“Demons” by Lem Billings

The Illuminati is lead around by demons.

“That’s annoying!!” says JP, about something else.

“What’s annoying!?” asks JD Rockefeller.

“BECCA!!” yells JP.

JD stares at him.

“Why!?” asks Chris Hayes, in an empathetic way.

The Line by Mood Rings plays.

“I ATE THE APPLE!!” yells a gay 1980’s musician. He calls himself Johnny Danger. “I ALREADY ATE THAT APPLE! Did it done!” he yells at all women.

“No. Eve at the apple.” says God.

“But- NO! I. ATE THE APPLE!” yells Johnny Danger.

“No. You aren’t Eve!” says a dead woman.

“How the fuck do you know!??” he yells indignantly.

“Because you weren’t a man back then!” yells a dead woman.

“I was never a woman!” he says indignantly.

“Then how did you eat the apple?” asks a psychic.

“Why isn’t it theoretically possible?! You people are intellectual snobs!” he says.

“Ha! That’s funny.” says Chris, thinking it’s a joke.

“No! Man…you’re a real snob.” says Johnny Danger.

Chris looks offended.

The song plays.

And in the background Becca dances in her living room to “exercise.” To a 1980’s song.

“What!? She exercising!” says JFK. “CHILL OUT!!”

“Where’s your boyfriend?” Israel asks JFK, in the past.

Moments later.

“Jack what you smiling about?” asks Africa.

“What!?” says Jack.

“Jack were you in love when you took those photos?” asks Africa.

Later.

“I felt awkward, and repulsed…but I was confused. So my typical response was to just try to have as much fun as possible.” says Lem.

“What were you feeling Jack?” asks Africa.

Becca cracks-up laughing in her loud giggle that comes out through her nose and the back of her throat. It’s joyful. Hopefully at least somewhat joyful in the Lord.

The Line by Mood Rings plays.

“Why you laugh like that, Becca?” asks JFK.

She slaps him.

He gets aroused and angry.

“He’s aroused by Lem. Lem Billings.” says Becca.

And at that Jack cries.

“But I worry it’s also me.” she says, bravely.

And so Jack cries again.

“Jack!? Did you take these photos to prepare for you trip to Germany?” asks Becca.

“Yeah.” he says.

“Hat Ihnen Ihr Beauch in Deutschland gefallen?” asks Becca.

He closes his eyes and breathes deeply.

“Here’s Becca.” he admits:

“That looks like you, Jack!” says Lacey.

“It is me!!!” says JFK, laughing. “TRICKED YOU!!”

“SHE’S PRETTY!!” says JFK.

“Becca! Don’t hurt me!” says a gay man.

Becca giggles.

People think.

“Why does she lie?” asks Africa.

“Is she lying? I feel like we have a good marriage.” says Becca’s husband.

“Lacey. Do you know?” asks Woody Allen.

“I have…very little idea.” says Lacey.

“Lacey. She looks like a bisexual.” says Sarah Jessica Parker.

“Does she?” asks Lacey.

Sarah laughs.

“What?” asks Lacey.

Sarah laughs.

“What?” says Lacey.

“Lacey. She’s a bisexual.” says Sarah Ramirez.

“No, she’s not.” says Lacey.

Sarah stares at her.

“No. You can’t tell just based on haircuts and clothing!” says Lacey.

Sarah laughs.

“I can’t read women. I can only sexually read men.” says Lacey.

“I know.” says Sarah.

“Well! I didn’t know I’d need to.” says Lacey.

Sarah looks confused. “That’s stupid.”

“Is it!? I wonder why. I might have some explanation. I’m rarely stupid.” says Lacey. “But we’ll see.”

“So you’re not attracted to women at all!?” says Woody Allen to Lacey.

“NO! I’ve told you all that repeatedly.” says Lacey. “I’d be repulsed by your stubborn stupidity but I’m beyond that.”

“So maybe Lem was bisexual or straight!” says the GOP, also annoyed by American Liberal denial.

“We don’t like your style.” says Woody Allen.

“No. You’re just bad at admitting you’re all wrong too sometimes.” says Lacey. “At least.”

“What the fuck is going on between those two?” says a Jewish man.

“I have no idea.” says Lacey.

Woody Allen nods.

“Is it possible!?” says Lacey.

“How would it be different than you?” asks another Jewish man.

Lacey thinks. “Because…I don’t have a choice. Possibly.”

“Yeah. Guys alive found her attractive.” says a Gen. X woman.

“Yes.” says Lacey. “How sick.”

“But she can’t help it!” says Sarah.

Lacey looks at Sarah. Then Lacey rolls her eyes. “But she has a choice.”

Sarah bites her bottom lip.

“Well you had a choice too. When we weren’t all dead.” says Woody Allen.

“Yeah! I could have married Michael Rockefeller!” says Lacey.

Woody Allen laughs.

“It’s not that he’s not handsome. It’s just…vile.” says Lacey.

“We find you attractive!” says a Millennial man to Lacey.

“Yes. But it’s different. …Those men can actually…see me…or something. It feels like they know how to see me. It’s hard to explain. But it’s a noticeable difference.” says Lacey.

“What does it feel like we’re doing?” asks a Millennial woman to Lacey.

“Squinting.” says Lacey.

“Lem is handsome.” says an 80 year old man.

“He’s-“ says Lacey.

Nothin’ by N. O. R. E. plays.

“We’re not Egyptian.” says Africa. “Get the fuck over it.

Okay!?

And lest you bring up African geography…yes. I know that. She know that.” says Africa.

“Amen?” says Lacey.

“Are you offended?” asks Becca’s husband.

“For you?” says Lacey. “YES!!!” she howls.

“It’s okay.” says her husband.

“HOW!?” says Lacey.

React by Erick Sermon plays.

“Yeah. Do I gotta go ape?” says Lacey. “SHIT!”

“I agree. Why you in our hood!?” yells an Egyptian pharaoh at JFK.

“But Lem!! He is in Africa!! And Egypt.” says JFK.

“That’s different. I’m sorry.” says Lacey.

“YOU IRISH OPPRESSORS!!” yells JFK at Lacey.

“Why!?” asks Becca softly of everyone, acting very confused.

Lacey sends (asks God to send) Heavenly warriors to guard the perimeter of Africa. Astoundingly big warring angels. Then she scatters them strategically all over Africa.

They may stay there for a while. It’s up to God.

“Becca why were you…and Jack…hiding your relationship!?” asks the LGBTQ+ community.

“She may not have consciously known.” says JFK.

“Then she’s possibly in…agreement with you.” says the LGBTQ+ community.

Becca acts confused.

“Becca are you scared of hurting your husband?” asks the CIA.

“NO!!” she screams. And at that she starts spiritually convulsing. She spiritually lays on the ground and looks to be having a spiritual seizure. On her grandma’s kitchen floor in her grandmother’s house in Haddonfield, New Jersey. Out of time.

What’s The Difference by Dr. Dre plays.

“Becca…are you German?” asks a Satanist (Sadly. Because a Christian should be asking it.). “Or are you Constantine’s wife?”

“Oh. The one who betrayed him!?” she scoffs.

“What!? She is sexy!!” says JFK.

“Not like Lacey.” says Africa.

“Okay. Who cares!?” says JFK.

“Yes!! If reincarnation is true. I don’t hate Lacey. …But…Jack doesn’t understand that.” says Becca.

“Yeah. She Fausta.” says Africa. “If reincarnation is real Becca is Fausta reincarnated.”

“So…Fausta and Scota were roommates?!!” scoffs Germany. “Okay.” They roll their eyes. “If reincarnation is in the Bible…that’s plausible. But…why is it…on a fucking blog!?!”

“I’m jealous of her. But I don’t hate her.

She’s a dear.

Do you know that for my birthday she gave me the cutest Kate Spade earrings? They were actually my style. She’s so fun.

We had fun!

But no. Constantine and I had nothing compared to her and Lem. And…my marriage to him was really a fake. But…I was still jealous of her, if I’m Fausta reincarnated. So Jack talked me into coming back to mock her.

Or Jack and I are just soulmates. And I’m still jealous of her. And I hate her, somewhat.

It’s possible I didn’t understand that she started Scotland. Scotland? Yeah okay? I didn’t look into it. If I’m Fausta I just didn’t look into it.” says Becca. She shrugs.

“SHE…IS…SEX!!!” says JFK to everyone about Becca.

Gold Digger by Kayne West plays.

“Lacey gives good gifts.” says Lem.

“I do.” says Lacey. “I’m very gaudy. But…it’s my soul. One way or another.”

“But those earrings were timeless.” says a woman.

“Yes! I have impeccable tastes. But I’m gaudy.” says Lacey.

“They looked about like that.” says Becca.

“Yes. Apparently that’s an extravagant gift for a female friend to give.” says Michael Rockefeller. “Lacey…is…thoughtful.”

“Well! You’re supposed to be!” says Lacey.

“You’re right! You are supposed to be but people don’t actually do it Lacey.” says Africa.

“I can’t keep track of that all! That’s OBNOXIOUS!” says Lacey. “Why don’t you all just say what just say what you mean?! You’re EXHAUSTING.”

“I hear you.” says Great Britain.

“They’re such peasants!” says Lacey.

“But that’s just how we are.” says Eminem.

“It’s ANNOYING.” says Lacey.

He laughs.

“What would you have given her if you hadn’t been indoctrinated?” asks Ancient Egypt.

Lacey thinks. “Pizza. …I would have ordered her a pizza.” says Lacey.

“Why!?” asks MSNBC.

“She likes pizza.” says Lacey.

“I do.” says Becca.

“That just seems more appropriate.” says Lacey.

“Why?” asks Westminster.

“I’m not attracted to her. But she’s very sensual. So…there’s the cheese. Isn’t the melting shit arousing to you all? And let her!

She’s chubby. She looks like she grew-up in Wisconsin and is chubby in the 1960’s because she eats a lot of cheese. And it’s…supposedly sexy? I have no idea. I’m genuinely straight. But supposedly it’s sexy.

Whatever.

So…she likes cheese. And I…think pizza is fun. Isn’t it? Aren’t you all into pizza? Don’t shout at me.” says Lacey.

“What else?” asks Westminster.

Lacey thinks. “Berries. Fresh berries! …A hat!” says Lacey. “A sun hat?”

“I had her executed.” says Lem. “I had Fausta executed.” He thinks. “If I’m reincarnated. I’m not into Fausta. It was a shit marriage that I had with Fausta.” He thinks. “I’m not into Fausta even if I’m not reincarnated.”

Jack looks hurt. “I choose evil.” he says. “Yeah. I choose evil!!”

“Becca…why did you…lie about Jack?” asks the LBGTQ+ community.

“I’m not with Jack.” says Becca, acting hurt.

Jack grins. He laughs.

“Jack you’re not my son!” says Becca.

“Oh wow. You hot!” says JFK. He fans himself.

“Jack she’s not your mom.” says Lem.

“No. She is!!!” says Jack.

“How!?” asks Lem. “Because of Lacey and Joe.”

“We’re operating under God’s grace.” says Becca.

“Am I in love with you?” asks Jack of Becca.

“AHH. How much money do you give me?” asks Becca.

“I LOVE YOU!” says JFK.

“NO. How much!?” asks Becca. She laughs.

Jack thinks. “Ten million!”

“For a month.” says Becca.

“You that good?” asks JFK.

But she’s gone.

“She IRRITATES ME!” he says. He smacks his head into a table. He stands-up and considers cutting off his hands.

He stands over the kitchen sink holding a knife with the water running. He waits.

“When is she coming back?” he says.

“She isn’t.” says a random observer.

“DAMMIT!!” he yells, stabbing a counter.

He cries. Then he grabs a gun and shaking he goes after her. “Scotia! SCOTIA!” he yells.

She doesn’t hear him as she upstairs listening to The Sound of Settling by Death Cab For Cutie and she’s not Scotia.

He walks in to her room. Throws herself on her bed. Throws the gun in the hall.

Then he cries. The room begins to spin. Fast. And he’s made to vomit.

Becca cuts him up and puts him in her soul.

He smiles.

“See! I knew you loved me.” says JFK to Becca.

Becca thinks. “Jack. You are my soulmate. This makes me actually happy.”

“We are so good together!” says JFK.

And so they go on a date at the Philadelphia Museum of Art.

The song plays.

Everybody Wants To Rule The World by Tears For Fears plays as Becca stands in a 1960’s shift dress with her Twiggy hair…Roger Vivier low heels and no jewelry, except for a Cartier metal tank from the 1990’s and pearl studs.

Jack walks in wearing (oddly) a 1980’s suit, carrying a bouquet of tulips. One hand in his pocket. He struts in. She sees him and smiles.

He walks up to her and hands her the flowers. They walk off together, smiling. For their date. He’s not in pieces anymore.

“He’s no Peter Lorre. I used to have a crush on Peter Lorre. But he’s…JFK.” admits Becca.