“Are we insane?” asks Mr. Cologne 76.
“Yeah…we wonder if you guys have something wrong with you but you guys. But you are not like clinically insane people as individuals…but we can’t quite figure you guys out and it seems like there’s something really weird about your group psychology.” says the CIA.
“Did she make a mistake and mislabel perfume that day?” asks Dmitry.
“Yes that was a day that she accidentally mislabeled her perfume in a post. …And then you messaged her to correct her and she thanked you…and she fixed it…and that was one of the only times she ever made any mistakes at all…ever.” says Lem Billings.
So let’s start off this day! Let’s pick another day from Mr. Cologne 76. What year? Pick a year! This is before you were ever in the perfume community and she already had over 2000 followers. It was very well received. No, she was writing a post every day…about perfume and people are still affected by her aesthetic, as were you…and possibly to some degree you never gave her credit. And other people copied her all of the time in a plethora of ways too, but let-let’s just-let’s just-let’s just do it! Pick a day! Pick a year! You’re so tough, you’re so brazenly kind and wonderful? So pick a day.
Later.
“Fine! 19…96.” says Mr. Cologne 76.
That’s not…really the point we’re making. But…okay. Sure.
“It’s supposed to be about our perception of her while she was in the perfume community.” says Casi.
“Yeah. But that’s okay.
He’s trying to insult my background. That’s okay.
We’ll joust!” says Lacey. “No big deal!”
“You’re not worried?” says Casi.
“No!” says Lem.
“Yeah. But I wanna see!” says Mr. Cologne 76.
“Okay.” says Lacey.
The Line by Mood Rings plays.
“What month?” asks Lacey.
“May!” says Mr. Cologne 76.
“Shoot.” says Lacey. “That’s gonna look bad.
Oh well!”
Lacey rolls her eyes.
Mr. Cologne 76 laughs to himself.
She wakes-up at…11 am. In her bed. In her room. It’s cool and shady and lovely. It’s pre-global warming crisis in May in Bloomington Minnesota.
She debates about how to spend her day.
She should play her viola. Practice her viola. But she doesn’t really want to.
Her parents who raised her are busy. Her mom is chatting away on the phone to someone sitting on the antique cream can in between the kitchen and the dining-room. It’s a landline phone. Her father is cleaning the wood furniture in the living-room with (lemon) Pledge. And vacuuming.
Lacey feels like shit. She’s clinically depressed. Why does she feel like shit? Because she’s unloved. But being raised so well and being herself she assumes it’s because she’s failing miserably at life. How? By not practicing her viola enough and not getting straight A’s. She’s in absolute despair over it. She feels that she’s failing God.
So she goes into the kitchen and sits in front of the television at 11 and eats a bowl Old Home yogurt with frozen blueberries. It’s not expensive…but it’s also not cheap.
Later in the day she “spends some money” when her parents take her out to go get a coffee. At Caribou. They drive around Lake Harriet and stop at a bookstore. Then an antique store. Lacey buys a teacup and saucer for…$17.00. In 1998. Maybe $14.00. And then her parents chat while she morbidly sits in the backseat as she considers how much homework she has that night and how vile she’s likely to do on it. She’s gifted but…is incredibly hard on herself. She didn’t practice her viola. Her orchestra leader will be upset. …But…Lacey promises herself that she’ll keep trying.
“When does she have fun?” asks the CIA.
“Oh! I had great fun antiquing and sipping my latte.” says Lacey. “It would have been a regular cafe latte.”
“Great fun for your life.” says Cameron Diaz.
“YES! True. In this life…I’ve been living…it’s great fun. At age 14.” says Lacey.
“But you had crushes on lots of boys!” says Mr. Cologne 76.
“Yes. Other boys my age? Yes! …But oh well? I mean…you can’t call them. They’ll just laugh at you. They’re all heartless assholes.“ says Lacey.
“Yeah! Absolutely. We were.” says a guy who she grew-up with in the afterlife.
“So you were worried about the trajectory of your life?” asks Mrs. Cologne 76.
“Yes! I was. …I wasn’t getting straight A’s. And in order to be loved ever…by any man…I had to get into an Ivy League school. Because given Purity Culture…I couldn’t be a slut. And men in my generation are mindless, heartless, worthless, obtuse pieces of shit when it comes to me. Because my parents who raised me were…evil. And…most people in my generation have been lemmings in that regard.
So…what did I have? I couldn’t be a slut. Guys liked sluts. Guys in my generation liked sluts. …Or they liked…perfect women. …Women who ‘inspired them to be a better man.’ They’re not worthless to God…but…they’re castrated fools in many regards.
You give them a knife and they don’t use to to fight evil or provide. They use to kill a child to be cool. They’re slobs? No. They’re worthless by choice.
There’s a reason why Mark Zuckerberg…gains my sympathy. He’s still a man. What the hell happened to everyone else? …Zelenskyy struggles. So don’t assume it’s a ‘Jewish conspiracy.’
Anyway…I had to…excel.” says Lacey.
“So…your parents…spent $800 on rent every month. $200 on groceries every week. $1,400.00 on a viola. $200 a month on viola lessons. And etc. And you bought $15 teacups and $3 lattes?” says Mr. Cologne 76.
“Yes!” says Lacey.
“So in a typical day as a child you had $1,500 spent on you as a 14 year old? On a Saturday.” says Mr. Cologne 76.
“I could’ve sworn she was upper class. Oh my God.” says a reader.
“$1500 in 1998 is the equivalent $2,800 today!” yells Mr. Cologne 76.
“Is that upper class though? I feel like that’s that’s not upper class!” says a reader from 2024.
“Ahh…how old are you?” asks Mr. Cologne 78.
“OK but you got to figure out everything else too!” she says, stubbornly.
“Sweetie I think you might be an idiot and you take yourself a little too seriously intellectually and you don’t really make any sense. No, they spent that on her! If you want me to calculate all of the expenses and everything else that they had going on I can do that, but that’s a different equation.” says Mr. Cologne 76.
“OK I guess $2800 on a 14 year old and on one Saturday qualifies as a middle class?” says the reader from 2024.
“How the? What the fuck do you imagine the upper class spends on their kids everyday?” asks the Illuminati.
“Like $10,000 a day!?” she says, brightly.
“Oh no, you’re including their house but she didn’t sweetie. I have to include the oil in their family and everything else if you want to do that.” says Mr. Cologne 76.
“Well then, what would it be?” asks the reader from 2024.
“I don’t even know! Lem what would it be?” asks Mr. Cologne 76.
“Oh it would probably be about $40,000. They probably spent about $40,000 on her that day at the time but you have to understand the $10,000 you’re calculating are by people who give a fuck about their children.
Her parents were evil…so they spent the extra $30,000 on being mean to her. They-they-they spent the extra $30,000 on creating a life that was sadistic and cruel to harm her.
I don’t think you understand that there are evil people…cause you’re kind of a fucking idiot…and maybe you should work on that.” says Lem to the reader from 2024. “That’s a 20-something, vintage loving, four-eyed bitch.”
“You actually is very insensitive that you are so obstinant in your perception of things. Why the hell do you think she’s not upper-class and old money at this point? Why are you addicted to that perception of yourself and her?” asks a dead psychologist.
“ because I perceive myself as being her equal, if not superior and I am not at all but it made me feel loved when I felt that way and guys like me when I act like that and so do women and so I just assumed that that’s probably what I was because people are nicer to me when I act like that and I’m very convincing and so I just thought that somehow that was my identity not hers and then I realize that she was more authentic than me and threaten my ego because I’m kind of narcissistic, even though I’m very covert about it and so am I’ve just been very narcissistically perversely upside ever since I act like she’s very evil, I think most of us do but we don’t really have a good reason we’re just profoundly narcissistically at heart and I actually am starting to think it’s a little psychotic because that’s a hell of a lot of money. I know I read her posts and I refuse to accept their reality which is kind of weird. Do you have any idea why I do that because I’m not the only person that does that and that’s not something that anyone talks about it it’s it’s not just it’s not just her. It’s like a lot of things that I read I read things and I just don’t I don’t care. I don’t care if it’s rational I don’t care if it’s factual I choose to ignore it. I willfully choose to harm myself and other people, and be ignorant by choice, why am I doing that? Because it’s not just this.” she says.
“ are you may be proof that America is fucked up and barely functions that’s a very interesting question you’re asking though.” says China.
“ oh I do that too I I mean I I love to do that that’s one of my favorite things to do is to ignore reality Henry ignore facts of this is something that’s been bothering me about this equation for like a while now I’ve noticed it we do that now people literally it’s not post truth people ignore ignore like stop signs they ignore roadblocks and Lacey is more old-school. She’s more than horrible and so she’s just like what the hell we have trillions of dollars worth of oil and silver smiths in our family. How does that not qualify and people like us or just like who fucking cares and she’s like who fucking cares and we’re like yeah who fucking cares and she’s like oh that’s like America we’re doing a country race and I think we’re kind of like oh if he or is he on it or if he on it, Lacey, I think people are far more iffy on democracy in America than you think. I don’t think we’re really thinking the way we used to anymore I don’t I don’t I just don’t I don’t think we’re rational in that way.” says Chris Hayes.
“ then how do you expect America to run? How do you expect to be able to buy anything people have to work people have to follow the rules things have to actually function or we’re going to go into total chaos as a species and cease to exist in a very horrific way what what do you people have in mind?” asks the Illuminati.
Chris stares.
“ I don’t have kids I don’t have any kids is it proper to you at all? I don’t have children sometimes I do drugs on the weekends I smoke pot. I’ve done other stuff too. I don’t look like it I’m very into vintage, but I don’t care I just I don’t care I don’t go out of my way to harm people usually, like I would never really go to my way to like hard people usually but I don’t really care about anything else. It’s like sometimes like the food that I eat yeah I don’t even care I don’t. I don’t even care so it’s like I just I’m an immature and I have shallow relationships and yet they’re not tireless shallow but they’re kind of shallow and I just choose not to care, I just tell myself I’m better than everyone and all my friends do the same thing.” says the reader in her 20’s.
“ so you were in your formative years we fucked with your brain by attacking Lacey and now you’re the end result of the Fuckery that we’ve done for the last eight years. Chris this generation is a fucking clue what’s going on because of what you did because of Diego blue and part of that is what happened with a yeah you’re not normal sweetie you’re fucked up you should be so shocked that’s how fucked up you are. Yeah it’s unusual but she’s doing but you don’t understand that and that’s part of how she’s getting away with it if it’s real.
She’s not a stupid person. She’s actually one of the smartest people the illuminati has ever dealt with almost ever. She really could be Scotia if there’s reincarnation in the Bible.
I see what you’re not fucked up is that you got help sir? The whole thing is and that she’s really just trying to argue for like something better in a way but yeah that’s why your generation has some common sense but anyway, what is better though that’s the problem, oh Chris seriously this is problematic him and then and then yeah and then there’s boomers in the room that are totally out to lunch. Bless their hearts and Bobby is clearly one of them he has no fucking clue what’s going on anymore bless his heart I think he’s living in a combination of today yesterday and the hits of the 70s. I don’t think he’s in touch with reality.
A classic rock though, so that’s cool
Am Chris why did you assume that this made sense? Why didn’t you rain Diego in?
Are we getting back to the Perfume community? What do you guys think so far?” says the CIA.
“ I am well what did I think? No I mean it seems like an upper class old money lifestyle I at the pet her parents lived in. It wasn’t probably a shit hole but they lived in a place. It wasn’t as nice if they could’ve lived in wow why the hell do I want to make her so much more than she is that’s weird as fuck but no she’s not even poor, you know let’s let’s just back up a second. You guys have been trying to explain this to us for a while and I actually am starting to realize how weird the whole thing is. Why don’t I get it it’s like I’m in a weird state of a book like total disbelief like that woman and it really isn’t normal. It isn’t cognitively it it is not cognitively sound. It’s some bizarre perverse state of existence intellectually that her and I are both living in an away but how did I get there? I think Casi has something to do with it right another blog post I just want to see where this goes I want to see if any of my suspicions are right or if I’m just insane.” says Mr. Cologne 76.
Keen to Cross the Pond 