“Nesheim Oil” by Skippy Handelman.

Do any of you look this old money?

“No!!” yells a 17,000+ follower perfume collector.

So then why are you confused?

“Is that her cousin?” asks a Swiss woman.

“Yes!” says the CIA.

“How much of that is inherited?” asks a reader.

“We cannot disclose that.” says the CIA.

“So Lacey’s not aware of who’s richest? In her family. And she didn’t understand her own background?” asks Jan.

“Yes!” says the CIA.

“She told me a lot of rubbish.” says Jan.

“Me too.” says a hair stylist.

“I hate hair stylists.” says Paula, Lacey’s $3 million net worth elderly cousin.

“Why?” asks a Schweitzer.

“Because they’re delusional!” says Paula.

“I make $140,000 a year!” yells one in Seattle. “In a good year. But still.”

“Yay! I almost married $30 million in high society inherited wealth. You’re not impressive to me. At all.” says Paula. “So you take it out on my hair. Every time.”

“You have good hair.” says Casi.

“Yeah. And then they ruin it.” says Paula.

“So you all get covered in the news easily?” says Casi.

“Yes!” says Eric Nesheim.

So…how are these people peasant nobodies?

“Because they don’t have our star power!” says a famous singer.

“Yeah. But why is that what makes one truly powerful?” asks the CIA.

“Because we have the Illuminati?” they scoff.

“But…that’s just a coven.” says Dennis Nesheim.

Like It Or Not by Bob Moses plays.

“Yes.” says a star from the 1970’s.

“So…that’s cheating.” says a reader. “Or they can go make their own specific spiritual club.”

“We have.” says Queen Mary of Scots. “And you’re all getting your asses whopped.”

“You’re not that powerful.” says God to Satan.

“So…what’s your power over them then?” asks a reader of the Illuminati.

“We have fame!” says an actress.

“Yeah. And more current money to spend.” says Paula.

“Why does fame matter?” asks Lacey.

“Because we can reach more people.” says an actress.

“If necessary? But in reality what can you all say about me? Openly? If necessary? Strategically speaking…how is fame useful?” says Lacey.

“Before God intervenes we can harness energy.” says a famous actor.

“But then what? After God acts?” says Lacey.

“We could start a civil war in the US.” says another actor.

“Yeah. But then what? I could start literally killing you. And I would.” says Lacey. “I’m not pretty in a fight. Even if I fight pretty. And I’ve strategically planned several war scenarios in my head subconsciously my whole life possibly.”

“Yup. And we’re on it!” says DFM.

“She has your hands completely tied. You’re dead in the water.” says Ancient Egypt. “Whether she’s Scota or Lacey Banks.”

“Where do you not get it? Lem wasn’t gay.” says Sweden.

Greta Thunberg laughs.

“Okay. Fine. Why does that matter?” asks Poland.

“Because that’s the hinge. That’s where you all lost power. Years ago! With the use of his narrative in the late 1990’s.

Look…people weren’t sold on him being gay. That’s fact. And they still aren’t. And it has nothing to do with Gay Rights and repression. It’s because he wasn’t gay. He was likely an usually confused straight man. Truly straight. Not fake straight. No. Truly straight.

So…see…when someone started using his story as political propaganda or capital…you created this problem. Why? Because…it’s too damn fucked-up.” says a Swede.

“Really though?” asks Tucker Carlson.

He thinks. “Yeah! It’s a turning point.

Why?

Why more than others?

Because he’s too handsome.” says the Swede.

“Handsome.” says Tucker Carlson.

“Yes!!

If they were an ordinary family it wouldn’t matter. But they made their fame through appearing good-looking even if they actually weren’t in reality off-camera.” says the Swede. “So with clothes on that were carefully tailored they looked great. But they looked awful naked. All of them. I’ve looked. Yuck!

But…they photoshopped themselves in a way. And people fell in love with them.

But Lem was taller and not native. He was an invasive species, in a sense.” says the Swede. “Except unlike invasive species in nature who are invited in by humans…these animals invited their own invasive species into their home. And…by focusing on him…they made him more invasive. And then Lacey emerged. And now they’re dying off.”

“How did you all not realize how dumb you were?” asks a Mexican of the Kennedys.

Nancy laughs.

“I wanted to feel superior.” says JFK.

“But then you brought his energy into your home.” says a Norwegian reader.

“So?” says JFK in his subconscious in 1938.

“So…he’s not safe!!” yells the Norwegian.

And dozens of Norwegians proceed to yell at him for decades. Probably through the Holy Ghost. He vaguely hears them. But he’s not affected almost at all.

“So other than money to spend right now…we have nothing on you.” says the Illuminati to Lacey.

“Yes! And then it’s a question of what you plan to do with your money.” says Lacey.

“There’s almost nothing we can do.” says the Illuminati.

“Not true!!” says Lacey. “A few years ago you cousin have hired a male prostitute to woo me and be convincingly in love with me. And then throw me off by making me happy. But it’s too late now…and honestly…that’s a stretch anyway.

You could also…have bought me random followers. And confused me.

Or bought me random gifts and scared me.” says Lacey.

“When did those ideas expire?” asks a woman in the Illuminati.

“Four years ago? Two or three years ago.” says Lacey.

“Yeah. So you all should have done that.” says a Swede. “Oh well!!”

“What do we have left?” asks Bobby.

“Nothing.

You’ve gone too far with this Lem thing. So now…all you can do is just back off. And co-exist with her. And hope nothing goes horribly wrong in her life.” says the Swede.

“What if something does?” asks Dr. Moritz.

“Then it’s possible she might die and we’re toast.” says the Swede.

“Why did you guys think it made sense to try to remodel your brand?” a woman asks the living Kennedys. “You hit a power line.”

“We really just wanted to keep up to date.” says a living Kennedy.

“Weren’t there other gay men?” asks a German.

“Yeah.” says Bobby, suspiciously.

“So why Lem?!?” asks Germany.

“Because he’s in love with Lem. And they all were.

Red is too ugly. And he was married.” says a Brazilian.

“Yeah. And Lem seemed logical.” says Peru.

“Too bad. I don’t think he was gay.” says Brazil.

“Why can’t we accept that?” asks Chris Hayes.

“Because you’re too damn stubborn.” says ISIS.

“We don’t like the idea.” says a perfume collector.

“Because it makes her better than you. Because if he could act that well…she might be superior to all of you.” says the CIA.

“Yah. That’s part of it.” says the Swede.

“You just all don’t want to be wrong.” says Norway.

“So I was set up!” says Chris Hayes. “Wow! This is a prescient blog.”

“Who set you up?” asks MSNBC.

“The Liberal Establishment. The DNC. I’m sorry. …The Kennedys.” says Chris.

“The Liberal Establishment starting when?” asks the Swede.

“I’d say…starting in the 1960’s post Kennedy.” says Chris.

“What happened?” asks FDR.

“You became a church-state. You took over individualism in the Democratic Party and made it operate on groupthink instead. And then the Republicans sieged individualism and corrupted it. Actually, they probably already were corrupt.” says Chris. “We have no recourse but to rely on groupthink and hope we all care enough about the right things in the right way.”

“So we’re stuck with this now? Because you got set up?” yells a billionaire.

“It wasn’t a problem while Elizabeth was alive!” yells Putin.

“Well! She’s dead now.” says a BBC journalist.

“You guys…why don’t you just kill Bobby?” asks a reader.

“We aren’t able to.” says the Illuminati.

“Can you kill anyone responsible but Diego?” asks a reader.

“No.” says the Illuminati.

“Can you kill Lacey and her family?” asks a reader.

“Not easily. And then it’s the end of the world.” says the Illuminati.

“So there’s nobody left to kill.” says a reader.

“No. We could kill more people. But it hasn’t worked so far.” says the Illuminati.

“Why not kill everyone?” asks one really depressed reader.

“They’ll get around to it eventually!” jokes an Irishman. “They just need another bevy.”

“Are they hoping it will clear itself up?” asks a reader.

“Possibly.” says the Irishman.

“Can we help them?” asks a reader.

“By doing what!?!” he says.

“Yeah. We can’t kill people. But…then what?” asks a reader.

“Pray. Good thoughts. Stuff like that.” says the Irishman.

“You guys. This is weird.” says a reader.

“We were just trying to modernize!” says a Kennedy.