“Sex To Save Sex” by Lem

Putin quickly fucks Lacey. Without her approval. And yet it’s not rape.

“I understand.” says Lem. “You truly had no way to resist. Truly. He was quick.”

A few American men race by Lacey and head for imaginary children.

Imaginary children made of dolls. These are the nice Republican men. Mostly Boomers. White. Affable men. They reason that as they’re not real children it’s far less evil. It still has the same psychic effect but without harming a real child. The dolls are kept in a closet in a huge mansion in the Hamptons. They don’t seem to be possessed. Seemingly.

After they finish the real evil people molest children. Lacey isn’t allowed to be in the room with them. But she has requested they be given a week off, left alone, given the gospel message, and then shot. Far worse things would happen if the Illuminati didn’t do that.

But that’s the best her and Putin can currently do. He could drop a nuclear bomb on the event. He really could but he’s calculated that that’s a bad idea. He’s always mildly considering that though, in the back of his mind.

The children are told the day’s work is over. As requested by Lacey for their mental health. And then they’re told that they have a week to relax. Alone. No work. No people. Just video games, good food, normal rest alone in their own bed, safe television shows, safe music, coloring books, texting each other safely. Seeing each other safely. NO WORK. NO SEXUAL ACTIVITY. Just…chillin’. And of course they’ll receive the full gospel message. Muslims begrudgingly agreed to that trusting that Allah would be smart enough to handle it.

The dolls return. And the evil people hold the dolls as a substitute. JD Vance looks confused.

“Why aren’t we fucking the kids still!? This is fucking shit!” he says.

“That’s not what we’re doing at this time sweetie. Right now we’ve decided to give them a break.” says Usha.

“I don’t like it! This ain’t what I signed up for! Fuck this shit! This ain’t what I signed up for.” says JD Vance.

“Then whatever was of Christ that He can maintain that was put in place will continue. He will use our good intentions through His son’s blood for His glory. Everything after this, I wish to totally wash my hands of.” says Tsar Putin.

“See…I just don’t think you guys know what you’re doing!!!” yells Casi. She panics. “PLEASE STOP!!!” she screams.

“ Lucy is a low class trashy little hike. My wife is a genius litigator from Yale mic drop enough said except I will add that her net worth at the moment due to our attack is under $400,000 trajectory wise she’s worth about 2.5 million but at the moment they only have under $400,000 as their net worth the billions in oil that she legally has from her mothers family is not relevant to this conversation because that’s not how many works not about future predictions and possibilities it’s about the current moment and what’s going on right now which is why my current net worth and Chris Hayes is current net worth current net worth of all the billionaires in the United States, is what matters all of the other that is just it’s all the other future stuff is just predictions. Those are predictions. Those are predictions. The current moment is what is put important in at the current moment we learned that predictions are not safe in the stock market crash of 1929 and the end the recession of the 2000 hundreds, what is going on in the current moment is what’s valid and taking seriously the future to trajectory predictions of the future are not valid because that’s only imaginary see you have to understand the difference between imaginary and present in the moment. The stock market is a concept based on math and science, but it is all imaginary as we learned in the stock market crash of 1929 and you can’t base things off of the imaginary math and science do not account for the current physical reality. They are simply ways of us understanding the current physical reality, the current physical reality exists on its own and I say that as a genius atheist there’s also secret Christian uh-huh you say but where does that start to make sense it just it I am an expert debater CNN told you so and now you believe what I want you to how did I do that science math but what is reality, what I just said or some thing else is what I just said I sold it for you because I’m kind and a case of there any children in the room I’d like to fuck them they’re not my kids I don’t give a fuck about them. That’s what I decided when I became a Republican if they eat my kids they eat my problem, I don’t give a shit because I’m a hardnose businessman who is very smart and I don’t have to give a shit because I’m a millionaire I’m a multi millionaire and that is current reality. Don’t try to tell me that the US dollar isn’t important and doesn’t have anything to it. I look at this dollar and it means something it’s a symbol of something what it is this dollar is worth a dollar but it’s science that ain’t math that’s just common sense, I don’t really like pedophilia and it’s evil and wrong and I’m a Christian but I was raped and molested by my mother and my grandmother who I lied about in my book. I exaggerated their drug problems someone’s making me say because they were perverted fuck whites, ha ha and now I am 12. What happened to me? You might ask money bail Moock they got in my head and made me a pedophile how I don’t know science doesn’t know C and that’s where you have to rely on common sense, and Jesus did Donald Trump know that he was getting his hands full when he asked me to be his vice president. No he did not, but now he’s in for a real run for his money because I am the candidate from hell why am I the candidate from hell because I am a challenge I am a challenge from the middle class to Donald Trump. Can you work with our eccentricity, can you work with my beautiful, elegant brilliant wife, who is incredibly complicated just like me yuppie upper middle-class, normal people who have an incredible amount of wealth and genius at their disposal people like me genius, wealthy Americans, who went to Yale in their imagination I actually did because I’m better than them they just made me say that yes I am better than you. You should probably just get over it because if you don’t then I’m gonna be really fucking pissed off. Why would I be pissed off because I start wondering if I was it and I don’t want to get into an argument with someone about the fact that I’m better than them where do they go to school the university of Chicago? Where did they go to school case western reserve that ain’t Yale I went to Yale bitch read it and weep you fucking losers and so did my wife double whammy.

So apparently, I am learning that the children have all been taken. I don’t like fucking the dolls because they’re not real. I’m sorry don’t tell me I don’t have an imagination I’m smarter than you I went to Yale.

No well you should tries to clean up my acts because I’m a sex God and she worships me in the bedroom. If you know what I mean, I will know take a doll and pretend like it’s my child. No I won’t OK you say I will take this doll and pretend like I mean what the fuck am I supposed to do with this fucking doll OK just take the fucking doll I don’t give a fuck.

All right fine be that way shit people are such a fucking losers. They do this they have sex with children and then people like me who are so much better feel like get into the whole thing because I have that in my head that I don’t know what the hell I’m supposed to do it’s like oh it’s OK JD you’re one of us you’re excepted here you’re a normal just be yourself if you don’t will kill you and so then you start doing whatever the fuck they say, I know I mean it’s like they won’t really kill you because they’re your friends and that’s just some thing they have to technically say but I mean you just have to say or do whatever comes naturally to you and that’s part of it frustrates us about Lacey is that she keeps insisting that she’s whoever the fuck this woman is she was Scotia and I know there’s no fucking way that she’s superior to my wife. I know there’s no fucking way there ain’t no fucking way. She’s superior to me or my wife there ain’t no fucking way.

So you should just understand I don’t understand we went to Yale and the Kennedys agree with us and so basically now I just have to fuck a doll because that bitch thinks that pedophilia is Pierre evil because she’s an odd intellectual, pseudo-intellectual jackass. She doesn’t understand people can be cannibals and that’s OK. People can be murderers and rapists and that’s OK because there is no morality. There is no God or if there is he’s half evil, kind of like a black and white cookie. It’s very simple except it’s also more complicated than that but she’s too stupid to expect but she’s too stupid to understand that so all that I’m saying is just all that I am saying is just that it ain’t that simple patch think that simple sorry stupid I win you lose.

If I if I if I could have my druthers, I would just I would just be a terrible child molester a serial child molester, but that but that’s not where we are right now. Oh no because Putin says it’s wrong and I guess the Iranians decided to agree with him for some stupid fucked up reason.

No I don’t. I mean geography is not a thing. OK it’s just not really a thing because it’s just like a landmass in a bunch of border issues that’s all that it is. It’s just a landmass and a bunch of border issues, so really, it’s not that big of a deal I don’t understand why I don’t understand why that’s the thing you know it’s like oh that’s countries on the border of my country. I have to give a shit.

Yes, I went to Ohio State and Yola school.

I am so what’s going on it’s very simple. Basically Lacey is a jack ass. I mean all I was just trying to do is just have normal sex with a child.

All I was trying to do is just molest somebody I guess she would say but now she’s not gonna allow that and Putin‘s not gonna allow that and Iran’s not gonna allow that and it’s like my needs don’t matter.

So I don’t really know what to say, except for the fact that I’m not really angry and horny, but I don’t get horny. I just get angry because I’m an elite God.” says JD Vance. 

“ are you on cocaine?” says the CIA.

“ yes.” says JD Vance.

“ OK well thank you JD Vance for sharing your thoughts on this Sunday. I am curious have you gone to mass today or or what?” says the Pope.

“ I went to mass earlier today so now I’m going to send again how I have my mother had a heroin addiction and I’m not that stupid you know I’m a survivor send it to elite them so I am I am I am not a heroin addict son, and incredibly sophisticated man and I am intellectual elite and a powerhouse of grander and self I a IKEA I guess basically I just sort of a I just wanted to have fun today and I’m just pissed off that’s all.” says JD Vance.

“ OK so you’re back on this you’re back out you’re off the wagon again with sin?” says the CIA.

“ yes yeah I fell off the wagon about 12 and I started drinking too much today and then ice started some cocaine about an hour ago and I guess I was about ready to do some thing that may or may not be allowed I mean is release is a pseudo-intellectual bitch because she doesn’t understand that cannibalism is perfectly fine just like pedophilia there’s no difference and I don’t think that there’s a problem with people wanting to eat someone else’s body I mean it’s like in the movie the shining you know it’s just that was a revelation to me when I watch that it’s like duh of course there’s nothing wrong with capitalism of course as long as it’s done within proper bounds and with proper expectations. It’s not about being proper. It’s not about being British and stupid like Lacey imagine she is, it’s just about basically you know staying in your own lane so if I wanted to eat somebody like her which I wouldn’t because I’m sure she taste like fucking shit I don’t like rich foods or if I do I know she taste like shit anyway, so no I mean I would probably just go for a hamburger I probably Usha. I’ll probably cook Usha and eat her but but don’t tell her that you know I would probably just eat Usha and cooker cooker up and then just slicer up and cook her cause she’s sexy and I love her but if she tastes really good to bet, she tastes really good too. I’m sure I am sure that she taste pretty freaking good no I don’t see anything wrong with that put someone cook me I like to see you try I like to see someone try I’d like to see someone try to cook me and Chris or anyone else I mean I don’t think it’s possible because I’m a God I am a God amongst men thank you very much Allah Buddha Jesus Muhammad Baba good needed I can I can’t think of all the gods my wife worships thank you. Holy creator of heaven and earth. Thank you mother mother, goose thank you my imaginary friend. I am proud. I am proud today to be an American! Booyah!” says JD Vance.

“ OK well that did not go as planned.” says a New Money billionaire.

“Booyah!” yells JD Vance.

“ oh OK would you like us to play watermelon sugar for you JD or are you OK?” says the Illuminati.

“ i’d like to I like Mozart played because Lacey says that Mozart makes her feel better and I know she’s a lying bitch Mozart is my music because I’m richer than she is. It’s about what matters now it’s not about trajectories and Pedegree and social class. that’s just a bunch of bullshit. She pulled out of her ass because she’s a fucking little nitwit from the old era!” says JD Vance.

“ what are some people say that we changed everything in my family and that we brought about a new generation of freethinkers who believe in common sense instead of our old archaic ideas about social class.” says Bobby Kennedy Junior.

“ I mean you’re right it’s not about what’s actually in front of you and that way it’s about the understanding the bigger picture and the complicated nature of stuff so Innoway with money it’s what you have but then with ideas you think about the bigger picture and that’s where you find the truth because you have to look at it from a metal level. You can’t look at it on the ground. It’s like poor Bobby I’m a war genius so if you look at it from a bigger picture a metal level, you see a lot but then when you look really close it just disappears and that’s why I don’t have a problem with social class because I don’t have a problem with things being complicated. You know it’s just anxious weirdos like Lacey who do people who are constantly struggling to breathe like that useless little bitch. I mean I know her. She reminds me of my mom. She’s exactly like my mother she’s exactly like my mother she’s exactly like my mother she’s exactly like my mother! She is my mother. She is my mother. She is my mother. Choose my mother. She is my mother. She is my mother. She is my mother. She is my mother. She is my mother. She is my mother. She is my mother. She is my mother mother!” he says, as he’s carried off.

The Olympic Spirit by John Williams plays.

Kamala Harris walks up to the alter and smiles as she’s given a torch. She shakes hands with Caroline Kennedy.

1:05

“LET THE GAMES BEGIN!!” yells JD Vance.

The music plays.

A group of dancers flow in. They are wearing Giorgio Armani designed white silk dresses.

Later.

“After discussing it with Chris we discovered that Diego was confused by how brash Lacey was about her family’s wealth. And his friend Matt…told him…that he suspected Lacey was using Charismatic Christianity to seem rich. Like…Christian witchcraft. …Chris on Diego’s behalf is still looking for how she’s poor. But he feels she is. Just like the country club set in the next post. They have a very firmly held belief that Old Money isn’t real unless it’s always in the billions. You can’t loose the money. Or it’s not real. So to them New Money is Old Money. …So

And his place on television and such…is kinda like being a billionaire. Just without the money. So…

He says he’s more important than Vladimir Putin. Because he’s more Old Money in reality than Putin.” reads off a scribe for the Illuminati.

Unconditionally by Katy Perry plays as Chris Hayes wearing a black glitter thong twerks. He believes he’s seducing Matt Nesheim. A light focuses on his glittering underpants.

“We analyzed the Nesheims and we believe Matt…is looking for unconditional love. We believe that is the cry of his heart.” explains a scribe.

The song ends. Restarts. Chris tries to fuck Matt. As he has an erection.

“I think I can feel him!” says Chris.

“Oh my God. You so do!” says Usha breaking into dance. “LOVE WINS!”

The Illuminati sincerely believing he’s FINALLY proven Lem was gay…that Lacey was lying about social class and her family’s wealth…and she is ugly…and that Usha and Kamala are prettier than Lacey…and that Lem was crazy about Bobby Kennedy Junior who is AMAZINGLY SEXY…and that Putin is ugly and poor…and Russia is just stupid…and corny music and shallow analysis is the common man’s way forward…and the future is bright and extremely happy…and Trump was stupid before JD Vance saved him from his annoyingness…and Lacey is HORRIBLE…and Erin is A GODDESS!

She is carried out like a Queen in a stupid ass dress…smiling and waving like a homecoming queen…on a chair. The light focuses on her.

“I’m a dark horse.” she says.

She gets off her chair. Lip synchs. A group of huge screens emerge from the ceiling. With shots of her face. The sound system is great.

It’s not a stadium. It’s a huge building.

This Is How We Do plays.

Erin lip synchs this song too. Throws fake gang signs.

They cheer her on.

She lands on Chris Hayes’s lap at 1:22.

She twerks in his face. But as she’s drunk in high heels she falls forward. Accidentally.

She’s helped up.

2:17 she’s back lip syncing.

The song ends.

Toxic by Britney Spears plays.

She strips. Her boobs are on the screen. She grins believing she’s won. EVERY…FUCKING…WAR…EVER. With her boobs.

JFK tries to manifest to compete with her. Some people can see him. He seems narcissistically offended even though she’s mildly hideous. But it’s so mild…many consider her AMAZING. And she has the perfect size boobs according to common analysis so men consider her to be perfect whether she is or not. JFK feels very threatened. But nobody seems to notice. He darts in and out of the center arena.

The Olympic Spirit plays again. And everyone claps.

A dead Nazi who had good intentions manifests and watches. In shock and horror.

Everyone disrobes. And joins Erin.

All by the end of the song.

My Trigger plays.

JFK may have broken parole to appear from the distant future. Or he may have found a way from the 1930’s. Reasoning that as it’s not attacking Lacey it’s acceptable. He’s dancing around skinny and wearing his own black glitter thong with a hat tied to his head. But nobody seems to notice him as they’re all having bad sex. It’s impossible to have good sex on command. Not actual good sex. And that’s something Stanley Kubrick may or may not have understood. And today people seem to think it’s easy to manifest instantly.

Jack doesn’t seem concerned. He’s just dancing. Working his scene, however imaginary it actually is.

They all try (desperately) to finish. All adults. Why? Because the pedophiles decided to save their own asses. And side with Putin. Even though the Illuminati wanted the whole thing to be done in unison. To make Putin capitulate. But he refused, Zelensky told everyone to “Fuck off.” and so it became a split event. The beginning was supposed to be thee event. But they tricked him. And as Zelensky didn’t want him…he just took off. With the Republicans and some Democrats…and ironically the child slavery crew. The majority of Democrats, a handful of Republicans, and several others remained, including Zelensky (representing Ukraine) and Donald Trump and JD Vance with Usha.

Island In The Sun by Weezer plays.

Followed by Plastic Jungle plays.

JD shoots imaginary heroin in his veins. It’s unclear why. It’s literally just an empty syringe. Then several other people follow his lead.

3:15

The song ends and everything goes black.

They all clap, laugh and walk off. Some looking more proud of themselves than others.

“Woohoo!!” shouts one woman who reminds me of Cheryl Hines. “WE DID IT!!”

“DAMN!” says another woman in an annoying slightly nasal voice.

They all start chatting and giving each other high fives. Then they walk off. Jack seems to have disappeared.

Burial by Miike Snow plays on Lacey’s Pandora. At Lem’s request. As a wink. Thank God.

“What’s TAKING SO LONG!??” says Lacey to God.

“If I killed you and turned you into a snake would you slither into a room and bite someone and kill them?” asks Jesus of Lacey.

“Would you let me die again and return into myself?” asks Lacey. “Right after biting them?”

“Yes.” he says.

“I’d RELISH IT!” says Lacey. “If I could do it effectively.”

“What if I turned you into a lion?” he asks.

“If I could figure it out…I would.” says Lacey. “If I could die right after and return to myself.”

“What about a monkey?” he says, laughing.

“OF COURSE. But I’d have to know what I’m doing.” says Lacey.

“Did I accidentally end of the world before ending it? Are we actually not even in real time anymore?” asks Satan.

Hush by The Marias plays.

Lacey takes the stage. As everyone is gone. And she’s like that. She programs Hush.

She dances sexy and does “a dance.” And if she’s Scotia it’s actually Ancient Egyptian telekinesis. Nobody seems to notice. She wields a spiritual battle. Possibly with aliens. Possibly with the dead. It’s unclear. But she wins. She memorized the song the first time she heard it. In a sense.

Then she walks off stage mimicking whatever it was the Kennedys were only pretending to do. Except she might be actually doing it.

“Is it anarchy?” asks Joe Kennedy Junior of Jesus.

God smiles.

“NO. It’s Tsar Putin.” says Lacey. “And the return of the Holy Roman Empire through Mother Russia.”