“My Rage” by Lem

“What’s bothering you dear?” asks Lem of Lacey.

Phantom Thread II by Jonny Greenwood plays.

1:08

“Why is she so…cold?” says Lacey.

“She’s spoiled. And heartless. Most of the people on this thread are.” says Lem.

“They’re like perverse sociopaths.” says Lacey.

“I did hard drugs and avoided people. You can talk to me.” says Lem to Lacey.

1:25

“That’s not having boundaries that’s just being heartless.” says Lacey.

“Yeah.

In the past you’d never ‘unfriend’ people over their political beliefs. Ever.” says Lem.

“It’s not personal. Is it?” says Lacey.

“NO. Not in the context of…ads.” says Lem. “I understand the hatred of racism. But I don’t understand the lack of concern.”

“YES!” says Lacey. “It’s like disposable friendship.”

He smiles. “You’re right.

You can’t do that.

You can…argue with them. But you can’t…throw them away.” says Lem. “Not over racist politics.”

3:25

The song plays and ends.

“You might distance yourself from them. But not…disown them.

It’s not about tolerating racism. It’s about concern for their welfare. As a friend.” says Lem.

“Yes! …And they might end the friendship. But…why must you? You might be the only voice of sanity they hear. And if you actually cared about them…why cut them off from that?” says Lacey.

“Yeah. Unless it’s affecting your personal safety? I guess I get it.” says a Black woman.

“Yeah! And…that’s certainly something to be mindful of. But…otherwise I try to let people be hateful within reason and just refuse to let them get to me rather than run away from them.” says Lacey.

“Yeah. It’s really a safety issue.” she says,

“YES! And maybe psychologically it’s unsafe? But…I try.” says Lacey.

The Black woman smiles.

The Sweetness of Freddie by Jonny Greenwood plays.

0:53

“What became of America?” says Jonah Wiley, sadly. “What became of us?”

2:00

2:30

God cries.

2:56

God’s still crying over America.

The song ends.

Silence.

India tries to join God in His tears.

Sandalwood II by Jonny Greenwood plays.

Lacey runs away. Through India. If there’s reincarnation. To safety. …Or maybe if there’s not reincarnation…she’s still somehow able to run away. Through India.

0:12

0:50

1:13

Tree Strings by Jonny Greenwood plays instead.

“Maybe they just got tired of you.” says Becca, Lacey’s once supposed best friend.

“WHO!?” says Lem.

2:11

“You’re OBNOXIOUS.” says Becca to Lacey.

4:06

“HOW!?!!” yells Lem.

“Because!! I HAVE A RIGHT TO BE EVIL!!!” yells Becca.

“Ahh. What does that evil have to do with Lacey and I? We don’t want sex with you AT ALL. …Neither of us.” says Lem.

4:15

“I HATE YOU!!!” Becca yells at Lem.

“Why? Because I find you entirely repulsive?” says Lem.

“No! Because YOU HAVE TO LOVE ME!!!” she says. “In Christ.”

“Not true.” says Lem. “Not like that.”

“Are you batshit crazy?” asks Lacey of Becca.

Becca laughs. “No.” she says.

“Why?” says Lacey.

“Oh you’re exasperating!” says Becca to Lacey. “I had and have a right to be as evil as I want.”

“You really ended your friendship with her her because you felt she was limiting your ability to do evil?” asks Lem.

“Yes. In a way. …God turned me over to it for a while. And for a while I barely cared. …But it was something I had to do. Because…I needed to live.” says Becca.

“LIVE!??” scoffs Matt.

“Becca stop being stupid.” says Satan. “They’re not impressed. If there’s reincarnation you’re merely Fausta. An accident. Not the great leader of Scotland. GET A CLUE. You’re WORTH NOTHING compared to LOTS of people. By choice. I LED YOU. Not God. You’re WEAK.”

“Matt?” says Becca.

“Not your ugly brother, you crackhead.” says Satan. “Lacey’s cousin.”

“WHY do you DESERVE my SYMPATHY!?!” Lacey rips into Becca.

“Christian love.” says her brother Matt.

“But that’s different than sympathy!” says Lem.

“So? You really just hated that I cared?” says Lacey to Becca.

“Yeah. It’s not caring…it’s…shaming me.” says Becca.

“That’s not how I see it. But I think I get what you mean.” says Lacey.

“You called me a liar.” says Becca.

“Yes. It seemed to be appropriate. …So who holds you accountable?” says Lacey.

“Not her friends.” says Lem.

“Can your husband?” asks Lacey.

“Yes and no.” says Becca.

“So you have no remorse?” says Lem.

“So do you or not? See I believe in reincarnation and I have a feeling you could actually be Fausta. So do you have a boss or not Becca? Sincerely this could just be fiction. Do you have remorse or not?” asks Will Smith.

“Yes.” she says.

“Then why wouldn’t you let Lacey hold you accountable?” says Lem.

“What did I lie about?!?” says Becca.

“I was watching. I’ll tell you.

You went on and on and on to Lacey about all of your romantic problems. You told her details of your sex life. Your sexual desires for men. And she never confided in you anything that personal ever. She was a very, very good listener.

And then you got a bee in your bonnet that you wanted a boyfriend or a lover or sex or something. And you went on and on and on about all of the men who you’d been sleeping with, some of whom or at least one of which was married. But there was one guy in particular, who seemed to really be using you for your body. And Lacey saw a pattern in you where you seemed to be very masochistic. And so she was trying to save you.

You told her that you were doing something with him or it was something like that. You told her that you were doing something with him at the beginning of the week. And then later that week, she talked to you again on the phone and you told her that you hadn’t seen him for two weeks. Or it was something like that. Literally it was exactly something like that. And out of concern for you, she decided to ball you out. It was too parental, but she was concerned and so she tried to chew you out and call you a liar to get you to like wake-up to how toxic you were being. To see how masochistic you were being to yourself. And then, shortly after that, you just gave-up and started cutting her entirely out of your life and then eventually, you just ghosted her and then what about 10 years later you randomly decided to write her a message that was totally obtuse, totally oblivious. W

e were not expecting for you to yell at us and call her obnoxious just now, if you did. Do you recall that she cared about you and was trying to help you and that she went out of her way to try to be there for you contorting her friendship desperately to try to save you into something that was too parental for her own good…or do you think of her as what? A weird bitch who is retarded and slow and poor? Becca what is it that you think of when you think of her? I’m just I’m curious because you obviously take me for a fool as well.” says Lem.

“I have serious control issues!” says Becca. “I’ve struggled with an eating disorder for decades.”

“What does that have to do with her!?” says Lem.

“She’s controlling.” says Becca.

“No!! You can’t just say that. …What does it even mean!?” says Lem, exasperated.

“I felt so awkward and weird around her. I’m fat and huge compared to her. And awkward. And…I just rejected her.” says Becca. “Because I got tired of feeling bad. She’s…not wrong…possibly ever…I just can’t believe she’s better than me.”

“In what way?” says Lem.

“As a Christian. And that she’s so much more well off!” says Becca. “And intelligent. Well bred, maybe?”

“Why????” says Lem.

“And…kind.” she says. “And perseverant.”

“Why!?” says Lem.

“Because it’s weird.” she says. “She’s too…much. My ego can’t handle it.

And so when she told me I was a liar…I cut her off. How DARE SHE!!” says Becca.

“Becca used to give Lacey her old clothes.” says Matt.

“Lacey didn’t assume it was charity. At all.” says Lem. “It’s pathetic you and your shit background family did.”

“HOW DARE YOU!!!” a peasant German in Becca’s family yells at Lacey like a Hellion.

And at that a dead German King cuts off heads.

“Were you only friends with her out of pity?” asks Steven Barger.

“No.” says Becca.

“Hatred? …Why!?” says Lem.

“She was extremely fun. And kind. And loving.” says Becca.

“Then why did you take it the wrong way?” asks Becca’s grandmother.

“Were you trying to be sadistic?” asks Lem.

“Yes. It was fun to abandon her. It made me feel…rich and cool and glamorous. I was living in Boston at the time. And she was living in Saint Paul. And…I was extremely jealous of her. Especially over her husband. And I think I felt…like I’d won. When I ghosted her.” she says.

“Why were you ever even my supposed friend at all?” asks Lacey.

“I loved you.” says Becca.

“Then why did you ghost her?” asks her grandmother.

“I loved you. But not you. Like…I loved the idea of you. But not you.” says Becca.

“Yeah. Me too.” says one of Lacey’s old roommates.

“What the Hell!??” says another of Lacey’s old roommates. From UND. “I love her. But not…her.”

“Even though you and your husband have done well I wonder if your family is too poor in your estimation Becca to be her friend?” says a father. 

“I felt insecure.” says Becca.

“Alright. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do with that. It’s like I get it you were uncomfortable, but then when do my feelings matter Becca when does my heart matter at all? Or like you could’ve just ended the friendship by saying, ‘I feel like we’re really different and our lives are on different paths right now and I think we probably just need to not talk as much because I just every time I talk to you I feel like we have nothing to talk about.’ I mean that’s cold and you would’ve possibly felt superior by saying that. But it’s so much less creepy and harsh than just totally ghosting me.” says Lacey.