Midnight City by M83 plays.
What was really happening?
What was really happening in the Kennedy house!?!
Ha!
It’s 1948.
Romeo And Juliet by Prokofiev plays.
Well…let’s add Lacey. Because I refuse to be there anymore without her. Even hypothetically.
So…Lacey is there with me.
(Adult content below)
We’re upstairs having sex. I’m making love to her. And we’re trying to not be too loud. Why? Because it’s our first time and we’re going to leave in a few minutes. Forever. And never come back. But nobody else knows that but us.
Downstairs Joe Kennedy Junior is still alive and having an argument with Bobby and Jack. Jack is pissed-off about something. He thinks Joe is…an idiot. And he’s sure Joe is going to lose.
What are they arguing about? Well…Joe wants to go to Boston for the weekend. And visit some group of girls. And Jack insists it’s a stupid idea. Why? Because he feels that the the women will reject him…but…he isn’t saying that. The women are like Lacey. They’re way out of his league. …Joe was smarter, straighter and more attractive. Bobby was too. But Bobby was younger and shorter.
On this day…Bobby and Joe want to hit Boston to find chicks. They’re ready to go. But…Jack is…”too manly.” He’s “too manly” to go. And he expects me to be his best friend and probably suck his cock this evening to make him feel superior and evil and cool again. But I’m not gay at all…and actually…I’m upstairs having hot heterosexual sex, probably getting Lacey Banks pregnant.
Who is Lacey Banks? She’s Tom Banks’s daughter. And she’s supposed to be marrying Joe Kennedy Junior.
But see…two hours earlier…Joe told Lacey he was going to go…shopping in Boston. It was a quick, exhausted excuse. He got a last minute phone call from an old college buddy in Boston who…had “talent” for him to “judge.” And he felt too excited and honored to be thought of to say no. So…he said yes. But having driven Lacey from New York City the night before because her father insisted she fly into New York City…he was tired. And…happy…and stupefied. So…he offered her a dumb reason for going into Boston.
“I’m going shopping.” he said.
“Shopping!?” said Lacey primly.
“Yes!” said Joe, happily.
“Okay. So…let’s just…go shopping together.” said Lacey.
“No. We can’t.” said Joe.
“Why?” asked Lacey.
“Because we can’t. I have…to buy pens.” said Joe.
“Oh! Really?” said Lacey.
“Yeah.” said Joe.
“You’re going to your mistress.” said Lacey, losing patience. “How many do you have?”
“Two.” said Joe, not missing a beat.
Lacey looked at him. “No you don’t. You have dozens.”
“No. I have two.” said Joe.
“No. You have no dozens.” said Lacey.
“Lacey.” said Joe in a panic, “We’re an Irish Catholic family. We don’t have mistresses.”
“You don’t? I know plenty of Irish Catholic aristocrats who had mistresses in the 1800’s.” said Lacey.
“That’s a lie!” said Joe.
Lacey thought. “Okay. Fair enough! …But I feel like I know that somehow.”
“No! An Irishman would never do that to his wife.” said Joe.
Lacey looked down. “My father has a mistress.”
Joe became very uncomfortable. It was incredibly awkward. He just stood there.
“Joe. I know you’re not faithful.” said Lacey.
And he just stood there awkwardly.
“Lacey. I’m in love with you. And…let’s not fight.” he said.
She looked down at her coffee and waited.
“Look…Joe…don’t buy a pen that will leak.” she said seriously.
“I won’t. Lacey. Let’s not fight!” said Joe.
And she sat there and waited. And waited. And waited. And then completely gave up on him for eternity. But he didn’t know that. Not at all.
“Joe. Be smart.” said Lacey, lightly.
“Alright.” said Joe oblivious and cool.
“I’ll just stay here.” said Lacey.
“Fine. Lem is here.” said Joe.
“Yes! I’ve been meaning to talk to him.” said Lacey.
Joe smiled brightly. “You should.” and at that he walked out and marched into the living-room and sat with his brothers.
“Joe! You must be tired.” said Bobby, teasingly and admiringly. He adored Joe.
“Where is Lacey?” asked Rose walking by in a depressed mood.
“Oh, she’s just talking with Lem.” said Joe sweetly.
Jack smiled innocently.
“So Joe…what are we doing this weekend?” asked Bobby, suggestively.
Joe laughed. “She knows.” he said, suddenly solemnly. Suddenly serious.
“She KNOWS!?!?” yell-whispered Jack in absolute shock.
Bobby bounced his leg. He looked nervous. Anxious.
Meanwhile Lacey walked upstairs searching for Lem. And she found me…masturbating. She had a sense I was supposed to be gay. Based on how Joe had always described me.
She just flung open the door and saw me. And…I decided to be cool. And she shut the door and laid down next to me. And so I started making love to her.
“You’re supposed to marry Joe?” I said on top of her.
“Yes. But he’s not in love with me. Not really. I’m devastated.” said Lacey, coolly but with absolute confidence and certainty and honor and gall and courage and boredom at evil.
And I looked at her and said, “I have a hard cock and-“ and I kissed her. And she decided to try to love me. So she kissed me back and we began making love. But first I locked the door.
“Where is Lacey?!?” asked Jack downstairs.
“I just told you, she’s upstairs with Lem.” said Joe Junior.
Jack looked thoughtful for a second. “She’s with Lem?”
“Yeah!” said Joe impatiently.
Bobby looked at Jack, getting irritated himself now.
“Fine! Fine!” said JFK, getting angry. “Look! …Who are these broads?”
Joe laughed. “Jack. They’re just a few girls from some…modeling agency.”
Bobby looked down for it. But awkward and naive.
Jack crossed his legs and crossed his arms. Rolled his eyes. Pouted.
“Fine. I’ll fuck them.
But only on one condition.
We go on to Worcester later. I have a friend in Worcester who has his own…establishment.” said JFK.
“It’s a work in progress!” said JP Kennedy brightly, charging into the scene.
“What is dad?” asked Joe.
“This day!
And my plans to get you your own house.” said JP, cheerfully.
Jack looked sad.
“You’ll have one fantastic house in Boston. Right near Harvard.” said Joe.
Bobby furrowed his brow. “Dad…we can’t have that! Lacey and Joe will watch us.”
“Yes! And that’s exactly right!” said Joe Jr..
Then things became awkward when they all realized the lie in the room they had just chosen to ignore to try to be happy Christians. Because it was happy and exciting to think of Joe and Lacey having their own house.
“Well! You all have fun tonight.” said JP.
“We’re going into the Boston tonight for the weekend and then we’ll be going on to Worcester.” said Bobby.
Joe Kennedy Senior looked serious and concerned.
“Let’s be good!” he said with concern.
Jack starred at him in shock.
“Look. It’s not a weekend to go…too far.” said JP Kennedy.
Joe Kennedy Junior looked embarrassed.
“Dad. We’re just being boys.” said Bobby.
Jack laughed.
“Yeah but it’s a bad weekend!” said Joe Kennedy Senior.
“Why so grim!??” said JP Jr..
“You’re not my son!” said JP, fighting tears. He threw a plate on the ground, it broke, and then he collapsed into tears.
“Dad?!?” said Bobby, worried.
“YOU’RE-“ yelled Joe Senior…and then stood up and ran off in tears.
“Dad’s an idiot.” said JFK, arrogantly.
“I’m going to Worcester.” said Bobby.
“Yeah? Why? We have to go show-up in Boston first.” said Joe Jr..
“Are you fighting with dad?” asked Bobby.
“No! He’s talking about something deep.
And I have no idea what it is.
But I’ll figure it out.” says JP Kennedy Jr.. “He’s in the same mood Lacey is in. It’s weird.”
“Was she angry earlier?” asks JFK, in irritation.
Hit ‘Em Up by 2Pac plays.
“Yeah. You’ll have one yourself soon.” says Joe Jr..
Bobby laughs.
“Jack. You and Lem are so close.
…Why doesn’t he get…hurt when you leave him alone?” asks Bobby, thoughtfully.
Jack thinks. Shrugs. Smiles. He’s not at all worried.
Rose walks by casually. Not a concern in the world now either.
“What’s going on?” she asks.
“Dad’s mad.” said Joe Jr..
Chris Hayes laughs. It’s a joke?
Hypnotize by Notorious B. I. G. plays.
The song plays for us.
“You broke the fourth wall. And now the only person who makes any sense Chris is me.” says Donald Trump Senior in March 2024. “I’m…for or better or worse the only one who actually makes any sense. Argue otherwise once for real.”
“I hear you and I’m desperate.” says Joe Kennedy Junior to Don Trump Senior. “And Vanessa is pretty.” he explains.
And we’re back to 1948.
“I knew this day would come.” says Bobby. “It’s time to bring the party here.”
“I’m not comfortable doing that here! This is our house!” said JFK.
“Yeah! And I’m indebted to my pals in Boston.” says Joe Jr..
“Okay!!?” said JFK, agreeing with Joe.
And at that JP considered shooting himself in the head.
Why? He’s not stupid.
Warning by The Notorious B. I. G. plays all the way through.
JP heard. He heard Lacey and Lem. And he assumed it was nothing. Because he was…brilliant…and sometimes he used to have thoughts that scared him. And he learned to ignore them. Intrusive thoughts that interrupted him when he was especially stressed. So he…thought it was…just in his head. But it wasn’t. …And it made him sad. And he couldn’t figure out why. …He couldn’t figure out why after he got wind of the plans for the weekend from his sons.
And it came out of him. “You’re not my son.”
How could he explain that to himself or Joe? His beloved son. His heir. His favorite son.
“I’m VILE!” he yelled to himself. Locked in his own office.
“Is that your father yelling?” asked Rose, high on something.
“Yes. It’s probably dad. He’s in a mood!” said Joe Jr..
“I’ll go talk to him!” volunteered JFK.
“Why!??” asked Bobby in a sudden panic.
And then Rose looked concerned.
And at that moment Lacey and Lem snuck out. Carrying her things and his. And nobody heard. And nobody saw.
Jack flung open the door to his father’s office. “Dad!?”
And at that Rose shoved her kids out off the way and began shaking Joe.
“Joe! Come on. Talk to me!” she said.
He cried. Shook his head.
The song ends.
My Tears Are Becoming A Sea by M83 plays.
“JOE!!” she screamed.
He took some drug. With a syringe.
“What’s in here!?” asked Jack Kennedy casually, unaware.
“It’s heroin. It’s a 1920’s…fixation.” explained Rose, slapping Joe.
“Why are you…doing this!?” asks Joe Junior, almost hurt.
“Because! He’s…sad.” said Rose. “Dad!” said Kick, as a ghost. She walked past everyone. Sat on his desk. Crossed her arms. “Are we cursed? I just died in a plane crash.”
“Right! Oh golly. Don’t tell me there are actually alternate universes?” says a reader.
“We don’t know.” says Bill Gates.
And at that Joe falls to the ground.
“Dad!!” screams Joe Junior.
And so Joe Senior tries to stand-up.
And JFK starts crying and getting upset.
“I just called the doctor.” says Bobby.
“Dad will be fine. We just need to keep him awake.” says Rose.
And so they all rallied around JP and he was fine. And then a day later they heard of Kick.
They were fine. Joe Senior couldn’t articulate why he was so sad…but everyone ascribed it to Kick’s death. And nobody in the family doubted the existence of God. …Lacey and I had nothing more to do with them. And they barely noticed. But with Joe Jr. alive and Kick dead…Jack was heartbroken. Not demolished nor destroyed but heartbroken. And he forgot about me easily, believe it or not. Thank God! Instead he went on “a grief tour.” *I laugh at him because he’s a shallow dumbass and I can’t help but laugh at him now, I’m sorry* …He visited lots of people…grieving Kick. And given his ironic adoration for the British given his lack of Cornish, Welsh, English or Scottish heritage…he voraciously soaked up every morsel of affection from Kick’s aristocratic English friends. It’s embarrassing to him and his family. And Pat Wilson started on again with Joe again, of course.
So…sadly that’s not what happened. But…Lacey wasn’t alive. …Still, regardless, that’s far closer to how they actually are as people, objectively, than the first impression.
Smalltown Boy by Bronski Beats plays.
They’re sort of idiots. But Joe Kennedy Senior was…a handsome genius. And so every once and a while his genes emerge and wow us. And Rose was…tough. So every once and a while her determination emerges and we find out how tough they were and still sort of can be. …I had no business being there. But Jack was a sexual predator and he raped and molested me. They’re evil too. And it’s sad. It’s really sad.
Keen to Cross the Pond 