Editing

Most of Lacey’s life living women have rejected her. Bullied her. Confused her.

So…it’s left Lacey rather alone.

She almost joined a sorority once. What would have happened if she’d joined the sorority (Tri Delta) and been allowed to let her true self show?

“Let’s find out.” says Lem.

La Ciudad by ODESZA plays.

“Let’s go garden out back.” says Lacey randomly on a Saturday.

Her sorority sisters look at her like she’s crazy, but shrug.

She’s outside gardening for hours. She redoes the entire landscape around the sorority.

“Huh! I’m in the mood to roast a chicken!” says Lacey at 3:00 PM.

“Okay.” says a woman, confused.

Except Lacey doesn’t find the necessary implements. So she hires a driver and goes and buys a decent cooking set at the mall. For $1,300 for the sorority. And then buys groceries. Hires a maid.

“We have a maid.” says a sorority sister.

“Now we have two.” says Lacey.

“Why don’t we just hire a live-in maid?” says a sorority sister.

“Bad idea. But I agree. …Things have just changed too much.” says Lacey.

“Okay.” says the sorority sister.

Lacey regularly makes dinner. The girls get used to it.

“I’m waiting to be angry.” says a sorority sister at Tri Delta at UND in 2004.

Lacey panics.

“I’m not attracted to any of you.” says Lacey.

“That’s okay!” says a sorority sister.

“I’m sorry I’m such a tomboy. It’s confusing. But I’m attracted to any of you.” says Lacey.

“A tomboy? What’s that?” asks a sorority sister.

Lacey thinks. “A straight, cis little girl who grows up with a loving straight father and assimilates to his culture because her mother is absent or cold.”

“I helped raise Lacey.” says Tom Banks. “She’s my daughter.”

“My father loved the outdoors. With movie stars and their wives. …And so I’d go hunting and fishing in my spirit with the men…and then I’d drink non-alcoholic beverages at night with Lauren Bacall.” says Lacey.

“WE DON’T CARE!!” yells dumbass peasants outing themselves as violent dogs. “GO TO HELL! RICH PEOPLE ARE WORTHLESS!”

“Are most of you malignant narcissists and sociopaths?” asks a Tri Delta sorority sister from UND in 2004.

“Yeah?” says a dumbass peasant.

“So…the actual hurting poor are suffering while you all dominate their ‘voice.’” says Lacey.

“Huh!?” says a dumbass peasant.

“Yeah. …There are like…actual people who are suffering alongside you.” says a sorority sister from 2004.

The dumbass peasant people look baffled.

“Do you care about those people or do you exploit them?” asks Lem.

“Exploit them. Duh!” says a dumbass peasant.

“Yeah…I know.” says Lacey. She shoots them all before Lem makes them hear the Gospel.

“We’re not in any trouble?” asks Tri Delta from UND in 2004.

“No! It’s in the supernatural realm safely.” says Lem.

“Cool.” says Tri Delta from 2004 at UND.

“No. They’d have no way to connect you to anything. That’s not how this works. You’re not at fault. We aren’t either. They are. And God will keep a dossier now on anyone who looks suspicious for your protection.” says Lem.

Elephant by Tame Impala plays.

“No!!” yells JFK from Hell. “You’re a lesbian!” he yells at Lacey.

“No. I’m really not.” says Lacey.

JFK claws violently at the gates of Hell to try to attack her and violate people like a rabid creature stuck in Hell for a reason. Hopefully temporarily stuck in Hell.

“I died because of this in 2009.” says DJ AM. “Remember me?”

“How!?” asks Maeve.

“You started playing with my spiritual frequency. And it killed me.” says DJ AM.

“Were you supposed to meet her?” asks Messiah College.

“Yes! At the opera in New York City.” says DJ AM. “I would have found Lacey instantly attractive.”

“But she’s not your twin flame?” asks the Illuminati.

“No. But she was a soulmate. Now…she’s not.” says DJ AM.

“Was she supposed to be a soulmate?” asks the Illuminati.

“No. …But we would have understood each other on a deep level. And…yet…we’re different. I liked drugs. Lacey and Lem…actually don’t. They’re too serious.

I was too right before I died. And I couldn’t get high enough to feel okay. I was too sad and heartbroken. So I overdosed.

‘I’ll either die or finally feel okay.’ was my thought. But some people don’t feel that way from drugs at all. And Lacey is one of them and so was Lem to some degree.

She’s not used drugs. But for pot, once. …But she had an epidural and she’s been drunk. Umm…no. She resents it. She resents being intoxicated…but she finds alcohol to be a joke.

So did F. Scott Fitzgerald.” says DJ AM.

“A joke?” asks Tri Delta.

“Yeah. …Because they’re usually so nice. But when Scott and Lacey drink…they become honest in a way they can’t be while they’re sober.” says DJ AM.

“So they’d molest me!!” says an evil peasant.

“No! Absolutely not.” says DJ AM.

“Lacey isn’t a pedophile and I’m not either.” says Scott Fitzgerald. “And I’m not that abusive and Lacey isn’t abusive at all.”

“So then what do you do?” asks an evil peasant.

“We…just become honest.” says Scott.

“Never mind. You’re not understanding.” says DJ AM.

“Let’s go back to the sorority.” says the sorority sister from 2004 at UND.

“But you’re happy!?” says Lacey to DJ AM.

“Yes!! Very.” says DJ AM. “I actually did worship Jesus. I heard the Gospel and it got stuck in my heart.”

“I bet!” says an evil peasant.

“What!?” says Lacey.

“I’m making fun of him.” says the evil peasant.

“How!?” asks Lacey.

“So…it’s a joke about things getting stuck in him.” says the evil peasant.

“Stuck in him. What’s that a reference to?” asks Lacey.

“Drugs? Penises?” says the evil peasant.

“He didn’t use needles. …And he was straight.” says Lacey.

“No!! That can’t be right.” says the evil peasant.

“No. That’s all accurate.” says DJ AM. “I’m straight and was. And I rarely used needles.”

“But Lacey is a tomboy. Don’t they like sissy men?” says the evil peasant.

“No!! That’s not what a tomboy is.” says Lauren Bacall.

“Oh right! So…she’s illegitimate!” says the evil peasant excitedly.

“No. She was born to a mother who was a fool.” says Tom Banks.

“So she’s a fool!?” says the evil peasant excitedly.

“No.” says Lauren Bacall.

“Geez. I’m all washed-up. …I thought hating Lacey was my only option. And I’m giving it my all. But it ain’t working.” says the evil peasant.

“Why? Why do you have to hate her?” asks Rita Banks.

“Because that’s all they’ve given us!!” says an evil peasant.

“Who!?” asks the CIA.

“You!!” yells the evil peasant.

“And you can’t reason your way out?” asks the CIA.

“Huh? What’s that?” asks the evil peasant.

“You can’t figure out how counterproductive it is to hate her?” asks Lem.

“No. I can’t. Honestly I can’t.” says the evil peasant.

“Why?” asks the CIA.

“Because…I’m devastated by my own life. It’s complete shit.

Even though I was loved. It’s completely shitty.

“So all you can figure to do is be mean?” asks Tucker Carlson.

“Yeah!” says an evil peasant.

“For real!??” says Tucker Carlson.

“I can’t figure out how to be anything else? Literally. It’s like my brain lacks imagination.” he says.

“But you’re evil!” says Tucker Carlson.

“Yeah. Because I could be loving. And mean in a good way. But I don’t…want to be. …I want a cut. You know? I want a cut of the evil profits. Right? …I want in on the big scam.

And that’s evil.

But…really…in regard to Lacey…y’all have just trained me to be mean. Endlessly mean. I could be otherwise. But y’all don’t have any other ideas either?” says an evil peasant. He thinks. “It’s actually despair. I feel despair.”

“She looks a lot like Tom.” says a woman. “Have y’all done an actual test?”

“No.” says Tucker Carlson.

“Why??” asks an evil peasant.

“Because we’re too scared to.” says Joe Biden.

“She’s either evolved to be my daughter and not their daughter…as she’s so truly different than them…or she’s my biological daughter. And both options scare them. Because they brig suggest an afterlife.” says Tom Banks.

The evil peasant laughs. “They’re scared. Yeah. That makes sense. …But they’re already in bed with me.”

“Yeah!” says Kamilla Harris.

“Do you care about your co-workers?” asks Andrew Carnegie.

“No! That’s where I’m evil. I’m in it for myself.” says the evil peasant.

“Yeah. And so we’re back to the 1890’s.” says Andrew Carnegie.

“Huh?” says the evil peasant.

“The 1890’s.” says Andrew Carnegie.

“Before unions?” says the man.

“Yup!” says a Black woman.

“Nigger!” he says, laughing.

“I was just going to try to help you.” she says.

“No. You’re a nigger.” says the evil peasant.

Lacey gets sleepy.

“Why are you getting sleepy?” asks the Black woman.

“Haven’t we seen this episode before?” says Lacey.

The woman laughs. “Yes! But he’s putting a new twist on it!”

“I’m tired of ‘new twists.’” says Lacey. “Why do you have to be racist!?”

“Because I’m racist!?” says the evil peasant.

“Not really.” says Lacey. “Or you wouldn’t have to be.”

He thinks. “Yeah. Okay.” he admits.

“Shit! Really!!?” asks an evil Black peasant.

“Duh!! You didn’t know that!?!” says the evil (white) peasant.

“CRAP!” says the evil Black peasant.

“Yeah. Remember when we weren’t racist anymore? In like the 1990’s?” says the evil (white) peasant. “Who brought that back again!?”

“We might have?” says the evil Black peasant.

“Mmm. I doubt it. I really do.” says the evil (white) peasant.

“Are they making me feel powerful by giving me the idea that I’m controlling you?” asks the evil Black peasant.

“Duh!” says the evil (white) peasant.

“Shit!!” says the evil Black peasant.

“Yeah. We’re different but we’re…not really enemies. Or we weren’t.” says the evil (white) peasant.

“They pitted us against each other.” says the Black peasant.

“Have they always done that?” wonders the evil (white) peasant.

“Who!?!?” asks the evil Black peasant.

“A few of the Founding Fathers!” says the evil (white) peasant.

A Native American woman wonders. “Which ones!?!”

“The ones who make sense?” says Lacey. “The evil ones.”

“Which ones were evil?” asks a Ming Dynasty.

“It’d take research. But I’d bet if there’s an Illuminati they were the evil ones who stole the US from the others or who invented it?” says Lacey.

“Yup. Possibly.” says Benjamin Franklin. “I’ll speak on their behalf.”

“So what’s the scam?” asks Lem.

“It’s pretty much just…basic evil. They wanted to have their own country. And not be ruled by Great Britain. They may or may not have wanted to be accountable to God. …But basically they wanted their own country run their own way without any interference. So they had to bully people and lie and they felt that being evil to Black Americans would also work to their benefit…but that’s the stupidity of evil. They didn’t realize the long-term effects.” says Benjamin Franklin.

“So…is America real?” asks a reader.

“Yes. In a way. …But…it’s…also not.” says Benjamin Franklin. “It’s real for Lacey Banks and refugees who aren’t treated like shit. It’s real for dead Black soldiers. It’s real for lots of people. But…that’s what happens when you’re evil. You lose. And we lost control of our creation quickly after we made it. It took on a life of its own. And we’ve been struggling to try to get that control back ever since.

But…we were and are too stupid to realize that it doesn’t work. You can’t control people in an American style of governance…the way we want to. Or wanted to. It just doesn’t work.

And the tragedy of JFK is that he earnestly believed and believes the he’s one of us. But he isn’t. He’s not Lacey’s son. He’s Rose Fitzgerald’s son. And he wouldn’t be himself if he was Lacey’s son. He’d be less evil, but he’d also not be himself. And that’s part of the reason he still exists at all.

Don’t over empathize with him though. It’s not safe.

And no, he’s in actual Hell. He’s not Lacey. She’s in a Hellish place on Earth. See…they’re two different people.

Anyway…A Nation of Immigrants was JFK’s faux creation. He had a ghostwriter. Not all people do. But JFK was a faux intellectual. Why? Because he’s from an evil peasant ‘evil white trash’ family of brilliant con artists. And unfortunately for the Irish they’re Irish. The Irish didn’t need that famous bad name attributed so fervently to them. God help them.

Jack was a horrible fool. He tried to use his immigrant background to get clout…but…he forgot he actually was a peasant. He was so rich and spoiled in his enormous new money that he didn’t see it. And his family didn’t see fit to explain. JP was an ambitious man…but also a liar and he outsmarted himself. He forgot that reality made him angry and that it mattered.

‘We’re old money!’ he’d say to his kids. ‘Well not really. But who cares if we’re not!’

‘YEAH!’ his (team) kids would yell, cheering themselves on.

And then…they’d crash and burn. Because…as daring and bold and clever as they were they weren’t actually old money. And so they made stupid mistakes, at least eventually.

They wanted to be superior and ‘kick ass.’ But…in their quest to be that…they forgot that that’s not the meaning of life. And so…they became one big narcissistic joke.

Jack was an immigrant not the son of George Washington. He has no lineage to fall back on. Many Americans did not. Lem can boast of the Mayflower…and Lacey New Amsterdam and the south and New England merchants. But…that’s them. And those people aren’t us. They’re elite historical bystanders. Even if Lacey is my distant relative…we aren’t going to go there because her family was also loyal to the British Crown. It’s complicated.

…

The thing is…Jack isn’t my relative. At all. Not…at all. But he believed that he was…to his core. And he wagered his personal safety and heart on it.

He believed that Lem loved him because he was…stodgy, British and difficult. Jack that is. Jack believed he had a heart of gold hidden by British manners…an elite British education…and his family’s’ ‘cold’ tendencies toward historical grandeur and greatness. He felt he was…rare and…British. English…actually. He was wholly Irish but an Anglophile the way Lacey is. He also believed he looked English. Sounded English. He was insane. He…had genuine psychotic identity delusions. And they’d have been lovable…and forgivable…and quirky…except Jack Kennedy…John Fitzgerald Kennedy was evil. He wanted to be an evil English man. And yet he never understood it.

So…he had tragic delusions about Lem. And lots of other people. Believing he was…cold hearted and dangerous the way Lacey and Lem can actually choose to be at will. Like a scrawny white boy from a suburb thinking he’s a huge black football player from the hood…except he was the evil version of that.

So…he got shot.

Because where Lacey and Lem would go cold and seem scary…the CIA would notice that Jack would start giggling because he felt foolish. And he’d never in his vanity realized that being English was like…actually a thing.” says Benjamin Franklin.

“How British are Lacey and Lem?” asks a hateful ugly female toad reader from Great Britain.

“Very.” says the CIA. “What’s your point?”

“I made an ass of myself.” she says.

“Why?” asks the CIA.

“I acted far too familiar. For a friend.” she says.

“Yeah.” says the CIA.

“But how was I supposed to know!?” she says.

“Take it up with Margy.” says Tom.

Later.

“So there’s a Facebook perfume group. Hmm. How long has it existed?” asks Lem.

“Years.” says a perfume collector.

“And Lacey was purposefully snubbed?” asks Lem.

“Yes!” says a perfume collector.

“Yeah. You’re all full of shit.” says Lacey. “Crying wolf and feeling sorry for yourselves. You’re just spoiled rotten assholes?”

“Yes! We’re lower middle class origin assholes. Fine!” says Alisha Garrity.

“But you got a big ol’ house now! Dontcha?” says Lacey mocking her.

“Yes. She does.” says Casi.

Lacey thinks. “Well that’s nice. Why do I care?”

“I don’t know. Why do you?” asks Casi.

“I didn’t mean that literally. Why…do you expect me to care?” asks Lacey.

“Because it’s bigger than your house!” says Alisha.

“It’s smaller than some houses in my family.” says Lacey.

“Yeah. And it’s shit compared to my houses.” says Thomas Banks.

“But it’s bigger than your house.” says Alisha, being honest for once.

“Yeah. True. No. Not really.” says Lacey.

“You’re supposed to.” says Alisha.

“Not necessarily.” says Lem.

Alisha is unfortunately dumbfounded.

“Are any of you on the Illuminati?” asks Alicia Keys.

“No.” they say.

“Lem you’re bigger than my husband and Lacey is smaller than me.” says Alisha. “You’re the weird ones.”

“No. Not really.” says Lem.

“Crap. Your cousins do have bigger houses and they’re old money and cool. Cooler than me though?” says Alisha.

“Yes! Depending on who you’re trying to appeal to.” says Linn.

“Who do you appeal to?” asks Alisha.

“Casi. We talked earlier. You’re an Ashkenazi Jew. Right? In disguise?” says a southern white supremacist to Casi. “Can’t you control your gang?”

“Huh. Umm…maybe?” says Casi.

“I appeal to-“ starts Linn.

“I’m white!!” screams Casi.

“Maybe slightly. Sure.” says the white supremacy muse.

“I appeal to wealthier people who are more conservative.” says Linn.

“You’re the runner-up!” says an old white wealthy man in the Illuminati.

“Yeah.” says Linn. “Oh well.”

He smiles. “I bet you were the prettiest one there!”

“She was!” says Lacey.

“If Lacey says I was…maybe I was.” says Linn.

“Well why didn’t you try again?” asks the man.

“It was too misogynistic. I felt…like I was being degraded. Just standing there being stared at.” says Linn.

He nods.

“So that’s who tends to get along with us.” says Lacey.

“They’re after sex!” says Alisha’s mom.

“Not necessarily!” says Lem.

The man smiles.

“Then why did your cousin run?!” asks the man’s wife.

“Because…she was vain.” says Bethany about herself.

“You aren’t vain!” says a perfume community member to Bethany.

“No. I can be!” says Bethany, laughing.“

“Okay. So…“ starts Alisha.

“Never mind them. …Why don’t you people care about us!?” asks a Sioux woman.

Tonette Nesheim stares at her. “We were told to look the other way.”

“By the US Government.” says a Sioux woman.

“Yup!” says Edward Nesheim.

“Shit!” says MSNBC. “Don’t be that aware and honest, please!”

“No. We just ignored them. They bothered us. Tonette taught them in school. I was their dentist. Stuff like that. …And we’d try to be charitable when applicable. But…we really mostly just looked the other way.” says Edward.

“Why?!” asks a Native American man.

“Because our…minds were set on that. The Berges and Nesheims are…survivors. And…we were just trying to fend for ourselves. We were pioneers. And we cared. But we aren’t saints. …I’m sorry.” says Edward.

“So you taught dozens of them how to read and write and did dental work on their mouths. But you didn’t take over the US Government to fix the issue with Native People.” says MSNBC.

“Correct. We decided to stay and build our family.” says Toddy Nesheim.

“Build the Nesheim Family.” says Fox News.

“Yes! I’m a loyalist.” says Gunhild Nesheim.

“So am I!” says Louis Hill Junior.

“Were you offended that they used Youth Dew?” asks MSNBC.

“No. But I’m not fucking that woman just because she wears my wife’s perfume.” says Lem.

“I didn’t mean it that way!” says the perfume collector.

“Are you sure!? Casi might have. Lots of assholes might.” says the CIA.

“Awkward.” says Bethany.

“My wife is Jewish!” says Brett Nesheim.

“They’re not all bad.” says the White Supremacist. “That’s good!”