“Humor” by Lem

“Scotia is nice. She’s just a poor Irish woman from Ireland. And she’s just gonna hang out for a while.” said Joe Kennedy Junior in 1999. Grinning.

The Magnificent Seven plays.

“Where did you guys get the impression that she was a poor Irish woman?” says the James J. Hill family.

“Because I have the same cheekbones as her. She just has brown eyes. But she has like the same kind of complexion that I do…she’s low gluten intolerant…and she makes awe-inspiringly good potatoes.” says Joe Junior kicking up his feet.

The song ends.

Bonanza plays.

“So she has small bones too doesn’t she Joe?” says Louis.

“Yeah, she’s really pretty. And she’s down to earth. She reminds me so much of my family.” he said.

0:56

“But those eyes look a little bit dark for an Irish person somehow?” says Egypt.

“Ahh…that’s just because she’s Scotia.” says Joe, in active denial.

“The thing is, I don’t know that she’s Irish. Joe I don’t think she’s Irish at all, necessarily.” says a Norwegian. “At least…not much.”

Gunsmoke plays.

Lacey runs home. Crying.

“I did possibly actually help write that.” says John Seay. “Her mother used to play similar songs she tried to invent on their piano at home. I guess we sound alike.”

Lacey relaxes mentally for a second in a Seay living room.

Patience’s ancestor cries too.

“Becca did you act insane to distance yourself from Lacey?” asks the CIA.

“Yes.” she says in Christ.

“Because you know there’s something wrong with you.” says the CIA.

“Yes.” says Becca in Christ.

“Why did you abandon her?” asks the CIA.

“Because I’m…crazy. And I don’t care. But in my spirit as a Christian I do. I’m actually saved. I’m a real born-again-Christian. But in my flesh…I’m hateful and crazy. So…she can hear my love for her in Christ. Or my family’s love. In the song. Music. God? …But…-“ says Becca.

“Your mind in crazy?” says a woman.

“Yup.” says Becca.

“Do we really know you Becca?” says Mark Nesheim, her cousin.

“Kinda. …I lie. …But somewhere in Heaven I have a good heart.” says Becca.

“Becca, you sound incredibly southern.” says a woman.

“ no I knew I know I’m evil, which is why I distance myself from her but it is such a small part of my brain that can keep things straight and I have messed up at times and covertly molested her but I wasn’t as bad as my husband, he was bat shit crazy and it’s probably been an incredibly weird life for her because she knows in a little little part of us does care, but it’s so small that it doesn’t even count and yet it does count but it doesn’t at the same time.” says Becca.

“Do you like the Seays?” says Maria to Lacey.

The Seays ignore Maria.

“ becca, do you work with children?” asks Patience.

Becca cries. Melts in the afterlife. Literally.

“ this is what you wrote about this is how we treat people even if we molested you this is still how people are actually held accountable. How the hell did you forget that?” asks JD’s grandma of JD Vance.

“ and I work with kids yes I am I work at kids I I have molested them in my mind, but I have not molested them in any other way.” says Becca.

“ oh, I don’t think that’s true Becca.” says Patience.

“ that actually might be I know it’s shocking, but it actually might be true. Check with God.” says Becca.

“ you and you might not have Becca what stops you?” says Patience.

“ I knew I could get away with it with Lacey because she was in my house and I was raising her and she was vulnerable. I really am evil and insane but I have some conscience and I was afraid of God.” says Becca.

“ so Lacey, you can unequivocally guarantee that it was absolute shit to be molested?” says a southerner.

“ yep I can guarantee you yeah on my honor.” says Lacey drinking spiced wine. And preparing a pot pie.

“ How are you OK?” says Lacey.

“ Because it really was just bat shit crazy you know and I have a brain and I could figure that out about that out.” says Lacey.

“ what do you mean?” says a southern woman.

“ well, it’s hard to find a way to explain it. It’s kind of like if someone was trying to be a vegetarian and they kept substituting meat and all of their food and it’s somewhat convincing but it doesn’t taste like meat really I mean it there’s something about it that’s sort of like meat but it’s not really meat, and then they add you know a little bit of chicken broth to it because they give up and they think I guessed. Yeah they start adding fish and you think no that’s cheating that’s meat. It’s hard to explain but it’s so it’s sort of like you just realize over time that it’s just bullshit. It’s like this is just a mushroom dip. There’s nothing in here but mushrooms and then when they add the chicken which is chicken broth what should be symbolic of my actual sexuality it’s Like, this is it this is a bad analogy it’s kind of like oh let’s say I brought the chicken broth so they gave up and found chicken broth in my refrigerator, so oh so it’s a knows it’s not my chicken broth it’s your chicken broth it’s like it’s still chicken broth and it’s by chicken broth that’s chicken broth but that isn’t you that isn’t your meat you don’t have any meat this is a bad analogy but basically what I’m trying to communicate is that it’s just bullshit maybe it’s hard to imagine if you’ve not experienced it and that’s great if you have it but it’s not normal to and it’s good that you have it but it’s just really not real and they have to cheat and you know start stealing your stuff from other peoples refrigerator to try to make it seem real and it’s like that’s not your food that’s not your recipe or that’s not that’s not right because that’s not what you’re claiming that says you’re claiming that this is vegetarian and it’s not convincing because it’s not real it’s just mushroom dip you’re just a bunch of vegetables that’s not meat maybe there’s a similar component because it’s from the earth but you know you might as well go eat paper like it’s not meat. I suppose if you could make meat somehow scientifically like a vegetable you could probably get out of my analogy so that will be my analogy doesn’t work in that way either but basically it’s just it’s nonsense. It’s just absolute nonsense and maybe I’m gifted in the sense that I am more cognitively aware of that, and some people would be But it really is just nonsense.” says Lacey.

“ did you ever think it wasn’t?” she says.

“ when I was very little yes and no at the same time it’s possible for a few minutes I was literally for a few minutes. I was confused or a few weeks or something but I was about three or four years old. I’ll probably more like three maybe four slightly but not really a yeah like three or four I was a little confused, but I was also very little, by the time I was seven or eight I started to realize that it just didn’t make any damn sense. At least by seven or eight probably before that but I always kind of had suspected it was nonsense, but I’d say by seven or eight I was positive. It was nonsense. Yeah, about seven or eight I was positive maybe the little younger than that I thought this is just nonsense, and it was heartbreaking because I think in a way I kind of felt like I didn’t have a father anymore or a mom possibly entirely but you know that’s why I handle things the way I handle them and I just sort of moved on with the situation but that is it I was it was rough realizing that.” says Lacey.

“ it was rough, realizing that why?” says a man.

“ him, because I had been made a fool out of it really is just not since sweetie it when I was confused, I was scared I was scared, and I was in a sort of state of almost psychosis, but when I came out of that and started living more in reality and figuring out reality I realized that I had been taken advantage of I thought shit I didn’t really want to feel those things sexually that was weird and I do it at the time in a little part of my head but when you’re a kid you go along with your parents do you know if they say brush your teeth you brush your teeth you have to and then you think I guess brushing teeth isn’t so bad so it was Lawrie sort of like that it’s like oh I guess I’ll just go along with us. Maybe this isn’t so bad but little part of me was like no there’s something a little weird about Tess and then as I got older, I thought now it really is just nonsense and of course it’s weird and you that it’s like shit I knew that, and it was like oh shit I knew that these people are traders to me. They don’t give a fuck about me and that was it was hard to realize I think indeed.” says Lacey

Lacey checks on her pie.

“ so did you ever find them off?” says someone.

“ You know there are different approaches to handling being molested in my case. Yes, I did. I did fight them off. My father almost killed me once, and then I started psychologically managing them and then that was like exhausting but I did my best. I kind of kept them both busy, and then basically possibly just raised myself to some degree also, I feel like they did a little bit here and there and you know it’s it is what it is.” says Lacey.

“ I am Lacey is not a pedophile at all, and she handled it like an expert human. I doubt that there’s really any human who’s ever handled being molested by both of their parents better ever in all of human history.” says God.

“ didn’t screw her up at all?” asks an Italian.

“ not much she’s not sexually screwed up at all. She is a genius and she’s somehow with my help and her own genius and good heart was able to almost counsel herself as it happened and as she grew up, I know sexually she’s more normal and healthy than most people

But she doesn’t necessarily always understand certain situations it’s not because she doesn’t understand her self necessarily and try to think of how you would how I would explain this. I am because I am God but she’s also talking it’s not me so she’s trying to hear me and it’s not easy.

The only way she’s disturbed is that she doesn’t take her own pain seriously enough everything else is pretty much normal or she is basically fixing her self as we speak. There’s nothing wrong with her sexually at all in a personally I don’t think there’s much that’s left. If anything it’s really just that she doesn’t deal with her own pain like it’s real.

But that’s not because she’s weak. It’s actually really not. It’s because people don’t give a fuck about her. Maybe I swore maybe I didn’t that’s what came out of her mouth and she’s trying to talk for me.

You have to understand I’m God the buck stops here. If this is what she’s hearing and it’s me don’t just don’t.

Her husband but maybe he would like to care about her, but he struggles he cares to some degree but I’m not gonna excuse his behavior. That’s between me and him. He’ll have to be accountable for everything when he dies even if it’s washed by the blood.

That would be purgatory to some degree.

Him the thing is people don’t care about her enough regardless and so no one‘s ever really given her insight into her own pain because people don’t have enough concern for her to actually empathize with her counselors, friends family she has never had somebody to confide in who actually gave a fuck about her I’m sorry it’s hard not to say that Mark cares her little husband does care, but she’s tried to confide in him countless times, and one time when she was first dating him. She was so devastated by his lack of concern for her, that she literally thought about killing herself, she can fight it and have some thing that she really was trying to save for the love of her life, and they were married, and she looked on her guard and opened up to him and he just barely said a fucking word and she waited for an hour for him to say something kind Then he just didn’t have anything to say. He said he gave her a sad look and I and that was not enough because she really opened up. That’s between me and him what was going through his head and why he had nothing to say but that’s the level of love she’s been showing counselors have had basically almost no concern or compassion for her at all they’ve all been women because she’s afraid of men because she was brutally molested by her father, but most women who have counseled her have been jealous and competitive and conniving. 

Oh, she’s not confused about what it is to be a woman though but if there’s ilumiNATTI, she really was very close to Queen Elizabeth. She’s an excellent mother to her daughter she’s not not a woman she’s not really all that messed up. It’s just that she doesn’t have a good sense of her own level of suffering and uncover and discomfort in conversation with people even physically at her pain tolerance level is to the point where I don’t know if the easy to torture her. And I’m not saying that because I want you to I’m saying that because I don’t think people have grasp in the medical community how much pain she’s actually been in like when she was screaming when she was going through childbirth, she actually wasn’t an extraordinary amount of pain.

She she blood a bit too much but she’s OK but there’s a reason she was bleeding. She was super naturally attacked during both of her pregnancies, but she made it through.

If you’re expecting her to be ‘normal’ I think you just have to sort of let it go.” says God. “ she is as normal as Queen Elizabeth II.”

The pot pie isn’t bad.

“So she doesn’t feel her own pain?” asks a man.

“ no she registers at like a normal person, but she puts it in a box in her head so to speak.” says God.

“Oh she’s saving it?” says a man.

“ yes for Lem to unpack and hold her and let her cry.” says God.

“That’s a trick she learned from us, regardless.” says England.

“Yes! It’s very effective.” says Lacey.