Ditzy

The Illuminati was thrilled at the thought that Lacey was ditzy. And not looking at the dictionary for themselves the my decided to just assume that she was an idiot, and instead of having a conversation about Elsie for the last few hours they’ve been giddily contemplating how dumb Lacey could really be.

“Let’s channel Casi!” said a female hater.

“Hey Casi, we don’t think Lacey even knew that you were attracted to her. Let’s just-Let’s just-Let’s- This- Casi watch this!” said an excited evil Boomer.

“Hey Lacey, Casi was flirting with you!” said a man.

“Okay!” said Lacey.

“But she doesn’t understand that you’re attracted to her Casi.” says a Gen. Xer.

“Yeah, she just must not of understood what the flirting meant.” says another Gen. Xer.

“Well, I mean, that’s annoying.” says Casi.

“See yeah, Casi flirt-flirt with her!” says a Gen.X dude.

“Hey Lacey how’s it going?” says Casi, sighing.

“Eww!” says Lacey.

“Yeah she can’t be that obvious!” says a Gen. X dude.

“You weren’t!” says a Gen. X woman.

“She was never that obvious on Instagram!” says a Millennial woman.

“She must not be obvious.” says a Gen. X woman.

“No I can do this.

‘Hey Lacey, I think you’re really great & really wise & really caring & really special & I’m really excited to see your post today. It’s put me in such a good mood!’” says Casi.

“And then I would just say, ‘Thank you so much!’” says Lacey Banks.

“Exactly, which is where you’re so stupid!” says a Gen. X woman.

“Right?” says Casi.

“No that’s not stupid!” says Lacey Banks.

“Shut-up that is so stupid!” says a Gen. X woman.

“No it’s not. It’s ditzy.” says Lacey.

“You guys this is really weird.” says Casi’s subconscious.

“No it’s-it’s not. I’m not ditzy! It’s- No, no I mean I’m not stupid. There’s a difference.” says Lacey. (There is)

“But then how do you not know that she’s flirting with you? No, that would be obvious!” says a Gen. Xer.

“And before Lacey can answer you go on and on and on!” says Lem.

“OK Lem explain what I was doing wrong that she had no clue I was flirting with her.” says Casi.

“First of all, it’s a generational thing. Men were far more aggressive in the past.

But I’ll all flirt with her and you’ll see alright. I’ll tell her exactly what you said.

‘Hey Lacey!’” says Lem.

“Oh hello, Lem.” says Lacey.

“You know I love talking to you. It makes me feel so happy inside. You’re so beautiful and kind and caring and sensitive.” says Lem.

“Oh thank you, I’m glad to hear that.“ says Lacey.

“I would love to talk to you later tonight.” says Lem. “You never said anything like that Casi. But let me tell you something: you can say it’s because she was closeted or you were closeted or something but that’s an excuse, and the truth is sweetie, she wasn’t closeted at all even if you were. But let’s just imagine that I’m saying this to her when she has a husband OK?”

“Oh, that sounds nice!” says Lacey to Lem.

“Good! Say, let’s meet at my place at seven and then maybe get a good leisurely dinner in before we really get down to brass tacks.” says Lem.

“Well alright! Where do you want to have dinner?“ asks Lacey.

“There’s a really good Italian restaurant near my house. Let’s eat there!” says Lem.

“How about if I just make something! I could make some sort of pasta dish?” says Lacey.

“Yeah! Do you want to do the shopping or should I?” asks Lem.

“And how about if I do the- Actually no, could you do the shopping? I’ll give you an ingredient list of top of my head!” says Lacey.

“Sure I’ll write it down right on the paper right here. What are the ingredients?“ says Lem.

Lacey reads off a list of ingredients.

“So I’ll see you at seven tonight. I’ll have everything in the fridge waiting for you…and I think I will probably buy a bottle of red wine to go with our dinner. Do you have a preference?” says Lem.

“I think a Cabernet would probably be best with what I am planning on making. Something robust that will balance out all of the garlic.” says Lacey.

“Yes and the heaviness of the pasta, even if it’s a rather light sauce!” says Lem.

“I don’t know how I how-I don’t know how light the sauce will be but I could try to make the sauce light. Do you know if you buy fresh tomatoes I could try to stew them really quickly!” says Lacey.

“No I’ll just I’ll just bet that you know what wine to have with what dinner. Cabernet! So is there a particular region of the world that is better than others?” asks Lem.

“I’m going to say that actually an Italian Cabernet would probably be wise.” says Lacey.

“Yes that’s an excellent idea. I can always ask the sommelier what he thinks as well but I have a feeling you know what you’re talking about. I think it’ll be a lovely night.” says Lem.

He kisses her cheek.

“Well I’ll try my best!” says Lacey.

“I am sure your cooking is better than most people so I’m not terribly worried.” says Lem.

“Well that’s very kind.” says Lacey. She kisses him back on the cheek, but more flirtatiously than he kissed her.

“I’ll see you at seven.” he whispers in her ear.

Casi thinks.

“You’re not really being that obvious Lem but you know how to get in her brain. Is she Jack or is that just your generation?” asks Casi.

“Oh no, she’s Jack absolutely 100%. Yeah I slept with JFK absolutely!

I’m being sarcastic.

I would demonstrate how I picked her up but that would just be totally inappropriate at this point.

No it’s just a generational thing, Casi. She had no idea you were flirting with her. She knew somewhat that you were flirting with her, but not really.” says Elliott Roosevelt.

“What did you think Casi was doing?” asks a gay man.

“Can I just tell you that in a notebook somewhere that has probably since been lost but that I either saw and threw away or something, I once found a sketch that Lem had drawn of a woman’s boobs from when he was a teenager. And no I don’t think that it was an artistic interpretation. He was drawing them… I just want to say that because I find it funny if such a thing ever existed that it was destroyed because I was trying to preserve his privacy. I can’t imagine what people would make of that if they found it if such a thing ever existed.” says a dead Billings.

“And you know it’s hard to imagine him being like that but then when you try to imagine him being gay, it doesn’t work if you’re really honest about it which makes me really wonder if he actually was straight. Lem what was going through your head if that actually Israel and that sketch really existed?” asks a woman.

“What did I think Casi was doing? Someone’s remind me to respond to you, I’m sorry.

That she was just giving me kind of a backhanded insult. Sort of like over,-emphasizing the compliment to make it an insult.” says Lacey.

“That makes sense!” says Casi. “In like a southern passive aggressive way.”

“Yes, like you had some instinct to be mean to me. At times you were! You did hate me, but I thought that the whole thing was just hatred.” says Lacey.

“Why would you tolerate that?!” asks Casi.

“It just seemed harmless to me. You seemed to actually somewhat enjoy seeing my posts and I thought, ‘I think she’s just enjoying my posts and being kind of a bitch.’ But it just seemed harmless.” says Lacey.

“Yeah! That makes sense. You didn’t want to bother fighting that battle.” says Alabama.

“Exactly!” says Lacey.

“So! Elsie? Or no?” asks Lem.

“Meh. I probably was channeling her. But whatever!” says Chris.

Later.

“Lacey believe it or not the way Lem just picked you up is not the way he talked to Jack. I think you think the opposite which is intriguing but no that’s not the way that Lem talked to Jack. Umm he was on not like that. I do you have some questions though for Lem.” says a red pill dude.

“Go on!” says Lem.

“Lem were you trying to sleep with her?“ asks the dude.

“Yes absolutely but I was a romantic and I have a conscience and I might not have invited just any woman over to my house to make spaghetti for me at night after we both been drinking.” says Lem. “Yeah I would’ve invited her to do that while I thought I was gay. I find her irresistible and I couldn’t stop myself. And no I was trying to sleep with her, and she sort of knew that and sort of didn’t. Truth is I practically had her in bed in that conversation, but it wasn’t something that she was aware of. That doesn’t bother me though, because in my generation that was considered pretty normal, and actually it is pretty normal.”

“Wow you really could have slept with lots of people possibly, but you chose not to and know you could’ve slept with Lacey very easily. What’s this thing with guys in your generation trying to get her to throw herself at them?” asks the dude.

“ because she was so careful and feminine and reticent in a very feminine way so if you can get Lacey to sleep with you, it would be a rare accomplishment. If you can get her to sleep with you and come on to you it’s almost unheard of it’s not difficult if she’s in love with you and you’re in love with her and you’re in a healthy relationship but that’s not. Somethings that apparently most men understand I don’t know I don’t think a lot of men are me apparently or something to be honest I it might just be something that I am capable of and Osmond heart possibly almost no men, other than me in the hunter, I follow God‘s creation is which sounds so arrogant and conceited but it’s not. We’re not each other’s rebounds if it looks like that I’m sorry that’s not the case I don’t think we would’ve minded mean catch others rebounds, but we would’ve just stuck with each other I’m sorry I really was straight and we need to go bag cookies with my kids so you’ll have to talk to us later if you don’t wanna talk about Elsie good night.” says Lem.