“Oops I Did It Again”

This morning Tsar Putin explained that he had made love with Lacey.

The Great Escape by Patrick Watson plays.

In his sleep.

And while she was…very real…he knew it was in the past. Except also now.

Why? Because they could have gotten married. Lacey was destined to be a brilliant foreign policy advisor. And at Oxford University she was supposed to have been coerced by the CIA into accepting a job to seduce him.

Sleeping Beauty by Patrick Watson plays.

Yes. Her life’s mission was, in 2010, to seduce Vladimir Putin. Lacey is far more intelligent than you think. And she was fully capable of doing it. …Except George Bush Jr. would have had to let her go to him…for the rest of her life. Because they are in love. And they would have been. It…was…KISMET.

Chris…IT WAS KISMET.

Kismet in Christ, so to speak.

Tsar Vladimir Putin looks at God. “It was too evil not to be with her.”

“Yes!” says God. “After she fell asleep again almost dead…and without any clear knowledge that Lem is with her…I had to allow him to be heartbroken again. He is obviously not sleeping with you.”

“What do we do about him?” asks Tsar Putin.

The song ends.

“I keep falling for it.” says Lem.

“YES! Why do you keep doing that to us!?” says Lacey, in anguish to Lem.

Let’s just stay here for a second. To catch our breath.

And at that a beautiful little girl holds a gun to her head and half sober and half sane she pulls a trigger and dies. Finally. She’s been being horrifically sexually abused and that second was her only chance to escape to Heaven. And she took it!! Thank God.

“We BARELY EXIST!!” says an American man who’s normal, middle class, white and kind. He weeps. He weeps over his country.

“As she fell asleep last night the Kennedys had separated her from Lem. In her mind. ….But I guess that still matters.” says Tsar Putin.

The song plays and…

Ends.

Lem stands and stares out of window.

The next song starts.

1:03

Dead men cheer JFK on. Dead women cheer JFK on.

Tom refuses to coddle Lem. And Lacey is a woman. He will have to figure out who they are.

Nothin’ by N. O. R. E. plays.

Lacey sticks poles up all of their asses. Ancient Egyptians bounce them around in the air.

“I’m sorry. I’m losing my patience.” says Lacey to Jesus.

They seem like a toy. To the holy Ancient Egyptians. They laugh.

The song ends.

They remain on poles.

In Da Club 50 Cent plays and Lacey laughs.

Poles are stuck in their heads…and then they’re “nailed into the ground.” Through Jesus Christ. They get stuck there. Indefinitely.

“We can’t move. And we are in excruciating pain. Until we can let go of our evil…or until our punishment is over.” explains one of them who’s a psychopath. He hilariously and sadly feels loved by this. He yawns slightly realizes that he’s lucky to have been born in the 1800’s. That’s the part of him that isn’t in Hell. He sighs, relieved to see that God cares.

React by Erick Sermon plays to explain Lem’s sexuality safely. His actual sexuality. He was straight.

The song ends.

“What is the thing you keep falling for?” Lacey asks Lem.

Images of JFK twerking in a black glitter thong in front of the poled people plays. A few of them suddenly vomit in agony.

Lacey stands proudly on the cold street in PHILADELPHIA. She finds comfort in the genius of The NOTORIOUS B. I. G.. The pavement. It’s IN THE GROUND ITSELF.

She smiles. So does Biggie.

“THIS IS EVERYTHING!” says Lacey to Biggie in Christ.

She admires the Philly streets. The epic. The meaning.

“THIS IS IT!!” says Lacey.

She stands in the middle of the street.

“NO! It’s BLACK.” says Lacey.

“It ain’t safe.” says a Black man to Lacey.

She dances. To What’s Beef. In the street.

She sits down. Thinking. Right in the middle of the street.

She stays sitting there.

“Why did Nancy leave this!?” says Lacey.

“You can’t live here.” says God to Lacey. “You don’t understand.”

Lacey lays there. “Yes. It’s VIBRATING!?” says Lacey.

Biggie lays on the ground.

He laughs. “Yes.” he says.

“This reminds me of Duluth.” says Lacey to Biggie.

Biggie is amazed. “YES!!” he says.

She stands up. “It’s EVIL.” she says.

He stands up too.

They’re both safe.

“IT’S DULUTH!” says Lacey.

“It’s THIS!!” says Lacey.

“It’s us.” says Michael Rockefeller to Lacey.

“You’re right Grandpa Pantell.” says Lacey.

Lacey studies the literal street.

She digs in and finds Lem’s hidden soul. She gives it to God.

It was in the ground in Missouri or so.

“We didn’t do it.” say dead Black peoples.

Lacey nods. Breaths a sigh of relief she expected.

Lacey stares at the ground.

“That’s BOSTON!” she says. “NANCY!!”

A spiritual line is between Boston and Philly.

A spiritual line in between Philly and Australia.

There is no spiritual line between Duluth and Philly.

Lacey dances and prehistoric creatures from Hell fly up from the ground into Heaven.

The song starts over.

“Did you have grace?” Lacey asks a Black woman.

She thinks. “YEAH.” she says.

“I have grace.” says Lacey.

She smiles and nods.

“Did Nancy?” Lacey asks God.

“No!” says God.

“Then how does this country make sense?” Lacey asks God.

“Witchcraft.” explains God.

“It’s a LIE.” says Lacey.

“Yes.” says God.

“Why did Lem do this to do me?” says Lacey to God.

6:09

“They’re SO SANE!” says Lacey.

The song ends.

“Bobby Kennedy Senior betrayed them. And we celebrated and still celebrate it.” says God.

“WHAT IS LEM EVEN WORTH!?” says Lacey.

And at that a dead Black man helps hostage Lem shoot Bobby Kennedy Junior with a lethal amount of heroin. In 1969. Or 1971. Or 1974. He drops to the ground. And Lacey would like to smash in his skull on behalf of his family. But…she can’t physically.

He almost dies…and would have been better off. Lem high himself sits down and cries, knowing he will be dead. But as Bobby Junior almost passes over…Bobby Kennedy Senior freaks out like a bitchy homosexual…and fake nails and weave flying on his sad ass…he races in his obnoxiously high Louboutins to have sex with a demon.

And at that Bobby screams, “OH MY GOD! Bobby is going to DIE! OH MY GOD, BOBBY IS GOING TO DIE!!!”

“Saving…Ryan’s Privates.” says Erin Ryan sanctimoniously, poor thing.

Nancy rolls her eyes. She’s heard women in pretentious situations sound like that many times before.

And at that beauty outside of the British melody….in this specific song…becomes a joke against ALL Americans who fought and died in any war.

Bobby Kennedy Senior looks confused, stupid and high.

“I get high from sex with demons.” he explains.

“Yeah. They give you drugs. So you share drugs with your son. To inappropriately save his life?” says Lacey to Bobby Kennedy Senior. “Not cool dude.”

M.A.Y. In the Background by Ryuichi Sakamoto plays.

A giant cargo ship flies past Lacey. In the sky.

“Oh no. This is the end.” says Lacey. “Or it’s my way to end the world.”

3:48

John Lithgow shrugs at the gay community.

“I can’t let you get away with your pure evil.” Lacey explains to them.

“No. THOSE MEN LOOK GAY!! Or very close to it. Lem did not. As far as I can tell, he did not.” says Tsar Putin.

“I write Lem sex letters on toilet paper. Every Christmas. Santa BABY?” says Bobby Kennedy Junior to all of us. “GIVE ME A BREAK!! LET ME BE PRETTY!!!”

“You do not!” says this woman or someone who resembles her:

“NO! I DO!” says Bobby, drooling on heroin.

“Are homosexuals just insane…but America saw an opportunity to make them profitable?” asks all of humanity of God.

“I suspect so! And I’d like my music back!!” says Louis Hill Junior reclaiming the film in Christ for God’s purposes.

Lacey sits in both Philly and Louis’s backyard.

“Are French really inferior to her?” asks Emperor sometimes of France something.

“You do host shitty Olympics and exciting invasions.” says Lacey.

And Lacey stares at the ground in Philly.

“Call me BY YOUR NAME!?? WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE!??” she screams at gay men. “Do you all get hard solely on the premise that you’re sending straight women into eternal Hell? Is that ALL YOU ARE!?”

Anderson Cooper shakes his head silently no.

“They must be sleeping together for him to say that.” say all gay men.

“Umm…how does that help you!?” asks a Hollywood actress.

“No, she’s claiming to have some sexual tension with him???” says Honey Fitz.

“But then that’s where it actually does make sense because we do have some sexual tension. I am very slightly straight.” says Anderson Cooper. “But she doesn’t know that.

I’m almost entirely gay, but I actually have been attracted to some women. It’s not common, but I do find some attractive and she’s one of them. The thing is though…she doesn’t feel hatred from me. She doesn’t feel any sort of violence or hatred from me that would matter at all, if I was supposed to be with her.”

“You polluted me. You ruined what I was doing because now she doesn’t trust me almost at all.” says Michael Rockefeller to the Kennedys.

“So how did this film make sense? I actually don’t get it either. …And I know Bobby Kennedy Junior had a HUGE crush on Timothee so Cheryl pulled strings to get him in a movie where he is seduced by a Lem Billings type. …They’re violently narcissistically offended by Lacey. …He hates that he’s a blabbering, bluffing fool. And she is what he pretends to be. He’s a FOOL!” says Anderson Cooper. “NO! Not Lacey. Lacey is NOT A FOOL! Bobby is!”

Later.

“Anderson I applaud you for finally being worth a damn in our friendship.” says Lacey. “I would love to know who the fuck drilled the holes into the brains of the writers who wrote such fucking drivel. 

That’s the first flaw! I know as an author myself, who genuinely writes real actual things that could happen, and some things that may or may not be possible that that’s total fabrication. There’s something incredibly pornographic and stupid about that premise to begin with.” says Lacey.

The Founding Fathers cringe in fear.

A gay man smirks.

“IT’S NOT FUNNY!!!!” says Lacey. “You’re LIARS! And given misogyny…THIS SHIT STINKS to high HEAVEN.”

The above woman giggles with Lacey.

“His father invites a hot, sexy, buff, horny man to just live with them!? DURING THE SUMMER!? Yeah fucking right! …It’s plausible but it’s super unlikely! …This is a wet dream. This is a sex fantasy! …This is a pornographic film by some dipshit spoiled narcissistic jackass hick closeted gay bitch from the Irish gutter.” says Lacey.

“I completely agree!” says Skippy Handelman. “As a fictional character God made real…I can say that she’s absolutely right. …This is a horribly flawed premise. …And given Lem’s actual heterosexuality and the narcissistic personality disorder of the entire Kennedy family…it’s OBVIOUSLY REALLY…REALLY ANGERING to her. …And I take it personally. SO DOES HAROLD LOEB! SO DOES ISHMAIL MERCHANT! So do LOTS of real artists. This film is a crime against…life itself.”

Anderson Cooper laughs. Lacey smiles.

“So you want us to believe that Oliver is so sexually aroused that he makes a move in 1983…but then just he then just forgets about it!?!?? NO!!! Did an ugly, narcissistic, gay incel write this!?!

So…Oliver has sexual desires for Elio…but then he just sort of brushes them off like, ‘Oh nevermind! I could have hot sucks…but I’d rather just play volleyball!’ …I mean what what are we supposed to believe!? That Oliver gets distracted by the peach tree!? …I don’t understand! Because men don’t do stuff like that unless if they’re actually interested in fucking somebody! Men don’t do it! They don’t do like covert physical gestures for no damn reason! …I know from experience of sleeping with men! No…they don’t do stuff like that unless if they’re planning on getting some later from you! This brush is a very sexual thing to do and yeah Merchant Ivory is completely agreeing with me on this one as is FLOYD himself. …I don’t know what dumbass asexual prick came up with this bullshit, but this is not reality. When men do stuff like that they don’t just go on like never mind! I-I don’t know if Jack imagined that Lem brushed him and then just forgot about it or if some dumbass woman wrote this and thought that a man was into her who wasn’t? I don’t know who did this, but I know that if that was sexual that that that that man is not going home until he gets His. And that’s white men…that is black men…that is any man man. …Men aren’t made that way! …I mean did the person who wrote this even have sex ever…or is it just some closeted sexually inexperienced lesbian who wrote this? I can’t even figure this out!” yells Lacey. She responds to closeted gay haters in the Illuminati: “No…don’t correct me unless if you know what the fuck you’re talking about! Men don’t make sexual moves like that unless if they’re planning on doing something with you. And if I read it correctly- I mean you could correct if me if you could tell me that I didn’t read it correctly but be careful because it seems to me like it doesn’t happen quickly enough! They sleep together when? 1 million years later…after they both fucked other people!? That doesn’t make sense!!!

So Oliver brushes up against Elio and then later they sleep together, 1 million years later? I don’t know…but the timing of it is off! It’s plausible????? MAYBE. But I doubt it! No…it’s off! It really is. Umm…when Elio approaches Oliver in his room and says you know basically, ‘Let’s have sex!’ that’s when something should’ve happened or that man Oliver would’ve probably approached him later in the evening or Oliver would’ve kept flirting with Elio. It’s-it’s just it doesn’t- The timing sexually makes no sense! If really reads to me like a very sexually-moronic bunch of fucking nonsense…and I kind of think you wrote this when I was trying to write my novel…and you people are too stupid to know how to write anything anymore! You just sat there obsessively reading me psychically to get ideas when I was writing because you all know in your cognitive dissonance that you’re idiots compared to me?

So! What you should’ve had Oliver do was probably make some sort of ‘comment’ to Elio in some sort of flirtatious sexual jab, or there has to be some sort of real tension between them…because the love story you’ve concocted is impossible. It is totally psychologically impossible.” says Lacey.

“Art is supposed to be helpful. Okay? HELPFUL. …But bourgeois New Money assholes who make shit like this genuinely may not understand that premise. …Because they’re too worthless to humanity to cope?” says Anderson Cooper.

“NO!! There are no parents who would do this. …Maybe. But…wow! THIS IS A HUGE STRETCH! …Especially in 1983!? WHAT THE HELL!!?” says Lacey. “Their bond ISN’T REAL!! THIS IS A NARCISSISTIC HIT JOB AGAINST OUR SANITY!”

“NO!! Not during a JEWISH HOLIDAY!?! NO! JUST NO! A Jew did not write this! Or if they did…they’re very stupid! It’s plausible. But…weird as HELL! Sooo….creepy!

Everything? He remembers EVERYTHING!? What THE FUCK…is EVERYTHING!? EVERYTHING!? OLIVER!? OLIVER said that!? …Then why is he marrying her? Because it’s 1983!?!? Ahh…NO! …YUCK!!!

And CALL ME BY YOUR NAME!? CALL ME BY YOUR NAME!?! ….WHAT…THE FUCK…IS THAT!?!?” yells Lacey.

Futile Devices (Doveman Remix) by Sufjan Stevens plays.

“Oops!” says Joe Kennedy Junior to all of Africa. He farts. Looks like an actual mentally retarded man, just for a moment.

“Lacey you don’t practice witchcraft so if there are things manifesting on this blog, it’s probably because you’re slightly dead and there’s an Illuminati and you worship Christ?” says a real Christian church.

“YES! And I may have accidentally joined a coven or unwittingly joined a coven in the process of being attacked by Illuminati. But I am not a witch unless if I can sincerely be a witch in Christ. And maybe that’s not possible. But…” says Lacey.

“ this was supposed to kickstart my rocksolid grade a straight to the White House campaign because I am Bobby Kennedy Junior and I’m really hot and sexy. I was only 5 foot nine and I’m not a Romanov I’m a jack ass from Boston with a very low IQ at times Jack Kennedy was president for three years before he got shot. My uncle was a US senator and that’s pretty much, all my family is ever been able to do although my dad was the US senator for a brief 48 years or so in the 1960s before he to a shot and that’s pretty much all we’ve ever done. I mean we’ve gotten into positions because our family is incredibly violent and we rape people, so we’ve bullied the whole fucking world with our money that we got because we pretended to be worth a shit and Tom Banks helped us so Lacey Banks his father took mercy on us and helped us become rich because we were struggling financially because we’re worth fucking shit when it comes to understanding how to manage money and then we stole her twin flame we thought, but really we were just sodomizing him and he helped us stay from being poor that after he died to we just started blowing through all of our money because we really have no idea how to handle our money we’re basically just dumb ass Hicks I had to I had to divorce Mary and fuck Cheryl and Maria and make her think I gave a damn about her because I’m hard up I did fall for Cheryl and I imagine that we were madly in love but she’s kind of a dumb ass, narcissistic hick herself, and so she thought that her little fat face was prettier than Mary’s but wasn’t she’s a ditz, but not like Lacey she’s an awesome and absolute fucking moron Olivia is hotter than her and she’s not like obviously she’s not as hot as Lacey or a lot of other people possibly but Olivia is fucking hot compared to Cheryl and it was just fun talking to Lacey and realizing that I could sleep with an actual sexy woman not some stupid fucked up busted version of Lacey so I slept with Olivia and OK. Olivia still kind of looks like Lacey, but not as much as most of my wives have and I was kind of fun. Olivia’s kind of sexy and Cheryl is kind of weird looking but she’s also kind of sexy but she’s also kind of creepy looking and the truth is is that she’s just smarter than me and so she knows how to manage money better and she’s possibly not a total narcissistic idiot so she has a lot of social connections and she baby just be basically just took care of me and I just pretended to be stupid and needing help from her. Some people maybe are like that I’m not so much I mean I’m stupid, but not as much as I pretend to be I don’t have a sexual addiction. I’m just a narcissistic dip shit I made that up I did have a drug addiction, and I don’t actually have any sort of addiction to sex. That’s not possible for me but 888 I feel Cheryl into thinking she could fix me and she was stupid enough to think she should try and Mary was an idiot to but I think we had more in common because sometimes she break like this and say things to you and I think you know what I love you and she sometimes would love me too and then I would kill her in response, but I did love, Mary I wish she was a hot blonde. I prefer hot blondes. The whole dark thing is not necessarily my thing that’s probably more loves thing and I think I’m lame because I wanna be straight like him and I want to think that I came from a nice family like he did and then I’m tall and handsome the way that he is and I’m not I’m short Irish and I’m scrawny and I’m dark, so yes Timothée Chalamet is actually supposed to be me and Cheryl’s kind of a stupid woman because no, I mean that I ruined sex in the city. I wouldn’t even be surprised if both Jack and I did because we had connections to writers in Hollywood through women that we fucked like Cheryl and Clare Boothe Luce so we were we were able to get in and they fuck with stuff just to piss Lacey off but I’m starting to think she really stuck with Putin for real in someway and it’s probably not satisfying to either of them like they like it to be but I have a feeling it was so much satisfying, which tells me all I need to know and I really don’t think I don’t think it’s safe to assume that she is an idiot anymore. He’s just jealous of us. I don’t think that’s true anymore. I don’t think it’s likely that she’s just a jealous idiot and that we’re just being nice to her I have a very strong feeling that because I’m lost I’m actually saying this so much from the other side. I have a very strong feeling that because Lum was straight because he was actually at it here and he was straight so and he didn’t go too far which is kind of amazing he could’ve obliterated his own soul, but didn’t do that, yes he didn’t do that so he still is with Lacey and we actually didn’t manage to ruin him in the last five years but the problem is that we’ve destroyed their existence almost because now she’s in love with Vladimir Putin and Vladimir Putin’s in love with her and they can’t even be together and and then what are we supposed to do right?

Anyway, Timothée Chalamet is it supposed to be me that is lame Billings, the professor but it’s also actually Joe Kennedy Junior, which is kind of creepy but then that’s what my family did for some weird reason we all decided to just I guess blow her brains out and sleep with which other I guess we were trying to keep our sexual energy in the family. I don’t know what we were doing it it’s possible we’re perverted is also possible we were totally insane so we’re both so basically II slept with. I slept with my uncle and lamb in the movie Because I imagined that lamb would be like my uncle Joe and sort of be a player at the end of the day because he was such good friends with my uncle Jack so I imagine that he was kind of a player in someway so the ideas that Oliver is like a player and he’s like playing Helios and Elias is a player to, but he just doesn’t know it yet and so they’re supposed to end up together at the end of the day in their hearts Because they’re actually like somewhat bisexual and then they have these weird toxic relationships with women that they pretend aren’t real like us which is totally impossible, but they pretend like they’re not actually sleeping with women, but they are which is impossible she didn’t point that one out but I have a feeling she knows that I am For some reason she chose not to point that flat out but the floor is basically that you know it’s like you could have sex with women and it’s totally real but then it’s not real at the same time that’s impossible so that’s a huge lie in the film, but the idea is that that’s possible even though it’s not and then somehow they have these the secret relationship with which other that is profound and the idea is that they’re connected sexually like Jack and lamb were even though they’re sleeping with like dozens of other people because they chose to college other by their name so it’s like they’re just two bisexual dudes in the garden of Eden, who fell in love, and then they make a pact to college other bias to college other by their names and then runoff into the garden of Eden to sleep with women who are their parents and possibly even men if we’re being honest who they won’t have any connection with that will challenged what they have so the idea is that you couldn’t foresee that kind of thing When you’re in a total dip shit narcissistic relationship is that possible maybe but not really because it’s just not possible this is I mean OK maybe it might be possible if you’re actually twin flames or even soulmates because I feel like Putin and Lacey do that, but then they also don’t because they know they’re not together at the end but I think it’s possible that you could run off into the farm maybe not the garden of Eden but the fallen world you could run off And sort of do that but then it’s kind of like how does that how is that remotely? Likely it’s it’s possible but it’s super unlikely that you would probably be able to maintain that kind of bond because there’s just there’s too much chaos there too many people like Olivia OK so like even if I met my twin flame who is not Lacey if I met my twin flame Somewhere it’s so obviously not lazy. She can’t stand me. She cares about me, but she literally thinks I’m a she would rather I don’t think she would ever have sex with me. I think she would rather just not have sex for eternity than be with me, which is not something I would ever do to her that would be like that that would be love you sending her to hell to some degree that would be a higher level of health and she’s a Christian. He wouldn’t send her the hell, but her being my twin flame would be like a literal hell for her she can’t stand me. She really can’t stand me that, and that way she literally can’t stand me. She cares about me, but she can’t stand me.

Which is pretty stupid because she was my grandfather soulmate for a while, and then he ruled that before she was born I mean he might’ve ruined that when he was like five or something he was very evil I mean it’s unlikely probably when he was an adult but still, he was very evil, and so that’s why she can’t stand me and that way you guys seriously grow up I mean it’s like I make mistakes like that too but it’s pretty stupid.” says Bobby Kennedy Junior.

(We will leave that currently unedited.)