“Battle Plans” by Lem

Lacey’s in-laws country club is hosting a gala. It’s Battle For Democracy. A special Illuminati shindig.

“Looks like MY HOUSE!” screams a woman in the Illuminati to try to convince Lacey she’s in the lower class like Casi. Because according to her metrics…having in-laws who go to this county club…means your poor. “Based on the numbers.” She’s a billionaire. So…according to her…owning a mansion, a lake house and going to this country club is poor…in comparison…to her billions. And as their billions are the gold standard of the new upper class according to them country clubs like this are suspect.

So these people are according to the Illuminati “the new suffering poor.”

A Beautiful Mine by RJD2 plays.

These people with their millions…are POOR.

“Bobby how do you sneak in?” asks the first woman.

He has no answer. He has NO rational answer.

“Lacey‘s family are silversmiths from Norway and there’s a historic knighted author in her family an Electoral College vote and those are all actual substantial substantiated facts. She also has a cousin who has built a plane in his huge building on his property in Washington state who is part of a militia of elite Norwegian white supremacists with millions. He’s the Republican in the family.

We just play golf.

Lacey is probably a natural at golf because after reading this blog, I am extraordinarily concerned and excited about the concept of Christian reincarnation which means that there will probably be playing a heck of a lot of golf with Queen Elizabeth II and Philip when they die because it seems like they can play together and have a very jolly time. Lacey’s people, the Scottish, the nation that she created play a lot of golf!

Anyway getting back to what I was saying, her family has billions in oil and a large estate worth about $8,000,000. And they have other exclusive properties as well worth millions in the Midwest, and on the Pacific Coast in Washington state, but yes. And one of her cousins almost married a rather aristocratic person of some note but that’s not pertinent of information, so to speak. A Carlyle or something. And I forgot to mention again the billions in oil.

OK and she’s made about $250,000 inheritance you know whatever…and then the family made upwards of maybe $50,000,000 to $100,000,000 from just the oil but they had already had millions in the family since the 1940s or 30s because they were historic silversmiths in Norway and professors and stuff like that. The only poverty in her family wrote in a book that then became a historical document about Norwegian immigrants, and that author was knighted by the King of Norway in 1954. He wrote several other published books and was a co-editor-in-chief of one of the most important Norwegian-American newspapers in history.

Jill’s family is lower middle class shit compared to Lacey‘s, literally. But she’s a huge fucking-idiot-bitch and she was jealous of the fact that her husband found Lacey fuckable because Lacey’s incredibly sexy…so she lost her poopy-pants-shit and made a total fucking ass of herself. Ken is very much like his son. We don’t understand them.

We actually might have loved them as people. We might even love Jill, but we’re kind of people with a sense of humor…because somehow we’re a little less freaked-out by our own wealth than Jill. We’re not quite like Lacey, where being in a country club is painful because you have to be ‘nice’ to people. Her whole family is like that. They hate country clubs because you have to be ‘nice’ to people and I wouldn’t be surprised if she hates sharing a golf course with more than maybe one person, but that’s OK. I actually somewhat empathize with that. In Heaven I plan on having my own golf course too at times. It’ll be kind of fun, yes, I really do like golf. Yes, every once in a while it might be kind of nice to just have it all to myself just to think and yeah play golf. It really is a nice thinking person‘s game and you get to just be out there in you know the wilderness, so to speak, and just think. It’s just really nice. It’s a very nice idea, anyway. Just take a cigar, take a coffee take some tea, take a drink and just RELAX. Just rewind, just relax. Anyway, no she has a hard time sharing things like that. It’s extremely psychically painful. The Nesheims could play golf on their land, but then they’d have to turn it into a golf course…and that’s kind of icky…so anyway… Although I kind of wonder if they’ve let some of that land just breathe, so to speak, at this point. Which is interesting. I’m sure there’s a lot of wild animals living there now…but anyway.

So basically, I’m just talking at this point because I’m a little freaked out this blog might be real and you just saw my picture? Well…and I appreciate the opportunity to defend my my nation’s freedom, from the golf course. …So our country club is hosting An Illuminati Special Event…for the billionaires who are ‘snapping us.’ …I guess they’re trying to save us because they think that we’re poor? Or what? …Anyway, I just sort of wanted to give them a chance to explain themselves, you know, to us, cause I don’t feel poor. *He laughs* And also explain themselves to the Russians because I think they think we’re possibly all lunatic idiots. …And I would like to give the Illuminati just a real quick chance to explain themselves because it’s shocking to comprehend that these people are really that backward and bizarre…but if this blog is to be believed, if her psychic experience in the Illuminati and is not just Purgatory then…well…this is real…and unfortunately they’re really that stupid.” says a man at this country club playing golf.

“We saw Jill as one of us!!” explains a (New Money) billionaire. “I’m Old Money.”

“No. You’re OBVIOUSLY not.” says the man on the golf course.

“I have three houses? One in the Hamptons.” she says.

“I’m not necessarily as impressed as you might want me to be.” he says. “I’m sorry?”

Tsar Putin laughs. Smiles.

“Why are we in Russia?” asks a young woman drinking a perfect sweet iced tea over ice with lemon.

Matt threatens to pour her iced tea over her head if steps out of line.

“Your genes are obviously inferior to mine. Stop trying to Mean Girl my cousin. …You know…I almost fucked the shit out of her. Yeah!

Would you like me to fuck you?“ he says.

I put on a traditional dress for your country club.

*He looks HOTT.*” says Matt, laughing.

“Yes.” she begrudgingly admits under oath, so to speak.

“I know. I’d make you cum.

Has anyone made you cum before?” asks Matt.

She cracks-up laughing. Covers her mouth.

He looks sad. Looks down. “Yeah. …It’s not like you haven’t…sorta. But…older men like me…know how to make women happier. If they’re not just girls.” he says, smiling.

She thinks.

“Can you stop? I’m worth a HELL of a lot more than you think. My grandfather was a millionaire dentist. And…my great grandmother was from a rich Norwegian family. Actually rich. Not pretend rich.” he scoffs. “Take her away. I can’t stand this peasant-cock bitch.”

The young woman is literally lifted up and carried away. By dead British soldiers. She is dropped next to a swimming pool. Nicely. And then given her iced sweet tea. She sips it and giggles. He really is that hot.

“Antics aside…let’s have a discussion. The first gentleman was not incorrect. …We just heard from a very New Money violent bitch in the country club who has a narcissistically twisted mind. But her parents pushed their finances to the limit to join, so she feels entitled. Extremely psychotically self-important.

Anyway…let’s go on.” says Matt.

“Lacey when we first met you…you helped us load the dishwasher.” explains Jill. “Why did you do that?”

“To charm you. Of course I grew-up doing that. But I had it in my head that it was charming.” says Lacey.

Ken Schiebel laughs.

“No. That’s not.” he says.

“But it’s so…helpful.” says Lacey.

“Yes! But it’s weird.” says Ken.

Lacey thinks. “But it’s charming?” she says.

“Is it a farm thing?” says Jill, trying to help.

“YES!!” says Lacey, proudly but humbly.

Jill smirks.

“What? Having a farm is VERY WONDERFUL!” says Lacey, joyfully.

Jill cracks up laughing. “NO! It’s NOT!” she says.

“NO! IT IS!!!” says Lacey, with growing rage.

“ Matthew is really hot and this is really good sweet tea and he dropped me off by a pool and that was kind of fun and I feel kind of like a English tart right now. It was just a little too saucy for her own damn good and I’m kind of liking that vibe for myself, so I’m having some sort of dark fun. I guess you could say not not like a darky, but like sort of melancholy evil, dark or sad, dark or some thing a so I’m kind of enjoying myself, but obviously you can’t do this because people would be totally shocked and confused by you and your family, so this is America and if there’s a incarnation you and Matthew are obviously British aristocrats and we are a bit much for you to handle because were so quiet in the wrong way and I feel like I’m falling in love with Matthew, which is sort of hilarious I feel like I’m nude in Austen novel he really is like tall buff, handsome and white and that’s not some thing that you actually see that often. It’s really interesting don’t really I’m sorry it’s not some thing that you find everywhere. Just an actual white dude who’s really white? Who is also like hot.

So what I’m trying to say to you sweetheart is that your family farm is worth like $50 million. If your family farm was to sell today it would sell for at least 50 million within about a day because people know that the oil is still there and there’s like billions of dollars worth of oil in the land And that the long-term investment of the oil because of our fucked up system that is capitalist but stupid people capitalist is that I’m gonna start calling it because it’s true I’m a little bit of a conservative and that way I was raised in country club so to me it’s stupid people capitalist because in reality you guys on billions of oil billions of dollars worth of oil but But it’s not something that we recognize because we’re too dumb to realize what we’re looking at over to clever or to evil or all of the above. I don’t know but you guys knew that because you’ve had money since the 1700s and actually you’ve probably had it before that and so you kind of have a little bit of a way with money in your family Anyway that’s really happy to me as someone who grew up in a country club that actually makes me feel happy to think that people really are that smart sometimes but it’s just and that complicated. Yeah I’m at a committed suicide you’re right he’s like the conventional hot dude and novel not like lamb but there’s a slight similarity and they’re sort of characters or personages, I’m having fun at Cecil so anyway it’s just not the same thing. My family did so much push themselves to be at the country club and it was a little bit of a stretch for us financially but we got in and their retirement is your right not what it should be, but it’s not bad I mean they have about that about About about $1 million in retirement um which is maybe about as much as your family you’re at your father raised you has a little more in your family than ours but I guess he chose to just screw up everything you know I’m gonna stop listening to the illuminati and I’m gonna just start talking because I’m realizing this who are just morons so basically Lacey no not everyone’s farm is like your farm .

We expect you to know these things, even though no one admits them to you and your spiritual genius and so you know that you can’t actually take that seriously if we keep denying it, you can take it seriously as truth but you can’t take it seriously as what we think or hold us to it because we refuse to admit that it’s reality and it doesn’t change reality but it changes the course of how we deal with reality I’ll say for now Him so the reality is that farms are not what you think they are in this country I think in your perspective you’re thinking of like elite people farms like countries, close like country Farms that are in families like the one your father owned or that they hell family owned like hobby farms almost like apple, orchard, hobby farms with like horses and apples and stuff and that is a really cool idea that they clearly did about 100 years ago And like the Condon family or something possibly but I’ll that’s old money if that’s what you guys dead so you had farms for fun and that’s not that’s an interesting concept but then it’s just for fun. I think there are people in your family right now, who have farms like that, but then they live off of them at the same time in a way that isn’t may be entirely real, but they do kind of but not really, and so I am sort of amused by that that that people like the Kennedys are basically destitute idiots with drug addiction problems in the gutter in like a generation because they’re such low trash pieces of shit yeah and then your family is like from like the 1300s old money and then you guys are just like well Farms are really elite and you know what yeah they are having a 10,000 acre farm worth $50 million in a day is not something Bobby will ever understand I am not sure he’s been worth more than 50 million his entire life and he spent it all on drugs and stupidity And then they pretended that they were poor and that they couldn’t afford tables and stuff in the 60s because they were trying to get lamb hard and also because they were dumb as fuck so it’s like oh we’re running out of money we can’t afford a table and they make jokes about it to try to seem like you guys but in reality they were just cocksuckers who found a straight dude who was fucked up in his head and like trash bastards they just tried desperately to get his dick hard possibly for hours at times poor love You know I am I am like Lacey and I I know what people do and I seriously wouldn’t be surprised if they sat around with that poor sad bespeckled man Blem, and just like sucked his cock or like touched it and we’re just like get hard, dick get hard please get Harlem deck and it just never works because they were dudes and their sisters were all but ugly if they had a sexier sister, I’m not sexy enough but if they had a sexier sister, maybe they might have gotten him somewhat confused and he should’ve started having sex with men but then the men would’ve gotten hurt by him or it would’ve gotten really ugly and then he would’ve felt some sense of ownership over all of them that he never felt which is why they thought it made sense to use him to begin with. I mean you guys this is just obvious psychology and if you grew up with more money and more time to think about stuff in a better education, like the one, I have Lacey has you know that kind of crap yeah, I met at a dentist right now because that woman was a nut job the way that she treated her.

Oh anyway so anyway, all that to say poor lemon, his sad you know British straight man cock no I Tyson how to talk like that to like when I get a few drinks in me honestly, though it is sad she’s right, because as somebody who is growing up in a sex positive environment I actually feel empathy for him, and and I feel sadness and sort of a secondhand embarrassment that he thought he was gay I know guys cause I’m from a nice family that can be like that there are no you’d be surprised there are a number of nice guys who are from nice families who go to nice country clubs, who aren’t in the Kennedy bitch family from hell who are actually really that capable of getting that confused I possibly dated one or two of them, and they’re not bad men they’re actually really sweet and if you fell in love with one of them maybe it would make sense but I never have I just don’t have patience for that kind of thing but that’s not. That’s not some thing that doesn’t exist. I just thought I should explain that because you people seem incredibly ignorant and backward in the illuminati.

The Kennedys are probably backward redneck, jackasses masquerading as us, and I think that they can’t except their own homosexuality. And so they tend to repress a lot of information and a lot of genuine analysis, and the gay community is just in capable of processing it for some sad reason.

This is reality, and I am ashamed as an American that you guys have made us look so fucking stupid to the entire fucking world for the last 8 to 9 years. There are a number of children right now, who are probably is being sent to heaven because you guys really are imbeciles, and I am embarrassed to be alive with you.

But anyway, no Joe Laceys farm or Joe or Lacey Jills farm was like a normal people farm. It was like a farm people you have to like survive and make money and it’s hard work and it’s a struggle your farm that you kind of grew up on but didn’t grow up on is like a super elite old money family farm that just sort of happened to come into their lab just felons their lab you know they just came to Norway they came to America in the early 1900s and just bought like thousands and thousands of acres of land And they’re just you know happened to be like billions of dollars worth of oil on it that they found probably through the genius in someway and then you know I mean they’re just sort of you know doing the farm thing and to be honest with you you guys are probably worked harder than her family ever has you guys are obviously not you, but Matt and other people in your family are obviously like buff cowboy like sexy Norwegian people Because partially because of your farm work and the fact that you guys like work out and like know how to eat appropriately because your upper class so it’s like a Norwegian farm. It’s the stereotypical Norwegian thing where you guys are like super chill and sweet and super white and mild mannered and then you’re like all buff And like him aristocratic, and then like everything is like rose, mauling, or like sweet little things that you kept in the family and then you were your little boo nods and you smile and your dance and wear your little silver Smith jewelry and then you know it’s like you work out you know you hate you you work on the farm on your tractors, and you have your back your bales of hay and you work really hard and you do like you guys work physically really hard but it’s almost like you guys think you’re in some sort of farm triathlon every day It’s like farming Olympics for the Norwegians in America.

And I I I am intrigued by you’re a great, Grand uncle, because I highly suspect that he was a lot like the other people in your family who are like we’re Norwegian, first and foremost, and yet not really, they say with a wink it’s like we’re Norwegian, but not really and so we’re American and they mean it but then there’s a part of them that sort of somewhere in the back of their head subconsciously goes are we really just Norwegians living in America or are we actually really Americans? It depends on the honesty of this country and or maybe it doesn’t maybe that’s where you people took over the country without us, realizing it which is super Norwegian, I mean you guys are Vikings it’s like oh hey, we just showed up with oil and thousands of acres of land in one spot and then we found the illuminati and now we’re running the world.

That’s kind of what’s happening but if there’s if this is real and it’s not just fiction that’s basically what happened she just found ilumiNATTI on behalf of the Vikings essentially the Vikings and if we’re getting real Ron dirty she did she found the illuminati on behalf of the literal Vikings accidentally Maybe it was an accident but she did find it but it was an accident on her part. You know you guys talk to her but she is a woman being as sexy as she is accidentally found you guys and then all hell broke loose because you guys couldn’t accept the fact that you found in Norwegian not Jill Schiebel‘s poop.

Oh, so the thing is Lacey the people are getting so narcissistically confused right now, but will just try to work with them the people in the illuminati I can just sunset they’re super super confused and it’s really funny to me to you. It’s probably terrifying and harassing because they’re sadistic psychotic, psycho pathic weirdos from hell practically but all that to sit and chill seems like one to slightly, which is interesting, yeah she’ll totally fucked everything up for herself and her family. They have a minor amount of prestige and she just basically threw it into the toilet when she attacked Lacey like a total freak from hell but anyway him and I was wonder if Casi was trying to cover for her or out her and she couldn’t figure out which one it was anyway Lacey we’re not like your family OK so when we have problems financially, it’s not just a glitch it’s not just a temporary experiment in poverty her family farm is like their livelihood. Not just some grand experiment of epic proportions called America.” says the country clubber to the Lacey.

Later.

“But we see you Lacey through Jack’s perspective.” says the Illuminati.

“Okay. Then let’s talk about the war!” says Tsar Putin.

“Okay! Ahh…we want to save Ukraine.” says the Illuminati to Tsar Vladimir Putin.

“Ahh! You want to save Ukraine!?” says Putin. “Oh how jolly! …Why?”

“To keep making money off child slavery.” says the Illuminati.

He sighs. “Mmkay…but I’m a romantic. And a genius. And I take it personally that you don’t want me to feel comfortable in my own damn body.

Can you try to understand that? Ou non?” says Tsar Putin.

“So you just don’t feel comfortable selling humans?” says the Illuminati to Tsar Putin.

“No!” says Putin. “I actually don’t. I’ve sold adult sex slaves. For years. Of course. …But those are ADULTS. And it’s very evil…but…adults have psychological coping mechanisms that child do not physically have. It’s brain development. Very simple science.

I’m ashamed of myself for doing it. I’m very sorry genuinely ashamed. It’s very evil. …But I’m not…a phony. I’m not a fake person. Okay? I’m sincere. …We have some child hostages in Russia too. But far, far fewer. FAR FEWER. Because I don’t tolerate it. It’s extremely prevalent everywhere today. All around the world. But…it’s not accepted in Russia. We don’t make it our national religion. We are a Christian 😞 I nation.” Tsar Vladimir Putin.

“So you find it abhorrent?” says the Illuminati.

“Yes!” says Putin. “Very clearly, I do. Yes. I find it to be worse than playing with fire.

You see…I believe in an afterlife. Alright? I have enough proof! And I have faith.

When you manifest ghosts and move my bed at night…with demons…who I can cast out in Jesus’s name…I have to think that there’s probably a sort of…supernatural. And given my other investigations…I’m quite sure I have comfortably arrived at the conclusion that there is indeed…a life after death for humans.

Based on that…I have to be careful. You see…I’m not the full authority of the universe. Can you try to comprehend that? I’m not God. I’m not a…deity. I’m…a human. And so…I have to take my sinful deeds into account. Can you try to understand that?!? …If I die…I will be in very big trouble with God. Truly, we all will be. But I believe in Jesus Christ. I’m a Christian. And so…I have to happily admit my sin to Christ. And try not to sin! You see…that’s what’s called Christianity.” says Tsar Vladimir Putin.

“Oh yes. Okay.” says the Illuminati.

“So…there’s not a problem. As long as you aren’t forcing me to do things that have eternal consequences for me. And I don’t NEED to sell children into slavery. I DO NOT NEED TO. …I’m not in debt to China. Not really.

So I have no NEED. I’m not a ruler of a poor country. Russia has finances we attend to. But I’m a very, very, very wealthy man. And I’m a stable long-term leader. I love my country. And my country loves me.” says Tsar Putin.

Later.

“So in order to win in this argument with Lacey…we’d have to manifest oil from cement.” says Erin. “And make Jena Bush more genuinely Old Money like Matt and Lacey. She’s Old Money but she’s not Old Money like them.

Ahh…then how do we win? What’s that!?”

There Will Be Blood by Jonny Greenwood plays.

Lacey looks around a parking lot. Feels it vibrating. Very, very slightly.

“AHHH!!!!” screams Lacey. She feels like she’s being dangled over a cliff. Her feet tingle. And she feels as though she’s being beaten up by sadistic madmen. …It will take years for her to escape. But she will, and when she dies she will assert authority over Scotland…yet again. Or is it England? Wherever it is…she’s dangling off of something somewhere.

“That’s NOT REAL!!!” screams the Illuminati. “She’s gotta be poor.”

Lacey, as per usual, winces and moves on.

“THEN WHAT IS IT!?” screams the Illuminati.

She calms herself. Tries to refocus. Reassess. There are other angles. Even if she’s sensing something real.

“No! All I’m getting is me being dangled over a something. Off of a tower? Sorry.” says Lacey.

Proven Lands by Jonny Greenwood plays.

“Let’s talk about the invasion of Russia!” says Tsar Putin.

“LETS!” says Lacey.

“We have it all organized!” says the US.

“OH HOW!?” says Putin.

“We do sexy act!” says the US. “TO SAVE SEX…WE HAVE SEX!!”

“What if we don’t find your idea of sex accurate?” says the country club.

“Then FUCK YOU!” half jokes the Illuminati. “We HAVE MONEY!!!”

“No…not really.” says Putin.

One Week by Barenaked Ladies plays.

“WE WILL SAVE SEX!” yells the Illuminati. “MY HOUSE IS BIGGER THAN A PEASANT COUNTRY CLUB!” yells an Illuminati woman who has decided to take off her clothes. And run naked all around her huge house. To welcome JFK into her home.

“The veil is thin!” says an Illuminati witch.

She yells, high on meth, racing through her huge house. Naked.

“I hope she doesn’t trip and kill herself.” says Lacey.

“No. She does stuff like this.” says her friend.

“WELCOME JACK!!” yells the woman. “WE WELCOME YOU, LOVER!!!”

He stares at her like she’s crazy.

“JACK, DARLING…I’M HAVING AN ORGASM…COME PENETRATE ME QUICK!!!” she yells, turning down from room to another.

“Who the fuck is this bish?” says JFK, grumpy, to a demon.

The demon explains.

He shakes his head no. He’s not interested.

“I am going to-I am going to probably have to find some way to explain why, but I want to join that woman. I want to join her.” says JP Kennedy.

“You can’t. She’s not asking for you.” says an angel.

“Can I fuck her?” asks JP Kennedy.

“NO!” says an angel.

“PLEASE!??!?” he says, pathetically.

“Nope.” says an angel.

“WHY NOT!?!” screams JP.

“Because she’s not trying to sleep with you.” says the angel.

“THEN CLAW MY EYES OUT. Because I’m desperate.” says JP.

“She’s not that pretty.” says a dead woman to JP.

“No. But I’m a sex addict in recovery. And…I’m a loose cannon. Okay? I fuck any woman. Who’s remotely interested. I’m DESPERATE.” says JP.

“But she’s not interested.” says the angel again.

“KILL ME!!!” he screams. “KILL ME NOW!!”

“JP you’re dead.” says an angel.

“I’m NOT DEAD ENOUGH!” he screams.