(Adult content below)
What is sexy fuck? Sexy fuck is an especially sexy form of sex! It’s not necessarily good sex through. No. *laugh* It’s sexy. And sometimes that can mean something is good and sometimes it can mean something is merely advertised as good when it actually isn’t.
Lem was heterosexual. Yes. He fooled you. But he was first confused himself.
See…he was physically abused sexually by a priest and that priest left him with the impression that he was gay. And so…when Lem acted gay it was because he felt he was gay. He was trying to “be himself” to some degree. And he hated it, but he was a perseverant, determined man with a good attitude. And he felt he should act gay. As gay as he could manage. So…he was gay…in any way he felt he could stomach. Well…no. He wasn’t gay. But he acted as gay as he could. It was skin deep, so to speak. It was his façade. But he was excellent at impersonating people and he impersonated gay men well.
Did he pick gay attributes he aesthetically liked? Maybe. And actually…he looked sexier to women at times instead of men. But they also read his superficial homosexuality and tried to respect his sexuality as he chose to present it.
Why didn’t Lacey? Well…she did. But…she also suspected it was a lie.
Things are about to be very dark. Only read further if you’re in the mood to hear the truth.
Succession (Main Theme) (Extended Intro Version) plays.
If Lacey had been born. In 1918…this is what easily would have happened.
The song ends.
String Quartet No. 2 “Company” by Philip Glass plays.
Jack lays in bed. Half naked. He looks satiated and yet disturbed. Lem moves away from his crotch. Lem gags and covers his mouth with his hand, moves toward a wall away from the bed. Stares at the floor.
Of course Jack just got oral sex from “Lemmers” and so Lem Billings is trying to get away. He’s done his job, essentially and he doesn’t feel as anxious anymore. Jack should be okay for hopefully the rest of the day and he might even be nice to Lem.
Jack…knows in his subconscious that Lem wasn’t into it. He knows that he was just acting as a sort of sex slave who smiles on cue but hides deep horror and disgust. And having just ejaculated he feels vulnerable and could easily feel hurt. But he doesn’t want to admit it. …Lem can be spotty in his sexual performance. At times he manages to be calm enough to make him orgasm but on day like today Lem seems…anxious and nervous and edgy and he doesn’t relax as much when he puts his mouth on Jack’s cock. So…Jack doesn’t get off. See…Jack has Narcissistic Personality Disorder. So…Jack doesn’t care that Lem’s not actually interested and that that’s why he can’t get off. And…it’s 1949…so sex isn’t as discussed anyway. So…drawing the cause and effect between bad sex and lack of interest is…a theory still. Jack knows of the theory but…also…he doesn’t care.
Lem…runs to the bathroom and vomits. Jack doesn’t see or care. Then he lights-up a cigarette and tries to act cool. He doesn’t want to seem square and uncool. And then he saunters back to Jack, smoking and acting chill.
They’re on a yacht.
See…Lem possibly almost never did anything sexual with Jack but give him oral sex. And…only on rare occasions did Jack through violence manage to make Lem do almost anything else. …Lem believed that he was game…though. Lem didn’t see himself as a victim and he never realized the cognitive dissonance. …He’d maintain that if Jack had really wanted and been more honest about his homosexual orientation…instead of lying about it…that’d he’d of been “down.” He argued that Jack was “the problem.” He believed he could “handle it.” Even though…he didn’t want it and often tried to talk Jack out of it when he’d suggest it or raise a big fuss and act scared, irritated and disgusted when Jack would try to have anal sex or even make-out. He even hated when Jack would try to hold Jack hand.
But…Jack was a dysfunctional narcissist. So…even while he wound occasionally brutally rape Lem…as much as he could…he’d never have the self-respect or courage or self-love to have a real conversation with Lem. So Lem would maintain that he was gay…and act gay… And Jack earnestly wanted to believe that not only because of how he actually felt about Lem…but also because he wanted to be superior…and Jack felt being heterosexual was infinitely superior. So he went along with Lem’s façade and never questioned it…out of ego but also because he was too weak and chicken to really figure out what was going on.
“Lem…you say you’re frustrated by my lack of interest in…accepting that I supposedly want homosexual sex…as much if not more so than straight sex…but then why do you stay? And why don’t you ever want anal sex when I try to make it happen?” is what Jack should have asked Lem. But he was too scared and too evil and too dysfunctional.
“I’m just never in the mood!” Lem might have said. “Not when you suggest it.”
“Are you ever in the mood!?” is what Jack should have asked next.
“Let’s just let it go!” is possibly what Lem might have said.
“No! I’m mad. I’m hurt! You need to explain yourself.” is what Jack should have said. “Lem…I lie…but in reality I’m always sexually frustrated by you on a certain level.”
Lem might have laughed and looked sad. Grim even.
“Lem…maybe you’re just not into it.” is what Jack should have said.
“Jack if I’m not…then what good am I to anyone? I’m a damn faggot Jack!” Lem might have said.
“Lem…what if it’s not that simple? Why don’t you try fucking a woman? Not after or before I do. Not to be with me. Not this time. But just to…you know…kind of see?” is what Jack should have said.
“No! Jack! I’m a damn faggot!” is what Lem would have said before running away in tears considering suicide.
But Jack was too evil and possessive and narcissistic…and…he got shot. He controlled Lem sexually. Dominating his every move practically. Deciding far too much for him. He was obsessively controlling. In photos. In clothes. He was…vile. …And he always demanded to be center stage and yet not have the gross stigma that came with that perception. He wanted to seem like a god, Jack did. So…he encouraged Lem to sleep with women…but only after or before he did. Like the prostitute in New York City. …Jack was obsessively controlling of Lem.
Ghosts of Things to Come by Clint Mansell & Kronos Quartet plays.
Would Lem have committed suicide? Maybe. But also…maybe not. Regardless…Jack might not have been shot. He might have not been shot.
But…Jack Kennedy didn’t know how to love. Himself or anyone else. Not really almost at all, necessarily.
So…Lem…who fervently scientifically believed he was gay…was…”loved” by Jack who chose to keep Lem in the dark about his own, Lem’s own, heterosexuality.
Adagio in C Minor by Nicholas Britell plays.
So…if Lacey was born in 1918…she’d have emerged from her own private room and tried to keep her balance while she saw Lem smoking alone in the fog on deck.
Let’s say it’s morning. May of 1949. And Joe Senior decided to buy a huge yacht to impress people and Joe Junior used it to court women. So…Lacey was on board. 31. And…sad.
“You’re Lem, right?” Lacey would have asked him, inquisitively.
He would have smiled at her. “Yeah. Well…my name is Kirk…but I’m called Lem. It’s short for Lemoyne.”
“That’s fascinating!” says Lacey.
Within hours they’re in bed together. Really. There’s no need to discuss their private life in that way every time. So suffice to say…they’re in bed together within hours. Alone.
And Jack…doesn’t know or notice.
Their sex is hot. Flamingly hot. As in, Lacey and Lem’s sex is hot.
Why…do people not get it? If Lem was straight…there really is an explanation for everything they’d ever wonder about. I’m sorry. It’s depressing! It’s very depressing. But…if Lem was straight…he was good at impersonating people…he was…like the 40 Year Old Virgin character…and he…was really just an asthmatic, bespectacled, sweet, mildly athletic, brave, tough…manly…tragic…good-natured man. He was dorky…but he was also preppy and edgy. He’s a lot like Harold Loeb and Louis. Even maybe a bit like Michael. They’re all artists. They’re all a lot alike. Actually…Joe Kennedy Senior is slightly like them.
Lem was a stabilizing force for Jack and yet he also wasn’t. …Jack had serious issues. Lem gave him a sort of…bizarrely unconditional love…that was possibly far too parental to be normal. But…Lem never quite understood it and was innocent…and Jack could have but was too perverse and narcissistic and troubled to choose to understand.
Jack preferred to be ignorant but wanted to be happy so…he had to let himself go genuinely evil and insane. And almost nobody ever stopped him other than God. And instead everyone simply enabled him and made it look pretty.
And so…on November 22nd, 1963 Jack Kennedy was shot. And on November 22nd, 1983…Karrie was born. Dead? Almost dead? It’s fascinating. But they’re two very different people. Karrie is not Jack and neither is Lacey. Jack is still dead…even if there’s reincarnation.
String Quartet No. 4 “Buczak” by Philip Glass plays.
When would Jack have realized Lacey and Lem were sleeping together?
“Jack…I’m scared I’m going to get pregnant.” Lem might have said to him, lying.
“HOW!?” Jack might have wondered, sincerely.
“Well…what if…there’s something in my homosexuality that makes it possible?” says Lem.
“Oh! I doubt that!” Jack says.
“No. It’s possible. And I’m…not about to go into a doctor and explain. Everyone will know! Jack…we can’t have that anymore.
I’ll still be your best bud! But let’s be smart. …From now on…let’s just nod at each other.” says Lem.
Jack thinks. “Then you’ll lose your place here. …I have brothers, Lem.”
“True! Maybe…we can try to be friends though.” says Lem.
“Well…we’ll see. I don’t like to think you are right…but…you know what it means to be gay in way that I don’t…being an actual gay man and all.” says JFK.
“Fine!
When do you want your bath tonight? I’ll run the water as usual.” says Lem.
“No. That’s okay. I’ll have Marta run my water tonight.” says Jack on board his dad’s huge yacht.
“Marta from the city?” asks Lem.
“Yes! The nice girl.” says Jack.
“Wonderful. Don’t…let her get pregnant either.” says Lem.
“Then who’s going to fuck me!?!??” whines Jack.
“Yeah. I couldn’t have gone this far.” says Lem, breaking the fourth wall. “I’d have wanted to kill him.”
“Okay.” says Red.
“If Lacey was there we’d of just left. And it would have been my idea first.” says Lem.
“So Lem…you’re an actor at heart…and you’re not gay at all. …And yet we don’t know that. Other than for this blog? Or do we?” asks an Illuminati psychic.
“No! My family easily might know in a way. …And anyone who’ve they’ve ever told in way…but…who else? …People who are dead. Lots of dead Republicans? …The Rockefellers might know. Anyone who knows what’s going on…and can sense things in their spirit to some accuracy might know…if I’m Lem and I’m being heard and I’m being honest. I’d bet…lots of people know.” says Lem.
“I might know!” says Tsar Putin.
“I might too.” says the leader of North Korea.
“I might genuinely wonder.” says Tucker Carlson.
“Lots of people know though.” says Prince Philip. “My wife might have been one of them. She…was…possibly very sure he was straight. She knew enough to see how it was genuinely possible…if he was…and she potentially instantly knew. …Maybe he’d always confused her. As a person. And it made sense of it all…when she heard he might have been heterosexual and confused by molestation.”
“How the hell do you guys not get it!?” asks a Millennial woman. “I think…they really could have been that confused back then.”
“We don’t like to talk about that. It ruins our popular narrative about ourselves.” says a gay man.
“HOW!?” she asks.
“Because! …We like the idea that we were all in the closet. …Like up until the late 1960’s or so. …Somehow we just…feel…empowered thinking it was that clean and neat and tidy.” says a gay man.
“That’s ludicrous!” says a queer woman.
“Okay. But we like that idea.” says a gay man.
“WHY!?” asks the queer woman.
“Because…it’s so…romantic. Maybe? It’s like…we had this….powerful moment when we came into our own and really took the show. But…thinking it was gradual and varied and extremely complex and messy…isn’t as…pretty.” says a gay man.
“So…you feel…it’s far superior to make it super clean cut? …But…that’s not historically accurate.” says the queer woman.
“I think as men…it’s preferable. Because then it seems like before we just…were total victims or we weren’t even trying.” says a gay man.
“Okay. So it’s an ego thing?” says the queer woman.
“Possibly.” says a gay man. “And I think we’re sad. Because a lot of men were actually gay…and got very hurt. And we’d rather think…they were Lem. A straight man who could act straight on airplanes and not be killed. …Instead of actual closeted men like Red? Or stuff like that. Men who….got killed because they couldn’t turn-off the gay.”
“So…you’re whitewashing your own historical trauma using Lem Billings if he was straight?” asks the queer woman.
“Yeah! And you know…it’s funny. …Lacey isn’t sure if it’s allowed in Heaven…but we’re adamant it is. Or a lot of us are. And so as a human…she’s mad at us. Because if we’re right…then why are we doing this?
Hope Overture by Clint Mansell & Kronos Quartet plays.
We made Jack and Lem our first gay couple in the White House. …But…she thinks we’re possibly just totally conning ourselves. Right? Because…first of all…they were both violently closeted…even if Lem was gay…and it’s sick in her estimation. It’s a perverse thing to celebrate in her honest opinion. …But also…if Lem is really who’s talking to her…and if he’s being real and honest…he was very possibly heterosexual. …So…how do we not sense that? Because she’s always subconsciously wondered about Lem. She trusted us to know. But…she always wondered if he was straight. And so…if he wasn’t…gay…some of us must know that too. At least a few of us. Right?
Umm…so why are we lying? Are we evil or stupid or sick or all of thee above or what? Are we tragic? Do we hate ourselves? What!?!
Why have we canonized…the wrong man possibly?
And…it is a good question. Were we just trying to be happy? Were we just…trying to…put one of us in the White House? And we liked the idea that it was Lem and Jack?
…Because Lem never got married. And…so…if we squinted we could see something that looked hopeful. Like…a real gay relationship? Maybe? Right? And then….Lem had a room in the White House and duties…so it felt so believable. …And then the question for us becomes: If we are to take this blog seriously…were we bamboozled or were we…looking for something less gay? You know?
I’m Jewish. Don’t lie and say that Jewish parents never said or still say things like, ‘I don’t want my kids to have to be stuck with my nose!’ It’s so common! …And if homosexuality is allowed in Heaven…and so as Jews…and their charming noses…then…it’s tragic. Maybe Jews are allowed and homosexuals aren’t. But…if they are…then why do we still have the need to want to de-gay our heroes possibly?
Lem is a popular gay hero. Why!?
It’s very creepy.
Why not…some open, loud, obviously gay…man? Lem wasn’t. Why? Why did we attach our subculture map value and ideal to him at all? A man who might be flamingly straight.” says a gay man.
“But ah…you fucking idiot…he was flamingly flamboyant and gay.” says a woman reading.
“No!! He wasn’t. He wasn’t at all. He was…like the men in Some Like It Hot.” says Red Fay.
“No! It was sincere!!” screams Bobby.
“Go listen to the recording of him!!! He sounds STRAIGHT PRETENDING TO BE GAY!!” yells Red Fay. “His voice is contorted and obnoxious. His mannerisms are…over-the-top.” says Red.
“I don’t want to!! I refuse to!” say the living Kennedys.
“But the recording of him is proof.” says NBC.
“It’s…just going to sound like he was straight when his voice was relaxed. And that even if it sounds mildly believable…it sometimes veers too far into the theatrical and almost comedic.” say the living Kennedys.
“Yeah. It’s almost sincere sounding…but…he actually does sound straight when he’s relaxed. Possibly has a…less attractive voice according to some people. Kind of like Dick Van Dyke’s brother. …And…maybe…is exaggerating his gay mannerisms. To be honest it sounds like he’s straight and faking being gay.” says the CIA in exasperation.
“Yeah. It’s not flamboyant or flaming in an authentic way. Sorry.” says the Jewish gay man from before.
“So that’s lied about.” says the CIA to explain. “It’s not clearly gay.”
“But that’s not what I read online!” says the woman.
“What if you read a lie?” asks Putin.
“Umm…no. I read it in a good place.” says the woman.
“Was it the New York Times?” asks the CIA.
“No. It was a liberal leaning online journal.” says the woman.
“Then you’re obviously putting far too much faith in what it says.” says the CIA.
“That’s not…likely!” says the woman, with stubborn indignation.
“I know. Right?” says Bobby to the woman.
“Okay. We’re done.
Lem was straight. He sounds straight. You know he does.
And…if he made it all convincing it was a mistake. But I doubt he really did at all to those of us who aren’t so gullible.” says Tucker Carlson.
“So you’re saying what he sounds like when he’s being himself matters more than his pretense!?! That’s evil!!!” say a group of liberals…making assholes of themselves.
“Yeah. And that’s not evil. And you all have been making fools of yourselves to Lacey for…a while.” says Tucker Carlson. “She’s…horrified. And no longer a liberal like you…because of it.”
“Yeah. But Lem was telling the truth when he lied.” says Bobby.
Keen to Cross the Pond 