Monday

This morning Lacey woke-up and realized that she’d hadn’t seen posts from one of her followers for a long while. Then she had a gut sense that he had unfollowed her. So she checked and discovered that yes, he had unfollowed her.

…Perhaps he reads this blog. Lacey did comment on his…extremely expensive perfume collection at one point. And people are touchy. People expect Lacey to be hard as nails and lacking in emotional need to the point of making her into Jesus…but if you pay them the slightest criticism they fly off the handle.

The thing is…it’s scary.

He spent over $50,000 on creating a room for his perfume. Easily. And his perfume collection is likely valued at $300,000 but he spent $500,000 collecting it? …And…it’s perfume. It’s not wine.

Wine truly ages. It’s made to be collectible in that way. Perfume can be preserved and should be…but…it’s not worth spending over $50,000 on it unless you’re extraordinarily interested in perfume or you’re extremely wealthy.

“I agree.” says Ira Rennart’s wife.

“Yes. She could spend $600,000.00 on a perfume collection and room and it wouldn’t seem…that odd. Because people like they are almost looking for ways to spend money. …But I would never spend that much. Unless I had over $300,000,000.00 net. And even then I wouldn’t have the collection he had.” says Lacey Banks Billings. *smile*

“Why!?” asks another reader.

“He had almost all completely new niche perfume. …And he horded it almost? I recall him buying it all at once and not savoring it slowly and cultivating his olfactory palate. …And it shows. …Thousands of those bottles will be dated in about five years and in 20 they’ll be inconsequential. They have very little place in the historical record of perfume.

He should have spent more time with historical perfume. He looks like a bombastic, bourgeois charlatan.” says Lacey. “And he had 4,000 followers while following 2,000. He went out of his way to unfollow me. …I had over 6,000 followers and I only followed 200 people. I was a real perfume collector. He comes across like an ass.”

“Yeah. He does.” says an actor in the Illuminati.

“And he very well might not be…but that’s certainly what he looks like.” says Lacey.

“You’re an ass!” he screams at Lacey.

“Did I hurt your feelings?” asks Lacey.

“Oh fuck you!! You dried up old bitch.” he says flailing around.

“Wow! You should shoot off fireworks to express yourself more.” says Lacey.

“I would!!” he yells.

“What makes you so angry about what she wrote on this blog?” asks Tsar Putin.

“You’re not really Tsar Putin! And if you are…FUCK YOU!” he yells.

“Ahh. You’re very patriotic.” says Tsar Putin.

“Answer his question.” says a reader.

“I’ll come kill you.” he says to Lacey.

“Would you? And kill her kids too. Just shoot them all.” says Kate Shaw-Hayes. “The Illuminati would appreciate it.”

“He’d never do it. …Or would you?” asks Lem Billings.

“You’re not getting laid enough?” he asks Lem.

“Actually…no. It would be nice to have her here with me…and my kids too.” says Lem.

“Mark might prefer Heaven as well. Can you shoot him too!?!” asks a blond woman.

“It’s just a few more bullets. And you spent all that money on perfume. You can afford it!” says a perfume collector.

He thinks. Looks proud and cocky and idiotic…and white…and male…and middle class…and scared…and depressed.

“Are you one of us…or are you just…extravagant with perfume?” asks Anderson Cooper.

“I’m not crazy. Really.” he says.

“No! Are you working for the CIA or Dubai…or are you just trying to look rich?” asks a man in the Illuminati.

“Lacey! You’re not collecting more perfume. You’re not!” says a woman who collects oil on canvas in the Illuminati.

“You are far to catty for your own good.” says a man to this extreme perfume collector.

“No! I don’t work for any organization.” he says.

“You’re worth $4 million?” asks a Nesheim. “Why do you collect so much perfume?!?”

“Is it to replace an addiction?” asks Lacey.

“Sort of.

I’m worth at least $4 million. Why isn’t that more than enough to collect so much perfume??” he asks. “Really!”

“Because it’s such a waste.” says a new money man in Minnesota.

“Yeah. It’s not like wine. It’ll mostly all be wasted. Not all. But a lot.

So…you wasted $300,000.” says Mark Zuckerberg.

“It’s my $300,000.00 to waste!” he says.

“Yeah. But it bothered me. So I wrote about it.” says Lacey.

“There’s a lot of good art you could have spent $300,000 on.” says a perfumer. “They’re right. And…what pleasure will you even get out of it?”

“Because it’s all so of the moment?” says Barbara Walters.

“Yes! …I just cringed at the thought of you wasting all that money.” says Lacey.

“I can’t stand your hatred for gay people!” he says to Lacey. “And you’re schizophrenic!”

“No. She’s not schizophrenic. …And she doesn’t hate gay people. That’s obnoxious!” says a living gay man.

“Oh really? You’re not offended!?” he asks like he’s this gay man’s best friend and they’re in some cool-kid-club team together.

“No!” he says. “Some gay men are. But it’s illogical bullshit.”

“What if I’m a Bobby Kennedy Junior fan!!?” he says, squirming in fear.

“Then congrats!” says Bobby Kennedy Junior.

“How is it not schizophrenia!??” he asks.

“The Illuminati is pretty obvious. The symbols are everywhere. And Stanley Kubrick discusses it often.

…Why did I find them? Because of who I am.” says Lacey Banks Billings.

“Damn! You act like you’re some billionaire!” he says.

“We have trillions.” says a Nesheim.

“In oil.” says the man.

“Yes. It’s climate controlled. Don’t worry.” jokes Johnny Nesheim.

He gets his panties in a twist. Scowls. Fumes. Pouts.

“No! I’m not that mad.” he says. But he is.

“Why did you go out of your way to unfollow her?” asks a Russian perfume collector.

“MORALITY!” he says.

“That makes no sense.” she responds.

“You’d hate her more if she was my wife. But you’d be too scared of me to bother considering her for more than five minutes in your whole life.” says Michael Rockefeller.

“Why? Why do I hate her so damn much!?” he asks.

“She terrifies you.” says the CIA. “People like her are either scary or loved.”

“You lost your shit over her. You’re obviously the one with the problem.” says Casi. “I did too. The whole perfume still is obsessed with her.”

“She only has 400 followers!” he says, trying to scorn Lacey.

“Closer to 500. But…yeah. Mmhmm. And she had over 6,000 years ago. And she never bought one follower.” says Lem.

“She’s known. In a way you longed to be.” says a Russian.

“I just wanted her to feel inferior to me. It’s my goal to make lots of perfume collectors feel inferior.” he says accidentally to the Illuminati.

“We can tell.” says another perfume collector who reads this blog.

“I’ll fuck you all over.” he yells at the Illuminati.

“What are you going to do that I didn’t do?” asks Stanley Kubrick.

“I’ll shoot celebrities.” he says.

“They might not mind. Considering Global Warming and how depressing life is nowadays.” says MSNBC.

“Why did you unfollow her?” asks one of her followers.

“To make a point!” he says.

“What was your point?” asks Dmitry.

“That I’m superior and offended!” he says.

“How are you actually superior?” asks a Jew.

“Are you Jewish!?” asks a woman of him.

“Do I look Jewish?!?” he asks.

“Yeah…sort of.” says Joe Kennedy Junior.

“I’m not!” he says.

“What was your point?” asks Dmitry.

“She’s poor!!” he yells. “And I’m a GENIUS millionaire!!! I’m part of the 1% club. And I’m bored by her!! She’s SO BORING!!!”

“Then why did you go out of your way to unfollow her?” asks a reader. “You follow hundreds of completely stupid, boring accounts.”

“Because I’m superior!!” he says.

“How!?” asks The Pseudo Intellectual Father.

“I have a higher net worth!?” he says.

“You’re not smarter. Or better looking. Or anything. And actually your net worth is meaningless in comparison to her.” says Lem.

He cries.

Overture (Suite) No. 3 In D Major by Bach plays.

“Why was she so offensive?” asks a reader.

“Because! I’m superior and I don’t like being criticized. And it hurt. What she wrote about me hurt!” he says.

“How did you know it was you?” asks Dmitry.

“Because I just did!” he says.

“I think…I understand. But…I also think you embarrassed yourself by taking it so harshly. It was a criticism. And…I’m sorry if I made at all too personal.” says Lacey.

“What did I do to you?” he asks, livid.

“You’re obnoxious. People like you are obnoxious. …But…it’s not necessarily personal. And if you had any sense you’d not have reacted at all.” says a writer for the NYT.

He thinks. “You’re supposed to be NICE!!” he says to Lacey.

“All the fucking time?” asks a reader.

“To me?” he says.

“Are you a big deal?” asks Ireland.

“No. But that’s not the point.” he says.

“That was your point a while ago.” says Lem.

“Not really.” he says.

“Oh! Now you’re standing-up for the little guy?” asks the Wall Street Journal.

“Fuck you! Fuck you all!” he yells.

“You have serious George Costanza vibes?” asks Billie Eilish.

“I have yet to see proof of the Illuminati’s existence! And I’m a man of science and reason.” he says.

“And you support Bobby Kennedy Junior?” asks the NYT.

“FUCK YOU!” he yells.

“So…you read this blog? How many other blogs do you read?” asks the Wall Street Journal.

“HUNDREDS!” he says.