And at that a hateful white trash singer turns into a literal half man and half bull. He’s no longer able to have sex with women. He’s an animal-human. Will he go back or be stuck that way for centuries in Purgatory?
“I don’t dingdongdang believe in Purgatory! I got Jesus!” he says, arrogantly. “There is no such place called Hell. There is no such place called Purgatory. There is just Heaven!!! Loser! And I like things up it in my ass and I like my cock and I like to put it in things…and I like to eat those done dingdong grass on the ground…and I like to play with my feet in the mud in my boots.”
“And when you’re stuck that way in Purgatory for centuries, we shall pray for you if we are able?” says an actress.
“It’s OK! I’ll explain why he’s mad.” says Chris Hayes.
“My father is going to have to declare war on the Illuminati because you’re holding me hostage and the CIA attacked our house. I need to warn you again because you don’t seem to understand what I’m saying.” says Lacey Banks, calmly.
“It’s too late, my son has to run for US President and he has to occasionally drop hints so there’s an Illuminati and he has to make an ass of himself at times…because that’s what we agreed to in the 1920s. We don’t have a choice, Joe.” explains Bobby Kennedy Senior to his older brother.
“I just don’t get why Lem! Why Lem?!?” says Joe.
“Because they’re obviously made for each other by God and doesn’t it just seem eerie to you that he was already involved in our family with all of our drama and our intrigue and then we’re in the same church will call it…as Lacey‘s family even if we’re very loosely connected, we’re in the phonebook so to speak. Joe it’s not that much of a stretch, even if Lem and Jack were often Hell for each other and off-the-wall to even be friends with other, it did happen, and Lacey and Lem were already made for each other before that even happened. It could even be part of what happened! Right?! It’s a very sick, sad, fallen world. So why Lem? OK…because Lem’s old money and so are the Banks! And yeah I know they’re different than us and yet we work with them it’s business it’s loyalty and we don’t have a choice. But…they’re more alike? Does that make sense?” says Bobby to his older brother.
“Fine! But I just think Lacey and I look really hot together! But it’s cute too because it’s like her father was a bootlegger. My father was a bootlegger. Her father owned a nightclub and saloons. My dad‘s family owned a saloon and then like she’s like a little lakes gal and I’m like the ocean…and it’s just it’s cute. I just I liked the idea. It was kind of fun and it’s not that I’m trying to be a problem or a pest it’s just I liked the idea of it…and then like I could’ve run for US President and we would’ve had a really pretty White House…and I just-it’s a really fun idea.” says Joe Kennedy Junior. “The other thing is that I just I don’t understand why she finds him so hot! Like I get that her and Lem have an amazing sexual chemistry but then it’s like what does that mean because I have that kind of chemistry with Pat Wilson, but then I’m hot in a way that she’s not. And I don’t like that because I what does that mean?
I’m not the woman in the relationship Bobby! And I just can’t figure out what that means. It’s just really upsetting.
Ahh…like I don’t wanna be the pretty one. I want a wife who is the pretty one and then I want to be the protector with like the big ocean? And I get it. I get it! Okay, they’re made for each other fine! I’m just saying on a certain aesthetic level it irritates me, and it’s true that I love Pat. I love Pat! And everyone loves Pat. We all love Pat! I love Pat. Okay, but I don’t-I don’t get it.”
“Umm…but they really are meant for each other, Joe. And I don’t have time to sit here and explain to you how everything works because we’re currently fighting a war and we’re trying to figure out if we can trust the CIA or if we just need to leave the establishment? Or if I need to kill Ethel or if my kids could end up dead again or if there’s going to be a bigger war or what’s going to happen because this is sort of a big deal, it’s like a code red OK? So, will look into all those questions at some point! And we’ll explore them all. But right now is not the optimal time.” says Bobby.
“I feel really slighted and that pisses me off but OK.” says Joe.
Meanwhile.
Época by Gotan Project plays.
“Let me explain.
I am an heir to a very large oil fortune, my family founded some company at some point that started the ball rolling. I don’t know if I am a Rockefeller reincarnated or if I could actually you know would be married to one, when I’m dead for eternity because that’s how soulmates work I’m a way…but I’m kind of a big deal.” says Chris Hayes.
“Okay so this is like an allegory?” says Lacey.
“Anyway you could call it that? I’m just trying to explain to you what’s going on and you just don’t seem to understand.
Okay…there’s a man who went to a jungle in the 1960s and I have had interactions with him or I am him. I can’t tell if I’m channeling my higher-self or if I am spiritually sexually connected to him but it seems like we’re basically one. And I don’t mean that in the sense of like Nirvana, I mean that in the sense of like us being one flesh the way that Christians would explain it.
Now prepare for your mind to be blown. I am here to take you with me to the FBI headquarters in Washington DC because I intercepted a telepathic conversation you were having with him and it was really that offensive to me Lacey.” says Chris Hayes.
“What was I saying to him telepathically that was so offensive?” asks Lacey.
“You know it’s really neither here nor there, it’s just that you were saying things like, ‘Hey. come get it sugar! I know you like it hot! I’ve got it fresh!’ You know? It was shit like that and being him I felt raped…or you know having a connection to him that no one understands…I just felt like you were going too far. Knowing him like I do I can say for an fact that he doesn’t need that kind of bad energy.” says Chris Hayes.
“Well did it seem like it was directed towards you or did it seem like I was directing it towards him?” asks Lacey.
“OK maybe it wasn’t directed towards me. I can concede that even though that’s like a huge imposition…but I can try to concede that and I just want you know that’s really hard for me but I have I will try to concede that. You know I’m a humanist and I’m really progressive so I’ll totally try to concede that just give me a second. OK point taken it might not have been directed towards me personally. I understand that it was directed towards another entity. But I’m still going to claim that you raped me even though you didn’t know you were talking to me because I get to do that being in the Illuminati and then I get moral superiority over you. So I’m never going to give that up even though you’ve had no idea you’re talking to me because it makes me feel better than you and that’s what’s important. OK? See that’s what’s really important. That’s what matters, that’s what’s important.
That being said and understood between us we’re not friends and I still hate you. I’m still taking you to the FBI headquarters in Washington DC but um like you might’ve been you might’ve been trying to talk to him and I don’t know what else to say because I’m confused now, and I need to call my guide and see if she can clarify for me what the next steps are.” says Chris.
Chris dials his witch guide in the Illuminati on speed dial.
“Lisa! Hey bitch!” says Chris. “So yeah I’ve got Lacey in the back. Don’t worry, don’t worry! Calm, calm yourself! Who? Yeah, love you too. Yeah I love you too. Right back at you forever. OK yes. I’m kissing the wind. Yes I’m crossing my fingers. It’s cool, good vibes in the car!
OK alright….so here’s the thing…umm Lacey was trying to aim her sexual invitations to another entity. Yeah I know I was a really big kind person and I considered that. So it wasn’t rape if she didn’t know what she was doing and she was just talking to someone else the whole time, like even if I overheard it it wasn’t rape. Right? Like you’re sure it wasn’t? OK fine maybe it wasn’t..but like yeah I know it’s really kind of mean. Right? So…see that-but the thing is! Lisa…LISA…I’ve just decided that like we really don’t like know who she’s talking to…and I’m a little worried”
“Hi Lacey, Lacey Banks this is Lisa. I am in the Illuminati. Hi, how are you doing this evening?” says Lisa.
“I trust Lisa implicitly! I trust her to trust the process. So breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out and trust the process.” says Chris Hayes.
“Hi Lisa, this is Lacey Banks. I was just kidnapped from my house and I’m a little worried that my father is declaring war on the entire world right, right now.” says Lacey Banks.
“Oh wow that’s interesting. Why would your father be doing that?” says Lisa.
“Because I’m being violently kidnapped and I just about had my neck snapped off and now I have a concussion…and neck damage…and I’m in the backseat of a car being held hostage and I just read that you’re kidnapping children too and selling them so there’s probably a lot of reasons, but those are the two biggest ones.” says Lacey.
“OK, but Lisa, Lisa, this has nothing to do with why we started talking to her. I started talking to her because I’m mad. Lisa remember the conversation we had my love. Let me cradle you in my arms with my love, Lisa, hear my soul.” says Chris Hayes.
“Dammit Lisa that gets me every single time. What demon do you used to hold my soul that well? I can never get over it.” says Lisa.
“It’s just a demon that I conjure every once in a while and probably because I’m a sort of psychopath at times and there’s like an element of confusion in it.” says Chris Hayes.
“Chris the thing is…I know that like demons are like family friendly creatures if you could like befriend them and so even though it’s like you’re a psychopath and shit like that at times…we’re friends so it’s all cool. Ah…but I just wanted to say that like I am, I am not sure where we’re going in this conversation at this point…and I have yoga and I have a fruit bowl waiting for me that’s chilled and I don’t want to reach. Let’s kind of hurry honey?” says Lisa.
“Alright I feel you!
I’m sorry I farted earlier today and I thought of you and I’m like dammit my digestive system is so heavenly right now. I am like in the zone and my Zen is like to die for…so thank you sweetie. Thank you for your love, and your mercy. I just I am-I think it’s mostly just that like I feel like my home is being invaded by like this killer beast of a woman and it’s like shit like is bothering me. So I decided to go to her house and like I have so many good friends because of everyone and I just decided to like get you all in on it because we’re all together and so it’s just like they went and they invaded her house and it helps me like we planned but now like…I’ve got this like peasant-rich-bitch in my car…and it’s like who are the Banks in England anyway, and she’s trying to insist her father is a big deal but they were like farmers when they started a New Amsterdam and the Banks sound like what a lot? Ahh…but they weren’t like royalty so I’m just like whatever bitch! Like…you were poor once somewhere even if it was 1000 years ago and it was just mild poverty so get over yourself.
Anyway, I’m gonna be the bigger person because I’m a true elite and I am like kind of a big deal and I understand that about myself fully so I am just going to like tap in and just start speaking truth into her life and hope that something good can come from this.” says Chris.
“Alright we’re all down for it. I have everyone and Illuminati on board who I can contact and they’re all going to have to die if they don’t go along with this, and we don’t have time to think about it and we trust you baby, we trust you baby!” says Lisa.
“OK so Diego… Let’s not get into Diego because that’s just way too much drama.” says Chris. “But anyway, I’ve decided that Michael Rockefeller is me right or that there are some other entities that we can call Michael Rockefeller for the time being before he becomes one with everyone and he is my other half. He is my other half…and I’m just really sad Lisa because Lacey was coming out to him sexually. I heard her coming on to him and I’m just really upset.” says Chris, crying.
“Chris I understand it’s amoral and it is one of the biggest travesties of the entire universe.” says Lisa.
“But like we know that Michael is in love with me. And like Diego has a problem with that and like Kate is just like whatever is best for you, so no it’s fine it’s just like I’m bothered by the fact that she thinks that she could be with him when it’s so fucking obvious that we’re obviously together. I mean how many times have you and I sat in your living-room and ride that used broom and the tarot cards using scion says using witchcraft you know. I mean it’s just obvious. Lisa…it’s so obvious.” says Chris.
“Chris this is why I’m a witch and not a Catholic or a scientist because at the end of the day you can make anything sound stupid that’s why you were a philosophy major Chris because you can make anything seem stupid. I mean…to have it written? Totally matrix. There’s no bad! And there are no people that are sick! No, it’s all just in our imagination Chris. Chris, it’s all just imagination! And see how I did that? That’s why I know. Chris, that’s why I know that you and Michael are twin flames because it’s all just in my mind, nothing is real. It’s just in my mind.” says Lisa.
“Yeah, you understand completely why I am in love. Lisa, you are my hope! …But like I’m still angry for some reason…and I don’t know why. I don’t know why am angry because like I know it’s just all my imagination, but like I said, I feel like I’m experiencing something that some people who are so peasant and so sheeple would probably label like…hurt and anger.” says Chris Hayes.
“OK so we’re just gonna go down the bunny trail because I can tell that it’s real. I can tell that you’re hurt and angry.” says Lisa.
“Can I just interject again – because it sounds like you’re just spouting off nonsense to appease him and that’s actually quite dangerous, considering that you’re the Illuminati if you’re real – that my father is declaring war on you and like that’s real.” says Lacey.
“Yeah…you know I don’t really know what your father can even do to us because we’re the Illuminati and we’re really powerful!” says Lisa.
“How long is it gonna take her to understand that like we’re a secret society and we have all the money bitch!?” says Chris.
“When is it gonna start to be about me? Can I make it about me? Oh my God! Gay men will believe that she’s me reincarnated? Oh my god that’s so cool, that’s my in!” says JFK.
“Hold on, I don’t really give a fuck if you’re like coming onto my husband because you’re Jack reincarnated you just whatever you came onto my husband and I am just dealing with the pain and trauma.” says Chris Hayes.
“OK so let’s try to kill her by like making her choke on her spit or suffocating her to death using her nervous system and if that doesn’t work we’ll torture her family or I don’t know we’ll figure something cool out! So don’t worry, don’t worry.” says Lisa.
“OK but like you said you control all the money?” says Lacey.
“Yeah, totally! That is my exciting. Oh my gosh I am so excited. Oh my gosh.“ says Chris.
“OK so like Chris we don’t control like everything but we control like most things so like Bill Gates is calling me and he’s hearing this conversation and he’s a little scared because an oil well just blew up in the ocean and there is like huge fallout of oil like everywhere and they’re a little worried that like it’s connected spiritually to this conversation given the timing of it…because it blew-up when you told her that you were Michael Rockefeller to begin with. Like that was the exact moment that it blew-up. I know who that’s who it is sweetie because we’ve talked about Michael a lot and that’s when the oil rig blew-up. Like it just-so I’m like just spontaneously-It like exploded in the ocean and there’s like oil everywhere and it’s just kind of weird, but like don’t worry. I’m just saying it’s like kind of weird. So we should probably just like ask her more questions because I’m a little like intrigued.” says Lisa.
“Oh no, we can rule that out. That has nothing to do with this. I’m positive.” says Chris.
“OK OK well now I’m hearing that there is like a hurricane that just destroyed umm…a mansion that was owned by a man who is making a lot of money for the DNC. And ythat like 30,000 kids were just killed in the process and that we are not able to locate Hillary Clinton‘s body double and we’re a little worried that she was abducted by aliens…and there’s some weird new disease that’s spreading? And Bill is worried that there’s going to be other diseases and holy cow 20,000 people are currently in hospitals and were worried that at least 5,000 to 10,000 of them are going to die? OK well that’s weird. I mean there’s always ongoing pandemics but this new disease has a strange name. Like…it’s called the iambbeingheldhostage disease. OK that’s strange. I don’t know why they’re calling it that Iambeingheldhostage? Dumb. Okay…does he is um-OK so like that’s just a joke of some kind. I don’t know who is being held hostage and I don’t know what’s going on.” says Lisa. “But let’s just like spend the next three hours while apparently there is some strange tsunami developing off the coast of two continents that scientists can’t explain. Let’s just sit and focus and think about the fact that you’re hurt because your one true self is being invaded by a woman who got the audacity to tell your one true self that she’s attracted to him.”
“How did he respond me saying that?” asks Lacey.
“I don’t know, but I am just manifesting in the car to tell you that Lem is not available. He’s gay.“ says JFK’s ghost.
“OK so you’re JFK that’s cool. Hi JFK! OK fine that’s cool! I’m over it. So whatever! So…so getting back to Michael. How did he respond to you? He told you to go to Hell? Yeah, because that’s where you should be right now.” says Chris Hayes.
“I completely agree, but I can’t send her there because Jesus and I aren’t that close.” says JFK.
To Build A Home by The Cinematic Orchestra plays.
“Lacey, I just wanna know why you chose to come on to Michael of all people.” says Chris, weeping. “Can’t you just like sister…cease exist or go to Hell or something because it’s not that like he’ll be interested if you come onto him it’s just that like it’s really waning to my spirit and I have a really sensitive spirit.”
“Chris Russia just declared war on the Ukraine and people are wondering if Vladimir Putin is going to take over the whole world if China doesn’t stop him. So is that part of your plan?” asks Lisa.
“Dude China will totally stop him. I mean their neighbors and like best friends, but we’re more best friends with everybody…because we’re the United States…and we are the Illuminati.” says Chris.
“Yeah…like…if we just get rid of TikTok, I have a feeling that this will all just makes sense somehow.” says China, (jokingly).
“Oh my gosh oh that that is such a good idea. Oh that is such a good idea. I love that idea!” says Jonah Wiley.
“Jonah you’re not depending on TikTok for your livelihood and we don’t own Tik Tok, no we’re just we’re just just making observations that are so right on. Lisa can you please guide us into talking to Michael?” asks China.
