West End Blues

West End Blues by Allen Toussaint plays.

Chris Hayes grabs an electric guitar and snorts cocaine at an Illuminati meeting.

“That’s your soulmate.” says a man in the Illuminati in the Democratic National Committee.

“I want him strung.” says Tsar Putin.

“How?” asks the fat, average intelligence, psychopathic man attacking Lacey in the Illuminati.

“You don’t think I can’t use you or drive a nail through your brain?” asks Tsar Putin.

“You all fuck kids because you’re so worthless.” says Lacey.

“Ahh yah.” says a dead man.

“They’d be better off dead. But they’re too stupid to kill themselves.” says a dead woman.

“You want a favor?” asks Lacey Banks.

“What’s the favor?” asks the DNC.

“Your death.” says Lacey. “Don’t lie. You want it.”

“Do I?” they ask.

“I’m coming for you.” says JP Kenned to the DNC. “Why can’t Bobby win? Would that kill you?”

“You wanna die?” Lacey asks them. “I can’t promise fast results. But I’ll try.”

“So?” asks Al Capone.

“If you confess your sins…and you’re not married…would you be better off dead?” asks Lacey of the DNC. “If you don’t have kids?”

“Can we take you up on that offer?” asks Greta Thurnberg.

“Later?” asks Lacey.

“Yes.” says a man laughing.

Al Capone laughs, loudly.

“Y’all dumb.” says a black woman. “She’s offering through her dad.”

“How do you do that on the other side?” asks a man in the DNC.

“He paid you.” says the Mayor of Minneapolis.

“Yes!” says Amy Klobuchar. “Our state…runs on his…dime. To some degree. Still.”

Haile Selassie rolls his eyes.

Woman by Little Simz.

“She’s not like you. Why are you harassing you right now?” asks Haile Selassie.

“Hi.” says Benjamin Yusef.

“I’m sorry. Why are you bothering the bootleggers?” says JP Kennedy. “I guess we have a union or something.”

“Are you really running the US?” asks the DNC.

“I’m not in the US.” says Louis.

“Louis did you want to be US President?” asks the DNC.

“Yes.” says Louis. “You stopped me.”

“Y’all dying.” says a woman. “But who scared you?”

“Matthew Perry. Because he’d talked to her.” says a psychic. “And it got weird.”

“I didn’t kill him.” says Al Capone.

“We didn’t kill him.” says Lacey Banks.

“Who did?” asks Great Britain.

“Not us.” says Tsar Putin. “Are they after Lacey?”

“Who hates Lacey? Black Hollywood?” asks Louis.

“Oh! They get very petty.” says Lacey.

“Huh. Who was it?” asks Louis Hill Junior.

“Me.” says Elliott Roosevelt. “But it wasn’t my idea. It was my…rescue. Poor man.”

Problems by Little Simz plays.

“Ahh…guys!!” yells a psychic. She claps her hands.

“What!?” says the DNC.

“Ahh…they’re real.” says the psychic. “Please! Please! Please try to remember that.”

“Okay!” yells Vincent Kartheiser.

“What was that?” asks George Cuckor.

Lacey lassos the whole of humanity and then throws the end of rope up to God.

Later.

“Why is the DNC attacking me?” asks Lem.