Mr. Blue Sky by Weezer plays.
“Help!!” screams a little Irish boy. “I’M IN HELL!!!” he whispers. “I’m a sex hostage and the hostage takers just gave me acid.” He looks around. “To celebrate Cillian Murphy we partied and they gave me acid out of the blue. BLUE!!! EVERYONE IS BLUE!!!” He screams.
He screams. He screams. He screams.
(Because Lacey tells him it’s fun to scream!)
He screams.
He realizes he can handle the drug trip if he can still hear himself screaming. Suddenly he feels in control of his body again.
“It’s weird. But like…yeah. If I scream. It’s better.” he calms himself. He thinks to take a small sip of clean water.
He locks himself in a closet with his water.
“It’s a fucking closet. I still know that.” says the little boy.
God sends Elliott Roosevelt to chill with him a bit. But Lem and Lacey were helpful too.
“Why did they give me that!?” he whispers aloud.
“Because they’re crazy.” says Elliott.
“Oh. Yeah.” he says in his spirit. He cries. Why because he can feel Elliott. And he feels safe to cry.
He calms down.
“Elliott starts telling him about…not much.” says Lem. “That’s a bad trip!”
“YES!” says the little boy to Lem.
“It’s a bad drug.” says Lem to explain.
“Well! I’ll just enjoy the closet.” he says poking the wall.
“Yeah. It’s like the stomach flu.” says Lacey.
Lacey leaves him with God and Elliott. Elliott smiles. And Louis.
“Your brain is…not okay. But you’ll probably not die.” says Louis.
“I KNOW THAT!!” he yells.
Elliott smiles.
Louis smiles.
“Why do I have to be in this closet?” asks the boy.
“It’s safer.” says Louis.
“Oh! Cause it’s a closet.” he says.
“NO SHIT!” yells Lacey as a mother-figure.
He laughs. Looks at the closet. Smiles and laughs.
“No. Acid is not for me. But…it’s a closet.” he says.
“Yeah! Look at all the angles. But not too much.” says Lacey.
He decides it’s a cool moment to analyze angles. He screams a little and starts analyzing angles. Elliott helps.
“I was supposed to be posting 1920’s perfume bottles. But I’m practically having a heart attack today instead. It’s been one horror after another. And it’s totally insane.” says Lacey.
“We gave him drugs.” says JP Kennedy. “Kick and I. And now we’re in Hell.”
“Am I!? Because I was hoping to hurt Lacey with whatever you two could come up with.” says Joe Kennedy Junior.
Silence.
“He’s not safe!” says a pedophile in the Illuminati. She’s hoping he’s not.
“No. He’s fine.” says Lacey.
“I’ll suck your vagina!!” yells a white trash woman desperately at Lacey as she’s also trying to be German to avoid living in absolute Hell. She’s struggling. She was having a good conversation with Lacey earlier this morning. They even had a lovely conversation specifically about UND. And it was comforting to her because she feels close to being able to afford UND and it feels like something “still for her.” And it is. And that’s nice? Isn’t it? …But in her poverty and weakness she’s now falling apart and crumbling and attacking Lacey. UND is looking like a pipe dream to her now.
“I don’t. I don’t. I am falling apart. I know it’s wrong.” she says.
“But you’re brainwashed?” says Lem.
“Yes.” she says.
“Then just shut-up!” yells Lacey.
She laughs and nods and then decides to make a cup of hot lemon water and calm herself down. It feels pretty and nice and white and comforting. Let her enjoy herself. Hot lemon water for a German woman might be kinda nice. They can enjoy those sort of things.
Ain’t No Rest for the Wicked by Cage The Elephant plays.
“I was having a nice morning with Joe…but he totally fucked-up.
He totally fucked-up.
So…I was having a relationship with Joe and we were having a nice time. God was giving us grace for being homosexual…and we were getting to know each other…and then this morning he just totally screwed-up because he’s an egotistical maniac.
See…I have a hard time with Lacey. …I’m very intimidated by her. And he knows that! And honestly he can’t even be strong for me…because he’s too screwed-up himself.” says The Sal.
“You know Sal…it’s because he was trying to get back with his wife like a good man.” says a dead Irish man in the Murphy family.
“Oh! OH! He was trying to get back with Lacey!?!” scoffs Sal. He rolls his eyes. “You are…ignorant.”
“Fine!” yells the Murphy.
“His wife!?? Please. She’s not his wife.” says The Sal.
“But…she was supposed to be.” says the Murphy sadly, broken-hearted.
“AWW! You’re so precious! So precious” says The Sal condescendingly. “She’s Lem’s wife. …Not Joe’s.”
Lacey and Sal laugh at evil together.
“Joe. …Lacey and Sal get along. Why…didn’t you introduce them to each other sooner? See…Jack did that.” says the dead Murphy.
Later. After The Sal calms himself down.
“Chris you found a woman who is very close to being a saint and I know that I’m dead I know that much…and then you decided to torture her with the Illuminati!? …And she’s already almost a saint, literally? …I really don’t understand if you’re at all rational what you were thinking.” says the dead Murphy in Ireland.
The Sal nods his head in approval.
“See what you failed to understand is that just because Lacey and Lem are straight doesn’t mean that Joe and I are. I’m sorry. …We’re trying to have what they have.” says The Sal to the dead Murphy, to explain.
And at that the dead Murphy in Ireland laughs and cries.
“Listen! Even if it’s insane and evil…and you’ll both have to let it go to be in Heaven…I have to admit I understand his interest in you.
You’re…like Lacey…but you’re…mean. And he’s mean.
No! Lacey and Lem are too nice for you.” he says.
The Sal thinks. “Yeah. If it’s not allowed in Heaven…then I’ll have to find a woman maybe like me. Not Lacey.” says The Sal.
“Yeah! He’s…kinda vicious!” says the dead Murphy in Ireland.
The Sal laughs.
“I’m not vicious. I’m an aristocrat.” says Lem to explain.
“No!!! Please be vicious. PLEASE!!! I NEED TO BELIEVE!!” begs Bobby Kennedy Junior.
“Yeah. I’m ready to sacrifice that asshole right about now too.” says a living poor Black American woman.
Handel’s Water Music plays. It’s Overture: [Largo – Allegro].
“I’m not vicious in that way, Bobby.” says Lem Billings.
“No!! YOU ARE!!!” pleads Bobby.
Later.
“We just had a shitshow conversation with Jada Pinkett Smith because Bobby has a crush on her and they’re really good friends…and so is Will Smith…and so we just had to explain African military history…to Jada who’s now fucking pissed off at us…and confused…because she thinks she’s thee African princess of the whole fucking universe, possibly.” says Lem Billings.
The Sal laughs. Boss Babes it.
“You know you need to stop asking for Lacey and Lem to give you money. You really do! You guys want emotional money, you want physical money, you want every fucking piece of shit on their entire fucking bodies…because you’re sick…and twisted…pieces of shit.” a reader says to JP Kennedy.
“I can’t let my son be gay!!” yells JP Kennedy.
“Jada you’re not a real aristocrat. Lacey is.” says Lem.
“But we’re so rich!” she says.
“Yes! Well! Come to 1300’s Africa and find us. And we’ll explain your real identity.” says an actual lofty…stuffy…posh…aristocratic Black man who lived in 1300’s Africa.
“Oh no. I’m poor. I can’t do that!” says Jada like a con artist or white racist fuckwad.
“Why can’t you?” asks Lacey.
“Yeah. It’s GLORIOUS.” laughs the African. “Jada…you are…BLACK.”
“DAMMIT! NO! Will and I are posh British aristocrats!” says Jada, honestly for the first time ever. She’s insane?
“No!!! Jada…you’re poor white evil hicks. Both of you. Con artist white hicks. …OR! You’re very wealthy Africans.” says Tom Cruise.
“Why the hell doesn’t she want to be a wealthy African? What a fucking stupid conundrum!” says Louis Hill Junior.
Will Smith laughs.
“No that was supposed to say: ‘Jada is stupid! Your conundrum is shit you fucking racist!’ I mean, ‘You fucking piece of shit from Hell, burn! You black whore! I hate you! Jada you’re a black idiot!’ No…that’s what he was trying to say!! I heard him! I heard him!” says Bobby Kennedy Junior.
A dead child laughs at Bobby.
“I heard that child laughing at me!!!” shrieks Bobby. “I don’t know.
I think I’m-I know…I’m gonna have to give more kids acid.” says Bobby getting genuinely sadistically excited. He laughs and grins in glee. He loves torturing people. He’s given himself over to evil possibly almost entirely. “I’m gonna have to be even more evil!
Oh my God! I’m falling apart. You guys…I’m feeling sad about this.
Right?
Man.
…Who do you mean?
*He shakes his head*
Please tell me! Just tell me what I need to do.
Just pay me! Just pay me? Okay. I’ll take your money. *he shrugs* A man has to do what he has to do.
Please tell me!! I beg you.” he says sincerely. “Give me your phone?
Yeah. Madeline, I’ll take your phone.
Hey…please tell me.
I am on my God.” whines Bobby like he’s really falling apart.
“Yeah, I need to accept that I am a bourgeois, pushy, new money…glamorous…sexy…grand…fascinating woman…who would’ve been in a first class cabin on the Titanic stealing the show…in an incredibly gorgeous dress…and with very expensive emerald earrings, worth $100,000 at least. …Do they even exist!? I wonder if they were thrown in the ocean? Because I felt so sorry for people! …Or they just got left on the ship? No…that’s a different conversation.
But anyway.
Because I have some suspicions too, Lacey. But no that’s just-that’s just who I am, that’s just who I am and I hate wearing wigs.
See…you don’t mind Lacey. You don’t mind wearing wigs…because you know that it’s not your hair but if your hair was your hair…not falling out and you were healthier you would have this hair or it would look something like this wig. …But no you don’t wanna spend $5000 on a wig. And I hear you, yeah. But wigs really do look nice.
Anyway, you’re right. I have a hard time with that because that’s-that’s our part of our problem. I’m a little white. And yeah the part of me that’s white is a little shitty…but then part of me knows that…and so I try to shut that part of myself up, and then I feel guilty for being so rich and Black and glamorous. I think both Will and I may feel that way.
So it’s like no we can’t be these people. We can’t be this…important. For real.
The shithead racist white person who raped my Black ‘mother’ was not right. …But that’s where it’s a little psychotic of me because you’re right I am.
Damn!
I’m this glorious diva. And Will, he’s my husband and, we’re not British aristocrats. No. Those aren’t our people. We’re white trash.
So I have to stop impersonating you.
And people like you.
Nah. It’s too good.
I have to just accept that.
Oh-oh this frustrates me.
And then…people might not understand my glory anyway and the glory of my people. And people like you do…and people who are as aristocratic as you do sometimes in general. …I mean, Harry married Megan and why did he do that? Why did he feel so comfortable with her so clearly?
There’s something about Africa that made sense to Harry and that’s the part of my body that is so pissed off because he knows that. Nah…we have a glorious history. And we barely know anything about it.
It’s so in our DNA that.
It’s us and he doesn’t have that and then some of us are like, ‘Can you give it to him? Can’t you give it and you can’t necessarily give it to him and that’s where I have to back off as a Black person because I don’t know you. I wish I did. But I know you in America. See? That’s how that works.’
And my white ancestors were probably poor, so they’re going to side with Bobby. Right? Yeah. But my Black ancestors I think decided to just shut-up because we really don’t know. We might have some opinions but my-my ancestors decided to just shut-up.” says Jada.
“I think I want you to be nice to him.
I think my ancestors are a little more aristocratic…than Jada’s. And I feel bad for Bobby. And those white people like him.
And I forgot and I just- I want you to be nice to him. And it’s almost like I’m like a father to you and it’s frustrating to me that you can’t find a way to do it.” says Will Smith.
“ yes that that was translated for you slightly by some posh Africans so I think you might have said some things that were a bit profound actually whether you meant to say them or not or did you mean to say them?
I will go fuck yourself you’re not as aristocratic as Lacey and I and I’m saying that to your black ancestors no I’m sorry I can’t be that nice. I understand that you’re there your friends and that you wanted me to be nice to them because you’re so jolly and fun, and you have good taste and your wife knows how to talk to people without being a miserable nagging freak from hell, but there is a child who almost overdosed on acid today in Ireland at work or horrified that he’s really dying Lacey’s not I I don’t think he’s probably going to survive And I don’t think he cares for him but I’m horrified and I’m not Lacey. I am no fuck you sorry I can’t have this conversation. I’m too angry fuck you fuck both of you.” yells Lem.
“ oh, fuck that shit why are you so fucking upset that he’s dying you dumb ass fucks!” says Lacey.
“I’m dehydrated.” he says.
“ yeah, you drink water though.” says Lacey.
“ I don’t think I’m dying of dehydration really.” he says in his spirit.
“ yeah the Kennedys are worthless and then the residual energy is a problem for all of purgatory. At this point he is he’s Lacey he’s dying you’re absolutely right, but the men are freaking out because he’s such a sweet little boy and he reminds them of you and they’re too stupid to understand that so go fuck yourself lame if you can’t handle this, this is being an adult, no you’re just sweetie you’re just dying it’s OK you’re talking to ghost anyway.” says Eleanor Roosevelt.
“and you’re a child hostage you’ll be fine once you’re dead your body is just sort of fading him. If you can if you can call me yourself down and try to go to sleep is it hard to sleep?” says Lacey.
“ well, I’m dying mom.” he says to Lacey.
“ yeah well that’s the way the drugs go kiddo.” says Lacey.
He cries.
“ no, do you understand what drugs are do you not yes or no in your spirit sweetie.” says Lacey.
He nods no.
“ did you feel that that was your spirit? That’s what you’re becoming.” says Lacey.
He starts slowing his breath. He’s chilling out.
“ I think I’m almost dead.” he says.
“ yeah see it’s gonna be OK everyone dies do you did you? Do you remember that part right?” says Lacey.
He nods and smiles in his spirit.
“ yeah so what you don’t recall is that I never heard was that drugs can kill you they all are pretty much that they pretty much all Ken if an anabiotic’s probably cut it’s on a certain level so they are all drugs if they’re not taken properly or if you’re take, if you’re given too much or the wrong kind can kill you, so that’s why you’re not supposed to do drugs and yeah, the people that were molesting you were what they did you not give two shits about you to a certain degree sweetie. That’s why you’re dying of a drug overdose.“ says Lacey.
“ am I supposed to be dying?” he asks.
“ oh wow that’s a very big question isn’t it and you know when your dad if you do die but it isn’t just like the stomach flu I thought sometimes kids used to die of the stomach flu in the past and actually some kids could probably even die of it now Um, but yeah, when your dad, you can ask God all the questions you want to ask him yeah because you got a Lotta questions to ask her really pertinent questions of what just happened to me why was I given drugs? What was the whole point and I can answer all those perfectly for you because I didn’t see everything but God saw it all.
Oh, so you will have a really interesting list of questions to ask God and boy that’ll be fun!
But no, you weren’t supposed to die this way sweetie of course not of course not that was definitely not supposed to happen. That being said hum, you’ll probably be better off. This is awful, but you’ll be better off if you die, I’m not saying that you should die him if you’re not dying, but if you are dying, you’ll be better off, you won’t have to be molested by those weirdos ever again you will no longer be a hostage and that’ll be really great.” says Lacey.
“ i’m mad at you!” he says to Lacey.
“ Because I’m not there and I didn’t come save you.” says Lacey.
“Well yeah, mom.” he says.
“ yeah well I had extenuating circumstances so to speak and I am that’s the problem sweetie. I’m not your birth mother and I didn’t have a choice and that matter I’m not your birth mother, your birth, mother, and I will have an interesting conversation. Someday I might throw her off a cliff and cut her head off because I do care about you. You’re not supposed to be dying like this right now.” says Lacey.
“ you know this really isn’t that bad it’s just really weird.” he says.
Lacey laughs.
Elliott smiles and goes to hold him. He goes unconscious.
Once unconscious he relaxes. The worst is finally over. Thank GOD!
“How long will he be in this safe state?” asks Lacey.
“He’s dead!” says Elliott.
“What was it like talking to him?” asks Lacey.
“It was Hellish.” says Elliott, calming down.
“Was it any worse than what I experienced?” asks Lacey.
“ oh kiss, he’s dead I mean if I am here and I’m seeing him yeah he’s dead him and I would know him there are some kids maybe who might not be who you were also talking to but yeah there’s a little boy who’s dead and I have a hard time being excited for him. You’re thrilled. You’re looking forward to his eternity. You’re ecstatic that he is dead but I was never molested the way that you were Lacey so I don’t know what that’s like and neither does Louis so we’re just not understanding entirely. Why you’re excited that he’s dead but we know you and we know that there’s a reason that you’re excited and to be honest he’s really happy if he’s dead he’s he’s very happy he’s having a really nice time at this point and that nothing no not in a bad way he’s he’s having a lot of fun so for him dying in a closet in March 2024 was a very weird and do a hellish life and now he’s in heaven and it’s him. It’s not what he was expecting but OK.” says Elliott.
A dead English aristocrat laughs.
“ well, I think I think to celebrate Cillian Murphy’s win him getting out of that situation and being dead is not a bad thing.” says Jada.
“ Jada you decided to let him die didn’t you?” says Bobby, accusingly.
“ is someone really going to kill Bobby or is that just wishful thinking?” says an irate Dutch reader.
Later.
“ I might have killed that little boy. He was miserable. His family was not coming to find him. He was sold into slavery, and I knew that so I decided to just let him die today because he’s far happier here with me and Evan when he was on earth, being tormented, or not being allowed to be a human or a child, which is the same thing in his case because he was a child, so it’s very possible that somewhere in Ireland and some flat somewhere there’s a little boy who is dead in a closet.” says God.
“ I don’t think gods angry. I think he’s telling you because he’s a good guy that’s got the Bible he’s never evil I think he’s trying to reassure you that was a positive thing and you guys need to sort of lighten up in a good way.” says Jada.
“ did he use Joe Kennedy Senior to kill him?” asks Bobby.
“ you just thought you were channeling Jack or Jack Junior, or Jack’s other son, Patrick to say what you wanted them to say Bobby.” says God.
“ yeah I kept telling Lacey that it was Patrick or Jack saying it because Jackson in hell I know I’m God not you see you say your God but I know you’re not.” says Bobby.
Keen to Cross the Pond 