Marci Loves Davy

Treb Allen’s wife is Hispanic. And she has brown eyes.

“She reminds me for better or worse of Gloria from Modern Family.” says a woman.

“Oh! I can see him going for that type of female human.” says Lacey.

“So not like you?” asks his grandmother.

“Not wildly different than me. But different enough to sting.” says Lacey. “I really did have a crush on him.”

“So you know the differences?” asks his great uncle.

“Yes!” says Lacey.

“What are they?” asks his great uncle.

“Umm…she’s more flamboyant than me. Possibly.” says Lacey. “I’m more crisp and British and elegant. But….she’s likely more…well…Hispanic. It’s a sexy culture.” says Lacey.

“She’s not sexier than you.” says his great uncle who’s white.

“No. She’s really not.” says Lacey. “But…it’s a different kind of sexiness.”

“Well…I like our white sexiness.” says his great uncle.

“I do too! I love Godly differences. But I do prefer white men. Lem is very white.” says Lacey.

“If anything he’s more black looking than white.” says a black man.

“Yes! But he’s still just white.” says Lacey.

“Yeah.” says a black woman.

“Why can’t you just let him look like you slightly but be white?!?” asks RuPaul.

They think.

“I looked white too.” says Louis.

“Me too!” says Scott.

“I’m really the only exception.” says Harold Loeb.

“You just don’t like dark skin!” says a Hispanic man to Lacey.

“I don’t like it in that way.” says Lacey.

“That’s all???” asks a black man.

“Why is that a problem?” asks Lacey.

“Dammit!” says a black man who only finds black women arousing.

“Can you help that?” Lacey asks him.

“Not really. They’re just so much hotter to me.” he says.

“I relate to you.” says Lacey. “Why am I any different than him?!?” she begs.

“I agree!” shouts Treb’s great uncle.

“I do too! Y’all are sick!” says the black man who prefers black women.

“I don’t get it. Isn’t she racist?!” asks Caroline Kennedy about Lacey.

“I love black women.” says the black straight man who prefers black women.

“No. She’s not a pedophile. She’s not attracted to inanimate objects. She’s not attracted to black men. …Can we try to comprehend that?!?” asks Barack Obama.

“But she’s attracted to men.” says the black man who only finds block women attractive like it’s very suspicious.

Lacey laughs.

Barack Obama smiles.

“No. I just like black women.” he says. “It’s not a superiority thing for me. I just like them better.”

“It gets weird to overanalyze it.” says Lacey.

“I agree.” says the man who prefers black women.

“Could you two be friends? Like actual friends?” asks Marci.

“Yes!” he says.

Lacey agrees.

“What else do you two have in common in your tastes?” asks Treb.

“We both love Africa. Jazz. Studying history. Art! …I’m a very intelligent man.” he says.

“And as heartbreaking as that is…I can’t be married to everyone!” says Lacey, exasperated.

“Yeah. They don’t get it.” he says, sadly.

“I do tend to prefer black women, to be honest. But…sometimes on rare occasions I find an occasional white woman attractive.” says another well-off, intelligent black man.

“That’s lovely.” says Lacey.

“Yes! It’s just a matter of finding the right black woman.” he says, with some sadness.

Silence.

“But you understand why Treb liked Marci?” asks his great granduncle.

“Yes! I think so?” says Lacey.

“Her…slightly dark beauty?” says Lacey. “Her…edge.” She thinks. “He is straight, right?”

“I think so.” says his great grandmother.

“Then I imagine he likes women.” says Lacey.

“He might like more totally obviously large breasts.” says his cousin.

“That’s a preference thing, I imagine.” says Lacey.

“Yeah. It is.” he says, sadly.

“Well…that’s fine. It’s not the end of my existence.” says Lacey.

He cries.

“Why is that so sad?” asks Lacey, confused and inquisitive.

“Because I think a lot of people feel superior to you because they have more obviously large breasts.” says his cousin.

“And you’re crying over their…vanity?” asks Lacey.

“Over mine.” he says. “I’m vain too.”

“Well…what are we supposed to do?! You lied about it.” says Lem.

“I feel bad she’s not loved. But then I feel even worse that I’m not wining. Dammit! She’s extremely beautiful!” he yells.

Lacey tries not to laugh.

“I do exist.” says Lem.

He smiles slightly.

“YOU’RE DEAD!!” he yells.

More later.

“I am dead. But I’m better for her than any living man. And if God’s allowing it and condoning it…I’m her husband.” says Lem.

“Why argue. She’s with me if it fails with Lem.” says Michael.

“And it’s not going to.” says Lem.