“Cheetos” by Lem

“Kate, why can’t you just let this be what it is?” says a Native man.

“Because he would never do that to me.” she says.

“Do what?” asks Lem.

“What even happened?” she says.

“Excuse me little girl. You address me as Mr. Lem Billings. I’m not your little bitch.“ says Lem.

Later.

“You are a lying ugly bitch!” yells Kate at Lacey.

“Kate, that is very disrespectful but to answer your question sweetheart not much. Not much even happened.” says Lem.

“That’s not the way it’s written.” says Kate, drunk.

“But that’s writing Kate. She was hinting at something. It’s like an old television show in the past where they hinted at something for the purposes of sort of explanation in the plotline but you’re not supposed to think the actors actually do something for the sake of morality, and whatever else is of God.” says her father-in-law. 

“I actually could have runoff with her though and that’s part of what you’re also sensing. And it’s not that nothing that happened but it was not necessarily what you think it is.” says Matt.

“Why didn’t you tell me about this?” yells Kate

“I did. I did tell you.” he says.

“No you did not. I don’t think so!” she says. 

“Yeah OK that’s true.” says Matt.

“But she’s not even running-off with you now?” says Kate.

“No. No she’s not.” says Matt.

Maria nods.

“Why not!?” says Kate.

“No because I’m not Lem. Yeah I’m not Lem. Yeah I’m not Lem. I’m just not Lem. And actually she could be with me for eternity. It’s not that I’m not fit enough necessarily other maybe it’s more just that we’re not supposed to be together.” says Matt.

“So anyway, Kate, it sounds like you’re just hanging-out with him for eternity and he’s dead and he’s moved on.

Why didn’t you try harder to keep him alive?” asks a reader.

“Were you two headed for divorce?” asks Nancy.

“Yes.” she begrudgingly admits.

“Why didn’t he just divorce you?” says a reader.

“Ahh because he felt as though it was him. And we felt he-he didn’t really want to go or something and I just-I-I just-I was not OK with it.” she says.

“So you were keeping him in the marriage and that’s why he killed himself?” says a Nesheim. “And he was thinking of marrying Lacey, but not really. He was thinking of having an affair with her because she’s a distant cousin and she’s married and he intuited somehow that he could have her as a mistress and not leave you. So why are you mad at her or other people in our family…when are you responsible Kate for leaving us with a dead son or a dead nephew or dead cousin?” yells a Nesheim.

“We were able to convince him to kill himself, Kate, but he was already on that path. It’s not like we took a truly happy person and convinced them to kill themselves. You primed the pump.” says the Illuminati. 

“Is this a lot for you to take and Kate?” says Jonah.

“YES!! Holy shut yes!” she says.

“Do you feel bad for Lacey at all or not?” asks a Nesheim.

“No, no she’s beneath me!!!

My family is the BEST!!

My hair! LOOK AT MY brown hair! I look like Natalie Portman.” says Kate.

“I mean, I kind of thought so.” says Matt, awkwardly.

“But she has a flat chest, barely any hips and her family is very middle class.” bites Lacey.

“I can’t save you here Kate and this isn’t even about our sex life, necessarily. I’m sorry.” says Matt.

…

“Your wife is kind of ugly. Mine is not why did you pick her?” says Lem to Matt.

“Actually there are a lot of men who agree with that especially in the past. Why did you pick such an ugly wife? You’re very handsome and I think you’re straight?” says another dead man.

“Because she looks like Natalie Portman!” says Matt.

“Not that much! Just barely!” yells Lem over the sound of a train.

Elsie walks by in heels. Taller than her husband?

“Do you speak?!?” yells Lem at Matt.

“Matt, Matt what is this all about anyway dearest?” says Lacey.

The sound of the train rages on.

“Matt, dearest please do explain yourself darling! Please do!” yells Lacey.

“You ATE ALL OF THE CHEETOS!?” yells one of Lacey’s kids at her.

“Yes, I did but you need to eat decent food anyway.” says Lacey. 

“She’s not even blonde Matt. Do you really like dark women?” says Louis Hill Junior.

“Yes. I do like dark women.” says Matt.

Kate nods. “So she’s hotter than me. She was your second-cousin you lucked out and you could’ve possibly been with her but you blew it. I mean she wasn’t like even necessarily your cousin but you blew it. Why don’t you just say that?” says Kate.

Stephen laughs.

“Be-because it was not. I mean I-I just-I was I was not-I was not really-I was not really prepared-prepared.” says Matt.

“So if there’s reincarnation you were sent by Great Britain to try to help the situation and you screwed-up?” says the UK.

“Yes, if there’s reincarnation, I did screw l-up and that’s what happened.” says Matt.

“ why did you marry me?” says Kate.

“Because it was weird to marry my cousin and I just didn’t quite get the situation. OK!? I just didn’t quite understand what was happening. I was not- I failed or this works as an analogy even if there’s not reincarnation. I just totally screwed-up.” says Matt.

“So what screwed you up?” says a living Englishman.

Matt takes a deep breath. “Kate was a Queen of my heart, but not in reality.” says Matt.

“You thought I was an actual queen!?” says Kate.

“Part of it happened, in case if you want me to be perfectly honest with you. I tried to sleep with Lacey as a ghost. She’s extremely attractive and she can have sex with ghosts and not everyone is able to. So she’s this hot sexy woman who can have sex with ghosts, and I was very close to wanting to runoff with her while I was alive. Unfortunately, I may have been trying to have an affair with her. I’m sorry, umm…so I tried to sleep with her and she declined and that made me mad. Not a lot. I’m not a jerk really but it made me a little angry because I’m a little bit of a jerk. Not a lot but just a little. Just a tiny bit of a jerk and so I decided to sort of be angry. I mean I was angry. So…I just was angry and then when you came in…

So…you may be doing this in the future after your dead or you may have done it in your spirit already when you came in wearing the clown suit. Yes…that may have psychically happened or it may happen so you came here with the clown suit and I just thought, ‘This woman adores me!’ And you stroked my ego and I just felt in love with you again but that wasn’t supposed to happen. But that’s what happened. So I thought ahh…Kate yeah she’s good. She’s a good lady. But I was too slow on the uptake so to speak to realize that that’s actually not something you can dwell on for more than a second. It’s like you can’t just sit there lusting after someone else. Not really anyway. I mean I think Lacey may have had grace for that sort of flaw in a husband, but she doesn’t anymore. And so it’s-I was just like, ‘Dang Kate was good! That was good!’ Well…when she actually put out and we had fun together it was good sex. And then it’s like well, I thought about it a little too long and she caught on to that and she might’ve caught on anyway but then she’s like this is stupid and so she left, and now I’m having to deal with the reality of why I wanted to sleep with her in the first place. But there’s absolutely nothing about it that’s pleasurable because she’s totally done with me 100%. She cares about me as a person and that’s good but it’s pure misery. Absolute pure misery. And I’m furious with you. You’re a huge fucking bitch!” yells Matt.

“So I am-I am flat chested compared to Lacey. Did you want me to get implants Matthew?” says Kate.

“It’s awkward to talk about this on a blog publicly after I am dead but yes, I did. That would have been really, really, really nice. Trust me it would’ve possibly kept me alive as stupid and pathetic as that sounds.” says Matt.

“So you really would’ve just made your day? You must have loved Kate if that would’ve made you feel that much happier you probably were in love with her.” says Fern.

“Yes it would’ve actually. It’s so pathetic but when you’re struggling to find reasons to live and you’re losing your mind slightly stuff like that, believe it or not, can make a huge difference.” says Matt.

Two Princes by Spin Doctors plays.

The song ends.

“So why didn’t you just insist that she do that?” says George Bush Sr..

“I may have slightly tried to suggest it-“ says Matt.

“Oh, you slightly tried to suggest it!” yells Tucker Carlson.

Matt thinks. “You know you’re right. I didn’t have the balls to really make my wife do that for me and I could go on and on about it but then I’m gonna really make Lacey look like an asshole and I don’t want to do that. People don’t believe this is real to begin with potentially.” says Matt.

“You know Kate I don’t think he would’ve made you get like huge boobs. And really the surgeries not that painful. How big would you have wanted?” asks Jess.

“Oh, like a a C. Maybe like a C cup? I’m sorry that’s gross to talk about publicly but like a C. Just like a C or may be a little larger than that but not like huge.” says Matt.

Louis is shaking angry. “Why didn’t you just insist that she do that or divorce her? I’ll tell you why because she would’ve made you look like a piece of shit. Like an abusive freak, but I’d like to hear from your family right now: Dp they believe her or not.” yells Louis.

“Matt why didn’t you just shop around a little more? There are so many Hispanic, dark, sexy women who would’ve loved to have married you. Why didn’t you just look a little harder?” says a Hispanic man.

Matt thinks.

“I would’ve thought he was nuts.” admits a Nesheim.

“I wouldn’t have. I married in to the family. I wouldn’t of thought he was nuts. I don’t think Lacey would’ve thought he was nuts. But I think most of the family would’ve thought he was nuts.” says a man who married in to the family.

“So to you. That would’ve meant that your wife loved you and that she wasn’t just using you or that she didn’t have like ‘no love for you’ so if she had done that for you, you would’ve thought that really meant something is that part of it?” says a Nesheim.

“No I think he just wanted to get his dick hard by looking at her for fucking once.” says a dead man.

“Kate, sweetie, there’d be something wrong with you if you needed to get the surgery that indicates that there’s something inferior about your body.” explains George Bush Sr..

“You just have to ask yourself, ‘How much do I love this man?’ because you’ll have to get replacements, there’s the risk that it could damage your body and then if that seems like too much of a risk to you and your doctor, then you have to find some alternative or you have to realize that you’re not satisfying him and take that seriously as a person. Maybe he’s not the person you should be with or you’ve got a find some way to make yourself a little sexier, men have needs sweetie. It’s not pure evil that they want to fuck.” says Kimberly Guilfoyle. 

“So am I in Romeo and Juliet?” says Kate.

“Which one are you?” yells JFK.

One Week by Barenaked Ladies plays.

Kate is placed on a billionaire’s yacht.

Four men pop bottles of Dom Perignon worth $60,000. Each.

I’m Gonna Be by The Proclaimers plays.

“ I’m bisexual and rather rich I like your look it’s not that you look like a man it’s that you’re so sleek and I’ve allowed my mind wander. I was raised in a very conservative family, which is how I invested my 4 million that I grew up with from my family very well and made About 800 million and then invested that and now I’m worth about $2 billion. you are flat chested, but I’ll tell you something you’re a very pretty woman maybe you’re not as pretty as some flat chested women like the woman that was pictured above but I don’t know I actually quite like your look I don’t know that you were actually Matthews type but in my book FaceTime my taste you were about an eight I think he had you at like a five or six because you weren’t really his type but in reality I think you’re more like an eight a solid eight I could probably turn you into a nine without plastic surgery. Lacey still is superior to you. A lot of women are believe it or not you’re not elite in that way you’re not part of the top 10% or 1% of the sexual population Laceyz but you’re definitely up there babe. Trust me I would love to have a solid eight that I turned into a nine on my yacht and the fucking day of the week. Are you kidding me I’d pay money to have you on my ass, truthfully if I talk to you for more than an hour and I liked you, it might even make you regular and if that progressed on I might even consider possibly marrying you in like four years two or three years, so really if you’d really played your cards right you could’ve married a billionaire I am bisexual Does that bother you or not? I’m handsome does that bother you or not?” he says.

“ i’m sorry to me she seems ugly.” says Lem.

“ compared to Lacey or in general?” says the billionaire.

“ in general but it’s possible that I’m a little scared from Lacey. I’m sorry but no or there’s something a little messed up in this analysis but now a yeah I don’t know I go there it’s not that I am evil necessarily but no maybe shoot maybe she is about a five I mean you’ve got to be kidding me. She’s an eight yeah?” says Lem.

“ to me she’s a nine.” says the billionaire.

“ to me she’s a five and I think I speak on behalf of all straight men saying that.” says Lem.

“But to you she seems like a nine?” says Lacey.

“ yeah she OK. She’s about it. An eight. No I’m sorry she’s about an eight or nine to me.” says the billionaire.

“ so what is it that you like about her ‘racing yacht curves’?” says Elsie.

“ well, you know being bisexual and open about it at 8880 no it’s just a there’s sexy and sleek.” he says, sincerely.

“ so do you personally she’s like an eight because to you personally those curves are just like Bangin, but not like in like a procreation way and more of like a you just want to have sex and have fun type of way?” says a woman.

“ how curvy is Lacey? How curvy is she? It doesn’t come through in the photos Lem!? how curvy is she?” yells Sarah Jessica Parker.

“ oh dear God really you’re getting tripped up on this?” he says.

“ Yeah because it meant something to us we totally misunderstood your sexuality we thought you were like this billionaire, and that you were bisexual or some thing and we were being really catty in sex in the city because we were just like no he was in love with Jack not you Are we know more about sex in life than you did we were just being really disgustingly bitchy and we weren’t OK with her being with pretty much anybody because we were having a class issue with her and we want to feel superior to her as well so part of that might’ve been our friendship with Bobby and wow we met total shitty ass of our self as he basically ruined the franchise almost.

“Why don’t we just have a write it? That’s probably the safest thing to do!” yells Kim Cattrall.

“ I have a feeling I know what she looks like now because I’m a lesbian but just because I’m not an idiot dude she has nice boobs but they’re just freaking small I’ll show you.” says a Gen. Z woman.

“ if she was overweight, or was naturally plump as this woman may or may not be, that’s what her boobs would look like pretty close to that OK so that’s the size proportionally to her body…that’s what she looks like.” says the Gen. Z woman.

“ no, that’s pretty accurate.” says Lem.

“ OK so Lacey is not flat chested that woman is definitely not flat chested I would call her voluptuous, but in a weird way she is voluptuous search it’s not like she’s voluptuous like him like Marilyn Monroe who’s voluptuous in her chest but she’s curvy like that otherwise?” says the CIA.

“ yes her chest is not as large as Marilyn Monroe‘s chest Patrick fortunately it still works. It’s just that’s the level of boobs that she has so it’s like Marilyn without his big boobs so it’s like curvy like Marilyn but slightly less big boobs so it’s voluptuous to be honest, but it’s not like I am, it’s not even chesty. How about that Marilyn was a trustee. This woman has curves, but she is more of a sporty look. People have been confusing being plump with being curvy for years now those are two different things, so Simmons plump, which may or may not even be natural it actually could just be natural and pump actually is a very sexy thing to be but people were brainwashed and yeah, depending on how natural it is to you it made me not be as healthy as it is for some people so for some people if they’re more plump and they’re eating healthy and they’re exercising. Maybe it’s not as unhealthy as you might think him, for other people, it might be totally unhealthy for Lacey would be unhealthy for this woman. It’s hard to tell if she’s overweight or if she’s plump it’s hard to tell she probably have to tell us I don’t like plump women, but I like a little plumpness not a lot, but just a little, but I don’t like a trusty woman if Lacey was chesty, I find her attractive but it’s not my ideal. Does that make sense so I like voluptuous, but not chesty a little plumper not too plump.” says Lem.

Walkin’ On The Sun (Acoustic) by Smash Mouth plays.

“Lem is this woman, sexy? Be honest.” says a living Gen. X man.

“Yes she actually is very sexy, but she would’ve been in a dress that accentuated her waist and her boobs frankly, and she would’ve had red lipstick and curls and been married by the time she was about 25. I just wasn’t attracted to her, but there were plenty of men who would’ve been. Do you think they still are or not?” says Lem.

“Ahh…they are. They hide it. They lie about it and then they marry them, and they feel awkward.” says a Millennial who married a woman like that.

“Lacey actually is like better-looking than that though, regardless. She’s better looking than most women regardless…and you lie about that too. …So are you guys just like total fucking losers or what?” says Lem.

One of them laughs. “What…knowing the state of our soul what were we supposed to say to you-to your wife whether there’s reincarnation or not?” asks a Gen. X man.

“You know if you wanted to be a total jerk about it? You could’ve just said, ‘Look you’re better looking than most people. You’re better looking than most women OK? Like…I don’t know what you’re looking for but you’re better-looking than most women…but you have like no meat on you.’” says Lem. 

“And then I would’ve said, ‘You don’t think I have curves?’” says Lacey.

“‘No you totally do! You’re just like kind of petite or something…and like you have curves obviously…but I just-I like a woman who’s like kind of like fatter…to be blunt.’” he says, smiling.

“And I would’ve said, ‘Oh OK, that’s cool!’ And I would’ve just stopped. I mean I would’ve just been like, ‘OK I can’t be fat that’s just not the way I’m built and you’re right I’m better looking than most people. Whether that means that this is the ideal or not. I’ll leave to God but, whatever the case may be I am smart enough to know as a wannabe art historian that it gets silly comparing things at times potentially. Some things just are that great regardless of how you feel about anything and then some things are good and then some things it’s just like it’s pointless to compare them to another similar tier thing. …And I think some people get confused by that and think things that are ugly are beautiful and that’s not true. You should be able to tell that a woman beautiful I suspect, regardless of what category she’s in, so to speak.’” says Lacey.

“Yeah, I mean I don’t want to marry a woman who is overweight. It’s just like I don’t know. I-I wanna say fat, but he’s just sort of like umm-“ says a man.

“Plump!” says Lacey.

“NO!!!” he screams.

Later.

“Why does that upset you?” asks someone.

He shrugs. “PLUMP!?” yell almost all living women other than Lacey.

“Yeah. PLUMP.” says a Becca. “Like…sexy.”

“Men like fat!?” asks a living woman.

“Oops.” says a Gen. X man. “Mmm…in moderation. And to varying degrees. Differences abound. But…some of us…who are straight and normal and attractive? Ahh…yeah. We do.” he says.

Casi laughs. Runs off.

Meet Virginia by Train plays.

“That’s me.” says Casi. “Regardless.”

“True.” says a Gen. X man.

1:30 and then the song ends at 2:02.

“I’m cool with being that cute gal. The plump one. With the pretty nose. And beautiful smile. And great hair.” says the model above.

“OK but I think part of what they did was lie about you…because you don’t just put out and for some reason they can’t handle that. I don’t know how that got into your character but women like you are either really scary or they really have like usually good self-esteem. And I think society tried to destroy that because you’re intimidating.” says Elsie.

“When did that start Elsie, when did that start?” she says. 

“ in the 1800s I mean you could trace it back to the 1700s but it goes back to women like I said either being very scary and evil there’s a scary evil woman shaped like you slightly in the movie Gosford Park who is the servant, but there could’ve been women like that who were overweight or plump, however, that turns out who were the head of the house who were evil as well and very scary.

So that’s that’s one part of it. The other part of it is that some of those people like you were considered very sexy and attractive and healthy and probably fertile and men would get angry at you for not being their wife whether you were at whatever class you were in, so you guys sort of got the shaft because you probably pissed off just the wrong person or just the wrong group of people and then they just started this campaign against you that got increasingly more powerful overtime so probably yeah it probably came to ahead maybe in the 1990s and you know the truth is there are plenty of very beautiful skinny women I might’ve been one of them at times, but we got so toxic and stupid that we started to see through it.” says Elsie.

“ it’s actually fascinating. That’s part of women’s history, and I find it fascinating.” says Harvard.

“ for a while the 1950s you had a resurgence in the 60s but you don’t really look like Joanne Holloway that was bizarre. That character is bizarre. The actress is very beautiful but that’s not really accurate. It’s just I’m sorry it’s just true. This actor is the model that I’m talking to is Joanne Holloway in reality, that actress is very beautiful. Maybe it was a costume but it wasn’t accurate. It just wasn’t the overemphasized everything she looked more like Kim Kardashian. It wasn’t that isn’t how we would have dressed her and to be honest a woman like her. I’m sorry to say, would’ve probably been married and at home, it really is that frightening the eugenics of it I’m sorry.

Marilyn Monroe is sort of like the actress Christina Hendricks and she may have been killed. I mean most women who looks like that were married back then.

And then women who looks like this woman who are very appealing, but whether you’re more attractive or less attractive sweetie, that’s some thing we’ll talk about later if you can’t handle the fact that this actress this model is maybe a little better looking than you in someway then that’s your problem Christina I don’t know how all of the illuminati got to be so violently Eco testicle.

But note in the model that I was showing, you would’ve been what Joanne Holloway looks like, and the clothes back down the way they would’ve fit her don’t know. Many men in the office would’ve thought she was pretty fantastic, but on Jones behalf, will say that if she was like Joanne, it would’ve been too much sex right in their face and some of them might’ve found that a little offensive to be honest cause I would’ve thought what is this some sort of nightclub like I don’t want this, you know belly dancer, sex dancer in my office Shoving her boobs in my face.

Where is this woman? It’s so subtle that it kind of beguiles them but on a very sort of quiet level, so they kind of look at her and go on my but they don’t over analyze it because it’s not loud it’s not right there to stare at and so then they notice, but it takes a minute and 70 might’ve taken more than a minute and probably she would’ve been very popular, but if she wanted to be, but that wasn’t part of the dynamic and madman, it was just nonsense because you’re supposed to be putting out sweetie and you don’t put out for anybody, the men are supposed to be constantly after you and they’re not they’re just not there’s no evidence of that it’s hearsay.

So so I am sorry you are very beautiful but I think you are miss cast and I think part of it is that it was scary if they cast this model as your character not that you’re not a good actress, but it would have it would’ve been frightening it actually would’ve been creepy to people. I think that’s part of why they might have done it on a subconscious level is it starts to look almost like everyone on the screen is a real person and there’s some thing a little oh, super natural about it if it’s too authentic, I see other flaws but I think they did that to themselves to keep from being totally freaked out.” says Elsie.

“ I didn’t make sense is the character in good girls?” says Christina.

“ oh, no, that I mean that’s not you but you could you could definitely play the character I hated how that show ended. It was complete nonsense. You should have probably ended up the way they were doing. It progressing further in the organization if Maddie chose to work with you. He would’ve had to work with you and if he was that successful he would’ve had to work with you at no that made no sense. You guys might’ve had a sexual relationship but I think it would’ve been depressing not tinted to the lighting in fantastic. It needed to be sad and then you would’ve actually been a boss babe so to speak would’ve started taking over some territory they would’ve moved it and moved you up in the establishment but you wouldn’t have gotten to the top you wouldn’t have gotten to the top you would’ve just sort of cut off somewhere it may be a state or regional level so it’s not like you would’ve met the illuminati if it exist you would’ve just become off probably a front for some money laundering that’s a little more high-level and you probably would’ve been wealthy and your husband would’ve lost it. Somehow I think that’s what should’ve happened and then that would’ve been a different television show. I would’ve been more mature and more decent and more wholly and more normal. I don’t know why people today are so fucking determined to be imbecilic childish bitches.” says Elsie.

“ do you know this is fascinating Lacey and I love that you have a genuine concern for other humans, but darling how does this have anything to do with you?” says a witch.

“ I am building to that or you don’t need to know possibly.” says Lacey.

“ I am I am still mad that’s part of it. She’s picking up on I’m still totally pissed off.” says Matt.

“ Matt, do you find Christina do you find Christina Hendricks attractive?” says Louis.

“ yes I do.” he says.

“ You know I feel like I feel like the character of Pam Beasley is supposed to look like that woman not someone who’s skinny is that true Elsie.” says a man.

“ yes I like the actress but I think to be blunt her body was not for the part it’s not that that one’s not voluptuous possibly even it’s just that’s not what she supposed to look like she’s supposed to be a little bit more plump. Yes I’m sorry it’s not right I hate it. I don’t know if that’s part of the whole aesthetic if it being a paper company in Pennsylvania or what it is but I feel like she’s supposed to be a little more plump yeah.” says Elsie.

“ so like my personality and almost my spirit, but just in a more plump person’s body?” says Pam.

“ i’m talking to the actress who played Pam yes, pretty close not exactly, but pretty close.” says Elsie.

“ aw, so Matt, why exactly is it that you decided to try to be a super model wife I don’t understand why were you in the billionaires yacht picking up a wife?” says Louis. “ and yes, Lacey is actually superior to your wife that is objectively true but I don’t understand why you chose Kate what made you think that made sense because she actually could’ve been offended by you she might’ve thought you were offputting simply because she had this very strong sense of self that was somewhat ridiculous in certain ways but accurate in others and then you just can’t argue with her and so I think you were expecting some thing. I’ve heard that maybe it was a bit much sort of a humility that she couldn’t give you because it’s just not true, and she knows that and then I start of common sense or understanding of things that she just didn’t have time being blunt. because I don’t think she knows what to do with the fact that she’s on a billionaires yacht right now I think she’s fine but she’s floundering because she’s been given strawberries and champagne and chocolate and she’s got this thousand dollar bikini on and she looks really good and I think she’s a little confused.

And she keeps she keeps saying bless her heart. I’ve just got to get my sea legs over and over. I just got to get my Seay likes and there’s no one that understands what she means. Everyone thinks that she’s just sort of ridiculous and they’re just ignoring her some of them, unfortunately are high on cocaine. Some of them are sober And I think she’s just struggling and so it’s a little ridiculous cause it’s like just stop Kate and just try to be a little more sophisticated as what I would say. I grew up middle class lower middle class and I had to learn how to seem posh because I wanted to marry well. I studied it I watch movies. I read magazines and I really try to seem that way because I was determined to be an upper class wife I wanted to have a beautiful house. I wanted that so badly so I had to really force myself to try to seem that posh and it’s effort it was it was work every day I had to work at it, and I did hate myself for who I actually was I hated myself.

But then I marry Louis and we were extraordinarily wealthy I mean one of the wealthiest families to ever exist, possibly. We gave a lot of our money away. We threw a lot of parties and gave some to our family but I I think what I get baffled by is why she doesn’t just digging so to speak and enjoy herself with and also try a little harder to fit in I just think I’m on Elsie excuse me come on Kate just try it she finds that man slightly attractive she does and I just think sweetheart just try a little harder, good grief!” says Elsie.

“ Kate, did you want to look like us or did you want to be like super posh? I haven’t seen that man even could be slightly old money like why are you so against being his girlfriend I don’t get it?” says Katie.

“ Katie I don’t know why were fighting right now.” says Kate.

“ you’re a conniving bitch.” says JFK to Kate.

“ hey, it’s just Matthews not on this boat right now-“ says Kate

“ so Kate, you don’t look like me. I’m hotter than you like a lot hotter.” says Katie.

“ how many hot second cousins does my husband have?” says Kate.

“ alcohol for you lazy ass!” says JFK to Kate. “ oh, OK Katie, Lacey, Linn, Alys yeah oh OK yeah OK. At least six the Kobe others but at least six.”

“ and they’re all hotter than me?” says Kate.

“ yeah I’m sorry but they are.” says JFK.

“ you know sweetie that billionaire thinks you are hot and it’s possible he would have a different evaluating system am I kind of think this is people give up on evaluating people after a while but it’s not actually nonsense but you know keep why do you why are you not willing to try to work with that man? Do you not want to submit to him?” says Elsie.

“ possibly I’ll see yeah.” says Iran.

“ What does dang it why can’t she just do it it’s right there at the yacht the man the food I was like there’s a bunch of slacks in imagination Elsie oh see no not Elsie I’m sorry Kate let’s put you and Chanel by anything you want anything.” says Elsie.

Lacey and her watch.

“ and she doesn’t she’s not buying anything she’s just sitting there and it’s just weird Elsie buy something!” says Elsie.

They watch.

“ oh, damn, no she’s off. Yeah now you’re gonna go off to a football game and get front row seats hot maybe this will get her!” says Elsie.

They watch.

“ oh, no this is this is convincing her that this is not a bad life. Oh wow yeah he just got her some real good ice, beer and a hotdog. I think she’s falling in love.” says Elsie.

They watch.

Kate breaks down in tears.

“ I don’t want to leave my husband for him but he really likes me and this is really, really nice.” says Kate.

They watch.

“ I know they’re getting into a fight over the game, but he is enjoying that.” says Terese.

“ he’s got his arm around her.” says a gay man.

They watch.

“ they’re getting married in a private vacation island somewhere in the Tropic or area near Australia or is it Fiji or something I don’t know but it’s very beautiful and it’s very bright and colorful and I think she actually is in love with him.” says Maria.

“ Kate, is that your soulmate, or twin flame, and this is sort of a preview of the flipping attractions?” says Stephen.

“ Yes, possibly.” the billionaire says.

“ the problem is locate you married into that wealth we have billions in oil but we’re not him. Were you thinking that you would get our money and get to look sexy or something or what was the idea?” says Maria.

“ I want to tell you, but I can’t.” she says.

“ that isn’t necessarily a good sign that’s that’s interesting.” says Maria, shaking her head.

“ no Lacey and I both use something was just silly about the whole thing. I don’t understand why she did that to your family if she’s like this but you know what I also don’t understand is why Matt married her.” says Elsie.

“ Matt, who is Heather’s dream of owning a Minnesota sports team does that have anything to do with marrying Kate?” says George Bush.

“ yes.” says Matt.

“ OK so you found a billionaire’s soulmate and then you married her because she made you feel really cool and rich and glamorous?” says George Bush.

“ yes!” says Matt.

“ OK but you’re not really like soulmates with her?” says Maria.

“ no I’m not.” says Matt.

“ if I ever read this blog and I think it’s possible what am I supposed to do with this information Matt?” says Kate.

“ it doesn’t ruin anything you can still be with him you’ll still be happy you’ll just do some thing different than what we saw or we’re literally seeing into the future.” says Matt. “ You might still want to be with me, but it seems like you guys make the decision and you make the decision that you’d rather be with him maybe maybe not but it’s possible that I knew this when I started talking to her.”

“ does that hurt?” says Kate.

“ yes, it does Kate actually you’re not better than my family do you married into money I take it personally that you think we’re so beneath you.” says Matt.

“ he’s right, Kate, why did you allow yourself that pleasure spiritually before Heaven?” asks her soulmate.

“ honestly, if you exist, I think it’s a theological thing I think I was raised in such a church that it was something that I was taught to do more that I misunderstood and I’ve gotten confused by it.” she says.

“ yeah but then that means that a lot of us are we making that mistake if the Catholics are right about some thing that we don’t understand.” says Jonah.

“ did I let it become like an ego thing for me?” says Kate.

“ you did yes and the truth is no we don’t recognize you we recognize your husband to some degree but we don’t recognize you and you’ll just have to get used to that on your yachts and vacations to Tahiti. You’ll be fine you’ll just have to stop being a jerk if you are one at all.” says Lem.

“ But you have to ask I wanted I wanted you to acknowledge her as you’re equal.” says JFK.

“ and we can’t do that. I’m sorry, Jack.” says Lem.

“ would we acknowledge them not?” says Elsie.

“ no not like no not entirely you did submit to me more than she is submitting to him and his culture and also I was more old buddy than he is but I mean the extraordinary, extravagantly wealthy and they’ll be fine.” says Louis.

“ Matthew why didn’t you just run off with Lacey?” asks Kate’s sister.

“ because she was hot my cousins hot Lucy is very hot. She’s like Pamela Anderson to some degree but whatever I mean the point is she’s a type OK and she’s kind of the type. It’s really hard to capture her on film I she’s just she’s hot and it was just really jarring it was like oh that’s my cousin I guess distantly. And…I wanted to try it…but she said no. Essentially. And then she just… I think Kate distracted me. Literally. I think she started talking to me. And she was upset because of something…related to my family…and Lacey was included in that. But it wasn’t specifically her. So…” says Matt. “And I got distracted. And confused. And forgot.”

“So that was quite a fight!” says a witch.

“Yes.” says Matt.

“What was it about?” says the witch.

“Lacey…looked hot. In her brown dress. Too hot.

My sister had just won Miss North Dakota. Or was about to.

Joni was…Joni.

Linn was extremely beautiful.

Etc.. And…it was overwhelming to her.

AND…she found out Stephen was a big deal.

AND…Mark was super posh and rich.

AND…Eric is eccentric.

And she was starting to feel…’Outnumbered.’“ says Matt.

“Does this have anything to with Tucker Max?” says Elsie.

“Yes.” says Matt.

“Lacey…what did you look like?” asks Louis.

“She was a 10.” says Lem.

“That. But blonde. Almost verbatim.” says Lem.

“That’s not what I meant.” says Louis. He laughs.

“Bleach blond. Skinny. Tan.” says Sean Collins. “She wore Dior Miss Dior Chérie and Chloe Narcisse. And…Marc Jacobs. And Juicy Couture.”

“ so she had like bleach, blonde, puffy hair and then like super tan skin and was it was like great skin and it was like tan and she was like a size 4, but she was still curvy and then she had big pretty brown eyes and fairly straight teeth?” says an Egyptian.

“ yes, but she looked like a sort of Norwegian-hued Scotia.” says Lem.

“ I think to us, we would automatically think that she was probably quite holy would that have been a fair assumption?” says Egypt.

“ yes.” says Lem.

“ what did Katie think of her?“ says Iran.

“I was a sorority girl at university of Nebraska for about a year, and then I left that and decided to become a hippie basically and I’ve been a hippie pretty much ever cents sort of a new type of hippie on so to me being her cousin, her first cousin, it doesn’t look weird because it’s just like I know that lifestyle sort of and I know her background and I would just assume that even if she downed a few shots and slept with somebody that she was basically the same person and hurt at her core because that’s how I am so done and it’s sort of offensive to me morally because I don’t know where people get off thinking that she’s so dramatically different than us without accepting that she somehow different.

I mean, there is something different about her is hard to account for that with her father because it doesn’t make sense but then that’s where people need to be a little less weird about it and actually think she doesn’t look that much like my aunt I thought that she looks like my mother, but it’s not that strong resemblance and I’m a little personally offended that by with the Egyptian‘s were saying, but just because it’s like even if she’s adopted why in the hell did him and his family or his wife’s family think that we were total sluts they’ve never met a rich person who is actually conservative, who doesn’t put out constantly or do they do they just think that rich people are all like total fucking idiots I’m serious I’m offended.” says Katie.

“ do you think you’re like me? I have a girl who hooked up with her husband and I was a pothead and I’m kind of a jerk.” says a woman named Katie.

“ yeah can you be jealous of me too and you think somethings stupid you’re beneath me socioeconomically NSP much possibly to some degree all that it is less if you ask a Hindu but that’s possibly most of it. I’m sorry you might be jealous of my beauty, but I’m not convinced of that.” says Katie.

“ yeah, that could be true. I mean I went to his school I majored in art history. I have a little confused because I feel like had I’ve been able to not 1 o’clock your face off and your cousins face off. I probably would’ve been your friends and partied with you at least once or twice and gotten along with you, who are these people I married into your family I think they think I’m you because we party together or something like that and not like they do in England like they do here at frat houses.” says Katie H.

“ could you have kept from trying to attack me or would you have been doing some thing shitty to me?” says Katie J.

“ call my think I would’ve been doing something shitty to you, unless if I was super distracted, and in a good mood, which isn’t completely impossible.” says Katie H.

“ why did you think that we were like her I have smoked pot Lacey has tried it once, but I’ve I was a pretty big fan of it but see it’s not quite the same as that young lady like I’m more intellectual about it and Lacey was Lacey and she only tried it once and then we thought it was the most hideous experience entire life why did you think we were hurt or what did you think we were?” says Katie.

“ no, I mean yes I am I’m confused too now.” says Terese.

“ because you guys are like two steps away from poverty.” says Kate.

“ You don’t actually know some thing about that that you don’t cause I’m not a pretentious republican bitch like you and I actually am sort of an expert in someways edit with my degree in my background and understanding so be careful what you say to me I’m saying this in the afterlife and I get really pissed off.” says Katie J.

“I’m sensing a family thing related to Zelda and Lem?” says a witch.

“ yes I am and our family is like that my great great great grand. Uncle Silas was a Annapolis nest who freed all the slaves he kept a grandmother and her kids and an old man, so yeah, I mean it really runs in our family.” says Katie J..

“ do you know someday if we still exist I hope historic I hope historians find this blog and I hope they’re able to use it to sort of write about your family in America because it’s actually quite fascinating. I’m not sure which last name you use Sayre or you know CA, or what it would be, but it would be fascinating.” says the witch.

Katie sighs. “ we’re kind of rebellious.”

“ oh, OK so did you understand what I meant by two steps away from poverty?” says Kate, rolling her eyes.

“ yes she did. Oh yeah and I’m pretty sure she did!” yells Katie H. annoyed.

“ I do yeah I do I know that’s not accurate I’m sorry are you imagining that the Civil War will take us down again? How does the scenarios play out?” says Katie J.

“ so there’s a war over the slave robots that are being used by the oil companies to make money and then your family has to fight the slave robots off without making money from oil and then they become middle class and are vulnerable again to the onslaught of the angry peasants who were fighting to free the slave robots.” says Kate. “ it’s simplistic it’s rudimentary, but it’s literature.”

“ we had money before the oil.” says Katie.

“ but if you didn’t have the oil money, you wouldn’t be rich any well know that-

is that true!?” she says.

“ yes, it’s true. No, it’s true.” says the CIA.

“ say I didn’t necessarily understand that because they kind of lied about that to me.” says Kate.

“ how did they lie to you?” says Katie J.

“ they’re very foxy and even though Bethany won the crown miss North Dakota it was all presented to me is like this crazy byproduct of the oil and it’s like we just came from a farm we’re just farm people and yeah we’re hot and smart and bizarrely good looking we’re just farm people.” says Kate.

“ but Linn won miss North Dakota. It was third runner-up that was her first time to riding so I had to explain that that she got third runner up her first time.” says the CIA,

“ Because it’s just an an an an abnormal amount of good luck, so guess that is a little weird but it wouldn’t have to mean anything.” she says.

“ OK um did you know that she was an anchor person for the local news in North Dakota?” says the CIA.

“ no I didn’t and even if I had, I would’ve just thought whatever it’s just a byproduct of her being so pretty.” says Kate.

“ OK but things are starting to get weird though aren’t they Kate?” says Tom Banks.

“ I guess so.” she says, impressed.

“ do you know Lacey is my daughter her mother is a hot stewardess in her 20s and I am a very old man with a lot of money and a lot of free time who liked chicks.” says Tom.

“ oh, do you seem old and stuffy like Humphrey Bogart?” says Kate.

“ oh I am that’s an excellent thing to bring up him. She is my daughter Zoe and if she’s biologically my daughter I held her for the first two months of her life on and that’s one of the things that I am most happy that I did, and I regret most because she trusted a lot of people she shouldn’t have trusted after that End and yet the same time she still remembers my love and that’s kept her from falling apart so she is my daughter. What do you think of that?” says Tom Banks.

“ I mean, it makes sense to me. Where are you going with us Mr. Banks?” says Iran.

“ just let me keep talking to her.” he says.

“ hey I’m mean to me that’s just like not possible.” says Kate.

“ why?” says Tom.

“ big big I mean it’s just it’s like I mean we could hook up but I don’t really want to but I just don’t think that she’s your daughter! Ick!” says Kate.

“ why is she ick?” says Tom,

“ because I look it’s like this if you’re that good looking and you can be with a woman who’s that attractive buddy and then why would you want to be with me and I can tell already that you’re kind of my type.” says Kate.

“I can’t stand you!!” says Tom.

“You lie!!” she says, in shock.

“No. You’re a dumb floozy.” says Tom.

Later.

“Fine!!!” yells Kate.

“Why did you think you liked him?” says Clark Gable.

“Money! says Kate. “Money is a major aphrodisiac for me.”

“But that’s not your money just because you looked at me.” says Tom.

The billionaire likes her.

Later.

“Lacey may die. It’s unclear when.” says a ghost hunter from the future.

“When?” asks a reader.

“2050, unclear other dates.” says Lacey.