“I’m Confused” by a reader (edt by Lem)

“Lacey gets dropped off at a weird Chinese restaurant. Near a peep show. It’s…2 A M. She had a late flight.

They meet. It’s 1978. They fall in love.” says a middle class perfume collector reader. “Lacey…why aren’t you more bothered by his…activities?

“It’s complicated.” says Lem.

“Okay.

…Then Being There isn’t clever. It’s stupid.” he says.

“It’s…an admission of the Illuminati.” says Lem. “Cleverly designed to make it seem unlikely.”

“You…know…a lot.

How…do you not understand us?” he says.

“Because? You lie?” says Lem.

“So you were extremely straight but you were too decent to act on it because you thought you were gay and you were a really good actor umm…so everyone thought you might be even if they suspected you weren’t. … I-I am astounded that you never acted on it. How do you? How does that? How does that happen?” he says.

“I hate to be crass, but I masturbated a lot. I had whole rituals involving an imaginary woman who is Lacey almost exactly. I mean she’s more what I was looking for than I knew…but Lacey in a way. …That was one of my biggest coping mechanisms was pornography, straight pornography, and my thoughts. That was how I coped in large part. It was my mind and pornography. the pornography became a very big thing for me I did have a rather I think it was sizable. Lacey doesn’t think so, but she has hundreds of bottles of perfume. I I had him about 50 different different product pornographic things and then I had a playboy collection so maybe 10 video video cassettes five films it was a lot of stuff and I just cycled through it and then went out every once in a while because I lived in New York, and I would just go to peep shows at all times of the day, but usually at night when people were home, when no one would see me. And I didn’t feel embarrassed. Oh, and yeah, that’s a long the long and short of it I guess.

Umm I did experiment once with a dark-haired prostitute who I had hired for Jack, I was leading her up a flight of stairs, and she was ready for action so to speak and I thought, ‘I think I’m gonna give her a kiss just to see if I can enjoy myself here.’ And it was just so lackluster. I mean it was just like kissing at a wall. Because there was no emotion involved and she was average looking so I wasn’t really attracted to her all that much and it just was very blasé. I have an unusually good body, and I’m very smart and people usually are attracted to people who are similar to them in someway. My face is not unattractive it’s not as attractive as some people but it’s pretty good looking, and Lacey likes my height and my body and my face and me she likes every part of me and that is what I was looking for some woman who really liked me because I knew I was good looking I wasn’t attracted to myself But I I felt frustrated at times because I was so big and I was awkward but I was also somewhat good looking and I thought why isn’t you know anyone interested in me and I supposedly I thought my supposed to I’m gay but I have glasses and I’m asthmatic But I’m really a pretty good looking man I Dress well and it was it was frustrating to me at times because I knew I knew that I could get married I knew I could find somebody and I just couldn’t understand why women who are so good looking weren’t noticing me and it really was because I was acting gay oh, but it was other stuff too so people just weren’t as perceptive as her and no I really am. I needed her there. I needed someone as deep as her who is a tractive and who is straight that likes men obviously same thing but I’m just trying to explain carefully what I mean as politely as possible and so no, I needed her there I need is my wife there a woman who understands me and appreciates me in a feminine way and who I could capture me know and keep forever but she wasn’t there and no I did. I tried sleeping with a prostitute basically and it just was boring. I’m too deep I’m not I’m a very intelligent person and I thought it was gay, so I thought what is the point of this this woman is boring. This is boring It’s just it’s like kissing a wall could I have kiss Marilyn Monroe? Yeah I could’ve slept with Marilyn Monroe

I could’ve slept with Marilyn Monroe I could’ve slept with probably a lot of women to be honest some of the women that you think you’re really beautiful are beautiful Jean Tierney had a gorgeous face, but her body was not quite like Lacey‘s, or Marilyn Monroe. Chris Kelly was beautiful she had a gorgeous bone structure, but again she wasn’t quite as well I was she was lacy lacy is actually sort of voluptuous. It’s very discreet and petite. It’s kind of like Rachel Ward but she’s smaller in her chest that Rachel I think I don’t know. Maybe Rachel had plastic surgery but I don’t know him but that I mean, I’m just being blunt but but I am, but that was what I was looking for. Could I have slept with Rachel Ward no because she seems so young to me, she really did. She seemed young she still does and Lacey doesn’t because she’s not. I mean her father really is Tom regardless and she is she is more like us to her body is more like like ours. Rachel hurt her. Her bone structure is is good but it’s still not quite what I was looking for. I’m picky I guess, but she was very beautiful but no she wasn’t quite my type. I know Marilyn Rose Marilyn was very much my type, and I could’ve slept with Marilyn, though. I definitely could’ve slept with Marilyn, and it would’ve been awful because she would not have necessarily been serious about me who is somewhat, but not that much and I would’ve had a hard time with that, but that wasn’t the only reason I didn’t sleep with her I just oh I wasn’t interested in a woman who I am who wasn’t what I was looking for. I don’t know how to say it. I’m sorry if I seem unbelievably picky, but I was, I thought I was gay do you knows I had an excuse And I just didn’t wanna mess around. I don’t know if Jack understood that but I really don’t know that he did but I didn’t wanna mess around, so no I didn’t sleep with anyone, but there were a number of really attractive women who I am, I could’ve slept with yeah but I just didn’t, I just didn’t think it was a wise thing to do. It was repulsive to me and I just thought it was gay and I took things more seriously than most people because it was so gay or something or that I just was chicken or you know whatever but really that chicken was not what I thought it was cover I thought I was gay him And I just was too deep I guess too too deep and I think at times I thought that was probably just bullshit but that I thought you know even if even if it’s bullshit and I’m not to check in and I’m just a really deep sensitive person I never find anybody I never find anybody nobody’s ever quite right, and You know I’m probably just gay and I have Jack to look after and that’s good enough. I have a husband and I’m not you know in love with him the way I would be with a woman but I have someone to take care of and there’s something wrong with me but I’m doing my best. I’m trying to make the best of it And then at night I have fun this is a problem with a prostitute is that it’s an actual person so I was raised in a very, very unusually intelligent family where they had started Lemoyne Owen college in Tennessee. That’s where my name came from Lemoyne college in Tennessee Lemoyne Owens that’s my name Lemoyne, Lamb that’s my name Kirk Lemoyne from Lemoyne college in Tennessee or fit. My family started that our family Lacey’s family as well. Started Lemoyne Owen college And so I took human value. I took human value I took humanity very seriously I took women’s humanity very seriously believe it or not and so I just thought no you know him I’m gay and this woman’s not good enough and I think I’ll just just say no for now because you know it’s like you could hire a prostitute and sleep with her but then you have to sleep with her and she’s a person and she’s going to have thoughts and you’re going to interact with him with a person and it’s just like sucks it’s really personal and I understood that, I was very deep and so I thought no there’s no way that I feel comfortable sleeping with a person who I’m paying. Eww!” says Lem.

“ so if there’s reincarnation you just channeled Lacey?” says Alisha.

“ yes and there might not be reincarnation. I might’ve just channeled her in the future but no I am I did. I did sleep with her at times. She’s actually been aware of that and got along with it there’s been one or two times where she slept with me and she’s been aware that she could be interacting with me in the past and she’s just like whatever, and then she tries to explain to me that she’s in the future or that we’re separated somehow and I kind of understood believe it or not if this is if it actually happened, I did hear her from the future somehow through God in my spirit, and I thought were separated through time and space this woman who I’m thinking about who I am thanking about is separated from me and I just you know I’ll I’ll see her someday I guess when I’m dead or something and I am yeah, she actually was part of the reason I killed myself and I.

I think Jack has a hard time with that because he wants to think that it’s him, but it’s not. It’s entirely just her. I killed myself out of anger over him, but I killed myself out of love over her, so I was lusting after her dreaming of her every night or every other night and then in my 60s I thought you know I think I’m just gonna die and go see that woman, is she even exists so I may have actually gone to sleep thinking of her and then died in my sleep while I was thinking of her.” says Lem.

“ so um you are you just let Jack sleep with dozens of women and I’m thinking for a straight perspective and you never were tempted to join him? How?” he says.

“ because they were sluts and I’m deep they’re not just like an apple they were women they were real people and I just didn’t like the idea it’s like you it’s just you I’m not demi sexual I just thought it was gross. Because it’s like why why would I why would I want to sleep with these frankly, dirty whores I mean you yuck do you want me to get graphic or should I just leave it at that?” says Lem.

“ so you wanted a woman who is a total slut, but just for you?” he says.

“ yes and that’s exactly what Lacey is. I mean the thought that like men water is kind of exciting but I don’t really want anything to happen. That’s just awful so it’s more just thought I want her to be with me.” says Lem.

“ I don’t understand how you just look the other way while he’s sucking up with all these women?” says a guy.

“ OK well they were ugly. Do you want me to just be really blunt it’s sad it’s going to be disturbing to people. People are going to get angry at her again. I had an ideal in my head I was up I subscribe to playboy, and I thought I was gay, I didn’t feel pressure to sleep with women it’s like oh yeah OK you know would be nice to you know do that but I don’t have to and if I do do that it’ll be interacting with an actual person that’s where I get confused by all of you, it is far more pleasurable to be with all of the actual human who is physically present, but then you have to be with that person then you have to be with that person and I didn’t really wanna do that it’s like OK you know it would be nice but then you have to actually be with that person. It’s not just a body have to be with that person.” says Lem.

“ no, you’re right you do.

they were ugly?” he says.

“ yeah Yep they were Judith Exter was an idiot at times and she was too pasty. Jean Tierney was a little scrawny, even though she had a beautiful face. Jackie looks like a man naked, slightly. Grace Kelly had tiny tits, and the rest of her body wasn’t curvy enough to make up for it. They were nice enough, but her but she wasn’t. She was very beautiful she was she was very beautiful, but she wasn’t she was she wasn’t she was arousing I think if you were in if you were in a relationship with her if you were attracted to her, she was really hot, but I wasn’t attracted to her on a serve emotional level and I didn’t find her body arousing. Lacey has a small chest compared to some people but she’s not small chested like some people Canby Grace, but had a beautiful body. I mean she did. She had a Korjus bone structure but she was not very well endowed. She just wasn’t she did have breast, but so that was stuffing so that was just the way that she was dressed You don’t see a lot of images of her showing off her breast there there’s a few, but no she just didn’t have a lot and she had some thing but she didn’t have as much as Lacey or some other people and her body was gorgeous really it was but it wasn’t as curvy as Lacey‘s or Marilyn Monroe‘s and I am not sure exactly what it is that you are looking for beyond that with with cause I can sense it that’s mind blowing to you, but go look at a picture of her don’t just go off of what you think. You remember go actually look at Grace Kelly’s body.

So that’s what you have to realize a lot of the women Jack, like to sleep with were rather androgynous looking in a way he didn’t really tenders hit. Some of the women were so much curvy, but he didn’t tend to sleep with like yeah shut Angie Dickinson OK but she wasn’t really is attractive some people she was somewhat good looking I mean she was pretty yeah but She wasn’t my type either. She just wasn’t my type so they are some people maybe were a little curvy or like Angie Dickinson, but he didn’t really go after women who were really beautiful or really genuinely extremely sexy he didn’t Marilyn was more of an exception than the rule most of the women that he like to sleep with tend to be somewhat androgynous they were pretty they were usually pretty, but they weren’t really you know like, they weren’t women that I found arousing no and I’m not trying to come after people. I am I taser more like Lacey I think Melania Trump is attractive I think that Melania is attractive I think that Pamela Anderson is attractive I like women who are like that who look like that except Lacey is a little smaller than them but that’s fine I like that but she still looks like them to some degree and they both had surgery but the point is that’s what I liked. That’s what I was looking for I know even Inga wasn’t really like that, that’s just not what he found attractive and he was the one going after women I was trying to stay away from them because I thought I was gay so if he hadn’t been controlling my life, I may have found someone attractive somewhere. I asked her if she like to just do you know go to a movie and then I might’ve gotten married but that’s why I said what I said That he made a big difference in my life, because at that point, I was realizing that he had sort of as you would say it cock blocked people except they don’t have Cox, but he had sort of blocked everyone and since he cock block me from all women that I could’ve possibly been with so no, he kept me hostage to some degree he really did and that’s not some thing people know, but he did. This whole family kept me hostage to some degree to keep me quiet to control the message about their sexuality to make it seem like they were straight. They controlled me and they made. I don’t know if I’ve ate apple does know, but maybe she lies to herself about it but they did they control me And I don’t give a fuck what Joanne or anyone else says because the truth is this is what they did and you assholes can just go to hell and I’m talking to the Kennedys dead and alive when I say that they controlled me if you know that you know that if you didn’t know that then I guess you didn’t know that but they did they controlled me And so I was not able to pursue women who I found attractive but no I mean it’s like there is these women who are reasonably good looking or very beautiful, but they just weren’t my type and then people who I found attractive like Lacey or Pamela Anderson wasn’t alive yet but that’s that’s my type and I’m not gonna go after any of those. I mean other than Lacey but I’m trying to explain to you what I was looking for

Yeah, I won’t even thought that I thought it was pretty, but no I didn’t. I just I wasn’t a huge fan of the women that he exposed us to. I just never found them attractive that was from himself might not find those women particularly attractive I just didn’t find them attractive, they just did it just wasn’t they just didn’t do much for me they just didn’t. I just wasn’t interested I was like OK I guess they’re good looking but I don’t have a need to be with these people and out you know don’t really wanna do that to them or myself, so I’m not gonna do it. Jack wants to, and these women are slutty and you know slutty women Are slutty women, so Donald knows what I mean so does Lacey and you can find me repulsive but that’s what I thought I thought. Oh well they’re slutty women you know and there’s women who are slutty for you who are you might marry and then there’s women who are just slutty And the women who are just slutty are a well they’re just cheap and disposable in the way so you can kind of play with them. I guess I don’t know but the thing is it’s like this that is what people thought back then to some degree and I thought that to some degree to that was what I was. That’s what people thought that’s on? What what I thought but I also didn’t think they were human, I know it’s not really what was going on necessarily there was some truth to it but no it was definitely a misunderstanding but that’s what I thought. That’s what people thought and I mean women who are loose who don’t really respect sex or themselves. they are sort of, unfortunately people that you can’t really easily be with, but that wasn’t really the thought. It was kind of like that, but not really but no, I just thought well these women are asking for it. They are choosing to be with him and you know that’s their problem. That’s his problem. I don’t know why Louis they are things that I didn’t care. If I said some thing that was misunderstood I feel bad about that. I would never have been comfortable with saying oh, Jack can do whatever he wants people can kill themselves over him. He deserves it he’s a special man, that’s what he put in his book. Those were my words according to him that is not how I felt about it if I said something like that, it was misunderstood if Bobby thought I said something like that he misunderstood I was not thinking stuff like that I was not thinking oh, this is fine go ahead and do this, these women are just disposable. Nothing compared to him he’s a big shot. No that is not what I was thinking. I was thinking more like Donald Trump.

So there’s Lacey says Melania and maybe you marry those women then you expect them to be faithful I am a little different than Donald. I would never cheat on Lacey in 1 million years and I almost wonder if he’s embarrassed by the fact that he’s like that because he knows better But I really would never do that. That is not my character. I would never do that but I was able to be friends with men who were like that and so it’s like well. I have a no rich jack ass is my friend and that’s not supposed to be a euphemism. I have a rich piece of shit is my friend Jack is my piece of shit friend but he’s my buddy and you know he’s my responsibility and we have laughs. I guess I thought he was a better person than he was but I didn’t understand homosexuality and I just thought no he’s you know he’s my buddy he’s my sort of husband in a way and I have to do my part to please him and work with him and take care of them, but I don’t really want to sleep with him and if I can hire someone to do the work for me, I’ll do it That way I think I thought it was like a woman slightly. Yeah, you know it is like a mystery of sex so women do you know were very sexy and you would desire them, but you could be like them. You could be as desirables them, but you could be like them at times as a gay man you might be like a woman, but you’re not an actual woman, so yeah, I just thought whatever he wants to be with women he’s a rich, spoiled jerk and dumb, he feels entitled to it he thinks it’s the thing to do and I don’t really think that I don’t think being with women is appropriate when you’re gay I don’t really think being with women is appropriate when you’re gay but I guess it’s OK to I guess it’s OK. You know you get to you get to sort of I guess you get to sort of do that I guess I don’t know but then when he hurt people though it bothered me very much. Why didn’t I end my friendship with him, because I just didn’t think that that he was saved and the friendship with I couldn’t down the friendship with him he didn’t let me and I don’t know I guess I just didn’t take those women seriously. There were one or two of them believe it or not, who seems sweet and somewhat innocent, and I actually did almost end the friendship over those women but then it’s like they were actually not all that common most of them that he slept with were slutty mean girls he told her to go after slutty mean girls. So then it’s like these women are not very nice. I got along with them, but they were really kind of catty and full of themselves via March and so it’s like these women. Jackie was one of them so I was grazed some some degree at times and so it’s like well. They’re good looking women and I care about them as people but they’re slutty And they’re floozies they’re cheap floozies to some degree and I get along with them but no I would never want to actually be with them and I guess if it bothers them that he breaks their heart it’s like that’s their fault. They’re the ones spreading their legs for everyone And then and then the women that were sweet it’s like well. She didn’t know that he was gonna do that to her. They were one or two women like that who are yeah I seriously thought about ending the friendship just over those women because I thought they don’t they don’t know what’s going on they didn’t understand he took advantage of them somehow And those are people who are I think I would would care more about than him, but then it’s like I can’t because he’s threatening my life and the life of my family if I ever leave him because he’s afraid people will talk. You know that the truth will come out, so I can’t leave because then I’m gonna start talking or someone else’s so he had to control the message and that was a big part of it but also I just wanted to try to forgive him. I wanted to think the best of him I wanted to think well it was an accident. He didn’t realize that this person was going to feel this way about him or he didn’t mean to hurt them. He really didn’t mean it he was just you know I’m being stupid and you know he didn’t really realize that it was going to bother them that much do I think he was being gay? No I didn’t think he was being gay. I thought he was being stupid and that he just was sort of a you know kind of a dumb guy I guess dumb horny little toad in a way is what I would say nowadays you know who has a sort of fascination with sex I need for it kind of and what are you gonna do you know it’s like I guess you just have to try to love people someone hast to be his friend right someone has to watch out for him him why didn’t I think he was disposable because I didn’t think any human was disposable I thought he had something wrong with him and I just felt bad for him. I guess I just thought well I hate him to I kind of want to kill him kind of wanna punch him in the face or strangle him to death but I guess I guess I won’t because he insist that he didn’t know what he was doing or he insists that he really didn’t mean it and that you know these women are just crazy for thinking that he was so serious about them or something And I was so I guess it was just a misunderstanding.

Did all of that pent-up rage come out at times yeah there were times I threw him to the ground and I almost killed him. I told you about that on his block there was at least once when I threw him to the ground and I came very close to killing him. No I’m not Joe. I did lend it. I was drunk he was drunk Bobby was his little guardian angel. He did Bobby used to swarm around him like a little protective mother had every time something happens I could do to harm him. Bobby was always there to shelter Jack, so I pushed Jack to the ground once and I think it could’ve really hurt him to her not even sure that it could have broken his neck, but it was a carpeted floor. He breaks his fall and and Bobby took care of him was the injury at Harvard because someone got angry at him possibly it’s possible his back injury was because someone got pissed off at Jack And decided to try to kill him on the football field.

He had a lot of enemies, so no I pushed him to the ground and he may have almost killed them and there was yeah there was a lot of repressed rage there and then you know to be honest when you guys don’t wanna except is that it’s possible I knew they were going to shoot him I may have known that they were going to shoot Jack. I may have a repeat I may have Nolan that they were going to assassinate him.

I may have known that they were going to assassinate him and you know it’s sad. There was a young man who had a crush on Lacey name, Nolan teal he was tall yeah glasses he looked a little bit like me, but he was so aggressive with his sexuality, I think he was afraid that people would think he was gay or they had teased him about being gay and so as a millennial guy he was just a jerk he gave us the impression That he was a 40 mindless asshole and he wasn’t but that’s the way he presented himself so that people wouldn’t think he was gay. Nolan Teel. And Lacey fell for it. She didn’t think he was a nice person. She thought he was just a scam scum bucket and I am angry that he didn’t realize that I’m angry that he didn’t realize that she he needed to be so much smarter about pursuing her, but he left the self-confidence to do it.

He’s probably happily married by now, but now he was paranoid people to think he was gay and actually they may have even accused him of that and then that’s when he started saying horrible things to see him straight.

I think he played a trombone or a trumpet and so he knew her because she was in the orchestra and one time he hit on her and she said go to the library and read a book. The ship is trying to make him be more of a person she thought that he should go to the library and read Sort of read his way out of his perversion and stupidity as a man. She was about 16 when she said that 16 or 17, but she really thought she was going to edify him through him through literature.

I’m not convinced that the threesome that they showed at the Olympics in the library, wasn’t a joke at her expense, but it didn’t quite work. Because she did, she said go to a library tell him to go to the library and read a book! Whose response was that’s what life what library what he said what library that’s what he said he’s like you know what library where should I go to hook up with her or what life well, like you know what Nutter is she talking about what library is that and that’s sad because he really wasn’t a total jerk, but she just thought he was a terrible person And he was the world was wasn’t he wasn’t actually.

I know he looks like me he was tall glasses. No, he was straight and I look like him slightly. That is a heterosexual look possibly and I’m not saying that there are no gay men who look like like us but we’re him we’re pretty heterosexual and I kind of think maybe it’s not a coincidence that we look somewhat similar.

But you know it’s like he could’ve been more sensitive and mature, and tried to talk to her and ask her out in an appropriate way instead of being weird, but he was I think afraid of being rejected and she didn’t understand what she was looking out she didn’t realize that he was faking it that he was actually a pretty nice guy.

He was straight, but he was exaggerating it because he was afraid people think he was gay.

I am he was exaggerating, and yet no sense he wasn’t which is how he was taking so seriously and why she believed it because I did go to keep shows I was like that and he would’ve done stuff like that too, but he got married and it was settled down and had a family and is living somewhere and is happy presumably but that was not what happened to me I thought I was gay and I met Jack Kennedy. He made a big difference in my life you know because of him I never had a moments peace he controlled by every moment. and oh no, I just I had no I had no way out so I made excuses for him and yes I did help assassinate him. I’m sad at his funeral, but not as sad as Jackie she didn’t know I did, and that was part of the reason I was so depressed was that I was guilty. I had a very guilty conscience I had survivors guilt. I was not in love with him if it’s possible that I I played up that angle at times for my own safety because I didn’t want anyone to figure out what it actually happened but I also think people misunderstood me and I I mean no I I hated them. I absolutely hated them so that there was a lot of repressed rage and I knew they were going to shoot them and I let them.” says Lem.

A perfume collector laughs.

“ yeah he’s a real person he’s tall and he exaggerated his heterosexuality in high school so that people wouldn’t pick on him and think he was gay. He looks like me he’s straight we don’t look exactly alike but there is a similarity. He’s on a little bit like me though I was straight, so is he so is he, and yeah don’t bother this man he would know who she is but they have not had contact for oh well over 20 years. He may know who she is still probably remember her but no they’re not even friends on Facebook, but they went to high school together, and he did have a crush on her. He very much wanted to date her, but he was very shy about it.

No, we’re not completely identical but we look a little bit of like he’s tall or bone structure is slightly similar or hair is likely a similar or personality is slightly a similar except he’s into aeronautics, and I wasn’t well I was slightly, but not like him yet believe it or not, I actually was a little interested in that, but I had asthma and bad vision. And someday when he dies, he will be shocked to find out that I actually am her twin flame and that we look a lot alike. And that he wasn’t insane for thinking that they could date but he should’ve probably been a little smarter about trying to date her. They’re not meant to be together forever he he’s fine he’s happy don’t bother him, but when he dies, he will he actually will be so much shots Just to find out who she really is and that he could’ve actually dated her but he just ate out didn’t quite play his cards right so to speak.” says Lem.

“ how much does Joel look like Lem?” says a woman.

Casi sighs.

“ quite a bit. He looks more like me than no windows, and yet less at the same time, but they both look like me.” says Lem.

“ I know I had a crush on her. I had a very serious crush on her but I just didn’t think it was likely. I thought she was too good for me.” says Nolan.

“ you’re very smart Nolan aren’t you?” says a Bush.

“ yes, I am. I’m very smart and I was gifted enough or aware enough to know that I needed to over emphasize my heterosexuality or I would be made fun of the downside, though is that I alienated her completely and I didn’t have the self-confidence to ask her out in a more authentic down to earth weigh I just didn’t have it I was I just totally like self-confidence, so smart enough to know that I had to watch my ass so to speak or people were gonna give me a hard time, but I like the self-confidence to figure out how to actually pursue her.” says Nolan Teel.

“ but you’re happy though?” says Laura Bush.

“ yes I’m happy I have a very beautiful wife is in love with me and I am in love with her and I’m actually a really decent guy I am I’m actually possibly extremely decent but I just didn’t want anyone to give me a hard time.” says Nolan.

“ you don’t know if I’m talking to you in the afterlife it makes me angry is that you got away with finding a wife and being happy by being really aggressive to the point of almost dishonesty you were rewarded for it she’s tried to be extremely assertive about her social class and her intelligence and her beauty and people just hate her. They just hate her and that frustrates me as a woman. I just think it’s deplorable. I’m glad that you’re OK, but it makes me angry that she had no way to stand up for herself and what was what the fuck was she supposed to do?” says a living feminist.

“ for the actually I’m a little bit of a feminist and I agree I think God kept trying to bring people into her life like me and Joel but it just didn’t work because that that it just was too dark. Things were too dark and too evil, and there was no way for it to work. It’s like she’s trapped in hell and it’s really sad. I am happy, don’t bother me and I mean that in a good way, but I actually do feel empathy for her and so is my wife in the future because it’s really sad. It’s she was trapped in a living hell and I don’t know how the hell she was supposed to get out it’s miserable. It’s absolutely awful.” he says. “ as she is trapped I should say as I’m saying this her kids are her gift from heaven and away and then away. I think she worries about them and that is hell too because it’s like she loves her kids and then it’s just hell, thinking of how to raise them and protect them from everybody so no on she has a pretty awful life. Her in-laws are very self-centered people they’re not terrible necessarily completely, but they’re pretty self-centered. They don’t really have a lot of empathy for her or or her husband even if they care and her whole family is kind of like that they’re very old money but at the same time they’re not really people who understand her if there’s love there or not and I don’t I don’t think a lot of people who are hateful and the perfume community understand that I think Casi has started to if she reads her blog still and I’m not saying Casi is a great person, but I think Casi does have some understanding that you guys don’t. I wish you people would spend more time in the word of God, trying to figure out whether or not there’s reincarnation they might not be they might not be reincarnation, but let me tell you if there is you are shooting yourselves in the face at best by not researching it, and explaining it to her about where it could be, you really are damning yourselves and I can redeem you, but stop if it’s not there then you should still research it because if it’s not, then you’ll have to stop using that as an excuse to ignore the reality of what’s happening so you either need to stop using it as an excuse or you need to figure out if it’s real and then deal with that reality.” says Nolan Teel in the future.

“ why didn’t you ask her out?” says a guy.

“ I did, but it was very roundabout. I asked her out through friends because I felt so embarrassed and I was so lacking in confidence. Are you guys don’t understand she was extraordinarily beautiful she really doesn’t photograph well. She really is unusually good looking and it was intimidating, because people like me who knew what they were looking at thought you know no this is a little scary. This woman is intelligent and deep and it could be with lots of people and I don’t think I have the courage to to to talk to her and the more you know sincere way so I asked her through friends and then that just didn’t work because she thought I was a jerk.”

“ why did she think you were a jerk?” says the CIA.

“ no I would’ve had the self-confidence too but that’s because he was who he is. He is her twin flame is twin flames exist or even anything close to that and they do in Christianity what why big because I was shy why did she think I was a jerk because of my persona I really had an attitude like a sexual leech like I was just obsessed with women like I was sleeping with hundreds of them that I was heartless, not really kind of in a way that we not not really not really but then again, you never know, but I was kind of a real man’s man, straight to the core, extraordinarily you know, sexual and cold hearted. Extremely difficult you know the land better and biting, and a cruel to innocent and godly but definitely someone not like a pervert, like an actual pervert, who would hurt children or pets or anyone else who you know nothing just women, but I would give Jeffrey Epstein a run for his money when it came to adult women that was my aesthetic Not not like not no not like Jack Kennedy not like Jack Kennedy, Jack Kennedy was a wimp compared to me. I, I was going I could I was like Satan himself not really but kind of like Satan himself. That was my persona and people I was a teenager. People believed me I was very tall I was tall I was like lamb I was tall I’m a tall man , I was unusually tall and so people believe me because I was so tall and so madly and kind of confident that I thought no this is gonna work people take this seriously and they did too seriously and I kind of half. I think I hopes a little bit in the back of my head, that she see through me, but she didn’t because she was too hurt and too sweet and innocent and no she didn’t see through me and she thought I was serious and so Because a lot of other people dead and so she just assume the worst and I think she wondered if she could change me she wouldn’t of had to I don’t I don’t I didn’t necessarily really have a problem, but that was my persona and it was self protective. I was a guy I was a Millennial, and that was my way of protecting myself, but no people took it seriously I think they were some adults who saw through me but I’m not even sure I’m not 100% sure that they were intelligent or deep enough to see through me but no I acted like Jack Kennedy was a nice Catholic boy from Boston compared to me and I was ravenous dark just you know vicious vicious, heterosexual man,” says Nolan.

“Dammit.” says Scott Fitzgerald. “You came so close to being with her.”