Bragging For The Kill?

The Supreme Illusion by Thievery Corporation plays.

“Lacey just is very Christian. Her whole family is.” says a Jefferson student.

“That’s my viola. My parents bought it for $800 in 1998.” says Lacey. “It’s German. It has a great sound. With inflation it would cost $1,5013.32.” She thinks. “My teeth were essentially almost exactly perfectly straight. My parents spent $11,349.91 or more, with inflation, on them over a period of eight years.”

“You went to the best orthodontist?” asks Gen. Z.

“Yes!” says Lacey.

“And the viola was new?” asks Gen. Z.

“Yes!” says Lacey. “But it had a great tone.”

“Lacey I bet it was closer to $2,648.31 with inflation.” says the CIA.

“You’re right. I forgot.” says Lacey. “It cost $1,400.00.”

I Might Be Wrong by Radiohead plays.

“I spent hundreds of Dollars in the fiscal years of 2009 and 2010 tanning. I also purchased glass bottles of Dr. Hauschka oil. I think it was called Balancing Day Oil.” She thinks. “Regularly. Monthly. And Thayer’s Witch Hazel. I used them daily. Very carefully. And washed my face with water.” She thinks. “I had acne before I started washing my face with water.”

“Where was this?” asks Casi.

“A posh bed and breakfast in the Bahamas in 2010.” says Lacey.

“And where was the dress from?” asks Casi.

“One of those-American Apparel.” says Lacey.

“Why do you have tan lines?” asks Casi.

“I refuse to wear sunscreen. I don’t need it. Some people do. I don’t. Seemingly.” says Lacey. “And I have very sensitive skin.”

“Dammit! You’re editing these photos at all.” says Casi.

“No! Of course not.” says Lacey sincerely.

“I’m pregnant and married here at age 35. That’s my first Louis Vuitton Noé. It was restored by Louis Vuitton. I saved a few hundred off retail. Those are Birkenstocks. My clothes are maternity from Macy’s. My teeth will be straightened for $5,000 we’ll pay out of pocket. My skincare routine was expensive. I’m too bored to try that much to recall. Deal with it.” says Lacey.

“That’s a new Barbour vest from Neiman Marcus. He shirt is Ralph Lauren from Bloomingdales. I’m using expensive facial products as always. The handbag is vintage Mark Cross. The tweed hat is a vintage Scottish tweed hat.” says Lacey.

“There’s my first cousin’s mansion again.” says Lacey.

“The jacket was from J. Crew in 2010. The scarf was from someone who did missionary work and bought it overseas. The jeans are from The Express. The rest of the clothes are from J. Crew. Expensive hair. Mark took the photo. I spent hundreds on my hair regularly. Expensive perfume. Expensive hotel. Expensive skincare.” says Lacey.

Nancy (top left), Casi (top right), Lacey (bottom left), and Linn (bottom right). Linn and Lacey are Nesheims and legal first cousins. Casi and Nancy are haters from the perfume community on Instagram.

The Last Man by Clint Mansell & Kronos Quartet plays.

Nancy grew-up in a slum in Philadelphia but with Catholicism and so she went to a bunch of private Catholic schools, likely as a charity case. She developed a love for Audrey Hepburn and a dream to escape her poverty by wearing Birkins and driving BMW’s or Mercedes. Casi was raised poor in Tennessee or Kentucky with a strong family. Her mother owned a hair salon.

Lacey and Linn are Nesheims.

Troy…is Linn’s husband. He’s at Linn’s right in this photo of them.

“Edith by Chanel lipstick. Longine’s Dolce Vita. Purchased from Weir & Son’s in Dublin. Gap shirt. Real, cultured pearls from Bloomingdales, expensive skincare of course, Coolibar hat purchased new in 2022.” says Lacey.

“In our (my) loft in Saint Paul where we had the maid once a week. We only paid $1,400 a month. That’s $1,831.21 a month now.” says Lacey. “It was relatively cheap. But we only had one child. The maid was $5,000 and with inflation would be $6,540.05. That’s a vintage Dutch wool shirt in plaid. The jacket is new from The North Face. The lipstick is 999 by Dior. The hair is expensive. The skincare is vey expensive. I bought Tata Harper Boosted Contouring Serum several times back then. The makeup is expensive. I slightly shrunk my head in this photo because this is more what I looked like and whitened my teeth some but that’s all. I as far prettier than this.

The photos in back are from the 1930’s or so. The display case is Ikea. That vintage and antique china and glass is worth thousands of Dollars. I have very exquisite and cultivated good taste. The chair was purchased from Slumberland for $600 in 2013. It would go for $796.46 today.” says Lacey.

“My second cousin Gwen. Her husband was a judge. They built this house new on Port Townsend in the 2000’s after selling their Victorian house.” says Lacey.

“My ex-husband and his younger brother Robert. Mark is sitting and Robert is balancing himself awkwardly. As teenagers. He almost went to Loomis Chaffee.” says Lacey.

“My dirty kitchen and my Martha Stewart roast thing I bought for $150 from Macy’s in 2013. It’s great!” says Lacey.

“Here are a few of my favorites from Glow Recipe.” says Lacey.

“I had braces on my teeth in this photo. And it’s creepy how the rest of my face looks more normal. …Lilly Pulitzer jewelry and dress.” says Lacey.

“At my heaviest. On vacation. I weighed 165 lbs. here.” says Lacey. “In 2019.” She thinks. “No editing. I had just given birth six months earlier.”

“A hard copy first edition of my great granduncle’s most famous novel.” says Lacey. “This is my living-room in 2019.”

“My dirty kitchen. We paid $10,000 to restore the wood trim in our kitchen this spring. We need new appliances. Although we have a new dishwasher for $1,000 though. And we’re going to replace the overhead light fixtures and countertops. That’s thousands of Dollars on the countertops.” says Lacey.

“Pants were size 00 from Aerie, shoes were old Lilly Pulitzer, I bought the jacket new from Reiss for $440 twice because it was stolen by a maid the first time. Expensive hair.” says Lacey. “We bought the $11,000 ring on this vacation.”

“More of my expensive skincare.” says Lacey.

“A brisket in 2019.” says Lacey.

“Expensive saffron.” says Lacey.

“My 1940’s secretarial in my living-room in 2019.” says Lacey. Those are expensive, prestigious vintage and antique books. And that is a glass from my 1930’s glass collection.” says Lacey.

“Used.” says Lacey.

“My prestigious stuff in my living-room.” says Lacey.

“My house in 2019. We…shouldn’t have bought it. But my husband thought it was a wise financial decision. It’s complicated.” says Lacey. “And the Illuminati was torturing me.”

“An antique champagne glass. My ex. In our krichen on New Year’s 2020.” says Lacey.

“Lacey looks gay. She’s straight. And cis. But it’s a good photo of her profile from 2009.” says Lem.

“Ugly knees.” says Lacey. “And what it going on with my eyebrows?!?”

“Thomas Banks’s profile.” says Lem.

“Lacey and Mark at her mom’s where she threw the rings off the balcony.” says Cale. “They were better looking than this. In 2010. …And in 2012. …Wow!” He thinks. “That’s the Art Deco ring in Seattle. And no. Her neck isn’t that weird.”

“Her hair! And boobs! Hands?!? Eww! But she was allowed to have a fairly normal chin here though.” says Scott.

“This is better but Jack ruined her eyes here.” says Scott.

“She’s not this masculine. But it’s not bad.” says Scott.

“My Schoenbek Chandelier. From H & B Galleries in Minneapolis.” says Lacey. “In my dining room.”

“Her first roasted duck. On a Limoges platter from the 1940’s or so.” say Lem. “It was delicious!”

“Me wishing I could eat her duck. Instead of being Jack’s toxically patronizing ‘best friend.’ …Seriously I was thinking about sex with Lacey here to survive psychologically.” says Lem.

“Another of Lacey’s senior year photos.” says Lem. “Limited pants. Nine West shoes. Knit sweater. …Her hands weren’t this bad in the original. But her beauty is still underrated here.”

“The outside of a rich person’s house.” says Louis Hill Jr..

“Mark in Luzern, Switzerland in 2011.” says Harold Loeb.

“Not the Queen’s head.” says Prince Philip.

“Why haven’t people been more awakened by your wine cellar?!” asks Lacey of Ken Schiebel.

“I spent thousands on those bottles.” says Ken Schiebel.

“My sterling silver Edwardian tea pot.” says Lem. He winks at Lacey lovingly and she’s confused but loves him.

“Mark’s father’s porch.” says Lem. “In Sewickley.”

“Tonette Nesheim.” says Lem. “In the 1940’s.”

“Our silversmith in Norway.” says Aasne Nesheim, Paula’s mother.

“Our dining room in Sewickley!” says Jill Schiebel.

“It was lovely!” says Lacey.

“The Victorian we sold.” says Gwen.

“More used shoes.” says Lem.

“More of my skincare products.” says Lacey.

“My study.” say Ken Schiebel.

“Jack Kennedy.” say Jan Hertel.

“Genevra King.” says Lacey.

“A Kelly!” says Nancy in the afterlife. “KELLY!” she screams to get the hint across.

“Lacey looks awful. But Chris looks great. Here I am while we were dating.” says Chris. “Wow she looks awful. At least Jack was nice to Lem in that way.”