re not!” yells Lacey, enraged but controlling herself.

“In my spirit.” he says wistfully.

“Well you aren’t with your body.” says Lacey.

He grabs her boob with his spirit.

She blinks. “Huh! So people’s spirits communicate too. I had suspected that.”

Bored, Lacey considers eating pie.

“I’m sorry!” says that dead cowboy.

“I doubt it!” says Lacey. “Be careful! You’re dead.”

“But she’s secretly lusting after them?!? Right?!?” says Jonah Wiley, of Instagram and Tik Tok pedigree. He’s Irish but he refuses to accept that. He believes there are no genetics or races in America. It’s all the same to him.

“No. I’m not.” says Lacey. “At all. I don’t think? …They’re just…cowboys!!”

“Cowboys are cool!” says Jonah.

“They are! They really are.” says Lacey.

“Hey, maybe Jonah could be a cowboy?” says Adeline Craft.

Lacey smiles. “Say.” says Lacey.

“You know who looks like us?! Lem!” says the cowboy.

“Shh!” says Lacey.

“I’m not that short.” says Jonah.

Lacey looses her ability to comment.

Michael escorts her away safely.

“We are handsome.” says the cowboy.

“You are.” says Lacey fondly.

“Lacey! You like them!!” says Lana Del Rey.

“I’m not that vile!” says Lacey.

Lem laughs.

“Would you sleep with me?” asks the cowboy.

“No! Do I have to?” asks Lacey sincerely.

“No!!” yells Louis Hill Jr..

“Then what’s this about?!?” says Lacey suspiciously.

“I look like them.” says Lem, stupidly.

“You do.” says Lacey.

“Do you like that or not?” asks Lem.

“No.” says Lacey. “But they are sexy.”

He thinks. “You all really were just coming on to her.”

“Yes!” yells one of the cowboys.

“Why the fuck would you think you had to come on to them?” asks Jonah of Lacey.

“That’s an interesting hypothesis. Why-Umm… Okay. Well. Let’s see.” says Lacey. “Perhaps because there’s some genetic material needed from both of us.”

Louis Hill Jr. laughs.

“When does it become sexual for you, Lacey?” asks Louis.

“I could totally be a cowboy!” says Jonah Wiley.

“Possibly never.” says Lacey.

“Why?” asks Louis.

“Why is it supposed to be sexual?” asks Lacey.

“Because it’s how we mate. Or at least nowadays. I could tell that you had no idea.” says Louis. “So could Michael.”

“That’s improper!” says Lacey.

“True.” says Lem.

“Then why am I being berated?!?” asks Lacey.

“So what if they wanted you?” asks Lem.

“Golly. That’s a lot to ask of me.” says Lacey.

“Because they’re cowboys.” says Lem.

“Yes!!” says Lacey.

“What if they were well-dressed gentlemen like me?!?” asks Lem.

“That’s still a lot to ask.” says Lacey.

“Well they might be quite nice.” says Queen Elizabeth II.

“But it’s still quite an imposition.” says Lacey.

“But they are sexy!” says the cowboy.

“Yes!! How nice!” says Lacey.

“Is it abrasive?” asks Jonah.

“Yes. But they can’t help it. They’re cowboys.” says Lacey.

“Oh.” says that cowboy.

“Yeah! Rough job, I’m sure.” says Lacey. “The denim and stuff is useful.”

“It is.” says the cowboy.

“I don’t understand why. But it’s not my responsibility.” says Lacey, losing her temper. “I can’t be expected to sort that out for them. They’re not children.” She eyes them. “Do you ride safely? I hope.”

“Yeah!!” says one of the cowboys.

“Good. Be careful.” says Lacey.

“We will be. We are!” says one of the cowboys.

“Good. No reason to get a neck or head injury in Purgatory unless it serves some purpose.” says Lacey.

Lem weeps. Uncontrollably.

“Let’s go eat!” says a living British woman.

“Oh good.” says Lacey.

“Why is it an imposition?” asks a dead British man of Lacey.

Lacey thinks.

“I can’t afford him?” Lacey wonders.

“My. Do you think a cowboy would be expensive?” he says.

“Maybe. It’s a dangerous thing.” says Lacey.

“It is.” he says laughing.

“Well! You can’t think I won’t have to put out!” says Lacey.

He looks at her startled.

“What?!” she says. She glares at him.

He laughs. “Men put out-“ he cuts himself off. Aghast.

“Ha! Very funny.” says Lacey.

“We weren’t that lowly!” he says.

“Yeah right!” she yells.

He laughs. “Fine. Maybe we were.”

“Well…I can’t easily think it was anything else.” says Lacey.

“Maybe we were.” he says.

“We started falling apart.” says Lacey.

He nods in agreement.

“Anyway, cowboys. What do you think you’d have to pay for?” he asks. He laughs.

“He’s irresponsible.” says Lacey.

He laughs. “He might be.”

“He wasn’t raised well.” says Lacey.

“Most cowboys weren’t.” he says.

“Right. Well. What do people expect of me?” asks Lacey.

“He’s not British.” he says.

“No. That’s completely different.” says Lacey.

“Yes. Those blokes are…rarely appealing to you?” he asks.

“True. Seemingly.” says Lacey.

He laughs. “It’s nonsensical to expect you to be a man.”

“Why do they expect that?” asks Lacey.

“Because they wanted to be us.” he says.

“That’s not how Britain works! At all!” says Lacey. “It’s REPULSIVE!”

“You’re right.” he says.

“No. We’re totally disorganized. It’s a mess. But…it’s less…hurtful.” says Lacey.

“Because the poor inks it’s rubbish?” he asks.

“They know? Right? But…it’s also not. Are we confused?” says Lacey.

He thinks. “We want to be superior.” he says.

“But why?” says Lacey.

“True.” he says.

Thinking.

“Those of us with a heart know this maybe.” he says.

“And why?” asks Lacey.

“Because we’re all hoping for Heaven!” he says.

“Yes! Glorious Heaven!!” says Lacey.

“And you know if reincarnation is true and in the Bible Lem was supposed to die in the war or from a disease not Joe. And possibly not Jack either. Actually I don’t think you’re supposed to have anything to do with that family but but if it is true, no definitely love was supposed to die not Joe, they made a horrific mistake.” he says.

J. S. Bach: Suite for Cello played perversely by a guitar plays.

“Andrés Sergovia!” says Lacey ready to kill him.

“Sorry!” says Andrés.

“You knew what you were doing! Didn’t you?! Don’t lie!” says Lacey. “You hideous dog?!?”

“Why didn’t Jack let Lem die??” asks Andrés.

“You figure it out!!” yells Lacey.

“Probably because every time Lem used heroin he was fucking your pussy. Literally. If reincarnation is in the Bible.” says Andrés. “And he couldn’t let Lem die in that state of grace.” He thinks. “If Lem was straight Lem was a very broken man. Every time he used he thought of you. And your body not a man and not Jack.”

“If reincarnation is true I waited too long.” says Lacey.

“So…you waited for Lem…to go to actual HEAVEN…but you felt rejected and left?” asks a psychic.

“Yes! If reincarnation is in the Bible.” says Lacey.

Andrés scoffs. “You know…why doesn’t he understand that?”

“It feels like he’s abandoned me.” says Lacey.

“Even though every time he used heroin he got high off your body?” asks Andrés. “Or anything else.”

“Yes! My body is nothing to him!” says Lacey enraged to Andrés.

“That’s not true!!” yells a Spanish woman.

“I was going to say that. But they silenced me!” yells Andrés.

“What was your body like?” asks the Spanish woman.

“We’re watching you!” yell hundreds of thousands of dead cowboys at the Illuminati.

“It was very curvy.” says Lacey. “But I was tiny.”

“He was big?” asks JFK.

“He had a huge penis. And compared to me he felt like a man. Maybe he was…five foot ten inches?” says Lacey.

“Or five feet…eleven?” asks Niles from Frasier.

“Yes!” says Lacey.

“So you weren’t androgynous?!” asks the British man eating North Dakota chokecherries in fresh cream.

“No!” says Lacey.

“They are desperate.” he says.

“Why??” asks Lacey.

“Apparently everyone in the Illuminati who’s not tough, Christian or old money is terrified that Lem was heterosexual.” says the British man.

“How stupid. He probably was heterosexual.” says Lacey.

“I know.” he says.

“Say! Let’s keep talking.” says Lem.

“Fine. But I’m going to get really angry if you hurt her!” says the British man.

Lem cries. “I should have shot myself. But then everyone was going to think I was in love with Jack.”

“Right. Lacey might not have.” says the British man.

“Lem. You broke her heart first. If reincarnation isn’t in the Bible then it’s false. But…you broke her heart first.” says the British man.

“That’s…not…possible?” says Lem.

“Why?!” asks Lacey.

“Because I’m just Lem!” he says.

“Oh! Lem is disgusting?” asks Lacey.

Lem laughs. They’re both teenagers now.

“What’s so funny?!” asks Lacey, extremely hurt.

“You’re a girl!” he says.

“Boy and girls are commonly known to have intercourse. What are you upset by?” asks Lacey.

He stares into her eyes.

He laughs.

(Adult content below – this was added after Lem came on to Lacey)

“Why are you laughing at me?” asks Lacey.

“Because I want to kiss you!” says Lem. He laughs.

“Don’t tease me!” she says.

“Well alright I won’t tease you.” he says as places his hand on her hand.

“You can’t just place your hand on mine. That’s a violation!” says Lacey.

He grabs her hand.

“Well that’s allowed.” says Lacey.

“Why is that allowed?” he asks laughing.

“Because you’re holding my hand. It’s sexual. But it’s also comforting.” says Lacey.

He lets go of her hand and stands behind her.

She ignores it politely.

He kisses her neck.

“What if someone sees us?” she says.

“I don’t think anyone will see us.” says Lem into her right ear.

“What are we doing?” asks Lacey.

And at that Lem kisses her ear.

An hour later they’ve made love. Without protection at age 16.

Nine months later they have a baby.

Their parents are shocked. Slightly.

They marry.

They stay married until death.

Happily married.

…

And if this blog is accurate and Lem was straight and Lem is in love with Lacey in Heaven Cillian Murphy says,

“What is that?!” in imitation of himself at age 3. He points to an air duct overhead.

“It’s an air duct!” says an old man politely.

“What?!” he asks baffled to make fun of evil because presumably, if Cillian Murphy is to be trusted, he would not have continued asking.

“It’s an air duct!” says JFK.

“Yeah.” says Cillian Murphy.

“Isn’t that…suspicious?” asks JFK.

“Yeah! Isn’t that suspicious?” asks Kick.

“No. Not really. …Why does it seem suspicious to you?” asks Cillian Murphy.

“They traffic children through air ducts.” says JFK.

“Do they? Huh. They might. It’s still an air duct though…” says Cillian Murphy.

“It looks like an air duct to me too.” says Erin Murphy.

“Hahaha!” laughs JFK.

“What do you think it is?” asks Erin.

“It’s the veins of a giant spider.” says JFK.

“Are we inside the spider, Jack?” asks Zelda.

“No. See…I’m lucid. Organized all of this. Not Lacey.” says JFK. “Lem is in love with me.”

“Organized what? The spider?!?” asks Cillian.

“Don’t tease me!” yells JFK.

Cillian laughs.

JFK stands-up and throws metal folding chairs. Thankfully seemingly nobody was hurt.

“Why are you angry Jack?” asks Erin.

“You know…your grandmother was a Murphy!” says a Murphy.

JFK laughs. “We’re so smart!” he says. Then he vomits.

“I’m a Murphy too!” says Joe Jr.. Actually in Heaven he might be Joe Kennedy Sr. as Pat may have had a baby.

“I’m a Murphy too.” says JFK.

“Then why isn’t that just an air duct?” asks Erin Murphy. She may be an honorary member of Tri Delta.

Fuel To Fire by Agnes Obel plays.

“Because…it’s…a metal…” He motions upward at it. “VENT!”

Erin closes her eyes and cries.

“What’s so evil about metal?” asks Jill Schiebel.

“It’s made by corporations.” says JFK.

“I’m all ears!” says Jill.

“Huh. That’s funny. I bet you’re owned by corporations. Baby wipe sales. I know your game!” says JFK.

“Did Brett decide supernatural sex was…dull?” ask Erin Murphy.

“I can’t hurt him.” says JFK.

Erin laughs.

“So! You think I’m selling children?” asks Ken Schiebel.

“Yeah! What of it!?” says JFK.

“We don’t sell children. I did sell baby wipes.” says Jill Schiebel.

“That’s funny.” says JFK pleasantly.

“Did you break up with Brett or did he break up with you?” asks Chris Dodds.

“It was…complicated.” says JFK.

“Yeah. What was the sex like for him?” asks Chris Dodds.

“He didn’t feel it!!” yells JFK.

“He did at first!” says Chris Dodds.

“He thought so.” says JFK.

“And then it got weird.” says Chris.

“At first.” says JFK.

“We don’t sell kids.” says Ken Schiebel.

“I know what you do for a living.” says JFK.