“Sickos” by Skippy Handelman

Lacey tries to walk away from writing on this blog and more towards editing it, but she’s constantly attacked.

Take Me to Church by Hozier plays.

If there’s an Illuminati this is no joke. Grow-up assholes.

Yes. Lem’s gay look resembles Andy Tauer, who obviously proudly gay. But that’s just it, it’s a gay look. And Andy Tauer looks genuinely gay. Lem did not.

“Yes. I look gay.” says Andy Tauer.

“Yes. So why is there a problem?” says Lem.

“Because that makes you gay too.” says Andy Tauer.

“How?” asks Lem.

“How can you make a look that convincing without it being real?” asks the Illuminati.

“I’m a good impersonator. That’s a very gay look. It’s been around for over a hundred years. There’s a reason it’s so clearly gay.” says Lem.

“But how can you make that look without it common from within?” asks Andy Tauer.

“I saw it.” says Lem. “I didn’t start making that look until I was in my 30’s.”

“He made very dicey gay looks most of his life. But they seem convincing to you. I guess?” says Red Fay.

“So that was one of the better ones?” says Andy Tauer.

“Duh!!” says Red Fay.

“Where did you see it?” says Andy Tauer.

Lem thinks. “Yeah. My look changes wildly over the years in my face. There’s no natural development of one authentic gay personality.

I saw the look you’re making here:

on a male model in a clothing catalog. In the 1950’s. I instantly knew it was a homosexual thing. And I imitated it in several photos to experiment and it looked good. I wasn’t really gay though…so it never looked entirely convincing. No. I just imitated the…attitudes and mannerisms of gay men I met and saw in various places.” says Lem.

Why are you all so fucking stuck on this?

Meanwhile Lacey’s being preached to by Muslims with a sense of humor.

Why the hell do you all assume Jesus looks more holy here? He doesn’t. He looks like a weak, passive jackass.

“Oh! So Lacey’s a lesbian!!!” says a gay man, excited.

“No. She’s a saint. And you’re a loser.” says Skippy. “Why the fuck do you not get it!?”

“I’m just never sold on her whole thing. Consciously or subconsciously.” says Andy Tauer.

“Why?” asks Lem. “You impersonate me! Don’t you?”

“You know…I look like both of you too. And I’m not gay. I think you’re making huge assumptions.” says Dr. Moritz. “I could make the same hyper masculine look with my eyes. And it’s…sexy…but it’s gay…mostly.”

“Yeah. It’s a common gay look.” admits Andy Tauer.

“So why am I not making it here:

I look so straight in that photo.

My shoes look slightly gay but otherwise I seem very straight. Almost embarrassingly so.” says Lem. “And again, Jack is the one pressing up against me. As per usual.”

“Embarrassingly so?” says Andy Tauer.

“I was a sweaty mess. A sweaty, stinky mess. If Lacey has been there I’d have been…embarrassed.

Actually Jack is sexually assaulting me in this photo. It’s written all over my body language. And his.”