The Big Secret

“We decided she should has to be Jack. Because if she’s not then the Greatest Generation was superior and we’re fucking shit.” says the American Illuminati.

Dirty Harry by Gorillaz plays.

“Yeah. We win!” says Robert DeNiro thinking he’s got her genuinely figured out.

“Last night Caitlyn Jenner tried to reach out to Lacey. Because Lacey was Jack trans.” says a strung-out Illuminati psychic.

“Hold on. Jack Kennedy was a member of the Greatest Generation.” says a reader of average intelligence.

“Fuck you!” says the Illuminati.

“No. Really. He was.” says the reader.

“So!??” yells the American Illuminati.

They’re tired.

Psychotic Girl by The Black Keys plays.

“Yeah. You’re wrong. Lacey’s not Jack.” says a reader.

“Okay. See…I’m just trying to be nice. I could smite you!” says the American Illuminati lit and out for a jog.

“Wow! Worse than Covid-19?” says a reader.

“Yeah! You have no idea!” says the American Illuminati.

“Do you?” asks a reader.

“Talk to my attorney!” says the American Illuminati.

“Is your attorney in the Illuminati?” asks the reader.

Silence.

“No.” says the reader.

“LOSER! Stop bullying me.” says the American Illuminati.

And while they look barely human real human children scream bloody murder in the inside so they can keep their pozzy full of cash.

“It’s a living!” says the American Illuminati laughing at their own joke.

“What’s the joke?” asks the reader.

“That we locked and loaded and kicked ass last night.” says the American Illuminati, in sincere awe of their triumph.

“What makes you think that?!” asks the reader.

“Because Lacey is angry.” says the American Illuminati.

“Why wouldn’t she be angry?” asks a reader.

“It’s sunny outside!” says the American Illuminati, enraged. They’re being sincere.

“Umm…so…let’s really talk to Karen Smith of 1936.” says a Millennial actress.

Their demons back-off. Slightly.

“Lacey Banks…let’s see a slightly decent photo of you.” says an actress.

“That looks nothing like Jack.” says the CIA. “NOTHING.”

“Read her blog! She not Jack reincarnated.” says M6.

“Okay. But we’re still better looking. Right!?” asks Hollywood in great fear.

“No. Not really. She’s terrible at looking good and she’s not photogenic.” says the CIA.

“Don’t go crazy. This isn’t photoshopped. That’s literal insanity.” says the CIA.

“Yeah! She looks nothing at all…like Jack Kennedy…in any of these photos.” says the CIA. “Because…she actually doesn’t look like him at all.”

“Then how can Lem love her?” sincerely questions the American Illuminati.

“Because Lem isn’t gay and wasn’t.” says Russia.

“Ahh! This is where we have to shut Bobby up. He’s a problem. He’s keeping them from thinking.” says the CIA.

Later.

“Hey, I have an idea! Lacey and Lem don’t like Americans. They really don’t like you people and that’s why you bullied and snubbed her.” says the perfume community.

“I’m a little worried that’s true.” says Dmitry from Australia.

“We hate that!!” screams America. “How dare you!!” screams America.

“Is it all Americans? Or peasants?” asks the GOP, with sadness.

“Almost all.” says Lem.

“Chris you set us up to talk to her like we’re genuinely schizophrenic voices. So now somehow she’s able to control our perception of things in a way supernaturally that’s not normal and I actually have a feeling it’s always been like that for her her whole life, which is why she’s probably an extraordinarily good liar. Lacey you could probably kill people and lie about it in the United States. Possibly worldwide. And no one would ever know.” says the CIA.

“Yeah, she’s able to control peoples opinions in a way that’s not normal.” says Tom Banks. “But she chooses to try not to use that ability out of respect for God. She used it this morning and now you guys are making sense. But she used it with Christ and so she’s trying because she doesn’t know what else to do necessarily. No, you’ve created literally too much physical chaos, even in her own house . Things falling, things breaking, people screaming, doors shutting. I mean you’ve turned her house into a horror movie. So she chose this morning to try to convince you that she’s not Jack. And that was harder to do. With most things though it’s not. And it’s not because she’s Jack it’s because she genuinely doesn’t care.”

“Why doesn’t she care?” asks the American Illuminati.

“Is it also because she’s a parent?” says a reader.

“YES!” screams Tom Banks.

“Yeah see that’s where pedophilia again is insanity and evil and a lot of people today deserve to have their faces kicked in.” says Enron being correct on this occasion.

“I was just playing around with her pictures and trying to channel Jack and he started superimposing himself on her pictures instantly and then I looked back at the picture and realized that that’s not reality and that I just hallucinated in my memory that she looks like him. He has a lot of residual energy spread really thin around the world and I highly suspect that he’s been trying to control people’s perceptions of the situation for incredibly petty reasons. You guys have been morons for eight years and it’s despair inducing.” says a Native American woman.

“The idea was that if she was left alone, her perceptions affecting reality wouldn’t matter. It’s possible that she’s frighteningly powerful psychically because of her father and their family in this country and so we’ve been fascinated with vintage, we’ve been fascinated with skin care, because those are her fascinations. We’ve been fascinated with indie music. We consul even be fascinated with depression because of her. That’s scary isn’t it? That’s who you’re talking to. They’re way above your paygrade.” says someone.

“She could really control doctors to prescribe her anything without saying a word. One time she did, but it actually wasn’t her. Actually, it was Lem and possibly Michael. And it was mostly Lem and his ghost and that was when she could’ve died. The doctors were not going to prescribe her anything, but Lem affected the conversation, and they may have saved her life.” says Lem.

“Why don’t you like us?” asks Robert DeNiro.

“Because you’re gross.” says Lem.

“How?” asks Robert DeNiro.

“Selling children.” says Lem. “That’s why. You’re all worthless peasant scum.”

“Yup. You are. Maybe we should all just repent and die.” says Lacey sincerely. She exercises her control.

“No. We don’t need to die.” says a man in the hood.

“No. We might.” says Lacey.

“Is it working?” asks Matthew Nesheim.

The caves of Iowa laugh. “It’s safe. Yeah. …Umm…yes!!”

“This is scary. I hate it.” says Lacey Banks.

“I anticipated her using this ability sooner!” says Elsie Hill.

“She can’t. It’s a masculine thing. Or a maternal thing. And it could easily be evil.” says Lem. “So she has to lift it up to Christ.”

“Yeah. It was great with me. But I’m dead.” says Michael Rockefeller.

“So…you could have driven my whole family to suicide.” says JP to Lem.

“Yeah! I could have driven Jack to suicide.” says Lem.

“Before I ever met you?” asks JP.

“Yes. I was always bending over backwards to let him feel loved and valuable as a human.” says Lem.

Heads Will Roll by Yeah Yeah Yeahs plays.

“Jack why are you here?” asks Lem.

“I’m here because- You know why I’m here.” says JFK.

“Actually, I really don’t know why you’re here. Why are you here?“ says Lem.

“I mean I’m here because I’m trying to suck your cock.” says Jack Kennedy.

“Why the fuck would I want your crap mouth on my cock?” says Lem.

“Because I thought we had a thing going.” says Jack.

“I changed my mind when I looked at your face just now and realized that you’re just kind of an ugly bag of shit.” says Lem.

“I am not!” says Jack.

“No go look at yourself in the mirror. You’ve got a weird Irish fucked-up face and shit body. I mean you should really just go kill yourself. You’re an absolute worthless piece of crap.” says Lem.

“OK I’ll go look at myself.” says Jack.

“The mirror is right there. Look at yourself look, you’re ugly as fuck.” says Lem.

“OK I’m just gonna kill you.” says Jack Kennedy.

“No I’m bigger than you. And I don’t wanna have to bother to kill you. I don’t wanna mess with your family but if you insist that I kill you you worthless piece of crap then I can. Watch this.” says Lem. And at that he punches Jack unconscious to the ground.

Jack lays there lifeless. Lem steps on his head and crunches it lifeless and dead.

He stares at him.

Jinx laughs.

Lem wraps him in a sheet and then brings him out to the woods. Sets him on fire. Within an hour or two he’s burned to a crisp. The ashes are scattered.

Lem races back to his room. Cleans up the mess. Sleeps for a half an hour. Wakes up. Goes to class.

“Lem! I need to talk to you.” says JP Kennedy.

“Yeah!” says Lem. He pushes his glasses up his nose. He acts confused.

“Lem…where is my son!?” asks JP Kennedy.

“He’s not here. I’m sorry.” says Lem, apologizing.

“Yeah. I know!” says JP.

“Look…Jack was a faggot.” says Lem. He shrugs.

“Oh.” says JP. He laughs. “Do you think he’s dead?”

Lem pretends to think. “I worry he could be. Yeah!”

Joe cries. He stands up and silently walks away.

Thing is…Lem didn’t love him. And instead he kept him alive because he was a kind man. And evil peasant bitches have never recognized that.

“Why were you always so damn nice?!” asks Hemingway of Lem.

“I felt bad for him and his family. It was sympathy.” say Lem.

“Now I’m realizing why Lacey and Lem find Jack so annoying. It’s because they were always just tolerating him to begin with.” says an American.

“Correct!” says Lem.

“So we’ve just made up bullshit about him the entire fucking time?” asks a gay man about Lem.

“Yes, you have.” says Lem.

“That’s weird that you faked being gay.” says a gay man.

“Yeah it is, isn’t it? It was a little mentally-ill except it wasn’t like that. I wasn’t psychotic. But it was an unhealthy thing to do to say the least.” says Lem.

“Oh, her father owned us??” Elsie asks Louis Hill Jr..

Louis nods.

Feel It All Around by Washed Out plays.

“Why didn’t I know that?” asks Elsie.

“I didn’t think I should tell you.” says Louis.

“So we lived in the hood?” asks Elsie.

“In a way. But not really.” says Louis. “He was old money.”

“It’s just a system of power.” says Snoop Dogg.

“But we aren’t black.” says Elsie.

“It’s a system of power.” says Snoop Dogg.

“I don’t like it.” says Elsie.

“If he wasn’t in charge…someone else would have been.” says the FBI.

“So he was a big deal in the whole state?” asks Elsie.

“Yes! He was like…the manager for Minnesota. And possibly his power was stretched out over the Midwest.” says the FBI.

“We could claim nationwide.” says Randolph Murdaugh.

“Oh no!” says Elsie. “The Murdaughs are involved?”

“Yes!! We have been for a while.” says Randolph Murdaugh.

“Jack…why didn’t you just dare Rip!?” asks a woman in Hollywood, confused.

“Because I didn’t want a real relationship.” says Jack. “I wasn’t psychologically capable of being in a healthy relationship with anyone.”

“You know it really is weird that biographers have never realized that Jack really doesn’t make sense. He couldn’t have a normal relationship with a woman…but then magically he could with a man!? A man he never committed to!? That’s totally far-fetched at best.” says Russia on behalf of a poor American black male intellectual.

“Why the hell did you all decide to be a pedophiles?” asks the CIA of the American Illuminati.

“Because we’re insane and demonically possessed, but also because we have problems otherwise with our egos. Basically we’re just insane and evil.” says the American Illuminati.

“You also can’t enjoy life.” says the CIA.

“ well, I mean that’s sort of the clean girl aesthetic but you’re right it doesn’t really work week we can’t you’re not wrong Dylan Minnette he does struggle delete do struggle with just enjoying simple things.” says the American Illuminati.

“Like coffee?” says the CIA.

“Yeah. I mean we don’t enjoy our wealth which is really just a simple thing to enjoy when you’re as wealthy as we are in a lot of cases. No, you’re right. We don’t enjoy sports the way that we’re supposed to unless if we’re being paid for it. Umm…no you’re right we don’t actually have any fun because maybe if we’re new money we don’t know how to have fun that way. Our ancestors never did and it’s not native to us.” says the American Illuminati.

“No. Jack didn’t know how to either.” says Lem.

“Did that irritate you?” asks Will Farrell.

“No. I was already humoring him and his whole family anyway.” says Lem.

More later.