“I’m ready to call it.
Given our community’s internal issues and, in some cases, tragic history…if a supposed gay romance pre-dates 1990 in origin…it’s suspicious.” says a Gen. Z gay.
(It’s May 28th, 2024 – 10:01 PM)
“Come on!!! Tell us!!” say all living gay men to the posh gentleman. “What did we think? For real.”
The posh gentleman rolls his eyes and wails in grief.
(Adult content below)
“I can’t do it.” he screams in deep anguish.
Videotape by Radiohead plays.
The song ends.
The Moment by Tame Impala plays.
“I had it in my head Lem would watch women strip. Like Holly Golightly did. And get massive erections from their naked bodies.
Like…tits and ass and shit…and then…umm…he’d like…turn his head and see Jack Kennedy and suddenly be OVERWHELMED by his POWERFUL MASCULINITY. Like…a moth to a flame.
And then…he’d like strut across the room and go fuck JFK. Up the ass.” admits the posh gentleman.
“Why?” asks Hugh Hefner. “Why not the one who got him hard in the first place?”
“Because who cares about women. Men are where it’s at.” all living gay men.
“Sexually?” asks Hugh Hefner.
“Yup.” he says, rocking back and forth in his seat.
“So…why not though?” says Hugh Hefner.
“Because…men are better?” he says.
“Wow. That’s sooo dumb.” says Hugh Hefner. “I’m amazed. And I’m dead.
Alright. No. That’s impossible.
What else? Does he get hard from men?” asks Hugh Hefner.
“No. But…that’s okay. Some men are like that.” say all living gay men.
“No!!! They’re not. You’re losers.” says Hugh Hefner. “Making him pathetic in your interpretation is a sad reflection on you all.” he says to all gay men. “Him being Lem Billings.”
“So he’s fucking men why?” asks a Playboy model.
“Because he’s gay.” says the posh gay man.
“WHO SAID THAT!?” says Hugh Hefner.
“They did. The US media. And he acted gay.
So…” he says.
“NOPE.” says Hugh Hefner.
“Umm…we…just assumed no man could not want to be raped or seduced secretly by gay men.” he admits.
“AHH. THE TRUTH.
Most gay men ARE LIKE JFK.
You’re ALL…AWARE JFK IS ONE OF YOU. …But it’s bro code.” says Hugh Hefner.
“Yes.” he admits. “Possible.”
“So you all are sick deranged freaks. Even if it’s allowed in Heaven.” says Hugh Hefner.
“We may have become that. Yes.” he says.
“Yeah. Or it’s just perverse bullshit to begin with.” says Hugh Hefner.
“Yeah.” he admits.
“So…no. I’m pretty sure Lem was straight.” says Hugh Hefner.
“Hold-hold on. So you imagined Lem being attracted to a woman who is a stripper, and then walking across the room to just randomly be with Jack for no reason at all?” says Anderson Cooper.
Awkward silence.
“Cause I just have to say I know for a fact that’s not something that man would do. Because that’s not his character.” says Anderson Cooper.
“Yeah I guess that doesn’t really make sense Anderson but that was the way I imagined things would work.” say possibly most if not all gay men.
“How!?” says Anderson Cooper.
“B-because you don’t get it. B-because you just get overwhelmed by people.” say most gay men, possibly.
“How does one get overwhelmed in that particular way pray do to tell?” says Anderson Cooper.
“Well…I mean it’s like you just it’s like men are so amazing that when a man is in a room and you’re attracted to him, you just get totally overwhelmed, and you just kind of flow over towards him like a moth to a flame.” say possibly most gay men.
“So um, what is that then psychologically or spiritually because it would have to be a real thing not just something imaginary.” says Anderson Cooper.
“I might not think this way as much anymore in my defense. I haven’t analyzed this well enough for a while.” says the posh man.
“No. This proves to me that there’s something wrong with us because this shouldn’t be happening. We should’ve thought this through and realized within the last 20 years that this Lem and Jack thing doesn’t make any sense primarily because of the narcissism and evil of JFK. I mean that really is why. Grow-up.
It’s bizarre that we’ve never had that sort of correction. I mean I’m Anderson Cooper. You don’t think that I worry that I’m going to be accused of something every day? The kind of disgusting over emphasis on my personal life that happens to me is perverse potentially, and it’s very difficult to have that much power and money and not be held to absurd degrees of accountability, we’ll say for now. But then JFK just gets away with murder. No it’s disgusting. How did we get so rotted? How did we become such thieves? It’s very disturbing.” says Anderson Cooper.
Keen to Cross the Pond 