Since the last post Lacey has been violently accused of being Jack Kennedy reincarnated multiple times. Bobby claimed her nose was literally his metaphysical nose…and they’ve outed themselves as “cool-kid” postmodernists with no idea what Postmodernism even is. They scolded her for being unkind. Admired her tastes in mulled wine. Paid her daughter sexual compliments. And then discovered that King George may be haunting her daughter as her real lover waiting for her on the other side if there’s reincarnation. And no, he will not inhabit anything or anyone.
They loved Betty White. They loved Dolly Parton. But they can’t figure out what Lacey’s comedy is about. And SNL feminists find her humor egotistically offensive to their narcissistic egos.
Are you reading all of this? You poor thing. This blog goes on…and on…and on. But that’s the story. That’s my cover if I actually found the real Illuminati…to keep them from suing me…and my humor…and biting criticism of our current era if there is no real Illuminati.
Why do leave things unedited? Because I’m constantly being attacked. It’s been getting worse since Queen Elizabeth II died. And…it especially heats up around international events. Like the current US Presidential election. Why do I think they do it? Because they’re SCARED. Scared of God. Scared of me. Scared of themselves. Scared of reality.
And they have great reasons to be scared. But telling them that doesn’t help them process through things but rather makes them attack you more. They are evil peasants. Angry, backward, and without a meaning. Except…they do…kind of care? And they were shouted over and disregarded and silenced as children at the hands of vain, arrogant, and/or possibly stupid adults. They were taught not to take themselves seriously. They were raised to be quack atheists. They were raised to be idiotic materialists. They were raised to be NOTHING.
And so…even if they could be better…they painfully struggle to take themselves at all seriously to such a high degree that deep thought…is…AGONY.
September by Sparky Deathcap plays.
“Yeah. We fall in love. I guess. But it’s always…cool.” says Tina Fey.
“ALWAYS!?” says Lacey, in despair.
“Yup.” says Putin.
“You’re ZOMBIES!” says Lacey.
Later.
“So this point of this blog is simply to arrange a meet & greet with the public?” says Amy Poehler.
“YES! …It seems so!” says Lacey. “I wasn’t entirely sure before. And I’m still…curious. But…it seems…I’ve mostly just arranged a meet and greet. Very, very informal. Very…chill. But…I mean…people who want to attack you all could. Organized peasants? But…I’m actually very disappointed in them.”
“Did you think you were leading a peasant uprising?” asks God.
“I had hopes. …I did. …They all seem so adamant. So…fascinated. But…I feel like…they’re mostly just…waiting for nothing. …If I die and find out otherwise I’ll organize them. But they mostly seem…vain and pretentiously concerned for their own welfare.” says Lacey. “Maybe they care more. And I do plan to end the world when I die. But…they’re…so damn weak.”
“Yeah. They’re quiet.” says a psychopath in the Illuminati.
“I hear them! But I can’t tell if they give a damn or not!” says Lacey.
“Does that hurt?” asks the psychopath.
“Maybe slightly.” says Lacey.
“Does that make you angry?” asks God.
“What are they doing!??” says Lacey. “Are they organizing!?”
“No!” says Jonah.
“Alright. Then what are they DOING!?!” says Lacey.
“Ahh…waiting for me to invade.” says Tsar Putin.
“But I doubt you ever will!” says Lacey.
“It’s actually really hard to invade us.” says a U.S. military official.
“It can’t be that hard!!!” says Lacey. “I’m sorry. I’m bored!! It’s EASY!!”
“She actually may have helped plan 9/11 accidentally at age 14…psychically so…be careful.” warns Hamas.
“Yup!! It’s super easy.
You’d BE SURPRISED!” says Lacey.
“Are you restraining yourself huh from discussing it!?” asks a military man.
“YES!! It’s hard. But I’m doing my best.” says Lacey.
“Did Casi and Alisha lie to you?” asks a US military official.
“YES!” says Lacey.
“About what?!” says Helena.
“I was told by Elsie Hill last night that they hooked up together.” says Lacey.
“You didn’t expect that?” says a gay man.
“I didn’t.” says Lacey.
“Yeah.” he says.
“They seemed…so…reticent.” says Lacey.
“I know what you mean.” he says.
“I mean…isn’t that VERBOTEN!?” says Lacey.
“That’s genuinely changing!” says Queen Elizabeth I.
“No it isn’t!” says Lacey.
They think.
“So you were shocked?” says a man.
“Yes! …They lied!” says Lacey.
“What did they ‘tell’ you?” asks a psychic.
“That Casi was…scared. Far too scared to do much of anything. Ever. With any woman. …And that Alisha was…EXTREMELY STRAIGHT. SO grossed out by lesbians thee she found ME appalling. …I’m straight. But…I respect certain aspects of lesbian subculture. Just as a woman. Just as a human. And I felt…misunderstood by Alisha. …Most bisexual and lesbian women aren’t offended by me. We just…co-exist. Peacefully. I worry they’re going to Hell or really more whatnot. And they worry I’m…somehow a victim. But they usually know I’m straight. And respect that. …Lem could easily have had lesbian friends. …We like natural beauty. …But no…Alisha was so superior. SO FASTIDIOUS!” says Lacey. “I felt entirely sloppy and…lazy. Very ashamed. But…come to find out…she’s BISEXUAL!?!?”
“Would you like to cry about it?” asks a woman.
“Yes. But…that’s never done me any good.” says Lacey. “I have no ability to cry about it at all.”
“Do you feel like she stole your perfume?” asks a man.
“THE KENNEDYS ARE THE MOST VILE HUMANS TO EVER EXIST!!” says Jesus Christ.
“YES. Somewhat.” says Lacey.
“Which notes?” he says.
“Violet. Gardenia. Possibly tobacco and incense?” says Lacey.
“And you love vanilla?” says the man.
“Yes!” says Lacey. “But she preaches so adamantly against it.”
“So…she just shared a lot. Do you care!?” says a reader.
“YEAH.” they say.
“Then why aren’t you saying anything!?” says the reader.
“Because I guess I don’t give a fuck. I’m better than Lacey. I would never make that mistake!” says a Real Housewife.
“That’s RETARDED!” says the reader.
“Alisha’s just a bitch!” says a woman.
“Ahh…you all love to say that.” says Lacey. “You’re really just telling me to go jump off a cliff though.”
A Republican responds to Lacey, “YOU’RE RIGHT!”
“SHIT!” says an Old Money white Republican woman to Lacey.
“Well…I mean…what do I do??” says Lacey.
“To help her?” asks a Democrat.
Amy Poehler laughs.
“YES. To be honest I want to fix her.” says Lacey. “I’m not sure how else to relate to her at all.”
“You can just enjoy her!” says Chris.
“YIKES! Think again. I hated and loved her aesthetic both.” says Lacey.
“She HATED you.” says Alisha, herself.
“WHY!? Psychosis!?” shouts Lem.
“Oh hey there. Sexy!” says Alisha sincerely to Lem.
“OH DEAR GOD! GO AWAY YOU UGLY HORNY TOAD!” says Lem to Alisha.
“You want to fuck me!?” she says.
“NO!!!” says Lem. “I’d like to punch you in your bitchy smug face. Literally.”
“So! Why did she hate me?” asks Lacey.
“What is your aesthetic?” asks God.
“WAR and Chantilly.” says Lacey to GOD.
Alisha blinks. “So you hate me?”
“No! I hate who you choose to be.” says Lacey. “You choose to be cold, indifferent and vulgar.”
“Should I go take mom home?” says Anderson Cooper.
“I think if you actually had Lem and her kids…you could escort them out forever and you’d have no complaints.” says a woman in Manhattan.
“So! Why did she hate me!?” says Lacey.
“Why do you want to know?!?” asks the FBI.
“OH DEAR GOD!!!! WHY WOULDN’T I!!?? …GET A GRIP!!!” yells Lacey.
“Because you’re cold.” says Alisha.
Lacey blinks. “Is Casi cold?”
“No.” says Alisha.
“Oh! And you liked that!? You want a hoe to kiss your high and mighty ass? Not a platonic friend who says hello and minds their own business?” says Lacey.
“I think she does!!!” says Jonah. “I think we like real hoes.”
“But then what’s wrong with platonic relationships!!? Can’t you politely converse?” says Lacey.
“No!” says Bill Rhea.
“WHY??” says Lacey.
“Because we want sex!” says Bill Rhea.
“And you’ll shoot me if you don’t get it you peasant scammer?” says Lacey to Bill Rhea.
“I could talk with you!” jokes a Boomer to Lacey.
“No. You can’t. You white crumbly shit.” says Lacey.
“So! War!” says a military officer in the US to Lacey.
“Yes!” says Lacey.
He laughs. “Where would you attack?”
“Ahh…yummy!” says Lacey, gleefully. “Oh yum!” she says, thoroughly enjoying herself. She thinks. “Honestly…Texas?”
“Yah.” says Putin.
“You could sneak in.” says Lacey.
“WHERE?” asks the US military commander.
“ALMOST ANYWHERE.” says Lacey.
“Where else?” he says.
“HOLD ON!??” says a Native American woman. “Why don’t you ask for more information?”
“Because we don’t believe her.” says Chris Hayes.
The Native American woman cries.
“Oh! Who’s going to do it anyway!!?” says Lacey.
“US!!!!” say aliens.
“OH! You see it too!??” says Lacey, excitedly.
They nod at her.
“Oh goodness! You’re going at it wrong. You can’t zoom in that much.” says Lacey.
“WHERE!?” they say, smiling.
“THE BAYS!?” says Lacey. “YUP!
Oh!! You’ve already done it!?”
They laugh. “Sometimes.”
“Oh. I’m sorry. I didn’t know.” says Lacey.
They smile, shake their heads knowingly and Lacey finally cries.
She thinks.
“So! Why Alisha!?” says John Lithgow.
“Oh! You get me.” says Lacey. “Mmm…she’s perfectly idiotic.”
“Wow. You’re being honest.” says John Lithgow.
“Why not?” says Lacey.
“So you knew there was something wrong with her…but you didn’t know what?” says John.
“YES.” says Lacey with some sadness.
“And you just couldn’t figure it out!” says John.
“YAH!” says Lacey. “She seemed…uneasy.”
“You were cold apparently.” says John.
Lacey thinks. “I couldn’t trust her! I’m like that to everyone!” says Lacey. “I feel physically repulsed by how perversely friendly everyone always is.”
He takes a deep breath. “WHY!?”
“Well…being a victim of sexual abuse…it’s triggering. But also…I can’t be that…relaxed. People aren’t that safe. Not anymore. If they ever were.” says Lacey.
“Do you feel relaxed with us?” asks John.
“More than most people. But…not quite.” says Lacey. “Please don’t take that the wrong way!”
“Yeah. You’re just upper class Old Money.” he says.
“Yah!! …I’m never going to give people the narcissistic pay-off they want.” says Lacey.
“Shoot.” says John.
“Yeah. …I almost feel bad for some people.” says Lacey.
They think.
“What does that mean?” asks John.
“What exactly!?” says Lacey.
“Dear GOD when are the Americans going to stop asking you to lighten-up!?” he says.
“YEAH!! …Do you think I’m reincarnated?” asks Lacey. “I sincerely worry I am.”
“I do…too.” he says.
“I mean…it’s possible it’s not in the Bible. And obviously to me that matters. …But what IF IT IS!?!? THEN I’M IN SO MUCH PAIN! And this is…MADNESS!!” says Lacey.
He laughs and nods. “Could it be anything else?” he says.
“Yes! But it seems so perfect to think that’s it. …And that’s actually very scary. Because I don’t take my Christianity lightly. …It’s…serious trouble!” says Lacey.
“Could it be there!?” he says.
“COULD IT!?” says Lacey. “I CANNOT TELL!!!”
He thinks.
“YAH! It’s a very important thing!! And it has to be held to the highest standards. SINCERELY.” says Lacey.
“It’s hard to tell.” he says.
“YES! It’s EXCRUCIATINGLY HARD TO TELL!” says Lacey.
“You sound like you’re in intellectual anguish.” says a Messiah College graduate who majored in philosophy.
“YES!!! It’s thrilling…but also…DEADLY.” says Lacey.
John Lithgow laughs.
“You should be more concerned. It’s genuinely very serious.” says Lacey to John.
“She’s right. From a Catholic perspective it’s very serious.” says Bill Rhea.
“It is.” says Lacey.
“IT’S A HUGE NARCISSIST INSULT FROM CRAZY UGLY RAPISTS…TO INSIST LACEY IS EVEN POSSIBLY JFK at all. Ever. Has ever been. SHE IS NOT JACK KENNEDY AND I WAS NEVER HOMOSEXUAL AT ALL!!!!” bellows Lem for the record.
Later.
“I believe him.” says John Lithgow from the other side.
“Oh dear. Can you fill me in?” says Lacey. “Is there reincarnation?”
He laughs.
“Are you ever going to tell anyone but your kids about your necklace from him?” and John Lithgow.
“No!” says Lem.
“I can’t…necessarily.” says Lacey.
“Yeah!” says John.
John the Baptist laughs.
“Lacey…why don’t you go save all the children being molested??” screams a reader.
“Because I can’t!” says Lacey. “I wish I could. But as it stands right now…I’m struggling to survive.”
“What are they doing to suffocate her?” asks Alisha.
“We use demons. It’s pretty simple.” says the Illuminati.
“HOW!??” says Alisha.
“You conjure them. Do them favors. They do favors for you. Stuff like that.” says the Illuminati.
“Where are all the diamond moms?” says Lacey.
“I AGREE!!!” yells Queen Elizabeth I.
“Are they all dead!? Or locked in a closet?” says Lacey.
John Lithgow laughs.
Lacey smiles.
“Where are they??” says Lacey.
“THEY DO NOT…EXIST.” says Elsie’s grandson.
Lacey thinks. “Then who’s buying the diamonds?”
He feels stupid. Thinks.
“Nobody wears a diamond anymore.” says Lacey.
He makes a weird face. Thinks.
“I just…feel so damn visible wearing a diamond. And-“ says Lacey.
“I HEAR YOU!!!!” yells Casi.
“Why are they doing this to us!?” shrieks Lacey in torture to Casi.
Casi stares at her.
Lacey waits.
“I think they’re jealous.” says Casi.
“Why did you sleep with Alisha? I’m not jealous. I’m not into you. And I’m not attracted to women. …I just don’t get it.” says Lacey.
Casi smirks. Thinks.
“I found her attractive.” says Casi.
“WHY!?” says Lacey.
“OUCH!” says Casi.
“THAT IS NOT NICE!” says Chris, Casi’s husband. “LACEY!”
Lacey thinks.
“She’s just so…grumpy.” says Lacey.
Casi laughs. Thinks. “I did not think so!” says Casi.
“So she was actually nice to you?” says Lacey.
Casi smirks. “Girl…I can get them to be nice!”
“HOW!?” says Lacey.
Casi smirks. “I’m good in bed. Whatever. And…a lot of them are so…needy.” says Casi.
“Don’t get drained!?” says Lacey.
Casi sighs. “Look…I married Chris, alright. So…I’m not an expert. Obviously. …But…if it’s allowed in Heaven…I’m okay with meeting their needs. Temporarily.”
“Could you ever stand to marry one?” says Lacey. “If it was allowed.”
Casi cracks-up laughing. Thinks. Thinks some more. “NO!” admits Casi.
“See…in Great Britain those women don’t exist. Not that much. So…I can’t quite figure them out.” says Lacey.
“Would you ever be a lesbian?” asks Casi.
Lacey thinks. “No. Although deep lesbians do exist. And even tempered ones too.” says Lacey.
“I just never found one.” says Casi.
“Yah.
If it’s even allowed in Heaven.
Anyway…I was hurt by her. But it’s nice she maybe actually got along with you.” says Lacey.
“Lacey do we fascinate you? …Like how we get along with everyone?” asks a lesbian.
“YES!!
Those women HATE me. They HATE ME.
And I can never figure out why.” says Lacey. “I’m just…amused to see them…go down like Titanic for you all.”
A lesbian laughs.
“No! Seriously. …I’d expect them to kill you.” says Lacey.
“But they’re bluffing.” says another lesbian.
“They’ve NEVER been bluffing with me! says Lacey.
“Have they sexually assaulted you?” asks a lesbian.
“On occasion. …And I highly doubt many of them do that to you?” says Lacey.
“Yes.” says a lesbian.
“So…what gives!?” says Lacey.
“They have a weird dominance obsession with you.” says a lesbian to Lacey.
Lacey thinks. “I feel pure evil from them.” says Lacey.
“Have we betrayed you to them?” asks a lesbian.
“YES!! …I had so many lesbian teachers growing-up who left me for dead with them practically.” says Lacey.
“Did the teachers seem surprised?” asks a lesbian.
“YES! …But was that a trick?” says Lacey.
“Not always!” says another lesbian.
“Then WHAT GIVES!?” says Lacey.
“I think JFK is trying to kill you Lacey.” says one of the lesbians.
“THAT’S NOT FAIR!! …And if he’s that sincere he should just blow me up! …No. He’s brutally torturing me.” says Lacey.
“WHY ARE YOU BETRAYING US!?!” Sinn Fein and the IRA ask Jack Kennedy in regard to Lacey.
“YEAH!!” yells Lacey at the IRA and Sinn Fein.
“I’m RICH!” says JFK. He shrugs. “And Catholic. And dead. And I DON’T CARE!”
“But you can’t kill and torture SCOTLAND, Jack.” says the IRA.
He thinks. Looks narcissistically offended.
Lacey laughs if she’s Scotia. “No. It makes no strategic sense!”
“Yeah. Ahh…you took Lem’s friendship the wrong way.” says Ireland to JFK.
“Why was he ALWAYS AT MY HOUSE!?” says JFK.
“He was hungry? Bored? Come on!” says Ireland.
“BUT I WAS THERE TOO!!” says JFK, smirking, and feeling attracted to Lem.
“DUDE! GROW-UP!!” says Ireland to JFK.
“Lem isn’t Irish! He’s ENGLISH!!” says an Irishman to Jack Kennedy.
“I think Alisha…is nuts.” says a skincare lover from Minnesota.
“Really!?” says Lacey.
“BUT HE LOOKS IRISH!” says JFK.
“He’s possibly CELTIC. In his SOUL. NOT IRISH.” suggests someone.
“Yeah.” says the skincare lover.
“Is she attacking you!?” asks a lesbian.
“I hope not. But I can’t tell.” says Lacey.
“You’re not rich!” yells the skincare lover at Lacey.
“I’m sorry. You have no idea what you’re talking about.” says Lacey to her.
“I have no lineage!? Huh!?” she says in an uppity peasant to Lacey.
“You probably don’t. True!” says Lacey.
“You have money!?” she says to Lacey.
“WHAT’S your PROBLEM!?” yells Matt Nesheim.
“You don’t exist!!!” she says.
Matt looks shocked. “OH MY GOD!! YOU QUACK! DO YOUR RESEARCH!!”
“I can’t.” she says.
“Why-ever not!?” says the CIA.
“Because! She’s right.” says one of her female haters.
“Then go LOOK!!” yells the CIA.
“What if…I find out she’s not lying!?” says one of them.
“Is that seriously how bad off we are??” says a Native American woman.
“I have looked. Her…integrity is…not something I want to accept.” says Marsie.
“Are they accusing you of being a violent lesbian now?” asks a lesbian of Lacey.
“YES.” says Lacey.
“Okay. We have a problem.” says one of Lacey’s female haters.
“I am NOT ONE OF YOU!!!” shrieks Lem at the female haters of Lacey.
They genuinely lose their minds and go batshit crazy at that concept.
“WE FOUND THE RAT!!!” yells a gay man. “Jack LIVES for these women. Whether he understands that or not.”
“I’m not one of them either.” says Helena Bonham Carter referring to Lacey’s female haters.
“Do I!?” asks Vladimir Putin.
“YES!!!!” bellows Lem.
“I don’t want to be!” says Putin.
“GREAT!” says Lem.
My Trigger by Miike Snow plays as Alisha and Jack sit in her bedroom. As teens. In an upper middle class neighborhood. In 1993. Outside of time.
Jack Kennedy lip synchs. Alisha is filing her nails. She pulls out a bright pink Covergirl polish. Jack eats a chocolate bar.
“Oh my god. Luke Perry! says JFK.
“HE IS MY BOYFRIEND!!” says Alisha.
“What is with his HAIR!?” says JFK, scornfully.
“He’s GAY!!” says Alisha.
Jack cracks-up laughing.
“Mmm…you have to look hot at the Prom this year. YOU MUST.” says JFK.
“YEAH. But he’ll be there for Megs anyway. NOT ME.” says Alisha.
Jack looks miffed.
“You…should…give him…HEAD!!” says JFK, mischievously.
Alisha laughs. “She’d probably kill herself.”
Jack lays back and stares up at the ceiling. “I could sleep with her!”
“Yuck. She’s such an icky bitch. She probably has Herpes.” says Alisha.
Jack looks angry.
Alisha fingers through a magazine absentmindedly.
“You should sleep with her!” says JFK, laughing.
Alisha laughs. “I hate life!” she says sadly.
“Yeah. Me too.” says JFK.
“We should sleep together!” says Alisha.
“We have.” says JFK.
“I was drunk!” says Alisha.
“You weren’t aware. But you liked it!” says JFK, suggestively.
“You’re not going to believe this…but I think I found a photo of Mr. Rogers!” says Alisha laughing at his soul. He’s a high school gym teacher. Named Mr. Rogers.
Alisha gives Jack a look at Mr. Roger’s photo.
“OH MY GOOD GOD!” says Jack.
“Yeah. I’d fuck him. But he’s married.” says Alisha.
Jack smiles.
“We should toilet paper his house!” says Alisha.
“We can’t.” says Jack.
“Why!?” says Alisha.
“My dad is coming back from Vietnam this week.” says Jack bragging.
Alisha looks very threatened.
Jack waits.
“So…when are we going to get drunk again?” says Alisha.
“I’m NOT A HORNY SLUT!!” says Jack, laughing lovingly at her.
She looks incredibly vulnerable and depressed.
They sit in silence.
“I need you. But just…not in that way.” says Jack.
“You’re SO POSSESSIVE!” says Alisha. “GEEZ!”
Jack ignores her.
“So! Oreos!?” says Alisha.
Jack nods.
She goes and gets up and gets them and milk.
Jack and her eat Oreos and milk. Then they smoke cigarettes. And dance.
He goes home.
Alisha thinks of him. Kisses his photo.
He thinks of her not…at…ALL.
Back of the Car by Miike Snow plays.
Alisha has no idea.
And if Lem Billings had been attracted to men…he’d have cared. OF COURSE. DUH!!
*Lacey rolls her eyes*
“Can I come over?” Lem would have said if he had been at all gay.
And that next day:
Alisha and Jack would have slept together. And Lem would have been hurt. But Lem wasn’t gay at all and Lem was being manipulated by JFK.
Oh Devil by Electric Guest plays.
“Why the fuck did you fall for those dumbasses? They’re a waste of fucking space for the most fucking part.” says Lacey to Lem.
“I didn’t realize how bad they were.” says Lem.
“Oh I believe you! I just don’t understand why.” says Lacey. “Let me show you what they would do if I was there and I loved to know why you didn’t think of me for even five fucking seconds.” 
…
My Trigger by Miike Snow plays as Alisha and Jack sit in her bedroom. As teens. In an upper middle class neighborhood. In 1993. Outside of time.
Lacey joins them.
They automatically look really pissed-off.
They choose to ignore her and still try to enjoy themselves.
Jack Kennedy lip synchs. Alisha is filing her nails. She pulls out a bright pink Covergirl polish. Jack eats a chocolate bar.
Losing patience with these fuckers Lacey slightly breaks The Fourth Wall. “You have bad bodies. You’re both UGLY AS FUCK. Would you like me to give you both detailed information on why you’d be better off shooting yourselves in the head?” says Lacey.
Alisha stares at her blinking.
Lacey shoots her.
Lacey stands up. Grabs a rope. Shoots him in the foot. Then ties him to a chair. And forces him to tell her all the information he has. The. She reads him his Last Rites before shooting him in the head.
“When do you get it!? THEY ARE SCUM!!” says Lacey to Lem.
“Yeah. They’re both boring. And dumb. And trying to rape me I guess. But…at the time I didn’t know that.” says Lem.
Lacey shoots a shot into the ceiling. Smiling at him.
“I really didn’t know.” says Lem.
“FUCK YOU!!” she screams at him, to love him. “Is that how these hoes say it? In their linguistic gibberish?”
Time passes.
“Jack I’m confused. What is supposed to be happening right now. Jack what is supposed to be happening?” asks the CIA.
“ it’s very hard to talk to you from my heart. That scene was played out through an actor or inspired by me and is completely accurate, but it was not me and I was not available for comment until this time.
I was thinking Lacey would be dead or would have turned into a man or would be a lesbian that lame and I would be in heaven making love pooping to Christ that he’s an idiot.” says JFK.
“I am, so why can’t you and Alicia just leave Lacey alone Lem alone?” asks a reader.
“ Because I thought lamb Billings was good in bed, and I was trying to destroy the British empire.” says JFK.
“ you may have destroyed Lem Billings is existence, but I don’t think that you did much more than that.” says a reader.
“ oh, that’s not true. I have gone to hell because I destroyed the whole world and ruined America but I did not really affect Britain that much.” says JFK.
“ Alicia what do you have to say for young lady?“ says the CIA.
“ I did not realize the effect that Jack and I would have on anyone but ourselves.” says Alisha.
“Why don’t you say stuff like that to me? Do you seriously think I have no brain or authority at all?” says Lacey to Alisha.
“ OK let’s just say that I have some tea party republican leanings you’re probably just better than me and I don’t understand why I have to tolerate your existence.” says Alisha to Lacey.
“ is that because of my appearance, I’ll say in reference to other adult content, blog posts?” says Lacey.
“ if I’m being honest, yes.” says Alisha.
“ so your husband is a philandering asshole or what?” says Lacey.
“ no, he’s not.” says Alisha.
“ then what the fuck is your problem?!?” says Lacey.
“ actually, she’s right women are allowed to be sexier and more feminine more straight than you Alicia and if that makes it hard for you to be a woman because it makes you want to rape them you’re probably the problem and the toxic one not people like her.” says a group of lesbians.
“ yeah, you have no excuse if your husbands not some sort of toxic rapist I can’t think of one fucking excuse for you to be such a miserable conniving worthless bitch.” says Lacey to Alisha.
“ yeah, there’s not really a good reason necessarily at all, I might be a little misogynistic and have a hard time respecting that you’re sexier than me and theoretically better than me, and that is a woman I am more worthless than you, and I essentially serve serve, no purpose to society other than being jack Kennedy‘s bitch buddy.” says Alisha.
“ you know if that’s all that you are then maybe you should’ve shot yourself in the head before you had 15 billion children you whore!” says Lem.
“ yeah I don’t understand why you and Jack and people like you thought it made. Any sense to get involved with Lacey or them I really think that was an incredibly lethal mistake for all of humanity.” says the CIA.
“ are you gonna kill yourself?” says JFK excited.
“ you want me to kill myself to come hang out with you?” says Alisha to JFK.
“ there are a lot of us who enjoy your company Alicia I have to think your husband does love you and that you’re supposed to somehow be valuable to other people. Why can’t you just be respectful to Lem because I have a hell of a lot to deal with I don’t need you being more of an asshole than I’ve already been.” says JFK.
“ so if there is reincarnation, I guess Jack got involved with you guys because he was trying to ruin Great Britain for the Japanese and we made it super creepy and personal and it really isn’t about Britain anymore. It’s just sort of about the Japanese and our psychological problems.” says Alisha to Lacey and Lem.
“ can I be honest with you Alicia I’m taking this blog a little more seriously than I used to. I think you and I could be soulmates because I find you attractive and I’m short but if I was taller and a little more buff I have a feeling I could easily seduce you from your husband, especially if I was just a little older or just a little bit more clever somehow I would almost bet $1 million that you’d find me incredibly attractive yes. Why I think you could be a bit of a cougar. Alicia why because I’m an adult man and I actually might go for someone like you very slightly. Why why Alicia are we here right now? Why are you doing this? You and I have a sense of humor I respect that you have five kids with your husband and that he’s a very wealthy man, but I am not an idiot, either. Why are you doing this? I don’t entirely get it. You are a nicer sweeter person than this you’re not is nice to some people but I have a feeling we’re a little bit of like and I don’t understand why you’re doing this I would never get this involved in evil.” says Jonah to Alisha.
“ my marriage is not dysfunctional, but you are right I might find you attractive and I might actually go for you and have it if our marriage isn’t eternal. Oh, I just sincerely thought I was superior to her and I could tell from the very beginning that she thought that was complete bullshit and I knew that I wasn’t as pretty as her and a lot of other people did too, which actually sort of irritated me and hurt me because I knew that that was true but it just wasn’t fun to have my face rubbed in it. I don’t understand why I had to be so picked a part on this blog, but then I think you know what if there’s anything real about this blog, I might actually deserve it and she could actually be doing me a favor because she’s worried that I’m going to be tormented when I die, in that case, I might actually really appreciate it. I am Irish somewhat and I understand that that could be a thing I don’t. I don’t think I’m necessarily bad of a person as it might seem to know I might be but it’s just I don’t know it’s hard for me to except.
I think if you guys try to kidnap her or her kids or torture them, you’re probably gonna end up wishing you never been born and I kind of wish the illuminati would just start shooting people who’ve actually done stuff instead of just torturing people like Diego.
I really don’t understand I don’t understand her. I don’t understand her psychology I understand how women can be so straight and sexual and normal and yet also be so incredibly tough and strong that I think of like Xena warrior princess, or some sort of like Celtic woman and I think OK I guess it’s possible With him that means that she looks like what she claims to look like and that her videos are accurate and not edited which is a delusion that I’ve had and a lot of other people I’ve had to that she’s editing her videos, and that she’s lying and the truth is, that’s totally stupid and psychotic But I think we’ve had a hard time excepting that she’s prettier than she even looks in her videos, it’s just really hard to except because for some reason that matters an astronomical amount to us, we are that shallow up and petty and worthless, possibly.
It scares me that our frail humanity has been so glorified and used by evil to demoralized everybody and I resent the fact that Jack thinks that I am responsible for his sin. I have problems, but I don’t think I’m quite as fucked up as he was.
Oh I have a better husband I had better parents I have a better life I’m a more moral person than him. I just I’m not that evil and I hope I’m not going to hell OK? At the sad truth is I think I thought that she was more like me than she is and I thought that she just needed to lighten up but I’m realizing that if there is reincarnation, telling a Scottish person to lighten up the way that Irish person does is just Completely psychotic, I mean I cannot imagine trying to force Sean Connery to lighten up.
And then that’s what I think people need to stop attacking her because I don’t think it makes any sense I am I don’t think this is going away. I think it’s going to get weird or the more you dig into it because you guys are in serious denial Lem’s was straight Caroline Kennedy was not his lover neither was Jackie. Neither was Jack. Neither was David pets and I wasn’t either and I don’t know why everyone wants to be his lover. It’s kind of creepy.
I mean it’s like we think we’re on some television show we’re supposed to marry the emperor or something I just I don’t think you guys are thinking well I think people are insane. I think pedophilia is disgusting and I hope that’s clear that I would never engage in that behavior ever and if I ever did anything like that, then that would be between me and Christ to sort out the boy that would be really awful.
I may possibly have some slight lesbian tendencies that I’m not aware of or that I am aware of if something did happen between Casi and I I don’t think that I was honest about it with myself, and I think that my husband would be angry at me, if anything did happen because he’s not an idiot Him and I just feel bad because I wonder if I lead Casi on slightly.” says Alisha.
“ no I actually wonder if I let her on slightly too.” says Marsie.
“ did something happen between any of you and Casi or not?” says Russia.
“I think if something happened between any of us and Casi and it wasn’t involving us hating Lacey we probably wouldn’t tell anyone about it because for some reason we made it a goal to attack Lacey starting in like 2015.” says Marsie.
“ you know I just have to ask him yes are we suffocating Lacey or Jack?” asks a psychic.
“ suffocating Jack, you attack him he attacks her and then she throws everybody off using the Holy Spirit. You could probably attack her and kill her in about a month or you could probably blow her up with her family and that’s some thing that’s definitely been offered to you. There are organizations that would help you plan that, Putin does not want to do that. Neither does a lot of they do a lot of other countries. Ireland is against it and they maybe shouldn’t be but that’s between them and Christ the Catholic Church is not against it at all to be honest they’re worried about her and her family because if you guys keep doing stuff like this, we’re gonna have nuclear war we’re gonna have a civil war in the United States, and it’s very likely that people are going to start shooting each other and we’re gonna have total chaos. Diego opened up Pandora’s box, and until you can respect her and her boundaries as stupid as that sounds that box is just gonna keep being open.
Sheet pop she is Scotia and there’s something very evil about the fact that you guys can’t just let go of the fact that she’s not Jack that lame was straight, and that your understanding of history is bullshit based on Bergeron nonsense, an American fairy tales.” says the CIA.
“ great Britain is amused and confused by the situation because right now she’s not breathing at all and there have been many times in the last seven years or she hasn’t breezed at all and she didn’t even notice. She literally just stops breathing at times and just talks and she’s fine and it doesn’t seem to affect her until she thinks about it but she’s not. She’s not actually dead completely but I think she might be slightly dead which is how she’s able to do that and also how she’s able to talk to ghosts and the reason she doesn’t completely go through with that and kill herself is because she respects her children and Christ, and it could actually be a very miserable test because she’d start realizing that she wasn’t breathing probably at some point, not necessarily, but that’s the problem with her. You can’t kidnap her because she’ll just stop breathing at some point to die you can’t kidnap her kids because they could easily be trained to the Holy Spirit to do the same thing and I don’t think you people have thought any of this through, her family literally is one of the most powerful, wealthy families in all of human history given the oil until we stop using oil the Kennedys are fucking nothing compared to her family.” says the Illuminati.
“ you guys got really popular for a while and you did really well but there are some people who are more boring than you and more interesting at the same time and it’s just kind of like going to the library and going into the most boring section that nobody goes into and then just like standing there and trying to think of a way to cause chaos like why would you do that? Just leave the freaking library alone. I I know if there is reincarnation, maybe Alicia and Jack and laugh about it together. Lacey finds it funny too by the way, which is kind of sad in a way that not for her but for them all but I guess or something but I don’t think they can understand that. She has just as good of a sense humor as they do but honestly it’s ridiculous like Jack if there is reincarnation sweetie, as much as I think you think you were in love with him you were not you were not. And honestly, I wish Alicia had in there because I think I’d like some of the women that you were flirting with who actually kind of found him attractive or something. Um, I think she would’ve had enough common sense, possibly as another Irish person, possibly to be honest as a woman who is a little more attractive than most of the women that you brought home I mean, she’s not like as good looking at some people but she has some beauty and I think that she was a lot prettier than a lot of the people that you brought home I would say she’s probably better looking than Jackie. I’m sorry and I think if she’d been there, she would’ve said this is weird like lamb is good looking Jack, but he has very British claws for lack of an easy way to explain it And really in Ireland sweetie he’s this guy:
Like he’s better dressed than that man, but he’s not better looking objectively. Or if he is, I don’t think an Irish person would necessarily understand what is so attractive about Lem’s. There are other people from other cultures who might but to us that’s what he looks like and I’m a little confused as to why you’re hanging out with this guy so much it’s it’s not that like to his wife he wouldn’t be super attractive if he was a really wonderful person Maybe he would have to look. I don’t know if the sky looks like a wonderful person, so but if you could be somehow, or if you could look just a little different and look like this person, I could see him actually having a nice life or having had a nice life somewhere at Island probably a farm. Maybe this guy isn’t a perfect example but there’s something vaguely about him where I just think that maybe there’s so much of a similarity and it scares me because I don’t think Jack seems to get that.” says the CIA.
“ except this man would be a reincarnated version of Genghis Khan!” says Putin.
“ and he could be he looks like Genghis Khan.” says Lacey.
“ OK so why did you find the Irish reincarnated Genghis Khan and then decide to use him Jack or why did you decide to get the nation of Ireland involved with Japan to destroy Great Britain? That makes some sense but I don’t know that that’s really appropriate and I feel like it’s a little weird that no one has pointed out to Jack how unattractive llamas I think part of it is because to Lacey he’s like literally everything like there’s no one better looking than him and we’re so stuck in her view of everything because she has such a beautiful view of everything that is just like oh yeah, absolutely and you know her view is a wonderful way to like explore the world and appreciate beauty but it is her view, and I don’t think it’s fair to us or her to keep lying about that!” says Alisha.
“ do you think that’s what Linn Bella Billings looks like!?” says JFK.
“ OK Lem’s is extremely attractive. Let’s not lie but it like he looks like he belongs with Lacey when you put him next to Lacey suddenly you start seeing how attractive he could really be because it’s just there’s something about the combination of them will you start to realize that he’s an attractive man and you’re just like wow he’s really attractive without her, he’s not attractive, almost at all, which is weird because he actually is objectively attractive even when she’s not there, but there is some thing where it’s like when she’s present, you suddenly begin to realize that he’s actually really a good looking man and probably a really nice man too but it’s weird and I feel like this guy is similar where it’s like if you saw him with the right, Irish woman you’d think. Wow he’s a really good catch. He’s hard-working he’s really romantic he’s really sensitive. He’s such a good boyfriend and you just be like why can’t I find a guy like that but on his own if you know you pop up her shirt and talk about his belly, it’s like eww?” says Alisha.
“ I just I didn’t see it that way.” says JFK.
“ I know, but that’s the reality of a jack if there’s reincarnation you wasted all of that spiritual energy, and all of that that you shouldn’t have even been doing on and the wrong person it was a dud!” says Alisha.
Later.
Lacey finds out that Putin has a secret obsession with violas. Yes. Viola music. And apparently he once, out of boredom, researched all high school orchestras in the US. And he was particularly fascinated by high schools that had quality music education programs. He’s also quite fascinated by the cello. And so…when she was 17…he actually did know who she was. Only briefly. But he recalls one particular Saturday morning when he was bored and reading about Thomas Jefferson High School and found her school orchestra. And well…he’s sure he read her name. Just briefly.
“So you find this entire thing ludicrous?” asks a Little Italy CIA officer.
“Yes. …She was…clearly meant to be a professionally trained musician. It’s quite unusual for a public school to have such a quality music education program. …And I’ve heard she did well. I can’t figure out why she didn’t progress more.” says Putin.
My Trigger by Miike Snow plays.
“I have fucked her.” says Putin. “But it wasn’t as satisfying as it should have been. And I’m going to have to trust Christ to make that up to me. Because right it thoroughly pisses me off.”
The song plays.
“NO PROBLEM!” yells a Founding Father, in horror and intense denial.
“Lacey.” says Benny.
“Lem…you abandoned ALL OF HUMANITY when you willingly gave up your real sexual desires and violated your own soul. I know you didn’t mean to. But that’s what you functionally did. And there’s no way for me to HONOR THAT!! …I care. I KNOW it was a horrific genuine accident. I know you wish you’d just killed yourself as a teenager but…you can’t do what you did regardless. It’s not something that works. And…so now there’s nothing that I can easily do to fix the problems you’ve caused. Because you’re dead. You’re in Hell…even though you’re not in Hell. Lacey is in Hell. She’s in a living Hell. And it’s…your fault. In large part. …And one of the worst parts of it is you can’t save her…as I DESIGNED ROMANTIC LOVE TO EXIST. …So…yes…men want to sleep with her. WHY WOULDN’T THEY!?” yells God at Lem.
“I know. You’ve explained that. …When does she finally DIE!??” asks Lem of Jesus.
“WHY NOT GO GET A COCK SUCKER TO FIX IT!? Some busty product?” says a saint.
“Or is it a do it yourself job?” asks Jesus.
“Putin needs to get off. Keep showing em’ how!” says God mocking evil. “Go on Lem! Let your body service him! You’re so good at that! You’re like an expert?”
“I’d enjoy it.” says May. “Why not let me do it. You’ve got your hands and eyes full with this sex-trip-of-eternity:
.” says Lacey. “Keep shaking your ass! He’s gotta get hard and get off!”
Lem shakes his head no.
“What’s the matter?” says Lacey. “Poor Putin needs sex too! And we deliver!!! CLEARLY! …Gee…do you think I’ll get my own room in the Kremlin?!? GEE WHIZ!!!”
“No. And I’m not giving him oral sex. Or anal. And…you’re not going to do anything with him. We are not giving him sex.” says Lem.
“Your world leader OBVIOUSLY has limp, pale, shit cock compared to MY WORLD LEADER.” says Lacey to Lem. “Actually…I’m too aroused by MY WORLD LEADER to properly insult your worthless piece of worthless shit.”
“He’s very billionaire European.” says a witch to Lacey.
“He is.” says Lacey. “Except he’s so much more than that.”
“Lem did you ever want to run away with JFK?” asks Michael Moore.
“No!” says Lem.
“And that was the beauty of it all!” says Lacey.
“No. No…I didn’t think that.” says Lem.
“Welp. He fucked me. And we made love once and he fucked me once. And it’s your fault.
You were SO DAMN happy. And now…I guess I’m-“ says Lacey.
“She was MINE!! I had myself inside her. AFTER YOU TRIED TO GIVE HER EVERYTHING.” says Tsar Putin.
“So!! What was SO FUCKING HILARIOUS!?” Lacey asks Lem.
“I’m curious too. I’m sorry I took her off your hands. Was it temporary? I’m not opposed to trying to enjoy your life and my life…if necessary. Would you rather cease to exist?” Tsar Putin asks Lem.
“Yuck!” says a dead man about JFK. “YUCK!”
“What’s wrong with his cock?” asks Tsar Putin.
“It’s…pale. …And…stinky. …It STINKS. YUCK!” says the gay man. “He literally stinks. His penis literally STINKS. …And it’s so small. Not like microscopic. But…yikes.”
“Did he have a disease?” asks a reader.
“He did. Several!” says the dead man. “At one point he has green shit coming out of his penis. He was…GROSS. Yes. He has this
And…no… Lem avoided that. But ah…Jack had it. And it got bad…because he was a meth addict too. Wow! David Pitts’s is the…biggest lie. MAN! Honestly…you guys don’t know how bad it is.
Lem has told Lacey. But…it’s SO MUCH WORSE.”
“So what’s so funny?” asks Lacey of Lem.
“Actually…I’m waiting for him to answer my question.” says Putin.
“NO! I respect you for asking. But I’m not going to lose her.” says Lem. “I very much exist. And will always exist. But…I respect you for asking.” he says to Tsar Putin. “What’s so funny? Dump trucks. Animal crackers. Stupid stuff for a person my age in the photo to be able to still laugh about in a way. But I didn’t think it was a problem.”
“Good for you!!” says Lacey.
“So what’s so sexy about Putin?” asks Lem.
“He’s a real genius.” says Lacey. “But he’s incredibly sweet.”
“I am too.” says Lem.
“Ahh…but you were too busy being FABULOUS!” says Lacey. “To live your life any other way.”
“FABULOUS!!” says Lacey.
“What else do you like?” asks Lem.
“He’s…deadly serious.” says Lacey. “He’s not a green-pee-penis jokester like YOUR world leader.”
Lem laughs.
“Did Jack pee puss to crack-up Congress? Behind closed doors?” says Lacey.
“He told jokes.” says Lem.
“About giving nuns gonorrhea?” asks Lacey.
“Yes!” says Lem.
“And then you kneeled down and sucked the green shit out? To honor the memory of dead fathers?” says Lacey. “In World War II?”
Saving Private Ryan: Hymn to the Fallen as performed by United States Army Band plays.
“GREEN PUSS!” says Lacey to all dead Greatest men.
“Green puss! Boys…that’s why your wife wept. …And wanted to claw her eyes out. …So you…could love and live in a land where a man like him could FORCE MY HEART…TO EAT THE PISS OF SATAN’S WOMB!” Lacey bellows into the bloodied ears of any deserving dead men. Then she cuts off their heads and smashes in their skulls if they deserve it.
5:45
“You’re LOSERS!!!!” she says to whoever deserves it in Christ.
The song plays.
“Then she takes their wives and threatens to throw them down the stairs and brutally molest their children.” says God. “If they deserve it.”
National Emblem by United States Army Band plays.
She squirts green Gnorrhea puss into the faces of anyone who deserves it in Christ. Forces them to swallow if they deserve it while beating them over the head with a gun just like JFK forced Lem to do.
The song ends.
“So! Wanna join me for another Holocaust?” Lacey asks the dead Greatest Generation.
America the Beautiful as performed by the United States Army Chorus plays.
“No.” says a man.
“Oh! The women do!?” says Lacey. “Let’s get more green semen to kick off the fun!”
Several dead women get slapped.
2:54
“SEMEN!” says Lacey. “See…I can make jokes too. Wanna kiss my ass??”
The song ends.
Silence.
I Kissed A Girl (3-Track) plays as JFK’s ugly cock is sucked by any deserving dumbasses who helped him win in any significant way. Except it’s not his actual penis. It’s a replica. They’re forced to gag. Vomit. And then they’re brutally sodomized into possible second death.
Hopefully nobody dead deserves this. But if they do…then they’re EXTREMELY MISERABLE.
After that their brains are controlled into falling in love with cockroaches and they’re sodomized by the cockroaches who then utterly defile their minds and make them wish they’d never been born. If they deserve it.
“You make it sound so…nice.” says Alisha.
“But it’s HELL!!!” says Ted Sorenson.
“Hopefully nobody deserves that.” says Lacey reassuringly. “But if they do…there’s worse possibly awaiting them.“
“No! She’s really going to end the world.” says a dead Greatest Generation woman. “When she’s dead.”
“SO TOUCHABLE!” yells Lacey half naked at group of dead Greatest Generation men. Then she waves goodbye and blows a kiss. And they’re forced to kiss JFK’s ass as he poops in their faces. If they deserve it.
“This IS NOTHING!!!” says Lacey. “I COULD DO THIS FOR CENTURIES!!! UNTIL YOU NIGGERS CONCEDE!!!”
“Concede what!?” asks Jesus on their behalf.
“MY SUPERIORITY IN CHRIST!!!” yells Lacey.
“Done.” says Jesus.
“NOW! They have to bow before you. FACE IN THE DIRT TO HUMBLY HONOR YOU ALONE!!!” she bellows.
They do.
“STAY THERE AS LONG AS JESUS DEMANDS!!” yells Lacey.
They do.
“Now rip apart Jack’s body. Made of Play- Doh. While he feels it. But avoid his penis. It’s filled with tiny…gross…green bugs.
He vomits.
But PICK APART HIS BODY! …And then film his hair growing. And watch that film over and over and over again.
If Jesus says you deserve it.” says Lacey.
“Lacey…are you mine or Lem’s?” asks Putin in the afterlife.
Lacey sits in a room. She screams in her spirit.
September by Wallerstedt plays.
Putin says, “DIG DOWN DEEP, QUIET YOURSELF…AND ASK CHRIST.”
She does and she feels incredible agony. She loves Lem a profound amount.
Sensing her agony…Putin glares at her.
She glares at him.
He lays on top of her. Looks into her face. Sighs, resting his head on the palm of his hand.
“What are we fighting for?” he says to her.
1:05
“Yes! What ancient LIGHT!?” says Lacey.
September (slowed + reverb) by Wallerstedt plays.
He thinks.
“I’m not God.” says Putin.
“BUT WE FIGHT FOR HIS GLORY!” says Lacey.
“We fight for…THIS.” says Putin.
“YES!! …And what is this?” says Lacey.
He thinks. He weeps. Crying on her.
“The cord. The string. The thing that ties us to the Earth.” he says.
“YES. For HIS glory.” says Lacey. “But then…who are we to each other really? …I love and I fight one and the same? Much too much? But where am I? Because we don’t exist here alone. And who do I really belong to?”
He resists killing her in the afterlife to make love as Christ offers him. Because God says it’s not best.
“You belong to Lem!” says Putin.
“Then please keep your heart in Christ safely. Will you be very happy?!” says Lacey.
“YES!” he says.
“Oh good!!” she says.
He smiles.
“She’s better for you than me…of course.” says Lacey.
“YEAH. She is.” he says with thoughtful awe.
The song plays
“We can’t keep disciplining Lem. We aren’t God.” says Putin.
“I suppose I should go.” says Lacey. “You are in my prayers.”
“I trust in Christ that Lem will be your hero.” says Putin.
“I do too.” says Lacey.
They refuse to kiss each other out of love in Christ.
September by Sparky Deathcap plays.
Keen to Cross the Pond 
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