“I Wanna Hit!” by Lucy

(August 11th, 2024 – Morning)

According to the Gay Men’s Chorus of South Florida…we can more…than assume…Jack Kennedy and Lemmers Billings of Sewickley, PA…were passionate LOVERS. …We can Guarantee It. 100%. Money-back if you’re not satisfied.

Summa by Arvo Part plays.

CIt’s hypocrisy. They’re absolute hypocrites, Lacey. Self-righteous hypocrites.

And you know…that’s why they’re becoming nothing more than losers in the eyes of the world. You can brag about your keen insight into love…and then claim Lem…and Jack…had something. But they have. For almost two decades now publicly. It’s sick. And it will utterly destroy them. I promise you that. Depending on whether or not Lemmers was actually the real JFK or not. Catch my drift? …They have it all backwards.

The real JFK? Yeah. How clearly is Lacey hearing from God? She’s heard fairly clearly that Lem is her…Adam, if you will…for eternity. But she’s heard once that reincarnation is real…and a few other times that it isn’t. So…is it real? Is God being shouted over in a deadly fallen world or not? I promise you they’re Constantine and Scotia if there’s reincarnation. Really! …This is that SERIOUS.

Ombelico by Hania Rani plays.

Emperor Constantine wasn’t gay. Neither was Lem as an Englishman. Nor as Lem. I can feel, as a ghost, dozens of gay men at least dozens, holding on. Holding on stubbornly for Lem to be gay. And it’s all in vain and by doing so they’re suffocating not only the DNC but the US. Real talk: THEY DON’T KNOW! But something compels them to keep attacking. It’s evil and insane. …If only they could let go. But I can feel it and so can Lacey. They can’t. They just can’t let go…

To be honest, it’s heartbreaking to both Lacey and I. We feel betrayed by them. We didn’t realize they were all just worthless nut-jobs? Even Peter Thiel possibly. Insane men who can’t handle Lem and Jack because it speaks far too deeply to their actual mental illness. They think they’re all a woman? But yet not. Or what? Why are they all Lacey? With her dignity and integrity? They’re not. That’s disgusting! …Are they all really just perverted, delusional, hallucinating narcissists?

And see…with Peter Thiel running Donald Trump…they’re in trouble too if they can’t…keep Peter from running the show? I mean…come on! We’re toast. And why? Because they all have a…zombie-like obsession with sodomizing Emperor Constantine?

Hey! Did those New Age gurus ever consider that? Those soothsayers in the Illuminati? They’re all obsessed with sodomizing Emperor Constantine. And absolving themselves by make-believing he was confirmed gay by unknown GODS of the 1970’s. Some fat narcissist who snorted coke and drank too much at Studio 54 is an unequivocal authority on Lem Billings ass!! YEAH RIGHT!

Why…do they find it so impossible to back down? Did they ever consider that?

Fratres, For String Orchestra by Arvo Pärt plays.

What if…Lacey is using them? And she’s VICIOUS? But…vicious in an ancient…mostly unknown way. A calculating, sexy…dangerous…Egyptian woman who might have been literally worshipped by her own people. Truth is…you don’t know if they flew through the air or not. …What if they did? What if…they really did use some telekinesis to build the pyramids? SHE STILL KNOWS THAT POWER. If she’s Scotia. HER ANCESTORS CREATED IT…WITH SATAN.

I’m not saying she wasn’t cursed by it. Look at her. If there’s reincarnation clearly her and Constantine are suffering. More than you’re unkind, weakly empathetic minds can comprehend? But…if there’s reincarnation they KNOW THINGS YOU DON’T.

Does that scare you Peter? Does that scare you gay men? …SHE KNOWS THAT. …She’s using your evil…and obsession with Lem…even if it makes her weep…and it really does…to rule the Earth. If there’s reincarnation this goes far beyond Great Britain. It’s ANCIENT EGYPT.

Remember? Ha! You fools in the Illuminati think you’re so big. You’re not. You’re reliant…ON HER. And her father. You’re NOTHING compared to them in Satanism. You seriously think some rinky-dink Western secret society is equal to the rulers of ancient Egypt? Sweethearts…SHE’S ONE OF THEM. Wake up!

Quit forcing her to get ugly. She will…regardless of reincarnation…destroy THE EARTH.

Hey! Ever heard of the ancient Chinese? Or the ancient queens who killed whole towns of people to avenge their dead lovers? Yeah. SHE RELATES TO THEM. If she’s Scotia…y’all done it.

She’s extremely loving…and beautiful. Sweet as a daisy. …But…if there’s reincarnation she could kill. She’d ride on a horse and literally hold her balance so well she’d chop off a dozen men’s heads like she was dusting. She had a very sharp knife. And she had stymied them. Arranged them. Prepared them for her sword. Like vegetables on her cutting board…in her kitchen. Chop. Chop. That’s all.

Ha!

You think I’m kidding. Well…what if I’m not? And I’m angry.

Y’all…if there’s reincarnation…THAT’S HER. That’s the REAL WOMAN.

And this dude:

Who’s pretending to be gay. Unconvincingly so for Lacey and I. But I guess you’re dumber than us.

Is this guy!

Look at their souls. If there’s reincarnation…they match. It’s eerie. And I’m saying that as a ghost.

Now look I’m not saying you should challenge Great Britain. But try to use your thinking caps. Kay?

“She’s right.” says Desi.

You’re insisting Lem Billings was gay. And he wasn’t. But you’re also insisting Emperor Constantine was gay…if there’s reincarnation.

“Ha! As a bitter- Yes! I’m still bitter. …As a dead bitter aristocrat…I’m actually happy. I’m enjoying watching her kick you asses. Using your own tricks against you while she bows to Jesus in perfect rhythm. They danced. You know? The Ancient Egyptians danced. As part of war.” says Desi Arnaz.

Lux Aeterna by Clint Mansell & Kronos Quartet plays.

And Emperor Constantine? Honey…he’s real faggy. Right? Ha! He’d behead y’all if you didn’t worship Christ. Literally. Him and his army converted people by threatening their lives with a sword if they didn’t convincingly convert to Christianity on the spot. …And no…he wasn’t a homosexual. …I’m warning you.

Honeybuns…if there’s reincarnation and I’m Lucille Ball…think! If Lem was straight…and you’ve gotten it wrong…you’re insisting to SCOTIA…who’s all alone…being tormented by the ILLUMINATI…and bravely- …That a genuinely straight man…enjoyed being SODOMIZED. HER SLAIN, BELOVED husband. Think!!! That’s DEADLY.

Diego knew. You seriously are so fucking sheltered. …South and Central American has been a tortured area of the world for centuries. My husband Desi can attest to that. He grew-up there.

“We can be wrong!” yells a choir member in South Florida who’s gay. “It’s okay! We can be wrong.”

“THANK YOU!!” yells Kamala Harris.

“Oh my word! It’s the end of homosexuality if Lem’s not gay.” says Pete Buttigieg, mockingly. “Why…are you all so messed-up!?”

“Sometimes I worry there really is something wrong with us. I’m just being honest.” says Peter Thiel.

Lacey takes a deep breath.

“WHY…IS…SHE DOING THAT!?” says a psychic. “Lucy is warning us!”

“What is she doing?” says Desi. “Huh.”

“I’m FAR from worried.” says a Native American man. He thinks. “Maybe I should be though. Out of empathy.” He thinks. “And yes. My people do have to accept Christ. I’m a Christian saying that.”

You know…even if there’s not reincarnation Lem was straight. And him and Constantine do look alike. What if…they get along? Not as lovers. As real friends. That’s serious too. And Lem and Lacey are dangerous. And British.

“They do seem a lot like us.” says Piers Morgan. “It’s probably genetic.”

Let me leave you with two images. They’re REAL. Let them haunt you. And hopefully make you think. Hopefully they awaken your conscience.

Glass by Hania Rani plays.

Imagine Lacey. Meek. And when she’s alone…her brown eyes…soft and loving like a deer caring for her babies…beautiful like an Egyptian beauty queen…look sad. She stares out at a tree in her backyard swaying in the wind and thinks of love. Her nearly fully unrealized life. Her children who seem…so like Lem at times it’s…mind-numbing. Her son is tall! He’ll be taller than her living husband. …She’s happy she has them. But she worries ever day for their futures.

She blinks. Flutters. Her stunning eyes glitter.

She really does look like Scotia.

Look at these eyes.

Those are either an artistic, Heavenly inspired, genius copy of her actual eyes…or they look so similar…it should scare you. Things can be tricky. Facts matter. Our minds matter.

Imagine this woman…curvy…but petite at 5 feet almost 7 inches tall…cutting up carrots and potatoes on a wooden cutting board in her kitchen. She chops into the carrot. Slice!

Is it sexy? Yes! Actually it is. But it’s not just sexy. It’s maternal. It’s artistic. It’s human. The need to cut. The need to tear things apart. That’s human. We all can relate to that.

But she does it so well. So did Tom Banks, regardless of whether or not he was once an Egyptian pharaoh. Slice!

But if she’s Scota what does she think of as the blade slices through the orange?

The song plays.

The song ends.

Say Something by A Great Big World plays.

Yes. She’s a woman. I’m Lucille Ball. I’m not an idiot.

Listen!

…Lacey’s a sweetheart.

Am I making fun of her? No. Actually I’m not. I’m just a real feminist.

Her tender, feminine heart doesn’t make her any less dangerous or sexy. But she loves Christ! And…she’s…noble-hearted.

I respect that.

Imagine this song playing as she, curves covered in metal…riding on a horse…aims her long sword for men’s necks. Men with long…scraggly hair. Her enemies.

What’s she thinking? She’s feeling bad for them. Ha! Really. “Say something, I’m giving up on you.” She tried consensus. It didn’t work out.

An Englishman laughs. He somehow understands.

They’re dead. And…God’s not a fool. He heard her cry for their souls…as she killed them. If she’s Scota. “I’ll kill you. If you want me to.” She formed a country. That was her aim. That was her heart. Union. Cooperation. Love. CIVILIZATION. REAL PROGRESS.

It’s humble. But brave. And if she’s Scotia the Scottish are a beautiful people. In their souls. Bold. Meek. Dangerous. Brave. That’s HER!!

Why…don’t…you…get it!? SHE STARTED SCOTLAND… SHE STARTED SCOTLAND IF THERE’S reincarnation. Be careful. Maybe she didn’t. But if she did, and I’m talking to the Illuminati as I say this, BE WISER. …You’re afraid of me…but not SCOTIA!?? …Because she’s quiet…and unloved!? Like a child right? Ha! Maybe it is the end the entire fucking world.

The song plays.

Lucy rubs her face in exasperation.

“Goodbye.” says Great Britain, in Christ. To America, if necessary.

“Hey it’s okay!” says Tsar Putin.

“It is!” says Palestine.

“Actually…I agree.” says Israel. “We need money. Not Ukraine!” They shrug. “Don’t you get it!? She acknowledges Palestine. As a real country. …In great distress. Tragic. …But she also has made love with a Jew. …Harold. We can’t easily analyze her legal husband. …As far as we’re concerned, Harold counts. …And…we’re too truly Jewish not to understand.

He didn’t do it for Israel. But…then that’s why it counts. …If she’s Scotia she’s in Scotland. And she had alliances with Ireland. Not marriages. …I have a strong feeling marriage meant something vastly different. …But those alliances still are good. I’ve watched! Dead Irish kings still are trying to get along with her if she’s Scotia. And…to be honest…she seems to be genuinely good friends with them. I’m sue they’re exhausted…in Purgatory if that’s where they are. Poor dears, I suppose.

No. She’s worried about us! …And honestly I agree! …Why UKRAINE? Right? Huh. …You know I’ll say this: If there’s a conspiracy to sell children Israel still knows it’s wrong. So does Egypt. So does Iran. …Believe it or not we do agree on that.

…And if there’s an Illuminati…we talk.” says an Israeli. “I’m warning lots of people. We…are us. Not you. And yes. Israel still matters. Palestine still matters. Those are REAL. Countries still exist. If you don’t like it…maybe I don’t like you.”

“I agree.” says Palestine. “What THE FUCK do you think we’re fighting for if countries don’t exist and still matter!?”

“I agree. They have idiotic ideas about tearing apart established order. To do what? Create utopia? It’s impossible. …I’m sorry. It’s impossible.” says Tsar Putin.

And my last image…is…funny. Actually it’s very funny.

“I’ll kill her daughter!” angrily yells a woman who Lacey hopes isn’t a Kennedy.

Toxic by Britney Spears as dweeby Jack Kennedy shakes his tiny, scrawny ass desperate to seem sexy.

He laughs.

“Where’s Lem?” he says.

It’s 1981. Lem just died.

“He’s not here, Jack.” says an angel.

Jack stops dancing.

Peaches and Herb, Shake Your Groove Thing plays.

“I waiting for him.” says Jack, sadly.

The song cuts off.

“Okay. Well…he’s not here.” says the angel.

Awkward silence.

“Why!?” says Jack.

“He’s not gay, Jack. …He was never gay. Remember?” says the angel.

Awkward silence.

“No!” says Jack. His lip quivers. He’s actually pouting. “NO!!” he yells.

“Jack. That’s reality.” says the angel.

Shake Your Groove Thing plays again. A demon started playing it.

“That’s not true.” he says to himself.

“Jack. What exactly did he even do!?!” says a dead Queen, trying to reason with him out of empathy.

“He sucked my cock.” says JFK.

“Yeah. I knew.” says a Lawrence.

“Yah!” says JFK, suddenly proud. Smiling.

“Okay. But…what did he do!?” says the Queen.

Jack thinks. “He’d quietly get on his knees and sort of…stare…and then I’d get undressed. And he’d start trying to get me off. Using his hands and mouth.”

“Yeah. I can see it.” says Lacey.

“But Jack…did he ever make eye-contact with you?” asks the Queen.

“No.” he says.

“Right! …Did he ever stop staring at the floor or the…bed…or anything but you?” asks the Queen.

“Ahh…no.” says JFK, getting uncomfortable.

“That’s bad dude!” she says.

Jack looks upset. But quiet.

“Did he ever…act…excited or even happy? At all?” she says.

“No. But why would he!?” says Jack.

“Why would he!?” asks the Queen.

“Yeah. It’s gay sex.” says Jack.

“What did and does that mean to you?” she asks.

“Gay sex is between men. And men aren’t so emotional. So…we didn’t get…mushy. And I liked it that way.” says Jack.

“So he was dull and emotionless!?” she says.

“Yeah.” says Jack. “If you want to put it that way.”

“This is an exaggeration! Right?” says a living gay man.

“What!?” says JFK.

“Yeah. You’re joking?” says a living gay man.

JFK looks offended. “No!! It was sacred!” he says, very upset.

“WHAT!?” says the living gay man.

“He was so in love with me.” says JFK.

“Dude…he sounds bored.” says the living gay man.

“And clearly dissociative.” says Pete Buttigieg.

“He was.” says the angel. “He just did it.”

“Yeah. So…I dunno. I think you imagined his love. …I think he was loving. But I don’t think he actually loved you.” says the living gay man.

“But then why did he do it!? The way I like!?” says Jack.

“Did he ever tell you- Did you ever tell him you wanted it that way?” asks a gay man.

“No!! Of course not! I was straight. You know!

Man!

No…he just knew.” says Jack, sadly.

“Hmm. …So you felt like he was reading your mind.” says a gay man.

“He was!!” says JFK.

“His love for Jack was extraordinary. I always tell biographers that. In their subconscious. Always!” says Eunice Kennedy Shriver, smiling proudly.

“You guys he did.” says JFK.

“I’ve never been serviced by a confused straight guy…but I’m fascinated. For real.

Umm…well…I mean maybe I have. But…no…I actually do doubt it.

…Jack did he look sad?” asks Lance Bass.

“He never looked up.” says Jack. “He just got to it.”

“He he seem at all excited?” asks another older gay man.

“No! Why would he be!?” says JFK.

“Because someone feels desire.” says the gay man.

“FOR WHAT!? It’s gross. Right?” says JFK.

“Jack…describe the what he was like?” says the gay man.

“He did it. And spit. And almost threw-up. And…I called it his supper and thought he should swallow. He ate my cock! …I SUP ported him. Get it!? He ate my cock!! Ha!

…He was raffish. He just had to have my cock for supper!” says JFK laughing to an audience of Eunice to laughs with him now forcefully on cue.

“Man!” says Eunice.

“Jack…he almost threw-up?” says a gay man.

“Yeah. I guess he swallowed a little.” says JFK.

“What did he eat?” says Lacey.

“It’s a joke!” says JFK.

“No. You make it sound literal.” says Lacey. “The way you say it it’s literal.”

JFK looks weird.

“Did he eat your cock!?” says Lacey. “Like for real!?”

“No.” says Jack.

“Then why do you say it that way?” says Lacey.

“Because I’m making a pun!” says JFK.

“That’s not a good joke. You ruined it. You’re pretentiously intelligent and clever. But in reality you’re just a desperate idiot.” says Lacey. “An obsessive idiot.”

“Because he didn’t swallow!??” says Jack.

“YES.” says Lacey. “He never ate anything.”

Jack looks sad.

“You think way too highly of yourself.” she says.

“It’s not funny. It’s embarrassing.” says JFK.

Lacey looks sad. “Yes. I think it is.”

“I was trying to fit it!” he yells at Lacey.

“Well…it would have been smarter to be humble.” says Lacey.

“You’re right.” says Jack, in fear.

“Jack…it just doesn’t seem like he enjoyed it.” says a living gay man.

“Why does that matter!?” says Jack.

“It’s likely he wasn’t actually enjoying it.” says Lance Bass.

“This IS STUPID! She’s still in love with Diego.” says Kate Shaw Hayes, suddenly overtaken with rage.

“Kate…where the connection at?” says a man.

“Because! She’s DELUSIONAL!” says Kate, seething.

Lance Bass laughs.

“No. It sounds like Jack is.” says Peter Thiel.

“How!? Lem pretended to be gay!!? Yeah right! And these are THE KENNEDYS! Sweet Jesus this is dumb! I mean, come on!!!” says Kate, rocking herself back and forth.

“Do you think they’re that normal?” says Lance Bass cautiously.

“They’re THE KENNEDYS!” says Kate.

“Jack…did he ever ask to suck your cock?” asks a gay man.

Jack thinks. “No? I mean…kind of? But…just to ‘get it over with.’” says Jack. “His words.”

“Get it over with???” says Jackie.

“Yeah. He knew I wanted it done. So…he’d occasionally get tired and say, ‘Let’s just get it over with. Come on!’” says Jack.

“What were you trying to do?” says Jackie.

“Make jokes, I guess. I don’t know.” says Jack.

“What are jokes Jack?” asks a woman.

“I was difficult.” says Jack.

“HOW!?” says Lance Bass.

“Sex with other people. Right before.” says Jack. “It’s a joke.”

“And you still expected him to get you hard?” says Lance.

“Yeah.” says JFK.

“Wow. Did he?” asks Lance.

“No. But I got hard. On my own.” says Jack.

“How?” asks Lance.

“I touched myself and looked at him. And thought of him.” says JFK.

“Was he dressed?” says Lance.

“Yeah!” says Jack.

“Cool. So…he just waited?” says Lance.

“Yeah!?” says Jack. “That’s why he got angry. He wanted to get it over with.”

“Huh.

So he used a gay voice?” says Lance.

“He had a gay voice! Yes!!” says Jack.

“And yet you…did not.” says Lance.

“Ha!” says JFK.

“So he was doing what?” says Lance.

“Cleaning? I guess. Or…moving stuff around. …Smoking.” says JFK.

“Smoking.” says Lance. “Seductively?”

“It seemed sexy to me.” says JFK.

Lance tries not to cry. “So…you loved him, Jack.”

Jack tries not to cry.

“Go away!!” yells Jack.

“Why didn’t you just admit that?” says Lacey.

“I didn’t want to admit I was gay.” says Jack.

“And then you’d realize he didn’t care at all.” says Lacey.

“I didn’t protect myself.” says Jack.

“Can one…when they’re being so damned?” says Lacey.

Jack thinks. “No. Not completely. Our only true protection comes from God.”

“Yeah. Let that be a lesson to you.” says Lacey.

“I’m still hurt!” says Jack.

“Jack what did you like about him so much?” asks a woman.

“He liked me!” says Jack.

“What if…he didn’t?” says another woman.

“But he did.” says Jack.

“Not really.” she says.

“He accepted me. And I thought he was coming on to me. But he wasn’t.” says Jack.

“What was he doing?” she says. “He could have been confused and straight and still coming on to you. To be clear.”

“He was cute. …Okay? He had dimples! …And he was big.” says Jack. “And he…smiled an lot and seemed mysterious.”

“Jack that’s not coming on to you.” says an Asian man.

“I know that now!” yells Jack.

“So he was just cute. Full stop. And you got turned on. And we now think he came on to you.” says Bethany.

“Yeah. And he got confused and thought we should be a couple.” says Jack.

“After you came on to him?” says Bethany.

“Yeah. He was…clingy.” says Jack. “Desperate for a relationship. That type of person.”

Bethany’s mouth drops.

“He wanted to be an item. And…I wanted him. But I lied about it. So…we worked out a deal.” says Jack. “He got a pretend relationship. I humored him. And…he sucked my cock.”

Bethany nods.

“So you lied to yourself too!” says Janice Dickinson.

Jack cries. “Yeah.”

“Sweetie you were the only one who was ever really in a relationship.” says a California Real Housewife.

“Isn’t that funny!?” says Jack.

“Yeah. Not smart, dude.” says Lance Bass.

“Did you feel like you were putting out?” asks another Real Housewife.

“No!!” says Jack.

“Maybe you actually weren’t.” says Lance Bass. “But then that’s not normal.”

“Even when you’re receiving!?” says JFK.

“Yes.” says Lance. “In a real, normal, sexual situation. It’s give and take. Freely.”

Billie Eilish nods.

Jack looks stunned.

“So what do you think about that Jack?” says Egypt.

“It’s not what I did. I paid for sex. And took.” says Jack.

Egypt nods.

“Even when you were giving to Jackie?” says Bethany.

“I was taking pleasure. And I knew that.” says Jack.

“So you didn’t grasp that Lem wasn’t actually into it.” says Lance.

“NO.” says Jack.

“Well…he might not have been.” says Lance.

“I know!!” says Jack.

“Wow! So his love letter said what?” says Peter Thiel.

“It said I was his friend. But that he needed to be honest. And he wanted us to be a couple.” says Jack.

“Jack. What did it literally say?” says Peter.

“I don’t remember.” says Jack.

“FOR REAL!??” says Peter, offended.

“It was a long time ago. And I’m not doing so good.” says JFK.

“It said, ‘Dear Jack,

Please don’t be mad. It’s time we became [a couple.] Please don’t tell your dad.’” says a dead woman.

“If it existed.” says a dead CIA operative.

“Okay.” says Peter Thiel.

“That’s all!?” says a gay man.

“YUP!” she says.

“Lem…what the fuck…did you think love was!!?” says Lance Bass.

King Charles III laughs. “You’d be surprised!!” he says. “Calm down!”

Later.

“Shit.

Let’s recap.

Jack was a delusional, idiotic narcissist. And he was backwards. His whole family is and was. That’s almost known.

…Lacey is innocent.

I was innocent…mostly. Some people are misunderstood.

I was a challenge to the people who loved her. And still do. And yet you all love me and hate her. …Perhaps…there’s a lesson there too.” says Princess Diana.

“We cannot be that poor.” says an Old Money woman.

“POOR!?” says Diana.

“$500 pearls?” says the woman.

“With $40 million in land! And NO DEBT.” says Diana.

She closes her eyes. Sighs. “Yeah. Okay. That’s a lot.” she admits.

“They owned what today would be around $40 million. In land. Yes, a farm. …And they owned nothing. To anyone. Ever.” says Diana.

“They never struggled?” she says, trying not to laugh.

Diana looks worried. “What if that’s true?”

The woman catches Diana’s drift. “SHIT.” she says.

“Yeah. Let’s think slowly.” says Diana.

“Oof.” says King Charles III. “See. I knew this would end badly.”

“You know…I know what it is.” says Prince William. “Lacey you’re so contented and relieved being considered what you are. It’s weird to people.” he says.

Lacey involuntarily cries.

“It’s okay.” says Diana. “If there’s reincarnation…we already know.”

“Why are we doing this!?” says Elton John.

“Because she’s too happy being rich.” says Prince William. “They think it’s automatically suspicious.”

“Yeah. I reminded her of Lem. If there’s reincarnation.

That’s okay.” says Prince William. “So he was mean. Like me.”

Awkward silence.

“We’re not mean. We’re factual. Regardless.” says Diana,

“It’s just such a relief.” says Lacey.

“You just wanna go home.” says a knighted actress.

“If there’s reincarnation, yes. It’s like a bad dream.” says Lacey.

“So the Spencer’s had Emperor Constantine in the late 1800’s. In their family. If there’s reincarnation.” says a man. “Very impressive!”

“We’re also royalty now!” says Charles III on his kid’s behalf.

“I’m in trouble.” says a dead gay man.

“Yeah! You all are such losers!!!” yells JFK.

“They pretend to understand. So damn much.” says Lucy.

Jack cries. “I don’t need this!!” he says.

“Jack. Just don’t do it again!” says Japan.

“But I’m sad!” says Jack.

“Yeah!” says a Japanese woman, empathetically.

“You can’t be taking this seriously!!” says Lance Bass.

“SHUT-UP!!! WE DO NOT HAVE THAT MUCH CERTAINTY! YOU IDIOTS!” she yells.

“Kamala!?” whines a gay man.

“YOU said he wasn’t gay. And he wasn’t.” says JFK.

They panic.

“What if he really was faking it?” says Peter Thiel, sincerely.

“We’d KNOW!” says Chris Hayes.

“Not necessarily.” says Peter.

“No. I probably just used a confused straight man.” says JFK.

“That’s not something a gay man would ever do!” says a twee living gay man.

“Are you serious!?” says a lesbian. “Are you seriously that dumb!?”

“I can’t help it. This is telepathy. I guess I am.” he says.

“So you guys really don’t want to admit this is even theoretically possible?” she says.

“Yeah.” says Harvey Weinstein.

“He had power over us because he lied less about shit like this.” says an African actress.

“Why is it so bad!? You guys are human!” says a straight man.

“It’s challenging. It forces us to question our whole…identity.” says a gay man.

“Because he truly fooled you all.” says a living man.

“Yeah.” says Peter. “They don’t want to admit they’re that vulnerable.”

“Why?” says Ann Coulter.

“Because it’s…terrifying.” says a white, upper middle class…gay…cis male.

“People can imitate you.” says a living straight man.

“Come on!” says Chris. “That much!?”

“YEAH! That much!!” yells Micheal.

“Hey! What if Diego wasn’t the genius you thought he was, Chris?” says JD Rockefeller.

“I’ve never seen him be that wrong.” says Chris.

“Well…he was.” says Lem.

“Chris. He’s telling you he’s using you to end the world.” says a far left activist,

“That’s not him when he says that.” says Chris.

“You’re RETARDED!” says an exasperated CIA agent to him.

“Ya think!!?” says a white male working class male who hates him.

“So…you came on to him. He was a genius. And…he accidentally made the bad call that he was gay. And you got into an idiotic narcissistic relationship…that was totally selfish and self-destructive. And he got…destroyed…while he tried to be honorable?” says a comedian to JFK.

“DUH!” says Jack.

“Would he fool us today?” says Peter Thiel.

“Yeah! Because you’re all stupid!” says JFK, exasperated.

Japan laughs.

“Maybe some people would know.” says an Asian woman.

“WHO!?” says Jack. “DAMMIT.”

“I think I would know, Jack.” says Peter Thiel.

“Would you?” says Jack.

Peter thinks. “Yeah.” he says.

“I didn’t. And I’m supposed to be a genius. Right?” says JFK.

“You knew!” says Peter.

“In my evil…yes. But…I’m nice. And sometimes I forget. And I feel sad. Okay? I did really forget sometimes. I was…unwell.” says JFK.

“He’s being honest. What do you want?” says Japan.

“We can’t handle it!” says a living American gay man. “We just can’t handle her.”

“Why!?” says King Charles III.

“Because we’re not that…correct.” says a man.

“Well she’s not disappearing. I didn’t really either.” says Diana.

“I’m sorry I disappointed you.” says JFK.

“So you came on to him!?” says Peter.

“Yeah.” says JFK.

They can’t believe it.

“And he may have written a note. But it was shit.” says Bethany.

“I mean he was confused.” says JFK.

Bethany nods.

“You came on to him!?” says Peter. “Wow.”

“What!?” says Jack.

“I agree.” says Japan.

“But you were ashamed!” says Peter, stupidly.

“I WAS HORNY!” says JFK. “And I lied to myself very well.”

“Yup. End of story. Theoretically, at least.” says Japan.

“What did you tell yourself?” says a gay man.

“That I wanted sex!!! Hot sex!” says JFK. “And…Lem was coming on to me by being so hot. Around me. So…being smart…and nice, I had to…help the situation along.”

“You got into him. But you narcissistically imagined he was doing something.” says a lesbian.

“Yeah.” says JFK.

“So he was curious and tried you.” says a gay man.

“Yup. He thought maybe I was different.” says JFK. “But I wasn’t. But…he knew it was serious.

I grabbed his cock. And told him to…do something to me. And he got scared. Really scared. And then he thinks and tries kissing. But that’s weird for him. So he tries- I suggest he suck my cock.” says Jack. “AND he did. Awkwardly. But that’s okay. …And then we finished. Or I did… And then he decides we should be officially together.” says JFK.

They’re gobsmacked.

“Did you ever touch him?” says Peter.

“He didn’t like it. And I found it degrading.” says Jack.

“Are we done!?” says an Englishman.

They’re still struggling.

“So you came on to him!?” says Peter Thiel.

“YEAH!” says JFK. “I did that. I came on to people.”

“Of both genders.” says Peter.

“Yeah!!” yells JFK. “Why did you think otherwise!?!”

“We were told people threw themselves at you. Always.” says a living gay man, sincerely.

“They did. Yeah. …But I was very vicious. I cornered men and women. Often.” says JFK.

“So Lem was a time bomb.” says a psychic.

Jack thinks.

“So you came on to HIM!?” says Peter.

“YES!!” says Jack.

“No.” says a gay man involuntarily whimpering.

“You came on to him!??” says Peter, still in shock.

“Yeah. It’s all a lie. I was into him. But I lied.” says JFK.

And that’s where I’ll end that.