“Killing The Nesheims” by Henry James

From the people who brought you child hostages, global warming, and the pandemic now comes Killing The Nesheims.

(Adult content below)

“I don’t know.

I kind of want to give global warming to the Nesheims a little bit but then I think about the fact that you guys have killed really weird people in the Nesheim family and I’m starting to think it’s the opposite except that I think that can’t be true, because it seems like you’ve actually killed people who could be helpful to the oil companies but not really helpful and I’m starting to wonder why you’ve chosen the people that you chose.” says a Native American woman.

“I use my dick!” says Bobby.

“No, I mean Bobby uses a proprietary method.” says Chris Hayes.

“Oh I just masturbate a little…and then I grab my balls and then I run down the hall and-and the first Nesheim I see who turns me on is the one I decide to kill.” says Bobby.

“You put pictures of us on a wall Bobby?” asks a Nesheim.

“Yes, I printed out photos of all of you on a wall. We have billions of dollars! Why do you all never understand that!?

No…we’re very big deal.

And yet you don’t think we have enough money for a wall with a clipboard and a Post-it note and tacks? We have money for stuff like that! …I printed out every one of the Nesheims and put them on The Wall and then I just think about all of you.

See…that’s part of how we do our witchcraft on your family. We’ve said curses over all of you. We do voodoo on them when it comes down to it.

And yet you guys think this is funny. Don’t you!? But I really have to do this. This is how we conduct our business and the evil part of your woman I do. Okay. See…that- I’m a part of.

I am not entirely straight. OK?

And…that should be obvious by now.

So…so, you know, I just sort of look at them and think who inspires me to think of death, the most.” says Bobby.

“So you’re targeting the men who are the hottest in the family Bobby?” asks the CIA.

“What the fuck are you talking about? What the fuck? No, I’m targeting the ones who inspired me to death.” says Bobby, sincerely.

“Bobby you’re targeting the people in that family who you think are most attractive. They’re the ones to keep dying. I think you’re really taking out the ones who are most attractive to you personally.” says the CIA.

“No, I’m targeting the people who are most aggravating when I think of death. I think they should die. But then it’s like, ‘What would dad do?’ I’m aiming for the people who are the most offensive to-to Christ…to die.” says Bobby.

“OK but Bobby, I kind of think maybe you’re choosing the people who are most attractive to you personally…and it has nothing to do with anything else.” says the CIA.

“No, I’ll tell you why-I’ll tell you why. It’s just so simple. Inject me with more truth serum I’m developing a tolerance to it. OK? And we’ll just go there.” says Bobby.

They inject him.

Disco Glove plays.

Richter: Aria 1 plays.

“I decided first that Nils should die, but then I remember he…was already dead. That was disturbing. Then I thought it must be time to kill someone younger. So I decided that we should probably go after one of the big boys. And that was Ron and Mark.

I chose Mark because he was he was tall and he was thick and blonde with blue eyes and he came from a rich family and he had a kind of a debonair way of looking at you. So I just conjured up some cancer for him. That’s right ma’am. He already had cancer so we just kind of worked on it. It was like a quilt. We just did a lot of you know witchcraft stuff and a we got him back in treatment for cancer. Isn’t that something? We worked with the demons of cancer is-it was so sad because he probably got the cancer from Monsanto. It was prostrate cancer at first, which was common for farmers, who worked with Monsanto. So I said I was against it when they suggested it. But then when I thought about it, I thought it makes sense. He was really sick before…and I thought you know we could just get him that sick again and then he’s old enough to die now and he’s arguably the wealthiest, most powerful and in my opinion, hot member of the entire tribe.

And then we killed Ron because he was another old hottie who was so fucking hot. I looked through the pictures at you and do you when he was in the fraternity and I heard stories about how I could get any woman you wanted in bed and I thought yeah that’s that’s that’s the one the one who is the CPA who works for Arthur Anderson and he’s got some really good credentials.

Then I thought no let’s just go for something kind of crazy so we killed Ryan’s grandson because it was weird after Ron died there was a frog who died in a cage and we couldn’t explain it. It was the strangest thing it was like a warning they said don’t keep going with us. This is going to destroy you. That’s what they said that’s what the witchcraft lady said.

I she said Barbie I read on you that you’re like a frog in boiling water and you don’t know the difference.

Are any no it’s so funny she didn’t understand obviously what she was talking about but I just thought to myself you know she’s she’s inspiring me to try harder and so I just did it. I just tried harder and I thought I need to get someone to shoot themselves this time because with Mark, we killed him with cancer, and it took forever. With Ron we had to suffocate them and use demons and a heart condition that he already had. Lacey told us about it accidentally when she was taking a bath. She used to take baths with Floris and I would smell it and think I hate this bitch she smells like my dad used to after he fucked Marilyn Monroe. He did come home and he’d stink of rose geranium and I think shit that’s not my mom and I figured it out. I maybe wanted to rip her face off.

And so I thought to myself, I’m gonna listen and see what she comes up with for away to destroy her.

Call Sasha, said my uncle Ron used to take baths with baking soda and Epsom salt to get parasites out of his body. He can track to them when he was in the Navy swimming around in the ocean for Vietnam and then they put them in the tub and they come out of them and I thought that’s stupid but it’s true it’s stupid and I thought it was something wrong with that man is hard as she doesn’t know about it has nothing to do with parasites from the Navy. And so I thought, why don’t you just start suffocating him his heart can’t take it and it couldn’t. I couldn’t take it. He was on dialysis and I just suffocated him. He just saw us because he couldn’t breathe and I just couldn’t breathe kind of like how we are affected by the oil right in the air say so I’m just I’m not just a merciful.

What was that shit earlier today about all the Kennedys are merciful. Not just fuck that shit. I’m just too bitch. I tell you it’s Bill Gates and the next times there’s a really fucking evil ones.

That’s Nesheim stop making fun of me.

Anyway, so I suffocated him.

I love I decided let’s kill this grandson to kiss was cute. He was in his 20s and he was starting to be a marine biologist and I thought well how nice it was such a nice young man so clever sweet and clever nice I decided it was just time to just pull the trigger so he did. I told him to put his mouth pretend it was candy right down and then pull the trigger like it was a water gun, and so he shot himself in the head and he’s dead now.

I didn’t kill them because they were attractive so that’s not true. If it is true, I would never tell anyone that don’t ask me such stupid questions. Expect me to answer them. I learned early on for my dad build deal Billings did you don’t talk when I ask you what do you want to fuck you don’t tell them fucking shit. You say I can’t talk about that not with you I can’t talk about that with you. That’s just not a wise thing to talk about considering the situation and then you say I don’t really think you need to know I don’t think you need to know why why I have Playboi in my bathroom you don’t need to know Bobby why there’s a playboy in my bathroom. I figured it out. He had a threesome with playboy and one of his boyfriends in the 70s.

I hear people have his that’s so funny those matter proves their Puritanical prude that’s why he he just know he was a puritanical prude. He didn’t want to go out and find some woman because it’s evil to have sex outside of marriage so he had a sexy boyfriend they would go in the bathroom in the shower just like you did with Jack And the sofa magazine got wet he said just throw it in the trash Bobby it’s just it’s just a piece of shit just throw it in the trash. He didn’t say shit I think he said just throw it in the trash and I I did because it was just in terrible condition. It’s obvious that it was just a threesome with his boyfriend.

Anyway, enough about that I know that’s why I killed. That’s why I kills. That’s why I killed Sam because it’s just was the wise choice but no I really don’t understand what you’re talking about. When you say that I am gay I’m not gay I just occasionally look at men And I think I was really sad when I was growing up and I wish that he’s been there and held my hand and we could’ve just been friends and stuff you know maybe it would’ve all worked out just fine but the weird disturbing thing is that I just I don’t like right this is going Because I am of course I picked Matthew because he looks like a British man?

He reminds me of Prince Harry, but Norwegian, I’ve met Harry Matthew looks like Harry excepts. His teeth are in his weight, and he looks Norwegian or Swedish or something, and I got inspired by watching The Crown.

I did that’s where I got the idea to kill Matthews from watching the crown want to be like that Barbara all right I really did I feel like I felt that they’re Nazis, but not in a way that I like because the sons of Norway is a demonic institution run by the Queen of England. And don’t ask me why I think that sounds far-fetched. I’m not an idiot, but she was in charge of it. It was her way of mobilizing people within this country like Lacey and her family to side with her clan of people really were trying and a sense to take over the world, I don’t think it’s funny. I think it’s very intriguing.

I killed him because he is yeah OK fine he’s attractive but he also looks like Harry and Harry is his daughter, the son of Princess Diana and Charles and he is the king of England so if I kill hairy, I’m a little worried that they’ll kill me except they wouldn’t do that because that would look suspicious.

Do you understand if I kill Siri anime killed me everyone will know that they killed me and they can’t get away with that. I can kill people and no one knows but when the royal family kills people, the whole world finds out yeah I know they killed Diana do you know why, they killed Diana because she was in love with a Muslim and they were trying to convert Harry and William into Islam and Charles was terrified that those boys were going to be kidnaps like a night without mines hotter and so they kill them to get rid of the Muslim problem in London There’s a huge influx of Muslims in the country and they shouldn’t be there but they’re there and so they killed Princess Diana to get them to go away. I think it works. It’s just a long-term strategy the idea is if you come near my family will kill you and see if that’s how we know that they kill people so that’s why if I killed Harry and Megan even though I tried to sleep with her and it’s entirely work, just Siri said no she was a little hairy and that’s why I want to kill him.

I don’t think that’s a rational. I think it makes sense. I’m running for US presidents when you’re running for US president you have to think about things like national security. How do I know that here is not here is the spy and he had his wife seduce me with her eyes just to get me to make a mistake because if I have it if anyone found out the things that I told her I will be dead and that’s not safe for the United States, because if I am dead who is going to protect us all from Bill Gates that doesn’t make any sense does it know it does not makes you suspicious which is why I was thinking of killing Harry Christmas. It’s just really dangerous to have a man like that running free in my country.

But then I thought Novos just kill Matthew no shame he’s like a Prince Harry Dupe. and it’s the same thing you killed Matthew it’s like killing Prince Harry, but without the drama. I mean he’s old money and he’s handsome and he’s got oil and then he was in the service and there’s the Nazis involved in the same way. They are in great Britain, Norway and Great Britain are really close search other I kind of think there’s something there. And so Matthew nationality is like the fat oil from target, sell prince, Harry’s Dior, Sherry Lynn provide for. Is Dior better than fat oil from target none is the silly and it’s a heck of a lot cheaper. I had to pay the witches in the illuminati to kill Matthew and it was about $3 million. I would’ve been $7 billion to kill Harry I don’t have that kind of money right now I’m sorry.

So I am sorry I had to go with a 3 million knock off. It was 3 million it was expensive fuck. But that’s that’s just not a huge deal because you know 3 million is not that much. OK 3 million is not that much.

Hey so I killed I killed Matthew Nesheim for 3 million what have you?

And that’s what it all just kind of made sense and I’ve been waiting patiently for weeks for Lacey to find out everyone has. She asked us what’s going on the other day because we keep talking to her at all hours of the day we’ve just been waiting for her to find out that Matthews dad, at least that’s part of it. Turns out we killed Matthew Perry ever killed Matthew no time we’re really into Matthews right now. Sorry.

But that’s just retribution for Michael, my brother and Michael, who died in Papua New Guinea

See that’s the heck I don’t need the support of the Nesheim family who needs fucking anything from those bastards I’m a fucking Kennedy fuck you.

I don’t know what the long-term plan is if you want to ask probably just to kill them all off and then take the oil that was the what’s the fucking problem with that you just killed him off take their children and then hurt them and then take the oil or I suppose we could kill the whole fucking family that I would be doing that out of the kindness of my heart not because it makes fucking collateral signs I mean what the hell do you expect us to do? We got shit all right we’re a really big fucking deal. Oh my God.” says Bobby.