Champagne and Quail by Henry Mancini plays.
Máel Sechnaill mac Máel Ruanaida, and others sit with Lacey and chill. Listening to Henry Mancini.
“Why are we here!?” yells Mac at Carl Reiner.
“To see the reason why we’re better than you.” explains Peter Lawford patronizingly and yet cheerfully.
Jack twirls and dances to try to seem alluring and fascinating to the kings.
The Irish kings are not amused. Just like Lacey they look baffled and extraordinarily disturbed.
“Jack. I know you’re just residual energy these days love…but do you think you can tell us why…you thought it made sense to so thoroughly steal Lem from Great Britain?” says Carl Reiner.
“He didn’t!!!” yells Christopher Plummer.
“I agree.” says all of Ireland prior to the 1920’s. “We’re just as lost as all of you.” they say to Great Britain and Lacey…and Lem…and the Billings…and the Fitzgeralds of Minnesota.
“Jack. Honey. Are we just nuts?” asks Katy Perry.
Jack starts crying. He can’t stop crying. And so he starts walking around and crying instead of dancing.
More later.
“They’re some of the most heinous people I’ve ever witnessed in history, other than possibly the Nazis.” says Ireland prior to the 1920’s about the Kennedys.
“Yeah. I don’t understand why they did that to themselves.” says Tony Dow.
“Why Lem?” asks a group of passengers on the Titanic.
“He’s hot!!” says Jack Kennedy.
“Mmm. No. Not necessarily.” says Penelope Keith.
“No! That’s a lie!” says a demon.
“Not really.” says Lem.
“Fine. He’s…sexy.” says JFK.
“Mmm. Only to Lacey.” says an ancient Irish King.
“No. I can see it too. But…not…like Lacey. Did you see it Jack?” asks Penelope Keith.
“Never you mind!” says Jack Kennedy playfully. He laughs.
“No. Jack…I doubt it!” says Penelope Keith.
Jack Kennedy laughs.
“Jack. Why? We all assumed you kept Lem around because he was a slutty, fat, jolly faggot.” says the American press of the 20th Century. “Like…you used him. Because he was just there…and convenient…because he was…so desperate to be with you.”
“Yeah. We did. And we’ve been lying and covering for both of you ever since.
What did you actually think?” asks Judith Exner.
“I wanted to hurt his wife.” says Jack.
“He wanted to hurt his wife!?!” say grossly sheltered living people in horror.
“Yeah. I did.
Remember?
I knew he would make some woman really happy. And I wanted to ruin that.” says Jack Kennedy.
“So you were more after his wife?” asks the CIA.
“It was a long con. Yes.
I meant to hurt his wife. I love hurting women. Or did. LOVE IT!!” says JFK.
“Why?” asks the CIA.
“Because they’re women. I just hate women.” says Jack.
“Lem…why did you go along with that?!?” yells Louis Bayard. “I’ve found it extremely disturbing for a while.”
“I made an ass of myself.” says Lem. “I made a complete fucking ass of myself.” He pauses to think. “I’m not like Jack. Really! I mean it!
*he pauses*
I was trying to be brave. But in America it was for no damn good reason. Y’all didn’t have my back. And I’m not going to hold you accountable for what you’re not responsible for…but I’m…angry. I made an ass of myself!
It took me a while to figure it out.
And…when I did it was too late.
Why did it take so long for me to figure it out? Because I didn’t have…any great advice. I didn’t have that many people to talk to. And I so I didn’t notice certain things that were happening to me. I’m extremely good-natured.
And the rest of it…well.
Max Richter’s Vivaldi’s Four Seasons (Re-composition) plays.
I didn’t make excuses for Jack. I didn’t excuses for his behavior. Rather…I vilified women. Not all women. Not even most women. Actually the opposite. I saw some women as…almost saintlike. It was more that…I assumed any woman who would want promiscuous sex was…suspect. Not…promiscuous sex as in free love…but rather…women who would give themselves to men. So…Lacey…in my worst nightmares.
Some woman who liked to be funny…and have fun…and who was smart…who Jack liked…who would screw him…and then…give herself to him…
I was incredibly jealous.
But I didn’t know why.
Jack would screw them…and pretend to be innocent. Why? Because he was just like me.
HE WAS JUST LIKE ME.
DON’T YOU GET IT!?!?
…The idea was that we both longed for WOMEN. WE BOTH LONGED FOR WOMEN!!!
Yup. Bobby and I liked heroin and Jack and I liked pussy.
But…see…I thought I was gay. Because I was ignorant and innocent and very confused.
Anyway…I wasn’t gay.
So…I just…wrote his sexual desires off for women as innocence on his part. I thought he was…just being a man. And any woman who would go for it…was…suspicious.
I didn’t think that highly of him.
And I didn’t think that highly of the women.
But I thought they were more to blame.
Because men…can’t help it. And women…are supposed to be more knowing or something.
…But…the thing is…they weren’t kind women. The women he’d screw over? They were often mean girls. Like actual mean girls. …Fun, sometimes pretty, but mostly just…catty, competitive bitches. To some degree Jackie was like that, I’m sorry.
No, I wasn’t in love with Jack.
…And…when they’d remind me of Lacey…it’d hurt like Hell. Because she was supposed to be smarter than that.
And she is.
But she wasn’t there.
In my later years…I somehow understood her better. And…then I just wanted to die. And I did.” says Lem.
“How does Lacey feel about that?” asks Louis Bayard.
“Hurt.” says Lem.
The ancient Irish kings nod.
“How am I those women? And…you have to understand they were human. Right?” asks Lacey.
“Yeah! But…they’d choose to run off and be reckless with him.” says Lem.
“Wow that’s disgusting!” says Lacey.
“How did you not understand the sway he had over them!?” asks Lacey.
“Because I was straight.” says Lem.
“But you can’t have believed they were idiots!” says Lacey.
Lem thinks. “No! But I thought they knew what they were doing.”
“Why!??! Women are FOOLS!” says Lacey. “Or they were. Are you heartless!?”
Lacey and Lem sit watching Jack and a girl.
“What’s she doing?” he asks Lacey.
“She’s being vain. But…this will hurt like Hell later.” says Lacey.
“What will happen?” asks Lem.
“She’s going to have a realization at the worst possible moment that Jack doesn’t give two shits about her…and then she’ll wish she’d never been born…and then he’ll mutilate her vagina…and she’ll scream like a wounded baby bird being attacked by a demon…and then you’ll suck the demon’s cock later and vomit…and make everyone believe the demon was heroic Irishman.” says Scotia. And at that she stabs Lem in the face and then slices him in half if he deserves it according to God.
Lem smiles.
“I might not deserve it.” he says. “But thank you. …I was more innocent than that.”
“How could you have missed it!??” says Lacey.
“Because you’d never do that. And neither would my sister. Or my mom. Or my grandma.” says Lem.
“But our daughter would.” says Lacey.
Lem stares at her.
“What’s going on!?” says Lacey pointing at them. “Jack is LYING.”
“Yeah. I would do that!” says Dr. Billings to his son.
“But you’d never let our daughter be that stupid!” says Lem.
“No! But…what if something went wrong? …That’s…joy.” says Lacey.
Dr. Billings nods his head in agreement with Lacey.
“It’s ego. But I was a prominent doctor Lem. …Jack made those women feel special.” says Dr. Billings. “They were gullible.”
“Yes! Because some of them, maybe not all, but some of them were badasses.” says Lacey. “In some way. They were grand.”
Dr. Billings smiles. “Yeah!”
“Yeah. It’s mean.” says Dr. Moritz.
Our Reflection by Max Richter plays.
“I didn’t know that.” says Lem.
“Why!?” yells Dr. Billings, quietly.
“Because I didn’t think it…existed. I never knew it existed.” says Lem.
“But look how happy she is!” says Lacey.
“I thought that was vanity. Jack lied to me too.” says Lem. “He made them seem evil. And always narcissistic.”
The Architect by Kerry Muzzey plays.
“What would have happened if you’d been the girl?” asks Lem.
“Hold on. I need Cheezits.” says Lacey. “Or pizza.”
Moments later.
The Last Man by Clint Mansell & Kronos Quartet plays.
It’s 1936.
Lacey meets up with Jack with Lem there. She says hello to Lem.
Lem grimaces when she turns away. But she catches it. She stares at him.
And Lacey being Lacey she devised a plan.
“Hey. Go get me a pot of tea.” says Lacey to JFK.
Jack smiles and nods and runs back into the house to go get the pot of tea. While he’s gone,
“What’s your problem?!” Lacey asks Lem.
Lem sits up more. Looks down at the ground. Then stares her in the eye.
“Look! Something is bothering you. What is it?” asks Lacey.
He smiles and laughs. Grins.
“No! Tell me before Jack gets back!” demands Lacey.
Lem’s breathing quickens. He raises his finger to speak but goes silent. Begins crying.
“Don’t fuck him!” he says quietly in a heterosexual voice he rarely uses.
“My gosh. You’re crass.” says Lacey.
Lem’s mouth drops open.
“Why am I here!?” asks Lacey.
Lem looks worried.
“Don’t worry.” says Lacey. She walks back inside through a different door.
Lem races after her in shock.
Once inside Lacey gets dressed out of her swimsuit…with Lem nervously watching.
“Look. I’m leaving. And you’re coming with me.” says Lacey to Lem.
“Okay.” says Lem, laughing to himself.
And so they run off together.
“Okay! But…what would have happened to you?” asks Lem of his father.
Lem’s father laughs.
“Okay. I’ll try it.” she says. He laughs.
The Farm by Thomas Newman plays.
And at that Lem’s father becomes a pretty girl. And Lem doesn’t recognize him temporarily.
“Hey!” says Jack.
Lem looks up at his dad and feels worried.
“Where are we going?” asks Lem’s dad.
“Out to the island!” says Jack.
Lem’s dad laughs. “Okay.” he says.
They start walking off together with Jack racing ahead. And Lem’s dad stops and looks upset. Glares at Jack. Stands and pouts.
“And that’s what worries me. If our daughter said yes…and then got carried away in nature…she could suffer.” says Lacey to Lem.
Lem’s dad scowls and finally Jack relents and returns to him. “Hey! Let’s go.”
“No. I’m getting sick.” says Lem’s dad.
Jack tries wooing her…but she turns around and sulks as she walks back.
“We completely fucked up. If Lem was in on Jack’s murder we needed to keep a far better eye on him. This was bound to happen. He was a terrorized man. …His life was in shambles. He was bound to cause a disaster of epic proportions.” says George Bush Sr..
Safe Now by Henry Jackman plays.
“Why!?” yells a man.
“Because- Wow. …Umm…Lem was a victim. Jack was a horrific abuser. …And it was Jeffrey Epstein plus. It was HUGE.
And so…because of who Lem should have been…to society…given his intelligence, character and social class…” says Dan Levy. He sighs. “It was a recipe for disaster. …He was so likely to be incredibly angry and bitter. And so…something was bound to happen.”
“OK if Lem’s straight and I kind of have a weird feeling that he was I’m confused because why wouldn’t he just die? …Which is what happened!
Like…I think this is where you guys really probably do need to discuss reincarnation…because I think that’s part of the confusion. They probably thought, ‘He’ll die. And if he doesn’t find a wife…he’ll be happy in the afterlife!’ …I don’t think anyone would’ve anticipated his wife being here without him right after he died! Umm…so that’s one thing.
The other thing is…why wasn’t Lem able to just handle what happened? Like why do we-Why does it-Why is that? Why is there an inevitable mental breakdown or catastrophe?” asks a reader.
“ oh, because he was at his wits end, and who is part of the association plot of JFK. We found him already at his wits end, which is part of what people don’t ever understand about him. He was already losing his mind he, he really was as innocent as he might have seem to be a and he was straight, and so after performing, you know, a oral sex on Jack over and over again and not being able to process how that was even inappropriate for him and being bullied by Jack and being isolated from his family and anyone that cared about him to some degree, and being turned against himself, and against his family, and being isolated and brainwashed and controlled, and then fighting back against that he was at his wits end he really didn’t understand how to process what was happening to him you know honestly it’s because he was a man OK when that happens to a woman we expect it we expect to be vulnerable we expect to be victims. It’s not shocking to us and so we just said ourselves what the hell I’m a woman it happens sometimes we get ourselves in a jam Karmin easy Peezy! Women don’t struggle with that as much in this type of situation because it’s just so common and so part of the female experience that it’s sort of it’s like second nature to Sarah shrug it off as a woman to be like it doesn’t say anything about my character doesn’t say anything about me It doesn’t mean that I’ve lost my mind really it just means that I am I’m just being terrorized, you know what happens and so it’s a far as your process and women bounce back.
Hey, where is men in this kind of situation have a harder time because a it’s processing you know what does this make me have I magically become gay and if I haven’t and I don’t think I’m really thought that in that way I just don’t think that’s how he thinks so I don’t think he was confused by that other men might’ve slightly been to some degree And so that might’ve been part of the confusion with the bushes and other people is that they were like well he’s just bisexual it’s like no he’s not bisexual he’s straight and so it’s not like he can just say that’s just some weird thing that I experience sometimes and yeah I find women attractive but you know I just it was a weird thing you know it wasn’t like that he was actually straight and so Being a little unaware of what bisexuality and homosexuality were at the time it’s possible some men in the CIA I got confused and thought that he would be fine. He just need to date a woman you know and maybe he was ready to and I thought well good that’s great. You should be getting them in anyway and I didn’t realize that it would be such an easy transition for him that wouldn’t be such an easy transition for him because it wasn’t like being bisexual. I’m just giving up on man you know it was it was being straight and being totally baffled by the entire fucking experience and just bat shit crazy or feeling Batshit crazy.
Him and also Lacey is a different person than some people and she’s on the she’s his like that’s part of him waiting for him and have it right and so if he says I will write it for now hopefully that safe and if it’s not your God Jesus, please protect us in Jesus name so the idea is that it’s like We’re dealing with. It’s just totally different people and I have a feeling with George men’s is that he had to get sense. He probably listen if Lemos part I’m sorry if this is hard for some people to hear or understand if Lem Holtz kill Jack, Jorge, bush, bush, Senior George bush, bush Senior was in on it to most likely. Yes someone changed my words and we’re gonna start going with Lacey‘s. Grandpa Pantell‘s approach because this is just too fucking funny. Yeah it’s lame is like Steve Holt in Arrested Development but he’s not that stupid if Steve a stupid lame is like Steve Holtz and I don’t think him. I don’t think Steve Holt is someone that you’d want to put into just I don’t see it. Steve is different. This is the character. Steve is different that way, but still I feel like there’s a part of Steve where it would be a recipe for disaster. If the wrong thing happened it’s hard to put it into words.
I know it is it gets irritating that you people constantly want to make love gay but Lacey‘s been patient. I don’t think you realize how inappropriate that is though to keep assuming that she’s gay moving beyond that though here’s a thing so I have a feeling that George Bush probably had a gut sense that we needed to keep a better eye on them, but he ignored it.
I am because lamb was the victim not Jack, and so Jack him as much as I’m sure he would love to be the victim and the hero at the same time is the narcissist that he was actually the predator excuse me not the hero as a narcissist that it wasn’t maybe the hero to him I think you got understand love really was a victim, and he really didn’t know how to handle the situation, so George didn’t understand the difference possibly between bisexuality and being heterosexual if George was bisexual himself or three men that he knew who were however that works. And but also, I don’t think they understood what they were dealing with in lambs mind because they thought that somehow he would be able to handle it and why couldn’t here because he was he was at his wits end. He didn’t have any more mental capacity to think about things anymore people can get to that point psychologically from being overly traumatized over a period of time.” says the CIA.
“ at least he doesn’t have that problem. I don’t think she could ever be at her wits end so then what?” asks a reader.
“ that’s true except the problem is that’s because she’s a woman.” says Penelope Keith.
“ oh yeah and so because of their feminine weakness physically reminds can’t fall apart that way or they would just be raped left and right so they have to be stronger mentally to protect their uteruses. Does that make sense? It’s possibly just a survival thing it’s like if they don’t get tough in their head and sharper than men and away think it’s the big they can’t they can’t they just can’t it’s not safe for them and so they kind of have to be that way this is and it’s like well that’s just being a woman you know and actually in a sense who cares because it’s derived out of a weakness and maybe ultimately lemons stronger in someway but I think it looks like she’s too strong for him, but in reality it’s probably just being a woman and most women are like that.” says Penelope Keith.
“ play who’s shoot is that my jack was jealous?” asks Katharine Hepburn.
“ no no I’m not even sure if he was aware of that itwas incredibly vain.” sad Krn.
“ this is hilarious you guys wanna see my newest dance moves!” interrupts JFK.
Young Folks by Peter Bjorn and John plays as Jack dances on the beach of Cape Cod.
“Jack was jealous of Micheal Rockefeller.” ponders the the CIA. “He was bisexual and loved and cool and handsome and good-natured and old money yet new.”
Jack has the same vibe as Tanya Harding.
“Except this isn’t a competition.” says God?
“Why not?” asks Jack.
“Because it’s not how made love to exist.” says God?
“Then how do I win!?” asks Jack.
“There’s no game. It’s not about that.” says God?
“So it’s only about people getting hurt and being happy and stuff?” asks Jack.
“It’s about love.” says God?
“My daughter will know that. But…what if my father didn’t? See…I’m stronger than Lacey. But…if I didn’t love her…she’d have to cut and nail Jack.” says Lem.
“Then how do I get you?” asks Jack.
“Why do you want him?” asks India.
“Because I’m mildly in love and he’s resistant.” says Jack.
“What if he wasn’t resistant?” asks India.
“Then I’d be over him?” says Jack.
“Why?” asks India.
“Because…he’s boring.” says JFK.
“You…find him boring?” says India.
“Mmm…yeah.” says JFK.
“So why do we care so much?!?” asks Kick.
“Because…he’s such a big deal!” says JFK.
“To who!?” asks Ireland post 1920’s.
“To…toi! To lots of folks.” says JFK.
“Jack…are you Lem!? Like…not actually Lem…but was he doing an impersonation of you?” asks a reader.
Jack thinks. Smiles. “And I pretended to be straight?”
“Yeah.” says Africa.
“I seemed bisexual to lots of people. But umm…yeah. Kinda. …I’m not quite like that. He was more prissy and aristocratic. But I was…that vibe. In a way.” asks JFK.
“Why are you such a big deal?” asks Ireland smirking.
Jack ignores them.
“Look. I find Lem’s public narrative…important to my family’s interests.” says JFK. “Okay?”
“So you’re obsessed with Lem because you feel you have to be?” asks Ireland.
“No shit!” says JFK.
“You don’t have to be.” says Ireland.
Jack smiles politely. “Okay. Well…that’s not what Amazon and Barnes & Nobles say. …Until the Gay Rights Movement becomes old fashioned…Lem makes my family relevant.”
“But it’s totally dysfunctional.” says Ireland.
“Yeah. That’s why I’m in Hell.” says JFK. “Funny how you never worry about that. Huh? You know…maybe that’s why I’m not stuck there permanently.”
“Why did we lose our moral compass?” Ireland asks Lacey.
“Ask me that!” yells a dead Irish King.
“Why!?” asks a current Irish woman.
The Irish king cries.
“Why are you forcing Lacey and I together!?” asks Micheal.
“Oh. By the way. I’m raping you too. But worse. Like worse than the women.” Jack says to Lem.
“He’s forcing Lacey and I to fuck through Ireland’s hatred of Lacey.” says Michael.
Adagio in C Minor by Nicholas Britell plays as Lacey walks by Michael wearing a silk nightgown. He can’t get her out of his mind. And so he considers her.
Minuet in B Minor plays as Jack then pushes Lacey on Michael’s lap when he’s sad and lonely and bored. He talks to her for a second and they begin metaphorically falling into each other.
Lacey suddenly realizes what’s happening and metaphorically grabs nearby furniture to save herself so Lem doesn’t get hurt. Michael still hasn’t noticed. He keeps joyfully talking.
It’s slapstick comedy but it still isn’t funny to Lem.
Finally Michael catches on but he can’t figure out how to stop things. It’s genuine quicksand for them. And they feel instantly bad for each other. Because it’s real quicksand.
Michael grabs a lamp. Lacey’s holding on to an end table.
Michael and Lacey laugh together while metaphorically gripping furniture. In good humor.
“You know as much as you…have good reason to exonerate the Irish in regard to the British…don’t go too far. It’s maybe not that absolute all the time in every situation.” says King Charles III to Ireland post 1920’s.
“Yes!” says an ancient Irish King.
Strings + 808 + Beat by Nicholas Britell plays as Lem steps in the quicksand with Lacey.
“Oh. I fight harder. But…I’m about to break something.” says Lem. “But I’m about to fall apart completely.”
“Yes. That’s why we don’t resist. It’s easier to control.” says Michael.
“You give in just a little and then grab its neck.” says Lacey.
“Yes!” says JD Rockefeller.
“Yes. And I bet Lacey is as cool as Lady Mary in Downton Abbey as she does it.” says Scott Fitzgerald to warn Ireland. Because she is.
“And that we’re off to polish silver.” says Penelope.
Theme Variation – Piano, Orchestra, 808 by Nicholas Britell plays.
“I don’t have any idea to express how sorry I am.” says Lem to Lacey. “Dammit.”
“You’re still mad at Lacey!?” asks an Irish woman.
“Slightly.” says Lem. “It’s damn painful.”
“Lem! It’s nonsense. She’s just alive.” says Ireland.
Andante in C Minor – Solo Piano by Nicholas Britell plays.
“Yeah. But…I want her everything.” says Lem.
“Then go get it.” says Ireland post 1920’s.
“I am. That’s the whole idea.” says Lem.
“She’s Jack reincarnated?” asks Ireland post 1920’s.
“No!” says God. “Lacey is not JFK reincarnated.”
Keen to Cross the Pond 