“The End Of Grace” by Lem

September 26th, 2024

The following post is a disaster. Lacey wrote it to make a joke. And to warn the world. And Vladimir Putin either in the current world through the Illuminati or in the afterlife tried to help her.

But Jack Kennedy shouldn’t have been born.

“Lem. Can I talk to you?” asks a gay man in the Illuminati.

Yeah! Sure.

“I see a gay man there.” he says.

Putin rolls his eyes. “I DON’T!” yells Vladimir Putin.

Eleven Thousand Six Hundred And Sixty-Nine Died by Johann Jóhannsson plays.

“He looks straight.” says Lacey, finally. She’s lost her patience.

Satan laughs maniacally at all gay men.

“I would like to finish.” says Chris Dodds.

“Maybe later!” yells Lem.

“Just because you’re gay doesn’t mean you’re not heartless. Your flag? It’s toast.” says Satan. “Get ready for it to be burned.”

“Who?” says Anderson Cooper.

“You.” says Satan. “Gay men.”

“Makes sense!” says a psychologist.

“I don’t think Lem was gay anymore. I’ve just looked at that photo and I don’t actually see the homosexuality.” says a straight living man. He’s a Boomer. “How does he look any more gay than Lane Pryce!? You’re full of shit!” he yells. “You’re too arrogant to just admit she’s right. …Or he’s right. I’m not sure how to say it. But it’s so fucking obvious. …He’s…kinda straight looking. And it does kinda seem to be an act.”

The Leftovers, “The Quality of Mercy” by Max Richter plays.

“God is merciful. But He’s also just.” says Michael Rockefeller. “I’ve warned you.”

“The homosexuality looks like an act to you?” asks the stupidly serious gay man.

“For the record I am not part of that crowd. I honestly am not that emotionally attached to him being gay and it’s kind of fucked-up to me too.” says Anderson Cooper.

“Dude he looks straight. I just said that! The act obviously is homosexuality.” says the straight Boomer.

“ you know this is getting creepy because Anderson I am seeing myself at a dinner party in your house and I feel like I’m on the part of the table where it’s further to the right with a white linen tablecloth and I’m sitting with Lem’s and I am relaxed and it’s delightful and it’s a wonderful dinner and I feel very at home and very welcome and I think why don’t they like the fact that lame is nuts with me too regardless of why why can’t they just handle the fact that he’s with me?

And then I look around and I see love him and how relaxed he is and how happy we are to be out at your dinner and the people who are there what is home but I don’t know it could be my father or Lauren Bacall, or somebody and it strikes me as a part of the reason why I am excepted by certain people is because there’s some thing about me that feels familiar to you or someone else and that weirdly is like it’s been in my head but I don’t think I’ve processed it into entirely until tonight. They really don’t feel that comfortable around you do that or whoever is making me feel welcome?” says Lacey.

“ no we don’t we don’t we don’t feels comfortable I mean I’m not as bad as some people possibly but I I think you are a bit of a ditz and yeah no there’s not that comfortability with a lot of people Anderson Cooper. I don’t know why you’re so comfortable but you seem extremely comfortable and that’s not creepy to me it’s more it’s interesting and I’m sure that must be kind of weird to you what does that feel like that I’m not comfortable?” says a gay man.

“ are you talking about my birth mother potentially because if you are, that is creepy to me.” says Lacey.

“ you know maybe subconsciously we are sweetie if you’re a legitimate, do we feel like your birth mother to you?” says another gay man.

“ if I am illegitimate possibly it is actually so much traumatic because it’s like what am I gonna do oh no what am I gonna do and if I’m illegitimate I wonder if that’s what it is because it’s like there’s Lauren Call there’s people who I feel comfortable with possibly even my father and it’s daddy and it’s safe and it’s warm and it’s perfectly fine. It’s where I belong but then I think they don’t like my mommy or mommy is weird remind me it’s not like me and why isn’t mommy here if I’m illegitimate I think I am thinking that and yeah it is traumatic because I don’t want mommy excluded why is mommy excluded? Do I not have a mommy anymore with the Hells going on yeah it’s very if I’m illegitimate it’s very jarring to my subconscious.” says Lacey.

“ yeah and you have service here in ilumiNATTI work. I might even be somewhat like your birth mother if you’re a little illegitimate, which is why you’re hurt and baffled possibly because you think I don’t understand I don’t understand why everyone’s so mad at me I don’t get this because it just feels like the gay community is taking it so personally, that lamb isn’t gay and yeah and you’re just like why is it such a big deal you’re not all Mary’s my husband why are you all so personally affected I don’t get it.” he says.

“ we’re not we’re not him to be honest with you you had a realization and we kind of stole it from you slightly because it’s effective and you’re not trying to be affective possibly you’re excepted by people who everyone wants to be excepted by the queen Anderson, Cooper, Lauren, McCall and that’s because if there’s reincarnation your Scotia, and the whole entire day of Scotland is literally named after you and you’re married to the emperor of the first Christian country I mean you’re an in credibly, big deal historically speaking you’re one of the biggest deals in all human history sincerely if if we don’t go on for more than yeah, but I will still say you’re someone up there even if you live another thousand years but no you’re one of the bigger deals in human history possibly top 100 to be really honest with you you’re married to Constantine for eternity, your Scotia you discover the illuminati in your bedroom in Seattle on Twitter accidentally that’s not typical, so no, you’re one of the bigger deals in human history who would really be more impressive than you not that many people if any, I’m not kidding, so Anne Ingman you’re extremely beautiful too and sexy and top of that like that’s not typical so yeah if there’s reincarnations you get in with people because you’re the big deal at the dinner party Lacey, yours emperor, Constantine‘s wife and your his like twin flame and I don’t think it’s easy to separate from Sam’s personally and so yeah that is not typical experience but then, for whatever reason because you’re so sweet in your Scotia, and you must want to be a different person at times that you are your boy. You’re a target because you’re really I like violets you’re sweet you’re unassuming your dark you’re not this blonde Tuesday to the center of attention and I think it unfortunately makes people target you because you’re so gentle and reserved well doll and of course you would be if your gums are inflamed you’re yeah you’re the spicy feminine side of him but you’re probably still quite gentle relatively speaking but that’s the thing, so I don’t think you know what that’s like necessarily to be on the outside of that looking in because whenever you looked in, if you keep looking and long enough, they let you win and then they invite you to the table and start talking to you. That’s not typical most people if they stare at a dinner party like that don’t get invited to sit down, pull up a chair and start talking most people are rejected one way or another and so they get loud and they get boisterous and they try to fit in my think some people in the gay community are attached alarm for stupid Pedi narcissistic reasons you know why it’s because he isn’t as he’s like an accessory. He makes a Sim probably more elegance in elite.

But that’s just bullshit at the end of the day, because if we can’t stand for ourselves and the elegance in the lead than what even are we why we take herself so seriously and that way, if it’s not just some thing, we all are, and frankly we were maybe we all aren’t, and that’s sort of a mess slightly and as part of the reason, this is so jarring, right because love was elegant, but maybe is more of a straight man than a gay man And it’s hard for some of us to except that that some of us are in is all against him and he’s possibly straight 888 think that’s the thing though just also say give us a minute and we’ll catch up sweetie. How did you know he was straight? I’m not trying to be crass, but just imagine I am your mom I’m not, but how did you know he was straight?” he says.

Lacey tries not to cry. “ i’m sorry just imagining you as my mom makes me wanna cry just a second.

You know, I wonder if that’s a little creepy imagine you as my mom you know you’re not a woman, but there is some part of you that I can talk to you if that makes any sense.

I can’t talk to them that way, and I think some part of me knew that the minute that I looked at him how about that?” says Lacey.

“ that makes a lot of sense no because I mean think about it she doesn’t have a mother necessarily who’s actually loving it’s possible she’s always wanted a secret gay friend who is actually gay and really cares about her and that maybe never happened but I wouldn’t be surprised if that was somewhere in her subconscious and so she probably saw them and thought oh I was like oh wait no that’s not it that’s not a gay man.

What more specifically physically though did you pick up on?” says Anderson Cooper.

“ I picked up on the fact I picked up on the fact I picked up on the facts of pie. I picked up on the fact‘s eyes. It is creepy sorry I’m in the CIA and yes Colin Farrell is being protective of Lacey as a Celtic person, and she actually is responding to that which is interesting is there is reincarnation yeah he looks almost Scottish, you’ll have to hold on just a second.” says the CIA.

“ yeah, I probably should clean my room a little more.” says Lacey.

“ OK I’ll Alam I’ll have to answer this and then maybe I’ll have to do a little vacuuming or something. Yeah it really is disturbing how much safer I fell in Great Britain and Ireland.” says Lacey.

“ well, you’re either buried in Ireland in a good way I have a feeling or not but for whatever reason we’re safer than most people even though apparently were angry at you you know that there’s possibly some bullshit there.” says Colin Farrell.

“ there is especially if she’s close to my husband yeah!” says Zelda.

“ yeah and if she’s misunderstood some thing and she’s actually married to an Irishman you’re right with the last name of hill but you know I mean yeah it’s like that must be awful not knowing.” says Colin to Lacey.

“ yes, it is. Yeah, it actually is. It’s really awful.” says Lacey.

“ I don’t think it’s likely that it’s not lame but I think you would be mortified if you were wrong, but not because it’s an ego thing necessarily but just because you put a lot of effort into trying to figure out the truth.” says Colin.

“ I do!” says Lacey.

Silence.

“ how did I know he was gay?” says Lacey,

“ Lacey, let’s just come out with that you like that conversation you felt better with him than you do with most people. He’s also a very wealthy actor but you feel far more comfortable with me.” says Anderson.

“ you feel safe to me in a very deep level Anderson whether you are not no I don’t feel like I have to put on. It’s just a show with you. I think I can pretty much just be myself which is actually really disturbing on a certain level, but anyway so, basically I think it’s mostly just that a call so you’re not going to like this it’s his shoulders it’s his eyes it’s his mouse. It’s all of his physical features. I’ve said this before I’m sorry.” says Lacey.

“ I think it’s possible people really are born gay are and it’s somehow biological and I’ve never been convinced of that but I’ve also not been convinced that it isn’t somehow genetic or something biological and I think for people like us who think that’s possible and who grew up around people who are very bigoted, but not at the same time because you know those people to possibly they’re hateful towards gay people and yet at the same time if you tell them you’re gay they’re not hateful they don’t stop being nice to you. It’s just you kind of wonder what they were thinking the whole time or what they’re thinking after you tell them and it’s very awkward, but it doesn’t alter that much.

But that’s the thing you knew that I wasn’t straight you were you vividly recall looking at me on the news and people pointing out to you how attractive I was women and you thought to yourself you and I think you thought I was gay and you thought I was fake or maybe not fake but you just thought what is this there’s something weird here listen if this is a real conversation someone heard you because you were loud and you probably said something like he’s fake or it’s obvious that he’s not straight or something and I don’t even know who heard you, but I wonder I really do it creeps me out to be honest with you, Lacey it could’ve been Jeffrey Epstein Where were you when you thought that so loudly?” says Anerson,

“ I was in a nice part of New Jersey about an hour or two outside of New York City.” says Lacey

“ you were in an old money house Devon linger case you were in a violin Goerke house in New Jersey.” says Anderson.

“ yes, I was a fun linger key van linger kids. No Von. Linger. Lee. Anyway, I was in one of their houses and um. Yeah they were sort of that. They are old money, very certifiably and away and yeah, that was where I had the thought a woman who had married into that family thought you were really hot and I looked at you and I thought no. He’s a tractive, but there’s something weird.” says Lacey.

“ yeah and I was closeted at that point almost entirely and there were a lot of women who had crushes on me. Did you look down on them?” he says.

“ yes I did. I did look at that. I did look down on those lightly because I realized that there was something weird and I just thought why all these women things that he would date that this is so strange.” says Lacey.

“ What are you were right I was not straight and it was actually really irritating but at the same time it was good for my career, but it was also problematic because I had to pretend to be straight at times and most women fall for at least most women do most women fall for it Lacey most women fall for it I’m sorry but most women fall for it.” says Anderson.

Lacey takes a deep breath.

“ yeah and then this is why I feel bad because if there’s reincarnation, I was friends with gave that and that’s part of how I knew because I was exposed to it and I knew gay men and I I just know what they look like I was also raised by one, but then that’s frustrating because it’s like where does it end up being just that I was raised by one and then where is it that I was reincarnated I don’t know him and I’m so I’m sorry if I was reincarnated I apologize to you because I probably five more offensive to people that I realize and I’m probably more comfortable around you for a reason but then I don’t know that.” 

Later.

“My room is considerably cleaner.” says Lacey.

“Yup!” says Grandpa Pantell with a smile.

“ I didn’t realize that you were actually in the upper class Lacey.” says Chris Hayes.

“ except that’s an upper class. Upper class is like about being a billionaire I just refuse to except that it’s not about how much money people have.” says Ms. Jones. 

“ well, that’s stupid that shows that you have very very little understanding of a lot of things but I guess you went to Harvard because your father bought your way in and yet you’re too backward in middle class to realize that that doesn’t mean shit and that your stupidity will embarrass the hell out of you because you weren’t raised very well.” says Lacey.

“ she’s dizzy and she doesn’t know whether not she was reincarnated and actually she’s right do you actually think that that’s sad.” says Anderson.

“ no it’s there they’re not wrong there’s nothing you and it’s affecting you, so they just proved you wrong and yet you’re too stubborn to admit that.” says Anderson’s mom.

“but there’s a different lifestyle how does that not affect a person?” she says.

“ instead of saying, but anything how about you answer to what I just said I wanna say fuck you.” says the woman.

“ she probably figured out that you meant that because that’s Gloria Vanderbilt and she was really smart so sorry I would do what she says I will try to figure out what she was implying and then you know process thoughts and respond to her instead of just coming back with more bullshit” says Lacey.

“ OK it does affect me but it might come back is that I get affected anytime someone stops me even if they’re poor and it actually might not be the same so you could be right but submit Lacey how do you how are you feel like the lifestyle doesn’t affect people psychologically?” she says.

“ that’s an interesting question. I think it does affect people psychologically that wasn’t a clever way to attack me putting words in my mouth. I don’t actually do that to people at eight I trap them there’s a difference, but you know at least that’s what I’m trying to do you’re just putting words in my mouth. I never said that it didn’t affect them psychologically what I said and don’t tell me to stop acting the way that I’m acting I’m being myself if you can’t handle it fuck you.

The thing is sweetheart if I’m gonna be even more condescending unintentionally actually that possibly and it’s not that different it’s really not I think people try to make it different but once you’re past a certain level of wealth, it’s really not that different there’s not that much difference I’m sorry social class is different that is very complex but the lifestyle isn’t that much different. I’m sorry it’s not put pronounce me how is different? You’re the one with all the money in this conversation right now anyway, bring out to me how vastly different us go ahead be my guest.” says Lacey.

Lacey eats.

“ I just let you eat and be alone to me that’s upper class.” she said.

“ i’m not impressed. I’m sorry answer my question.” says Lacey 

“ we have a private plane.” she says.

“ so what!?” says Lacey.

Later.

“Are you really that bored by it?!” she says.

“YES!!” screams Lem.

“Why?” says Bill Gates.

“It’s just bad for the environmental, dull, and useless. And a waste of money.” says Lacey.

Michael laughs.

“We CC like to conserve.” says Lem.

“A yacht!?” says Bezos.

“No. Not unless it’s for the Queen.” says Lacey.

“Yachts scare her. The ocean is big.” says Lem.

“County estates!” says Jeff Bezos.

“Yes!! But…they’re dangerous. …Beautiful but dangerous.” says Lacey.

“You’re such a Minnesotan.” says Mark Dayton to Lacey.

“I am.” says Lacey.

“It’s pretty safe.” says a man to Lacey.

“Yes.” says Lacey.

“It’s endless money.” says Ms. Jones.

“Except it’s not.” says Lem.

“Does having money scare you?” asks Ms. Jones.

“Losing it? Yes.” says Lacey.

“You’re not feeling that yet?” says Lem.

“Yes.” she says.

“Then how is it any different?” says Lacey.

“Bigger house?” says a man.

“Meh.” says Lacey.

He nods. Thinks. Stares.

“But you know how to pick out everything.” he says.

“Yes! But that’s class. Not money. So to speak.” says Lacey.

“My clothes, smell amazing without perfume.” says Ms. Jones.

“Can I be honest who gives a shit?? I mean that’s nice if people are smelling you all the time.” says Lacey.

“ her family does all were the largest oil reserves in the entire world so keep that in mind that’s like literally billions of dollars Rashida so you’re millions are impressive but they’re not actually as impressive as what they have.” says the CIA.

“ part of the reason we’re not attacking the US more is because of Lacey and the fact that her family has as much oil as they do as long as ilumiNATTI recognizes that and she recognizes the importance of her doing. We are fine with not attacking the US, and there are other reasons as well, but she is definitely a part of the reason in this conversation I just thought you should know that.” says Russia.

“ Because she’s in love with Putin and yet she’s with love but she’s in love and he knows that and he knows that she’s as supportive as she can be which for him just means that she’s supportive OK what would you be doing if we weren’t on good terms with you?” says Anderson.

“ well, I would be threatening you even more, and there would probably be some sort of economic repercussion that would be devastating to the US. We would ring your ducks I know you wouldn’t be able to do a damn thing about it.” says North Korea.

“ so you’re you’re stopping that from that because he actually cares about her?” says Bobby. 

“ yeah but she also supports him so it’s not just that they were in love her that they are but then she’s with Lutin. It’s it’s that she supports him like she actually supports him as much as she can and her Christian cause conscience and so he has a sense the spiritual support of pretty much all major oil producers whether they want to except that or not.” says China.

“ i’m curious, can you produce anything that impressive about you?” someone asks Ms. Jones.

“ That I’m like preventing nuclear war with my body and power? No.” says Ms. Jones.

“ It’s not just her body though it’s her money.” says Lem.

“ Oil is still relevant.” says Iran.

“True!” says Israel.

“ so that actually does protect him which is why he’s able to back off?” says a reader.

“ Yes he has fewer people dying. His strategies are more successful at least on occasion because of her family support and he has other people supporting him but they’re Christians and they have a lot of oil so they have a lot of dominion. Yeah, I said the word dominion that was cold by the way dominion is a Christian concept and so it’s possible Tucker Carlson was working on some thing very covert But anyway no they have dominion over North America and oil and so he’s able to use that there might’ve been a nuclear problem in Minnesota like a spill or something in the last few years because of Lacey’s support for Russia but it was very contained Louis actually was helpful with that. God allowed Louis to be used to help protect Minnesota, and giving their in God‘s favor because she’s such a strong Christian so things could be far worse but because she worships God and tries so hard to be a good Christian is, she may have actually prevented nuclear war war on more than one occasion, I think there was once or twice when Putin actually had to talk her down in the last two years Because she was ready to kill everybody and he talked her out of it that was like once, but that’s a very rare occasion. Yeah, things got that bad and she started thinking that given all the child sex slavery in the world and disease and poverty that we would all just be better dead.” says the CIA. “ that’s the thing though he’s not an idiot and and I don’t know if you’ve been in the mood to kill people when she was in the mood to end everything. Yeah I almost think they would’ve ended up talking each other out of it. Anyway, I know what I mean. It’s all very obviously long-distance connection and he may have somebody else that is more certain in Russia but they have had a bond and it obviously is not something that will continue. Our has continued even but it, she treats him like a czar and well she’s an aristocrat. She’s not stupid enough to think that without a genuine rejection of him that she can actually reject him so if she actually wanted to reject him she could and she has she is right now possibly but it’s with the idea that it’s because of Latin and for the fact that he’s in Russia and she’s in the United States but that that’s the thing so it’s that they’re separated by no distance and that there’s someone probably with that he’s with most likely and then she’s with him so it’s like well no but I’m not saying that I’m not attracted to you I haven’t been, at least and I’m understands that it’s not him. That’s actually a pretty enormous compliment that she’s turning down historic Hazard to be with him.”

“ did you have a fling with Bashar al Assad?” says a woman.

“ She flirted with me in college telepathically. If there’s an illuminati without knowing it, it was just one evening she thought she was imagining talking to me and I had no idea what entity I was channeling, but it was her most likely, and it was a flirtatious conversation was just one conversation, but she thought I was good looking.” he says,

“ I am did you hit it off?” says the CIA.

“ yes we did. I think she probably gets along frankly better with Putin, and I would be surprised if lemons, her twin flame but yes, we probably got along very well. I mean it wasn’t her and Putin have a lot between them. It wasn’t like that, but it was something pleasant, I think we got along very well.” he says.

“ she would never do that to me if she was with me even though she’s being careful which means something think you know what you’re doing right now.” says Putin.

“ I could you tell us more about what your clothes smell like?” says Lem.

“What do her clothes smell like?” asks Casi.

“Perfume. And sweat.” says Lacey.

A perfume collector feels comforted and yet so bored. He begins to doze off.

“Did you ever watch Sesame Street?” Lacey asks Lem.

“Yes.” says Lem.

“Did you feel despair?” asks Lacey.

“Yes.” says Lem.

“I felt that with you. Years later. When I watched it. HOW?!?” says Lacey.

He smiles. “The music?”

“Yes! I felt like a drug addict living in New York City. Literally. But I couldn’t put it into words.” says Lacey.

“Those were late 70’s reruns. In the early 1980’s.” says Lem.

“HOW!?” says Lacey.

“We’re the same person. Essentially.” he says.

“The music?” says Lacey.

“No. And yet…what scared you?” he says.

“Molestation! But not what I experienced. …And drugs. I felt like I was going to overdose.” says Lacey.

“Did you feel ashamed?” says Lem.

“Extremely. And…very nostalgic.” says Lacey.

“I hated Bert and Ernie. They terrified me.” says Lem.

“Too close to home.” says Lacey.

“Yah.” says Lem. “Why…is Bert…so…happy?”

“Because you weren’t.” says Lacey.

“Yes.” says Lem.

“Lem! I felt your emotions!! YOUR EMOTIONS! I…FELT YOUR emotions. And I thought they were mine.” says Lacey.

“It wasn’t my ghost. You know that. But that’s part of the reason why it was so ugly. Because I couldn’t be with you.” says Lem. “You felt…my lingering consciousness. Not residual energy. Or me. But…my consciousness…attached itself to you. Because we’re the same person. Almost as if…my body was…resurrected. Through you. Except not. But essentially…my mind…left…thoughts behind.

How? …Drugs. Not residual energy. So…when I was high…my spirit was contorted. And my thoughts left my body at times. Because I was in so much pain. So my thoughts were looking for a home.” says Lem. “ I felt numb, but not really.”

“ so then they left your body and found her??!?” says a psychic.

“ yes essentially yeah and I actually was straight believe it or not I think if you could see me the way she does you would be baffled by this conversation the way we are because I really was straight and it’s hard to say it but if you could read, it’s hard to know how to say it but if you could read my energy which you should really be able to do you could tell that I was straight how can you not shit I’m so obviously straight if you’re a psychic by a sexual energy is very heterosexual. It’s creepy that you guys can’t see it.

Anyway, yeah, when she was born at the time, she was about three or four she was sensing my thoughts as though they were hers.” says Lem.

“ what does that feel like?” says Lem.

“ Extraordinarily disorienting because something or someone kept telling me that I was a fat, self-loathing sexy but like not sexy molestation victim, who is like a drug addict and it was so sharp that a times I’ve wondered if that was actually me I wondered if it was actually me, but no, it wasn’t it was you, but I really wonder if it was me because I literally felt like I lived in New York City.” says Lacey.

“ did you feel guilty about using drugs?” he says.

“ i’ve felt profoundly guilty and just shamed. Yes, I felt an extraordinary amount of guilt and shame it was awful. It was really awful. It was sort of like it was sort of like I was trapped in a kept coming to me that I was like this molestation victim, who was living in this perverse sexual lifestyle, or I was letting myself be totally taken advantage of to the point where I was profoundly ashamed of myself and I thought why do I hate myself? I’m not that bad of a person three but I thought oh my goodness I really fucked up life. But I was only three so I remember thinking his thoughts and being like you know, my life is hell I am in serious trouble. My life is in hell of a drug addict living in New York City and I’m going to end up dead and this woman I’m watching, doesn’t even know me I remember thinking over and over. She knows me but she doesn’t really know me. She doesn’t really know me. She knows me though she’s got to know me. Yeah she knows me. Everyone knows everyone but she doesn’t really know me and why don’t I have a friend? Did you find that lady attractive?” says Lacey

“ oh, no, no but it’s like well um I think I might have a wish I could take her on a date. It wasn’t that I found her attractive and that way, but she was older and I was old and I think I thought she was age-appropriate, but she was still so much looking for her age, Maria and I probably thought no she’s not any she’s not that great looking but she’s kind of pretty in her own way and why couldn’t I have a friend like that? Why can’t I have a female friend and boyfriend? Yeah, I do being girlfriend but I’m a lady friend you know friend wink wink but it’s not. It’s not like it wasn’t even really with her. It was like I was yeah it was the yeah it was the idea it was the idea of having a girlfriend I I didn’t find her that attractive but I think I thought she was so much good looking I didn’t really notice her but I I did at the same time you know what I mean it’s like I notice her but I didn’t really notice her and so it’s like she’s she’s attractive but I’m not like that attracted to her but she’s kind of attractive and why can’t I have any female companionship at all? I’m so desperate what was that like experiencing that I know I was not that attracted to her I really wasn’t you’re not afraid of that but there’s something trying to hurt you and it’s not it’s not like that I mean it wasn’t like what I watched so to speak at night in the magazines it wasn’t like it would’ve been a replacement for you know they wouldn’t have replaced you so to speak and no Jack wasn’t a replacement for you either actually though I think it was that’s where I was going with that and what was that like though for you as a little girl, having those thoughts?” says Lem.

“ They were so bizarre and I’m straight and it was a child just like I was a child and I was straight so I was kind of like this is just weird I’m not like this is just weird like what the hell is going through my head right now like this is just like what what is what is this this is strange it was like oh OK and then I was like OK well that was weird experience. My brain would go that it was heard of pass, but then I would keep coming back to the music in the background and to be perfectly honest with you if we’re reincarnated, I started missing you, I started missing you and it became incredibly depressing and I wouldn’t be surprised if that’s why I became slightly suicidal with her three because I started thinking about you if there’s a big carnation in there might not be but if there is, I actually found Sesame Street extraordinarily depressing I still do because I heard the music and I thought of you and then you weren’t there and I just felt profoundly alone it was miserable But then I would get distracted by these thoughts that I was a drug addict in New York City and I would think that doesn’t make any sense. I was sort of possibly tell myself this doesn’t make sense. This doesn’t make sense so if there’s being carnation, I think I broke the fourth wall in my own brain when I was about three or three years old, that is very frustrating. I wish I knew whether not there was a ring carnation, but now it made is if there is admit it made of signs and say I don’t know where they’re not there is, but even if there isn’t, it made no sense because it’s just it’s like how can I three year old be a drug addict in New York City?” says Lacey.

“ how did you reconcile that then?” says Lem.

“ are you trying to emphasize the humor of her in this situation or is that just happening?” says a gay man.

“ It’s just happening.” says Lem.

“ yeah I don’t know I couldn’t reconcile it. It’s haunted me. That’s prosperously why I brought it up because it’s like what is this it was actually quite scary because biscuit if you were a ghost and were the same person, it literally did feel like it was me not like I was channeling someone like it was me, and so it was like I am a drug addict in New York City but I am sitting in Minnesota on a sofa and I’m a three year old little girl but yet I know that I’m a drug addict and I’m living in New York. And it’s very important that I know that I’m a drug addict. I think I might’ve thought that it’s very important that I recognize that about myself and then I think I did start thinking now I’m dead a little bit but then it was so weird because then I was there was in myself. No I’m very much alive. I’m very much alive person how do I have a drug addiction and I watch Sesame Street well I am hi I’m not home right now. I’m not high right now and if there’s reincarnation, I may have even said to myself I know I’m not your friend. No it’ll be honest with you if there’s a big Carnation at three I think I was more panicked that I’ve possibly been since in my entire life because it was very scary because it was just like brain malfunction. I know I’m not high, I’m three I know I’m in Minnesota on a sofa but I’m definitely in New York City right now on drugs and I have a serious problem and that and that’s really concerning to me but but I don’t think that it’s something I’m going to easily be able to solve because I need to date women And I can’t and then I would’ve I thought because I don’t I’m not attracted to women and episode of the child I would’ve. This is my brain and since we started possibly rejecting your thoughts, because my brain would’ve said no, this isn’t us. Literally I have a feeling my little three-year-old girl brain thought that straight thought. No I don’t think this is us.

And I think a little part of me started laughing in my head, because I thought very weird kind of funny. And I think for a few brief seconds, I was laughing if if if there’s if there’s red carnation I started laughing. I don’t know totally outside of time in my own head when I was three and I was just like this is this is this is nuts this is this is this is absurd and yeah it became. There’s a few reforms where I started laughing in my head at three and and then that’s where it was very difficult because it yeah there anyway I rejected it. I thought this is it me I can’t possibly be needing to date women I feel like that kept coming to me you should date women used to date women and I thought no I can’t. I’m a little girls, that doesn’t make any sense and then yeah and then my brain will turn off. Thank God I hadn’t been that messed up and then I thought to myself you know why the fuck would I date what that doesn’t even make any sense why the fuck would I date women this is nuts. My brain is nuts and then it’s possible if there is reincarnation that God literally said to me that’s not your brain because that’s what I’m getting a weird memory of or some thing is God saying that’s not your brain to me when I was about three of him saying that’s not your brain that’s not your brain like that’s not you you’re not nuts it’s like you’re hearing from the spirit you’re hearing in spirit you’re hearing spiritually and then my little voice was like oh OK in my head to myself that makes sense I’m hearing from spirits OK cool But boy that was weird cause I thought that was me and then I think when I watch the show again, it would come back to me again and then I would. I would keep reminding myself of that Jesus himself may have told me at three or four it’s like oh this is it my brain This is something weird that I don’t understand that it’s like spiritual and I’m just gonna kind of chill with it and just experience whatever the heck this is because it’s not me there’s something weird going on but to this day when I watch Sesame Street sweetie, I still experience you I still watch it and I still feel like I’m you I can’t get rid of it, and to be honest what I was in New York City. I felt like you too at times, it was actually really quite scary except it I think why do I imagine that I had an apartment in New York City? Who is that?” says Lacey.

“ I know you mean old New York that was a ghost of a woman who may have been trying to figure out what was going on with you because she was scared and so she started trying to make herself you the way that she sensed that I had happened to you to see what was happening in your head just out of curiosity, but then she cut you off and be like no it’s not you, but why was it so believable that you had an apartment in New York? Well, that’s where things get creepy that was a Rita possibly or it could’ve been someone else who actually grew up in New York who had family who had some penthouse or some thing in New York or I could’ve been someone in loves family or someone in your family so that would be your memory but it could actually be like a genetic memory of yours of some sort in some weird way or it’s like it’s Tom’s memory, or there’s somebody that you were very similar to in his family if you’re actually related to him who had that experience and your brains are so similar and you’re so unusual that you accidentally felt as though you were her it’s some thing like that where your brain got confused so there might not be rain Carnation but if there is then yeah it’s pretty crazy.” says a woman.

“What are our you kind of like a bitch?” says a woman.

“ there are people who are like me personality wise possibly or even look like me people call bitch but to be honest with you I’ve never understood why they called them that and I don’t know why I’m one either I don’t get it. How are we bitches? I don’t see how they are either.” says Lacey.

“ oh, I don’t know I got along with you.” says a woman. “ who said that about me is someone that you’re still in contact with?”

“ no.” says Lacey.

“ we do look a little bit like it’s a little no redo or bone structure you’ve aged like me too and we have similar taste that’s creepy because no I don’t feel like I’m a bitch I don’t think you’re one either. Let’s let them answer I don’t get it either.” she says.

“ yeah are used to be friends with you people but as I’ve aged, you started to hate me. Why?” says Lacey.

“ who is this woman married to someone who is important to the school” says a man.

“ Yes!” she says.

“ I just don’t understand it because when I was in college people who now probably hate me, I’m gonna call me a bitch to would’ve confided in me and talk about this woman behind her back and they would’ve said all that woman is a bitch did she was she mean to you like what did she say to you? Are you OK, and now I’m just like what the fuck!? Everything I think that woman might’ve been a little catty and mean herself and it’s like I think you could’ve been the caddy person I would say to her at this point, but at the time that she said that to me, she didn’t think I was there was something about her were even if that’s true, she didn’t recognize me as being that woman as it is like a young adult. And I don’t understand what changed in their minds I just I don’t get it.” says Lacey.

“ I hear you.” says the woman.

“ oh fuck!” says Chris Dodds.

“ speaking of which I bet that’s probably what it was. Lacey didn’t have a boyfriend and they knew that and I think if she had been sleeping around more they would’ve realize that she really was as pretty as she looked and it wasn’t just a façade or like some strange hallucination on their part, they would’ve thought oh no, she actually is that pretty she’s getting some tail but like you know women not like men getting tail but like she’s like a woman getting tail and I think they would’ve thought you know she actually is attractive so that’s sad because Lacey was a pure person who is trying to honor God- you thought she was ugly and then when she left the school and started trying to get a husband and so she slept with her husband because she knew that if she slept with someone they might take they might date her because that’s the kind of that’s the way millennial men are that’s a Generation if you’re not willing to sleep with them for some reason they think there’s something wrong with you. So if she’s actually done that at a messiah, they would’ve probably thought she was pretty. It never occurred to them that she was a born-again Christian trying desperately to follow Christ. It’s just oh no there’s something wrong with her. I wonder if she’s a lesbian.” says the bitch.

“ you’re right.” says a woman.

“ she’s very assertive, though.” says another woman.

“ Lacey is not a bitch I work for the Catholic diocese of Saint Paul and I have met Lacey she’s not a bitch but she is assertive to be honest with you though in a Catholic school her personality is not as unusual. We have far more parents that are like her and her husband at our at our schools in Minnesota and in our churches and I’ve seen her with her kids and it wasn’t anything perverted. I’m just that’s why I ran into her. I think she was considering sending her kid to a private Catholic school one of them that’s appoint and no she did not strike me as a bitch. She seemed assertive to me too but I I if this is the afterlife that I’m talking through that woman is not a bitch either neither is Lacey, I’m actually slightly confused and hurt for them both. Why do you think these women are bitches?” says a priest.

“Yeah! It’s odd!” says Ireland.

“I’m sorry you missed me. At three. If there’s reincarnation. Not being pedophilic. …When else did you miss me?” asks Lem.

“At art museums? Or was that not you?” says Lacey.

He thinks. “No. It’s me!”

“Almost everywhere.” says Lacey.

“How bad is it?” he says.

“It’s like…endless grief. Even if there’s no reincarnation. …I cannot imagine feeling that for Jack. Or really possibly almost anyone but you.” says Lacey. “It feels way too specific to you.”

“It’s not my grief.” he says.

“No. It’s mine?” says Lacey.

“Yes.” he says. “You’d never feel that for me if I was or am gay. It’s impossible.”

“Why?” says Lacey.

“It requires me to have made love to you at some point. Actually made love. And…it’s not…one-sided. It’s…hidden. Too hidden on my part. But…very mutual.” says Lem.

“I feel as if you’re not finished telling me something. And…my parents are dead. And…you’re stolen from me.” says Lacey.

Lem laughs. “Hardly!”

“That’s not what they told me.” says Lacey.

“If you’re reincarnated…I spent hours…every month…just making love with you. …Jack was…something I acted. A role. But it was nothing more than a script in my head and a slavery-gig. What we had was real. Ironically. That was…sick and…nothing.” says Lem.

“Was I as confused until recently?” says Lacey.

“No.” says Lem, sadly. “They worked tirelessly to confuse you. They’re still trying.”

“If there’s reincarnations, I am so confused. Do they have brains or not?” says Lacey.

“ Yes but I can’t hear you.” says Lem.

“ I don’t think I don’t think we can be separated once we’re together and I don’t think it makes much sense to Dave And to even try to. Why would you even do that that’s just weird.” says Lacey.

“ yes but these are people who don’t think that perversion sexual perversion is weird yet they’re still working through that in Purgatory if there is purgatory, so in their minds, their sin isn’t entirely evil yet they don’t get it and I am sorry, but there is a lot of things that you don’t know I think a lot of it would be very intriguing to you and there’s nothing that would hurt you that you don’t already know and I mean that in the best way, but there’s a lot that you don’t know that is hurting you so to speak like you don’t know certain things and you’re getting hurt and if you knew the truth, you wouldn’t get hurt anymore. If we’re reincarnated, I really was straight hit. He never stole me. That picture is not what you think it is and that sounds cliché but it’s true. The other pictures are wet and it really isn’t that I actually was having fun to be honest, Lacey people don’t respect you enough You’ve tried to tell them and they don’t wanna hear it. I was very innocent I was very naïve. It was a very different time. I really didn’t know what I was doing. The pictures were actually entirely his doing and I went along with it but I actually really had no idea what I was getting myself into that day And people imagine that I am probably the one that pose all of them but that’s absurd especially considering some of those pictures how he pose me they were not, and they were even both of our our doing. It looks like it could be both of us to actually, but it wasn’t. It was entirely him I really was Very much trying to fit in and have friends and he was an opportunity who you have friends I thought yeah I could’ve had other friends but I had a hard time making friends. I was a very hard person, not sexually at all. I was a hard person in my head. I was a very hardheaded person. I had a lot of Opinions about everything and people respect that but then they also found it annoying because I had a lot of opinions and I was very apt to discuss things so if you brought something up with me, I would share my opinion it was something that kind of got beaten out of me, and I wear it as I got older I had a harder time sharing my thoughts But I do I was little I had lots of ideas I want to tell people it’s actually possible that Jack was part of the reason why I lost ability to share my thoughts on things confidently, but because he had almost no respect for anything, I thought hardly ever he was incredibly condescending All the time and constantly condescending to me he was a very heartless person, and I mean that he was extremely heartless, and I hated him by about the age of 35. I absolutely couldn’t stand him, but I pretended to be his friend because I had to he controlled so much they were so wealthy And so I felt pressured to be his friend because it was a hard it was almost hard to escape him. It wasn’t like today today would be even worse but back then I know it wouldn’t be bad back then you could track people down and he did his father had private investigators that regularly did work for him practically and no, he had connections to that sort of thing, so yeah, he would track me down. I would try to get away from him and then I gave up eventually but no, I would try to get away from him, and he would track me down Call my sister call my mom call my know my friends, my best, female friends and I know they were not people I was interested in, but I had some female friends and he called them. He’d call everyone they could think of including my Dopp my brother, nobody called y’all Josh she called everybody And no my my best female friends know that that’s not quite what people may think but no it it wasn’t. It wasn’t normal and it was sick. It was very sick. I would think that people would be able to hear that my voice and you’re right I do actually sound both gay and straight because and that’s part of the confuse people because I, I was straight That was my actual person but then I would do mannerisms that were very carefully orchestrated and gay and he didn’t respect the fact that it wasn’t real and people had a hard time discerning the truth and yeah, he called me a Alka frequently.

You can edit this or not people are reading your blog, but I’m getting sick of the fact that you’re being so interrupted all the time it’s getting to the point where God is seriously thinking of ending the world because he literally cannot permit people to be killed this way And they’re not respecting that they’re like Karen ‘s they don’t seem to get it he doesn’t allow ghosts even in this context to kill people. He really doesn’t allow that they’re allowed to harass them but they’re not allowed to kill them and they’re going so far off the deep end, both in the afterlife, and in the illuminati should exist using Bobby That you could almost die but it’s not normal because it’s not a heart attack. It’s not a stroke. It’s it’s almost like they’re twisting your spirit so much to try to control you that it could be close to a rapture. Yeah I just said rapture, they could be so perverted, sweetie, that they are literally causing your spirit to leave your body like a rapture, witness that we will imagine him and if it actually isn’t, maybe it’s like a rapture but it’s sort of like that in the sense that it’s not like a normal death it’s like like they’re literally forcing your your spirits out of your own body that’s not normal like you they’re trying to take control of your mouth and your words because they think that that intimidates you and that is going to make you feel intimidated impressed by them and they’ve been doing that now for years and you’re not and you’ve told them that But they refuse to believe it so they think if they keep trying harder then it’ll finally work because that’s how pathetic and worthless they are until actually but it’s not working and instead it’s just forcing you out of your body. I know God can’t allow that because it’s a defilement of the order of how he created the universe, and so yeah, he would have to possibly in the world before he let them kill you and he’s tried to get rid of Jack Jack is now being riled up from the past or he’s having to possibly consider annihilating the souls of other people.

Yeah it’s serious Jack is literally trying to take other people with him and you know Lacey part of the reason why we’re not gonna talk on this blog after this moment just because I actually was straight because I actually was straight and I don’t think I was straight and I don’t think I’ll say it again I was Straight. And I don’t think that the gay community alive right now other than maybe decent especially decent. People are actually intellectually cognitively capable of understanding that I literally think that they can’t comprehend someone pretending to be gay. I don’t think they get that I actually was straight and that when you’re reading me, you’re actually really reading me You’re actually reading me you’re not reading an imaginary person or the person that you want me to be you’re reading my actual being who I actually am. And they don’t know that so they actually pretend to understand what you’re saying, but I’m beginning to think that they really don’t understand at all and they think oh she’s just saying something stupid it’s not stupid you’re reading me and you can tell that I am pretentiously gay they don’t understand that they don’t even understand the concept. I don’t think for the most part of me being pretentiously gay I don’t think they get the concept And yes that’s what I’m saying is offensive but it’s beyond irritating at this point I don’t think they got the concept of me being straight and that you can tell that. And Yeah I just don’t think it’s going to work. The same people may grasp the concept of a straight man who thinks he’s gay, but I think that they’re not quite understanding so we’re going to probably have to sort of let it go and find other ways to communicate to speak because I don’t think it’s working And it could be a class as she has some degree. Yeah yeah but I think part of it is something else I think I think they the 88 I think they can’t comprehend it. I think they literally physically cannot cognitively figure out what What you’re saying as a concept Because they act gay and in their mind, that’s just for the most part there’s a man who aren’t like that we’re gay but for the most part, I think they think that’s just them being gay I don’t think they realize that they’re putting on a show and how they dress and how they talk and that it’s not really authentic it’s pretentious. It’s real because it’s their identity, seemingly but it’s not like they were born Acting that way so they may have been born gay potentially, but they were not born acting like an American gay man. From the 21st-century, that’s absurd there’s no 21st-century gay man, Jean, that’s retarded. I mean it’s possible that there’s something to that, but I highly doubt that that it’s quite like that. Um, some people express their homosexuality in a way that’s very authentic to them but I think almost all gay men at some point do a simulate and start imitating each other.

And even if they didn’t, you could still think that I could’ve imitated it that’s not impossible, but I think that part of what they can’t grasp is that it isn’t even a problem because I still could be. I still could be imitating them but it’s that it’s that they are at our imitating each other to on a certain since they’re not just acting that way out of some pier sense of who they are there imitating each other.

And so I think we’re going to have to just let it go because they get stuck on that in their head and then they get so damn determined to prove to you every fucking day if there’s illuminati that I was gay and even as we’re speaking right now, Jack is sadistically perversely idiotically obsessed with you from 1965 he’s a 1965 right now is a ghost sitting with a demon trying to channel you. him no one seems to ever tell him how stupid that is and it’s funny because most of your life you haven’t realized how much she hated you and part of that is because he’s never quite processed why he hates you you didn’t steal me from him and even if you did, I would agree with you that it’s got a bit far but you didn’t and even if you had you would’ve rightfully stolen me I mean what the fuck does he think I have his child I mean it’s he’s dumber than a bag of rocks. And you’ll be honest they’re like that the well you know what Joe‘s a little smarter than him and he’s not quite so stuck on such stupid ideas. He seems to understand that you’re over him now and it’s taking him a while but I don’t I don’t have him harassing me the way that Jack Ross is you and that’s a credit to Joe and it’s definitely a credit to you in a in a way and a good sense but I am it really should embarrass Jack more because he basically is a freak he’s basically a weird psychotic addicted, obsessive, freak. I don’t know why he thinks I would ever even remotely consider being with him. Even if I was homosexual, Lacey, it would be really unlikely after dying and realizing what a piece of fucking shit he was, that I would ever even think of being with him, because I have all of dead human creation to choose from I don’t have a money problem I could re-create him essentially, if I really was that desperate and it was possible without any of his flaws, considering what an asshole he is, God would feel sorry for me enough if you allowed homosexuality for me to totally re-create him the same person same look whatever mine is the problems and I mean, why wouldn’t I do that It could actually very healing. I could relive everything I would’ve probably allowed that considering what a jerk he was if there’s a sexuality in heaven to relive Choate, see what this new version would do and then what would happen to Jack I don’t know he’ll be replaced by a better version of him in my mind , but that’s not that’s not what happened it said I was straight and no people lack imagination and it’s I can’t handle it anymore because we’re having a real conversation. You actually watch Sesame Street and profoundly were affected by it. I can’t handle it anymore I cannot handle between Jack trying to talk through your mouth , which is slightly funny, but in a very sad way between Jack trying to talk through your mouth and make you choke and kill you for the night kill you and gay men determined to keep me gay by the power of the gayness or some stupid shit like that I don’t have and not maybe not. I’ll get mad, but I don’t have I don’t have the patience anymore. I just I don’t have it and honest to goodness if there’s reincarnation that’s part of it too because if you could believe that in a way it would be worse but then in a way it would be better because you know me and if you know me, you know I was straight no I’m telling you, Lacey I was straight I didn’t give myself to him I’ve checked I’ve asked God it was an awful life you’re not supposed to be here. This is very stupid. Our kids are here with you some of them and we’re just gonna endure and take care of our kids after you die, and our grandkids if God doesn’t take us home and I guess so much for helping out Africa , I mean if we can still do it great if there’s a big carnation but if there’s not I don’t know we tried and I think will just have to let it go and I don’t. I can’t keep doing this. I cannot keep getting into these dumb arguments with these people Because you pour your heart out you share things that are very personal for you at least and then they don’t even give a fuck and they pretend to and they lead you wan but then they act like no we’re not real. I cannot keep doing it it’s at a point now where I feel like we’re safe enough Where we don’t need to keep riding and I think we’re OK and if there is just not worthwhile to keep hearing people who are basically insane.” says Lem

. And at that Jack pulls his tongue out of his mouth and tries to chew it like gum, while his eyes roll back into his head, and he spasms on the ground from a meth induced seizure. In 1965.

“ Jack, are you OK?” says a Millennial jokingly.

Unfortunately, he seems to take this not as a joke, but seriously and feel as though he’s made a new friend in the future.

“ well anyway good night!” says Lacey.