“I Was Nice!” by the residual energy of Jack Kennedy

Yeah. That’s not me. Or is it!?

See…I was nice. And what if we had moments almost identical to that?

I was so damn nice!

“Marilyn!” I said sweetly.

“And that’s when she’d want to make love?” asks Lacey.

Jack stares at Lacey.

“Is it?” asks Lacey.

Jack looks flummoxed and disoriented and disturbed.

“She did.” says Bobby.

“What were you expecting?” asks Lacey.

“Jackie….liked to chat. Just talk sometimes.” says JFK.

“But Marilyn loved sex.” says Arthur Miller.

JFK looks prim.

“So do you?” asks Lacey.

Jack cries. Scowls.

“Yeah? You do…but not as advertised.” says Lacey. “You’re not that horny. Are you? You’re a fake. You just were addicted to getting off. Like a drug.”

“Geez!” says Jack.

“What?” says Lacey.

“That’s so crass.” says JFK.

“Well. It’s true. You loved getting oral sex. And you loved quickies. And slow, sappy love making. But…you weren’t actually passionate. Not really. You were a freak, yes. But not a really passionate lover. …Arthur Miller was a real stud. You’re a poser.” says Lacey.

“Isn’t that better for you?” asks JFK.

“No! I’m more upset!” says Lacey. “You’re so obnoxious!!” yells Lacey into his ear. “I’d like to rip your head off…but it’s beneath me.”

“Why!?” whines JFK.

“You’re ANNOYING!!” yells Lacey.

Jack cries. Rocks back and forth.

“What!? You ruined it. …I can’t be your friend. You ruined it. God cares so so do I. But I can’t be your friend.” says Lacey.

“How did I ruin it?” ask Jack.

Lacey sighs. “I am sick and tired of people thinking that we’re the same person and that I am you reincarnated. We’re so different and really believe it or not it’s just really annoying…because it’s so obvious! It’s just that were such different people…

But there’s a slight similarity, and most people are too stupid and ignorant to see the differences that are glaringly obvious…that it’s so time-consuming and so annoying explaining to them over and over again how we’re different people.

I mean, both of our fathers were bootleggers both of our fathers owned saloons. Somehow that’s affected me. I’m sorry that I wasn’t raised by him for it to be more obvious to you too. When people see us because we’re the same generation and our fathers are similar slightly, they might’ve even known each other. They only see that they don’t see how we’re just dramatically different people because we’re the same generation they’re not used to examining people in our generation so intimately, and then we have very similar fathers in a way because of their line of work, and so people see those similarities in their subconscious and conscious and they don’t know how to differentiate the two of us really not that similar you’re just so much gay and I’m a straight woman who is very effeminate and you’re kind of not the most masculine gay man at times and so sometimes you’re very effeminate in your movements and gestures jack when you’re not being straight and you’re skinny and I am slim and I’m feminine, and I’m straight. We’re in the same generation we’re both white and our fathers had similar occupations and I think that’s enough for people to get really fucked up in their head confused.

So to be honest, that’s part of it I just I can’t handle that anymore. I have empathy for you, but I am I just I cannot handle that anymore. It’s too fucking annoying.

Give me there they’re insistent on it they’re obsessed with that idea because I was Latin and they just can’t get it out of their head. It’s it’s like they can’t perceive the possibility of the complicated nature of reality they can’t see it because it’s just too fucking intellectual for them and too fucking complex and people are so anti-intellectual the hair complexity, and architecture and clothing and anything that the people today especially in America are like allergic to anything being too complicated it’s just like they can’t handle it and they start thinking it’s not real because they can’t fathom it quickly enough.

Beyond that I don’t like how you treated women I don’t like how you’ve treated me either but I don’t like how you’ve treated women in general. I just I find that abhorrent. I’m sorry, but I really do.

And honestly, I wonder if those are the two biggest things it’s just how you treat women and the fact that people can’t differentiate the two of us and allow us to be two separate people. It’s a huge boundary issue for me as it should be for anyone over two separate people And I can’t except the way you’ve treated me or other women

Oh, which is part of the problem and you have a boundary issue with me and just like leaving me alone and leaving live alone and letting us be together like what the fuck are we even doing with you and that I am I am angry that that he was friends with you, but that’s complicated what I am What I’m focusing on though is the fact that I have to deal with you it’s repulsive to me. I shouldn’t have to deal with a psychotic obsessive stocker who everyone thinks me and who treats women like crap but I’m a woman I am so above this and I really am and your disrespect for me and lame, and the fact that we’re separate people who have fucking nothing to do with you is so fucking depressing you are an embarrassment, Irish people. You are an embarrassment to your family. You’re an embarrassment to people who are poor you are a fucking embarrassment to so many people and it’s really depressing.

Like, why can’t you just let it go? Why can’t you just let it go you’re so tough and mean and difficult right you’re such a bitch you’re so strong and difficult. You’re so fucking superior to women and their emotions asshole right you’re not just a sniveling little dumb ass who can’t control his own emotions. Fuck that you’re annoying. You’re annoying little stocker past because you don’t seem to get it you are the problem. Why can’t you just let go of it and move on and be somewhere on your own? Why are you so fucking obsessed with me and Lem’s? Why were you so fucking obsessive? It’s freakish and annoying. You are embarrassing to yourself and then you shovel that on the other people and expect anyone to give a fucking shit about you when you take a way to far in the afterlife and just make a total useless parasitic demonic dangerous asshole of yourself to the point where no one can fucking trust you.

I don’t understand OK you clearly we’re attracted to men and you were a very romantic sappy profoundly emotional person who has a really hard time letting go of stuff you’re extraordinarily sentimental, but you are narcissistic and dysfunctional and it blinded you as far as I can tell love wasn’t attracted to you at all I’m sorry that you just totally ignore that like your mother ignores your father fucking around with everyone which is embarrassing isn’t it cause you’re just like your mom or you you’re a self deceptive pushover. You are a self just have to push over and then meanwhile you’ve got this whole problem with Marilyn were you’re trying to use her to seem straight. What the hell you should just left her alone I mean maybe pose for some pictures with her, but if you had a huge sort of romantic relationship with her or involves her with your family, that was so stupid, that was so stupid. No, that was really dumb. You could’ve pose for pictures with her I guess if you absolutely had to even though that’s evil to, but it’s a lot less evil than fucking around with her mind in her heart, screwing her over the only reason you would’ve ever done something like that as far as I can tell, it’s because you knew subconsciously that lame wanted to screw her or that he would and then he’ll probably enjoy it a hell of a lot more than anything that was happening with you And who else wanted to Bobby does that make you jealous to who else? Ted I don’t know read Fais I don’t know I feel like you did you have some like obsessive jealousy with her where it was like you hated the powers you thought she had over people that you could have Yeah that’s the problem no Jack that’s insane that’s like your mom. It’s like your mother and your father, combined the worst parts of them. We are fathers obsessive need for power and control, and your mother’s inability to see things that are obvious that she doesn’t want to see.

I look red is not as hot as lame to me. I don’t know how you perceive him, but he’s not he’s shorter he’s not as big but at the same time I don’t know maybe you actually like to read more and then that’s a thing that was a more normal healthy adult relationship, but it was scary to you wasn’t it because he wanted what commitment and honesty and intimacy And then you have to be like sincere and like vulnerable with him and stuff and deal with the fact that you were actually attracted to men in a real way instead of just having a straight boyfriend, who lied for the both of you because he was an unable to cope with that himself You know what that’s sad. That’s sad that you chose an insane evil dysfunctional relationship over one that would’ve possibly made you a better person. I’m not saying that’s allowed in heaven, but what I am saying is that between the two I thought that might’ve been the lesser of the two evils, because if you were really experiencing homosexuality Jack And you couldn’t get out of it, God knew that and I think he would’ve understood that you were trying to live, and that the really complicated nature of the whole thing like you never abuse a child if you’re a pedophile, you never do that because children don’t ever want it OK I think some pedophiles might not know that and then that’s where God hast to deal with that and say there insanity arm and it’s still profoundly evil but for the part of them that’s insane he might have some grace and I am someone who is abused? I can say that it’s not that what they did doesn’t matter they’re still punished for it, but but I have to say this, even though doesn’t pertain to you necessarily directly necessarily, but but at the same time, if there was any genuine insanity at any point that I would think that that’s probably how God addresses it on a certain level my parents who raise me are not my parents. OK they have ceased to my parents forever. They’re not my mom and dad they have no right to even think that they could be, so it’s not like there’s no consequences when people fuck up that much legally they’re my parents but the good stuff that makes them feel happy inside is never going to happen. They’re not my mom and dad it’s not. It’s not like when people abuse people that they get away with it, but the same time, even though they’re not at all my parents, and will have to live with the reality of that for eternity And God hast to give them grace for that if that’s not hell for them him what will have to happen then is that they’ll have to somehow come into some recognition of their own insanity my God I’ll have to work with him on that but the thing is Jack. It’s probably far more complex when it’s two consenting adults and they both are experiencing love for each other. Even if it’s not even homosexuality is insane and evil I think God knows that it’s Different than abusing a child because it can probably get infinitely more confusing if it’s two adults and they’re consenting and they’re experiencing the same delusion in a sense so I’m not saying that for sure it’s allowed in heaven I’m not saying that it’s right but I’m saying that I think that that’s probably a lot less evil than abusing a child and I think I would have an understanding of your psychology in that and that’s why I don’t get it if you were going to indulge in your homosexual instincts and not be faithful to your wife who you simile did love then why did you choose this total dysfunction you have a reason probably but it’s not an excuse and you’re dead and that’s why I just can’t handle anymore. It’s like to be honest. If people being too annoying can be that serious were there like it’s just too damn annoying I’m sorry.” says Lacey.

“ this is very dramatic, but you’re right.” says JFK.

“ do you know what? I’m a lot less dramatic than you. I think you tend to create drama I don’t. I clean up other peoples drama and I’m fascinated by it but you know I’ve never created my own drama does that make me a superior to you or not?” asks Lacey.

“ no it just means that you’ve never been allowed to create your own drama because I’ve ruined your life and Lem’s.” says JFK.

“ yeah are you proud of that does that make you proud of yourself?” asks Lacey.

“ yes, it does unfortunately because that’s evil.” says JFK.

“Yeah, you know what the thing is though that’s really annoying to me because you’re such a fucking loser and I hate that I’m calling you that I hate that we’re having this conversation this voice. This is not the way I like to talk to people but I’m being forced to to try to relate to you, you are an annoying pretentious poser you are such a drama queen you are so fake you are not cerebral you’re conniving and maybe you’re a little more intelligent someways than most people but I kind of doubt it I have a feeling that you’re just sort of an annoying obsessive prick Don’t whimper your obnoxious.” says Lacey.

“ what if someone said that to you what if the Daytons said that to you and their backyard after you opened up to them?“ says JFK.

“ you didn’t open up to me you annoying prick I had to open you up to get you to shut the fuck up and be honest with me you started earthquakes in Japan you didn’t open up to me you are so fucking thick get a grip!” says Lacey. “ I yes I had to open you up like I’m your fucking mother I don’t think the fact that I was in love with your dad after your brother and that your whole family is screwed up it’s just like lost on me I’m very maternal towards you we’re not equals, the power relationship between us is one of me being superior to you in someway seemingly.

And I can handle that, but what I can’t handle so everyone gives you power that you don’t deserve and that is really not even necessarily yours to have. Do you attack me and if that’s partially loves fault again that’s between me and Lem’s and God I know some thing else here’s the thing sweetie, I will be cleaning up from your mess for the rest of my life. Potentially my kids will be dealing with it. The entire world will be so keep that in mind. Well, you’re in hell suffering you’re there for a reason.

Yeah you you really screwed up you did and I’d like to have been your friend but it’s just too damn annoying. I’m sorry and God forgive me if I’m wrong in someway but it’s just too damn annoying I cannot handle it I can’t handle it it’s too annoying.

How would I feel if they said those things to me if I was in their yard? Umm…confused. I would feel very confused Jack because I don’t know what the hell I would’ve done to deserve hearing that.” says Lacey.

Jack cries.

“ i’m a loser when it comes to making love. I am such a fucking loser.” he says to Lacey.

“ are we having this conversation like a son and a mom or what?” asks Lacey.

“ yeah yeah you are Lacey. He thinks of you like a mom in some ways. I’m sorry it’s obnoxious to me.” says Joe Kennedy Junior.

“ do you know if there’s nothing wrong with the way that you made love if that’s your nature it’s not stupid at all it’s very sweet, very endearing.” says Lacey. “ it’s just it’s not what you said you were right like you were seemingly bisexual. What is that’s allowed in heaven or not and you were probably a very sweet person who could probably be passionate, but not by nature, you probably would’ve had to be in a really long term intimate trust-based relationship for that to really happen for you and that’s not necessarily a bad thing it’s just that’s your personality and I think that advertising is some thing else was probably done out of a lot of insecurity on your part and just being impressed with people who seemed a lot more glamorous and showy and white elite in someway and you know what that’s sad that you were that violent towards people who you admired no it just seems like you were sort of a normal person maybe a little bit more on the quiet side and that maybe you could be passionate but that wasn’t really you know your nature so speak is that true?” asks Lacey.

“ yeah, pretty much.” says JFK.

“ no you were kind of awkward in the way weren’t you and him I don’t know if that you were really is quiet and shy, though as you seemed I think that was something to do with your narcissism and how conniving you were I think you were a little awkward.” says Lacey.

“ yeah I was socially unaware at times so I worked at it my dad it might’ve even told me too. It’s so awful because I want to pattern myself after you it’s like a role model how to be a person and I can’t do that anymore because it’s possible that I actually really love you like a person loves their mom and I wanna be like you but I can’t because I’ve ruined that, because it’s possible that you understand me in a way that really almost no one else to ever live cat but it’s as a parent and that’s really hard because I’ve done that to myself. The mother who could understand me and still love me, even though I was really fucked up sexually, and I’ve distance myself from that love and that’s sad.” says JFK.

“ yeah OK but that’s because I’m your father soulmate right there have to be other women right that God would have for your father that could be like a mother to you and be as loving as I Canby if you don’t stay in hell and you stop rejecting Christ.” says Lacey.

“ well, I’m not really rejecting Christ.” says JFK.

“ no I’m sorry that was probably the wrong word. Is it more like you’re sort of not receiving his correction so you’re kind of in timeout in hell?” asks Lacey.

“ yeah, possibly I might be I might be in time out in hell.” says JFK.

“ but you know my love for you is really only reflective of God I didn’t create myself, so don’t get that confused. If you experience, it is actual unconditional love then don’t get that confused. That’s only that’s me, but that’s Christ reflected through me so that that means that God‘s not that bad right you should really listen to him more.” says Lacey.

“ Why am I in trouble?” asks JFK.

“ it seems like you’re defying. Richard keeps telling you that you’re just sort of not interested in hearing what he’s directing you to do so he tells you don’t bother lemon Lacey just leave them alone and then you don’t do that and then he tells you you need to work on yourself and figure out who you are separate from them and it seems like you didn’t do that and maybe you need to just focus on your relationship with him and just stop trying to make people do things are good people to feel a certain way about you just focus on your relationship with him.” says Lacey.

“ what would you have done if you’d been there and somehow lamb hadn’t showed up and you’ve been. There is some sort of maternal figure and I had come home with another guy who was actually gay and we were really in a relationship and I said I don’t want to be a president. I want to go to Paris and study art with my boyfriend. What would you have done be honest.” says JFK.

“ I would’ve said Jack are you going to hurt children or are you and your boyfriend going to keep to yourselves in Paris?” says Lacey.

“ I would have I’m just I’m starting to see how dangerous it was for me to be in a relationship that was not really a real relationship and to be at all with Lem’s. U2 are so different that it’s like an atom bomb you’re right Lacey that actually has a concern with me and my boyfriendhim no you’re right I am what if we just lived in like you’re just kill us I could try to keep an eye on us.” says JFK.

“ hijack, I don’t wanna have to kill you. I don’t wanna kill you just because you’re screwed up in your head look your father would still want you to get married and he still try to force you to be normal which actually is necessary the worst thing that I’m a realist and I know that that’s not really how reality works. I think you probably could be with your boyfriend in Paris but I’m going to be keeping an eye on you and so is your dad and if you ever harm anyone you’ll regret it for the rest of eternity potentially, I might actually be good for you to regret it so don’t do that and God can still redeem it but you don’t wanna have to be redeemed from something that vile that’s just the harsh truth of reality. Somethings are just that awful and God can redeem them, but they don’t just magically disappear redeeming some thing isn’t making it ceasing to exist necessarily said that the evil continues it’s that people experience evil and somehow God can redeem it, but you don’t want him to have to redeem some thing that terrible so stay away from children I’m going to put you and your boyfriend both into counseling to try to figure out what’s wrong with you don’t get involved with other men just stay to yourselves and don’t harm anyone.” says Lacey.

“ yeah and then I would always wonder if I was crazy and if it’s not loud in heaven, I would probably on my deathbed be asking for salvation from it and repentance and my boyfriend with two him I would not, however, be president I would’ve just been sort of a nomad with probably maybe two serious long-term relationships oh well yeah maybe three one of them with a woman and then two of them with men what are them actually might’ve been with Inga who does or might be slightly of you and that gets a little weird sometimes because I worry that I am I was looking for a mother, namely you and then sometimes I think maybe that’s not it maybe I was just in love with her because it’s not Freudian but it’s like normal you know I don’t know how I was influenced by you so much if there’s not reincarnation and there might not be is that creepy him, it’s possible that had something to do with lime and help creepy and perverted. I actually am as a person I am my dad or maybe it’s just you know the way things are and I didn’t even do that to myself but now I would’ve been in a relationship with anger, and probably two other met, neither of them would’ve been lame actually and I don’t know that it would’ve been bread. It might’ve been someone else but I don’t think I would’ve married Jackie. I’m glad that I knew Jackie I was in love with her but I don’t know that I would’ve married her. I don’t know that I would be would have even know what her I am, I might have another possibly possibly not speaking of which why why didn’t anyone know I’m not trying to fake opposite if I am sorry.

Why did my my dad found Jackie for me potentially? Why did your father and mother have any friends why it was? Why was there no one that they could find for you or did they just not look?” asks Jack.

“ oh, you know I would think by the way that if you have to look up homosexuality you’ll be better off without it so keep that in mind but to answer your question I am no they just mean there was one one kid and I wasn’t really interested in him they just they just I don’t think they care at all that much there there probably could’ve been people in our extended social circles who they could’ve found that there had to have been someone that they could’ve you know scan shot for me so to speak scrunched up for me but that but they know they just never really tried. They just didn’t try they just didn’t care. They just didn’t care but I’m glad that you I’m glad that you had Jackie, I hope you’re in good terms with her and I think that you if if if if you are in hell there Hass to be a mother for you someone who’s probably more understanding of you didn’t even I am or at least equally understanding so don’t lose heart on that one even if what we have is ruined him I’ve tried in this conversation as you probably know and there Hass to be someone who you haven’t ruined anything with there Hass to be someone who you haven’t ruined your relationship with him end maybe actually in that case she’s more of a mother to you than I am and you really wouldn’t be able to ruin your relationship with her as much or maybe you had a choice whether or not you could accept my love and you chose to reject it maybe some people you don’t really have a choice with which is good.” says Lacey.

“ I hate that I hate that you love me unconditionally and it’s real it’s real you really do love me and you don’t want to tell me the wrong thing you just want me to really get to know myself and I I respect that but I am like a son and that’s part of the problem. People probably ask me questions about you and I’ve said stupid stuff like just let her be with us Scott Fitzgerald I just want her to be happy, and that that was not stupid on my part but I think like a child with you to some degree not an equal because of the nature of your relationship with my dad and I don’t know how to explain to people that they can’t just expect me to get everything right I’m probably just gonna have to say that and then that’s where it’s torment for me to see you suffer because if you’re like a mom to me at all, that’s just hard to watch him so if I actually care about you and that way at all it’s really difficult for me I am him and that’s what I deserve it.” says JFK.

“ Jack I’m not closeted I’m not as dysfunctional as most gay man apparently him why did you do this to your mother?” asks a living gay man.

“ because I was evil, because because I was evil, because I chose to be evil if there’s purgatory, I’m struggling, and I chose to be evil.” says JFK.

“ is it just that like purgatory is too painful for you or what was it?” asks a Catholic woman.

“ it’s it’s it’s a yes actually because I was possibly a Christian but I was in a lot of sin while I was alive and so I didn’t go to hell but I didn’t you know avoid him suffering and so it’s like I’ve I’ve had to deal with somethings that I would’ve had an easier time dealing with while I was alive because I would’ve been given more grace to deal with it where is dealing with it when you’re dead in purgatory if Godzilla me to say, this is a heck of a lot more painful it’s it’s obviously nice to be with God and you can choose to have Grayson him over covet but if you’re not in that kind of relationship with Christ the part of you that sinful still is is still it’s like it’s harder to deal with you don’t have it’s not as easy it’s not on doable it’s not unbearable necessarily beyond what you can endure and not cease to exist if God is in want you to see Easter exist but it’s it’s possibly a lot more difficult than when you’re alive.” says JFK.

“ oh, OK well I can sense that this conversation is becoming toxic so I’m gonna let you go but I really hope to see you in heaven someday.” says Lacey.

“ goodbye I’ll hopefully see you in heaven.” says JFK.

“ was Jack mad at Marilyn for not being his mother?!” asks an intelligence officer.

“ hey I I wouldn’t be surprised if he was mad at Marilyn for not being his mom if they ever had a conversation even resembling that about his mother, and all of that, I am not being a mother, her being a mother or him being a mother or something, I highly suspect that some part of him wanted a woman like Marilyn to sort of explain the meaning of life to him or something.“ says Tsar Putin.

“ no unfortunately that makes sense financially I mean it’s not 100% but I could see where he would want that considering the Gloria Swanson was sort of that sort of person and I wonder in the back of his mind he thought that woman like that should be more maternal to him because of his dad.” says Lacey.

“ then he shouldn’t have gone after that no hit he did that to himself going after Lem’s who I think could be your twin flame. If that’s we can call it is Christians obviously if you’re his father soulmate means that he was looking for a father figure in a way to asshole surrogate father thing with Bobby and Lamb seems symptomatic of Jack’s relationship with him as well. I I don’t think that they knew what they were doing but I also think they did and it was perverse, and then part of it was also an attempt to sort of heal themselves from the horrifically dysfunctional relationship they had with their parents and it’s incredibly awful conversation to have isn’t it because we want to be both incredibly upset, rightfully, and yet we also are extremely disturbed and it almost brings you to the point of despair and then I think that’s where you have to change the conversation in your head because there’s no way I’m not trying to quit madman but you do you have to you have to stop thinking about it because I don’t think in that way at least if you know what I mean because you can’t dwell on the part of it that’s despair inducing there’s nothing enlightening about it.” says Tsar Putin to Lacey.

“ you’re right! You’re absolutely right.” says Lacey.

“ if you have to think about it, think about it but just don’t get lost in it at all because worst case scenario you know you will you will have horrific 40 years and then eternity will be fine. You know you know that people think I’m a war criminal and then I’m a horrible person, but you also know who I really am and why I do what I do not everyone knows that but you choose not to get lost and certain things try to keep having that much patience for God and if you can’t then that’s why he’s God my psychics are telling me that you’re depressed from this conversation and I can sense it in a bothers me.” says Tsar Putin.

“ i’m forcing myself into this conversation and this is not some thing I’ve ever done before, but given the nature of where it’s going and how far you’ve already gotten in her mind as possible I’m a lot more panicked that I seem to you’re right you are absolutely right I am sorry that you are involved in such a petty Deas and I don’t mean Lacey I just mean the whole thing how do you avoid despair? because you seem to.“ says Lem.

“ i’m Russian I’m surrounded by astronomical wealth and beauty and sometimes it’s very comforting and you look at things around you and you think that was there before that was there you know 10 200 years ago and then you think about the time this past and become very philosophical about all of it and you start thinking to yourself I belong to something I belong to people along something that’s greater than just this moment, and even if my sorrow, or my sadness is greater than any Saud ever exist, which is so unlikely, God is bigger than all of us and it’s maybe easier to keep that in mind when you’re surrounded by Russian architecture, we often tend to emphasize the enormity of things and it’s as possible because that’s how we perceive our existence you know you you don’t make things small you make them large, to reflect the grandeur of the moment.” says Tsar Putin.

“ I yeah you’re absolutely right English had that understanding of things to a lot of Europeans. Did America doesn’t as much. Do you know we have our great houses but not as many of them may be as there should be believe it or not, and I’m not talking about just some McMansion I’m talking about in Normas Estates or opera houses that we’ve kept at the very least we have some of that but probably not as much as we should. Penn station was like that and then they tore it out because you’re right people do need to see how big things can get to keep their own humanity in perspective to stay sane and I hope that you also find some solace in God thank you for reminding us that he’s bigger than us.” says Lem.