“Lord Darlington” by Lem Billings

If I was straight…while I was alive…I was Lord Darlington. And I if I was gay…I’m still in love with Lacey Banks.

Let’s say I was straight, regardless.

I was Lord Darlington.

No. I’m not talking about reincarnation. Unless it’s in the Bible. In which case…maybe I am. Not literally…but like him.

Why did I hate the Jews? …I didn’t! M to B

Lord Darlington read books! He read a lot. I gathered a lot of information from books. I loved books. I loved reading. I loved researching things. …Lord Darlington does too? Maybe?

…I think…people neglect to realize that Lord Darlington was reading really convincing evidence. Mein Kampf wasn’t the only book about the Nazis. He felt…convicted. Poor sod.

Truth is…anyone could be that vulnerable? Well…possibly? …I was…like that. I read about homosexuality. And it…seemed so logical. And I was sure I understood myself correctly…for the most part. I did worry. But…it seemed so obvious. I was a man. Men like women. It was unnatural to be attracted to men, but…men…could have perverse sexual reflexes because they were neglected. Or due to trauma. You know…that sort of thing. …And, “Perhaps those men…would be best advised to seek a psychiatric treatment plan and upon further examination may still be able to live normal lives.” That sort of thing. …I didn’t have a person to talk to after my dad died. Not really.

So I decided to try to be honorable.

It went against my nature. And…I worry it went against Lord Darlington’s nature too. Did he hate Jews? …I doubt it. He might have been suspicious of them…but I doubt he would have been in favor of the Holocaust at all until he was given faulty information. My guess is that…there’s something profoundly evil about Lord Darlington reading the wrong books…and the wrong books being written at all. And that sort of logic is why some people burn books, I bet. But…as tempting as that is…it’s not effective.

I was…effective. I was…studious. I was…me.

Cornfield Chase by Hans Zimmer plays.

I didn’t want Jack. He took staged photos to make it look like that. Isn’t that clever?

“I won’t blackmail you with these!” he told me with a devilish wink. He acted like he was doing me an enormous favor.

“Come on! Let’s go take photos of us holding hands or something.” Jack said with a smile.

“Yeah!” said another gay boy at Choate, cheerfully.

I laughed. Grumpy. Shook my head no. Scoffed at them.

“Why?” I asked.

Jack’s eyes grew livid and filled with fire directed at my soul. How dare I deny him!

“If you don’t, I’ll shove my fist into you throat!” he said. Or did he say knife? He might have literally assumed he could get away with murder. His father was extremely rich. I felt scared and vulnerable and it didn’t make much difference.

Why was I friends with him? …I felt…he was…brutal. And I felt he could be nice. He just needed…guidance and love? A nice guy like me. A true friend.

I didn’t know.

First Step by Hans Zimmer plays.

Lord Darlington was…trying to help the Nazis. He believed they made sense. And he felt it was honorable to help them.

I didn’t know.

Demons by Doja Cat plays.

Lacey Banks rips into the story. With Al Capone. And a bunch of armed men.

“What are you doing here!?” asks Lord Darlington.

“It’s over. …I’m intrigued.” says Lacey.

“My goodness. …You’re…dressed for battle.” says Lord Darlington, slightly flirtatiously. “But why did you bring…Hell?”

Lacey Banks looks around…”Oh! I don’t know. I can’t tell. But I’m fighting for God. …I’m slightly worried they’re in revolt against themselves.”

The mafia…kills the Nazis. Bombs Hitler.

Hitler walks away…confused. Prussia dances.

“Why did you decide to be a Nazi?” asks Lacey.

Lord Darlington holds up a book. “I read…about it.”

Lacey goes into very mild shock.

“Maybe that’s why they’re in my army.” says Lacey. “I am this ferocious. But I’m not supposed to have to be. Not like this.”

“No!! She can’t be that angry!?” says Jack Kennedy in terror, three months ago.

In Ear Park by Department of Eagles plays.

Michael sits with Lacey in a parked car. Listening to the song.

“I should have started a banking crisis…if Matthew’s kids don’t…cope well.” says Michael.

“You didn’t know. Did you?” asks Lacey.

“No. I might not have.” says Michael.

“It’s damn difficult to get their attention. They are adamant.” says JD Rockefeller. “And in some recess of their minds…they think they have God on their side.”

Lem joins them.

“I’m not going anywhere.” says Lem.

They all sit in silence.

“Why do you believe me?” asks Lem, of Lacey.

“You’re not one to lie?” says Lacey. “I don’t think.”

The song plays.

“Neither are you. Do you actually think we were reincarnated?” asks Lem.

“No. But…it’s…so damn compelling!” says Lacey.

“Why?” asks Lem.

And at that Joe Kennedy Junior tries to literally lift her out of her seat. As she’s writing this.

“Lem whether she’s Celtic or not she’s right. It’s really disrespectful to her as a woman that she’s having to fight this hard.” says Joe Kennedy Junior.

“Because it’s my soul.” says Lacey to Lem.

“You’re that…brave.” says Lem. “I know. Lacey…who cares?”

“How do we fix it though? It isn’t fair.” says Lacey.

“I do. And I will. And I am.” says Lem. “Who cares?”

“It’s just so horrifyingly unfair.” says Lacey.

“Yeah. But…how’s it…fun…killing people? For you?” asks Lem.

“It’s not.” says Lacey. “It’s…only fun in a way, maybe.”

“Yeah. When you’re seeking Godly justice.” says Lem. “But it’s not really fun.”

“No. Not really.” says Lacey.

“Then…why are you with Joe?” asks Lem.

“Oh! Because if I marry him…we have to be…violent sometimes?” asks Lacey.

“Yes.” says Lem, squinting.

“I’m desolate.” says Lacey. “And he’s handsome.” She looks away. “No…I was in love with him. But…he’s…not…quite right. He’s…probably Pat Wilson’s best beau.”

Lem looks ahead.

The song plays.

“I’m in love with you.” says Lem.

“Let’s talk about it later in private.” says Lacey.

“Do you find the Kennedys boring?” asks Lem.

“No. But I don’t believe them. …They’re a myth.” says Lacey.

“You’re the only alive who really knew Joe.” says Lem. “Or knows him.”

“He had…a tragic…heart.” says Lacey. “I wish he had understood so much more.” She thinks. “He can be so sweet…and so brave…and yet…I don’t trust him. And that’s sad. But I hold out hope…that he’ll be happy and genuinely better off without me. He acts so sad around me. But…even if that’s real…he could have been and be better off without me.”

“Dammit!!!” shrieks a woman. “She does look like a Scottish woman. Poor thing…if reincarnation isn’t in real.”

“I hope nobody had any problems because of my confusion.” says Lacey.

Later…Lem…will have to explain more, if God suggests.