“Cologne 76” by Lem Billings

Go go at it!

“You had shag floors?” asks Mr. Cologne 76.

“Yes, there was linoleum in the kitchen and there was sort of a golden shag that was about 20 years old. Oh and then it was green shag, a bright green shag in my parent’s bedroom. It was hideous, but that was that was what our landlord decided to keep in our apartment.“ says Lacey.

“Did your parents put down rugs?“ says Mr. Cologne 76.

“Yes, there was a rug in their room…I think but there was definitely a large sort of oh well I mean it was it was purchased at like Montgomery Ward, but it was like a big- What are they called? Those- They sell them in Iran but it was sort of like an imitation of it an expensive a rug.

Damn…my brain isn’t letting me think of it and that’s irritating…but it was a nice imitation of an expensive rug in the living-room.” says Lacey.

“And how much did they pay for that rug!?” asks Mr. Cologne 76.

“Yeah they might’ve purchased at JC Penny’s or Sears actually but I bet they bought it for oh maybe two or $300 in 1996.” says Lacey.

“And what kind of car did they drive?” asks Mr. Cologne 76.

“1992 or 91 Toyota Corolla, white.” says Lacey.

“Until when?” he asks.

“Until I was in probably- I think it was in the eighth grade they got a different car? They-they owned the Toyota by the time that we traded it in for the Nissan Ultima. It was like a 1996 Nissan Ultima that they purchased in 1998.” says Lacey.

“And they leased it.” says Mr. Cologne 76.

“Yeah they did. They owned the car before that they owned the Corolla and then they leased the other car.” says Lacey.

“You know I’m-I’m doing this all backwards I’m looking for middle-class cues based on money and that isn’t how this would even work. Why did they lease the cards of buying it though?” says Mr. Cologne 76.

“ well, the Corolla this doesn’t make sense to me anymore but at the time I didn’t know that much about cars the Corolla was getting old but it wasn’t even that old but it was getting old and so my father thought that we should sell it and so he traded it in to lease the other car but why did he lease it? I don’t think he wanted to spend that much money on a car. He didn’t want to break into our 401(k) they had a 401(k) he didn’t want to break into the 401(k) not our but there for you, I am thinking of the words he used in his head, I heard him say don’t say to my mother I don’t want to break into our 401(k) to buy a car so they had a retirement account but they didn’t want to break into it so he chose to just probably lower the lease by taking. I don’t even know couple like 5 to 10,000 off I don’t even know how much it was I just I don’t know like 5000 off of it or something and then just leasing the rest, why didn’t they have the money just outright well they had a 401(k) and I actually think they might’ve even had some savings but they chose to donate about $200,000 to our church over a period of 15 years and they didn’t buy a house because they felt that was dangerous financially not for the same reasons that my husband had that idea of a legal husband a financial advisor actually told him that but my parents had that idea for other reasons and so no they never they didn’t think it made sense to own a house but they thought they should donate 20,000 or 20,020% of their gross income from every paycheck to the church remember and then they also decided I’m not making that up. That’s a fact and then they also decided to go into professions that were really shitty because they were spoiled brats.” says Lacey.

“ yeah so they spent $400 today on groceries $500 on a rug 2800 a day on you and your 14 in today’s money and they had to have a nice card to some extent but they didn’t see the necessity of buying a house why?” says Mr. Cologne 76.

“ oh, why because they thought that it was dangerous financially.” says Lacey.

“ what the hell did they mean by that?“ says Mr. Cologne 76.

“ oh, what did that mean? Ha wow well I was raised by an actual homosexual probably two of them and they were both closeted. I mean they were queer really but no I don’t entirely feel comfortable describing it because they’re both the life they scare me shit less than someways, I don’t want to offend them or their family.

Oh, but I’ll be brave and keep telling you the truth and I sure as hell. Hope it’s worth it, right?

Oh, so yeah how mad could they get right?

Cell phone, so are they they thought boy, my dad, my father would sit on the dining room table in our kitchen who’s Ethan Allen table by the way it was very nice. They probably still have it and chairs and he would ““ do the finances.

Oh yeah, see you sit there and say, ‘I’m going to go do the finances!’ so he take out his black and his red pen. He always had a good side of those red and a black, pen and neat as a pin. He’s aligned them perfectly get out his checkbook and a piece of paper, and very carefully write in cursive handwriting, which is exquisite his handwriting is, I should take a picture of it. It’s amazing really it’s all very neat and he’d use a ruler to write. I’m sure he probably still does at times he’s very fastidious about his handwriting. His friends used to make fun of him in college because he spent so much time, focusing on his handwriting when he was taking notes in class.

Yeah, gay gay let lame was imitating men like my father, which could be how I know he was fake tube to some degree he did a pretty good impersonation, but my father never stops being that way there’s no moment where he acts normal so to speak he just is that way all the time it’s not an act there’s nothing loud or shrill or prissy about it in a way it’s very pretty but it’s also not because it’s very fluid and natural because that’s just who my father that raised me is.

Oh, so that’s sad because that anyway that part of him is actually somewhat daring to me in a way that was my mother to who raised me. I think she thought I think she was somewhat of a lesbian, and I think she enjoyed his homosexuality him just had an aesthetic level. I think she made fun of him for it in her head, but she also thought it was sort of funny Because he was so he was so prim. Yeah, he has a little shaving bag full of had a mirror hairspray, a comb and other items like that in a little fake leather if I have a real leather handbag and he use it every morning to brush his hair just like so and then spray it, and then he’d use his mirror and look in the back and look at the front and then put it all back in the bag neatly I think there’s a toothbrush and toothpaste in there as well I know he was very fastidious. I mean it was someone upper class, of course, but he was very fastidious in a very gay way.

I yes and of course he had some perfume that he’d wear nothing too expensive, but something that we can smell quite nice.

Him but no, he do the finances so he’d use a red pen and a black pen and he line them up right next to each other and write everything up very carefully all the finances for the next month or the next week or the trip that we were taking he love doing the finances you think of everything you could possibly think of Then he’d write it all out and then he would subtract and add using the ride in the black pad and he never explained it to me much or if he did I was too distracted to really give a fuck or something but no he use the red pen in a certain way in the black pen in a certain way to indicate him additions and subtractions to his finances, our finances as a family so he do that with every paycheck and he take my mothers paycheck that raise me and his and he had to iron everything out the can possibly happen in the next month budget everything perfectly and when he did that he would always donate 20% 1510 to 20% of every goes gross average a paycheck and that was the first thing that he’d write on the page The first thing he do the first thing you always do would be to take away 10 to 20% of the of our income for the church every single time and he make quite a point about it to me and quite a part of it I mother and she go along with it and play victim and act like she was just so you know, put out, but that she was going to go along with it too.

And sometimes he eat popcorn and drink soda while he was doing this sometimes he’d have chocolate sauce over ice cream always Häagen-Dazs none of that cheap shit and no a remember being fed so much food at times the kid that I wanted to throw up because they overfed me to molest me, but also just a harassed me and torture me and also also to make me strong and healthy they’re very complicated people

I am why did they? Why did they decide? Why did they decide? Why did they decide to not buy a house because because they felt that it was financially dangerous? What did that mean?

It meant that we wouldn’t be able to buy Häagen-Dazs ice cream anymore. Literally that was one of their concerns that they expressed or maybe that literally the ice cream but that was I think that idea it was we won’t be able to buy good groceries anymore. Yeah they spent $400 a week on groceries for a family of three. Oh, and no, they didn’t wanna buy a house because this because it was financially dangerous they wouldn’t be able to buy groceries anymore. They were expensive they wouldn’t be able to go on vacations anymore that we were not and they were boring awful vacations according to that very peasant mill class, but they were two weeks at least every summer straight up a vacation so I was time off work. It was gas money it was eating expenses. It was hotels sometimes it was oh shopping and when we got to my families house we wouldn’t have to spend any money anymore but before then it was very expensive according to them and so they couldn’t take trips and they couldn’t buy expensive groceries and they couldn’t do things like that and that just scared them. They were terrified to go into debt, they had a small amount of debt, but not that much, and they were terrified to go into that. They were terrified, just terrified of being sarcastic. They were just terrified, just absolutely floored and terrified to go into that and they wouldn’t think of of not giving 10 to 20% of your gross income every paycheck to the Lord they wouldn’t dream of such a thing so they had to give 20% of every gross paycheck to the Lord And even dream of not being able to buy Häagen-Dazs ice cream very easily I mean it’s just ice cream you should be able to buy something that expensive without having to bad and I so am that was the thought essentially I could tell you what I really think but I’m trying to be objective because you don’t think I have a fucking brain potentially at all and you think you’re the only fucking human to possibly ever fucking exist?” says Lacey.

“ so how much did they really have been making?” says Mr. Cologne 76.

“ and a well let’s see probably something I’ve already told you people I know I’m not schizophrenic and I don’t like repeating myself. I am well except my father should’ve probably been making about. I’ll just put it in today’s terms because it’s just too difficult the other way people don’t want to think about inflation him he probably should’ve been making about $140,000 in his 50s which isn’t that much but it’s a decent salary yeah? oh my mother should’ve probably been making probably about 50 to 60,000 in her 40s and 50s. I don’t think her income would’ve ever probably increased that much so in their 50s they should be making a combined total income of about shoe hundred thousand dollars in today’s ink and today they were upper class old money but it wasn’t grand. I’m sorry but no they probably should’ve been making about, no they probably should’ve been making about $200,000.” says Lacey.

“ you’re right that’s not that’s impressive income. It’s upper class for a family of three in Minnesota. Yeah I mean that’s upper class that’s true but it’s not him it’s not crap that’s upper class and it’s old money for a family of three in Minnesota but it’s not a bunch of doctor would make.

Oh my God.” says Mr. Cologne 76.

“ no it’s not. They also don’t own a party. Planning company is in a pisses me off of people. I’m not an idiot I asked Anderson hell of a lot more than a lot of people do and I I do I understand social class the pew center of a research does as well no, oh they really do or they should for a family of three in Minnesota she want her thousand dollars a year is upper class that might startle some people who think they’re profoundly wealthy but it’s really actually an upper class salary believe it or not it’s not that much but it’s more than a lot of people make, and it is upper class.” says Lacey.

“ you’re right that is true I guess that’s just true. How was your father? What was wrong with their jobs have been I mean yeah OK 200,000 is yeah it’s like not that much but it’s upper class for a family of three you’re right.” says Mr. Cologne 76.

“ oh, my father would’ve had his doctorate in anthropology. I’ve shared that before that’s facts and the Kennedys hate that because they don’t like the fact that I’m better than them, or that the Nash times exist are the Jim’s more of a higher class person to them and has nothing to do with how evil my family are there just narcissistically offended. they are profoundly toxic people.

No, he would’ve had his doctorate in anthropology and he shared that many times in the past that’s just facts. That’s just who he is. He chose to be stupid. Basically I I think he likes feeling sorry for himself at times and that’s part of what’s wrong with him? But no he he was. He was going to be an anthropology professor I’ve said that so many times and that’s what he really should have done if he was responsible and not being evil with his intelligence Him he yeah he would’ve been a good anthropology. Professor anthropology, sociology but no, he probably would’ve gotten to anthropology, so yeah, he probably would’ve been an anthropology professor at the U of M or something but then he would’ve had to deal with other people and he was very gay And he was a pedophile and he’s not someone who does well with other people and that way he’s good at being with people when you can kiss their ass and yet sort of be better than them having to deal with people who are his equal intellectually, or who he hast to sort of get along with it without getting into some sort of narcissistic needy little petty fight is difficult for him he used to argue with me all the time Because I’m smarter than him, and it was very threatening to him when I was a little kid not as much when I was older no, he was always arguing with me so about stuff like that, and it wasn’t terrible to argue with him, but it was terrible and no he was just in case. He was a very cantankerous person in his own little fucked up way so he would’ve had to deal with people and get along with them and actually contribute to society And he chose not to because he didn’t want to be kind. He wanted to be an asshole and that’s him not me I’m not like that at all. He very well isn’t necessarily even my father biologically, but that’s beyond the point where he was or not. I’m not like that at all, but he know he just he couldn’t get along he could get along with people at all and that way.” says Lacey.

“ but you could?” says Mr. Cologne 76.

“ oh yes, very much so what the fuck do you think I’m doing most of the time with people and I’m nice to them he can’t do that I’m not a narcissist like him or a pedophile. He’s a pedophile a narcissist I’m not, and that’s not be being weird that’s me telling you the fucking truth, see you hate me so much that when I tell you, I’m a victim you feel sorry for about five fucking seconds and then you start hating me and thinking that I did it to myself or someone else which is insane I am is it victim? It was done to me.

He is the one who couldn’t keep the job that required him to talk to other people all I fucking ever do is talk to people if there’s an illuminati, I fucking practically run the entire fucking world because of the oil in our family and my ability to brilliantly talk to people and lied that I’m not his daughter he raised me. I thought he was my father. I have no fucking clue factually whether or not he’s biologically my father or not, he might be he might not be, but if he is, I’m sure as hell not like him.

I have no interest in children. I am not attracted to them go fuck yourself you little piece of shit if you want me to start calling you a Dyke racist fucking prick. I will yeah I did just call you a transgender woman who is a lesbian and yes, I did just call you a Kike bitch Nager if that’s all you fucking are.

Yeah I don’t know what the fuck you are. Are you a Nager? Are you a bitch? Are you a hoe cause I’ll tell you what I’m not. I’m not a pedophile I’m not a narcissist asshole yeah I still want to talk to you. Do you want to talk bitch?” says Lacey.

“ OK you’re right it would be weird psychologically if someone’s reading me thinking that you’re him.” says Mr. Cologne 76.

“yeah and someone is in one of the people who are reading you that we are me is the I read you as being very unaware of the fact that I am not my father, which is actually very triggering to me because that’s the abuse that I experienced from them and that’s also my mother used to do to me to try to harass me and play victim so I don’t know what the fuck your problem is but no I’m not my father and 2+2 = 4 you fucking idiot.” says Lacey. “ oh, by the way, I met the father that raised me. I’m sorry if you got confused by that because it’s too fucking complicated I’m a peasant now we’re talking about something that only poor people would ever worry about like anything other than what your fucking ass.”

“ you’d kill someone!” he says.

“ you know it’s funny you should bring that up the father that actually is my father was Tom Banks, and I have a very strong suspicion based on my historical analysis that he may have killed people at times, so I probably have some sort of DNA memory and me of how to kill people that deserve it so don’t worry if you don’t deserve it I don’t want to kill you anyway I’m not a hotheaded piece of shit and neither was he.” says Lacey.

“ I yeah I know you’re right I are OK I’m sorry I was always very disrespectful to you. I was very petty everyone was I have a feeling that’s what really makes you angry is how petty we all are and disrespectful.” he says.

“ actually yes that is what bothers me is how petty you are, but I can’t say that sort of thing because people get weirded out by how deep I am, and how old I actually am in my my perception of things, and if I actually am illegitimate my father really was Tom Banks biologically. I hope you have enough human empathy to realize how fucking confusing it is to me because I really am his daughter. You have no idea how much I’m his daughter psychologically. I’m his daughter, but it makes no sense to people in the illuminati even it’s just very bizarre. It makes sense to me, but I’m his daughter if it makes sense to me psychologically though to developmentally, I clearly got very attached to him if he’s my father and my father that raise me bringing him up it somehow it’s just yeah do you wanna talk about that we can talk about that I think that might be more interesting to you.” says Lacey.

“ yeah so what do you think I’d want to know?” he says.

“ well I’m screwed up because I don’t have a clear mother figure anymore so in that way I know I’m all screwed up but I don’t know what I’m supposed to do about it I mean you know it’s like I thought I had a mother but I don’t know entirely if I do him so that part of my psychology is unfortunately a little messed up.

I don’t hate women though if that’s not what it would be that’s so stupid that people would think that but no that’s not what it would be talking from an actual intellectually psychological perspective not some dumb ass bullshit.

I anyway that’s like it’s I’m talking about like developmental stuff that mothers contribute to their children that would require someone to probably more intellectual to understand so if you think you’re following me be careful you might not be.

See that’s the problem. I sound really harsh but I don’t know what the fuck to do about it because that’s the part of me that screwed up. I am unusually intelligent but I don’t know that fully. I am unusually beautiful, but I don’t know that fully because that’s the part of me developmentally that is messed up from not knowing of a loving mother from not having a mother who was loving people want to sexualize that it’s pathetic, and immature and weak, and very peasant like.

And so the problem is if I’m being too harsh, yeah I don’t know because where is the mother do a mother says lower your voice lovingly I might not have that I was raised by loving dad somehow if I’m illegitimate so I can voice my opinion I can do it like a lady because he even probably taught me some of that possibly through my grandmother But I don’t have I don’t have that in my head that understanding of things and that way I’m very lady like I’m very very proper like an old money aristocrat from the 1800s possibly even if it’s not reincarnation because my father is old money to some degree me they were generational wealth, so my grandmother, my grandmother banks, definitely probably contributed to me And I was taught to be very lady like and it’s real. I’m a woman it’s not a fake thing. I’m not a gay man but the problem is I’m harsh but possibly more than I realize because I have my fathers daughter if I’m illegitimate I’m very much him and my personality. He’s my dad if I’m biologically his daughter, so I don’t mind ripping people apart if they deserve it but then I might not realize how scary it is because no one loves me to Safeway and I’ve had to fight.

My words are being made to sound stupid I don’t give a fuck I’ll correct it later. I might like people thinking I’m dumb because I’m tired of correcting you all.

Oh so, but my dad no I mean my father love me it’s not like a father’s love does it mean anything so yeah, I developed a sense of self through him possibly but the funny thing is it doesn’t really make any sense because how did I do it? There’s no official record that I’m his daughter even if I really how many help me for three months when I was an infant, it was SECRET no one officially knows, so I am because official things do matter I have no way of explaining myself to psychologist if that’s who I am biologically.

Because they always say, why are you more messed up you know I sent you a sociopath or narcissist, so why aren’t you more screwed up and then they say you’re dissociating it’s like no I’m not dissociating and then they say if your mother loves you and I say that I always used to say I think so and then they start scratching their head and getting confused because it never made sense to them. I just made no sense.

And really it didn’t make sense so the thing is I never thought of my father, who raised me as my father. It was the abuse that I experienced for 02 or three years of my life from what I was about. Oh, you’re 22 years to go out from a year to two years old until I was about four he was very obviously sexually abusive towards me. And then, from about four I’ve been till I was up until now he’s he doesn’t know very backwards, sort of backhanded, upside down way where he doesn’t really want you to know that he’s being abusive, but he is my mother was sexually abusive, but it was entirely covert.

I mean as an adult looking back at it I’m like crap I was being molested but the time I didn’t know it was covert. And I’m not her either. and I don’t really wanna tell you what she’d do because it’s disgusting.” says Lacey.

“ I have to know what did she do?” he says.

“ oh OK I’ll clean it up. The literal stuff is just the literal thing that actually happened is to disgusting so what did she actually do so to speak all right on Valentine’s Day she buy me a card let’s say that said lover you’re special and then she’d sign it. Love mommy and put it under my pillow after I woke up so I get out of bed go eat breakfast come back and find this card under my pillow that said, love your special on Valentine’s Day. It was it was serve as a concept. It was shit like that to what that’s too confusing to you, she would do something like she say you’re my girlfriend on Valentine’s Day. She say you are my girlfriend on Valentine’s Day but because I don’t want someone to take you from me I’m going to give you a card and let you read it alone in your room with the door shut and then she go cook dinner.” says Lacey.

“ what did you make of that at the time Lacey?” asks Mr. Cologne 76.

“ arm I’m kind of a ditz I’m brilliant, but I can be a bit of a ditz and that’s just my personality. So I think so I would think what the hell is this woman doing and why is she giving me a card with the fuck I’m not her lover what the hell so that I take the damn card in my room read it with the door shut as she’s selected me to do and I think what the Hells going to happen next with his crazy bitch, I read the card look at it and think this is the stupid shitty fucked up cheap card from Kaald foods first of all and then I would think you know is she even trying you know it’s like I’m not her girlfriend but even if I was with the fuck cause I mean to her it’s like abusive relationship. And then I would think well it’s a pretty card. It’s a pretty card and she’s my mommy and she loves me because I was kid and she used to say I love you in a way that was convincing so my innocence I thought well, she is my mommy and she loves me. I think I mean it didn’t feel like I was being loved necessarily completely but it’s enough I mean OK maybe I didn’t times seem that convincing, but if we were, there were some bread flakes even to my little child self but Thank God right but but no it was like she’s not. She’s not mean she’s a mommy and she loves me so I thought you know it’s OK. I think this is just a pretty card. I don’t know why she wants to kiss me. I’m not her girlfriend that’s just gross, mom is just being gross oh, but maybe maybe she just likes pretty cards so maybe that’s all it is maybe she just wants to give pretty cards on Valentine’s Day and maybe daddy is confused her with all that Kissy mushy stuff.” says Lacey.

“ so then what did you do Lacey?” asks a pedophile.

“ well I am yeah I mean it is crazy but it’s an interesting thing to consider about my psychology. What did I do? Oh I bought her carts am not with lover on them because that was just a weird bird by her cards on Valentine’s Day and I’d say we celebrate Valentine’s Day with pretty cards which actually is because you give family members Valentine’s Day cards so that I would’ve thought well that’s what it was it’s just in our family we celebrate Valentine’s Day. It’s a little weird but I guess we’re just a really Christian touchy-feely weird family and not touchy-feely literally necessarily were just you know a really emotional Christian family or something so we can celebrate Valentine’s Day. It’s kind of stupid but whatever it’s a stupid holiday anyway so that I would’ve just been giving her Valentine’s Day cards. Is that funny because it probably pissed her off because you’re always at wise you know my girlfriend getting naked inside because you’re an insane Becca you’re a pedophile Becca, you’re nuts I was never attracted to you you dip shit fucking idiot, Horace bitch Porsche is it is an insult that maybe doesn’t literally apply but it seemed aesthetically effective but that’s the thing so so then you know that’s a sort of thing I’d say him in my spirit to her if she was here but no, but no it’s just I would’ve probably offended her because I wasn’t I wasn’t understanding that she was interested and then I was probably being nice to her in a way that was hurtful to her if she has any feelings that are human and it probably was very scary to her because she’s a narcissist and it’s terrifying that someone could possibly not be madly in love with her.” says Lacey.

“ oh no but it’s arm. It is sort of funny isn’t it oh so then so then you just you just didn’t realize that that you were hurting them but that’s where that’s their fault because it’s insane and civil and you’re right but to not except their advances I respect that you knew that about yourself. I know everyone does obviously I think God you did him, so you just never thought of them as you never thought your mother seemed convincing, but your father never seem convincing to you?” he says.

“ yes, my father never was convincing I was thought he was a rather bizarre father for me possibly because he isn’t my biological father he might even told me that once, when he was abusing me to be honest him, but but no he him he might’ve even told me that, and I just didn’t think of him as my biological father psychologically.” says Lacey.

“ that sounds like hell.” says Mr. Cologne 76.

“ yes that’s true but that’s not how I experience it because I don’t know any better.” says Lacey.

“ so they should’ve sent you probably to a good prep school, and then you would’ve gone to Harvard and probably be married to someone very wealthy or possibly be dead in someway I could see you being a spy and being dead falling off of the high building somewhere.” he says.

“ oh, yes, I have nightmares about falling off, which is yeah it would make sense for me to be dead somewhere I could see that for myself potentially him being somewhere dead on the ground I think I could’ve almost ended up in that situation, but I avoided it, by not getting into politics.” says Lacey.

“ yeah probably so how do you perceive them but they’re obviously insane. They’re probably narcissists are psychopaths the old money they’re Norwegian is that it is that basically all you think of them as?” he says.

“ 00 yeah, pretty much I mean I could delve into their psychology more. I know I care about them as people but they’re not my parents. They are in the way, but when I’m dead they’ll no longer be my parents at all unless of God needs them to be.“ says Lacey.

“ I bet you’re looking forward to that!” he says.

“ yes I am very much so it will be very nice to be done with them. I mean I care about them but no, I really do care about them as people and it is the thing is if they ever felt like they wanted to make a joke or if yeah, so we are God one of them to be parental to me the way that was safe and functional like hey happy Valentine’s Day you know to sort of make fun of themselves and that actually doesn’t even work but after we’re dead at some point that’s up to God to sort through the validity of that but but but no I I bless their hearts. I will be very happy to be done with them when I’m dead.” says Lacey.

“ our kids are our kids they don’t have a choice. We love them they’re our kids but especially if they’re not her biological parents they’re just not her parents and it’s been an interesting interesting life they’re not her parents and you know it’s been interesting knowing them as people that she doesn’t know them sexually and if she does, it’s more like an information gather than anything else, I am so she never knew that, but she does know that which is actually sort of embarrassing him if sex could become a fart that in many ways is what molestation is. but no, it’s it’s been interesting knowing them as people they’re interesting people psychologically they are their quirks and their aesthetic. They have an interesting aesthetic when they’re not being evil that’s actually sort of pleasant and Scandinavian and in that way it’s been kind of pleasant and their family isn’t as toxic as them. Thank God and they’re there less hurtful and toxic than a lot of pedophiles can be because they’re so well bred that they’re horrific and I would say a lot of people end up more screwed up than me and yet less screwed up but then that’s the thing I have an enormous amount of psychological pain that’s probably profound but the upside is that I know it’s bullshit on a certain level. Where is other people maybe don’t know that.” says Lacey.

“ so life is just one big job to you. At this point you’re not trying to be happy you’re just working until you die completely?” asks a perfume collector.

“ yes but I am aristocratic and so I take a little breaks and enjoy things aesthetically and I am I love being a mother to my children I’m not petty feel like I’m not toxic and so I’m a good mom to know I enjoy things I have I have hobbies I have I have hobbies I love my kids but no I don’t. I don’t do Juliana don’t give a shit about my life anymore and that way I’m fucking over it if if there’s if there’s an afterlife and I’m quite sure that there is thin know I’m just I’m fucking over it. My life is just a stupid fucking shit show and I’m just over it.” says Lacey. “ my kids are just shit. Show my love for them isn’t. My hobbies are actually quite lovely, but I am my life is a concepts that I’m living. Oh, God help me no fuck that shit.”

“ that’s a pretty strong indictment of all of humanity. That’s alive right now Lacey.” says the CIA.

“ yeah and you deserve it outside of the children that are alive and suffering under your fucking current ‘care.’” says Lem.

“ no I completely agree with that and it’s not an indictment of people who are well-meaning him and I hope the person that said that realizes that at some point.” says Mr. Cologne 76.

“ what does that feel like to just not give a shit?” asks his wife.

“ well, I’m staying alive for my kids. My kids still mean something to me I do enjoy my hobbies but no I have either. It’s actually sort of funny it. A part of it is tragic and you every day every minute you’re like reading your old life and it’s just like shit it’s like I’m gonna be in a state of being dead or dying in this tragic horrific way for like 30 years every day, um, so no in that sense it’s horrific but then in another sense it’s actually quite funny. I mean it’s it’s horrific and terrible but then another sense it’s actually quite funny.“ says Lacey.

“ right because Lem’s dead.” says the CIA.

“ so he really probably is trying to strategize a way to bring you and your kids with him and Mark a literally to the genuine after life!” says Mrs. Cologne 76.

“ yes, I suspect that yes.” says Lacey.

“wool so if there’s green carnation in your Scotia, what does it feel like to be black in America?” says Mrs. Cologne 76.

“ well, I wasn’t black and I really wasn’t if I’m Scotia but that being said 000 wow I don’t think I have a full black experience but because I’m not black but that being said him I don’t think you mean black in America sweetie I think you’re a bitch and you should go fuck yourself that’s my response.” says Lacey.

“ I would agree and I’m her husband.” he says.

“ yeah no you’re thinking of slavery, which is entirely different thing. I am not black I’m not beneath myself you’re trying to make me a black magic peasant hot that’s not what I am I’m superior to you. I don’t know that I like that but I am superior to you and your husband to adult Black people and it doesn’t mean that I want to be but peoples perception. I’m better than you, but if you’re trying to make an actual intellectual conversation with me and not just be a petty bitch with a superiority crisis all the fucking time I think you mean slavery and you’ve never been a slave as far as I know so I would shut your fucking trap.” says Lacey.

“ my ancestors were though.” she says.

“ oh, but you’re not you’re not your ancestors that is your lineage and you can be proud of what they lived through but that wasn’t literally you.” says Lacey.

“ oh, that’s true. OK Bing more humble is your life actually worse than being a slave?” she asks.

“ no shit it is you dumb bitch!” says a black woman in the Illuminati.

“ and then I guess the Bible first about being happy being a slave doesn’t apply to you, but I do think that my people probably did look forward to death at times.” she says.

“ yeah they did oh very much so and it’s nice to have someone to relate to who understands what I’m feeling all the time and maybe they actually don’t entirely because they did for love and have a life occasionally but when they were able when they weren’t able to and they’d rather have just been dead, yeah those people probably do relate to me and I relate to them and I am it’s like OK well it’s nice to think of death or you know honestly, a lot of people that are held hostage in the sex trafficking rings feel that way too so there are literally millions of people who are making money for the Democratic Party and the US to give to Solinski and add a general who would really rather just be dead you know I get the sense that you find a slightly funny to what happened we knew slavery was wrong like 1560 years ago we knew it was rock. When the fuck did we forget that? And I’m using weed very loosely, but I’m not actually a hostage. I’m in aristocrat who is being sadistically tortured until she dies by very evil people without being sad. Um, I don’t know why we forgot that it’s like we we had that information we knew we knew we knew that it was wrong. We still kind of know, so why don’t we get it that these people are slaves that were using children and and other people who are literally being kept in dark places, and being violated, horrifically from the inside out with no family structure, necessarily at all, I would really rather just be dead which is why there could be seven year olds overdosing on heroin him because they just don’t know any better and better and they’d rather be dead so how did we not like what what when did we start fucking up and not realizing that that that was slavery?” says Lacey.

“ oh, I’m sure that you have very little patience for Black people in America because you think what the fuck I hear it I hear what happened to you it was terrible but you’re benefiting from slavery. Now it’s worse than what your people experience so those of you that know what’s going on and choose to just ignore it, I don’t know if I have a lot of sympathy for your experience anymore as a black person I’m not racist, but I’m not gonna sit here and empathize with you anymore because if it’s draining on me, I have to try really hard to to think how you think and empathize with you and I’m losing patience because you’re a fucking monster in your own fucking way.” she says.

“ yeah yeah Yep exactly it is not funny because then you start to feel like you’re not black anymore and maybe you’re not entirely in that way it makes you wonder if if they brought back racism because some jack ass black person like Oprah or some crap like that if she’s crap, she’s not that I’m sorry Oprah, but some asshole like that if she’s an asshole that I feel really sorry for myself, but not as much as I like to Phyl so let’s make all Black people suffer and let’s bring back racism because it really is going away and if it goes away entirely, I won’t be able to feel self-righteous and sorry for myself, but I fucking hurt people and make millions off of children who would rather be dead.” says Lacey.

“ you’re right I hope it wasn’t her. I hope that’s not what happened but I hear you.” she says.

“ you know I think it makes me mad as a black person though because there is racism him God help others not that evil but I’ve always liked her, but if there if there is racism to know him, I just feel bad because I Cassie is happy and she’s actual racist. She’s an actual racist and she’s happy and we supported her and we felt sorry for her and we still do I just like what a race trader sent people were in the Perfume community to themselves because that woman is a racist and she’s living the life happy as can be in love with someone and I don’t even know if that was offered to you almost at all in life and I think they think it was stolen from you repeatedly and it’s like why the hell does that bitch get such a fucking happy life after what happened there was every reason in the world to side with you I think she was a moron people even thought that superficially went on a deeper level. It was just like fuck that shit, Casi is the victim.” she says.

“ yeah oh I know. Yeah, that bothers me too. It’s bothered me for years.” says Lacey.

“She ruined perfume!” she says.

“ yes in a sense, she almost has or come close to it for the entire world hopefully not for eternity she’s not heinous of a person with what she may have done.” says Lacey.

“ I am you know what let’s have a Perfume conversation know let’s have a perfume conversation.” she says.