“No Big Deal” by Lem Billings

(May 23rd, 2024)

Lacey looks at Shell. “I’m worried about you. You’re important. …What happened in Nigeria looks bad. As in, it seems fairly awful. …Good grief! What happened!??” she says.

Someone in Shell in the afterlife cries. Like a child. Cups their hands over their mouth.

“I’m incredibly worried.” says Lacey.

“What happens if we fall apart?” they say to Lacey.

“Something tells me that someone worse…will take things far more dark. Make you all seem weak, or morally superior. Why? Because things are getting bloody.” says Lacey.

Open Spaces by Jonny Greenwood plays.

“What did we do!?” says Shell.

“You were good.” says Lacey. “You gave a shit.”

“Ahh! No!!!

We cut her off!” says Sir Mackenzie.

“I know. It’s sick.” says Lacey.

The CEO laughs. “A British man had a heart attack. Because of us.” he says.

“Oh! No! That’s not true!

Don’t tell them that!!!” says Lacey, also angry.

The CEO of Shell laughs.

“Yeah! Okay!” says Nigeria.

“It’s ALWAYS like this.

Coal miners died. Their lungs…were black.

Children have regularly had their fingers cut off. Sewing.” says Lacey. “For hundreds of years. …It’s not wrong to protest. It’s GOOD. …But I’m EXHAUSTED by people who don’t understand that their speech or their actions aren’t going to FINALLY fix EVERYTHING…forever. *she rolls her eyes* Come on!

…It’s the fallen world. It’s the price of being a society. It’s HELL. But…Hell…is real…and far worse than anything you’d experience on Earth.

*Prospectors Arrive by Jonny Greenwood plays.*

I’m quite mad at Shell. Of course they’ll be punished. That’s appropriate. …But…who…and what happens next? Oftentimes…not always…but oftentimes…companies like Shell…do what they’re doing for a reason. And…so…those same driving forces that made them do what they did…will just continue.

And now what? Will we be led by better men…who have more wisdom and foresight and prowess or will we be led by men who care…? CARE? Why yes. CARE.

Care about what though? Hmmm.

What was the theme of this year’s Met Gala!? …”Kill the dirty peasants?” And why? Because!!! Because…THEY don’t give a FUCKING SHIT!!! …Right? They’re vain, narcissistic, worthless assholes who’d be better off dead. Wasn’t that the idea? That people like the damn Kennedys are ruining hundreds of years of human effort? With their parasitic nature?

Eat Him By His Own Light plays.

The Kennedys are Dalits. Irish Dalits. Irish Dalits who thanks to the goodness of men like Lem Billings eat away at any chance of democracy and the freedom of humanity. They paved the way for democracy to go from the slavery of Black people to the slavery for sex…OF KIDNAPPED CHILDREN.

Henry Plainview plays.

Argue with that. Argue with that, Nigeria.” says Lacey.

“Lacey! They’re the ones selling kids.” says a Nigerian.

“No! Hold on. They might not be.” says a Nigerian activist.

“Yeah.

The Nesheims don’t. We don’t need to. Oil is oil. Everyone uses it. …And maybe…thank God…not everyone’s hands are dirty.” says Lacey.

“You know African history.” says the Nigerian activist to Lacey.

“Yes. You aren’t stupid people.” says Lacey.

“Okay. Scotia…why!?” says Central Africa.

“Because they’re vile.

I’m not saying Shell won’t pay. But why!?” says Lacey. “I’m sick of Roger Moore logic. I need Shell to explain.”

“Is it the end of the world?” the Nigerian activist asks Lacey.

Oil by Jonny Greenwood plays.

“I hope so. I’m sick of it.” says Lacey.

“We have to say something!!” says another Nigerian activist.

“Yes!! Of course you do. …But…can you care as much…if you won’t save the world? …If there’s no ego involved and it’s just for specific people? And to make a small change that might accumulate over time?” says Lacey.

“You’re talking about a paradigm shift?” she says.

“Yes!!” says Lacey.

“No more Kennedy white saviors.” says Central Africa.

“Yes. Reality. Not hopeless, Hellish nothing.” says Lacey.

“Hard work.” says the Nigerian activist.

“Yes!” says Lacey.

“They really heard me.” she says in ego, proud of herself.

“See. There you go! And it’s all ruined.” says Lacey.

“Yes! And that’s why we silence you. We’re too pissed off to bother.” says Shell. “Look! We had a fucking worldwide pandemic because of social justice warriors. …Our patience with you people is wearing thin.”

“It wasn’t even real!!!! It was a CONSPIRACY!” yells Bobby Kennedy Junior.

The depravity of Bobby’s remark goes over the head of the Nigerian activist. She looks suddenly very dumb.

“Oh okay. Got it.” says a Canadian. She thinks. “Why did you do what you did in Nigeria?” she quizzically asks Shell.

“GDP.” says Shell.

“Who’s GDP?” asks another Canadian.

“Ha! Can’t say. That’s too much information.” says Shell.

“To bolster it.” says the first Canadian.

“Possibly!” says Shell.

“Okay. So it was to cut cost!??” says Michigan.

“Yup.” says Shell. “Essentially.”

“It’s fear.” says China. “Fear of losing control. Fear of losing power. …Very common.”

“Okay! Why…why…why can you people never think of better ways to save money!??” says a reader.

“We’re slow.” admits Shell.

“Is it the way corporations are set up?” asks a third Canadian.

“Yes! But in most cases it effective. …We just do…have this…problem. …Okay? …We…make mistakes. Or…we choose not to care.” they say.

Eros by Nicholas Britell plays.

“Why do you choose not to care?” asks Lacey.

And at that an “evil” British aristocrat eyes Lacey. He’d never betray her like Lem did. And while she’s still with Lem…her pain matters. It matters to Christ. He’s misunderstood even if he’s actually quite decent overall.

“Why?

You’ve heard the DuPont explanation. They hate evil peasants. They hate them.

But…I can’t turn away from the children’s perspectives either. I too worry about the kids. …So what’s my reason? …I tell myself that the long term benefits of the procedure will outweigh the short term effects. And they’re all equally children. Right? So…the children who will benefit are just as much children as the ones who will suffer.” he says.

“It doesn’t work like that though.” says Lacey. “That’s not how evil flows.”

“Yeah. Dammit. Probably not.” says Central Africa.

“Why is this silly woman talking??” says the first Nigerian activist, very bothered.

“Lacey!??” says Central Africa.

The first Nigerian activist looks confused.

“Why are you so vocal!? …Are you a bit of an actress?” asks the second Nigerian actress of the first.

“Yes.” she answers. “Won’t they like that!? I’m cunning. Just like them!”

“Ahh! I’m sure Chris Hayes had very similar thoughts. So did his father-in-law! So…so cunning.” says Matthew Nesheim. “But I find you obnoxious! …My sister is an actress and beauty queen. Miss North Dakota. My wife was a professor. …I wrote a book of questionable quality. *He laughs* …I find you disgusting. …People should actually care.”

“He’s right.” says a powerful man.

“We found you annoying too.” says Shell to the first Nigerian activist.

“Yeah. You don’t think those men fuck?” asks Central Africa.

“They know sex. …They slept with you. In college. And you’re a traitor.” says Central Africa to the first Nigerian activist. “Look…someone needs to say something. But…sadly…we have a quixotic system. We have a foul system. We don’t know each other anymore.

…You were upsetting them. Yes! Good job. …But…they let you talk. …And they let you make fools of them. On camera. WHY?”

“Actually…did they pay you?” says Lacey, quite seriously.

Shell smiles.

“Does it seem like it?” she asks Lacey.

“YES! It’s seemed fishy to me for decades.” says Lacey.

George Bush laughs.

“So…did you pay her?” asks Lacey.

“Why?” asks Shell.

“So people don’t revolt. So people feel loved.” says Lacey.

“WHAT!??” says Bobby, genuinely confused.

On Reflection by Max Richter plays.

“Yeah. Makes sense.” says Israel.

“See…if they’re not sociopaths…they might actually care about other humans. And maybe…they know they’re causing problems. So they put on a show every once and a while…just to sort of…crucify themselves…and give people some sense that they will be happy if they don’t give-up. It’s a sort of noblesse oblige capitalist idea. You put on a show…and let them make fools of you…very publicly…and then take the hit. With the long-term idea of keeping things stable. For the sake of long-term success and profits and happiness for everyone. And…possibly out of…some concern for the lives of others en masse. Like…if people feel like they can strike back…they’ll be happier.” wonders Lacey.

Ghosts by Thomas Newman plays.

“We did mess up?” says Shell.

“I honestly wish…I knew exactly why.” says Lacey.

“Why did you come back?” asks the first Nigerian activist of Lacey, crying. “If you’re reincarnated. Why?”

“I sincerely think it’s because I cared about Africa.” says Lacey.

She shakes her head in frustration.

“ luck. The truth is, if I hadn’t been molested I wouldn’t have thought it was gay, and I may have had some dealings with Africa at some point as a businessman, whether that’s coincidence or because I was reincarnated as an interesting question if it was because I was reincarnated. Obviously it’s not a coincidence. It was something that God would’ve intended to do with my life that’s not what happened I had a fall life I am Lacey was not actually planning on coming back when I started using drugs in the 70s and 60s that was when she would have thought if there’s reincarnation that the whole thing was shot to hell, but it was essentially just gone that there was no way that we were going to be able to make it work because she knew me if there’s reincarnation, and she knew that me using drugs was a horrible sign that her essentially there was no way we were gonna be able to recover that she could do very little without me, sort of leading the way and if I hadn’t been doing drugs, she may have talked with me when I died him and played it and figured out what we what we could do was it safe for her to go back by herself without me or with me even if it’s possible that part of the reason I was targeted if there’s reincarnation was part of some hostility and animosity towards my family in Great Britain and we weren’t we were related to the Spencer, so we weren’t necessarily as powerful as some people but for Lacey to come back with her aristocratical, Scottish ancestry, and the title that they had in the power that they actually had in society, it would have been very dangerous. Her family probably had some of the first rubies literally rubies and gemstones to come out of Africa in their possession, or was it at India or something but they had very rare gemstones in their family at one point in the 17 or 1800s and they were wealthy but they weren’t as wealthy as having families but now they had quite a history and it’s very possible that we were afraid that if she came back, she would be targeted far more intensely than I was if there’s reincarnation because I really was straight I wasn’t gay I wasn’t attracted to men at all, and so why was I so harassed and targeted who who did that to me who sent that priest to attack me and confuse me at just the right time in my life before my father died, when I was just becoming a man when my family lost all of its money to some degree to just the right person too it was confusing as hell to me to some degree I’ll say because he was so sensitive and perceptive that he was very convincing. He was a very good priest and he could make you think things maybe not someone like Lacey but I was capable of falling for it and so he convinced me that I was gay, and that I wanted to be attacked while he was molesting me. He gave me that impression and it was absolute bullshit of course but that’s part of a jack dovetailed on and that’s part of why I was so confused because I thought that I was somehow I thought that I was somehow asking for it maybe not aroused but more or less sort of gay that I done something gay you know that there was some sort of Gahan signal that I had made some sort of gay gesture him so you know that I had some sort of gay face or that I done something gay him which one through the reason why I act it’s OK it’s sort of like how kids sometimes when they’re molested start provoking abusers to gain some control back of the situation that was part of my psychology was thinking oh my must be gay or I’m gonna act very gay and so I won’t be surprised as much when I’m attacked. Oh true still surprise when Jackie used to attack me or you know as much as other people but sometimes with them but not as much because they weren’t rapists and so it was like consensual it wasn’t really consensual, but they weren’t really rapists necessarily at heart necessarily at least not as much, maybe I always had a bit of a tendency because I was straight to date men who had a little bit of that part of their personality, because they all knew that I was straight to some degree and so they were going to be taking advantage of me, but they weren’t maybe quite as evil as Jack, who loved to taking advantage of me so I wasn’t sometimes I would ask you know, sexy and because I was straight, I didn’t fully realize that I was arousing to him so it’s like I knew that that was sexual but I didn’t realize that it was arousing because I thought I was gay and so it’s like well. This isn’t arousing but when men act sexual like this towards me, I’m not aroused, but I suppose, if I thought about, I would’ve said no, this actually could be arousing I suppose in a different way, but then it would’ve taken a lot of conversations out because I was thinking oh no this is just like a man talk and it’s sexual but it never occurred to me how arousing that would be because I wasn’t gay I didn’t have that perspective so I didn’t have that perspective and I thought hoe well this is just how gay men talk and then it’s like well. I know that he would tell you no attack me and I would it would be surprising but maybe not as surprising as it would’ve been when I was you know 13 and I wasn’t acting gay at all and I got attacked.

I know I was just a sensitive, intelligent, artistic, verbally, intellectually, gifted, good looking kid and that’s all he was just a predator he was a priest he just attacked a straight little boy and that little boy with me and so I was him and so I was very in capable of processing through that, and realizing that I was straight for a long time, but that was part of why I acted that way it was so over-the-top at times because I was trying to control the situation to some Degree Him and I’m not dumb. Someone like Lacey would probably notice instantly how what she was doing was affecting people in the way that I was doing it so it’s like oh if I act this gay it provoked the sort of response and people come, but that’s not how I thought Him so I thought well yeah provokes response and people but I wasn’t gauging their individual responses and categorizing them in my head. Her husbands not smart and that way either she’s brilliant in that way she’s a genius and that way that’s an unusual ability that she has a psychologically she’s light years ahead of a lot of people but no, she’s very good at that sort of thing I’m not as much, so I just knew it affects people and it didn’t really affect me I just assume no yeah you know men get interested to I suppose they realize that you know that that you’re available or something but yeah, I suppose they realize you’re available or something but but it’s not like they really know Who it is very responses because I was straight sweetie. I was straight gentlemen and ladies so I wasn’t having these sexual experiences where I was like if you touch a person this way they get really aroused it was like does that is that affective physically it wasn’t that the psychosexual aspect wasn’t as sophisticated for me, because I didn’t have experience with my actual orientation to figure these things out.

So I thought OK I know it provoked response we’re good we’re golden and then I would be a little surprised when it would provoke a response that was more than I expected will say and Jack and I think wow I’m being attacked. I’m not surprised because you know that he’s coming on to me. I acted very gay today, but I did let you know, but I wouldn’t have gaged the specific things that I said and think I said this was that what pissed him off or I said that in that way is that would made him angry it’s possible straight men don’t often think like that and I didn’t maybe think like that a lot so it’s like no I know not to say certain things in a certain way to Lacey but She also knows I’m a man and that I am possibly straight so I may be I’m not quite as intricate in my interactions as let’s say, Michael would be or even really Scott Fitzgerald even if F Scott Fitzgerald was bisexual. I doubt it even if he was straight, he was rather unusual, because most straight men are not may be quite so extremely careful with every little thing that they say, so might be, but I have a feeling there are a decent number of straight men who are not quite that meticulous and analytical about everything that they say that does tend to be described more to straight women that over analyzing thing and maybe I was straight I just didn’t over analyze things quite that much I acted very well but I didn’t maybe see the direct cause-and-effect as much with my every little nuance arousing him. I may have seen overtime how to say things to appease him, but it’s possible that I wouldn’t have knowing how to perfectly appease him as well as let’s say an actual gay man so or an actual bisexual man even so I said things that appease him like I can’t go without you honey or him and you’ve got it work out spec boy or you make me wet I might’ve even said to him literally although I didn’t say that I don’t think but I might’ve said something that’s stupid because I would’ve thought with his turns been on. How does he make me wet? It doesn’t make any sense, but I knew women might say something like that, and so then I would sort of make it you know, as I was trying to sound aroused and ready and happy but it wasn’t like I was trying to provoke him so it’s like oh hey hot stuff let’s go and it’s like all we’re doing is going to the movies and it’s like what does he think he’s going to be giving him oral sex? No actually I didn’t. I wasn’t thinking about oral sex later at the movies I was trying to make him happier about going to the movies because he was in a bad mood and he was a narcissist so I will be like hey hot stuff let’s go to the movies and he feel like that doesn’t make sense slum unless if you’re thinking about oral sex and then you know he might say something to me like well them. Oh we can sure go as soon as you want and then it would go right over my head and I would say something like I’ll go whenever you want to go honey and then he would probably say something like all right just assuming as a narcissist and a cavity that I was hot ready to go and that he’d get great sex at the movies.

And then later at the movies, you know, he probably twist my fingers off of my hand practically because he would say he whispered in my ear and give me some oral during a scene where everyone was screaming and then I’d say no. I’m watching the movie I need to say, give me some oral jack ass and start twisting my fingers off my hand and then you know I would fight him or I’d give in and just give him oral sex and be rather surprised about why I was giving him oral sex.

So oh I would be giving him oral sex and I’d be thinking OK this is not what I had planned for the day. I’ll adjust get through get this over with. I guess try to get him off and then just be done with it.

But all that to say, we really did think differently. Lacey and I we really did think differently him and we were not prepared for the onslaught that we’ve experienced living in America. If there’s we incarnation, we were not prepared so if there’s been incarnation, there, was somebody who targeted me, it’s unclear who it could’ve been somebody that was angry that I had decided to try to help Africa. I could’ve been somebody who is angry at me for other reasons related to Ireland and it was going to be possibly a long long process in purgatory of trying to figure out who that person was who, arranged with the priest to show up who’s who arrange for the entire shit show to happen You know who did this who thought this was a good idea?

So it was going to be if there’s reincarnation it was going to be a long process of scouting this person out sorting through the entire thing trying to figure this out and it was not an easy process. Oh, so that was already a huge red flag to Lacey that she couldn’t come back, so I have a feeling probably in the 40s or 30s. She already thought this isn’t going well. I’ll just try to help as much as possible as possible. Some of my mannerisms came from her. What was she doing? Probably trying to help me survive probably giving me things to say that would be sexy, which is probably been both bizarre and humorous to her and awful and confusing to her if there’s reincarnation because of my mannerisms are her I might’ve been literally channeling her, and it’s possible that at times she was actually the one giving him oral sex and not me if there’s reincarnations she may have taken over my body. I could take it over my mouth and sort of almost giving me a sort of spiritual anesthesia to survive it’s possible that happened to some degree than what I was molested him. It’s it’s possible I was thinking of her when I was molested and so she in a sense was molested with me by the priest, which is why when she came back if there’s Melissa if there’s reincarnation, and not molestation, if there’s reincarnation, she was so totally aware when she was molested, even though she was really being molested that she was molested, it was like well. Duh, this is molestation. I have experiences you’re molesting me at most maybe kids don’t have that much with the hippies and so they get more confused temporarily at times or worst case scenario they get confused long-term but no it’s not some thing kids ever want that’s insane and impossible but she knew that so if there’s reincarnation know, she experienced it with me and thought oh shit you know he just got molested, and no she help me out possibly if there’s me incarnation you know she she took over the times and experienced what really was not BenGay socks it was supernatural, heterosexual sex, and in a sense she acted as a prostitute with Jack every time I did something if there’s red carnation because she knew that I didn’t want it home. She may have tested just to make sure that I wasn’t gay because that’s how fastidious good she actually is as a person, but you know she would’ve realize oh no no I’m doesn’t want this. He’s not gay at all. This is a bad idea. I should probably help him. He doesn’t need to experience this. This is a key for him. I’ll just do it it’s a little less icky for me you know I do this sort of thing But but it’s not you know it’s not like I’m enjoying it it’s more like I’m a prostitute I know I wouldn’t have necessarily as long as he didn’t do anything to me I wouldn’t have necessarily experienced that much of it so in a sense it probably made the entire thing far more confusing, but far more Plata whole and survivable because it’s like like you know it’s just like you put your mouth on it and you know you do your thing and that’s it because she took my mind away from the entire thing and psychologist would call that association you know what association is bad but the times that might also be a self defense mechanism and if there’s reincarnation hey it could even be someone trying to help you saying just don’t think about it. I’ll sort this out maybe not but people should be more careful him so know him all that to say when when I was at his wedding and I was happy, and I thought all this is great Jack’s getting married, I won’t have to put out as much. His wife can do it and this is just so great than him because I wasn’t in love with him and I was straight. Lacey probably realized that it was almost impossible that she probably ever be able to come back because I have a very strong feeling that that’s when she started to really despise America.

Why did she despise America because I was so giddy as she’s a bit of a ditz and so she might not a process to that and realize it’s because he’s too happy it’s weird so she would’ve thought this is dumb. I can’t come back anymore. I see blow ridiculous and it’s like why is Lacey so mad? Hey and you know what else it could’ve been if there’s me incarnation and I was straight and she was the one doing the oral sex with him if she’s ditzy. it’s also possible that she was upset. He is so it’s possible that other certain level she might’ve been thinking I’ve heard a lot this man and now he’s getting married. How dare he put it asshole because she was the one really doing it and so not only was I straight and dissociative when I was doing it because I was traumatized because I was molested if she was the one doing it she could’ve easily think that to herself this isn’t right you’re an asshole, because you really don’t give a shit about anybody so combined with thinking that Jack Jack was a narcissistic fuck she also probably was pissed off that nobody noticed how happy I was and thought why is he so happy you know who’s in England and Great Britain They would’ve noticed that I mean have you ever watched EastEnders it’s not days of our lives. It’s a bit more complicated EastEnders, the has far more complex psychology to at their mannerisms the deaf of the storyline. It’s it’s more like watching madman madman went that deep then watching days of our lives or all my children do you know if this is just her perspective, I might actually agree with her, the EastEnders characters also are not as glamorous and every case they’re sometimes very good looking but they’re not these super hyper polished perfect looking people in this fake world that doesn’t exist. There’s flaws there’s dirt on the streets people have guts and people have hair that’s then or bad hair job you know bad their hair doesn’t look as good in and that’s the thing that’s real and that’s part of their overall storyline that’s not some thing you see in American, American soap operas and so I think that’s why she can’t if there’s a carnation that’s part of why she has a problem with America because you guys seem shallow and really unaware.

Because it’s like how do you not notice that my husband is really happy right now that’s weird that doesn’t fit in with the whole storyline that isn’t a red flag to you that there’s something strange going on but no no they don’t notice it all just goes right over their head and then he’s a narcissistic asshole getting married to somebody And she’s thinking she’s thinking how how is this person how is this person able to get away with this to this degree and it doesn’t make sense.

Evil does have its limits limits. People do have actual humanities of them at least she does but I would bet most humans probably do so there’s no way I could have been devastated at his wedding if you look at Camilla at Charles‘s wedding, you see what I should have looks like the entire time and every picture and I don’t look like that in any of them. There’s one where I’m staring at the photographer but I don’t look sad in the way that Camilla did. I know I just don’t. I don’t look that sad no looks devastated. Miss written painfully all over her face. It’s not on my face at all. I look slightly sad, but it’s not in a specific way that I would’ve had to look sad if I was actually in love with Jack or straight-gay or gay at all.

There’s very little chance based on how happy I look in every picture that I was gay I think if you found some pictures of me looking like that, and then somewhere, I was as happy as I was, you could probably argue that I was possibly bisexual may be gay but possibly bisexual But it’s very hard to think that I would be well it’s very hard to think that I would be gay based on the fact that there are no pictures of me looking that upset and frankly I would’ve had to probably be bisexual I mean you could think I was gay but then I was over him there’s very little way that I could’ve been that happy as if I was dating somebody else I was far more in love with Him and really I was totally over Jack at his wedding and then why was I sad when he died I wouldn’t have been that sad so then that part of the story falls apart because I might’ve been sad but the people can’t probably get over somebody to that degree without being Over them and I couldn’t have probably been that devastated when he died so no there’s something wrong with the story and frankly it’s far more like I would’ve been bisexual if you found one picture of me looking at sad and the rest looking not happy no, I was probably bisexual Because it will it’s an incredible amount of sadness that I should’ve been feeling and getting over. Somebody would require probably a bit of an advantage at my orientation. Maybe I would’ve been gay but if you find more likely that I was bisexual and I definitely would have been that love with Jack, so I would’ve been that low with Jack. Overall I might have been by Gabe probably far more likely bisexual so it is really make any sense. It makes more sense to think I was straight and frankly also ha no this isn’t actually the problem is there’s too many pictures of me looking happy for that’s even really work, so no I was I was straight there’s too many pictures of me looking happy consistently overtime, I don’t have enough hostility towards Jackie when I’m dancing with her anything I look slightly attracted to her so I suppose if you found one angry picture of me, you might think that I was bisexual but really it’s far more likely that I was still straight and there aren’t any pictures of me looking sad so it’s pretty good pretty good evidence that I discovered a year or two ago of being straight talking about what I was saying at the wedding, Lacey realize that it was just a rotten nothing if there’s reincarnation.

And then, when I started doing drugs, she thought nope this is the end is holding you know rescue mission that we were conducting to help Africa is toast him it’s just not going to work you know it’s not it’s not working out and then yes I am sorry to have to say this but the honey Fitz Fitzgerald Kennedy do you know machine trips, Lacey into coming back in 1982 very shortly after I died which is with if there’s ring carnation why that’s a coincidence isn’t it right after I die, she comes back so I die 1981 hour and then less than a year later all the sudden she’s conceived yeah less than a year later she’s conceived no that’s very suspicious so if there’s if there’s reincarnation know they brought her back they tricked her into coming back that’s been written on this blog and I’m going to say it again know if there’s a big carnation, honey, Fitz and Jack and a lot of other very hateful Kennedys tricked her into coming back Because I died, I’d barely saw her at all because things were so hellish when I died, I committed suicide potentially, or I was killed under very bad circumstances and so I died. We had very little time together if any and then while she was waiting for me in a sentence, they sent her back. Why couldn’t you see me right away? What if I committed suicide is possible that Christ had to do some legwork I wouldn’t have ended up necessarily in hell if there’s we incarnation even if there’s purgatory, I wouldn’t have necessarily ended up and help but I was probably in a really bad state in my spirit and so it was like a lot of spiritual work had to be done on me for me to recover and as possible I wasn’t quite aware that I was dead for a while and then when I finally figured it out, and things were sort of sort of through boom there goes Lacey if there’s reincarnation, we had to be a few conversations And it’s also possible that I was in shock realizing that I had fold up my entire fucking life realizing just how much I screwed up. It was a lot to process. Oh she was probably there but because I committed suicide, I was probably not able to hear her as clearly as I would’ve otherwise her then they tricked her into coming back if there’s weed and carnation, they tricked her And I might’ve anticipated that to be honest and if her husband to Saint Augustine what you’d have to be if there’s reincarnation that’s why he’s her husband because I may have actually anticipated it. Yes I was in shock. Yes I was being worked on but yeah, but at the same time a part of my spirit knew it was going on rush to try to find him beg him to come back as well Right away as possible he was already on it to be honest with you. Oh well, him know he was born in October 1982 so the timelines do work how he was born in October 1982, so yeah and then I died 1981 so I rushed to find him and he agreed quickly to be conceived as we incarnation, because he understood he had a rather rough time with homosexuality and telling fibs about himself when he was alive and he may not have even been 100% straight but if he was especially understood he understood either way ago and just had a lot of sympathy for me. Also he he might’ve known who she would end up with and just if there’s reincarnations yeah he might’ve known that her father, the Egyptian overlord was still alive And that crap you know and he’s a patron saint of Brewers so he might’ve thought. Oh crap Minnesota. I know that area the Schmitz the Pillsberry‘s OK I know exactly where she’s going to go. OK I’ll just have to go there myself and yeah I mean that’s what he did. He went from Connecticut to Saint Paul Met her downtown Saint Paul married her was alcoholic. She sobered him up. He became a Christian, although he probably might’ve anyway yeah people chasing him down the street, trying to get them saved frequently, which if there’s been carnation, makes sense the guy was desperate to get him back into Christian Christianity consciously at least if there’s any sort of baptism by desire, and then no he’s not her legal husband they’re very close as much as they can be and yeah, he may have had a lot of sympathy for me as a person and still possibly does. He allows us a lot of time alone together and doesn’t get as angry about it as a lot of people would it’s possible, though that God is giving him Grace with his dead wife if there’s reincarnation his dead wife from when he was Saint Augustine probably is allowed to interact with him the times subconsciously and that’s probably pretty nice for him to be honest.

Oh, so yeah and if so, Augustine was slightly from north Africa it’s possible he also had sympathy for us for that reason because he has your ancestors possibly from Africa and that life and he thought no Lucifer really meant well and I’m going to honor that as best as I can but not Lacey was Lacey knew when I started using drugs that it was just it was done and she was right. It hasn’t worked out for her almost at all to help Africa and it you know what if there’s red carnation that’s actually been incredibly painful for her.

Oh, her mother that raised her made a joke out of it and I might have been. I might be distantly related to those people that’s part of the reason she knows I’m straight. She actually has first cousins who are very slightly resemble me so she knows that when they smile the way, I smiled it’s not homosexuality it’s just it’s just their face. yeah they’re not homosexuals they’re very straight actually no that’s just how their face looks. Oh I’m not gonna say I’m like her fourth or fifth cousin or something but if she’s illegitimate no we’re not even blood relatives but at times I think it’s been rather creepy to her because her mother abused her and she knows how deceptive that family can be very they’re very cunning people so I think a time she’s had to trust God that I’m not here evil because she knows how brilliant those people are and how tricky they can be to deal with.

That being said, I’m not tricking her and they were the southern relatives. Most likely they were the ones that had slaves in the south so they’ve made a joke about the entire thing her mother pretended or does have if there’s reincarnation the mother that raised her had a sense of humor a very British sense of humor, very dark very gallows And she has an obsession with Africa. Sincerely one of her closest friends is a black woman who is taking many trips to Africa but who’s a conservative.

Oh, so Becca, the boys that raised her we have a very gallows that shit humor because she’s pretended and actually I think she does potentially genuinely have a serious obsession with visiting Africa most of Lacey‘s childhood she heard I always wanted to go to Africa by married your father instead Who is wanted to be a missionary to Africa she has an incredible lover after I’m not making this up the mother that raised her really has a heart for Africa. She said many times repeat am I have a heart for Africa Siri concerned about Africa, and I think in a sense she’s tried to make fun of our family, but I also think she might be trying to sort of tease Lacey because she often says I never went to Africa Lacey I went to Egypt herself, make fun of our family just the whole bloodline him think the joke because Becca has never been down. She’s been to Egypt that might be part of the joke as well. If there’s food information she went to Egypt, but she never went to Africa and she always said that to Lacey I will. I went to Egypt That went I went to Egypt Lacey I went to Egypt but I was never in Africa so I’ve been to the Middle East. She says I saw Cairo I went to Jordan Amman she said she says and I saw Lebanon in Beirut but I never saw Africa. I never got to go to Africa and she say that I never went to Africa Lacey I was just-I went to Egypt. and so if there’s reading carnation yes Becca is making fun of Lacey like is Egypt part of Africa darling? Where is the Middle East because I never went to Africa Lacey I just went to Egypt. I went home. She showed Lacey this beetle bracelet that she got from Egypt and she said I know that that’s part of their mythology. They’re really into stuff like that like it was gross.

And she’s like I saw the pyramids. What was that for water?

Oh, she was not nice to Lacey. She’s not Lacey‘s mother, but she raised her like she was her mother and she loved her even though she didn’t know she made fun of our family choose one of me and associates and then that’s where I have to wonder if Becca actually does have a small conscience even if she’s a psychopath And may be felt a little bad for Lacey at times because it’s like it if there’s reincarnation because it’s like you know Lacey we’re not all that great I mean I wanted to go to Africa or am I just making that up so I think she might have never gone, so I think she might’ve been sort of poking fun at us and trying to say to Lacey. He got bored into a real crap family I mean it’s like, you can love him but we’re not all that we’re meant to be sweetie. We’re a little fucked up so I’ll be half of the seas on behalf of whatever family is related to him through the CPAs. I’m sorry word not everything that we were cut out to be and, I think that’s part of your explanation of why this has been so weird is just yeah he’s he’s still your husband he still lamb. He still your husband but he’s not may be as you didn’t have the advantages that I think you assumed that he have, and maybe or not maybe that and maybe that’s not entirely what happened, but it could be that, there’s a little part of her that wondered if they just were inferior just a little too inferior to pull it off, somehow genetically that they just weren’t quite up to par.

You know in the notes and sort of like do you even know is Egypt part of Africa because I wouldn’t think that it was either necessarily but is it because you’re geographically it is but but I’m not sure that it really is and then and then Seay then that’s where she’s a CNA and she could’ve been trying to say to Lacey. Oh those aren’t your people anyway You’re above them they’re just Africans they’re not you know like Middle Eastern people who are more whites and more elite and more normal so to speak even though they like bugs on their bracelets. It is possible that she might’ve thought that was some thing a little weird about Egyptian. Yeah they’re a little dark.

Arvor Part: “Fratres” plays (for cello and piano).

So know if there’s reincarnations Lacey is not necessarily supposed to be here but she is and so are my kids if there’s reincarnational her daughter and her son were my children in the 1800s those were my kids both her daughter and her son are my daughter and my son from our last life together and I am sorry Asians might not except that I am They might assume that she was Jack. No she’s not Jack she’s not. I wonder though sometimes where they think ghosts come from that doesn’t make much sense him but no she was a ghost. If there’s reincarnation she was a ghost she didn’t come back and she was a ghost for my entire life And then they tricked her into coming back when she wasn’t supposed to how does that all work because it’s Christianity it’s not Buddhism or there’s no reincarnation at all but if there is no she was my wife in the 1800s we were British aristocrats I was straight in that life and I was straight in my last one and I’m still straight now I know her children are my children that that is my son and that is my daughter or there’s no reincarnation but my kids know me oh and might even be angry at me and I’m working with that because they have every right to be. I’m sure it’s great having Mark as their dad. I’m sure it’s great having Seay on the scene as their father but he’s not me and that’s possibly extraordinarily painful for all of us but he is their dad, but basically it’s been hell not literal hell but it’s been pretty awful and that she’s not supposed to be here. They’re supposed to be with me and her in heaven they’re pretty close to it.

But well as I was saying, though to Nigeria, if I had been molested and targeted if that hadn’t happened, yeah I would have probably had dealings in Africa. If I’d had a different childhood him which could be why the CIA is wonder if there’s just something wrong with my parents or something but Ideally I would have been able to do more at some point with Africa probably from a business perspective I’m very good at business and might be rather brilliant at it actually and if I am reincarnated know my family was brilliant back in great Britain as well. My father was a genius industrially, we were very wealthy family and we were very very rich right? We are very wealthy, so it’s just sort of who I am. I understand business very well it’s just powder naturally there and me as Constantine did. I understand business purposes better than I think, but I was yeah I’m Constantine if there’s me incarnation yeah I’m style. I’m actually I’m for Constantine, I was a miserable life in many ways for me. I never found if I’m Constantine and if I’m not there you go, but if I am no, I was never happy. I run a personal level almost at all. I was very lonely and Lacey really is my twin flame as you call it she was very lonely at Scotia believe it or not, if there’s reincarnation no, she was not happily married to an Irishman.

So if there’s reincarnation, no, I’m sorry I was straight. I personally had a gay man exceedingly well it doesn’t fool her but it full of a lot of other people. I’m not really a liar though I was a fraud, but I’m not a liar I was just extremely confused..

Oh, but no I am we are not supposed to well we’re not supposed to be if she’s not supposed to be here and I was supposed to have dealings with Africa no frankly shall not be having problems in Africa. I’m sorry if I was upset, but if I had been molested, if there’s reincarnation meet up, maybe that even if so much truth or isn’t reincarnation, but if there is reincarnation, absolutely, there will not be problems with Shalla. Nigeria is interesting that I brought Nigeria up considering there’s a problem in Nigeria who would I bring that up with? I brought that up with Lane price remember but no there’s there is a problem in Nigeria I would have been very heavily involved with that, potentially I will help it instrumental in setting up certain setting up certain protections for Africa when it came to business relations, I do have to say I live near the United Nations and that was a fashionable area to live. There were a lot of homosexuals that chose to live in that area that wasn’t why I chose to live there to make a puppy lived in that same pet same building, it was very trendy but it wasn’t at least I think he lived in my building but but no it was very it was very prosperous very upper class. If that was the idea I might not have been completely true, but that was the idea to add a nice where I personally chose to live there, because because I was so fascinated with their national affairs, I was actually really interested in international business and international fairs. That is not some thing that people know about as I was all they thought myself it was at all for what even do that this is a sightseer it was so unrewarding. so I felt very bored with my life.

And yes, if there’s reincarnation I was I was devastated because I realized what a absolute shit show my life was. It’s interesting right now Lacey is being tempted to drink and I doubt that she probably will. but it is very depressing because we really had every intention of making a difference if there’s reincarnation we really meant well.” says Lem.

“ I believe that I think it’s sad llama. Were you doing here the United Nations?” asks Dr. Moritz.

“ I was obsessed with her national affairs. It was comforting to me. It was exciting. It made me feel like I had a front row seat to some thing that I long to be a part of. I wanted to let you know I get my hand in the ring so to speak, and do something myself I wanted to actually have my own footprint. Historically I wanted myself to do some thing I wanted to do some thing myself but I was trying to be a good day man I was trying to be a good husband, but no really I was just sad but I was trying to be a good husband or maybe a good wife you know whatever does it a gay man does and that I was thinking no no I can be supportive I can take the backseat, you know and try to be a supportive help mate to a man bigger than myself who wasn’t bigger than me at all in anyway.

I was there because it seemed fun. It made me happy.” says Lem.

“ this scares me a lot.” says Dr. Moritz.