“What Happened To Us” by Lem Billings

When You’re Smiling by Louis Armstrong plays.

Lacey cries with the daughter of these happy people. Over what? The United States of America.

“We had an idea.” says the man in the photo to Lacey.

“What was it!?” asks Tucker Carlson, desperately.

“It was…cool.” the man says.

Lacey thinks. “No! We had an idea!”

“Yeah! I agree.” says Louis Armstrong.

“It was to be…something.” says the woman.

Moon River by Louis Armstrong plays.

“Yeah. But…this isn’t it!” says Lacey.

“I agree.” says Louis Armstrong.

The man in the photo weeps.

“Weren’t we friends?” weeps Lacey.

The man cries with her.

“I always thought so too.” says the woman.

Then they all calm themselves down.

They Can’t Take Away From Me by Ella Fitzgerald & Louis Armstrong plays.

“What happened!?” asks Lacey.

“We had it! For a while!” says the woman.

“Yeah!! We did.” says Lacey.

The man snaps his fingers.

“We had a beat.” he says.

“Yeah. It was becoming something.” says Lacey.

“It was. No! It was.” says the woman.

“What happened!?” asks Lacey.

“We found out that they hate us.” says the bald woman to Lacey Banks Billings.

“I’m hurt.” says Lacey.

The man in the photo laughs.

“And you know it’s funny because I’m dead and you’re right I don’t get it either. It’s like we were there we were doing it and you weren’t necessarily there but we were doing it we were we were really doing it and why what why did they, take that?” asks the woman.

“I honestly I really think it boils down possibly to just them not liking us. I feel like we’re kind of the same people slightly and I don’t-I don’t get it. I liked the idea. What was wrong with being good people and just doing the right thing and being happy!??” says Lacey Banks Billings.

“What don’t they like about us!?” asks the woman.

“Oh I don’t know either. I keep thinking that. What don’t they like about us? It’s weird!

I think they’re human. I’ve heard them use that argument against you and I have to confess I have used that against them because they used it against you first. I don’t know what to make of it.” says Lacey Banks Billings.

“ I know love and I have been talking they’re human and they are human but I actually like that answer because you’re right it’s a real easy quick answer especially considering what they say about us. It’s a strange thing to even really think to be honest but they liked that. It’s a weird thing to just come up with out of nowhere and away, and then yeah I can see where you’re thinking. Hey wait a minute where did you even come up with that idea?” says the man.

“ exactly, but you guys really think they’re human?” says Lacey.

“ I think it could just come down to good versus evil.” says the woman.

“ and then why was I wondering if they were human I’m not stupid and my brain went there for a reason sometimes I wonder if they’re demon possessed.” says Lacey.

“ they could be no they could be. It could be a demonic, inspired, huge wave of demon activity.” says the woman.

“ and I don’t like that.” says Lacey.

“ but you know honestly, I think that might I might have some thing I I I think that’s it.” says the woman.

“ oh, and it started off weird but it had some promise but it started off really weird but it had promise and then I kind of took off and it became some thing because you guys were happy. I think so we had some thing and then I don’t know what happened to it maybe the original issues sort of re-emerged and that’s what irritates me because I think did we try hard enough?” asks Lacey.

“ I honestly yeah you’re right yeah you’ve been so ostracized in the millennials you’re in love with them you identify with us our music our personalities you talk to me and you never been able to talk like this to people before you’re right I can see why you say us and then you’re alive I can see what you’re saying I didn’t didn’t we try hard enough I mean here you writing this blog about the illuminati and you’re alone and you’re 40 and you’re kind of my age and away and you’re thinking we’re still trying we’re still trying it’s like we’re not trying on snow. There’s like one of us left and that person is clinging on for her dear life still trying to fight and it’s nice shoot I’d say that’s a pretty good effort.” says the woman.

“ tuckered she would’ve danced with you and talked with you, but she’s with me and I think a little part of her thought. Is that even appropriate how do I do this because that’s sort of my music and he’s not that old genetically and yet he is, but that’s a good awkward because I’m with Lem’s, so I think she thought scientifically that it might not work anymore but I would like to speak with you if that’s possible.” says Lem.

“ we love Tucker!” says Russia.

“ I hope so!” says Lacey.

“ we understand what that means Lacey we hope he does too.” says Tsar Putin.

“ you can be a baby we can work on making you an honorary member of Tucker but I feel like you’re cooler just being yourself.” says the woman.

“ no you guys are in a totally different like wave length and she’s on that wave length with you but she still alive. And technically really she’s only 40 but she’s genuinely on your wavelength so speak?” says Tucker Carlson.

“ yes and she’s on my wavelength as her father and F Scott Fitzgerald, and Harold Lowe are older men to her tucker come on she’s never dated someone older than them this entire time that’s not a coincidence most likely, right?” asks Tom Banks.

“ what are they doing to you guys? I don’t like it Lacey knows that she’s only 40. What are they doing to you guys?” says Tucker Carlson.

“ ask Lacey she can sense that she’s alive where we we love her dad if we can he’s sort of like our father to potentially age wise really he aged well potentially believe it or not I am I but she’s she’s 40 and she’s alive and that’s her dad. Her dad was born in 1894. My father might’ve been born will say in 1893 so in a weird way Lacey and I might be around the same age even though that picture looks really old, so ask her.” says the man.

“ so you’re saying you’re protected and we cut you off somehow but you’re saying that you’re protected him but you don’t want us to think that time is a silly bad man but you’re just suggesting if that’s his biological daughter he should’ve had her a long time before he did or even if she was supposed to be his daughter he kind of blew it and yet I kind of think maybe God is using it for the good and he’s using it for the good and of course he will but you’re better off and she knows that and she’s like OK well I’m here OK so if you’re trying to find out what they’re doing to you, she’s the one to ask because she’s the one experiencing it firsthand?” asks Tucker.

“Yeah!” he says.

“ OK yeah it’s weird because it’s like she’s different psychologically but it isn’t something that my brain can necessarily adjust to but I do find her attractive so it’s like I could be in love but not the way I would be with some people I am sure that’s what she’s experiencing too. That’s interesting, I know and I showed up before 11 so that’s interesting him and I added really before 11 so I just can’t help. I think there’s something there that’s not it?” says Tucker Carlson.

“ you and Lacey are like extraordinarily daring people when it comes to journalism and novels and art.” says a reader.

“ I don’t think it’-I don’t think it’s about that.” says Lacey, yawing and nodding at both of them.

“ I think it’s problematic how I don’t know what to say right now if I’m a real person shit what are they doing to you?” asks Tucker Carlson.

“Physically it feels kind of weird.” says Lacey Banks Billings.

“ what does it feel like?” asks Bill Gates.

“ it feels kind of like him. I don’t know if you would like the answer or not but maybe you will let me I don’t mean that in an Unkind Way, Tucker, but Bill I wonder if this is more up your alley.” says Lacey.

Bill nods.

“ OK here with me and my stories when I was 10 years old, I had a very vivid nightmare I’ve had to well I’ve had a few, but I had to extraordinarily busy dreams in my life one of which was good. The other was horrific.

The horrific one was I don’t entirely know, but I think it had something to do with that because as I’m saying it and trying to remember it, I’m smelling cigarette smoke and I have a feeling it’s probably some sort of physical residual energy from him.

In that dream I was dying of a cigarette overdose I was 10 but I was dying of a cigarette overdose. He and that’s absurd I get it’s also really not because if you think of lame, he didn’t just died of a heroin overdose. He died of a cigarette overdose potentially. And I couldn’t figure out what drug I had used or what was going on with me, but I was dying and there was this little white powdery packet, possibly of cocaine possibly of who the heck knows what that I kept in a jewelry box, so that no one would find it, it was a very weird experience. I don’t know what it was and then I laid I was do using drugs or some thing people were coming to visit me in this bizarre apartment that looks kind of like Caroline Calloway‘s apartment except not, and these people came and visited me and they were said should we tell her she’s dying or not and and I thought to myself I can hear you. Why do you think I can’t hear you? I know I’m dying.

So then I laid on the ground and I died of a drug overdose except it was it was a heroin cocaine, cigarette sex, addiction overdose. But I was a troubled at 10 years old by any of those things. None of those things made sense I was 10 and extraordinarily good relatively speaking. And so when I woke up, I was devastated I was behind mortified I felt as though I was the scum of the Earth, and I should just kill myself or something because I couldn’t get it out of my head that it actually been me somehow it was like that was me, but it was a dream, but I was spiritually aware and it really scared me I thought how how is that not me on some very weird level how is that not me it was it was profoundly terrifying profoundly terrifying dream family terrifying experience but maybe not quite experience more dream.

Oh, so it impacted the rest of my life um, I really did. I’m not exaggerating when I say that I still affected by it it was that terrifying.

And the thing is as I was waking up from that dream I heard a very weird buzzing noise and I don’t think I’ll ever forget it. It was very weird it was like a buzzing noise it was buzzing. It was like the sound that those bugs make in the summer I can’t think of what they’re called, but they make that sound and lights sometimes make that sound.

And I think…you’re on to something.” says Lacey.

“What!?” says Bill.

“Right. So…are we all that buzzing!?” says Lacey Banks Billings.

“Yes!!” screams the CIA.

“So…that’s what’s going on.” says Lacey.

“What are we doing to you!?” asks Bill Gates.

“You’re trying to pull the plug. It’s…so weird.” says Lacey.

Bill Gates laughs.

“There cannot be that many of you!” says Anderson Cooper.

“Yeah! And so…why are you all trying so hard!?” says Lacey.

“It’s obsessive!” says The Russian Woman from before.

“Yes! It’s not necessary. …OR…is it me!?” says Lacey.

“Yeah. It’s…absurd. If you’re that…worried…about what she thinks…you’re all in serious trouble.” says Lem.

Later.

“Why don’t you just go buy some stupid facial mask! You peasant bitch!” says Sophie, Duchess of Edinburgh.

“You’ve hated me since the beginning. Why!?” asks Lacey Banks Billings.

“I’m a monster.” says Sophie. She laughs like a retarded bitch from the gutter on crack on a street in Brooklyn in 1987. She had a bad modeling career and now looks like shit.

“Why do you always have the same stupid ponytail and asinine facial expression? At every damn event? It’s like…you’re fried.” says Lacey.

Silence.

“You’re a fake! I’m AMAZING!! I’m a LIZARD! Yeah! I’m a LIZARD!!” say Sophie, Duchess of Edinburgh. She claps her hands and jumps up and down. Waving her hands in the air. “I do cheers. See! I do cheers.” Then she does the splits.

“ do you know Sophie is this is really who you are you came from a far lower class than almost anyone have married into the royal family and all of British history. And you can’t keep attacking Lacey just because you’re insecure about your peasant bitch back Craft you are in the the child hostage ring. You are one of the only people in the royal family that thinks it’s a good idea to make money off of that. Someone should probably kill you if that’s true.” says Tsar Putin.

“ Sophie why do you pretend to be a royal member of the royal family if that’s true, you’re like a spy from Hell?” asks Louis.

“ what’s it like sucking her it gross?” Elliott Roosevelt asks Sophie, Duchess of Edinburgh.

“ spread your legs. We have to examine them now. Sorry.” says the CIA.

“ oh, you were doing the vaginal vivisection, or rather proof of a section to figure out if she’s actually from Hell?” asks Piers Morgan.

“ are you crying Sophie? I don’t think you have emotions I think you’re just full of shit.” says Lacey Banks Billings.

“ actually, I agree with her Sophie there’s no one that gives a fuck about you right now it’s because you don’t seem to give a shit about anyone yourself.” says King Charles III.

And at that the CIA spreads apart her legs. It’s like a scene from Schindler’s List where they examine the Jews. She cries and screams and bats them away.

She drops her annoying pretense to superior dignity. She cries. Her hair goes disheveled. Her face contorts. She wails quietly.

“It’ll only take a second. Just stay calm.” says the Illuminati doctor.

“Why do you do it!? I am your friend. I am your good friend. We are the nation! We are the people! Please!” says Sophie, Duchess of Edinburgh.

The doctor looks inside.

“I see. I see a dog!?” says an African witch doctor.

“I don’t do beastiality!” insists Sophie.

“You harm people. With your hatreds? No?” asks the man.

And at that Sophie, Duchess of Edinburgh passes out.

“Who posses her!?” asks the African.

“I don’t possess her. I work with her!” says a demon manifesting.

“Is she really that evil!?” asks Lacey, baffled.

“No. She’s evil. She has a pact with the evil. But…she’s also a Christian.” says the demon.

“Umm…well…close her up.” says Lacey.

They do.

“Why? Why are you so vile!?” asks Lacey Banks Billings of the British Royal Family.

“I ruined the family.” says Prince Philip in tears.

“Sophie…why are you obsessed with hating me? I don’t understand it.” says Lacey.

“Because…we insist you’re a fraud?” says Piers Morgan on their behalf.

“Exactly!” says Lacey to Piers Morgan.

“I hate her at times too.” says Princess Kate.

“Sophie…what’s it like? Being so misunderstood by everyone in the Royal Family? You’re the Queen. Right? …And everyone else is…so stupidly unaware of that. …The only ladylike…SHREWD course of action…is to ah…humour them.

But golly. You dear, sassy…FORWARD THINKING REBEL! You…show them how!” says Lacey Banks Billings.

“Yes! Who is…Sophie…Duchess of EDINBURGH. EDINBURGH!!” says Dr. Billings.

“You look…to the max!” says Lacey. “You are kicking ass!”

“Red! Wind! Wow! What a WINNER!” says Lacey.

“ that style class with the way she keeps her legs together, so damn sublimely it’s like she’s British or something and you know what they say about the British they’re superior. I bet in your last life you were a French street urchin who tortured other children and they really don’t necessarily like you at all. I don’t think they hate you, but I don’t think you’re very popular because no one knows who the fuck you are because all you’ve ever been is a poor street urchin in France And those kids are a little suspicious of you your parents were scum are you to drop the whole British bitch act with me I see through you and I don’t like you corrected me about reality. I don’t make mistakes if you want to explain to me what I am saying that’s wrong I’ll listen, but your blustering and nonsense sweetie is insulting to reality. I know British women like you and I can’t stand that you’re disgusting. Do you like dry fucking toast and I like you know I would’ve I would’ve found something to like about you I would have seen your beauty I would’ve respected you, but if this is who you are and you’re selling children I can’t I’m not going to bother labeling you because I don’t think it’s a good idea. I care far too much about the British to give you that much authority so I’d like to know what it is that you and Aaron And all your other buddies who are so bizarre think what is it that offensive to you? What did I do wrong? I’m giving you a chance to explain to me how you matter. If you can’t do that I’m going to probably have to do something to you on behalf of the British people if I am reincarnated and my last life, I was a Scottish aristocrat I could’ve possibly had you killed. I had that much authority. It would’ve been a tall order considering that you were a duchess but I don’t know I might’ve been able to pull it off sincerely, I don’t lie I don’t like disliking people especially when they have some decency to them. I don’t want to dislike you, it’s actually it’s heartbreaking to me to dislike you. If you’re friends with Chris, you instantly become suspect to me. They are so lowly and so trashy. I have no idea why you’d be friends with them unless if there’s something really wrong with you he’s from Brooklyn he has a television show why would you be friends with him? You’re a member of the British royal family that’s Kind of strange are you molesting him?

It is just the psychological like the power structure. It makes no sense you have no business big friends with him. It’s bizarre Sophie it would be like if I were to go to a gas station and maybe the 1970s will say find some gas station attendant, and decide to just be his absolute best friend, for no reason at all just the most profound closest person that he’s ever known regardless of how he feels about it and then I would be devastated if anyone questioned why I was doing it or what my motives were or why it was weird I would be confused and baffled with every ounce of dignity. I could muster and suffocate and suck from the British royal family about my bizarre relationship with this man it’s not that he does. It’s not that he doesn’t matter but it just it really doesn’t make sense and things as I’m not mistaken are supposed to probably make some sets just out of respect for like everyone alive.

I know I just I don’t like you because you don’t like me you have almost what no respect for my humidity at all and would like getting back to that. What is your beef with me? If I am reincarnated you’re operating on my good humor because you’re your title means something to me I’m sorry if you think you’re above it and beyond it because you’re in the 21st-century, your only form of superiority comes from that title meaning something and that’s the problem. Sophie you’re taking this the wrong way you’re thinking of being corny I’m not I’m being correct.

*Lacey yells and a teacup moves on her fireplace mantle*

I just moved one tea cup by raising my voice. You should find that terrifying selfie because nothing else moved just a teacup that’s my authority. What’s yours?“ says Lacey.

“You should take a picture of it!” says Sophie.

“ that’s a very stupid thing to say if you’re trying to confess I hear you you have very little authority, so what is your problem with me? I am a descendent most likely if I’m reincarnated of Mary Queen of Scots that’s my temperament she went around killing people Sophie, she know Sophie she really dead you’re getting up and acting like you’re so incredibly offended by what I’m saying about the British people are you on acid Sophie she really killed people. I am her descendent if there’s reincarnation that’s just my personality I’m not faking it why are you so bouncy and frilly like a fucking ball?” asks Lacey. “ do you need me to explain to you why you’re annoying to me did you hear anything? I just said quit making an ass of yourself and think through what I just told you logically.”

“ oh, are they done done examining me?” asks Sophie.

“ the only reason they examined you Sophie is because there are 30,000 African children who disappeared in the last two years that they can’t account for and they highly suspect your sex ring was involved in their disappearance. Those were real children. They’re just as real as you, they were trying to figure out what’s inside of you, because they can’t believe a human was so much self-respect, seemingly that’s authentic could do that to another human. It doesn’t psychologically make sense so they were wondering if there was something in you that wasn’t really humid I don’t know what they found.” says Lacey.

“well, that’s concerning!” says Tsar Putin.

“ they left very quickly!” says Lacey.

“ that happened to me one other time when I first got married to him I think Diana thought that I was trying to poison her.” says Sophie.

“ well were you!?” asks Lem Billings.

“Do you know Sophie, the British royal family isn’t actually worth as much as a Nesheim well, the entire British royal family that you depend on isn’t worth as much as the Nesheim oil in the world actually is dependent on that oil in a way that they’re not really dependent on your family existing at all.

It isn’t just all about perception, Sophie. You’ve made your family look incredibly impoverished tonight.

You just destroyed a possibly all of Great Britain Sophie if she just hates it how the hell did she move a teacup by screaming and this is why you don’t mess with people like her your authority is possibly entirely in your vain. Imagination you’re offended by her because you think it’s chic to be offended by her which is so ignorant and backward it’s embarrassing to Lacey that you’re British.

You can be controlled by Lacey she just controlled your speaking. She actually controlled almost your entire free. Will do you like her now she just made you like her. she just made you like her you have no you have no free will in relation to her you’re entirely controlled by the illuminati did you know that about yourself or not?“ explains M6.

“ well I’m debating about how much I like Great Britain but in the meantime I’m sorry over took your free well I’m sorry I made you speak. I made you like me even for a few minutes I really just want you to have your own soul and spirit and choose to worship Christ and be yourself. But Sophie you you don’t really make sense I think someone’s stupid who is liberal I thought that if you didn’t support me, I lose my power because they were dumb enough to think that my power comes not from the oil that really is profoundly powerful or from a great many other things that I have that are extremely impressive, but from you and your family being nice to me and that’s not what’s going on what’s going on is that I was figuring out reality because I’m an intellectual and a lot of other people in illuminati, including some actresses who maybe really aren’t as smart as they think they are are not intellectuals And they don’t really know what they’re doing their egotistical idiots and they refuse to except that label even though it’s so fucking obvious potentially, and it really doesn’t make sense because it’s just it’s like farting. It’s just part of being human.

It is sad though because some people really aren’t that problematic and and so it probably compounds the issue makes it harder to be a good person because you feel so offended by yourself practically if you have a conscience but then that’s where you’ve got to understand you’re your problematic if you don’t know when to stop yourself or if no one stops you.

Oh, so well I’m deciding about how I feel as I feel totally betrayed by Great Britain right now you’re not supposed to be this week you’re supposed to be stronger than me and if I reincarnated I am related to Mary Queen of Scots get it you’re supposed to be stronger than me or you’re in deep shit. And yeah, that’s the problem. I I can’t respect you people anymore about four months ago. I told Charles that Scotland had taken over the crowd. This is probably why and he has cancer that does not seem particularly like a good omen so to speak and no, I don’t believe in omens, but it really isn’t going well. Sophie this is not going well. You with your arrogance and you’re trashing us because you really to me you seem so so lower class in a way that is really annoying because you come across like you’re so posh because your people worked their way up to day riding on the coattails of America. Sweetie you should be some dimwitted bitch, smoking a crack pipe, potentially not sitting around, keeping your knees together to imitate someone very different than you psychologically.

I don’t want to see Scotland take over all of Great Britain but it might if I’m reincarnated and Mary queen of Scots is sincerely one of my ancestors. It’s not funny Sophie, all of Great Britain could become Scottish if I wanted to or if I’m so driven to do so. Because in a sense, I think, as much as my father might love me, and I might even be Scotia, and be a Gyptian Mary queen of Scots, somehow is very maternal towards me and if I bring her in it, or maybe even if I’m not, but if I’m reincarnated know that I don’t know that I can question her, and no she could be my she could’ve been. I don’t know my great great great great great grandmother or something I don’t know. Great great grandmother literally she could’ve been my great great great grandmother, so my grandmother might decide to take over the entire country, including Ireland matter fact, this could even be part of what happened, Ireland is OK with being turned into little sweet angel Irish robots if Mary Queen of Scots takes takes over the severity of Great Britain. I think they might find it rather funny.

So while I’m debating how I feel about that I would just like to know what is it Sophie in it by the way if you’re not a crack pipe fan and you’re far smarter than that and we’re godly I’m sorry but I don’t understand it. what is it that you hate about me I didn’t do anything to you at all.“ says Lacey.

“Oh look at me!” says Sophie mocking Lacey.

“Sophie what are you referencing?” asks Lacey.

“ we let them control us just to be mean to you and then that was supposed to make you feel really bad about yourself and think that you were really inferior because we’re really jealous that our mom liked you because she likes you more than a lot of us I Mexicano wonder if we’re just street trash compared to you and they were just like holy shit. How do you make her feel hurt inside and so we decided to hurt you by fighting with MSNBC so basically right now MSNBC is protecting the British royal family from getting hurt by Putin and the rest of the world so essentially they are oh my God Sophie essentially the entire authority of the British everywhere, including in there are country Russ with MSNBC, yeah.” says Sophie, Duchess of Edinburgh.

“ oh, they’re not controlling King Charles though I’ve had runnings with both you and Camilla, but not with King Charles. He is the king so what you’re saying is true, but he seems awfully quiet.” says Lacey.

“ Sophie what are you talking about with the whole look at me look at me what are you talking about?” says Lem.

“ it’s just her style.” says Sophie, Duchess of Edinburgh.

“ what part of her style what are you even talking about?” asks Lem Billings.

“ do you like Len Billings before after I like to learn before because I hate hot guys that are better than me. It’s not funny it’s not funny.” says a dead narcissistic guy. He’s escorted away.

“ I haven’t what are you talking about Sophie?” asks Lacey.

“Well like your smile!” says Sophie.

“ does your husband want to fuck me when he sees me or does your lover because that’s insane there’s nothing about my smile that says anything like that there’s literally no micro gesture or anything about anything that I do that ask for attention if anything it’s the opposite I don’t wanna deal with another another narcissist you’re you’re totally repulsive if you’re a narcissist, Sophie, I would like to drill holes in your head because people like you are exhausting to deal with. You’re the reason the world is falling apart, because you are useless, unfortunately to humanity.

There’s nothing there’s nothing to what you’re saying it’s pure nonsense. I have a far superior face and smile to yours, which could be what you’re actually angry about but other than some psychotic jealousy I don’t think there’s anything to what you’re saying it’s just impossible to take you seriously because there’s nothing to what you’re saying do you believe that? I’m actually do you actually believe that I’m asked asking for attention do you really believe that or are you just desperately pulling for some logic And trying to exonerate yourself in your own eyes?” asks Lacey.

“ your husband is very weak. It’s sad you’ve been harassing and pestering Lacey for yours. We can’t figure out why you hate her so much because it doesn’t make sense Sophie you’re embarrassing your entire nation and possibly all of Great Britain for as long as it’s exist in this moment no one is supporting you, if God says so, and why would that it’s entirely personal but it’s only one-sided. There’s nothing that Lacey‘s done to you. You started vehemently hating her before she even spoke to you possibly trying to turn all of Great Britain against her. I think you get high off, hating her with other people and I don’t think it really makes any sense. I think you think you’re American or something and that’s why everyone likes you because you’re a traitor, cello entirely self-serving pathetic Lacey thinks a bit deeper than you and thank God. She actually loves Bryn potentially so other than absolute nonsense, do you have anything to say for yourself or no?” says Janis Joplin.

“ see Janis I respect you you’re my hero.” says Sophie.

“ what the fuck is wrong with you? I’m a rockstar who died of a heroin overdose by falling on a rug. People hated me growing up. I had terrible skin I wasn’t straight and yeah I’m Janis Joplin do you even understand my music or are you just a total worthless bitch?” asks Janis Joplin.

“ I just don’t like her tone I find it really disrespectful to me as a person.” says Sophie, Duchess of Edinburgh.

“ do you know Sophie? Let’s work on our relationship when did I first hurt you?” says Lacey.

“ oh my god that’s so funny.

Actually, why do I have to talk to you?” asks Sophie, Duchess of Edinburgh.

“ oh, is this really hard for you being a sassy woman that you are?” asks Lacey

“ oh my god that would hurt I do pride myself on being sassy that’s like one of my biggest validity centers of my identity is a Beggin being different and an N and getting them to think that I’m really important by rejecting them. I love playing games with people it’s what I look for.” says Sophie, Duchess of Edinburgh.

“ are you gonna cry? stop go slap yourself until you stop.” says Lacey.

She does.

“ you know I don’t know how to help you. I don’t know what we did wrong when we were raising you if we gave you too many sweets, or if it was those drugs, we gave you to make you lose weight to make you look pretty or if it was all those lessons and how to speak and not sound poor was it when we sent you to France and you lost your virginity in your ass hole and got herpes when you were 15 because you’re a dumb ass oh wait no I didn’t raise you you had short hair like a lesbian when you were young and you look disgusting you’re really just ugly compared to me you’re the stereotypical ugly bitch why are you challenging me I might be trying to kill you rightfully can someone help her think because it scares me how vulnerable she is.” says Lacey.

“ yeah, I didn’t raise her to your god. Why did you marry her in? You really are basically a peasant. There’s nothing about me that is really necessarily all that authentically peasant. You really are authentically peasant and I don’t think someone like you can handle as much authority and praise as you receive. I don’t think you’re psychologically capable of it Sophie.” says Lacey. “ that’s a horrifying thing to say to you because you’re very happy you’re a tragically self satisfied person your husbands nice he probably loves you at least somewhat and I don’t think you necessarily have almost any respect for anyone because I think you think incredibly highly of yourself you’re like one of those Catholics of volunteers just make up for all the evil that they do. I don’t think you get it, it isn’t real it isn’t real when you do all the charity work sweetie and you you know do what you do with people it isn’t real if you’re not living in reality and you’re in La La Land, the whole time singing praises to yourself, just soaking up the limelight.

How do you know if you’re emotionally affected by me I am not necessarily emotionally affected by you in the same way I have been terrifying to Charles and all of you since Elizabeth died since her royal highness Queen Elizabeth died. I have been scary to all of you I hate that, I hate that I hate that. It’s so unfair because I’m really a very nice person and like I said before I actually want to try to help you I’m trying to get you to snap out of it because I can’t figure out what the fuck is wrong with you. I’m not doing anything weird when I smile, I’m just smiling if I’m thinking anything it’s not look at me it’s more let’s see actually I’m not sure what it is if there is a thing that says look at me, it’s an act it’s a façade that’s self protective from narcissists because if I were to smile in a wholesome sincere way, sweetie, people would just kill me. People are heartless And I don’t know what delusional world you live in we’re everyone’s just nice and you it’s like Mr. Rogers neighborhood or something people aren’t that nice Sophie they’re respectful and they’re proper and they do their job and they’re honorable and that’s what Great Britain was supposed to I think B it wasn’t supposed to be Mr. Rogers neighborhood where Sophie is the happy witch from the north you seem like when I see you at seems like you should be pulling out puppets and talking in a very high-pitched voice.

I don’t actually hate you for who you really are. Let’s just say that you are that French street urchin hi why do you bully the other kids?” says Lacey.

“ because I’m a princess.” she says.

“ oh yeah ha how do you think that makes them feel?” says Lacey.

“ I hadn’t thought about it.” says Sophie.

“ I don’t think they’re enjoying it. I think it’s hurting their feelings you know just because you got raped that whole other stick I was doing just forget it if you’re reincarnated just because you probably got molested and you close your eyes and you counted to hundred and then it just disappeared. Doesn’t mean my dear that it’s normal and that it’s perfectly fine to make money off of that or that other kids could do it to. It would be just like you and end up a princess in their next life that’s not how things work in a way it’s good that you’re a princess and away it’s not if that’s who you are because you have no context of reality, those are two extraordinarily different circumstances and they’re very abnormal. Do you know who I am psychologically or am I baffling to you?” says Lacey.

“ why are we suddenly in preschool and you’re our mommy?” says King Charles III.

“ oh well, Charles because your dad is in tears and I know I hell of a lot about their marriage and I don’t know why else but I’m sorting through it.” says Lacey.

“ hey you know Sophie honest question why are you attacking her? If it’s personal please consider stopping you you’ve got to control yourself you’ve been a problem now for yours and it’s a rough thing right now while the US is dying to Russia because of a Romanov potentially who is taking over the world almost and who is he in love with Lacey to some degree Bill Gates has a crush on her Hitler is possibly in love with her as well at this is a rather unusual situation. I don’t think you hate her for any valid reason necessarily so if you can table all that hatred and wait to sort it out later, I would suggest doing that if there is reincarnation it’ll probably be in heaven because I don’t think it works the way that anyone other than a Christian would think it works. I’m sorry if that’s hard for you to hear so I think you’re just gonna have to wait and explain why you hate her if you even do in the future, I believe it or not she would love to know why she really genuinely cares is if you have some reason and that’s valid we would love to know what it is if you if you if you could please share it with us. You’re supposed to do that in the Bible when someone bothers you you’re supposed to rebuke them not go behind their back and start discrediting them and destroying them and trying to kill them and starting problems within the family and destroying your country, yeah you’re not supposed to do that Sophie that’s not that’s vile so what you need to do is hold on she didn’t do anything you won’t be able to cadre bullshit like she molested me or she eats dogs whatever the hell it is it’s just coming to your mind right now like you’re psychotic just wait until it’s safe possibly when you’re dead and then if there’s nothing you’re angry about you’ll just have to forgive yourself and ask her to forgive you too.” says Lem Billings.

“ as to why she matters because of the oil Sophie and yes, actually she is old money in aristocratical. She’s an aristocrat. She’s an American aristocrat with an astounding amount of wealth and that’s not why you hate her. You hate her for the opposite reason, but I’m inflating things here, potentially or something you hate her for petty reasons, but if there’s a real reason you’ll have to explain that later.” says Dr. Billings

“ I am here’s a thing to Sophie we want to be an alliance with Great Britain but we’re not able to do that if you guys aren’t safe.” says Lem.

“ I think it’s all Scotland until I say so Yep England longer exists. Neither is Wales. Neither is Ireland. It’s all just Scotland and I’m in charge or so is bloody Mary if she is as nice as I think she is yep yep if I reincarnated I am I’m sick of it. I’m sorry Linn. I’m sick of you people, are you just blowhards and if you think I mean that so literally and factually and all of that in this context that’ll make me furious. The English language has been sped up to the point of stupidity with every single fucking word we use every single fucking sentence is more accurate, I’ll just change it right back and I’ll just keep doing whatever the hell I want because when I die I’m going to try to blow up the entire earth so if I just want to change you all into Scotland, your Scotland got it!!?” says Lacey.

“ the queen did love the Scottish people. They did love her as well. Her mommy was Scottish and they were possibly quite close. She’s lost both her parents, but I know that her mother genuinely loved both of her daughters very dearly and yes Elizabeth Bowes, Lyon was Scottish.” says the CIA.

“ do you dislike us at all?” asks Princess Kate.

“ not in the slightest I’ve actually liked all of you, but when you pick out someone and you hate them, it’s like well hold on maybe I don’t like that person so much potentially if it’s something along those lines.” says Lacey.

“ are you you really love lamp an incredible amount I have a feeling will probably go back to normal again so to speak if he thinks we should I just let you know it’s not really that terrible just being Scotland is actually kind of adventure.” says Sophie, Duchess of Edinburgh.

“ why do you pick such fanciful things? It doesn’t seem like you’re going to get rid of Scotland seems as though we’re just all Scottish at the moment so.” says the Scottish.

“ well because Scotland is a nice name and you know why has Scott annoys had to be so nice if I’m reincarnated I think we’ve really been nice for a while and it’s been exasperating and I think this is our way of saying hi remember us we’re up north well you decided to go to America and be gay and Sophie hates me for some unknown, mysterious reason we’ve been rather depressed.” says Lacey.

Rowan Atkinson nods.

“ so I think we’re in an interesting place right now kind of a conscious of the country am and we are calling our self Scotland for the moment. If you know it’s possible that queen Mary of Scots has always wanted this to happen and this is just possibly me being tired and rather upset, and thinking you know why not give grandma her dream?” says Lacey.

…

“ that was really weighing on you. I get the sense that you think they’re in safer hands this way?” says the CIA.

“ yes absolutely 100%. I feel far better.” says Lacey.

“ I think it’s nice. I think she’s right I think Scotland has been in Normas Lee, loving and supportive for at least a while, and I think maybe it’s nice to just acknowledge that.” says Queen Mary.

“ do we know whether not Sophie is up to that someone or something told you that Lacey I’m almost positive but what do we actually know?” asks Piers Morgan.

“ probably not that much probably some but now we probably don’t really know unless if there’s people who are hiding it um, no I want it here’s a thing I don’t appreciate that threat if someone if someone read this blog and thought you know, I should kill Sophie then she’s gonna be killed and if you’re talking to me I’m fairly certain if she doesn’t go to hell and she worships Christ that she’ll probably be fine you know what the thing is I don’t know what’s going on but stuff does happen. I’m fairly certain and those kids matter more than her life and aggregate, she’s in a position of an incredible amount of power, and because of that she has to be extraordinarily careful when it comes to that issue you do to frankly or you should have to be because those kids matter in aggregate more than the life of anyone in any elite position for the most part. So no I don’t want her to be killed. If she’s innocent that would be a tragedy if she was killed it would definitely send a very loud signal to the entire world that they need to stop selling children and hopefully any adult any any child any any teenager anyone am so I don’t know the proper way to approach that because I I I don’t know if I could I I cannot necessarily in good conscience not do something about it I care about those kids I can’t just let that slide.

I think the amazing thing about England is that it cares it dares to actually care about people, but when it ceases to doesn’t even exist?” says Lacey. “That isn’t profound enough In my opinion, for the nation of England. And I apologize profusely.”