Fall In Love by Phantogram plays.
Dark.
And then the flicker of firelight. On a school night.
Silence.
Jack Kennedy sees Lem Billings at Choate for the first time.
Lem is tall, silly, laughing. He’s a jolly young man. He jokes around with another student who’s often mean to Jack.
Jack is instantly impressed with Lem.
“Is he handsome?” Jack wonders to himself about Lem.
He studies Lem’s handsome face. His daring curls. Then he looks through Lem’s glasses and sees Lem’s handsome blue eyes. Yes, Lem actually does resemble Skippy Handelman. He also looks a bit like Sebastian from Cruel Intentions. But he’s jolly and innocent like Skippy.
Jack feels desire for Lem. But…he’s also…filled with deep hatred. Why? Because Lem is straight. Jack would have hated Skippy Handelman too.
Why? Why does JFK hate those men?
The Moment by Tame Impala plays.
He watches Lem and eyes Lem’s arms. His body is made for work. For protecting a woman and his offspring. It makes Jack feel insignificant, insecure and vulnerable. It reminds him of his failing body. It reminds him of his failing mind. It reminds him of being everything he hates about himself.
Jack feels incredibly disadvantaged. Jack feels like a victim. A real victim. And he resents that. He really resents that.
He HATES Lem.
Jack thinks of the snobby, Episcopalian, old money pretty girl he images Lem will get someday. In bed. Adoring him. Because why wouldn’t she? Unlike his father…Lem is likely to be faithful. Men with glasses and his look…are always family men. If they’re not gay. They’re not just dickheads like his dad and brothers. Like him.
But damn. Those girls are pretty.
Just like Frank McCourt literally told Lacey’s crowd in 2009. In Harrisburg, PA. They had such pretty skin.
Shoot. Those are the hot girls. The ones him and his family struggled to keep. The thing they couldn’t have. The girls who, “Knew better than to trust them.”
And they’d be all over Lem in a year or two. And damn…how annoying was that!?
Time to ruin a perfectly good human specimen. With a little madness.
Jack Fitzgerald Kennedy laughs to himself. A malignant, Irish, evil hearted fool. The Irish part feels relatable to Lacey, for some reason.
And of course…Lacey is Lem’s twin flame. But Jack doesn’t know that. And…maybe it would have mattered to Jack or maybe it wouldn’t have. But what if it did? Satan knew, possibly all of that, either way. But Satan is Satan.
And at that moment Jack decided to ruin Lem’s life using Lem’s confessions of confusion about his sexuality to other boys at Choate. Jack knew Lem was straight. Or did. Until he got lost in his own lies and Lem’s genuine confusion.
“Hi! I’m Jack Kennedy!” Jack said, grinning brightly. His face lit up like fire.
Lem pushes his glasses up his nose. Thinks. “Oh. Hi.” he says quietly.
And within months the shorter, more moody, fiery one, Jack Kennedy, controls his guilt and says something like, “Lem. If you don’t drop this business…I’ll never speak to you again!
Drop it!
Come on man…chill out.
I’m not that kind of boy. Alright?” And then Jack laughs.
“Jack. I can’t think why we shouldn’t be in a relationship? That’s what it means to be homosexual. It’s not that big of a deal.” says Lem, essentially.
“Okay. Listen…I support you. Right?” says Jack. They’d talked about it for hours. “But…we can’t be in a relationship.”
“Fine! But that’s what we’re doing. And I’d like to make it more…proper.” says Lem, in fear.
“Lem. I just play around at it. For laughs. To ease my tension. I’m not like you. I’m just…not.” says JFK. He shrugs.
“Yeah. Okay.
Gee.
But Jack…you keep making me touch you…and…if I was a girl I’d be hurt.” says Lem.
Jack suddenly looks worried. He tosses a football between his hands in intense thought.
“Lemmers…my friend…it’s like this: You aren’t a girl.” says JFK like he’s disseminating profound truth. “You don’t have to care. Girls do, partially because they get pregnant. But you don’t have to. That’s the beauty of it.”
Lem thinks. Considers what Jack is saying, honestly. He starts to worry it’s nonsense and Jack can sense that.
“Lem! Don’t get confused. I’m not going to marry you.
I’m just going to let us…feel…alive.” says Jack, in glee. He laughs feeling higher than a kite.
Spitting Off the Edge of the World by Yeah Yeah Yeahs plays.
Lem is scared. He pushes his glasses up his nose. Laughs to control his fear.
Jack thinks. “Lem…let’s go get smokes and stare at the stars.”
“And do what!? Make-out!?” scoffs Lem.
Jack is hurt. Hides it. Controls himself. His high is ruined.
“No. You fool!” says Jack, scoffing back at him.
“Yeah. It’s not like one of us is a girl.” says Lem, laughing.
Jack looks confused.
“That’s not what I mean!
I’ve been furious with you. But it’s just because you keep bothering me. Look…when I made you get me to cum…it was out of necessity. And your crass, selfish insistence otherwise was what really irked me.” says Jack. “I’m not like you. Don’t keep harassing me about it. You’re not…incapable of having sex with a woman…but I support you in your homosexual choices.”
“Jack. I’m just…sick.” says Lem.
“Yeah. And if you tried sex with a woman you’d possibly cure yourself!” says JFK, knowing full well Lem’s moral values.
“It’s not that- Jack. No.” says Lem.
“Lem. Just tell me you’ll never bother me with this bullshit ever again.” says Jack.
Lem looks disturbed and scared. And breathless. Miserable.
“Listen. I support you! And don’t ever forget that.
We all get tense!” says Jack.
“Yeah.” says Lem.
“We should fuck a prostitute together!” says Jack.
“Yeah, I don’t know. Come on.” says Lem.
“Look…it’ll teach ya!” says Jack, laughing. “I’m lucky to be so experienced. Women love me.”
“Yeah. They do.” says Lem, sadly but hiding it.
“Just let me get off and I’ll get off your back every time. That’s all I need from you.” says Jack.
“Jack. You know that’s not true.
You’ve cried when I’ve told you no. And I know you weren’t in pain. I have a dick too, remember!” says Lem.
Jack laughs. “You want me to be like you. And I’m just not.”
“Then why did you cry!?” asks Lem.
Jack thinks. “Lem…I’m sorry. It’s like this. I’m a lot smarter than you. You and I figured that out the first night we talked. Right?”
“Yeah. We kinda did.” says Lem.
Tighten Up by The Black Keys plays.
“So…when I cried…it was just psychological tensions. Due to my extreme brilliance. The intelligence I inherited from my father. Remember?” says JFK.
“Oh yeah. Sure.” says Lem, confused, slouching.
“You can’t just do that to me.” says JFK. “I’m too tense to manage it, and I’m bound to be a mess.”
“Alright.” says Lem. “Let’s drop it, Jack. Let’s just drop it.”
Jack temporarily drops it until he insults Lem intentionally but in an act of innocence so perfect it’s virtually undetectable. He writes a flirtatious, innuendo ridden note to Lem at the end of the school year.
“Jack you dumbass. Fuck you!” jokes Lem in person in response, after reading Jack’s message.
“Hey! That’s not the idea.” says Jack, like he’s being deeply misunderstood and kindly joking about it in admirable good humor.
“See you next year.” says Lem.
“See you sooner than that!” says JFK.
“Yeah.” says Lem, smiling.
“Say! You really are my pal.” says JFK very sincerely and very seriously. “You’ve been…just about the best friend anyone could ever ask for. Why…I’d have died without you!”
“Jack. It’s just good I was there.” says Lem.
“Boy, Lemmers. You’re a hero.” says Jack, in admiration.
Spitting Off the Edge of the World by Yeah Yeah Yeahs plays.
“Why does he love me?” Lem asks a fellow soldier in World War II.
“I don’t know. But if I was you…I’d make a clean break of it.” says the fellow soldier.
And so he tries. But it’s unsuccessful.
“LEM!” says Jack, like he’s possesse
Lem’s heart sinks. He smiles. “Jack!” he says, depressed.
Ten years later:
“Why do you keep putting up with that buzzard? It’s like he thinks he owns you?” asks a man who works with Lem.
“Aww! It’s not so bad.
He’s kinda swell sometimes.
I figure it’s like this: I ain’t got no chance of being able to marry. I’m a dirty faggot, you know? So…the bests I can do…is ahh…well…try to be his helpmate. Then I’m not a complete waste as a man. At least.” says Lem.
November 22nd, 1963.
Did Lem help the CIA end the purchased Kennedy election? Or did he cry when he felt that his only purpose in living was taken from him? I don’t know. I can’t tell.
I, Lacey, who’s writing this can ascertain that he was seemingly straight. I can’t tell what he’s saying when it comes to November 22nd, 1963.
“What if you’re Jack!?” says a reader.
“I’m not. But…I don’t know what the point would have even been in reincarnating as me.
I can’t stand Jack Kennedy. But…I’m not sure I would care if I was him. I’d beat myself to a bloody pulp in Hell if he did these things to Lem, and I was him. I’d disown the children I created as him to spare them. And if God cares about me I’d beg Him to never let me be born a male or be a male for all of eternity.
I’m not a man. I’m just not. And I’m a straight woman. End of story.
If I wasn’t that atrocious to Lem I’d still refuse to be JFK. I can’t stand him. I think he’s a terrible person to have be. EWW!
So gross!
EWW!
I care about him. As a fellow human. But I’m not him. Insisting I am is like putting me through Hell.
And…so…if I died and found out I was him…I’d be…responsible about it but not…anything more. And I’d be baffled by what I’ve experienced with Lem, as me.” says Lacey.
“No. Lacey’s not Jack.” says Lem. “Why do you all get so stuck on that?”
“Because it’s more fun than the truth.” says a reader.
“I’m not!” says another reader.
“Then why is she?” asks Lem.
“Because she’s evil. Or foolish. Or ignorant. Or brainwashed. Something like that.” says the other reader.
“Well…I’ll just keep spitting off the edge of the spinning world, then.” says a child hostage. “And even in my rage at God…I’ll glory Him.”
“Did I help cause their misery?” Jack asks God.
Keen to Cross the Pond 