“Lemmers…I will not touch you. I promise.” says JFK to one K. LeMoyne Billings.
“I’m doing this for Lacey.” says Lem.
“Okay. Ignore! I move on.
Now we have fun.” says JFK.
“Let’s listen to music!” says Lem, able to speak up for himself more now.
Jack looks annoyed. “What are we listening to?”
“Mozart!” says Lem.
Jack laughs. “I agreed not to touch you.”
“Can’t you just appreciate Mozart?” asks Lem.
“No!” yells JFK.
“What about Radiohead?” asks Lem.
Jack listens to Radiohead. Head bangs slightly to Reckoner.
“This is sex music.” says JFK. “NEXT!”
“What about The Submarines?” asks Lem.
“Sexy. Too sexy.” says JFK.
“Vivaldi?” asks Lem.
“SEX!” says JFK.
“Ok. Nevermind. No music.” says Lem.
“We can dance.” says JFK.
“You’ll just want sex.” says Lem.
“I like sex. All the time.
I get tense. And sex helps.” says JFK.
“I remember you thought that.” says Lem.
“Then we play Monopoly!” says JFK.
They get out a Monopoly board. In Dulce Jubilo plays as asexual background music.
They sit down and God watches as Jack takes the thimble and Lem takes the iron. They dole out the correct amounts of money. Lem analyzes and gets lost in strategizing.
Jack can’t look at him. He’s too attracted to Lem. He sits and listens to the Christmas music instead. He really listens.
“That’s GOOD MUSIC.” says Jack.
Lem looks up and seems confused. “What’s that?”
“Good music!!” says JFK.
“Oh! Yeah. Music!!” says Lem patronizingly.
JFK doesn’t notice he’s being patronized. He closes his eyes and tries to listen more intently.
“Charles Ives!” says JFK.
“Ahh!! And Dickens.” says Lem.
Jack laughs. “Oh no! I’m aroused.” says JFK.
God calms Jack down.
“Okay. Better!” says JFK.
“Let’s play!” says Lem, sighing in exasperation.
My Little Drum (From “A Charlie Brown Christmas”) plays.
“I’m aroused!” says JFK.
God calms him down.
“No music.” says Lem.
“Cool!” says God.
“Let’s play!” says Lem.
Meanwhile…Lacey and Elliott go fishing.
Spitting Off the Edge of the World plays for everyone who can listen in Christ but JFK. Lem is made aware that Lacey and Elliott are fishing.
“You seem distracted.” says JFK smiling, happily.
“Yeah.” says Lem.
“I choose to care.
What is wrong Lemmers?” asks JFK.
“You’ll get aroused if I tell you.” says Lem.
JFK thinks. “Yeah. You’re right.”
“Then I can’t tell you.” says Lemmers.
“Fine!! You loser!!!” says JFK. “You stopping my progress.”
“But Jack you’ll get aroused.” says Lem, patiently.
“NO!!! YOU TELL ME NOW!!” yells JFK.
“Okay. Lacey is on a date with Elliott.” says Lem. “Or she’s sitting getting drunk in Lane Pryce’s office.”
Jack laughs. “No. She’s not. She lies.”
Lem has to be restrained from killing Jack. God has to keep him from lunging at Jack.
Jack smirks. “I’m not…fooled.”
“Jack…God told me.” says Lem.
“GOD LIES.” says JFK.
And at that God has to forcefully feed Jack the information that Lacey is actually on a date with Elliott Roosevelt or she’s with Lane. He almost ceases to exist in the process. It looks like he’s being shocked.
Finally Jack gets it.
He blinks. Thinks. “Man. That’s sad.” says JFK.
“Yeah!!!” says Lem.
“Yeah. But she’s not serious.” says JFK.
“She’s not the problem. Elliott or Lane are.” says Lem.
“No. She’s the problem.” says JFK.
“No. It’s then.” says Lem.
“But I AM THE SEXY ONE.” says JFK, offended. And at that God has to restrain him.
And at that Lane asks Lacey what she’s wearing. Under her dress.
“I am sorry.” says JFK. “This is success.” He motions to his body. “My cock…is Heaven.”
“And your asshole?” asks Lem, laughing at him.
Jack doesn’t notice he’s being laughed at. “It’s true.
You want to fuck?” says JFK.
“No. No thank you.” says Lem, laughing at him.
“Why!? It feel good!” says JFK, smiling.
“Not for me.
It feels good for you? On your dick?” says Lem.
Jack Kennedy laughs and nods. “Yeah! It feels good.”
“Yeah? Wow. What’s it feel like?” asks Lem.
Jack thinks. “Wow. It feels good all over my body.”
“When I touched you or when everyone did?” says Lem.
“You.
And others.” says JFK.
“Why me?” asks Lem.
“Because of how much you enjoy it. And how much you love me.” says JFK.
“Are you sure it wasn’t because you were attracted to me?” asks Lem.
“I was. Sure! I know that.
No. That’s not why.” says JFK.
“Why?” asks Lem.
“Because that’s not how sex works.” says JFK.
And at that Lane kisses Lacey after seeing her lingerie in his imagination. Lem sees him.
“Sex…is…about love.” says JFK, condescendingly as Lem watches.
“So…you don’t think…being attracted to someone makes sex better?” asks Lem.
Jack thinks. “No.
Not really.
Sex is best when you’re in love. Right? Everyone knows this. So…it is…about love.” says JFK.
And just like that Lane moans in pleasure.
“Then why do men moan in pleasure?” asks Lem.
“Because they are…sad.” says JFK.
Wait by M83 plays.
“Sad?” says Lem. “Huh.
What are they sad about?”
Lane and Lacey stop. Out of worry for Lem.
“They’re sad…” says JFK. “I don’t know.”
“You don’t know!?” says Lem. “You’ve never made that sound or heard that sound?”
“No. I have yelled out. And…moaned. Before I orgasmed.” says JFK.
“But never…moaned in pleasure? Not in ecstasy but pleasure?” asks Lem.
“No. Why would anyone be so excited to have sex?” says JFK. “That’s so weird Lem.”
“That’s interesting. What…did you experience…in regard to pleasure?” asks Lem.
“I WANT SEX. Wow!
All the time. Always.
Sex. Sex. Sex!!
But…then you get it.” says Jack.
“Do you enjoy the part before you orgasm?” asks Lem.
Jack thinks. “We never talked about this.
Yes!!! Of course I do!!” he says.
“No. Jack.
I don’t care.
Be honest.
What’s that feel like to you?” asks Lem.
“It’s okay. You do it. And you keep doing it. And you feel increasingly better. And then you feel GOOD.” says JFK. “So you might yell. You might. But that’s okay. Because it’s just sex. It’s just sex!!”
“So you don’t long for people?” asks Lem.
“Yeah. Sure. You long for them to make you cum.” says JFK. He thinks. “You see an attractive person and think…’I want them to make me cum.’”
“Wow. So they win?” says Lem.
“Yeah! They are the winner!” says JFK.
“What do they get out of it?” asks Lem.
“People like to make me cum.” says JFK.
“Why?” says Lem.
“Because! It’s fun for them.” says JFK.
“Why?” asks Lem.
Jack thinks. “I know.
It’s because I’m…HOT.”
Fire for You by Cannons plays as Lacey dances. Alone. And do try to recall she might be an Ancient Egyptian and it shows. Lem can see. Jack again, cannot.
“My body isn’t that great.” sincerely says Jack, unaware. “But…I have money.”
Lem laughs. “Like Dollar bills. With pyramids!?!”
“Ha!! Yeah. Sexy Scotia.
Whatever. She has a vagina.
Yuck.” says Jack. He thinks. “I have a cock. And MONEY.”
“With Egyptian symbols all over it.” says Lem.
Jack thinks. Looks at the Monopoly money. Thinks. Picks up a pink bill.
“This is the color of lipstick. You cannot tell me lipstick is…my money.” says Jack, hurt.
“Jack…that’s not how it works.” says Lem.
“Why not!?” scoffs JFK.
“Do…you ever wonder if the people who sucked your cock could feel as much pleasure as you?” asks Lem.
“I imagine they could. Yes. If they tried enough. But…they’re not like me.” says JFK.
“That’s impossible.” says Lem.
“Well…then hey get somewhere else.” says JFK.
“Yup. You used to tell me that.
It doesn’t bother you?” asks Lem.
“It’s not my job.” says JFK.
“Why?” asks Lem.
“Because they are my friends. They take great pride in that.
The sex…they have…is…fine.” says JFK.
“Then why can’t you just let me have good sex with Lacey?” asks Lem.
“Because that different.” says JFK.
“How!?” asks Lem.
And at that JFK turns into a screaming three year old boy. He wails in fear. He screams in terror.
“Jack…why is Lacey different?” asks Lem.
“Because she is SCARY!!!” says Rose. “He doesn’t want to think about it.”
Jack turns into an adult again.
“I think…she is up to something. And I’m not going. To let her take you.” says JFK.
“So…she’s not doing anything.” says Lem.
Jack seethes.
“Jack…you’re not the center of the universe.” says Lem.
“That’s not what Satan tells me.” says JFK seriously.
“Jack…what if…I leave with Lacey and she doesn’t ever see your dad again?” says Lem.
“Fine. But she is everywhere!!” says JFK.
“No. She’s not. Those are other women. And maybe some men. Those aren’t her. Those are different people from her.” says Lem.
“No. I’m angry for a real reason!” says JFK. He has to leave, he’s so angry.
Keen to Cross the Pond 