“The Real Kennedy Family II” by Lem Billings

It’s 1948 and we’re at the Kennedy house.

Here’s what you think is happening:

Jack is outside playing touch football with his hot siblings. Kick is a supremely sexy British aristocrat…and Bobby looks like he’s in an Abercrombie & Fitch ad. He’s so hot! …And SO HORNY!

Cry Me a River by Justin Timberlake plays.

Jack is cold as ice…with cerulean blue eyes made of the dew drops of the gods. He’s buff and damn hot…but…also distant and profoundly complicated…so he’s not interested in being faithful to women. No!! He’s…WAY too important and mysterious for that. …But we LOVE him. Why? Well…because his sex is…AWE-INSPIRING. Just five seconds with his cock would make you feel higher than a kite for eternity probably. WOW! Is he human?

And Ted, dumb, fat Ted…is mostly just standing there starring stupidly smiling. Silently. He’s an extra. But that’s cool.

Why? Because they’re a family. And every family has a few free of charge bonus items. Ted, and the Kennedy sisters are freebies. The main attractions are Bobby, Joe and Jack.

Kick is vivacious, bubbly and sexy though. So…she maybe is as cool as the boys. Right? Wasn’t she the favorite of her father along with Joe Jr.? Yes. They were.

See…Jack has health problems. Remember? He’s…so exotic and yet relatable.

Anyway…Rose is busy inside with a huge bosom neatly tucked away in tailored clothes arranging her expensive photos and rare figurines. She’s helping the maids dust! Oh my. What a lady!!

And Joe…why Joe is busy upstairs. Doing what? Well…the mind of an astrophysicist can’t discern the meanderings of a man like Joe Kennedy Senior. He’s not just smart. He’s unspeakably intelligent. He’s far too mysterious to comprehend.

Actually…ALL of the Kennedys are like that.

ALL OF THE KENNEDYS ARE LIKE THAT. THEY ARE ALL PROFOUNDLY mysterious. WOW!!!

You…just…will NEVER understand. You will NEVER understand their MYSTERIOUS BEHAVIOR. They are…BETTER THAN BETTER! Right? WOW!!!

Let Me Blow Ya Mind by Eve plays. A dragon in Heaven blows the hair off of Bobby Kennedy Senior. Saoirse Hill, his dead granddaughter via a likely suicide laughs at him.

“Why!?” asks a narcissist at MSNBC sincerely. They’re hurt for Bobby Kennedy Senior.

“He’s my grandfather.” says Saoirse.

“Yeah. And she overdosed on drugs and antidepressants and alcohol. …At the Kennedy Compound. Just recently. …Why are you willfully ignoring that?” asks Lacey.

“Because…we own her.” admits the liberal evil Illuminati. “And we decided her feelings didn’t matter. Because she was too pretty. Ethel and Caroline were sexually offended by her beauty. It was offensive to them.”

“Oh! So you sacrificed her?” asks Lem.

“Yup! We…let her die. We purposely ignored her sadness. And still do. Because she’s…too nice and pretty.” says CNN. “And it’s just…how the Kennedys run shit.”

“If you’re unattractive you’re golden. And if you’re kind you’re dead. Ever since…Joe Kennedy Junior died. It’s old. But those were Joe’s orders. He was evil.

He…loved his kids. But once Kick and Joe died and they arguably were the most attractive…even though Kick was mediocre….he gave-up on that strategy. He started allowing the most beautiful to be murdered. Not because he didn’t love his kids but…because he was actually kind of an idiot. I guess?

So…he was too stupid to realize that he’d be sad. When his kids were shot after Jack. So we allowed for Bobby to be shot…and he cried. And then died shortly thereafter. He…may not have cried as much over Jack. But he cried over Bobby. And…after he died watching his most attractive and intelligent grandkids die was…devastating. But it was too late.

David was the best looking and the most Aryan looking. And yet David didn’t realize that. And he thought he was like Rose Marie. He was actually…superior…which is why he was able to snag Rachel Ward. She wanted to marry him. But he was in love with his first love Pam Kelly who had been paralyzed by his older brother Joe I. So… And he was also devastated and clinically depressed by the death of his father. So…after Pam Kelly was paralyzed he…fell apart and started using hard drugs.

He should have just married Pam anyway. But that was his problem. He was an asshole. He was a worthless Kennedy ass anyway. Poor lost soul. Let’s hope in Heaven…if he made it there…he developed a conscious conscience and an ability to love beyond the shitty one he inherited from his jackass-genetic parents, Ethel and Bobby Kennedy.

Still…he had some conscience possibly and some meager ability to love. So he decided to kill himself over Pam Kelly instead of just staying alive and growing-up in a way no Kennedy ever did or possibly ever has. …He decided he’d rather be dead than see her paralyzed. So…he eventually committed ‘accidental suicide’ just like Saoirse and Joe Kennedy Junior.

But actually…he was like Joe of the Boomers. He was the ideal. Sweet, odd, funny. Wild. Different but not too different. Rebellious but…not. Sad. Moody. Cool.

He was a gifted man too intellectually. And he easily could have had an unusually hot wife with a rare pedigree and a high IQ. A loving family. He might have even made a good dad. Far better than his brothers.

And he’d have been better at politics than them too. He was smarter and more edgy and more relaxed and relevant and confident. He was said to have a natural confidence.

Faithfully by Journey plays.

We know all of this in certain sectors of the US media. He was our crown prince. But he was…abused too damn much by Ethel and we’d already set the Kennedy family up to be destroyed. Well…not really. We didn’t mean to destroy them. …But…those were the orders. We were told to lie.” says Rupert Murdoch. “I’m supposed to be an American. And…I’ve ‘fangirled’ them too. They’re fascinating people.

But…it’s tragic how they’ve…become.” He thinks. “But it was a slow process to this point in history. A slow…failure.” He thinks. “Not slow by some people’s standards. Fine.”

“Yeah. I died and possibly realized how sad it was that I was dead. Not based on only God’s love for me but also based on God’s love for other people.” says David A. Kennedy.

“I loved my uncle David.” says Saoirse. “I loved him so much…and yet I’d never met him. But I just felt like he’d have understood me. Not in some perverse way. But as an actual uncle.”

“But I was dead.” says David.

“And now I’m dead!” says Saoirse.

“So am I! I was too sweet.” says Maeve.

“Yup. I didn’t die to go meet David. …But it’s been nice to meet my uncle.” says Saoirse.

“And we are the superior ones.” says Maeve. “Which is why we’re dead. First.”

Toxic by Britney Spears plays.

“Yup!” says Michael L. Kennedy. “I’m a sex predator. But…I was nice. And…stupid. So…I’m not technically superior. But…I guess maybe slightly?”

“Hi!” says Joe Kennedy Junior.

“Guys. It’s super simple. Rupert almost nailed it.” says Kick Kennedy. “My father just totally fucked-up everything to be important and powerful.”

“Okay!” says Casi Brooke Hart.