“Perfume” by Lem Billings

“How is Lacey not petty feel like at all?” asks a woman.

“ it’s not a learned thing necessarily sweetie that’s not like a sure fire way to turn someone into a pedophile. I’m sorry you’re too backward to understand that. Some people can have that happen to them but a decent number of people don’t actually experience that. They don’t turn into pedophiles just because they were molested. That’s a-that’s a myth that could that can happen. It can happen, but it’s not like set in stone and I would say that’s actually probably not the majority of people who are molested. Most people were molested don’t turn into pedophiles some people might but most people don’t.” says the CIA.

“I think people get confused because faces have evolved to be uglier and women are too narcissistic to handle that so it’s like they look more masculine than women used to look in the past, but we’re too vain to accept that so we make ourselves better than her, because it threatens us to think that she’s prettier than us objectively.” says the same woman.

“That’s true and you can’t handle it either, so go away and I mean that lovingly.” says Tom Banks.

“ I will talk about perfume but that woman just blew it because everything she’s black am I Lacey am I impressed by you? Yeah but it’s very begrudgingly. I hate that about you and I always did it really is like 100% of why I hate you is that you’re better than me it just it totally pisses me off, that’s all that’s all that it is. That’s all that I hate. That’s the only reason I hate you it’s cause you’re better than me. I just realize that that’s obvious like you’re offensive but you don’t necessarily mean to be and I think I’ve let myself get hurt, or you gonna be more aware that you give off that vibe of being judgmental even if you’re not really doing that but but that being said, I really just hate because you’re better than me and I don’t think people will be so offended by you being judgmental if you weren’t offensive to them for being better than them all the time I mean hell yeah your life is better than anything I’ve ever experienced ever so I said socioeconomically you’re arguably the most elite person that the perfume community has ever experienced all of us. I don’t care who the hell it is there’s nobody in the Perfume community that is elite as you at all, it’s impossible. There could be some people who are wealthy who are from the Middle East but I would bet that they’re not actually as elite as you and it Hass to do with race. It Hass to do with the history of Europe versus the least that the Europeans won, so no there’s nobody in the entire Perfume community. I don’t care what the fuck they say or who they are or what their aesthetic is, that is superior to you or even equal to you and honestly that’s why we hated you. We are so competitive and elitist in that community and we lie about it more than most people do I miss it’s it’s part of why we wear perfume we wear it to show off we collect it to show off in parts, even if we’re not narcissistic for the most part right even if you’re not entirely narcissistic, even if part of us is just narcissistic we still do it for that reason and I I’m angry because I just I feel like it should’ve been obvious might not be obvious to you, but I feel like someone should’ve told you at this point and I don’t get the sense that anyone has been able to or anyone has.” says Casi.

“ yes, you’re absolutely right I get silenced a lot by the Kennedys and gay men and liberals and that covers most of it maybe pedophiles but maybe not as much ironically and even though they’re very evil with what they do if they indulge in it and I don’t mean indulge in that way, if if they partake in it the thing is, I am a palled right now by the fact that I was friends with Jack, we coddled him to an extraordinary degree. He never had a fucking clue how offensive he was he not to the degree that he actually was he knew he was offensive, but he knew he didn’t know based on how we treated him just how profoundly obnoxious he actually was, and now his whole family is like that I mean no it’s not that I indulged him because I was so in love with him we’re impressed by him Louis Bayard. It’s that I really didn’t fucking know any better. I was brainwashed I was confused I was just looking for a friend. I was not a normal boy in my perception of myself and I was also for eyes wet, asthma from the family that it has lost all of its wealth and I wasn’t the most athletic person at times so I didn’t fit in and even if I wasn’t gay I was fat I was, I was buff and then I was fat I wore clothing that accentuated my curves and made me look more feminine until I was older, and then I was sort of doing that, but not entirely when I was young I was so confused that I thought it was a woman to some degree and I was trying to sort of look more curvaceous because again I thought it was more honest I thought maybe I have hips slightly and maybe that would be something that I should sort of enjoy or be in someway and it’s like this is what we do when we’re gay so when we’re gay, we react this way and it’s like you’re supposed to look masculine when you’re in a lesbian slightly and so some lesbians get really into that I got a little into that I wasn’t gay, but I was trying to be gay and be honest I thought it was kind of fun in a way why I think because I enjoyed the artistic aspect of it is like how did I make myself look curvier? What does it mean to be a man? I was fascinated by sculpture, so I thought maybe this is the physical shape of a man when he’s gay, and it wasn’t necessarily narcissistic him, I think there are some men who are straight who could end up doing the same thing, but it would be very embarrassing to them and you might wonder if they were autistic or maybe retarded or just being an idiot because it’s kind of embarrassing it’s like what are you gay or something and I would’ve said yes and I would’ve enjoyed myself because it sort of like hey look him men have hips too and if you stick them out, the bed really have hips and so they know it was. It was fascinating to me, and I actually wasn’t trying to be arousing to people, um, to be honest, if I didn’t thoroughly realize that people were actually aroused by men when they’re gay, I may not have realize that what I was doing was even arousing, so I might’ve just thought this is how men are when they’re gay isn’t it interesting they’re almost like women so you get to explore the male body and my energy really is straight. I’m sorry so it’s like oh I’m gay but then if you look at my feet, I look straight, which is what Lacey keeps trying to tell people or it’s like oh I’m gay but then if you look at my face, I don’t like it anymore because I’m trying to be gay. There are some Black people who are confused and can’t figure out why gay men are hanging onto you so much because it’s like someone who thought they were black and try to be black and then she’s like no I actually wasn’t black that was face paint and then and then Black people will be like what the hell you were wearing face paint and she’s like yeah I was being fake and then Black people who are more normal which makes you wonder if homosexuality is even normal at all right or is it really crazy might have said you’re not black and be a little freaked out by her butt gay people are the opposite they’re like what the fuck you’re still gay you’re still gay oh my God them you’re still gay and it’s obvious that on a certain level I am faking it and Lacey and I both been floored by that we we got such a people might be crazy but we didn’t realize how obsessive and stupid and crazy people actually could be why the fuck are you hating onto me I acted straight when I was being myself, it freaks people out and then I am explaining to you I acted gay I dressed in a gay way. I acted gay but if you look at other parts of my body, I still look straight you don’t you always look gay is that is that it you can’t handle the fact that you never look straight so you have such profound internalized hatred and psychopathy or what the fuck is it that you can’t handle the fact that I don’t look like you in a normal way, but you don’t want accept that.” says Lem.

“ oh, I was not your friend. I was an asshole to you potentially, and we all were and I have to accept that.” says Mrs. Cologne 76 to Lacey.

“ yeah, you guys where are you still are to some degree.” says the CIA.

“ I am so am I know I’m just kind of analyzing the situation should Lacey have not been collecting perfume she had about $50,000 to burn was she actually somewhat ludicrous and buying a large perfume collection? Should she have been collecting real factual fine art?” asks the CIA.

“ oh yes, I think I would feel less offended by her if I saw her and if she had just been a hell of a lot more careful with analyzing perfume, I mean by vials of perfume, spend $5000 on buying vials of perfume dissect every notes and write a blog about it maybe occasionally post a rare bottle that you really love but then don’t but then don’t like buy tons of perfume.” says Casi.

“ I could have done that I just didn’t realize how hateful people would be. I think I thought that you guys would be more artistic Ed class exempt I’d I didn’t think that you would be quite so deeply ingrained in the lower classes and so hostile about it.” says Lacey.

“ and what would you buy Lacey I mean clearly you spent $5000 on samples but what would you buy?” asks Tucker Carlson.

“ yeah and then I could’ve spent 25 to 50,000 on art which would be nice but oh well.” says Lacey.

“ what would I buy to still have a sexual experience with heart sensual not a sexual way, but sensual him I could make a list it wouldn’t be that long.” says Lacey.

1. Guerlain Jicky

2. Guerlain L’Heure Bleue

3. Guerlain Mitsouko

4. Paloma Picasso

5. Chanel Number Five

That’s it. You’re all too hateful to let me enjoy anything else.” says Lacey.

“Oh okay. So…that’s literally all you give a shit about anymore?” asks an asshole perfume collector.

“Yup!!” says Lem. “She wears the Youth Dew for me.”

“So what would she actually own?” asks a collector.

“Jicky, Mitsouko, Youth Dew…a lot. But not nearly as many.” says Lem.

“And then she’d own $50,000 in art?” asks Casi.

“Yup!” says Tucker Carlson.

“From Sotheby’s?” asks Casi.

“Yes!” says Lacey.

“So she’d own like…$200,000 more.” says Michael.

“Do we have a problem?” asks the perfume community.

“Yeah! You guys are delusional.” says Jan.

“Who sent her to Hell?” asks a reader.

“I’m there too.” says Lem. “We’re there together.”

“And God doesn’t think we deserve it.” says Lacey.

“Will you sell your collection?” asks a reader.

“No.” says Lacey.

“Let’s do another day in her life. That’s effective.” says a reader. “The people are restless!”