“Why” by Lem

(August 9th, 2024 – Afternoon)

Say Something by A Great Big World plays.

This song was written for me. By Lacey. In a better world.

If there’s reincarnation she used heroin. In China. Because some man gave it to her and she was merely being polite. That was the late 1890’s. We’ll say. …She could have died. Easily. …And I noticed and saved her life. But I had no idea…if this was true…why.

It was a quick descent. And a quick recovery. A mere month at most. But that was the 1890’s.

I was jealous of the man who gave it to her. But I knew her character. …But it was my worst fear.

To be honest…we had a wonderful married life. If there’s reincarnation. …And I worried she could be persuaded, in her genuine sweetness and innocence, into being with another man. If he was…better. …But what is didn’t know was that she was…deeply unsure of my love for her.

Lacey is an extremely intelligent and complicated person. Genuinely so.

“She never gives-up on her children. But they’re one of her rare exceptions. Regardless of reinforcement.” says Louis. “If something isn’t working she truly gives-up and totally moves on. …Not everyone is that certain about it.”

She didn’t feel exciting enough for me. She’s a cozy, loving person. Not…what some people consider exciting. I guess. And…so…if there’s reincarnation…she got so addicted for two reasons. 1. She had never felt that…painless. Physically. And possibly mentally. And she’d lost both of her parents and at least one child at that point. And felt physical pain her whole life, as this was the 1800’s. So that fascinated her. And she was too innocent and ignorant to realize what was going on, as this was the late 1890’s.

And 2. when she used she had flashbacks to our bedroom. And…she felt my love. …And being as analytical as she was…that also fascinated her. She was grappling with something.

…It’s sick how people think she’s Jack reincarnated. That’s absurd!

But I was there and stopped her. In terror. …I had to convince her it was an insane thing to use. And very harmful.

Summa by Arvo Pärt plays.

I actually did love her.

Joe Kennedy Junior was blown-up in Aphrodite. A mission to “save London” called Aphrodite. …And if there’s reincarnation I was Emperor Constantine. …And on my grace you’ve accidentally referenced her. The shell you used was feminine. …If there’s reincarnation a bloke from Cambridge with a good sense of humor…who’s straight and was…and knew me…inspired the accident. …He wasn’t about to let you defile me. …Aphrodite doesn’t like the Kennedys if she exists. Because of Jack and what Jack has left behind about my soul that’s actually nothing but a vile lie you fall in love with. …Or…if she doesn’t exist…even as a woman…God found it funny. Ask Him what the joke is. It’s high-brow humor and a bit British either way.

…I’m not a woman and never have been. But some love is eternal.

So while Lacey was lost in a horrible fog for weeks in Asia in the late 1890’s…it was…or would I have been…to…feel my love. MY LOVE. …And if there’s reincarnation…I didn’t know that. I didn’t realize how sad she always was. Even then.

I was a stuffy…cold…very aristocratic man. If there’s reincarnation. Very stereotypically 1800’s British. …Had we lived into old age she would have realized I was always scared. Scared of being wrong. Wrong about…something. …I often truly had the weight of the world on my shoulders and I felt it. Daily. …My family was very rich. I had a lot of responsibility. One big mess-up and we were in serious trouble and the entire nation would have felt it too. Maybe not to some grave degree…but…it would have mattered. …That sort of thing doesn’t scare her. But I was…deeply unsure of myself. And…my lack of humor was often because of my grave sense of duty. To her. To my family. To the nation. To the crown. To God. Should there be reincarnation.

So when she…was alone with me…I showed her love. And I felt free. And at ease.

Our Reflection by Max Richter plays.

But…as it was the 1890’s…she didn’t realize…what was going on. And…if there’s reincarnation…she assumed that those were…mysterious moments instead of being meaningful in regard to the state of our marriage and my depth of my love for her. …And so…sensing there was something in them she was fascinated by analyzing them…but I died in World War I before she could piece it all together. And not being aware…she died…terrified I was off in the ether cheating on her probably. Doing what you say I did with JFK. Being happier and getting what she worried she could never give me. Pure, profound, ecstasy…but not through physical sex…NO. No not that. Not mere sex. …Something…better. Friendship? With the mysterious J…F…K! Wow!!! With my own room IN THE WHITE HOUSE. …Please for the love of CHRIST…note my sarcasm!!! *I yell*

And so if there’s reincarnation it’s only logical she’d sleep with me. Drive me insane with desire. And then have no idea…what that really means to me. …Be with Elliott even. And think…I…wouldn’t….really…care.

Ha!

Because she’s not JFK. She has no US Presidency on her life-schedule. Not anymore anyway. Just cavities. Wall-paper. Dishes to clean. And death or grandchildren. …She hasn’t figured it out. Even now. If there’s reincarnation. And you all think you’re so damn wise and sophisticated. …Then why can’t you explain to Lacey that I wasn’t attracted to men…ruined my life…and that sex isn’t meaningless!? You can’t replace sex!!! …When did Jack ever give me sex!? You can’t replace fidelity. And commitment. When did Jack ever give me commitment? …He OBVIOUSLY did not.

And if there’s not reincarnation I think this all works as an analogy.

I loved being with her…because I loved her. Mere friendship isn’t remotely as satisfying as good sex with someone who you really love. Sucking Jack’s penis could never have been as nice as making love with someone else. Even if I was gay. And I wasn’t. What do you imagine he had? A magical alien penis!?! It’s ABSURD. …And I was actually straight. I had a horrible life.

…She doesn’t understand. I didn’t find some impossible replacement for her. And when she was alive…should there be reincarnation…I loved her more than existence itself. I trusted her. And…it’s been fascinating watching her in the late 20th and early 21st centuries. Because people know more about opiates now. And so…if there’s reincarnation…I know she would never have used it had she known what she does now. It was her ignorance and innocence and trust and the ways of society. …We were visitors trying not to miss any foreign delicacy we had offered us… That was only expected of us and what we thought was best. And yet…humans are human…of course…so…she got completely lost for about a month until I noticed and saved her life. She kept using thinking it was a mere foreign delicacy. And then I realized what it was to some degree and stopped her. And she went off. And has been terrified of drugs ever since. My use of drugs in the last years of my life traumatized her too, if there’s reincarnation.

Do you get it? Do you understand? …She had nothing to fear with me. That was all a lie. But Satan is evil and…she is stuck in a horrible nightmarish world. And yet…has coped well.

“So you had great sex. But…she never realized what it meant?” says a living woman.

“If there’s reincarnation, yes.” says Lem.

“What did she think it was!??” says a living woman.

“She would have thought I was…a man. …A great lover! …Beastly.” says Lem.

“Huh. …So…us insisting you were gay was…weird to her.” she says. “If there’s reincarnation.”

“No. …Believe it or not, no. …Because you all seem…bizarre to her already anyway. So…given how weird her life is…and how awful it’s been she’s prepared herself to go to Hell when she dies for some unknown loophole reason, even though she prays every night for forgiveness for her sin. And is terrified when she lacks faith. Life to her is mostly a sick and evil nightmare of meaningless human torment and God is good…but she’s genuinely planning to end the world when she dies. And…she’s one of the most genuinely loving and compassionate people you’ll ever know. It’s…BAD.

…You don’t seem to grasp what I’ve been saying and am saying. …She doesn’t know how much I love her. And don’t bark at her or me about how much God loves her. She already knows that! That’s her…air. It’s human love for her she doesn’t understand almost at all anymore.

I love her. And…she’s not a heartless, judgmental perfectionist. She’s an honest person. …You should be careful. Really.” says Lem.

“So what- How did she not realize…what sex means…now!?” says a reader.

“Because…she thinks I’m like Jack now. …Birds-of-a-feather. Right? You’ve been so hateful and she’s so loving…she’s listened and now she thinks maybe she’s an idiot. …She really cares. And she’s not vain or egotistical. …And people’s IDIOTIC insistence she is…is very dangerous.

…NO!! Bobby Junior didn’t really know. The Kennedys didn’t really know me.

She has genuinely been sleeping with me for years. …Weekly if not daily. She knows me.” says Lem.

“You make love?” says a woman.

“Yes!” says Lem.

“So she thinks…making love…can be nothing. And…that’s almost all because of JFK. And our mythologizing of him.” says the CIA.

“Yeah!” says Lem.

“Is it nothing to her?” says the CIA.

“No. She still lives in reality where you don’t lose wars for no reason and call it a victory.” says Lem. “She’s more like- Sorry. We’ll leave that for later.”

“So she loves you.” says the CIA.

“Yeah!” says Lem.

“But she doesn’t get how much you love her.” says the CIA. “Because gay men haven’t been able to get over themselves.”

“Yeah.” says Peter Thiel. “We’re not blameless. I don’t know why gay men have a Jesus-complex nowadays but a lot of them do.”

“Why can’t you believe I faked it? I do seem fake. Or is it just that she’s the one saying it!?” says Lem.

“It’s because she’s the one saying it.” says Donald Trump Junior.

JD Vance nods.

“People do that to me too.” says Donald Trump Junior.

His ex-wife nods and rolls her eyes in agreement.

“Why?” says Tom Banks.

“I’m sweet. I’m unsure of myself sometimes. And people tap into that. It’s…creepy.” says Donald Trump Junior.

“I can relate.” says Elliott. “I think having a very…complicated childhood with unusual parents contributes to it. People…feel anxious. And our…doubt…scares them so much they vilify us.” He thinks. “Not that I’m saying we’re all perfectly innocent. She’s a pretty innocent person. But… But…I had to be…always on guard. Because everyone was always suspicious of me. They still are.”

“You were going to assassinate a Bahamian president!” says a reader.

“Yeah. …But actually I wasn’t just trying to make money for myself, possibly. …It was bigger than that. I might have been taking the blame for what you now call Deep State. …Hunter Biden’s computer? Yeah. My dad was a big deal too, right? He was FDR. So…I might have done favors for people. …I really wasn’t just some damn lucky idiot. I was actually very smart.” says Elliott Roosevelt.

“So they blamed you to cover for their foibles.” says a reader.

“Maybe.” says Elliott.

“Anyway…more later.” says Lem.

“I love you Lem!” says Lacey.

“Yeah. You do. …More than them. …Sweetheart…I can’t fake what I do. That’s me. That’s what I feel about you. That’s either a demon impersonating me…or me. And if it’s me…I can’t…mimic that.” says Lem.

“What’s the difference between you and the next guy who wants her?” says Ginger Rogers.

“I absolutely need her. And feel…profoundly happy and loved and in love when I’m with her. …I can’t be that happy with anything or anyone else. But it’s far more than that.” says Lem.

“She doesn’t fully understand that.” says Ginger.

Lem possibly cries.

“Why the fuck does this have anything to do with us!?” says a living gay man.

“BECAUSE OF ME!” says JFK.

“Jack. You were gay?” says the living gay man.

“NO. I didn’t say that.” says JFK.

“You totally just implied that.” says the living gay man.

“So!?!” says JFK.

“So you were clearly a gay narcissist.” says the living gay man.

“I was…gay. I was bisexual. Yes. Okay.” says JFK.

“Haha. You were such a narcissist.” says another gay man who’s alive.

“Yeah right!” says JFK.

“He’s playing mind games now.” says Rosemary Clooney.

“Yeah. But he’s comforting Lem.” says a living gay man.

“NO! Lem is crying. You’re so wrong it’s disturbing.” says Rosemary Clooney.

“He cannot not be gay!!!” yells Bobby.

“I was so fucking straight. Got ya!” says JFK. “No. I was just a straight narcissist. It’s a joke!”

“I FAKED IT, YOU IDIOTS!!!” yells Lem.

“Why are gay men so weird about this too?” says a living man.

“We can’t handle being wrong. Like…at all.” says a living gay man. “And I seriously think her original nature is too weird to people.”

A couple of witches try separating her from the Kennedys. Using Jesus possibly. It’s what charismatic Christians might do. And it seems to work. So much so Lacey can feel it. She prays for the witches.

“She needs to be left alone. With me.” says Lem.

“Yeah!” says Helena.

“It’s so tempting to try to make them all get along.” says a witch.

“Yeah. But…it’s also very stupid.” says Helena.

A Black woman laughs.

“Can you handle this? Because I can.

Jack is a narcissist.

Kirk? Wow! Fuck you MPR. Thomas Tallis?

No! That’s not what we do. NO! Fuck your dumbasses!

Go back to your fucking traumatic trailer park you dumb…peasant…assholes.” says Pete Buttigieg. “Let me explain.”

“Yes. Please do.” says Kamala Harris. “I’m serious”

“I already basically have. Jack Kennedy was a narcissist.

It’s really that simple.

Jack Kennedy had no way to be anyone’s true love. That’s just…adolescent bullshit. Grow-up! Okay? That’s NONSENSE.

…So…if Lem wasn’t in love with him…because that’s almost impossible…and I mean it…then…how did those two men maintain any sort of relationship? Ahh…something really fucked-up. …And…given how happy he was at Jack’s wedding…yeah. It makes so much sense to think he was straight. …Red Fay couldn’t figure him out. He was uncomfortable talking about it. Yeah. …And he was…too loud. Right? Like…I don’t yell my homosexuality. It’s just there. For better or worse. Right? And…that’s just not Lem. …There could be lots of other gay men who look more gay who look like him. I look like straight guys in a way. But…there’s something gay about me.

Some people are. Some people are not.

We can be friends.

I don’t think Lem has to be gay. I don’t think Lem had to be in love with Jack Kennedy or has to be. That’s simply not necessary. It’s weird gay men can’t just let go of it. But I’m one who can. And you know…I have to say…I’m a Christian. I’m happily married. …What’s in their hearts? Why can’t they let it go?” says Pete Buttigieg.

“Yeah. She’s not a jerk.” says Tim Walz. “Did you all think she was?”

“We’re fucked.” says a man on MPR.

“Why?” says Tim Walz.

“Yeah. I’m confused too.” says Donald Trump.

A man who knows Lacey from Facebook laughs in the future in this moment.

“Why…do you think…she’s pure evil?” says Trina, laughing.

“No. He’s channeling us.” says MSNBC.

Donald Trump nods. “Why do you think Diego has to be constantly honored by attacking her?”

“Because that’s what Diego’s spirit says to us.” says Chris.

“I’m confused too.” says Pete Buttigieg.

“I had nothing to do with that dedication. Although I inspired Thomas Tallis because she doesn’t like that one.” says Lem. “I find it…nice. Not the most moving. But I am not that Kirk.”

“I just hate her.” says a woman at MSNBC. “I’m sorry. I hate her.”

“Why do we all have to care??” asks a reader.

“Because we’re in the Illuminati if there is one. And a lot of people are bullied by us. And we bully them while other people are bullying us.” says MSNBC.

“So it’s utter chaos.” says a reader.

“Not. It’s complicated.” says Chris Hayes.

“Oh! I get it. You’re all afraid of me.” says Tsar Putin.

North Korea nods.

“Actually…no. I’m hoping we scale back.” says Pete.

“Yeah.” says Trump.

“So it’s entirely personal. Random Liberal, New Money assholes…in the US media…hate her. For personal reasons. …Even though they’ve never met her?” asks an Englishwoman. “Damn. The press kills the Spencers. Every damn time. Or tries to. If there’s reincarnation.”

“Even our relatives. If there’s reincarnation.” jokes Princess Diana.

“I wasn’t gay. Neither was Harold Loeb. Neither is her legal husband. We all look like Lem.” says Harold Lloyd. “Why isn’t that weirder to you people? That we all look alike.”

“Dammit. Diego resembled them. But was so different.” says NBC.

“Can I be honest? Part of it is that she prays for the Kennedys. In her subconscious. And people get scared when she’s separated from them. Because when she is…bad things happen. Like when Saoirse got attacked and then died the way she did. That was all a curse because of Lem. He was molested by a person of the same sex. Never got over it. He died of his drug use too. Methadone? The rest of it is creepy too. …And so people can sense that she’s helpful and try to repair it. People love them. They’re famous. But…their curses are their own thing to sort through. And if she died or her kids suffer too much they’ll all wish they’d never been born. And I mean that. That’s not a threat. That’s a fact. I’m just being clear.” says a dead man who was gay while he was alive regardless of what’s in Heaven.

“So…yeah. That’s all personal. Why…have we made this like…a huge…HUGE deal?” asks a reader, snickering.

Mary-Kate Olsen snickers with him.

“I think it’s because if there’s reincarnation he’s Constantine. And she’s Scota. …And…most living people are cool with it. For whatever reasons. We’re chill. But…Diego has a lot of narcissistic people or…former lovers…aiming towards windmills. Like let it go. But they can’t. They just can’t.” says the reader who snickered.